Tell Me

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checkers
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Postby checkers » Wed Jan 07, 2004 11:07 am

I got an email from my poetry place saying that I needed to enter a new poem for another contest...tell me which one you like

<span style='color:blue'>
Things I do not know
Things I cannot see
Things that I cherish
Things I cannot believe
Things that are hard
Things that are right
Things that can speak
Things that you say to me at night
Things that I give
Things that I receive
Things that I hold in my hand
Things hidden up my sleeve
Things that I want
Things that I need
Things that hold me
Things that make me bleed
Things that make me cry
Things that make me laugh
Things that push me away
Things that tear my heart in half
Things that are true
Things that are a lie
Things that are love
Things that make you wonder why
You ask me what I am to you
What you mean to me inside
This is my list of things you are
And I am happy that you are mine

</span>


<span style='color:purple'>Here am without my wings
You are my life my everything
You pick me up when I fall down
You lead me safely to the ground
You’re my heart it beats for you
I have faith in all you do
Don’t be afraid to let it go
These are my words just to let you know
And if I die before I wake
Just sure you make
All of your dreams come true
For I lived because of you
</span>

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whatchagot4meMRJT
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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Wed Jan 07, 2004 11:18 am

Both are excellent, but my vote goes for the first one. I really like the repetition of "things ... " in the first 24 lines and then you change it up with the last four lines. For a contest, I think the first poem comes across as more substantial and gives them more to judge.

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AngelOfMusic
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Postby AngelOfMusic » Wed Jan 07, 2004 1:03 pm

i like the things poem i felt a connection to it both are great but man the first one really touched me

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PreCiouSbAbY
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Postby PreCiouSbAbY » Wed Jan 07, 2004 3:43 pm

they're both good but i like the first one more, i like the repetition of it, it flows better.

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tendertoes
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Postby tendertoes » Wed Jan 07, 2004 7:40 pm

<span style='color:purple'>I like the first one also...do you still have all the other ones you sent me before???
Maybe next time you can send some of those??
</span>

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checkers
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Postby checkers » Wed Jan 07, 2004 10:06 pm

actually tash i need the one that i wrote for my father if you have it

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Sarah
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Postby Sarah » Thu Jan 08, 2004 10:15 am

i like the second one better,it struck a chord with me and for some reason got me all teary eyed! lol

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zozon3
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Postby zozon3 » Thu Jan 08, 2004 12:33 pm

yeah i like the 2nd one better too
it struck a cord like w sarah hehe

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musiclova67
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Postby musiclova67 » Thu Jan 08, 2004 4:25 pm

Both were great but I liked the first one better. ;)

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Hannahjtimberlake
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Postby Hannahjtimberlake » Fri Jan 09, 2004 2:12 pm

I luv em' both but i like the 2nd one more!! :P

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megzrsa
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Postby megzrsa » Fri Jan 09, 2004 6:47 pm

I luv them both! The first poem is great, but the 2nd one is really beautiful!
Im gonna have to say the 1st poem


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