Be Gentle

mtvjunkie
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Postby mtvjunkie » Sat Mar 06, 2004 5:33 pm

okay im gonna post my fanfic in here as well as the jt board because i like feedback and dont seem to be getting as much as all the others. oh yeah and tell me how... erm... intimate you want this to be cause i have a really dodgy mind at the moment...

okay, he it goes:

may 26th 2004
it was my birthday treat (well i say treat but i always suggest me and my mum go up to london for the day because i know she likes to show me where she grew up) and this year my mum had taken me to the v&a museum to look round the latest exhibition they had on. this time it was about memphis -my mum wanted to go because tennesssee is were my brother is going to usiversity for a year, and i wanted to go because to be honest my six year crush on a certain mr timberlake had been going from strength to strength (i was so certain we were soulmates i believed him when he said him and britney were just friends) and i was curious about where he grew up.

mum and i were wondering about by ourselves and i was looking at some guitar of some famous guys (hey, it wasnt justins so why should it matter) and i moved to my left and being the clutz that i am i walked straight into the person on my left.

'im terribly sorry... ummm... ' i swear my heart missed several beats and the world for that instant stopped. he was so beautiful, my heart pounding away i felt a feeling inside me grow, i cant describe it -warmth, security maybe, definately happiness. he seemed to be looking at me the same way, i blushed and turned back to the guitar.

'umm, impressive isnt it.' he said, blushing under his blue baseball cap.

'it really is.' i took a look at him the same time as him. i love you. i love you? oh my god, i really do.

'i like the co...' but before i could finish the sentance he had pulled me against him and i could feel each and every pont at which our body met, i could feel a bulge and i knew that was intentional on his part.

'love at first sight?'

'yes' he looked visibly releaved and he brought me in as close as we could get and he kissed me, my knees gave was, i tingled and i felt i was melting inside him. please dont let this end.

'helena, what are you doing!' oh god, my mother.

'umm, i would like to intoduce to you my, erm, boyfriend... erm...?'

'justin timberlake, nice to meet you' i hadnt realised, i was so caught up in the feelings i was having. i was right, britney was wrong. i knew i was the luckiest girl alive, well, if i managed to escape this situation alive...

' the singer? im sorry if my daughter is harrassing you, i know shes had a crush on you since she was about 13, she has your poster blu-tacked on her door.' i blushed so much i think i may have come up with a new shade of red.

'dude, whats up?' i looked to my right and saw chris and lance (of course i knew who they were).

'uh hey guys...' we looked at each other and suddenly realised we were still pulled up very close so we both took a step back, looked at each other and laughed, half nervously, half through our situation.

after a rather akward meeting me and justin explained our situation (some believing us more than others mum) and we arranged for chris and lance to make their own way back -all of *NSYNC were staying in london recording a new track, and me justin and mum would meet up at the museum main entrance in two hours. we kept kissing, walking round holding hands not caring who saw. we stopped for a moment and i looked into his eyes. then i realised

'youre the man im gonna marry, arent you.'

'you feel it too?'

' i wont break your heart, i promise.' and i knew neither of us ever would, there was no doubt in our minds that this love would last a lifetime and neither of us would let it slip.

'you know this year more than any other im gonna need someone like you. i have a racism courtcase, they may still sue over that superbowl thing, i need you.'

'i promise i'll be there, you wont even need to shed a tear.' he looked deep in thought, sad thoughts, so i drew him towards me and kissed him. 'i promise i'll be the love of your life.'

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Postby mtvjunkie » Sat Mar 06, 2004 5:35 pm

okay, half this story is going to come in bit by bit:

'c'mon tell me more about what youre doing this year, i thought it was supposed to be your year off but there are loads of reports of you doing films and more albums... so whats the deal?'

'well, im doing a bit more solo stuff but im not sure about releasing another album just yet, and of course we're currently recording another *NSYNC album. oh yeah what did you think of the guys?'

'lance is taller in person and chris... well, umm, chris im sure has a nice personality.' he laughed, god i love his laugh 'and what a bout this autobiography thing? can you spell sell-out?'

'hardy ha ha ha, i regreted that as soon as they publisised it. do you know theyre the same publishers as madonna's sex book?'

'yeah, i heard that somewhere. hey! perhaps we could do a version of that'

'we?'

'of course. one rule... no animals.'

'ahh damn, no threesome with joey. ergh, id hate to see his hairy nekkid ass.'

'oh you wouldnt have to look at it. just penitrate it.'

'oh. dear. god.' he burst into laughter, all the time im thinking -i made him smile like that, i make him happy- ive never felt so content.

'so what about this edison film your supposed to be filming?'

'we just wrapped that up, you should come see a preview.' i hesitate 'what?'

'its nothing'

'no, seriously, tell me'

'what if youre a crap actor? how do i break it to you, how do i support you in any other roles? or do you want me to lie to you?' (when i did see the film, at worst his skills were average, better than ll cool j)

'i did have to audition, and the film could be successful even without my name. have faith girl' by the look on his face i knew he wasn't angry or upset, he must have known i'd seen model behavior.

'do you know how dissapointed i was when i found out you were in a cop film and yet not wearing any uniform?'

'actually i go undercover'

'how big is your trucheon?'

'huge... and thick'

'i wouldnt expect anything less.'

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Postby mtvjunkie » Sat Mar 06, 2004 5:36 pm

29th may 2004
'remind me why im doing this again?' he genuinely looks nervous, bless.

'what do you have to worry about? use your southern charm.' he looks wryly at me sideways as we drive up my road 'look my parents wont let me stay with you unless theyve met you which is-'

'which is fair enough iknow, but cant they just read my mtv bio?

'or your soon to be published memoirs...'

'use that sexy french voice again, c'mon, memoirs.'

'umm sure mon petit ecolier. oh darn look heres the house' little does he know a petit ecolier is a chocolate coered shortcake shaped as a milkboy.

to be honest im nervous too, this is the first time hes met all of my family and we can be an overwhelming bunch at times. was my 18th on the 24th. everyone has come home, even my brother has flown in from the states -funny, inever knew he liked me. im hoping that because hes such as 'family man' what with being a mummys boy in all he should charm the pants off everyone (oh god, my dad, mental picture).

we've just driven god knows how many miles, i live in hampshire (often thought of as the poshest county of england) and at about ten this morning i got on a two hour train all the way to waterloo where i met justin, had my breakfast, then got in the car, got lost umpteen times trying to get out of central london (we managed to drive past hampton court and buckingham palace), have been sat in a traffic jam for an hour and a half at a complete standstill (justin even had time to, erm, relieve himself by the side of the road). ahh, love. i wonder what its all about.

still, back to the present. i used my housekeys and lo and behold who should greet us? not a protective parent or a smirking brother... the dog. our big fluffy alsation sticks his nose right up justins unmentionables, sniffs loudly and -nose still firmly in place- barks once, but loudly. justins face was priceless, i could tell he had a sudden overwhelming urge to rush to the toilet and check everything ws still attached.

before he could though my mum and dad came in to greet him, holding his crotch in a rather indecent manner. 'you really want to be the next michael jackson dont you.' my dad, ever the comedian, could give jay leno a run for his money on politically incorrect jokes.

'um yeah, hi' he sticks out his hand which no one wants to take now knowing where its been. both parents give him a nod while i give them an explaination.

we move into the front room past my brother on the computer who is downloading music. 'you do know thats illegal dont you?' justin says. its ironic that that brother (david, 14) wants to be a policeman when he leaves school.

'what would you know. idiot' i motion to justin to keep quiet which he does. hmm, so far so good.

we go into the kitchen where dad makes tea for all of us. god help us all hes about to speak again. 'you seem to be a camp american.' oh. god.

'uh pardon?'

'well youre american and have quite a high pitched voice. plus you seem to be quite well dressed, are you sure youre straight?' dads having a field day.

well if i wasnt before i met helena then she turned me.' i later found out that was a joke, sinking like a lead balloon. the point is he tried.

'so justin,' thank you mum thank you. 'have you had a chance to go to any other museums in london yet?'

'yeah, i actually went to the british museum just yesterday, i found it fascinating' use of long words -good work justin.

'i once heard an american say that he thought it was disrespectful that we removed so much history from so many different countries-'

he pre empted a very rude insult (my dad is anti american) with 'well its better than how americans show respect, we just seem to blow every damn thing in sight.' rule number one: always warn your boy/girlfriend of who they may meet. he actually silenced my father, something that hasnt been done since 1978, bravo justin. that blew my fathers misconceptions of americans (overpatriotic, stupid) right out of the water and hes never been the same since. thank god.

the first meeting went well, surprisingly well, if you ignore some of my fathers comments and my parents approved of my staying with him. i have him to thank for that, he meant every kind word he said about me and managed to boost my confidence no end (still does). only one thing went wrong:

'so what do you think about helena being aspergers?'

'im sorry what? did you want asparagus?' eeveryone looked at me, i hadn't told him.

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Postby mtvjunkie » Sat Mar 06, 2004 5:37 pm

no insulting what it is cause i have it too.

for u.s readers: primary school is age 5 to11, secondary school is age 11 to 16, college (optional) is 16 to 18, and university is 18 to 21/22.


i'll tell you what he knows now, i admited everything there and then.

Aspergers syndrome is actually a type of high functioninh autism, it tends to mean you have a very high iq (i have 145 whereas the average person has 100) but you suffer in many other ways, dont ask me how justin didnt know. with aspergers it takes over all of your life; you cant function in social situations and find it hard to accept change to your regular routine. panic attacks are something i have regularly too but that will come later.

im very socially inept, i got bullied intensively by about 60% of the school population upfront and another 25% behind my back. i had no friends (and i still have very few) and as embarrasing as it is to admit, justin was my first kiss, is my first love.

once i reached college and had still not been kissed i promised to never take love forgranted, to not do anything stupid, but i still felt lonely. i told myself that the man i fall in love with will be the man i marry, that the man i sleep with will be the father of my children, gawd how old fashioned am i? but then so is justin, still to this day i do not doubt we are made for one another.

when i told justin this, rather than being freaked out like i thought he would be (which is why i hadnt told him) he seemed interested, curious, and best of all sympathetic. they say that relationships are one sided, that one loves the other more -well i wish i could say that was me, but it was him. hes my life support, my mentor, the centre of my universe, but he still loves me more -although to me that at first seemed impossible.

he supported me when i told him i was going to universtiy in september (to study for primary school teaching) and during my college exams (which unfortunately landed around the time of my birthday) he stayed in england -yes, chose me over his mother- and helped me revise, so i have him to thank for my grades.

you notice i talk in the past tense- justin and i are writing our memoirs (i still cant use that word without smiling at his kinky french fetish (easy now)). we arent writing it to be published, we're writing it, well, just to write, so our lives and how we met arent forgotton, because a little child inside of us both hopes that our grandchildren or greatgrandchildren will find this book one day and know all the struggles we went through. im not ruining the ending by saying we're still together and its a happily ever after because its all the struggles we went through which makes the story.

but back to his reaction:
'helena, are you scared thats gonna put me off you?'

i look down at my lap and then to him, rather sheepishly 'does it?'

he laughs and i realise how stupid of me that was ' i love you, and i'll say that as many times as i have to to make you believe im here to stay. i promise i'll support you.'

'im a dufus arent i.'

'yes.'

later he gives me my birthday present, a diamond ring. at first i have to admit i was scared he was going to propose and although i knew we were meant to be i wasnt sure now was the time. when i realised it was just a ring i blushed. 'justin i cant take this.'

'why not? dont you like it? i can get another if you-' he loks upset.

'its not that'

'then what?'

'that ring costs half of a university education, im not sure i can accept it'

'helena, is this about the aspergers thing?'

'no-'

'i didnt mean it to be such an overwhelming present. i want to give this to you as a token of my love -god thats such a cliche, sorry. i'll always be there for you, have this ring with you and you know youve got my support. and im talking in cliches again.' i laugh, relieved 'i blame hollywood. i cant help it, i cant think of any way to describe it which hasnt already been said by ten thousand tall dark hansome strangers to big breasted blondes already.'

'i know what you mean, like a symbol of our bond.'

'exactly, damn you english and your mastery of the english language' i smile. 'and now about your university tuition fees-'

'justin i want to feel like ive earnt my degree. i mean its good that i have financial backup if im really desperate but id like to be more independant. although im glad it means i wont have to turn to prostitution or stripping for cash.'

'sure, okay. but i suggest you learn the tricks of the trade first.'

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Postby mtvjunkie » Sat Mar 06, 2004 5:38 pm

i forgot to add this:

panic attacks, for me at least, happen at no particular time (although they were always regular occurances at award shows which i went to to support justin -they scare the hell out of me, he knows this, i still went because i wanted to show my support for him).

when i have a panic attack it scares the hell out of me (and they happen often), i cant breathe, feel like throwing up, i feel dizzy, and i feel faint. i got these a lot during my exams, but looking at the ring he gave me reminded me of him, of his voice, his kid words, and in the midst of these terrible feelings blowing out of control like a hurricane, i managed to find inner calm. i told you he was the centre of my universe and i did not lie. i love him and always will.

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Postby mtvjunkie » Sat Mar 06, 2004 5:39 pm

i forgot to add this:

panic attacks, for me at least, happen at no particular time (although they were always regular occurances at award shows which i went to to support justin -they scare the hell out of me, he knows this, i still went because i wanted to show my support for him).

when i have a panic attack it scares the hell out of me (and they happen often), i cant breathe, feel like throwing up, i feel dizzy, and i feel faint. i got these a lot during my exams, but looking at the ring he gave me reminded me of him, of his voice, his kid words, and in the midst of these terrible feelings blowing out of control like a hurricane, i managed to find inner calm. i told you he was the centre of my universe and i did not lie. i love him and always will.

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Postby mtvjunkie » Sat Mar 06, 2004 5:40 pm

i was worried about how the rest of *NSYNC would react to me being justins girlfriend and being so serious so soon, and being asperger didnt help my case, i was really worried about first impressions.

it wasnt too fantastic nor was it a tragedy. justin told them about our sex book idea and when talking about joeys hairy arse and justins penetration justin felt he had to go into another room, i believe his exact words were: 'i respect and love y'all but i really need to be alone right now' thus was the strength of justins mental image.

what really got me into their good books (traces too) was my cooking ability. while in london recording if they werent at a restaurant they got takeaway. with my presence they got good old home cooking and through that i got a kind of appreciation, they soon got used to me, when justin told them about my aspergers they even respected me (and jc later admitted to me that they were aprehensive about my presence at first because i acted a bit oddly -i dont take offense to this because i do do odd things at times).

justin and my relationship was going from strength to strength, and we came to a new level of intimacy on:

june 10th 2004
it was me and justin alone in the house, the rest of the guys were out at various clubs and concerts and no one would be home to disturb us until about 4am. we knew what we would be doing tonight and the atmosphere was electric.

'justin...'

'yeah, i know'

'helena,' he wispered in my ear, every hair on the back of my neck standing on end 'i want you.'

'i want you too' it sounds stupid but i think that might be the single most erotic moment of my life (and reading what else we've done later will make you believe this even less) as we knew there can only be one first time, that this had to be amazing, fireworks should go off. they did.

he took my hand and led me up to the bedroom, i knew he was just as nervous as me, but i knew we wouldnt regret it. we stood at the foot of the bed and looked at one another straight in the eyes and kissed. as we kissed he pulled off his shirt to reveal his incredible body, i gasped and that spurned him on even more, his erection was huge and i was the cause of that, i felt so turned on that i thought he would just have to enter me and i'd come. i tugeed at his belt buckle and with his hands on top of mine we both undid it and dropped it to the ground.

he brought his right hand up so it brushed my cheek, then my neck, then he brought his left hand up to the back of my neck and undid my halterneck dress which fell staight to the ground. i undid his jeans and they dropped to the floor and he stood infront of me, naked.

i moved to the bed and lay on my left side and he joined me, facing me, and slowly he got on top of me and entered me.

ive never felt anything like it, he was actually inside of me. slowly he brought his hips up and down in a rythmic motion and kissed me, panting softly. it wasnt long before i was coming up to join him, panting wispering his name... i wanted to be inside him forever.

it wasnt long before i started to climax and saw he was at about the same point, so i kissed him. not being able to compliment the feelings of intense pressure with heavy panting we both started to moan. the orgasm lasted long for both of us, and it was so intense. at that point he became a drug i couldnt live without, i wanted him night and day, we had,have,and always will have an intense relationship.

we lay next to each other, spent, panting and we looked at each other. smiling. 'lets do it again' his grin reached both sides of his face 'but this time i want to have a little more fun.' he lifted an eyebrow, still smiling.

he grabbed me by the waist and pushed me against the wall with a devilish look on his face. he lifted me up in his strong muscular arms and hooked my legs around his waist and, against the wall, he penetrated me so deeply i didnt know if i could take it. he did this to me twice that night, and god knows how many times since.




AUTHORS NOTE: you said it could get intimate... . oh yes and girls i forgot to mention she took the pill (well i didnt forget, i just didnt know where to put it -pardon the pun ).

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Postby mtvjunkie » Sat Mar 06, 2004 5:41 pm

11 june 2004 (my courtcase is 10 days away):
'penis envy.'

'i'm sorry what?'

'penis envy, you have penis envy.'

'i do not justin' we're walking down central park in new york where we'll be staying for a couple of days. shes never been abroad anywhere further than the north of france so i wanted to show her around what i think are the best parts of america. her mom used to take her to see loads of stately homes when she was younger so i wanted to show her we got great architechture too (her father said america is the ugliest country in the world and, well... actually i wont give my opinion of him right now because i dont know whether after starting i could ever stop).

shes beautiful. im walking her round the city hand in hand, in broad daylight, in the blazing sun. its a temptation to check if my feet are still on the ground or whether they are what they feel: floating about two foot above ground.

'if you dont then why d'you keep checking my crotch?'

'i get horny sometimes. why do you keep checking out my breasts?'

'one: im male, two: im horny' we both smile knowing what we both want to do, but we keep walking, it builds up the sexual tension between us -like a kind of foreplay 'and three: your dress is very... uh... low-cut.' she smiles.

'breast envy'

'naw! i have no idea what you are talking about girl.' she stops walking for a second and looks me in the eye 'curious... maybe, envious? no!'

'a relationship shouldnt be build on lies justin...' god i love the way she pronounces my name in her sexy english accent.

'hey look, i could get breasts if i wanted! i mean plastic surgery is pretty common.' she snorts a reply 'and were i really curious about what being a guy with breasts was like i'd ask chris.'

im not the type of guy who falls in love easily, theres always problems arising sooner or later. how is helena different? i dunno but im glad she is. i had the woman i wanted right up in my head, but helena isnt like that, shes the woman i needed, especially now with what i got coming up.

shes gonna meet my momma in three days time and i can tell shes nervous about it. just cause im a mommys boy doesnt mean im gonna leave her if my mom doesnt like her. plus i know that theyll both get along. to be honest i cant wait.

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Postby mtvjunkie » Sat Mar 06, 2004 5:44 pm

14 june 2004 (one week away):
we just arrived at my house, and we're going to my parents for dinner. momma just told me that half the family is gonna come round just to see my 'mystery' girlfriend and im not sure whether i should tell her or not- will it just make her more nervous, or does she need advanced warning?

shes very nervous and i can tell shes starting to have another panic attack again. they seem to be getting more requent lately and im really starting to worry about her. shes hyperventalating and lookig a bit pale. should i call this off? should i call a doctor?

oh god! she just collapsed!

<span style='color:gray'>'helena!' i rush to her side 'helena? open your eyes, please talk to me.' shes so pale in the face, what do i do? i kneel down beside her and put her head on my lap 'please be alright, please?' i cant help it, i cry. should i call an amublance? a doctor? my parents? i sob quite openly for a few minutes, i dont know if i should do anything. the phone rings. didnt she say she tends to manage these by herself? shes never done this before...</span>

my head is spinning, i know i passed out, and i seem to be on justins lap and hes shaking. 'justin?'

'oh sh*t helena, you scared the cr*p out of me! what happened?'

'i just fainted, thats all... you didnt call an ambulance did you?'

'no... do you want me to?'

'i'll be okay in a minute, im just a little dizzy thats all.'

'what should i do?'

'uhh, well i read you're supposed to put my feet at an elevated level so the blood can rush to my head... god i feel stupid.'

he puts some cushions underneath my feet and comes back to my head so we can talk. 'please dont ever do that again, you scared me.'

'it scared me a little too, i've only passed out once before and it aint a pleasant feeling... is that phone still ringing?' right when i say that it stops 'ah well'

we talk for another ten minutes and i feel a little better, then justins mobile (cell) phone rings.<span style='color:gray'> 'justin where are you?'

'ah, momma, is that you?'

'i called you about ten minutes ago and you didnt pick up. is anything the matter?'

'oh just a little incident'

'anything serious?'

'oh helena passed out.'</span>

after justin finishes talking to his mother he angs up then turns round and looks at me 'it seems you're gonna meet my momma sooner than expected.' its tempting to pass out again.

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Postby mtvjunkie » Sat Mar 06, 2004 5:45 pm

cr*p cr*p cr*p, im lying on my back with my feet in the air about to meet someone who is more than likely going to be my mother in law one day. sh*t.

'stop worrying helena, youll be fine.'

'oh that makes everything dandy now.'

he laughs 'seriously. take deep breaths-' the doorbell rings and i can hear her voice, shes talking to justin and the footsteps are getting closer.

oh god... i think im going again...



ten minutes later...
i now see why justins a mummys boy, heck, i want to be adopted by her... i woke up and she was there stroking my hair, justin pacing up and down by my side like an expectant father.

'uh... hi... im-'

'dont worry about that, justins already told me plenty about you''

'i hope its been complimentry.' she smiles

'most-'

'justin!'


but back to the ten minutes later... she went and got me ice cream to 'build up my strength' and justin looks at me as if hes asking 'so, do you like her?', i nod as best i can without making myself too dizzy. at least im not nervous anymore, well, apart from the dinner ive agrred to later.

she puts the tub of ben and jerry by my side which i gratefully and rather greedily eat. 'so you seem to like me...'

'of course! you werent worried were you?'

'if this is relationship is as definate as justin says, well... i wouldnt want to put you off...' aww, bless.

'i think its fair to say there is nothing that could put me off justin. and i guess its kind of obvious that i was nervous too...'

'rest assured, i like you.'

'aww...'

'shame really, there are so many mother in law jokes-'

justin chirps in finally 'and yo momma insults that you cant use.'

'i can think of one'

'oh?' lynne raises an eyebrow.

'yo momma so pretty you must be adopted.' lynne stiffles a laugh which i hope is laughing with me.

'hey-' justin says.

'what? she is, i'd do her.' lynne laughs out loud despite herself.

then justins face changes for the worse 'oh god... mental image'

'what? im sure your mothers very into sexual exploration. she might even be into s&m, you might have been concieved through a thin layer of faeces.' lynne aughs again

'no momma, dont laugh, deny it!'

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Postby mtvjunkie » Sat Mar 06, 2004 5:45 pm

dinner with justins family isnt so bad (well, apart from the fact that justin forgot to tell them i was vergetarian -but its okay, im just eating loads of roast potatoes with tomato ketchup). they all seem very interested in me which although is flattering its also a little un nerving -it feels like the spanish inquisition. its getting to dessert now so the questions are starting to slow down.

'so... what do you want to do when you leave college?'

'uh, im trying to get into university so i can get a degree in teaching.'

'what kind of teaching?'

'primary teaching, for ages 5 to 11.'

'how can you be sure you want to be a teacher?'

'well i-'

'and how can you be so sure of the age group?'



justin and i finally got back to his house and i let out a sigh 'well that was fun'

'eh' is his helpful reply.

we're in his bedroom and he puts his arm around my waist but... 'justin i cant?'

'what you ill or something?'

'kind of...'

helena?' he can see something is troubling me deeply. ive not been in the mood for sex lately which is definately not like me.

'baby youve been acting funny for the past week, whats wrong? you barely even let me touch you.'

'im sorry justin, im just not myself today' i try to walk into the bathroom to signify end of subject but before i can close the door completely he puts his foot in the way.

its too late, hes seen them 'helena, what are those bruises?'

i cant tell him, itll break his heart.

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Postby mtvjunkie » Sat Mar 06, 2004 5:46 pm

from the new york post:

singer justin timberlake has been causing concern among domestic violence associations after being seen with a very bruised girl over the past week. madelaine keele from the Domestic Violence Association tells the new york post why this raises concern: 'the bruises which the girl seems to have incurred are not the sort which come from bumping into something or falling over. the bruises are based mostly around the stomach and ribs, places which can only be bruised in that way if it was done intentionally by another party.'

the bruises are thought to be given by the singer himself to the un-named girl (who through pictures are occasionally kissing -thus implying they are a couple). reasons for this come from the body language between the two implies a lack of trust on the girl's part and guilt on the singer's part.

it is not yet known how he gave the girl these bruises but he will be coming under intense public scrutiny for this deplorable act. tommorow he shall come under the press spotlight once again as he is due in court on racism charges against a former tour manager.

on this reporters part i must say i find this disgusting behavior and urge any protestors to stand outside the courthouse tommorow and let timberlake know what we think of him, and urge his record label (jive) to drop him. he is a menace to society.

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Postby mtvjunkie » Sat Mar 06, 2004 5:47 pm

21st june 2004 (first day of courtcase):

why cant she tell me? i can think straight. did i do it when i got drunk the other day? oh god, how would i live with myself? if i did do it then it would explain a lot, the way shes been looking at me expecting to do something bad. i still wish she'd tell me though.

i cant think straight today, but i need to if we're gonna win this. the b*stard, i cant believe hes trying to get money out of us in such a horrible way. its times like these when i think about giving up the music industry.

it might not be a bad idea, i could start a family with helena, it would be nice to live the quiet life. i could spend a lot more time with my family, my kids (see i smile just thinking about being a father). no one would sue the sh*t outta me ever again.

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Postby mtvjunkie » Sat Mar 06, 2004 5:49 pm

transcript from mtv news phone call made shortly before court appearance:

TRL uh, right no we have susanne green, *NSYNCs attorney on the phone (cheering)

SG hey

TRL now youve called in to set the record straight about this domestic violence rumour

SG absolutely, i can confirm that justin is completely innocent of these charges, it- (cheering and applauding) it is something justin could never do (cheering). it was merely a rumour created to sell newspapers and we are considering legal action.

TRL could you confirm who the girl with justin is?

SG no, im afraid i cannot.

TRL can you confirm how she got bruised?

SG no, i cannot.

TRL thank you




not dated:
'let go... please let go?... i didnt mean to... are you drunk? help? help? please? why cant anyone hear me? i wont be able to forgive you... its not youre first time is it. JUSTIN!!!'

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Postby mtvjunkie » Sat Mar 06, 2004 5:51 pm

during the courtcase (which lasted over five weeks) justin and i only spoke minimum amounts, neither of us were angry at the other, we just didnt know how to express ourselves. hes really struggling with the courtcase: hes not eating, sleeping, talking or kissing. i dont know what to do: every time i try to kiss he moves away, there are protestors outside the court everyday and jive are being put under a lot of pressure to drop him. i dont know how he keeps up without food or sleep, all he does is drink loads of coffee. i hope this doesnt go on too much longer. and how do i tell him about about what he did that night (hell, i dont know either). how much longer can we keep this up?





24th july (last day of courtcase):

hes a horrible person this man, each time the end of the courtcase was in sight he would 'remember' another account and people had to be interviewed all over again, it really dragged on, and im sure not one person (prosecution and families included) believed *NSYNC were guilty, they were merely in it for the money.

when the verdict was announced 'not guilty' everyone on the defense side looked relieved apart from justin who looked no different. when we got home (everyone was due to come back round our place in a couple of hours for a celebratory dinner) he started crying.

'im sorry helena'

i go over to him and hold him, half wishing he was saying this about that night. he starts to cry, he cries so hard hes shaking 'baby its okay' i keep telling him until after a while he stops, with red puffy eyes. he hasnt eaten so hes hungry, he eats huge amounts of food (which i assume is making up for lost meals) and after about three courses he stops, satisfied.

'i dont know what i'd do without you, dont ever leave me,' he looks into my eyes and i start to cry.

'justin i have to tell you what happened' ive been dreading this moment.

'okay'

'you raped me' silence 'well... im not sure about that to be honest, which is why i havent told you... you see i kind of wanted it.'

'god... im sorry... i... uh... dont remember this...'

'it was on the 10th june, the day we were discussing penis envy, when you got really drunk that night. you came home and grabbed me by the waist hard and pushed me against the wall,'he has tears in his eyes looking down at the floor 'you kissed me hard on the mouth and when i tried to pull away you wouldnt let me so you punched me in the ribs' he sobs 'so i let you have your way. the problem is it seemed like it wasnt your first time...'

'you broke my heart justin' he still looks at the floor, head in hands 'how the hell do you think i feel? ive got to go.' we both knew i didnt mean im gonna take a walk or sleep on it. it meant actually go.

and thats how she walked out of my life. but i didnt realise my life was gonna get even worse...

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Postby mtvjunkie » Sat Mar 06, 2004 5:51 pm

as soon as she walked out the door i collapsed, cried and stayed there for what seemed like hours. the doorbell rang but i just let it ring. then i heard a key turning in the door. helena? it was my mother, looking very pale, then she saw me. 'justin! what happened!'

'she left me'

'what? why?' i couldnt tell her, she'd be so ashamed.

'its all my fault!'

'im sure its not baby' she held me in my arms as i sobbed away, well aware that she may not come back. 'this is the worst time for this to happen'

'what do you mean ma?'

'im afraid youve got to attend a crisis meeting with the label tomorrow, you have to convince them not to drop you.'

i wanted to be dropped, from the label or the top of a five story building i dont care what happens to me, but im not sure the rest of the guys are too keen on me leaving.

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Postby mtvjunkie » Sat Mar 06, 2004 5:53 pm

helena told me she would only date me if i gave up dope and my ocassional ecstasy and so i pretended to her that i did, but i did them behind her back. i have to admit i was getting kind of addicted: the thrill that not only were they banned by law but also banned by my girlfriend made it seem all the more exiting. it was also something i had used when i was single to help deal with things when it got too much, so i went to that meeting stoned.

'hey guys' i yell to the rest of the group, my friends, my family, my brothers 'whats up?'

'dude are you stoned?' asked jc, great guy, knows me real well.

'not much'

'aww crap. dude, could you have picked a worse time?' whys he angry at me? we enter the boardroom.

johnny speaks 'now you all-'

'hey johnny!' havent seen him in ages. the guys look at one another. 'what?' and i sit down.

'i'll start again'

'sorry'

'okay now-'

'no hard feelings right?' joey mouths the word 'jesus' to lance. dont they like me anymore?

'uh...'

'carry on'

'right. youre here because lately we've been given hell by truckloads of people complaining about justin-'

'sorry about that'

'uh... okay... they want justin dropped basically and of course this affects *NSYNC tremendously so we've come up with some suggestions. unless you guys have any ideas...'

'johnny?'

'yes justin?'

'have you lost weight?'

'can someone tell me whats wrong with him?'

'he's stoned'

i guess what they decided was the best for me, i kind of needed it. i didnt like the way they decided it behind my back though.



feedback please?

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Postby mtvjunkie » Sun Mar 07, 2004 6:13 am

from new york post:

justin timberlake's record label have announced that he has been booked into rehab for cannabis addiction. it is thought he began smoking heavily after former love britney cheated on him. it is also thought that he beat up the still un named girl while under the influence.

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Postby mtvjunkie » Sun Mar 07, 2004 6:24 am

im lying on my bed in rehab. rehab? i didnt even know i had it that hard, but i guess it made sense, even just two days after ive entered here im starting to get withdrawl symptoms, whay the f*ck is wrong with me?

why cant i ever keep the girl, but this time i screwed it up big time... with the woman i hope to marry... i dont know what to do, no ones visited me and no one seems to want to talk to me.

i cant tell the psyciatrist about me raping helena (i still cant believe i raped her) cause he'll look at me differently and will be disgusted, but i dont see how im gonna get better if i dont tell him. what the f*ck am i gonna do.

i got a letter today, from helena, and it said 'i think its for the best' so now i assume that we're completely over.

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Postby mtvjunkie » Sun Mar 07, 2004 6:28 am

i tell my psyciatrist 'i want to slit my wrists, hang myself, take an overdose. i want to get rid of this pain, i want to die.' and i mean every word.

he says 'thats natural, it'll go away after a while just let it get out of your system.'

i say 'whats the point in living?'

he doesnt answer.

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Postby mtvjunkie » Sun Mar 07, 2004 6:30 am

okay, now it gets really scary:

from mtv.com:

justin timberlake was found unconcious this morning, he is in hospital at the moment for a suspected painkiller overdose. we will keep you updated with the latest.

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Postby mtvjunkie » Sun Mar 07, 2004 12:44 pm

helena visited me in hospital: 'justin, youre trouble, im not sure i even want to be associated with you anymore'

'what? please dont say that helena please-'

'f*ck off justin, you raped me so... so... brutally, and you cant remember it and you seemed to have done it before. now you put me through emotional hell with this overdose thing, what were you thinking?'

'you'

'what?'

'you, i was thinking of you, i couldnt stop thinking of you, i cant live without you, so i thought it would be better just to die.'

'justin, i-'

'no let me finish. i realise now that i genuinely have a problem with pot, and im sorry i did it behind your back, it was turning me into a bad person. and as for the rape thing... im so ashamed of myself im not worthy of your presense anymore, i understand why you went, i dont blame you -if it were me i'd probably and up making a huge scene which just shows how much better you are than me-'

'justin-'

'i love you helena and i always will, i understand if you need to go and i understand if you never come back.'

'i love you too justin and i always will. i'll be honest, i never meant to leave you permanantly, i just needed to get my head together, thats all.'


OR


'justin i love you!'

'i love you too helena!' and we kiss and i propose and we live happily ever after.

helena is coming to visit me in hospital, she should be due any minute and i have no idea how its gonna go, so ive been going through the best and worst senarios in my head, but it could all end -how does she put it- 'tits up'.


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