H E L P !

mtvjunkie
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Postby mtvjunkie » Mon Jan 31, 2005 5:53 pm

:pray: Please help me make this sentence make sense:

By the time the restaurant closed he knew the word for 'salt', 'pepper', 'plate', 'car', 'fork', 'knife' and 'table'. Every time he named an object correctly she would smile and clap enthusiastically, and he smiled to himself, contented with his mastering of the English language. On the eve of his and his family's relocation to Julia's he had added 'hello', 'goodbye', 'yes', 'no' and 'please'; his want to fit into the country was dwindling and Julia's want to communicate with him and his family was losing it's initial appeal, thus causing a slight deterioration of motivation in the field of translation.



:pray: :pray: *puppydog eyes*

It just doesn't sound right to me, and I've changed it about eight million times <_<

:yell: HELP!

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whatchagot4meMRJT
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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Mon Jan 31, 2005 7:08 pm

:o That's too complicated for my mind to fix. Where is Miss Ash when we need her? :nod:

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Postby mtvjunkie » Mon Jan 31, 2005 7:34 pm

:kiss2: Thanks for trying Paige.

:yell: ASH!

I'm doing a proper novel this time :blink:

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whatchagot4meMRJT
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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Mon Jan 31, 2005 9:22 pm

Oooh, I want an advance copy of this novel. :nod:

When I read this, I thought it was from Diary of Justin Timberlake, and I was trying to figure out what was going to happen in the next chapter. :lol:


And somebody's up late. :nod: But I bet you're off in dreamland now. :snore:

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Postby mtvjunkie » Tue Feb 01, 2005 6:13 am

whatchagot4meMRJT wrote: When I read this, I thought it was from Diary of Justin Timberlake, and I was trying to figure out what was going to happen in the next chapter. :lol:

:nana:

I was up late :nod: I decided I wouldn't go to sleep until I finished the chapter, and ended up going to bed at one :bored: But I'm really proud of the story, I think it's my best yet ^_^

And I haven't even started the second chapter so you're gonna have to be waiting a while :rofl: Although I have been thinking of posting it on here chapter by chapter to see what you think :shrug:

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Postby JTnTN » Tue Feb 01, 2005 12:36 pm

:blink: Yeah, I'm not intelligent enough to comprehend where that's going. :lol:

Oh, but I do know that it should be its instead of it's. :lol:
And I'd change one of those wants to a yearn or longing. :shrug:

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Postby mtvjunkie » Tue Feb 01, 2005 1:46 pm

:stupidme: I should have noticed that 'its'

I guess it would probably be a whole lot easier to post the chapter, which I guess I could do :thinking: but basically it's a woman dating/engaged to a guy who doesn't speak English (and they meet in a restaurant) and at first she tries to teach him some words, but they both end up losing motivation so give up.

I'm gonna count on Ash then :unsure:

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Angelpopstar7
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Postby Angelpopstar7 » Tue Feb 01, 2005 5:21 pm

how about

his want to fit into the country was dwindling and Julia's want to communicate with him and his family was losing its initial appeal; which was beginning to cause a slight deterioration of motivation in the field of translation.

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Postby mtvjunkie » Tue Feb 01, 2005 5:50 pm

:thinking: That might work actually

:thumbup: Good job and thanks :hug:

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Postby justins bubbles » Wed Feb 02, 2005 2:18 am

<span style='color:blue'>Or how about this:

On the eve of his and his family's relocation to Julia's he had added 'hello', 'goodbye', 'yes', 'no' and 'please'.

His want to fit into the country was dwindling. Julia's want to communicate with him and his family was losing its initial appeal. This was all beginning to cause a slight deterioration of motivation in the field of translation.

or

his want to fit into the country was dwindling while Julia's want to communicate with him and his family was losing its initial appeal, both beginning to cause a slight deterioration of motivation in the field of translation.

OR!

his want to fit into the country was dwindling while Julia's want to communicate with him and his family was losing its initial appeal. This was all beginning to cause a slight deterioration of motivation in the field of translation.

:lol:


:shrug: I think I like the third one.
</span>

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Postby mtvjunkie » Wed Feb 02, 2005 7:11 am

:thinking: More stuff to ponder, they definately are an improvement on my original :nod:

Thanks for your help :yay:

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Postby BabyBlue2578 » Thu Feb 03, 2005 11:13 am

<span style='color:ff0099'>Did you get it already? I was thinking of something like...

His dwindling yearn to fit into the country, combined with the notion that Julia's want to communicate with him and his family was losing its initial appeal, the motivation for translation was slightly deteriorating.

:shrug: Bubs has good ones. :nod: I kinda changed it a lot. :ph34r: And sorry I was so damn late. :lol:</span>

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Postby mtvjunkie » Thu Feb 03, 2005 11:16 am

:thinking: Nah, you ain't missed the boat. And I have about twenty other paragraphs you can have a look at if you like :rofl: And that's only the first two chapters :no:

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Postby mtvjunkie » Thu Feb 03, 2005 11:21 am

:thinking: Talking about writing, Paige you've missed like two updates. One in which Justin asks to 'lick' Keisha :nod: :rofl: *

Why is Paige the only one who reads it? :lonely:


*EDIT: I wish to apologise about laughing at my own joke :ph34r: :P

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BabyBlue2578
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Postby BabyBlue2578 » Thu Feb 03, 2005 11:25 am

<span style='color:ff0099'>:lol:

:ph34r: I love it. I just forget to go back and read updates. Then I get far behind and take forever to catch up. :unsure:

But I promise I will! :kiss:</span>

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Postby mtvjunkie » Thu Feb 03, 2005 11:31 am

:kiss2: Well that's alright then, I don't have to disown you now :lol: I haven't done that many updates :ph34r: so you aren't too far behind :nod:

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justins bubbles
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Postby justins bubbles » Thu Feb 03, 2005 11:40 am

<span style='color:blue'>:shrug: I can't give you an answer why I don't read it. :no: I'm so ashamed! :headache:

But I'll start asap!</span>

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Postby mtvjunkie » Thu Feb 03, 2005 11:53 am

It's 'Dairy of Justin Timberlake' on my nf page that I'm talking about by the way :nod: Probably my most interesting story so far, although I do kinda prefer writing short stories, sometimes the long stories can start to be a bit of a chore.

But 'Let's take a ride' doesn't seem to be like that so don't think of using that as an excuse :nono: ;)

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justins bubbles
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Postby justins bubbles » Thu Feb 03, 2005 1:06 pm

:lol:



:nod:


:sprint:

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Postby mtvjunkie » Thu Feb 03, 2005 2:37 pm

:whisper: You spelt 'required' wrong in your sig

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justins bubbles
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Postby justins bubbles » Thu Feb 03, 2005 2:55 pm

<span style='color:blue'>Oh, well now that just adds to the humor... I so copied and pasted that from Jordin. :rofl:</span>

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Postby mtvjunkie » Thu Feb 03, 2005 3:01 pm

Nice one Jordin :thumbup: :lol:

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JTnTN
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Postby JTnTN » Thu Feb 03, 2005 3:29 pm

:D There's no I, in requre. :lol:

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justins bubbles
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Postby justins bubbles » Thu Feb 03, 2005 3:30 pm

<span style='color:blue'>It's that southern twang. :lol: </span>


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