Conan O'Brien-Jessica transcript - 2/13

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Postby admin » Wed Feb 14, 2001 4:39 am

>> conan: Thanks for being on the show.

>> Thank you.

>> Conan: Great to have you here.

>> Thank you.

>> Conan: Oh, thhile. We -- you know what's amazing? I've always noticed on tv, when they have people do a fighting scene, i think 99% of the time, it looks fake. You can kinda tell that it's not really a fight.

>> Yeah.

>> Conan: When i've seen you fight on the show, it looks real. It looks like you could really --

>> it is real.

>> Conan: You could really kick someone's ass, couldn't you?

>> Yeah, sometimes i hit the guys too hard.Metimes they, like -- like, we had -- last week, we had actors doing stunts. And I kicked him -- I was kicking him really hard in the ribs. So they had to wear, like, a rib thing.

>> Conan: Why were you doing that? Are you working off some kind of aggression?

>> No, because you have to sell it. And you have to try to get through the motion. And, like, i had to beat up, like, three guys at the same time.

>> Conan: Now, do you feel like you could -- if you were in a real situation, then, that you could just start kicking ass left and right?

>> No, but i think i could definitely hurt somebody if i wanted to.

>> Conan: Yes! Okay.

[ Laughter ] are you a good -- I mean, are you a good athlete, in general? Do you play sports?

>> My dad likes to think so. He -- yeah i played baseball and football. I can throw, like, really far.

>> Conan: Right. So are you coordinated?

>> I'm not that -- not that coordinated.

>> Conan: That cri my sports career, too.

>> Not that coordinated.

>> Conan: Shockingly. That, and my lack of muscle tone.

[ Laughter ] and I have the lungs of a 2-year-old boy.

[ Laughter ] they're like, 'eek, eek, eek.' I pass out a lot when I play athletic events.

>> Yeah.

>> Conan: It's really sad.

>> Okay.

>> Conan: Now, you're this big success now. It's a really hot show. People are really -- no, it's exciting. And also, I see yothat must be weird. You see your picture in magazines and --

>> well, i don't really look like, in magazines and stuff.

>> Conan: We differ again.

[ Laughter ] I mean, I look at me. I'm like, 'look at that guy!'

>> I look at you, too!

>> Conan: 'Check him out.' Yeah, thanks. Thanks for that. No, I'm serious. Do you like photo shoots? I mean, those are -- a lot of people think those are easy, but it's a pain in the neck, right?

>> No, i always have to do these photo shoots. And photographers come up to me. And, you know, immediately they're like, 'put her in the cleavage and the leather.' Like leather and cleavage is the only thing on their minds. Spikes and --

>> conan: Damn them.

[ Laughter ] why?

[ Ap

>> i'm not, I mean --

>> conan: I know, I know.

>> As much as everyone would like to think so, I'm not like that. And I'm not into that.

>> Conan: But that's --

>> that's what it is, and they think that that's 'dark angel,' but that's not 'dark angel,' you know. She's smart.

>> Conan: Right.

>> And, so, regardless -- and then i get these photographers, and these, like,sleazy guys with the long hair -- not trying to generalize it or anything -- but they're like, 'sexy! Foxy! Hot! Yes! Sexy! Pout those lips! Give me those angry, tough eyes!'

>> Conan: Are they saying this into the phone on you?

>> They're doing that --

[ laughter ]

>> conan: Ring, ring, ring. 'Sexy, hot, sexy!'

[ Laughter ]

>> no, no, no. They, like, have the camera. And they're, like, taking pictures of me. And they're like, 'sexy! More hot! More sex, sex, sex.' And I'm just like, 'you know what? Shut up.'

>> Conan: Yeah, that makes you --

[ laughter ]

>> like I will respond to that.

>> Conan: But also, that doesn't make you feel sexy, I would imagine.

>> No, i wanna kick 'em in the head.

[ Laughter ]

>> conan: Well, you can, yeah. You know, it's funny, because, comedy -- if ever I have to get my picture taken for everything -- for anything -- a person will really -- I've had people who were taking the photo go, 'funny guy! Funny! Give me funny!'

[ Laughter ]

>> see they do!

>> Conan: 'Give me goofy! Goofy, goofy!'

[ Laughter ] and so all the pictures come out, and you're like this.

>> You're like --

>> conan: 'I hate you.'

[ Laughter ]

>> you wanna kick them in the head.

>> Conan: Yeah, you feel like you're a baby, and someone's going, 'cookie, cookie.'

>> Yeah, exactly. It's so --

>> conan: It's insane. Now, you -- I was reading about you today. And you had an interesting nickname as a child. You wanna tell us what that is?

>> Yeah, my grandmother used to call me

puchina pistosa, or

muchacha cochina pistosa. Which is like 'dirty littleause i was a bit rude when i was little.

>> Conan: Again, my nickname as a child. 'Dirty little girl,' yeah.

[ Laughter ] 'i'm a dirty little girl!' 'What's wrong with our son?'

[ Laughter ] why did you get that nickname? What kinds of things were you doing?

>> Well, you know, when there would be like the prayer or whatever at dinner, i'd, like, burp or something.

>> Conan: Right.

>> My grandmother always thought we were naked if we were in our bathing suits in the house. Like, 'put your clothes on!'

>> Conan: Was she a religious woman?

>> Catholic.

>> Conan: Yeah, I know where you're coming from.

>> I love -- i mean, i love my grandma, but i'd -- you know, she'd be washing the dishes, and I'd put my bathing suit up my butt and be like, 'grandma! Grandma! What are we having for dinner? Grandma, what are we having for dinner?'

[ Laughter ]

>> conan: Your poor grandmother.

>> She'd be like -- 'cochina pistosa.'

>> Conan: Yeah, 'check this out, granny.'

[ Laughter ] poor grandmother.

>> But i was just rude. I was just, you know --

>> conan: Just being a kid.

>> Yeah, i was a stupid kid.

>> Conan: Now, you're shooting -- you're shooting movies now? You just shooted a film --

>> 'shooted'?

>> Conan: Shooted a film.

[ Laughter ] I'm like, 'pretty girl! Pretty girl, i shooted a film.'

[ Laughter ] I was able to focus during costas.

[ Laughter ] strange that i'd lose my concentration now. You're in the malaysian jungle?

>> Yeah, i shot a film in malaysia called 'sleeping dictionary,' and they have the most tremendous bugs. Snakes -- 25 deadly poisonous snakes in the jungle. 20-minute hike up to the location where we were shooting. Where's the bathroom in the middle of the day? In the bush.

>> Conan: Wait a minute. You're a big star now, and you get on a film set -- well, you're doing very well. Okay, well, you're no conan o'brien, but you know, one day --

[ laughter ] with time and training, you'll achieve my stature at 12:30. Argh!

[ Laughter ] what am I doing? But -- I don't know. I get giddy around the ladies.

[

>> You're scaring me.

>> Conan: Your publicist is gonna call tomorrow -- 'she never wants to see that guy again. He was so weird.' But that is shocking to me that you're doing quite well, and that they say, 'just go in the bushes'?

>> Well, no. Well, yeah. What do they have up there? I mean, there was nothing. And so you'd be going to the bathroom. And it was all of us. Brenda blethyn, bob hoskins -- I mean, we're all up there. When you'd go to the bathroom, you'd see these beetles that were this big poisonous fangs.

>> Conan: They have those things on them?

>> Yeah.

>> Conan: I hate those things.

>> Yeah. And, like, mosquitoes are like this big. Like, I'm not kidding.

>> Conan: Mosquitoes drive up in a car.

[ Laughter ] they don't fly. They're like, 'i'm gonna get blood up there.'

>> It's true. And they have these big, giant -- these other bugs.'D catch them out of the air. And they would catch them, and they stick them, and then they roast them, and they eat them.

>> Conan: No, they don't.

>> I swear.

>> Conan: They're roasting -- they're catching these flying bugs.

>> These flying bugs. Stick 'em, roast 'em.

>> Conan: Did you try one?

>> Oh, no. They're like big giant maggots with wings.

>> Conan: Gotta try one.

>> Yeah, right. You could get malaria or something.

>> Conan: Yeah, and also it would just be gross.

[ Laughter ] I wouldn't --

>> you'd have to be in the bathroom for, like, three days.

>> Conan: Well, in the bushes for three days, yeah. I've done that.

[ Laughter ] I'm a badass. Okay, I'm just acting crazy. I'm sorry.

>> What are you saying?

>> Conan: I know. I'm sorry. I'll straighten out next time. 'Dark angel' is on tuesday nights at 9:00 on fox. Congratulations.

>> Thank you.

>> Conan: Yeah, you seem like a really nice person. I'm happy for n back sometime. I'll be more sane then.

[ Cheers and applause ] jessica alba, everybody. We'll be right back. Duncan sheik is here.

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Romantico
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Postby Romantico » Sat Feb 17, 2001 2:06 pm

Childish as usual :)..... Thanks Jeff... I didn't get to see the show.. :( ... I had oxymarion-convulsion so I had to 'like' stay in the 'bushes' for 'like' a week :)....


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