Jessica Alba visits 'The Tonight Show' 9/20 Transcript

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Jessica Alba visits 'The Tonight Show' 9/20 Transcript

Postby admin » Fri Sep 21, 2007 2:43 am

Jay: Please welcome jessica alba, ladies and gentlemen.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Jay: Thanks for coming.

Jessica: Thank you for having me.

Jay: I knew you flew in from new york. And I know you're not a big flyer. So I appreciate you making this trip.

Jessica: No, no, I'm okay with flying.

Jay: You okay now?

Jessica: No, I'm totally okay with flying. It's my dad that's not so okay with flying.

Jay: Oh, your dad.

Jessica: Yes, yes. The other father figure in my life.

Jay: Right. Right, that's right. He is like a father figure.

Jessica: Yeah yes, I am here because of him.

Jay: Well, wasn't your dad in the air force?

Jessica: Yes.

Jay: Well, how can he be

Jessica: Terrified. He calls me every time before he flies. Mind you, I fly all the time, so it's okay. Every time before he flies, know that I did the best I could, and I love you very much." And I'm like, "dad, you're not gonna die. You're just flying!" And he's like, "yeah, but it may go down."

Jay: Wow.

[ Laughter ]

Jessica: So, every time he flies, he cal my brother and me and he tells us that he loves us very much adid the be could. Do you have any of those fears? Plane lands -- "all right, take back that crap I said, we landed."

Jessica: He's like, "all right, what's the score?"

Jay: Well, that's very nice. That's very nice.

Jessica: Yeah, it's very sweet.

Jay: Well, a lot of people you everl with god, if this happens, you make the deal. And then as it starts to happ, you start to backtrack. "Okay, god, iw, when it looks like --

Jessica: So what, when you're riding your motorcycle and you're about to tip over?

Jay: Yeah, a lot of times. I'm not quitting my job."

Jay: Now, what was the award? You won the teen -- was e para el hottie female hottie?

Jessica: Yeah.

Jay: Wow. Well, congratulations.

Jessica: The kids!

Jay: That's quite a a prestigious award.

Jay: I think margaret mead won that a number of years ago.

Jessica: Margaret mead?

Jay: Yeah, sheon the female hottie award. Explain your acceptaniscurso de la I watched this tape and I didn't -- do we have the tape here?

Jessica: Do you havthe tape?

Jay: Okay, explain this tape now.

Jessica: Well -- I was pigeon-toed, I had a sway back, I was slightly cross-eyed, buck toothed and I sucked my thumb. Look at me now, ross. Look at me now.

Jay: Wow. Now, who is ross? I've been tosk y this sincehen.

Jessica: Oka wa7. Ayght.

Jessica: Andig bebl ams.Y:N.

Jessica: I wasnly girl s od.Ll.Well. I mean, I play like a boy. I'm very competitive. And ross always picked me last and he was always the captain of the first team. And he was like, "let's kiss." And he just drank milk and we ate pizza. And we were at my house and we had a tent in the backyard.

Jay: Right.

Jessica: And I was like, "okay, but if you pick me first on the baseball team tomorrow, I'll kiss you." And I did. And the next day, he didn't pick me first. I was still last. So I was like, "ugh!"

Jay: Welcome to show business.

[ Laughter ]

Jessica: Welcome to men! Not just show business. Men. So I learned it at 7.

Jay: Wow, that is amazing. So, that was a life-changing experience for you?

Jessica: Yes, it was. I've been jaded since.

Jay: Now, have you ever found out were ross is? Do you know if ross saw this? Did he contact you?

Jessica: This was -- I was in del rio, texas, living on an air force base, so I do''t know.

Jay: Okay. I just like the fact that you'vcarried this with you all that time.

Jessica: Oh, yeah, I have a little, you know, issues.

Jay: This is true. Women never forget.

Jessica: No, we don'T. Be careful.

Jay: Now, obviously, your movie is a comedy, "good luck chuck."

Jessica: Yes, I've always wanted to do a comedy.

Jay: But this is kind of different. You haven't done any comedy-comedy.

I've never been able to do it, really.

Jay: Why?

Jessica: Ion't know. I go -- they wouldn't even see me for castings. Ty w wouldn't even let me go in the room.

Jay: Did you kiss the director?

[ Laughter ]

Jessica: That was not on the agenda. No. I didn'want to do that. No casting couch for me.

Jay: No, no. I know, well, no, see, we've had this discussion. You're very smart. That's why I like you. But you do something with your

Jessica: I do. You know.

Jay: Is that a trick? Or were you actually doing it?

Jessica: Well, see, here's the thing. I ha lots of issues and things that are wrong with in case anybody was wondering. The camera. There you go.

Jay: That's like donald duck time. Yeah, look at that.

Jessica: They both go back.

[ Laughter ] It's weird, kind of grosses people out most of the time. But the director thought it was a good idea.

Jay: Oh, okay.

Jessica: But yeah, I got to do lots of funny things. Lucille ball is one of my heroes and I love her physical comedy, and this was a moment for me to kind of explore that.

Jay: Now anything else? Any other double-jointed tricks you can do?

Jessica: Well, not in this dress.

Jay: Oh, shut up.

[ Laughter ]

Jessica: He's my father figure, guys.

Jay: I'm a father figure, exactly.

Jessica: Just 'cause we were born on the same day.

Jay: That's right. You can do some eye thing. What is the eye thing?

Jessica: I can -- I can -- I can cross my eyes. Can you do anything?

Jay: I'm the world's loudest knuckle cracker, but that's it.

Jessica: Oh, let me see. Let me hear. Ew! Really.

[ Audience oohs ]

Jay: Now, I said I would, don't go ew!

[ Laughter ]

Jessica: Do you crack these ones? See, you're doing a trick. You're doing a trick!

Jay: I'm not doing a trick.

Jessica: Yes, you're doing a trick.

Jay: I'm not doing a trick!

Jessica: You are! Can you crack these ones?

Jay: It's like I'm talking to a 6-year-old. I'm not doing a trick.

[ Laughter ]

Jessica: No, you are, you are!

Jay: "Gndpa, it's a a trick!" Let me show you. No let, me show you.

Jessica: How do you do it?

Jay: Like this.

Jessica: Mine don't sound like that.

Jay: Well, you have a little weenie one. That'why.

[ Laughter ] Now, do the eye thing. What's the eye thing?

Jessica: Okay, okay, where's the camera? Where's the camera? Which one, number three?

Jay: Yeah, right there.

Jessica: Okay. So I can do this.

[ Audience oohs ]

Jay: Wow.

Jessica: And I can do this. Stupid human tricks. Thank you very much.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Jay: There you go. More with jessica, right after this.

Jay: Welcome back.

[ Cheers and applause ] We're talking with jessica alba. "Good luck chuck" is the movie. Now, you play a penguin trainer in this movie.

Jessica: Yes. I run a penguin habitat in this movie.

Jay: Right. And I remember, weren't you afraid of birds?

Jessica: I'm scared of birds.

Jay: Scared of birds? Especlly the ones that fly indoors and people have as pets. Fly.

Jessica: No, they can't fly. So it was great.

Jay: So it wasn't scary?

Jessica: No, it wasn't scary. They do poo a lot.

Jay: Right.

Jessica: You can slip in their poo and they eat their poo, like my dogs.

[ Laughter ] I did learn that about them. They sort of waddle and they're cute.

Jay: Right.

Jessica: And I kind of became a a penguin whisperer.

Jay: Really? So you got to bond with the penguins?

Jessica: Yeah, they usually kind of ran away from everybody but their trainers, except for me. I learned how to pet them, and they would run into my hand. And I'd pet them. And they would just nuzzle down into mhand and go right down into my hand. So whenever they were freaking out, I kn how to calm them down.

Jay: Oh, okay. Now, a they smart animals? Or are they just kind of --

Jessica: They kind of follow each other.

Jay: Yeah, yeah, okay. Now, I read a quote. Is this true, that you said kissing dane was like kissing a a dummy? Did I read that --

Jessica: No, I never said that!

Jay: Well, where did that quote come from?

Jessica: You must have made it up.

Jay: I didn't make it up. I read it lei en na par.

Jessica: He was here last night. How did he do?

Jay: Good, he did good.

Jessica: Was he like a dummy?>&gtAy: No, he was fine. I didn't kiss him. So I don't know what to tell you.

Jessica: Are you sure?

Jay: No, no. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. I didn't kiss him.

Jessica: Backstage, you weren't like, you know -- I never said that.

Jay: I took that out of the tabloids.

Jessica: I never said it. There's lots of things in the tabloids that are absolutely and totally untrue.

Jay: That's true.

Jessica: And you should know that.

Jay: Well, I do. Now, I know there's some pretty hot and heavy love scenes in cf1 o this movie.

Jessica: Yes, all of which I'm not in.

Jay: Well, there's a lot of naked girls in this.

Jessica: There are a few women in cf1 o this movie that show their beautiful womanly bodies.

Jay: Womanly bodies?

Jessica: And dane shows his beautiful manly ass. Can I say ass on television?

Jay: You just said ass on tv.

[ Laughter ]

Jessica: But for the ladies, he waxed it, apparently, he told me.

Jay: Really?

Jessica: Yeah. Every three weeks. Yeah, he gave me the schedule.

Jay: He couldn't do it himself? He'd have to be ambidextrous.

Jessica: Oh, no, he definitely went on all threes.

Jay: Wow.

[ Laughter ] That's so much more information than I want to know.

[ Laughter ] Now, tell people what the movie is about. Tell people what it's about.

Jessica: The movie is about a guy, charlie, who is a dentist, who has a curse on him that this little girl put on him when he was young. That every woman that he sleeps with, the next guy that they meet is the man that they are gonna spend the rest of their life with.

Jay: Right, so women seek him out because they know if they have sex with him, they'll get married to the next guy.

Jessica: They'll find their soul mate. And women are so sick of dating empty, horrible men, that they take advantage of dane. And he's very happy that women are taking advantage of him. Like any man would be.

Jay: It's a good thing men are shallow. Now, let's see -- what is this scene we're gonna see here?

Jessica: And I play a girl who's very klutzy, and we sort of come together because I bust my tooth and I have no one to go to but him.

Jay: Let's take a look.

Jessica: Okay. All fixed. Does that hurt?

Jessica: Huh-uh.

Jessica: Can you describe the penguin that attacked you?

Jessica: Very funny.

Jessica: You can rinse. So what really happened? Did you get caught up the in the middle of some kind of north pole south pole gang war sort of thing.

Jessica: There's no penguins in the north pole. That's polar bears.

Jessica: You really are a penguin freak, aren't you?

Jessica: Oh, you have no idea. Obsessed is putting it mildly.

Jessica: I believe you.

Jessica: Oh, what's that?

Jessica: Oh, I travel to guatemala every year to help some of the poor villages.

Jessica: That's so sweet. Oh! I'm sorry. Oh, no!

[ Laughter ]

[ Applause ]

Jay: "Good luck chuck" opens everywhere tomorrow. Jessica, thank you, my friend.

Jessica: Thank you for having me.

Jay: Be right back with D.L. Hughley right after this.

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