LET'S face it, hating Mariah Carey was a cheap shot and, now that's she's faded since the failure of Glitter, I really miss her.
Was Mariah really all that bad? Well, yes, but she wasn't entirely talentless.
I refuse to be one of those contrarian hipsters who defends rubbish for the sake of it, but Mariah could sing, even though she was what my opera-singing grandfather would disdainfully refer to as a 'screecher' before spitting and cursing all modern popular music.
But Mariah's role was more important than merely singing. When we had Mariah, we had her fans, and at least when she was around they had an outlet.
Now there's a dangerous power vacuum in the world. Mariah's fans are out there, and they're waiting for someone else to take the reins.
The parallels with 1930s Germany are not hard to see. The person who replaces Mariah could be an individual of great evil, intent on destroying the world, rather than just a skinning bogan whose vocal chords are to thinking ears what plutonium is to children.
There are people out there demanding 'diva moves', craving the complex interaction of fluttering eyelids, an outstretched hand and the obscene slippage of lips over teeth. And they're not getting it.
There could be rioting in the streets. I foresee the destruction of many cardboard CD display cases.
My sympathy with Mariah Carey's plight is minimal. I laughed at her breakdown, and I clapped my hands with joy when she got the boot from her record label.
But now I realise that without her, I no longer feel like a whole person: I'm condemned to wander for all eternity in my own personal Dark Crystal.
Have we forgotten that without evil, there can be no good?
Come back Mariah: in these complex, post September 11 times, the world needs you more than ever.
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Australian Mariah Carey Fanclub |
(Edited by Miss Moon at 2:32 pm on April 22, 2002)
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