The End of 2000:
An Open Letter to Slim Shady & His Fans
By Chancy Shukkwon
It was a good year for Slim Shady. Bu its high time somebody took it to Mr. Mathersâ€™ chin. Before we even proceed, let it be clear that I feel Eminem is one of the undeniably tightest rappers out right now â€“ There is no questioning that. Admit it or not, most people have a little Shady in them and thus 5 millions albums sold in one month - 7 million to date. But I still have to put Em and his fans 'on blast' for the moment. Em is stranger fruit than ever imagined.
A Classic Great White Hope. The Larry Bird of Rap. Please spare me the talk of him being the Greatest Rapper Ever, as if Kool G Rap, Rakim and KRS One never existed. Understand, as an ill individual myself, I recognize Em keeps the coals hot for the lyrical cats, the ill street duns and the pop kiddies â€“ all at once. And oh how we tire of these 'blow dro niggas, slow flow niggas' rubbing their icey chains all in our poor faces. But the fact is after speaking to several Eminem Fans, most of them regarded him as the 'greatest rapper ever' because 'he has really great lyrics and he puts his words together really well.' One foolish person even regarded the now infamous 'Stan' to be the greatest rap story ever told. See, the word 'greatest' is used more often than 'great' when it comes to Mr. Shady. It is eerily reminiscent of Elvis Presley being proclaimed the King of Rock-n-Roll.
Ever wonder how Emimem manages to get away with all the antics he does? Itâ€™s simple. Heâ€™s white and sells a lot of records. (As far as the law in Michigan is concerned, Eminem is Black as they are pushing hard for jail time.) How did he manage to get his label to approve a CD with such a ferocious appetite for homophobia, ' violence towards women and a general absence of virtue. Dag, if you remember the moral folks over at Universal Records, the same parent label to Aftermath Records, made Ja Rule and The Murderers alter album lyrics that were negatively directed to gays and cops. Nobody, certainly not Universal Records, seem to care what Slim says as long as there are no overt references to the Columbine Shootings. But somehow, someway Eminem manages to elude Big Brother where others are rigorously regulated. The Marshall Mathers LP offers faithful more than a few anti-gay references and an overall CD of ultra-controversial material. You pooped on Sonny Bono and Superman Chris Reeve so why not make fun of Big Pun (tragic/ironic death) or Ricky Martin (suspected homosexual) while youâ€™re at in Em - I'm sure you can come up with some real funnies there!
Eminem makes a point to lick shots at sitting pop ducks like Nâ€™Synch, Christina Aguilara and Britney Spears. Marshall may be ill but he is not stupid. Let's see - what other artists Eminem could have had a lot of fun with on the CD? Sisqo should have had licking his lyrical chops for some great song content with all the rumors of him being gay. And boy that Sisqo sure is poppy and Black! And Brandy really reminds me of a Black Britney Spears. Black ass New Edition, the precursor to The New Kids on The Block (dissed by Mr. Mathers), the BackStreet Boys (also lyrically thrashed by Slim) and N'Synch (Nâ€™Stink according to Em), would be perfect to murder on wax. Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky, Ralph, and Mike had that syrupy pop tune 'Popcorn Love' Way back in the day. Yuck or yum, Marshall, they were sickeningly sweet pop that Black folks loved. Maybe Em could do a tune with stank Black ass Bobby Brown since it seems he and Em are both always in some trouble it.
Marshall loathes all those boy/girl groups but he helped himself fit in the category. He penned the poppy songs, 'My Name Is' and the newer 'The Real Slim Shady.' Marshall's big ole' blue eyes are naturally blue but is his hair naturally blond? No, but being a blonde bombshell makes for a better teenybopper idol than brown haired trailer trash. As I see it, Em helped himself become the idol of millions of the13-year old white kids he claims to hate. Before Dre, when you dropped your first CD and the Slim Shady EP you were a brunette. Confess, Slim, blondes have more fun and you secretly love being a teen idol. Pop Quiz: Name the last rapper that got rotation on a white rock radio stations.
A.) Will Smith
If you answered B and D, you are absolutely correct. Certainly, the lack of melanin helps get some extra spins way out of the hip-hop format. Since MOPâ€™s street mania is far harder rock than Slim Shady and its been over 10 years since RUN DMC topped the charts with 'Walk This Way,' itâ€™s safe to say Em has a totally acceptable advantage over most artists. It would just be pleasant for white folks to admit that they rallied nationwide to thrust Eminem into record breaking status.
Please, let us analyze the portrait of Eminem as a troubled bad boy.
Poor Slim admits on several songs that he was bullied as a child on the mean streets of Detroit and he now brandishes a gun with no bullets in it to equalize his deficiencies. 'People come to my house and they get a gun in their face every time,' Eminem says to Spin Magazine, 'If I can shove it in their mouth, Iâ€™ll shove it in their mouth.' And then what? Squirt some water in their thirsty mouth? Wait a minuteâ€¦Detroit. Actually, the young Marshall grew up (and was arrested) in Warren, Michigan, about 13 miles outside of Detroit. On the newest release he chides the Insane Clown Posse saying 'claiming Detroit when yaâ€™ll lived 20 miles away.' So, I guess you are about 7 miles more official than they are.
These days it is Slim who is the acting bully. He certainly feels that he can 'kill' Everlast (aka Whitey Ford), who had open-heart surgery, by causing him a heart attack. While Everlast or his bum ticker are no match for Em lyrically, Everlast did manage to retaliate and actually show a huge display of heart. Should the confrontation turn physical, Whitey would pummel Shady. Donâ€™t forget Everlast is the same cat that was the rowdy Irish, bottle cap-biting head of House of Pain.
Man, I actually love Em's material I will make no attempts to mar the fact than I feel him more than most rappers. Sh**
, I like him as much as any little white middle class chickenhead from Iowa. Furthermore, I hope the glorified blessing of being white and different continues to be helpful for Marshall Mathers, Slim Shady and Eminem. Selling1.76 million copies of the Marshall Mathers LP sold in the first week is not to be taken lightly. He surpassed 5 platinum in June 2000 along with Dr. Dre, except it took Dre like 7 months. Even still, I cannot hope to understand to be catapulted to instant success, loved, hated and 'put on blast' by the entire country. However, there is a nation of exceptional Black rappers that most white folks donâ€™t care about enough to buy their records. But honestly, if Mr. Mathers were to drop a new Eminem CD right now, less that a year after the Marshall Mathers LP, Iâ€™d be right there buying the bootleg 3 months earlier.
Sike, Iâ€™m just kidding Slim. You know I love ya. Forget about all that bullsh**
I was talking.
I am Chauncy Shukkwon and I donâ€™t give a f***
Just like you.
Thanks to allhiphop.comhttp://www.allhiphop.com
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