Jenny Mccarthy On 'the Tonight Show' 9/15

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Postby admin » Fri Sep 16, 2005 3:21 am

>> Jay: All righty. My next guest is a very talented actress and all-around funny gal, stars in the new movie "dirty love," which opens in selected cities -- let's hope yours is selected -- on september 23rd. Please welcome jenny mccarthy.

[ Cheers and applause ]

>> Jay: Have a seat.

>> Thanks, jay.

>> Jay: Thanks for coming.

>> Now, listen.

>> Jay: Yes?

>> Usually I don't steal comedians' material, but I think out of the goodness of my heart I should also auction off a kiss to somebody in the audience.

[ Cheers ]

>> Jay: All right. Is that what you want to do?

>> So, I really do want to do that. So any -- girls included, by the way. Okay. What's your bid? Yes. Adam what is your bid, honey?

>> Whatever you want.

[ Laughter ]

>> Give me a number, adam.

>> Jay: I think you're missing the spirit of the thing. It's to help the red cross, adam.

>> $100.

>> Anybody else?

>> $500.

[ Cheers ]

>> Anybody else? Hey, donald, do you want to compete?

[ Laughter ]

>> You know, there's no way I'd compete with that guy.

[ Laughter ]

>> Anybody over $500? Sold. I'm coming to get ya, baby!

[ Cheers and applause ]

>> Jay: Tell him to come on down here.

>> Come on, come on! Run, run!

[ Applause ] Of course I picked the guy -- hurry, hurry! My segment's only five minutes!

>> Jay: Do I need the money? Young mrs. Mccarthy just scored. I'm going to need the money.

[ Laughter ]

>> Thanks, tent master.

>> Jay: All right. You got two minutes with her. Go.

>> All right.

>> Jay: Take her to the couch, here.

>> All right, are you ready, baby?

>> Ready!

[ Cheers and applause ]

>> Jay: Wow, good, thank you very much, sir. Wow.

[ Cheers and applause ] Wow. Hey, donald, forget real estate. This is how you make money.

>> That's pretty good, huh?

>> Jay: $500 to the red cross. That's very, very kind of you.

>> Are you matching that?

>> Jay: I will match that!

[ Cheers and applause ]

>> Thanks, jay.

>> Jay: Imagine there's not getting any action, but never mind. Listen, welcome back.

>> Thank you.

>> Jay: What are you trying to do?

>> I'm touching off. I have to still look pretty.

>> Jay: You still look pretty. Your books are on "the new york times" best seller list?

>> Two -- "belly laughs" and "baby laughs." You can find them on the

>> Jay: Very good. Now, what are they about?

>> "Belly laughs" is about the horrific things that happen in pregnancy. For me it was gaining weight. I gained 80 pounds.

>> Jay: Really?

>> I was so fat that when my mom flew in from chicago to see me in the delivery room, she walked in and went, "I have the wrong room." I said, "mom, it's me!" I mean, I was huge, and to prove it I brought a picture with me.

>> Jay: Let's see a picture of you when you were huge.

>> Ah! Isn't that insane?

>> Jay: Is this the conception? What is this?

[ Laughter ] I'm sorry. I was confused.

>> 212 pounds.

>> Jay: Wow. Well, congratulations. And how is your husband? I know you got married.

>> I filed for divorce, jay.

>> Jay: You didn'T. Really?

>> Thanks for bringing it up. Yes, I filed for divorce. I know. I know.

>> Why? What happened?

>> Jay: "Why?" Look who's talking.

[ Laughter ] Why, mister, who would probably never get divorced!

[ Laughter ]

>> He's got to be a wise guy.

>> Yeah, really.

>> Okay, so, why? What happened?

>> I don't know.

>> Jay: So you don't know? Well, I'm sorry.

>> No, there are reasons -- you know, he directed the movie that I'm promoting, "dirty love," and I wanted to kill him the entire time. But, you know, I must say, he's also -- he's become my best friend. I mean, really, having an ex-spouse as a best friend --

>> They all say that.

[ Laughter ]

>> Jay: So, now you're best friends, but there's no sex, so it's like you're married again. Hey! There you go.

[ Laughter and applause ]

>> That's true. But you know what? I got to say, and you could probably vouch for this.

>> Go ahead.

>> When you're friends with your ex, they make for great booty calls. No?

[ Laughter ] Gotcha.

>> Jay: So you're dating?

>> No. I'm not dating yet, but --

>> That only happened last week.

>> No. No. But I got to tell you, when the divorce went public and went on "entertainment tonight," the same day I got about five phone calls from guys asking me out and leaving bizarre messages. One guy saying that he wants to make love to my feet.

>> Jay: Really?

>> And I'm like, "dude, I paid $2,500 for boobs, and you want to make love to my feet?"

[ Light laughter ] But I actually, just so you guys can hear it, it was on my voicemail so I brought it with me --

>> Jay: You have the tape?

>> I do. I brought it.

[ Beep ]

>> Hey, baby, I was thinking about your sexy feet and how horny they make me, so I thought I'd call you. Next time you're on "the tonight show," could you point them towards me? I'm the bald dude with the guitar.

[ Laughter and applause ]

>> Jay: Oh, wow.

>> Kevin.

>> Kevin: -- Jay.

>> I love it. I washed them, too, tonight, for you darling.

>> Kevin: Oh, nice jen. Ooh.

>> Jay: Now, tell us about your movie. "Dirty love" is the name of the movie?

>> All right. I wrote the movie. It was at sundance. It's a good freaking movie. I even brought a poster with me. If you see this around town, find the theater nearest you and go see it. But I actually have a bone to pick with this poster, really quick. If you notice, things appear larger than they actually are here.

[ Laughter ] Get into the cleavage area. When I saw that, I said "what did you guys do? I don't have boobs like this." And they said, "well, we want people to notice the ad." But I'm thinking, "oh, my god." I mean, look at the -- I have to do that to make that happen.

>> Jay: You know, that works too, yeah.

[ Laughter ]

>> But you know what? After you breast feed, as you know, jay, it's kind of like your boobs don't stay like that anymore. It's like someone grabbed your nipples and pulled them across the room and let go.

[ Laughter ]

>> Jay: You know, this is more information than I want to know, really.

[ Laughter ] Let's see, we have a clip. What's happening in this clip?

>> Okay, in the clip, this is the only pg version I could find. I'm having a bloated day and tryingo fit into a tight pair of jeans, which most girls can relate to.

>> Jay: All right. Let's take a look.

>> Come on, come on! Ah, oh! Oh. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay, now I got to zip. Okay. Here we go. Ha, ha, ha, ah, ah, come on -- oh, oh. Oh.

[ Applause ]

>> It goes on for a few minutes.

>> Jay: There you go. Will you sign our bike? Come on over here.

>> I will.

>> Jay: Jenny mccarthy. Here you go. Here. Anywhere you want. There, there, wherever you want

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