Underneath It All

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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Tue Sep 20, 2005 8:32 am

OH GOD ... "Sparks." !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Faints* You don't know how much I adore that song. :wub: :wub: Good choice. :thumbup:

I loved how they had to stop Trace from dressing himself. That multi-colored look just wasn't going to cut it. :no: :no: :lol: And his speech was surprisingly good. :clap: Good for the little baby man. :P

What a nice idea to get them out of the house for a few days. That time alone should suit them well. Sex better be in there somewhere, Laura. Do it for your readers. LOL!

:hug: :kiss: :blowkiss:

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Postby laura » Wed Sep 28, 2005 9:01 am

<span style='color:hotpink'><span style='font-family:Times'> ;) I should get an update ready by next week at the LATEST! :pray: severe writers block with this at the moment! :shrug: </span></span>

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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Thu Sep 29, 2005 8:44 am

UNBLOCK! :lol:

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Postby laura » Thu Sep 29, 2005 9:13 am

i shall try! :lol:

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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Tue Oct 04, 2005 9:39 am

<_< Those damn paps had to show up. Well, Ava's not sweating it too much, and I like how she's trying to take away the stress from Justin. Marriage is a crazy thing, and takes a lot of work to keep it going, but they can do it. Ava's just too awesome ... she's a GREAT woman!

AJ's first Christmas is going to be bananas. :yay: :yay: I'm sure they're going to spoil her rotten with all the treats and presents. :wub: I'm thinking that I want to be adopted by Justin and Ava. :rofl:

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Postby laura » Thu Oct 20, 2005 8:44 am

<span style='font-family:Times'>i will update soon i promise...No really I WILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!:lol: </span>

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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Thu Oct 20, 2005 9:18 am

:yay: CAN'T WAIT!

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Postby laura » Mon Oct 24, 2005 8:34 am

<span style='color:dodgerblue'>catching up with what ive emailed Paige....slooooow arent i??? sorry..

I was married; I was a Mrs. Something I never imagined would actually happen for me. Well as you know my independence was always an issue.

And I always saw the women who married, had kids and gave up their
career as inadequate, submissive, weak even. But then again it was the
exact thing I had just done, and I was none of those things. I was still me.

But the only difference was – I was content I was happier now than ever.

And I had the best partner at my side.

Someone I knew loved me, even with all my insane ways. I knew no

matter what would happen to us in the future that I had made the best

And the weird thing was I knew he knew it too.

As Trace announced us for our first dance as husband and wife I swear I
almost lost it. Seeing how everyone was so happy for us made me realise
that it didn’t matter what sh** the press brought up we had the best kind of
support team behind us. Our family.

With the voice of Chris martin soothing over the microphone I couldn’t help
but smile for the millionth time that

As I listened to the voice of a man whose band and music we both loved I was swayed slowly back and forth held all in love by the one man I adored completely.

“What you thinkin’ about?â€￾ Justin whispered into my ear as our guests took
the floor with us.

“Us, everything we've been through since we met…everything there is to
come…â€￾ I sounded unsure, and I honestly wasn’t, the thoughts were
daunting I will admit that. But in a good way – this time I never I wouldn’t
be alone.

“Are you worried?â€￾

“Nope…not this time. We rock you know that…â€￾ I smiled again letting him
know I was fine. It seemed to satisfy him.

“Can I just say Mrs Timberlake…you look very, very beautiful today…â€￾

“Why thank you, I knew you’d like it…â€￾ that look he gave me then I knew
something else was on his mind.

“You did?â€￾

“Of course, I knew I wanted it to be modern but with some classical
elements to it, so that in 50, 60 years I won’t cringe when I look at this in
all those photos we had taken…â€￾

He smiled knowingly at that, “I know what you mean…one of the reasons I
made Trace wear white too, you know he wanted to wear his multicoloured
sh**…hell no!â€￾

“He didn’t?â€￾

“Ooh but he did! I swear if Elisha has a boy I pity him…he’ll be pimped
before he can walk!â€￾
For a few moments we just danced. I think it was necessary because with

all the excitement and all the adrenaline running through us I knew we
both needed it to just breathe and reflect.

With a break in the silence initiated by him he bend to my left ear and just

simply whispered an “I love youâ€￾ that was filled with so much emotion I

was afraid to look him in the eyes for the fear that if he was teary I
wouldn’t be far behind.

The song came to a close, and the “bestâ€￾ man came hollering over the PA

again, telling us that if we would raise our glasses, as soon as we hit out
seats again.

There we sat, side by side awaiting his torment! Knowing Trace for the short time that I had – compared to Justin at least I knew only too well
what happened when you put a mike in his hand.


I sat next to her as we both shot knowing glances at each other; trace was
up with meant it was either Paige or Elisha that was next.

“Ladies and gentlemen….and baby…â€￾ he nodded to Aj who sat next to us,
smiling with her bottle in her tiny grasp. The crowd went silent.

“I have known this man in front of y’all all my life, and he is my best friend.
Always has been. Now le’ me tell ya it hasn’t always been easy. Following

his ass all over the world…watching him to all the work – it was stressful.â€￾
We watched as our families all laughed together at his antics “but seeing
how he’s grown, as a person has been a pleasure. No more so than in the
last three years.

With this lady at his side I have seen the old Justin come back to us…in the
best way. Now I know y’all expected me to stand here and make dumb
jokes about his love life…and I could be- lieve me I could go there.

The truth is I don’t believe his “LOVEâ€￾ life truly began until he me met Ava.
Now it’s no secret that she and I didn’t get off to the best start.â€￾ Again
most giggled as did my wife. Lord only knows how long it took me to get
him to trust her…

“But, once I knew her I knew that she wasn’t the same as some that I
could mention right J?â€￾ the little sh** winked at me, causing the guests
to “Ohhâ€￾ in wonder…playfully I hoped.

“Right, right…â€￾ I tried to play off taking a large sip of the ever flowing
champagne that I held in my glass.

“Riiight!! So back to my point…I have known both these people and ive
seen then in the ups and downs in their relationship, ive seen them
separate and together and I think you’ll all agree that they do so much
better together. Because without one another they just don’t function. So

im so glad that he’s finally dragged her up that aisle!â€￾ he chuckled again “

so raise your glasses with me, in wishing my Brother and new sis…In LAW

all the luck and happiness in the world… Justin and Ava Timberlake…â€￾

That was it all it took to set Ava off. She was teary when we danced; I
think I set it off in the first place. What could I say I was emotional I had
just done the biggest thing in my life. And I was exhilarated. I was
somebody’s husband and not just any bodies my Ava was the one that
chose me, nothing took away the happiness of that feeling. Nothing in the

As the music started up again her maids came over. Wished us the

best again before dragging her away to dance to some upbeat Gwen

Number… watching her in that amazing dress, looking so elegant…holding
our baby and shaking her ass like a good thing, it was the funniest thing…
also something I wont forget. The look of pure happiness in her eyes. In
that smile that I knew id never tired of… and knowing that I somehow had
something to do with that, let me tell ya- it does great things for your heart
trust me on that.

After Trace was done making his speech, Joey and Chris where the next to
take his place. While all the guests and Ava and I paid full attention.

“Ladies and dudes…â€￾ Joey began “us two dorks really wont take up much
time hereâ€￾

“yeah we basically just wanted to tell you all, that no matter what has
been said what has been written little J here…â€￾ Chris began faking his
tears “means a whole lot to us, all of us. And even though due to issues
that some of us has had in the last few years with our pride and what
now – it was brainless and it made us all miss out on this huge part of his
life unfolding, for that I know we’re all sorry. And no it wont be happening

Joey took over from there “ yeah and basically we just wanted to say that
we’re sorry it took something as huge as this to get us all but one – back
in the same room again. I guess we have Ava to thank for that one eh?â€￾
the crowd raised their glasses. And we just wanted to say that all of us
and our families are more than looking forward to getting to know Justin
and his new family….and that’s it…so to Justin and Ava people come on!â€￾ he
raised his voice for the last bit ensuring everyone once again cheered. It

was nice that this, even though it was late…that we could finally start

building at our friendships again. I guess you could say it was a new

beginning for all involved.

Finally, don’t you think?


And as Trace took my hand and led me on to the dance floor in the middle of all the chairs I knew that I was about to start.

“So, since you’re my new almost sis- in law I figured now was as gooda
time as any to tell you that im sorry.â€￾ He shuffled.

“Sorry? For what trace?â€￾

“For the way I acted when you and J first got together. I never meant to be
that much of an ass to you. I was just being protective of him I guess. And
I suppose your wondering why im doing this now…I know it’s a little late.â€￾
“No, you know what they say better late than never…and you know you

don’t have to say it even now. I know now and I knew then that you where
that way because you cared about him and that you didn’t want to see him
hurt. Believe me it’s something I can relate to.â€￾

“I know…so where cool right? I mean Elisha adores you and I, well I like
you…â€￾ he blushed. “You’re good for him, and I meant all I said in that
speech too…â€￾

“I know that too!â€￾ I smiled “and hey I don’t know what Elisha’s talking
about…â€￾ I motioned to his feet, “you’re a great dancer…â€￾

Champagne was flowing; everyone was getting along- shocking I know!
Justin and I couldn’t believe it either. Everyone was dancing and enjoying
themselves. It surprised me to see my mom laugh the way she was, it had
been a long time since I saw her laugh full whole heartily and mean it. Well
I guess Joey had that effect on people.

To see my…husband, yes I was still getting used to it. To see him talking
with my dad, seeing them smile. It meant a lot. As I look around the
marquee full of people. Excellent music, good drinks, and what I was told
was amazing food on the way. I couldn’t help but take stock of my life. I had achieved so much in just almost 22 years. I had, had a career that I
loved, and then hated. I discovered that the one thing that I feared the
most – being a mother myself was the one thing that I knew I was great
at; the one thing that I think ultimately saved me from self destruction no
matter how badly I thought I was doing. When I fell pregnant it was as far
as I was concerned the worst thing…now? I curse myself for even thinking that way. She was our little angel. She made us a million times more bonded; I knew I couldn’t live without her.

Then there was him, the one man that had the power to infuriate me more than anyone on the planet, but how also could make my heart flutter and melt with just one look. I think that that is what is meant by the “Oneâ€￾ the
one person that you love, but who challenges you. Annoys and maddens
you…seduces and adores you…all things to you in that one person. Justin
was that “oneâ€￾ for me. No question. Not any more. I was done questioning
my life. I was going to for the first time, start living- really living.

I saw her father, his wife her mom…all of them and mine. Together happy
and smiling. I will agree it was extremely out of character. For her mother

more than most. I don’t really know what happened with her and Ava but

whatever it was it seemed to put them all at ease. Thankfully now she
seemed to trust me.

Well it only took her three damn years, finally a’int the word. I was
snapped out of my daze by the sound of Paige on the microphone.

“Um…hello! People hi!â€￾ she announced in her typical manner as she tapped her microphone. I remembered I still had a bone, or non- bone to pick with her, but for now I listened.

“People… since we’ve been enjoying ourselves and each other for a while
now…and after that wonder meal we just had…Mrs Alayla and I have a little
surprise for the bride and groom.

Please not another stripper….

“So if you would gather ‘round…â€￾ I saw Ava approach me, and then I saw
everyone fall in line.

“Paige, whats going on?â€￾ I heard her say as she joined her hand in mine.

“Well. Mrs Timberlake funny you should ask…â€￾ when she knew she was
certain she had everyone’s attention she continued “see we were thinking,
and thinking that since you sprung this on us last minute, we had little
time. So…basically we hate the idea that you both gotta spend your first
night together as husband and wife under the same roof as all of us….â€￾
She laughed and added in a whisper “not to mention your parents, what a
mood killer right?â€￾ of course everyone including us laughed.

“So, we decided that. Since its Christmas in like four days y’all could take a
mini pre honeymoon honey moon.â€￾

Yup we where confused?


“See. Oh come with us will you?â€￾ she motioned to out side the marquee

where everyone went.

To the dock to be precise where we saw it, a yacht?

“Thisâ€￾ Elisha began “is for you both…for the next four days. You can do
what you like with it…just don’t sink it cause that would suck not to
mention be really expensive….â€￾

“I don’t understand?â€￾ Ava voiced for me. “Wh-â€￾

“Four days starting from tonight…well now actually. Y’all can go…sail the
islands for the next few days. All here is taken care of. Because when you
get back its Christmas Eve. And since tiny is coming with all the gifts the
day before….he’s like our big black Santa…less jolly though. Point is…

We both knew by the looks on our faces that neither of us knew what the
hell was going on, but I had admitted the idea of spending my first night as
a married woman in the room next to my mother freaked me out just a little

But this was still so much unexpected.


"I swear I had nothing to do with this...wish I had!" he smiled as he took
my hand in his. but since I had my dress on but no shoes still I wasn’t
exactly loving the idea of the dirty dock, so he did what all newly weds do
with everyone watching, he hoisted me up in his arms "threshold style" and carried me onboard.

When we got on, we both just stood in awe of what our friends had done
for us, the yacht was decorated in the most romantic accessories that id
ever seen, the rooms where spacious and cozy all at once. There was
candles lit everywhere, soft music playing in the background, and a big king
sized bed right next to what I was to find out later was a fully stocked
fridge of champagne and caloric foods, hey what else could newly weds
want right?


“You guys!â€￾ I heard her call out to everyone. “I can’t believe you did this…
we can’t leave…what about Christmas you cant do it alone…â€￾ she referred
to Elisha.

“Go, girl its only a few days, them y’all can come back and celebrate with
us, then we all go back to LA and party like its 2007â€￾

Ava looked at me, smiled allowed me to start the engine of our floating love

We agreed that we’d sail out into the water, far enough so no on knew
where we were, but close enough so that if something had gone wrong it
wouldn’t be a crisis.

“Baby can you believe they did this…â€￾ she asked wrapping her arms around
my waist standing behind me as I halted the yacht to a stand still.

“Yes, I knew Trace was too quiet this morning!â€￾

“I didn’t even know you could do this with out a sailing licence? But hey im

not complaining I think it’s a wonderful idea…â€￾

“Me too, the idea of our wedding night being held between both our
mothers rooms, well it would certainly put a damper on things now wouldn’t it?â€￾

“Ya-ha…â€￾ she laughed.

It was shortly after two am when the boat finally stopped. We had halted
in the middle of the two islands; we agreed that if we wanted the next day
all we would do would be just us, being alone.

And considering that it was what we both wanted I guess no one was
gonna say no.

“Baby, I am so tired…â€￾ I heard him call from the bedroom section of the
boat… “I mean I never knew weddings where so damn hectic…â€￾

What was I doing you ask? Well after I forced us both to shower
separately I was changing into the silly lingerie I was made get…not that I
was against it…but I agreed with my husband, I was bloody knackered.

But when I walked from the small cabin bathroom to the large bedroom I found him fiddling with the remote and searching for something to watch,

that was until he spotted me. And the expression on his face was priceless.

“Girl where did you get that…â€￾

“why? Don’t you like it?â€￾ I giggled, as he sat up on his knees, showing me
that all he had on was his crisp white brand name boxers and the fact that
we had both worked on our tans showed me the rest of him that you
know, none of was anywhere near bad.

“Well that’s just a dumb question…you look amazing, really…â€￾

“I know...â€￾ I laughed walking over to him…letting him take my hair down
from the clip that was holding it in place. Then letting his lips softly touch

“Are you still tired…?â€￾ I asked between kisses.

“No, you?â€￾

“Um…â€￾ I was, but how did I tell him that I just didn’t feel like sex – on our
wedding night! Already I felt like a bad wife.

“Ava?â€￾ he looked at me, wearing that adorable crooked grin while he
balanced his chin on my chest.

“I am a little…and I know that it’s traditional that we… you know, now but I just don’t know if I have the energy to do it right…you know the way it
should be.â€￾

“So, you’re saying not right – not at all?â€￾ he smiled.

“Im a bad wife aren’t I?â€￾ I felt like I was.

Although it did cause him to laugh.

“What?â€￾ I asked.

“Nothin’ its just, girl you are so catholic it doesn’t make you bad if you don’t
want to have sex, we’ve had a stressful day…for the most part…and we
don’t NEED to if you don’t want to…â€￾

“but I WANT to I just physically don’t think…â€￾

“Babe…me neither…â€￾ he laughed…taking my hand and leading me into
what looked like mighty comfortable Egyptian cotton sheets…

Where we laid just talking.

“Im so glad we did this now, here…Ava it was the greatest idea. I can’t
believe we made it through the whole day with no press…anywhere! I think
that topped it for me…â€￾ his expressions where animated, it obviously was
something that he was happy about.

“Me too, I guess we win this one for a change…but you know it will get out
sooner or later, what we did- what we are now…are you worried?â€￾


“The reaction, to the wedding to us as a married couple…how the fans will
take it? That sorta thing?â€￾

“Uh, I haven’t really thought about it…â€￾ I knew he had.


“Ok so I have, but hey if they don’t like it then they don’t, there isn’t
anything either of us can do…and it’s not something I wanna discuss now
ok sweetie. We have all the time in the world to worry about that sh**…â€￾

Ok so he was right but it was something that was weighing on my mind. I
knew most of his fans liked me; well anyone was better than the Diaz
right? And I think that they saw how happy we where so they “got itâ€￾ but
that was one thing when we where just dating. And even though all we
got were good vibes once AJ was born I was still a little scared of some of them.

“Ok, dude just take a second and think – we are MARRIED!â€￾ I started to laugh making him laugh too.

“I know its crazy isn’t it. But in the best kind of way rightâ€￾


For the next hour all we did was talk, and kiss…make out and talk… you know how non-sexual wedding nights goes. And I had to admit, even
without all the mind blowing sex that we didn’t have, but that we HAD to
tell Trace we did – I still never felt so close to him.

It was amazing.


That morning the first of our married life together I woke up before her, she
was still in my arms, sleeping soundly. I decided to do something for her.
So I did what I never usually could do. I cooked. It wasn’t anything
extravagant just eggs, but I hoped she’d like it.

It was a beautiful sunny morning, of course it was seldom anything else in
Hawaii but it was still breath taking no matter how many times I had seen
the views.

There wasn’t a person to be seen for miles. No other boats no
photographers nothing. I still felt like I had somehow escaped the madness
that was my life, it wasn’t something I ever considered when I knew I
wanted to sing- as a kid all I saw was the dream, not the nightmare of
living in a bubble that other people controlled, if they wanted me to pop I
wont, after all they built me up and they sure as hell could tear me down
just as easy. With this section of my life going well, I knew somewhere that
it was my luck that some other part had to suffer, it was karma I guess.

And I was just waiting for it to catch up on me


For two days straight we never left the yacht, we just stayed in. Occasionally taking a break from being “busyâ€￾ to sun soak. With our first night of marrige a little less than im sure he imagined we certainly made up for it, I honestly dont think I fully got dressed in actual clothes - other than bikini for those two days.

On the start of the second day we spotted the first of what was to become three boats carrying pap’s, they never came too close since the coast guard was on our side and made sure of it. But it did burst the little happiness bubble we were in, I mean all we did for two solid days was be

us, together and happy….and you know a LOT of sex – well we were newly
weds what else did you expect, seriously?.

We ignored them as best we could, but we where also sure that the word
had gotten out somehow. Well call us paranoid but with the way they
seemed hell bent on getting snaps it had to be “somethingâ€￾ they where
after. I knew it bothered him, it was the last thing that either of us needed
but I was determined not to let it ruin our time alone. After all on the third
day, the next day being Christmas Eve we only had one more night

“Let’s go out tonight?â€￾ I suggested as he came strolling out of the shower,
towel wrapped tightly in place.

“You sure? I mean…â€￾ he stalled I knew why.

“I’m sure I want a meal neither of us has cooked! So I was thinking a little
dinner, and maybe a club? Or something- anything…â€￾

He smiled, “tired of me already huh? I knew it would wear off eventually,
but so soon! Damn girl!â€￾

“Ha -ha, that’s not it and you know it! Come on, if we wait for a while
maybe they’ll go…and if they don’t screw em’ right?â€￾ I used my puppy eyes
to the limit, in the hopes he'd give in.

“I know, I just really didn’t want them to be here, I swore everyone to
secrecy I don’t get how it could have gotten out…â€￾

“Well, where else do we go really if you think about itâ€￾ I laughed “ if we
a’int in LA or Memphis we’re here, its not rocket science hun?â€￾

He just rolled his eyes at me smirking then adding “we really need to find a
new vacation spot then! Maybe somewhere outside the US and here.â€￾

“Well I hear there are other places; earth is a pretty big place- im sure we'll
find somewhere!â€￾


So we went out, I think it was cabin fever – no pun intended that was
getting to us, its not that we did enjoy being alone together since it didn’t
happen all that much since AJ came along, again not something Im
complaining about it was just something I wish we had more of, time that
is. But then again we did have forever so, what was I saying.

We did a lot of shopping, last minute gifts that kind of thing not that we
didn’t have enough Ava was very on top of things when it came to
Christmas. And gifts being the best thing about it in my opinion I think we
out did ourselves with the sh** we knew was on its way with our black

After shopping we did dinner, we found this lovely little ethnic place just off
the shore, they had the best crab ever. And I loved that they just didn’t
give a sh** one way or the other about whom or what other people thought
we were. It was a nice change, no needless to say we tipped big.


As we strolled hand in hand along the boardwalk that held various trinket
shops, cafes, and tattoo parlours we found ourselves eyeing several clubs
all of which where packed.

“You really wanna go in there?â€￾ He asked me with a slight whine that I
knew meant he didn’t.

“Well I think it would be good to talk to other people, drink a little and
dance – it’ll be fun?â€￾ I tried to sound enthusiastic but I think I failed.

“Orâ€￾ he sounded out “we could go back to the boat and just hang out…we
can get totally pissed if that’s what you want, there is enough alcohol on
that boat to sink it!â€￾

Something was off with him, I knew it by the way he carried himself the
way he stood down to the way he talked.

“Justin what is wrong, you’ve been acting weird all day- tell me.â€￾

He shuffled, he sighed- he was stalling “well?â€￾

“if we go in there people will wanna talk to us, ask us questions…â€￾

“Well, yes j its called human interaction its quite common? Whats the

“They’re gonna ask about this…â€￾ he held up his ring finger on his left hand
that held his new wedding ring.


“So, then we really have to tell them…then everyone will know and they’ll

be no going back…â€￾ he didn’t sound unsure but he did sound scared.

“Is that a bad thing? That once people know it'll make it official is that what
you’re saying?â€￾

“I don’t know…â€￾ he answered me quietly “maybe…â€￾


“Look don’t get upset please, its not that I don’t want people to know
cause I do, but I don’t you know?â€￾

No I didn’t know, I didn’t know at all. So there I stood hands on hips letting him know that I didn’t.

“I want them to know because I am so happy about this and us and
everything that we stand for now. But on the other hand I don’t because
then I know that your life is gonna change, forever this time. They won’t

just be after me, they’ll be after you too and that is the last thing I want, is
to see them hurt you…â€￾

“J…come on. Ive been with you for three years now, I know how this world
works for you.â€￾

The sad look came back into his baby blues.

“I know, I just realised that the option that I never had, that you had…to
walk away its not there any more…â€￾

“And that’s a bad thing? Baby I knew what I was getting myself into when I
agreed to marry you, when we had AJ I knew all of this…but honey I know
that the good here out weights the bad, 100 per cent. And I need you to
know that too!â€￾

He smiled at my reassurance, thankfully. I knew he was strong most of the
time but there where times when I wondered just how much of it was an
act. How much of him was really there you know? In times like these when
he actually allowed me to be there for him, to be the rock the crutch what
ever you want to call it. It was these moments where I saw the man I
loved, because I knew he was never this guard free with anyone else.


I felt like such a b****, I was weak when it came to her and even worse
when it came to expressing my concern for her. I mean I could do it – tell
her I loved her, show her even and that was something I thought I was ok at you know? But when it came to actual concern for her life her privacy her
dignity my mouth came all over with a case of serious DUMBASS. It’s like I
know what I want to say and its there right there in my head but making it come out the right way- well it never happens.

She was someone that led me; in the right direction the one I knew I
should be in. Unlike all the YES people I knew I had around me in my
career -I knew she was authentic.

Something I knew it took Trace a long time to accept too. But now I knew
all of that was different.

It was going to be difficult, when the press got complete word on what we
did, she was right it was a big deal. For them it was just another excuse to
hound us but for us it was going to be different.

I was married, that severely altered my status to the rest of the world. Not
that I really cared. But it was still daunting to think about, especially with a
tour in the works… I had to wonder at least, just how I would be received
now. And its not that I didn’t think she would understand it, it was just
something I wasn’t sure I understood.


He was quiet for most of the walk back to the dock see the worst thing
about him was, he kept way to much bottled up inside. He felt like he had
to be the one to take on the world. In a way I admired it in him; most men
just like to unload their problems on the world. Not him.

More often than not he figured out a way to “fixâ€￾ things in his own way and
in his own time. And over the last three years I knew when I was time to
butt in and when it was time to run for the hills.

I knew he was stressing about work, it wasn’t uncommon for us both to
inner-stress for a lifetime before we even approached the subject with
anyone else.

So I did want I knew he wanted, I left it alone.


“Yeah…â€￾ I spoke up as we laid on the bed just listening to cds and the

“Im sorry…â€￾

“For what?

“holding back on you, on us…I know I have to stop doing that, I just don’t
really know how…its just this whole marriage thing its gonna take some
adjusting to, I mean it was one thing when we were a couple but not
attached legally, or morally…now…â€￾

He was rambling I knew that, but I also knew exactly where he was coming
from. I saw the frustration in his eyes,

“I get it you know? Its ok to be nervous, J it took me over a year and a
break up to get used to the idea of being a wife, I know its not the easiest
thing to get used to, being a part of something so solid that is the height of being an adult…But its done. We’re here and we have to get used to it.
We’re not kids anymoreâ€￾ I said with a smile hoping he wouldn’t take what I
was saying in a serious way, I needed to pep talk him just not lecture him.

“I know that.â€￾ he answered slinging his arm over my shoulders pulling me

into him closer than I had been. “I know that I love you and that I am so happy that we did it that we’re married…and your right I just have to focus
on that for now, everything else will work itself out…â€￾

“That’s rightâ€￾ I held up his wedding finger, the ring and I quoted the
inscription “No more what ifs…â€￾ it caused him to laugh thankfully.

“Thank you Dr Phil…â€￾


That night after much discussion as to what we where going to do after we

got home to LA, we decided that if it hadn’t leaked which was unlikely my
guess was by boxing day we’d be surrounded. But if it hadn’t broke in the
way we wanted, a press release would be drafted, mainly to the tabloids,
other than that we knew we didn’t need much else. Since news traveled
like wildfire anyway in this industry we figured one release was all was

After that it would be official, official. Daunting thought.

Our final night of our mini honeymoon break was spent after my little hissy
fit just us being us…messing around stupid sh** like that. It was the little
things that we did. Like walked for ages without HAVING to say anything –
comfortable silence is what I loved with her. Then it would sporadically be
interrupted with us laughing at nothing in particular.

“Im sorry for putting such a sh**ty attitude on this baby…â€￾ I finally said as
we reached the boat after our good hour long walk along the shore.

“Don’t be, its natural to be freaked. Trust me on freaking out – I am the
queen! So don’t sweat it K?â€￾

“How are you so calm?â€￾ I had to ask, somehow the tables had turned.
She had all of a sudden become the strong level headed one, and I was
the one being well…a flake. Except when she did it, it was cute. With me it
was just pathetic.

“I am a mom, it levels you out. I mean im not saying it’s not the same for
you…but when you see something that you grew and birthed smile at you
and light up when they see you and you see just how important you are to
them. It makes all the media sh** just seem so inconsequential.â€￾

Wow, that was deep – and for Ava it was an ocean’s worth.

“My god, when did you get so damn cool!â€￾

She rolled her eyes, playfully. “When I was born pretty much…but more so
when you and I joined forces!â€￾ she smiled.

The day we where due to return home so to speak was one that started
relatively awesome. Well I was woken by the hand of my wife making their
way to regions of my body that had been rather neglected of late.

“Morning husband…â€￾ she smiled seeing my weakened eyes pop open.

“G’morning wife…whats…â€￾ I was halted by her hands.

“Well I figured we’d make the most of today since we gotta be home for
dinner tonight…â€￾

“Interesting…â€￾ I admitted. I let her kiss me...

“I thought so…â€￾ and with that we skipped breakfast and decided to enjoy
each other instead – best form of breakfast ever if you ask me.


After our late lie in his mood was like a million times better than the
previous night. And for thank I was grateful. We had Christmas to deal
with, it was our daughters first Christmas and we knew from the beginning
of December that we wanted it to be special. Sure we knew she didn’t have
a clue what was going on. But she knew her colours and she knew toys
that she liked. At almost seven months she was a smart little cookie. Well
she was my daughter after all…

At that point the paparazzi where trailing us like white on rice. I was sure
word had gotten out that we were married.

But I ignored it, as the mood with us both was light and breezy.

“I miss AJ.â€￾ He said.

“I know its weird it’s only been a few days and its been killing me…â€￾

He nodded as we strolled past the shops “I know, I think that if we do
a “honeymoonâ€￾ we gotta take her…it’s too long being gone like this.â€￾


“Yeah, I think that from now on I gotta take more responsibility for her…â€￾

I didn’t know what he was talking about, “J you do! What do you mean?â€￾

“I mean maybe this tour thing wasn’t such a good idea…â€￾

“Ok we’ve been in the sun too long, its your first album in almost three
years you have to tour it, you owe it that much! It’s important that you do it…â€￾

“Ok but isn’t it also important that I be with you and our daughter?â€￾ He argued again.

“Of course, but come on! I am unemployed you NEED to keep your job!â€￾ I
laughed as he did, “and if you’re worried about being gone. Don’t we’re

gonna be right there with you…â€￾
He stopped walking and looked at me. “HUH?â€￾

“Yeah…what you didn’t think I was going to let you do a freaking world

tour and miss out on the entire madness of it all now do you?â€￾ As I said it his smile cracked open and it started at one end and ended on the other

side of his face. It was adorable.

“Really?â€￾ his tone was high pitched, like it always was when he got excited.

“Reallyâ€￾ I concurred. “Now can we go home I miss my baby…â€￾ he nodded in agreement as we hopped in the rental car that thankfully would take us
home to our daughter. Where I hoped what ever doubts he was having

would dissipate. I only hoped.

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Postby laura » Mon Oct 24, 2005 8:43 am

<span style='font-family:Times'> <_< okay this sucks, i suck this week...Ive had no inspriation WHATSOEVER...forgive me, and i pray to whoever listens that i pick up sooooon!

:unsure: As we pulled up the long drive way we noticed the car that no doubt had held both Eric and Tiny. The men who protected and kept us all sane amongst the madness that was this life. They had been asked to the wedding of course but had other commitments until that day, and after they delivered they were straight home to see their families – and rightly so too

“Hello? Everyone we’re home!â€￾ I announced as Justin put our bags down.

With that the sounds from around the house that was now decorated with

all kinds of our Christmas decorations from LA. There were two trees in the

large entrance hall glistening with neutral twinkle lights. The living area
also contained a Christmas tree with dozens of gifts that we had previously
wrapped and brought along underneath.

It was all incredibly magical looking.

“Where is everyone?â€￾ Justin announced as we both made our way to the
sitting room.

At that we saw her, little Aj sitting on her highchair her face covered in
orange bits from her dish of pieces, as we rounded the door we saw her
with both her grandma’s and her new granddad sitting with her.

“Ooh your home, we didn’t hear you come in! How was the little break?â€￾ his
mum came and hugged us both.

“Good, great actually…â€￾

“well, that’s great you needed a few days alone. I hope you don’t mind

but Linda, Lucia and I decided to decorate…â€￾ she motioned to the room
around her.

“we seeâ€￾ I said taking a beaming Aj from her high chair and cuddling her

like I needed for the last four days, then Justin came and did the same.
That baby is like our fresh air. “It’s gorgeous…really very well done…did the gifts get here ok?â€￾

“Yeah tiny came alone, Eric’s wife went into labour…but yes they are all
here. Ours, Trace and Elisha’s Paige and johns…all safeâ€￾
I knew my mother step mother and dad had brought a few things for the

baby. We told everyone that we didn’t need anything and to not bother,
though due to the bulk of gifts in the living room I wasn’t so sure that they


“Yes, so how was the boating…its still floating right?â€￾ She smirked.

“Yes mother!â€￾ I added at her sceptical questioning “it’s tied up nice and
secure with guards like all the other boats near the docks. It was
wonderful. I still can’t believe that they did that for usâ€￾

All nodded in agreement.

"Where are they all anyway?"

"Oh, they went out" Lynn inserted "Some new club I think...Elisha poor
thing is the driver..."

I groaned at that, "Yeah I remember those days...HELL!" Justin just
smirked knowing what I was talking about - the hell that was being sober
surrounded by dumb drunk people.

“So Ava, what are the plans after Christmas?â€￾ my father began “LA?â€￾

“Pretty much we gotta move into the new house, get settled and then
after than I think it’s touring right J?â€￾ He nodded before he answered
taking a large bite our of the roast sandwich Lynn had set us both down.

“In April if all goes well, then it last till end of July I think…â€￾

“Isn’t that a little demanding on a newly wed couple?â€￾ my mom started.

“Not really, I mean I want to go with him and since im done with my job…Iâ€￾

“What?â€￾ I knew by the look on my mothers face that it wasn’t exactly the
best time to mention that – since I had avoided telling her that I quit.

“Well, I um…â€￾

“Ava…you didn’t quit your job? Tell me you didn’t!â€￾

Everyone looked at me…

“I did…I had to…Cause if I hadn’t I swear I would have killed one of those lil

“That’s no excuse! I thought it was something you liked doing….and you
worked so hard…â€￾

“Linda lay off her ok? Im sure she knows whats she's doing…â€￾ My father
butted in, and with the stare of evil he received back I knew that wasn’t
the best thing to do.

“Oh do you now? And how exactly would you know that? You know nothing about her, you haven’t for many years so don’t come on here now and…â€￾

“And what? Defend her .And her right to be an adult and actually trust in
her own instincts?â€￾

And so began the row that I was waiting for, I knew the whole peace and
love thing wouldn’t last long.

“Mother, daddy…come on…â€￾ I tried to interrupt but with no luck. Instead
Lynn J myself Lucia and AJ just left the room and them to go at each others

“What is up with them?â€￾ Justin asked.

“No clue, I guess that it’s been building…â€￾ I mused “I don’t know…â€￾

“You ok?â€￾ I saw Justin ask from behind me.

“Im fine, I think ive been used to it…but eh…lets just let them yell.â€￾

“It doesn’t bother you…â€￾

“Nope…â€￾ it didn’t. “Im gonna go get AJ ready for bed…its late.â€￾

It was only 9:30 but I was tired and I just wanted to be near my baby. I
wanted to leave the sound of the screaming where it should have stayed,
in my nine year old psyche.


I saw her climb the stairs; she looked so deflated Compared to the few
days that we had just experienced. I knew the stress on her with her
parents and her dad’s new wife and her mother being all under the one
roof – trying to be civil but everyone knowing that it wouldn’t last. Our few
days away showed that when she was with them all just how different she

Submissive almost.

She seemed to revert to the shy weak girl I think
she was when she was under the control of her parents. I didn’t like that

side to her, mainly because I knew it wasn’t her. She was bubbly, out
going – when forced and she wasn’t happy when she was like the way
they made her.

“Yeah…shhh...She’s almost asleep!â€￾ she whispered as I entered the dimly

lit room where the sounds of “over the rainbowâ€￾ played on a chime toy
beside the crib.

“Are you okay?â€￾ she didn’t look at me.

“I am…for now. I think we have so much to do for tomorrow. I mean its her
first. And even though she won’t remember it…I want to…â€￾

“I get that…I think we have fresh tapes for the video camera ill make sure
we’re all set – just like I was for her first bath and all of the other silly

things we have as evidence to embarrass her in a few years…â€￾

“Good! That’ll be fun when she's like 18 and dating…I think we should make
it standard if someone wants to date her, we have to make them watch

this stuff first.â€￾

“Why?â€￾ I laughed at her rambling.

“Well that way no one will wanna date her and she’ll be safe!â€￾

“Really?â€￾ I mused “I just figured we’d stick a chastity belt on her at fifteen…â€￾

“Why fifteen?â€￾ She smiled.

“be-cause woman I remember what I was doin’ at fifteen, she a’int doin’
that!â€￾ My facial gestures at that point caused her to giggle, well it just
showed how serious I was...

She stayed silent for a moment longer, and then she tried to change the
“Dinner for tomorrow. I arranged the caterers that did the wedding. So

everything’s taken care off, just so I think we should let your mom know…"
I had to stop her...

"Are you plannin’ on hiding up here all night?â€￾

At that she snapped her head at me. “What?â€￾

“Av’ it is ok if you’re upset about the rows you know? It’s normal.â€￾

“No it isn’t…because they shouldn’t even be here. Not like this. Look he left
a long time ago. His opinion didn’t matter to me – for most of my life it
didn’t. But now…it does and that’s what angers my mother…I know it. And
that’s why she's jealous!â€￾

“Im sorry honey…â€￾ I tried to let her know I was.

“It’s not your fault. Its mine, thinking I could do this – all of this with them
both here. I thought at the very least they could be civil…guess not.â€￾

“Ill talk to them if you want?â€￾

“I don’t… its fine. I mean they leave for home again on the 27th so really its
not a problem…ill deal until then…let’s just stay up here a little while longer

“Ok…â€￾ I laid down on the bed next to her. Just being there. And in all
honesty I think it helped her.

“You know, I think this was a bad Idea?â€￾

“The wedding?â€￾

“Noâ€￾ She smirked “this- everyone here at the one time. I mean we where
basically asking for trouble with them all under one roof…â€￾

“Na. it’ll pass you know that. Its Christmas – it’s the one holiday where the
parents have the right t b****…just thinkâ€￾ I said in a playful tone, hoping
that id cheer her up “that’ll be us one day years from now…â€￾

“Ugh god I hope not…â€￾

“well, maybe less with the anger and hostility and more with that insane banter that I love so much…â€￾

She just rolled her eyes and rolled into me, welcoming my hug.

“Hey you know if you want we could just escape to the boat again…â€￾

“No, no…â€￾ she sighed. “Ill deal.â€￾ I saw her check on the baby again how at
this stage was letting her dummy soothe her to sleep.

It was one thing I knew we had in common, me and my baby – we loved our sleep.

She wasn’t a fussy child; she was only when she was sick which was rare
these days thank god. Most of the time she was good at gold. And learning
things quickly. I knew it wouldn’t be long until she was attempting to
crawl...I couldn’t wait until she started to show signs of a little personality I
knew she'd have so much character in her, and I wondered who she took

“She’s fine you know…â€￾

“I know…I just worry that’s all.â€￾

“Well it is our job to do that you know? Can you imagine when we have

“More?â€￾ she raised her eyebrow and smiled.

“Yeah, four five more…â€￾ I joked.

“Really? You wanna tell me when these “moreâ€￾ children might come into

“Eh…as soon as really.â€￾

“Really?â€￾ she scoffed at me as I just looked up at her when she messed
with my hair.

“Ahuh…I think we should at least two more maybe. A boy and another girl.
What do you think?â€￾

“I think things don’t really work that way, I think we get what we’re given.â€￾

“True…but what names do you think these sweet babies should have…â€￾ I
was struggling to keep her in conversation.

“Um…for a girl I like Aisling, it’s Irish for dreamer…â€￾

“That’s sweet I like it…for a boy?â€￾

“How about…wait don’t you have any names in mind?â€￾

“Well yeah but I wanna know yours.â€￾ She just smiled again.

“A boy…humm…â€￾ she thought. “ I like the name Lucas for a boy and I like
Charlie though it does seem better for a dog so maybe not.â€￾

“Ok no dog names…how bout Michael or Joshua? Both nice strong names?
Oh and for another girl I love the idea of Georgiaâ€￾

She just nodded. "Like the Ray Charles song?"

"Yeah, I love that song..."

“Feel better now?â€￾ she said.

“Huh?â€￾ I added.

“Your attempt to distract my attention…it worked I feel betterâ€￾

I grinned sheepishly knowing I wasn’t as smooth as I thought.

“Well…it did work so that’s the main thing…â€￾ with that she hugged me. I in
turned swept her into a bigger hug that led us falling on the bed again.

“Your mom fed her banana, that’s never nice to see in reverse…I think we
should warn her next time please…â€￾ I laughed at her response to my kiss.

“Woman, what a way to ruin the mood…baby poop talk – a’int sexy, just for
the record.â€￾

She smiled, thank god she smiled. “I know, sorry…â€￾
“Hey…â€￾ I made her open her eyes again.

“I love you…â€￾ she smiled at me as I said it.

“I know you do honey, and you know…I kinda love you too.â€￾

“So. What do you say to you me and AJ just hanging in here for a while…let
the grown ups argue their way into an early grave…â€￾

“Yeah…lets…â€￾ she kissed me. It was one of those kisses that made me tingle and I was pretty sure by her vocal response she liked too.

She didn’t stop. And call me crazy but I felt as if she was I think she was
still upset about everything. But as usual I wasn’t exactly thinking with the
brain inside my head… and I let her carry on. I was going to be a good
husband – if she wanted to take her frustrations out on me then that was
fine. Not at all selfish, right?

Okay, fine I get it im a bad person here. So as she continued to kiss me
and touch me I couldn’t get the idea of her being mad out of my head.


“Humm…â€￾ she didn’t look up. And yes I let her carry on a little longer…

“I think we need to…â€￾ I was stalled again, “I um…seriouslyâ€￾

Still she took over and didn’t let me get a word in. so off went my t-shirt
and my shorts as did her dress till all we were sat in were our underwear.

“You locked the door right?â€￾ she said breathlessly

“I did but…â€￾

“But nothing ok…dude you know what we’re doing right? Shhh or you’ll wake the baby.â€￾ Still I tried, legitimately this time to make what we were
doing somehow stop. But then again my instincts took over and I did what
came natural. And yes I made love to my wife.

Don’t hate me, id deal with the issues…just after, that’s all….

I think it was sometime after four AM when I woke up, and I did what I
always did when I woke up in the middle of the night I reached out for her…
except she wasn’t there. The bed was empty.

I looked into the pink crib, and AJ was gone too. Then I fully woke up and
realised that the door of the room was ajar and the light led to the landing
and then downstairs.
She was up.

So I threw on some old shorts and didn’t even bother with a t-shirt and I

made my way down.

I heard her tinkering around before I even got there. She was mixing
formula for the baby.

“Hey…â€￾ I said softly as I rounded the corner to see Aj wide awake in her
momma’s arms.

“She was awake so I thought I may as well get up, I couldn’t sleep
anyway…did we wake you?â€￾

“Are you kiddin’ this house is so big a bulldozer would have trouble waking’
me…but I just felt that you were gone…why couldn’t you sleep?â€￾

She tested the milk on her arm before giving to the baby. “I don’t know I
just couldn’t I guess and she was awake and I think she needed this. You
should go back to bed…â€￾

Was she kidding?

“No, its fine I don’t wanna leave you down here on your own…here let me
do thatâ€￾ I motioned to take the baby from her which she accepted and

handed her over, as AJ chortled in my embrace.

“Thanks…she's getting heavy you know? Thank god in a way, after how
small she was as a newborn, who knew she’d be this strong at almost
seven months…â€￾

“We did girl…she's ours a’int she!â€￾ he smiled.

“Yeah…so for tomorrow…today whatever I was thinking if we set dinner up
in the dining room that we could just use in here and the sitting room for
later on. I mean in here is large enough but id like to use the dining room
since we haven’t yet…and then…â€￾

I had to stall the rambling. It’s what she did when she was nervous. “Ava…â€￾


“Shhh…your freaking out there is NO need to! So come on sit down.â€￾ I
motioned to the chair next to mine. I looked down on our daughter again, her big green eyes and long eyelashes where closing and opening slowly-

the way they always went when she was sleepy. Her tiny locks of blonde
curly hair where getting longer, I knew she’d need her hair cut but I hated
the thought…she looked too adorable to even tamper with it.

I saw Ava stress, she messed with her hair when she was stressed and
right then she was curling the crap out of it with her index finger.

“I know im acting mad its just…I thought they were getting along now you
know…I thought my mother was fine…she's so not! Which yeah ok is
stressing me a little? I want tomorrow to be perfect. I mean it’s our first

being married, its Jades first…I don’t wanna screw it up you know?â€￾

“You want it to be special?â€￾ she nodded.

“Well it will be im here with you and her…â€￾ I kissed my baby’s head “and
the rest – doesn’t matter now. Sure its nice that all our close friends and
some family are here too but we…us is the only family I care about. If
you’re not happy then I have to fix it…â€￾ I laughed “otherwise you’ll drive us
ALL insane from lack of sleep!

So yeah we climbed the stairs together, our daughter in my arms

somewhere were I hoped my wife would be soon – hopefully fast asleep.


I woke up a few hours later; it must have just gone 8:30. The light was bright already, shining and burning my tired eyes like wax on heat. I knew I had to get up.

Glancing to my left, I saw she was out cold. Curled up on her side facing
me, her hands under the pillow, and her hair all in her face. It looked
adorable. I decided not to wake her. Instead I went down stairs. Most
everyone was still in bed. No doubt the party people would be in there for
a while. But the two people that were up, was her mum and dad.

So call me crazy – which most people do or call me over protective but I felt
that right then was the perfect time to deal with them, and all the bickering
that they had done. It wasn’t right. It was annoying my wife and I wasn’t
about to let it destroy our daughter first Christmas.

“Hey could I maybe talk with you both for a sec?â€￾ I began when her mother
handed me some coffee.

“Of course…is something wrong?â€￾ her father inserted.

“Yeah actually there is. Is y’all…the hostility and the rows…Ava’s been
waiting on this and I assured her that this wouldn’t happen. But it did last
night…â€￾ I took a deep breath since y’all know how much her mother

intimidated me, god forbid I cross her dad.

“And it really upset Ava, weather or not she admits it. And im sorry but I
can’t allow that to happen right now…not now not here and not during our
baby’s first Christmas….so heres the thing….you both I know have history
but just for today could we please, pleaseâ€￾ I stressed “let it go….â€￾

They both stared at me almost dumbfounded.

“Im saying I want everyone to get along…if not for the sake of your
daughter, then for mine. Agreed?

Her father was the first to agree. “Ill hold my piece…Linda?â€￾

“Yes, yes fine…no arguments…the caterers are here in a little minute so lets
just….i need to get dressed…so…â€￾ she motioned with her hands in the air,
and she took a deep breath. And then took off for the stairs.

“She means well…she always did.â€￾ her father began. “I just know that she
doesn’t really know how to show her concern…no one ever said she or I
were perfect son…â€￾

“Who is…all I want is for Ava to be happy and this – doesn’t make her
happy. It makes no one happy…you know?â€￾ he nodded.

“I do, and ill do my best…I know I get a little over protective…its just that I
didn’t have the chance when she was growing up…Now I know its too late
to do anything about my guilt but…â€￾ he sighed knowing like I did he didn’t

really have a point.

“Well…id better be getting ready as well…before everyone gets up and
uses all the hot water.â€￾ He smiled before taking the same route as her

Well I did my bit. I did my manly man act and stood up for the dignity of my
wife. Of course im sure that if, no when she found out that she may not see
it that way.


When I woke I had felt like I hadn’t slept at all. But hell it was Christmas,
and I worship Christmas. Even more so now that I had a little angel to dote
over I got up and washed dressed, in jeans and a halter for now, at dinner
I had a black Gucci number that Justin gave me and I was saving it for this,
then I went and I got my baby up and ready too. She was in a cheery
mood thankfully. She was happily chewing on her dummy when I picked her
up. It was something I had wanted to do. I dressed her up in the corniest
of baby outfits. A little cherry red dress, white tights and a tiny Santa hat. I
can fully admit that yes she looked freakin’ adorable! And yes I had the
camera on hand.

“There you go sweetheart…awe wait till everyone sees you…they have
their own Santa now huh…and a cute one at that…â€￾

“You talkin’ to yourself girl?â€￾ Paige came through the door her hair all
messed up and still in her P’js.

“No im talking to lil Santa here! Look at her a’int she cute!!!â€￾ I over
animated “isn’t she!â€￾ Paige smiled “she is…merry first little one! Girl she's
like a tiny doll!!! so hey…we didn’t see you when we came in last night
where’d you go…and hey I need details on this holiday of yours…as tiny
and compact as it was…â€￾ she winked “so…how’d it go?â€￾

“Details later ho. I want everyone to see her."

I reached for her, and got off the bed almost ignoring my friend. “Oh merry
Christmas P.â€￾

As I made my way down the huge stair case I saw father with Justin,
looking at each other strangely.

“What’s going on??â€￾

“Heyâ€￾ my husband smiled “aw look at you aren’t you cute….â€￾ He reached
for our little mini Santa…

“Yeah, whats going on J?â€￾

“Nothing.â€￾ My father added before reaching for A.J’s hand “we were just
talking. And I need to get dressed.â€￾


“He’s right it’s nothing…now…little ladyâ€￾ he turned her attention to the

baby and fixed her hat. “Breakfast huh?â€￾
“Justin tell me what was going on!!â€￾

“NO-thing, I was just chatting with him that’s all is that a crime?â€￾ he smiled.

“About?â€￾ I was curious to say the least, they did look deep in conversation
and I wanted to know the topic.

“Ava I think its lack of sleep here, now if you don’t mind I am gonna make
the baby some milk and a little soft toast or something and then im gonna get dressed…â€￾ I pouted as he ignored me. I turned to walk away, I was

going to check on all the gift – hoping that they’d still all be there.

“Oh and honey?â€￾

“What????â€￾ I snapped.

“Merry Christmas.â€￾

“Yeah, you too.â€￾ I walked into the sitting room that held Elisha and Trace
and waited for the questioning.

I don’t know what was bothering me, I mean I should have been the
happiest woman in the world I had this amazing house full of friends family
and a new husband not to mention my baby this was my first Christmas as
a wife and a mother and I was going to make it work whether or not my
family pulled with me or not, I had a responsibility to my new family first.
So I shrugged it off and went to greet my friends…

Trace was the first to get up from in front of the fire and hug me,

“Happy Christmas Mrs Timberlake…â€￾

“ Awe,you too…how was last night?â€￾ I asked scooting down beside Elisha.

“Ugh, I was designated driver so it sucked for me….â€￾ she groaned, and I
knew the feeling.

“For the rest of us, it was great…so relaxing you know….â€￾


“So, the mini almost honey moon, how was it?â€￾ oh boy.

“It was fantastic; for the most part it was great- thank you so much for it.
But im glad to be back with my baby… the catering arrived and everything is
getting set upâ€￾ well I didn’t feel like cooking for everyone. I knew id screw it
up so I left it – this once to the professionals.

“Ooh, turkey…yummy and pickles and oh god…stuffing…â€￾ I think Elisha’s
cravings kicked in.

“It’s only after 11am, woman come on…â€￾ Trace inserted laughing as she got
up to no doubt head to the kitchen.

“Seriously she's only like three, ish months along and her eating’s insane
on the way home she wanted to stop for sushi at 4am…and she's not
allowed it! Insane…â€￾ he smiled.

“Expect a lot of that soon…I remember what I was like…and it wasn’t

“Hey, where j?â€￾

“Kitchen, getting a few things ready for the baby…â€￾ I noted.

“Are you ok??â€￾

“I am, or at least I will be.â€￾
“Wanna talk about it?â€￾ he offered.


“Well hello there…â€￾ Elisha announced grabbing AJ from her highchair. At

that time covered in tiny bits of oranges.

“Hey…you not tired after last night?â€￾ I asked her as I cleaned my hands
and grabbed a wet cloth to wipe A.j’s.

“Naw, I wasn’t drinking remember…so I am fine…the others though I think
are nursing massive headaches…ha! You?â€￾

“Yeah we had an early night so im fine…â€￾

“Is that so…â€￾ she winked…if only that was the main reason. I just didn’t
answer her.

“Justin don’t hold out on me now…whats up?â€￾ uh…

“Nothin’â€￾ I avoided.

“Timberlake????â€￾ she did that hand on hips thing I was scared of.

“Its just Ava ok she's stressed out about her parents, they started a huge
row last night and it’s had her on edge that’s all.â€￾

“Aw I was wondering, she did seem a little dazed. Im sure she’ll be fine…
wont she?â€￾

“I hope so…â€￾ I really did. “Its just you know how she gets, like she has to
take on the world herself, and I want her to know that it’s not the case

“Did you tell her that though? She's stuck in her ways, and I don’t think she
gets it yet…â€￾


“That your there, for everything now…it’s gonna take more than a few days
for her to adjust…â€￾ see there it was. The selfish in me again. There I was
worrying about myself thinking of just me when I should have been
thinking of her and me – collectively. I felt like a dumbass.

“Will she believe me though when I tell her that everything WILL actually
be okay?

She just shrugged as she opened the double doors to take the baby into
the “gardenâ€￾ “make her believe you…â€￾

Yeah maybe I could make her believe me, the thing is I wasn’t actually sure
whether or not things would be ok. And I wasn’t just talking about the
dinner, I meant everything, everything after we leave the island, head
home and be pounced on by the press…Jesus just the thought was making
me heave. I didn’t want to deal with the pressure again, but I knew one
thing. With her with me I could TRY and deal with anything…and that’s all I
could ask for isn’t it?


see? :blink:

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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Mon Oct 24, 2005 3:18 pm

CHRISTMAS! :D Christmas chapters are always my favorite. :yay: :yay: Gotta love the holiday spirit, minus the parental fighting. I'm glad that Justin stepped in and told Ava's parents to quit it. She's taking it all to heart, and it's their issue to work out, not hers. But I love how she wants everyone to get along -- it's just so hard to keep people from bringing up al those past issues and fights at the holidays. I blame the eggnog. That stuff makes you start talking. :o :huh: :lol:

I want them to hurry up and open all the presents. :yay: :yay: THE BEST PART!

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Postby laura » Wed Nov 16, 2005 10:20 am

<span style='color:dodgerblue'><span style='font-family:Times'><span style='font-family:Times'> A/N well this is it, it aint long so im sorry...but it had to be done didnt it...It was either end it here or ramble for another 110230393 chapters about the same thing...So no, this is it.
Thank you for reading, responding and loving these crazy ass mo-fo's as much as i did! *holds back tears* okay ill let you read now... :( :( :( :( </span>

Feeling somewhat better and more aware shockingly after my little mini pep talk with Trace I went to find Justin, I needed to apologise swallow my big ass pride and let him know that I knew I was talking things way too seriously.
I was bringing down the first week of our marriage, and I knew it just wasn’t fair.

Not to him, not to me and not to everyone in the house for Christmas dinner.

“Elisha is he about?â€￾ I saw her sitting at the kitchen table practically salivating at the appearance of the food.

“Na, he took AJ out for a walk on the beach I think….â€￾ I noted it as I greeted the caterers who came in again
as the house began to fill up as almost everyone was up dressed and looking for coffee.

“Im just gonna go find him, I shouldn’t be long but if you need me….â€￾ I told her as I grabbed my oversized
shades and flip-flops.

“I know I know lady just go!â€￾ she laughed at me.

Walking on to the hot soft sands of the beach I saw him, in the small section of that was right outside the
large gates.

He was expressively explaining something on the horizon to the baby, who was just looking at him wide
eyed her small pure blonde curls just blowing in the breeze.

“Justin?â€￾ I stepped up beside him.

There's times where I want something more
Someone more like me

“hey you…I was just explaining waves to AJ, she was laughing so hard when I dipped her in em’â€￾ he smiled
sliding down to sit on the sand, and I did the same.

“I see that! J I just wanna say that im-â€￾

“Don’t say sorry….there really is no need.â€￾ He patted my knee “Are you ok?â€￾ he asked taking my hand.

“I am now…â€￾ I smiled feeling 100 times better with just one touch and look from him. “Seriously how do you
do that?â€￾


“Make me just forget things that bother me, I love that you do that…you’re like my comfort…â€￾

“I am? Awe…â€￾ he mocked my soppy tone.

“Ass, im being serious…â€￾ I pouted playfully taking A.J's hand in mine as she smiled from her daddy’s hand.

“I know so are you ok? I hope so because dinner…man it’s gonna be rough!â€￾ he laughed.

“Na, I think we’ll survive…im ok with whatever now…they can fire the plates over my head for all I care….â€￾ He
looked at me incredulously with that one eyebrow raised.

“What? I don’t care…I don’t…ive got more happy than insane to worry about today….so listen presents…
dude presents! So when are we gonna open!â€￾

“When ever… im not really that worried either way….what does everyone wanna do? After dinner?â€￾

“Yeah that would be better, I think Elisha is gonna combust if we don’t eat!â€￾ I laughed as I saw her skulk
around the kitchen.

“You where the same girl don’t diss!â€￾

“Uh, No…I did not eat THAT much!â€￾ I didn’t, no really I didn’t!

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>There's times when this dress rehearsal
Seems incomplete

But, you see the colors in me like no one else

“Yeah, sure… like you didn’t eat two tubs of B&J and then order a third…â€￾ ok maybe that one time.


“See you hate it when im right….you cant take it!â€￾ he scoffed at me dipping the baby into the sea.

“Can we move on please…Jesus…â€￾

“Na-ah don’t go bringing Jesus into this he saw more than I did!â€￾ he stated like he always did when I used
the lords name to defend what I was trying to say.

“Justin…â€￾ I warned, letting him know how bored I was. In the hopes he would stop. He got the hint and did
so, scooping both me and our daughter into a hug as we sat.

“You know that boat over there?â€￾ I added seeing on the horizon “it’s full of photographers…â€￾

“I know that…let em stay…Right now I have much better things to do than worry about that crap. He said as
he dipped in and kissed me once on the lips.

“Is that so?â€￾

“Yes Mrs Timberlake it is…Now... Let’s open presents!!â€￾ he exclaimed making wide funny eyes at a bemused
looking AJ.

“I thought we were waiting…â€￾

“Naw. AJ wants this, so were doing it!â€￾ he got up and began to run back towards the house.

Well I guess it was decided then?

With everyone gathered in the living room and almost everyone (baby excluded) passing around gifts that
ranged from tiny to huge.

Mother gifts where given to mother of mine and mother in law, then there were the silly things like ice cream
makers, I-pods, dripping diamond jewellery nail kits, all insanely silly things that no one really needed but
everyone wanted….all of which made the ladies happy, all of it.

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>And behind your dark glasses you're...
You're something else

Including the massive caramel popcorn maker

Justin got Elisha, since it helped that it was her main craving, she was practically jump on him with delight.

We were then told that we had wedding gifts to be given….it consisted of things for our new home, that in

reality we didn’t really need, but it was sweet little things like fridge magnets with our wedding pictures in

them, pictures of the baby incorporated with ours – all taken at the wedding party. It was so sweet.

“Awe Justin, honey…what is this!â€￾ Ava added as she opened the present it was a tiny box with an even
tinnier present.

“What do you think it is…?â€￾

“Well... it’s a…no Justin what is it…â€￾ she didn’t get it. This made everyone laugh.

“Turn it over…woman…â€￾ he rolled his eyes playfully as he slid down beside her and sat himself behind her as
she held the baby in her lap, present in hand as the baby rested again her stomach.

“Oooh…â€￾ it was a key - silver shiny, wrapped again in another section of material. “Whats this for.â€￾

He was a little apprehensive saying what he was gonna say in front of everyone, including her non
emotional mother, but he didn’t care at that point. He just whispered its purpose into her ear.

“It’s to my heart….â€￾

She didn’t say anything she just looked at it, and then him…and he saw the emotion in her eyes. She always
liked the soppy romance. He thought that would be the ticket to her happiness. A little romance did no one

any harm, especially a new bride.

“Awe honey…that’s so…â€￾ and then she was off…crying that was. She started, a little… “Well it’s lovely and I

gladly accept it…fully…â€￾

“Well thank god for that!â€￾ he laughed… “Otherwise you’d be in trouble girl...oh and this is for you too.â€￾

See the thing about that Christmas, we had both made an agreement, no extravagant gifts…I mean the
wedding, the new house the Hawaii house, I mean really…what in the hell was left.

For his gifts he got things for the home too, romantic huh? Little things, for the bar example little funny
Guinness icons- a mirror with writing, JD paraphernalia…silly little things I knew he liked. And hey…he did.

The one main slightly expensive gift I gave him was the watch. The engraved Jacobs and co silver and black
diamond incrusted. And he loved it – thankfully.

His to me, was the bracelet and necklace “from the babyâ€￾ with the words MOM – again with the diamonds,
and the O was pink. Luckily it matched my engagement ring, and my wedding ring…my wedding ring. That
still was taking a little getting used too.

But in a really good way.

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>You're really lovely
Underneath it all

With the majority of presents for the baby, the grown ups gift giving was over pretty quickly. And lets face
the best part of Christmas is when you have a kid to spoil. It’s just not the same otherwise.

“Ok little lady let’s see whats in here….â€￾ Justin animated as he laid our little gift after little gift, then got to
the biggest gift, that I still had no idea about.

“Just you realise she can’t even crawl yet…let alone play with that!!â€￾ I spoke up as trace almost fell off his
chair. The big thing in the box, well it was a child size Mercedes, in pink with a number plate with A.J
Timberlake on it. Sweet yes but also insane and completely impractical!

“So she will be soon and then she’ll be able to do all the things she wants in this lil’ beauty…â€￾ he lifted her
with her doe, doe *dummy* in mouth and set her in it “Dude get the camera! This is too damn cute!!â€￾ he
yelled at trace.

“Justin be careful!â€￾ Lynn called out as we both exchanged disapproving looks. Well it was the mothering
thing to do.

“I will be ma. Don’t sweat it…â€￾ He ignored “awe look see she loves it! Awesome!â€￾

It wasn’t long until everyone was in on the action, mostly the boys, lord help me it felt like I had two kids!

After a few hours of all of us basically playing with the baby’s things and none of our own we ladies reclined.
Dinner was that afternoon….and needless to say we were starving.

At almost 5:30 we were all ready, the food was at that point just about ready, and we couldn’t wait. The
best part of Christmas I always thought was the dinner, and the fact that unlike every other meal on every
other day of the year we HAD to all sit at the same table and at least TRY and get along. We were there,
happy merry and all slightly drunk….wine and eggnog had that effect. Elisha on the other hand wasn’t and
she wasn’t impressed with anyone that was….eh she was in her bitter “I can’t have anything I like modeâ€￾ I
remember it well….

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>
You want to love me
Underneath it all

“You ok?â€￾ Justin asked sneaking up behind me, as I watched our baby girl play with her nana Lynn and

“I am…thank god…â€￾

“For?â€￾ he asked resting his chin on my shoulder.

“Just thanking him…for everything I guess…and for everyone getting along. It’s just…well its all I wanted.â€￾

“I know honey, I know…ditto!â€￾ he stayed quiet for a moment longer “Ava…â€￾


“Johnny called…â€￾

“On Christmas day???â€￾ I looked at him. “Doesn’t he have a family?â€￾

“Yeah but it wasn’t…all about work. He says there um…rumours about us, and the wedding. It’s all over the
E! News and mtv and what not….He wants us to either confirm it for real or make a statement denying it…â€￾

“Wait why would we deny it….â€￾ He looked down at the ground… “Justin why would we deny being married?â€￾

“He thinks that with the tour, and the publicity and all I mean the working title for the damn tour
is “playboy’s playtimeâ€￾ with us boys going out on tour…â€￾ I knew all this I knew he was touring with Pharell &
Chad and others…all boys I knew this what I didn’t know was what he was getting at.

“well he thinks that the idea of me being married, that it might hurt…the tour…I mean he says it doesn’t
really go with the title and all…he says it would be hard to sell and image that everyone knew not to be
true….â€￾ He shrugged and I was infuriated

“Did he now? Well he didn’t have a problem selling Britney as a virgin when EVERYONE knew you two where
going at it like rabbits so why would this be any different.â€￾ I yelled at him in a speedy record time, I had a
habit of speeding up my sentences when I was mad, and again I realised, bad idea on my part. Yelling so
loud that everyone looked up from what they were doing. I didn’t want to look at them, so I made my way
out side.

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>I'm really lucky
Underneath it all

“Sweetheart im sorry look ill call him and tell him that we want to announce it, it'll be done as a press
release…once and for all…â€￾ he said sitting next to me with that puppy expression he always wore when we
was trying to win me over I just looked away as I swung back and forward on the large porch swing.

“That’s not it Justin, whats bugging me is that you considered it, you considering hiding this…and don’t say
you didn’t. Because if you hadn’t you would have told him then and there to stick it! But you didn’t which
leads me to the only conclusion – you regret marrying me don’t you?â€￾

He adamantly shook his head “NOâ€￾ at that. I still wanted to hit him for being an idiot.

“No, and you know that’s not true. I love you more than anything on this earth and you know it…â€￾

“So then what is it?â€￾

“Im scared okay? Im so f***ing terrified it’s eating me up!â€￾ He looked over at me, almost shyly.

Woah that was new…

“What??? Justin what are you scared of exactly? Me?â€￾

“Jesus no…of this, I mean before with us it was like “USâ€￾ you know - we had our thing that no one else was
in on. You did your thing I did mine then we joined when we wanted to…Now we’re married and it’s different,
and im not sure how to approach it. I thought I had it all figured out but I don’t, I didn’t expect to feel this

“scared of not knowing? Is that it?â€￾ I offered.

“Yes of not knowing what my role is now…now only with us, but with them…â€￾

“The fans???â€￾

“Yes, trivial I know but you were the one that made me care what they thought of me. And now I think I do
a little too much. What if they…â€￾

“Justin look…â€￾ I pointed to his ring and more to the point the inscription on it “No what ifs…â€￾ I played,

“You know it’s gonna be fine, you know it but you wont let yourself believe it. Let me believe it for you and I promise you everything will be fine…â€￾ I cuddled into him then, not having the heart to be mad at him.

“Woman, I don’t think I can ever express how much I need you…times like theseâ€￾ he got choked up “when I
don’t even know it…you're incredible.â€￾

“I know that, Im just glad you know it too!â€￾ I smiled letting him embrace me, in more ways than one.

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>
You know some real bad tricks
And you need some discipline
But, lately you've been trying real hard
And giving me your best

We were home three weeks, we got over new years together we got over the press packed at our door
every five minutes, I almost banned her from the net – well I was afraid of the reaction and let’s face it.
People tend to more honest with their feelings when they can’t be seen face to face. I didn’t want her
reading things if they were mean, she took too much to heart.

But I looked over a few sites and over all it wasn’t that bad….amazingly.

She convinced me that the fans that weren’t completely insane would wanna see some kind of “evidenceâ€￾
and since we didn’t go down the “tabloid mag photo dealâ€￾ route we decided to release one photograph a La
Brad and Jen.

But hopefully with longer lasting results.

In that month it was amazing we did everything we needed to do in order to get settled and we managed to
move house. And more amazingly we were all still in one piece.

I loved my house in LA; Id had it for a good five years….but I knew it was time to move on. This was a new
chapter in my life, only now I knew I wasn’t gonna be alone….I had her and she had me, and that was the
most comforting thing I could think of.

“Justin come on we’re gonna be late!!â€￾ I heard her yell from the door of the hotel honeymoon suite.

“Im coming…Just a sec…â€￾ I tied up my “realâ€￾ shoes and prepared for a night of discomfort. I hated real
shoes, something I knew was never gonna change.

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>And, you give me the most gorgeous sleep
That I've ever had
And when it's really bad
I guess it's not that bad

There she was, in her floor length white Valentino hair just done to perfection, she looked stunning…well it
was the occasion.

What was the occasion you ask? Well it was our “wedding partyâ€￾ thrown by my friends, all famous ones of
course, the ones we didn’t “Inviteâ€￾ to the wedding. We were due there by nine, but the baby started to
crawl at 7 so you know that slowed us down – slightly…

“My, Mrs Timberlake if you weren’t married id just take you right here….â€￾ I joked as she fixed my crooked tie.

“Maybe later, if my husbands gone I could arrange itâ€￾ She winked looking me over once again “You ready?â€￾

“I am….â€￾

As we the newly decked out (just for us mind you) “BUTTERâ€￾, it was all done in white with floating candles,
draped material all over the shop it was beautiful and more that that we were taken back the many faces
we saw, that in all honestly we forgot we knew. All of them there to wish us well…as phony as we thought it
was, it still felt nice. It was an interesting contrast to all the press bullsh** “splitting weeks after weddingâ€￾
Lord knows every time we went out and weren’t grinning from ear to ear we were done… but that night, it
was different I saw Ava take her place; not only at my side but in font of me…she was in her element that
night. She knew what she was doing, and looked amazing doing it….she had this confidence about her, one

I hadn’t seen before. She’d gone from shy and retiring to a mother, to this amazing woman and I like to
think I had something to do with that.

She didn’t bullsh** she didn’t fake it. Her smile was genuine as she was….and I think everyone saw that in
her, like I did when she cussed me out that first night in Dublin.

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>So many moons that we have seen
Stumbling back next to me
I've seen right through and underneath
And you make me better

Hell even the fans took to her eventually, well ever since she went online and convinced some site she was
who she said she was… some “abstractsâ€￾ something online, well she kept them informed as to what was
and wasn’t true, and apparently and I quote “she's not the stuck up b**** we thought she was….â€￾

She was thrilled; I didn’t care one way or the other….

But that night. I saw it in her. She belonged, here with me and there was no doubt in my mind….that
underneath it all…all the crap we went and would go through, the fights the rumours that we would no
doubt come up against…

I knew she was with me, she had my back and I had hers…. Even when she became a celebrity in her own
right…in a funny way, the girl loved to talk and we all know she was good at it. So when we agreed to do
Ellen and Oprah, as a couple to talk about our relationship something I was at first unsure of, but she felt
fine with it so I did it, and really enjoyed it, as did the hosts so much so that - the latter took such a shine to
her that she offered her a job, as a field reporter/presenter, two months after the wedding…she turned it
down at first. I had no idea why, it was a great opportunity for her – and it was something I knew she’d rock

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>I've seen right through and underneath
And you make me better

But she left it and we toured, which I can tell you went amazingly and then we settled…. But no matter

how much notoriety that either of us received we didn’t change….because underneath it all being ourselves

was all that mattered.

Her smile and nudge knocked me out of my daze, “J? “You ok love?â€￾ she asked as we danced to the amazing
Jazz band that covered modern hits…Her hands tangling in my short cropped hair, she just smiled up at me
in that adoring way - id never tire of.

“Im here with you…im more than okay…Im in love…â€￾ I kissed her as we swayed

“Yeah….love…a’int it grand…â€￾ she smiled in that goofy way she did that I adored.

Yes, it was…grand, extremely.
<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>
Underneath it all

<span style='font-family:Times'>

Song credit : No Doubt - Underneath It all remix (The Singles)

The end….</span>

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Abstracts Royalty
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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Wed Nov 16, 2005 11:03 am

AWWWWWWWWWW! :wub: :wub: They truly are a lovely couple. I'm glad that they decided to come out to the press and show the whole world how in love they are. :hug: :hug: You can't deny true love, and I think the fans always come to appreciate when someone they admire is really happy with life, even if they secretly cuss the lucky spouse out a million times. :lol:

Loved the Abs shout-out. WOOOOOOOO! :yay: :yay:

Once again, Laura, this was a true pleasure for me to read. I am a devoted fan forever and ever. You can't get rid of me, so keep the great fics coming. Love ya. :kiss:

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