Jennifer Lopez Good Morning Bronx SNL Skit

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Jennifer Lopez Good Morning Bronx SNL Skit

Postby admin » Sun Feb 11, 2001 2:26 am

>>> live from the parkchester station, it's 'good morning bronx,' with the 'good morning 'bronx' news team -- cindy gonzales and clyde smith.

[ Applause ] and now, 'good morning bronx.'

>> Good morning, bronx. I'm ciit's 7:00. Hello, clyde.

[ With bronx accent ]

>> i ain't clyde. C-dog. I told you to call me c-dog. I gotta represent up in here.

[ Speaking under her breath ]

>> you are so ignorant.

>>> Our top story -- well, it looks like derek jeter will be staying in the bronx as he has signed a $180 million all of us here at 'good morning bronx' say we're glad you're staying, derek. Especially us ladies, how about that, clyde?

>> What?

>> Isn't that great, derek jeter's still a yankee?

>> Derek jeter. Please. I ain't scared of derek jeter. Ladies love c-dog, too. And I'm gonna tell you like this, I ain't scared of nobody. And, by the way, trevor, i'm looking for you, kid. And if i see you, it's going to be --

>> clyde! Remember what I said about the chitchat? We are supposed to have friendly banter inbetween stories.

>> Maybe i don't feel like having friendly banter. Maybe I'm rough and tough and all that. And i ain't going to be taking none of that.

>> Sit your ass down.

>> You ain't got to be hitting on me all like that. That hurt.

>> Here with a special neighborhood report, business report, mrs. Rosenthal.

>> Hello, darling.

[ Laughter ] well, in business news, I hear they're closing the macy's here parkchester.

>> Oh, no! I love my macy's! I bought my confirmation dress there.

>> I know. I know. They're moving to bay plaza. Where am i going to shop now? I remember when me and my husband herman used to go to the lowey's american and after we'd go over to joe's and joe's to eat.

[ Cheers ] that was before they built the bruckner interchange. Now, everything's crazy. But like my herman says, even though the neighborhood is changing -- if you know what i mean -- we're staying! What are we gonna do? Move to pelham? They'll follow us up there, too!

[ Laughter ] not that they're all bad.

[ Laughter ]

>> thank you, mrs. Rosenthal.

>> Oh, but i'm not finished!

>> Yes, you are. Clyde?

>> I told you to call me c-dog.

>> Oh, that's stupid! Just introduce the weather.

[ Laughter ]

>> all right. And now with the weather, the super at my building at 2105 burnside avenue, dominican lou. Lou, what's the dilly on that weather?

[ Speaking broken english ]

>> it's bad! It's cold! It's very cold! It's too cold! I'm from the dominican republic. There's no snow there.

[ Laughter ] the people in the building, they complaining to me. They say it's too cold. I tell them, 'you pay the rent, I fix the boiler.'

>> Hell, no!

[ Laughter ] I ain't paying no rent. You gotta fix the boiler.

>> You no pay no rent for two months.

[ Laughter ]

>> the boiler been broke for two months.

>> No rent, no heat.

>> Kiss my ass, lou!

>> No, you freeze your ass.

>> Okay, okay! Excuse me. Hello?

[ Laughter ] can we get back to the news?

>> Yeah, why not? How about tomorrow's headlines? 'Dominican lou found dead in polar bear cage at bronx zoo.'

[ Laughter ]

>> i'm not scared of you.

>> Well, bring it on, old man.

[ Everyone shouting ]

>> and your breath stank.

>> Oh, god. God, you all are so unprofessional! You all are so ghetto. My goodness, we are on television. I'm embarrassed as a legitimate reporter. You are not gonna mess up my chance at being the puerto rican connie chung.

[ Laughter ]

[ applause ]

>> girl, you ain't special. You from ashcomb avenue.

>> Excuse me?! I am this close to my communications degree from lehman college, okay? I do not need this. I will cut your ass in two. You do not know me. Hector, come over here!

>> Oh, see, why do you gotta get your brothers?

>> Uh-huh, yeah, now you just wait till they get here.

>> And then you pay the rent!

[ All shouting ]

>> this has been 'good morning bronx.'

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