Dear Brad Pitt--
You are the best! Even better than Lawrence Fishburne! I've seen you in 'Seven', 'Fight Club', and 'Lizard Flab', and I have yet to see better acting. Except for Rutger Hauer's role as the blind guy who fought crocodiles. You have to admit, that was pretty intense. But still, you are the best actor besides him. I've started a fan club in your honor, called 'The Brad Pit'. It was originally 'The Pitt Pit', but I got a lot of calls from armpit hair fetishists. You just can't talk to those guys. Anyway, 'The Brad Pit' is going strong: 4 million members worldwide! (3 million 900 thousand in Mongolia). We love you Brad!
I just heard about the movie musical you're going to be doing with Richard Simmons and Kid Rock. This is the best news I've ever heard in my life. I can't wait! Is it true that it's going to be about a hyperactive Gondola driver? If so, why's it called 'Rumpy Butters'? Should I watch and see? I wish it were out now! I've never heard you sing before. I'll bet you're an alto.
By the way, I read in 'Flush' magazine that you were going to eat a 10-foot baloney statue for charity. Fantastic! What is the statue of? I hope it's of a bald eagle! Or a football helmet! Cool! When is this happening, and where? I want to come and root you on. Are you doing it in Dover? My Aunt Bernadette sells toasted crabs there. That would be perfect.
Thank you for being the best actor besides Rutger Hauer. Drop a line to 'The Brad Pit' if you ever want to hear the latest buzz about what's going on in your life. You're the baloney king! (And I don't mean you're a liar).
Your biggest fan,
P.S. Have you ever been to Pittsburgh? You should have a word with them. They named their whole city after you. Don't you think that's a little weird?
2 posts • Page 1 of 1
Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest