I'm Bored So Here Are Some Jokes

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*PrInC€š§~R¶*
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Postby *PrInC€š§~R¶* » Sat Oct 02, 2004 3:17 pm

Top 3 embarrassing moments...

Third Place

It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home,
but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the telephone ringing downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her piggyback ride to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss the
call,we didn't have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the
stairs,the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled
"SURPRISE!". My entire family, aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all of my friends were standing there. My girlfriend and I were frozen to the spot in a state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity.Since then, no one in my family has planned a surprise party again.

Second Place

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to
release some pent-up energy and started to run like crazy. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other people. I told her that if she didn't start behaving herself right now, she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's Pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing! I mustered the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter. The last thing that I heard, as the door closed behind me was the screams of laughter.

AND THE WINNER IS . . .

This one actually happened at Harvard University in October last
year.In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young female (freshman), raised her hand and asked, "If I understand what you are saying, there is a lot of glucose in male semen, as in sugar?" "That's correct," responded the professor, going on to add much statistical data. Raising her hand again, the sweet young thing asked. "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?". After a stunned silence, the wholeclass burst out laughing, the poor girl turned bright red and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books without a word and walked out of the class.
However, as she was going out of the door, the professor's reply was a classic. Totally straight-faced, he answered her question, "It doesn't, taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not in the back of your throat.
<span style='color:blue'>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</span>

Don't Stop!

A mother told her daughter: 'If someone sexually harass you by touching your top part, you must shout 'DON'T!' and if he does it touching your low part you must shout 'STOP!''

Next day, the daughter came back crying home and told her mother she was sexually harassed. The mother was so angry and asked her why? 'What happened my baby?'

'It was terrible mother… sob… I was in the elevator when he came in… and there were two of us, then he touched my top so I shouted 'DON'T'' the girl cried out.

'That is good', the mother commented.

'Then he touch my bottom and I shouted again 'STOP!', the girl said wiping her tears.

'What happened… then did he try to touch you again?', the concerned mother asked.

'He then touched my top and bottom at the same time and I shouted at him 'DON'T STOP!''
<span style='color:blue'>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</span>

Dress of love

An old woman went to visit her daughter and she found her naked, waiting for her husband.

The mother asks the daughter, 'What are you doing naked?'

The daughter responds, 'This is the dress of love.'

When the mother returns home, she strips naked and waits for her husband.

When her husband arrives, he asks her, 'What are you doing naked?'

She responds, 'This is the dress of love.'

'Well,' he says to her, 'go iron it.'

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