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tendertoes
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Postby tendertoes » Mon Jun 14, 2004 1:09 pm

Defeat

In the moonlit room, he stared blankly at the ceiling. Millions of thoughts ran through his throbbing head, none of which made any sense.
Although exhausted, he couldn’t sleep.
‘Maybe if I don’t sleep, morning won’t come,’ he silently thought.
He had messed up again and for the second time in his life, he saw his life crash down before him. The guilt washed over his body, sending an uncomfortable feeling to his stomach, making him sick. Rushing from the tangled bed, he headed towards the bathroom to throw up for the fifth time tonight. As he wiped tears from his eyes, he couldn’t believe he had done it again.

I can't meet
Losing sleep over this
No I can't
And now I cannot stop pacing…

Give me a few hours
I'll have this all sorted out
If my mind would just stop racing…


He woke in an unfamiliar bed, the story of his life. Peeking from underneath his eyelid, he saw the sun cascade the elegant hotel room. It was here. The thought of the night before had not left his head at all, even haunting his slumber. Lifting his heavy arm, he looked at his watch to check the time. ‘8:39. She’ll be here in an hour.’ As the second hand on his watch got closer to 12, he knew she was a second closer to finding out. Tick. Tick. Tick.

He groggily rolled out of bed and walked to the shower, stepping in moments after he brushed his teeth. As the hot steamy water streamed down and crashed against his body, he wished that it would wash away all his troubles, make him a new man. He had wished this many times before, but it never seemed to happen. ‘Just once…please make this time it.’ He didn’t waste time on thinking of useless excuses and he wasn’t going to lie to her. She deserved to know the truth. She deserved more than his love.

He stepped out of the shower, wrapped one of the fresh white towels around his waist and grabbed another to dry his hair. Going back into the bedroom of the suite, he checked his phone and time. No missed calls…9:02. Throwing his phone back on the bed, he turned and headed back into the bathroom. He was silent, opposed to his usual humming or singing. After shaving and moisturizing his matured face, he stared into the mirror. “How could you f***ing do it again? God Justin, why are you such a f*** up?â€￾ he said to his reflection just angering himself more. It was just a mere eight hours before that he had once again given into lust, not thinking about love. He had no defenses. Just guilt. She had slowly forgiven him for his first mistake, him promising it wouldn’t happen again. Now it had.

He put on clothes and picked up the ones from the floor. He was now ready for all that was about to come. He prepared himself for the pain, the agony, and the heartbreak. He just wished that he could prepare her for the same. But all he could do was sit and wait, dismissing any calls that weren’t her.

Cause I cannot stand still
I can be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening…


As the plane landed, her heart began to race. After weeks of not seeing him, she was now only minutes away. After two years, she was used to being away from him, but each time was different. Each time she missed something else about him. This time it was the way he would carefully make his peanut butter and jelly sandwiches…careful to get equal amounts of each on both sides. And although he never did it out loud, she always knew he was singing the “Peanut Butter and Jelly Songâ€￾ in his head. It always made her laugh, causing him to look up in embarrassment, as if she knew he were singing. She smiled to herself and looked at her watch. 9:25. Right on time.

As soon as she came out of the tunnel, a large body greeted her. “Hey Lonnie,â€￾ she said as she hugged him, a little disappointed that he was not accompanied by her boyfriend. “Have you been looking out for our boy?â€￾ she smiled. Her smile was contagious.

“Girl you know that boy’s outta control,â€￾ his husky voice replied. She let out a small laugh, trying not to take it seriously. She knew all too well of what Justin was capable of. He sometimes got the mindset that nothing could harm him. He was on top of the world, and more than once, she fell victim to this. This made her heart, even though full of nothing but complete and true love, feel heavy like a stone.

After grabbing her luggage, they drove off in the large Escalade and headed towards his hotel. Digging her cell phone out of her purse, she naturally pressed the 1 button and then “call,â€￾ hearing his end of the phone ring instantly.

The sound of his phone playing “99 Problemsâ€￾ startled him in the quiet room. ‘How ironic,’ he thought as he saw “Caller...My b****…â€￾ flash on his phone. “Hey…â€￾

“Hi. What are you doing?â€￾

“Waiting on you,â€￾ he said. His voice was dry and somber. She felt her mouth go dry. “Where are you?â€￾

“We just left the airport. I should be there in about 10 minutes.â€￾ She looked outside and watched as people walked by. She ached for him.

“Okay.â€￾

“Justin?â€￾

“Yeah?â€￾

“I love you.â€￾ It pained him to hear it. He truly did love her. She was the most precious thing he had ever known. How could he do that to her?

“I love you too,â€￾ he told her. They hung up and he looked back at his watch. Tick. Tick. Tick.

The door was in her sight. Ten more steps and she would be right at the entry of her paradise: alone with the man she loved. He heard the rattle of her putting the key in the door, and finally the click of it opening. She entered and lit up the room. Smiling, she ran to him and poured her body onto his, smothering him with kisses. Justin let her, picking her up and embracing her body, feeling her, smelling her and loving her. After one long reacquainting kiss, he put her down to look in her big brown eyes. She did the same, looking in his to see they were red and puffy. He had been crying. “Justin, what’s wrong?â€￾ His time had come.

“I uh…â€￾ he brushed her shiny brown hair out of her face and tucked it softly behind her ear. “I need to tell you something.â€￾ Her jaw clinched, heart dropped and legs became weak as she sat down.

“Okay.â€￾ She already knew what was about to come out of his mouth. She knew by the way he nervously licked his lips, by the way he looked around the room, by the way he moved, by the way he held her hand. They were all too familiar to her. It was if she were re-living a bad memory. She felt like just asking ‘Who? Where? When?’ but she didn’t.

“Marissa, I love you.â€￾ She wanted to say ‘I already knew that,’ and just move on with their lives, but she knew that wasn’t the end of it. “Last night we went out and had a few drinks. I got pretty drunk and well, I’m not going to lie to you.â€￾ She fought back tears as her body became tense and cold. “I uh…I ended up bringing someone back up here.â€￾ She stood and turned her back towards him as the first tears began to fill her eyes. She knew it. She knew it would happen again. Marissa quickly raised her hand, slapping it across his face. She wiped her tears and picked dup her bags from the floor, heading straight for the door. “Wait Marissa, don’t leave!â€￾ he said as he grabbed her arm. He knew that he well deserved what he had just received.

“Let go of me!â€￾ she yelled as she fought him. “Apparently I’m in the wrong room because my boyfriend told me he loved me and he f***ing SWORE to me that he wouldn’t cheat on me again!â€￾ She was now looking him straight in the eyes, something she instantly regretted. Still holding on to her bags, she looked away. “Let me go Justin.â€￾

“No. I’m not letting you go Marissa.â€￾

“Why? So you can continue to sleep around behind my back? Is that why Justin? Or do you have other ways of breaking me planned out?â€￾

“Ris, I’m sorry…â€￾

“Cry me a f***ing river. Isn’t that what you wrote that song about? Remember Justin? Remember what it felt like to find out about Danielle? What about Veronica? Or how about when you found out Britney was f***ing around behind your back?â€￾ She had hit a nerve. She was right. He knew exactly how she felt, but he also knew that this time he wouldn’t be okay to just move on. “You didn’t give them second chances, why the hell do expect me to give you a third one?â€￾

This is over my head
But underneath my feet


“Because you love me.â€￾ She didn’t respond. “And I love you. Don’t you think that I hate myself for doing this to you? I’d rather die than cause you pain. Marissa, I f***ed up, I know. If I could take it back I would, but I can’t. I should let you go right now because you deserve so much more than me, but I can’t. Marissa when I’m with you I feel nothing but real. I’m not ever putting on a show for you. I feel real emotion. That’s something that I only feel around you. You see me as no one but Justin, your boyfriend, someone to love and take care of and to know there is someone like you who cares about me, how I feel, what I like and dislike without criticizing me, but accepting me for who I am... I can’t begin to explain to you how that makes me feel. I’ve grown into a new skin because of you. I’m comfortable with myself. I’m content with my life… my life with you. I don’t want any of that to ever change. I want to love you forever, Marissa. I want to grow old with you, raise a family. I don’t want to live with out you and I pray to God every night that I won’t have to.â€￾ Her bags were still in her hands, her knuckles white from her tight grip. “Now I’m going to let go of you and hope that you don’t leave because you know that everything I just said came straight from my heart and is nothing but the truth.â€￾ He let go, as did she, her bags hitting the floor.

Cause by tomorrow morning I'll have this thing beat
And everything will be back to the way that it was
I wish that it was just that easy…


She understood every word he had just proclaimed, feeling the same exact way about him. Everyday she had wondered how she became so lucky to be the one he had chosen. He had so many options around him, but she was the one he called every chance he had from the time he woke to the time he fell asleep. She was the one he declared his love to, announced around the world. And among all the ciaos in his stressful life, he still listened to her everyday problems, helping her solve them in anyway he could. She was his jewel, his peace, his gift from God. Yet, he still left her on the edge. Should she stay and live in fear that it will happen again? Or should she go, leaving behind the one person that she knew she couldn’t live without? It was her double-edged sword.

I'm somewhere in between
What is real
Or just a dream?


“I can’t Justin.â€￾ It felt as if someone had sucked the life out of him. “I mean, if I stay with you, I don’t know when or if I’ll be able trust you again. But I’m scared to go because I don’t want to lose you…â€￾ Her tears became reacquainted with her cheeks. “I don’t know what hurts more Justin, but either way, the thought of you being with someone else kills me.â€￾ He wrapped his arms around her and her head fell onto his chest as she cried. Holding her tightly, he wished he could just absorb all her pain.

Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in?
Don’t be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again.
I don't want to run away from this,
I know that I just don't need this…


“This wasn’t supposed to be me Justin. I was so careful… I never thought you’d do this to me…â€￾

“I’m sorry baby…I’m so sorry…â€￾ Along with her smile, her tears were also infectious.

“I know you are, Justin, but I can’t live my life hearing those words all the time.â€￾

“You won’t, baby, I promise…â€￾

“That’s what you said last time.â€￾ She pulled herself out of his arms, once again reaching for her things. “I think I’m going to get another room…â€￾

“Please Marissa, don’t leave me…please…â€￾ He intercepted her hand and linked his fingers in hers, grabbing the other hand and doing the same. He pressed his forehead against hers firmly and pleaded, “Please don’t do this…it won’t happen again I swear, baby. Don’t leave me…â€￾ All his preparing had been no use. Nothing could prepare him for this. He fell to his knees, now resting his forehead on her stomach. “I need you…â€￾ he breathed through his cries.

“Justin, do you expect me to sleep in that bed? In this room? You just gave your body to some stranger, and now you expect me to continue making love to it? How is that supposed to mean anything to me when it obviously doesn’t mean anything to you?â€￾

“It does Marissa…when I’m with you it means everything to me.â€￾

“Justin, what if you got her pregnant? What if she gave you something?

“I was careful…â€￾

“So you were had the sense to use a condom but you don’t think ‘I have a girlfriend. I love her. I don’t want to hurt her. I respect her. She’ll be here in the morning and I can make love to her and not just have meaningless sex with someone I don’t even know.’ God Justin you couldn’t even wait a couple of hours…â€￾ He didn’t say anything. He knew there was nothing he could say. She was right. “I’m going to get another room. I’m not leaving… I just need time to think about this.â€￾

Cause I cannot stand still
I can be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening

After hours of thinking, she didn’t know what was right. Should she stay with him and fear it would happen again? She knew if she did, that trust would never be there again. ‘At least he was honest, right? He didn’t lie to me…that should mean something right?’ His words of apology rang through her head, those of today lacing in and out with the ones of the past. She loved him. That’s all that seemed concrete to her. She also heard the words of the ones closest to her, “You don’t deserve that, you deserve better.â€￾ She knew she didn’t deserve it. No one did. But was there something better out there? Something more spectacular than the way she felt with Justin?

He was alone in his room. After hours of pacing, wondering, and hating himself, he began to feel as if he had lost her. He briefly talked to his mom, and even her words didn’t make anything better as they usually had. “Everything happens for a reason,â€￾ she had said, “Everything will turn out for the better.â€￾ He had tried to think of a better life than his with Marissa, but it wasn’t possible. No one had ever made him feel as special as she had and at the same time, no one had ever made him feel like this much sh**. It was if everyone around him was scared to. For the first time in a long time, he felt defeated. He felt alone. Suddenly, he heard his phone ring. It was her. 'If you're havin' girl problems I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but a b**** ain't one...'

“Hello?â€￾ he asked, his heart racing furiously.

“Could you come to my room?â€￾ She sounded lonely. She was lonely.

“Yeah, I’ll be right there. What number?â€￾

“1986,â€￾ she said. “Just knock.â€￾ He was already on his feet and out the door.

“Okay.â€￾ She hung up and he approached the elevator, pressing all the buttons, anxiously awaiting the first to open. When it finally did, he ran in, his finger instantly finding the right number.

Cause I'm waiting for tonight
Been waiting for tomorrow

Moments later, the doors opened and he dashed through the halls, hoping not to run into anyone who would set him back. Finally, there it was, 1986. He nervously knocked three times and it wasn’t until she opened the door he started breathing again. She was covered in her satin bathrobe, hair wet and brushed back. ‘She unpacked…’ he thought. As he passed her in the doorway, he found himself right seeing her luggage open and her things scattered around the room.

“I told you I wasn’t leaving,â€￾ she said noticing his sly observations. Marissa walked past him into the bathroom where she began to braid her hair. He watched her until she was out of sight and sat on the bed nearby. He looked down at his dangling feet and just listened to her in the other room. The familiar after-shower mixed scent of her shampoo, lotion and steam tickled his nose, making his body stiffen. The smell alone was sexy to him. Still staring down, he saw her red toenails approach him and disappear as his left side on the bed sank in. He couldn’t look at her; there was no way he could bear seeing her face tell him it was over. He just sat in silence waiting for her decision, knowing that there was nothing left he could say. There are only so many times you can say you’re sorry. She took a deep breath, preparing herself for her actions. “I’ve made my decision.â€￾ He just nodded. “And before I tell you, I just want to ask you something. Are…are you happy with me?â€￾ Justin’s head rose, looking at her with sincerity.

“I’m only happy when I’m with you. It makes me happy to see you smile, to hear you laugh,â€￾ he said as he noticed fresh tears run down her cheeks, “I’m even happy when you cry knowing that you need me to wipe away your tears and make everything okay again.â€￾ He did as he said and wiped her tears with this thumbs. His large hands felt good to the touch, just as they always had.

“But you shouldn’t be the one causing the tears, Justin. I need to know though because if you’re not… I can’t be in this relationship if it’s not worth it. I can’t dodge your fan’s threats, jeopardize my career, life, for something that one of us isn’t happy in, and all I want for you is to be happy. But when you do this, it makes me question your love for me. You’re out there feeding girls bait, Justin. You’re giving them hope that you will bring them back to your room, so they keep trying. I’ve tried to understand why you just can’t stop and tell them that you’re happy with me, unless you’re not. It makes me feel like I’m not making you happy enough, that I’m not good enough for you. And I hate to think that because I didn’t do anything but try my hardest to make you happy.â€￾

“You don’t have to try—“ he started, being cut off by her fingers on his lips.

“I know, Justin. Despite the scheduling, traveling and our little fights here and there, this relationship has been the easiest thing I’ve ever done. I don’t have to try with you. Everything just comes naturally. I think that’s partially why my decision was easier to make than I thought it would be.â€￾ She held his hand lightly, playing with his fingers. His heart felt as if it were about to pound out of his chest. For the first time, she was unreadable to him. “I don’t know why you did it. I don’t want to know why. I don’t think that I’ll ever understand why either. The thought of you being with someone else sickens me…â€￾ His mouth was dry, his breathing short. He felt his body go cold, as if the life were being sucked out. “But I can’t imagine me being with anyone else.â€￾ Marissa looked at Justin for his response, it being one of someone who had just been released from Death Row. He immediately jumped her, crashing his lips against hers. “Wait,â€￾ she said pulling away. “This doesn’t mean that I’ve forgiven you. It doesn’t even mean I’m taking you back.â€￾ All his hope fell again. “This isn’t something I can just decide in a matter of hours.â€￾ She hesitated, not really knowing how to break the news. “I’m leaving in the morning.â€￾ He literally felt his heart break. His breathing became short. ‘I’ve lost her,’ was all that ran through his mind. “I don’t know when I’ll get over this, or if I ever will, but this isn’t the right place to begin.â€￾ Justin wanted to reach out to her, but he seemed to be paralyzed. He felt dead, stabbed, like his soul was just sucked out of him. “I’m not breaking up with you, just giving us time I guess. Time to figure out if this relationship is what we really want.â€￾

“Is it what you want?â€￾ The words seemed to come out of nowhere, surprising even him.

“Yes, Justin. I want it more than anything in the world. But I’m not going to want it any more if it continues to be like this. I want you to see if it’s what you want because right now it doesn’t seem that way to me.â€￾ His head fell and she cupped it in her hand. “I love you.â€￾ Tears fell, she wiped them away. “I don’t want to be with anyone else but you. Just let me believe that you don’t want to be with anyone else either, okay?â€￾ Her voice was now a whisper covered with tears. He nodded. She grew closer to him, like a magnet between their bodies. He was now in her arms, and she in his. She took note of everything she could: the way he felt, the way he smelled, his heartbeat faintly beating into rhythm with her own. He did the same, running his fingers through her long wet hair, over her silky skin, holding her tighter and tighter. He was in heaven and hell all at the same time.

“Can I—“ he choked out.

“What baby?â€￾ she asked into his skin. It was so hard for her to just forget everything and devour him like she loved. It physically hurt her to be so close to him, yet so far away.

“Can I just hold you for the night?â€￾ His words were sincere, as if a last wish. She nodded before letting go and climbing into bed. He shed his clothes down to his boxers and climbed in after her, accepting her open arms. Once again, he fought off sleep, fearing the morning.

However, it came.

He woke again, feeling the weight of his eyelids and blinded by the sunlight. Quickly closing them again, he didn’t move. He took a deep breath. He could still smell her sweet scent. Excitedly, he opened his eyes and turned, finding disappointment along with a note on top of the satin nighty she had worn.

Justin,
As you can see, I’m gone. I tried not to wake you. You always look so peaceful when you sleep. I hope this break isn’t as long as I fear. I hate the thought of being without you. I’ll be in touch, one day with the news we’re waiting for. I love you.
Love your Marissa.

P.S. I left this for you. I took your shirt.

He rolled onto his back, letting the nightgown lay softly across his face. He breathed in and out, it getting harder every second, now knowing what defeat felt like.

What is real,
Or just a dream?


--The End



Story 2

Repression

"Justin wait" I yelled as I grabbed onto his arms
and he shook me off, "Please Justin. I'm so sorry"
"No f*** you!" he screamed and slammed the door to my
house on his way out
I ran to the door and stood in the doorway for a few
seconds and watched the water pouring down and
lightning crack, I'm so scared of lightning, the one
thing in life I'm afraid of. Get over it Lisa. that's
the man you love. I ran to his car just as he turned
it on, I tried to get in but he locked the doors, so I
flung myself on the hood of his car. He beeped the
horn, but that wasn't the sound I was worried about,
it was the sound of the thunder cracking. I was
crying so hard I could hardly hear anything, but I
knew what was happening. I knew I was lying on top of
a metal object in the middle of a horrible
thunderstorm.
"Get off the f***ing car Lisa!" I heard him scream
out of the window
"No, Justin please.."
"Get off the f***ing car" he repeated this time
screaming it even louder. it went right through me, he
was yelling at me. I'd never heard that tone of his
voice before, at least not to me. and I've known him
my whole life. He slammed the door to his car and
tried to pull me off, but I wouldn't give in, "Lisa
get off my f***ing car, if I do not leave right now
I'm going to do or say something I'm going to regret,
we're both going to regret it so I'm leaving" he
yelled as the water ran down his face
"No, you don't have to leave" I said, my face was now
covered, I wasn't sure if it was tears or rain,
probably some combination, most of it had to be tears
though, "Justin please, don't drive you're going to
get hurt, you shouldn't drive"
"I'm fine to drive," he said as he managed to get me
off his car and I fell into his arms, "Just go inside"
"I can't let you leave like this"
"Well I'm leaving" he said as he tried to let go of
me but I wouldn't let go, "Lisa don't act like a
f***ing baby, get off of me" he's getting really mad
but I can't let him go, "f*** Lisa" he said as he lay
me down on the grass and left me alone, sobbing in the
middle of my yard in the pouring rain. a loud crack of
lightning woke me and I jumped up in bed
"It's ok baby, just a little thunder" I heard the
familiar voice and felt his arms around me. it was
just a dream? "You ok? You feel tense"
"I just. had a nightmare," I said softly as I grabbed
his hands and kissed them, "And the thunder isn't
helping'
"It's just God bowling" he said and I could feel him
smiling. He knows how scared of thunder I am, it's
quite sad for a 23 year old to be so afraid of
lightning, but I have been since I was born. Even my
mother said it, she said it was thundering when she
went into labor and a big crack occurred as I took my
first breaths. She said that I was shaking, I
couldn't even cry, the doctors thought something was
wrong with me, but as soon as it stopped I was fine.
Justin's known me since then, and he always knew the
right thing to say. When all the other kids would
make fun of me because of the big headphones I made my
parents get me, he would just sit down next to me and
try to explain to me why it was nothing to be afraid
of. It was just God bowling, or God moving his
furniture. he'd come up with different ones all the
time. Of course I couldn't hear him, because with
those headphones I couldn't hear anything, but it
still made me feel better to know someone cared enough
to go through all that trouble just to make me feel
safe.
"I know it is," I said with a smile as I turned
around so I was facing him
"Want me to get the headphones?" he asked with a
slight chuckle
I laughed, "Shut up" I said as I silenced him with a
kiss.
"So I just make fun of you and I get kisses? Is that
how it works?" I shook my head and laughed as I turned
around so my back was facing him, "No, not the butt!"
he laughed as he rolled over me so he was now on the
other side of the bed
"Go to sleep" I laughed as I pushed him. off the bed.
I didn't mean to "Oh God, J"
"Yeah funny Lisa" he laughed as he stood up and
pushed me over in the bed
"I didn't mean to." I began through laughter and I
saw him roll his eyes
"Go to sleep" he said with a slight chuckle and
pushed me some more
"You're so mean to me. control that violent behavior"
He laughed and pulled me closer to him, "I love you"
he said as he kissed my neck
"I love you too"


I lie down and felt his soft lips grazing over my
almost naked body. He kissed my lips and I kissed
him back, my eyes were closed in ecstasy. I moaned as
he kissed his way down my body and ran my hands
through his short hair. He stopped when he got to my
panty line and placed his gentle hands on my waist, he
placed his thumbs under the waistline and slowly
pulled them down my legs. I opened my eyes and it
wasn't Justin. it wasn't the man I love, the man I'm
going to marry, the man I knew I would marry since 4th
grade when he carried me home 3 blocks after I broke
my leg jumping from that tree. since 7th grade when he
saved me from that snake. the one thing he's afraid of
is snakes, but he saved me from it. The man I shared
my first kiss with, my first date, my first.
everything. How could I be so stupid?

I can't keep
losing sleep over this
No I can't
and now I cannot stop pacing

I jumped up from my bed, breathing heavily, "Justin?"
I called as I looked around the empty room. I reached
for the clock and picked it up in my hands since I
couldn't see without my glasses. 9:30, he's already at
work. So it was all a dream? Well a nightmare. it was
so real, so lifelike. I grabbed my glasses from the
bedside and walked down to the kitchen. I poured
myself a cup of coffee he had made before he left and
sat down on the counter, next to the paper he had open
to the sports section, the only one either of us ever
read. He circled the Lakers game that's tonight and
drew a little frown next to it. We couldn't get
tickets, I wish I could have found some, he really
wanted to go.so did I, I think actually a little more
than he did. no we both wanted them the same, we've
loved the Lakers since we were kids, since Magic
Johnson was there. everyone used to tell us we
couldn't like them since we weren't from California
but now we're here so no one can say anything. I took
a bite of the bagel he had left for me as I skimmed
through the rest of the paper; he always circled the
things he knew I'd be interested in. I walked over
to the refrigerator and pulled the note had had
written me off of it. He always leaves these cute
little notes for me. This one wasn't really a note,
more like an. equation. He drew a picture of a stick
figure girl and wrote under it: (you) then a plus sign
and a stick figure boy (me) and then a plus sign then
a basketball and an equal sign. Tonight at 6 baby! I
laughed as I took another bite from the bagel and
reached for the phone. is he serious?
"Yes, very serious" he answered the phone, I swear
we've known each other so long we can read each others
minds
I laughed, "For real? How?"
"I had to kill this guy. but it was worth it to see
game six baby"
"Seriously" I laughed
"I have friends in high places" he said with a
chuckle, "You should know that by now, I gotta go
sweetie, I'll talk to you later. 6 o'clock you better
be ready"
"Oh I'll be ready" I smiled, "Love you"
"Love you too, bye babe" he hung up the phone and I
screamed. we're going to see game six baby! Court
side too, nothing but the best! I stuffed the last of
my bagel into my mouth and crumbled the napkin into a
ball and shot it into the garbage. "From downtown she
shoots. she scores! The crowd goes wild. ahh ahh" I
laughed at the fact that I was acting like a 10 year
old and ran up to my room, and went through my closet,
no I'm going to buy us clothes. I threw a pair of
shorts and a tank top on, grabbed my keys and ran to
my Escalade. yeah that's right I didn't even take a
shower, or put my contacts in, or put any make up on.
I never really wear much makeup anyway, but I usually
shower. haha I swear. I turned the key in the ignition
and the radio blasted and I turned it down. he listens
to the music so loud, you'd think he's deaf, or you'd
wonder why he isn't deaf from listening it for so
long. I changed the station and heard Justin's voice
taking over the airwaves. I guess he had an interview
today. I drove around so I could hear the whole
thing, his voice sounds so sexy on the radio, who am I
kidding he sounds sexy no matter what. he could say
something so disgusting but with his voice, he'd
somehow make it sound so sexy. I drove into the
parking lot of the mall and grabbed a credit card from
the glove compartment. I walked right into the sports
store right to the Lakers wall. so many choices.
"Lisa, hey" I looked over and saw him. the man from
my dream, Matt. maybe it wasn't a dream?
"Hey" I said softly as he pulled me into a tight hug
and kissed my cheek. oh my god it wasn't just a
dream..
.
"Are you ok?" Matt asked as he helped me put the
groceries away
"Me? Yeah. fine"
"What's going on?"
"I just miss him," I said softly as I continued
putting the things away, Justin had been gone for two
weeks, the longest two weeks of my life. We've never
really been apart that long. except that one time when
we were 17 and he had to do the tour for 2 months and
my parents wouldn't let me leave school to go with him
because it was the end of senior year. But that was
the only time, any other time we'd last maybe a week,
10 days if we were lucky, without one of us flying to
the other. But I couldn't get the time off work, and
he couldn't come home, especially with the busy
schedule they gave him, a show pretty much every day,
and if not a show they spent the day traveling to the
next city. He wanted me to quit my job, he always
said that there was no need for us both to work, and
that my job should be following him around. It sounds
tempting but I couldn't do it. I couldn't be that
girl, the girl who relies on a man to do everything
for her, to make all the money, buy everything. I
couldn't do it. Even though Justin makes enough money
to support a small country it still feels good to know
that I bought some things by myself. Plus he's so
busy on tour I hardly get to see him even when I go,
and that would be very boring for me to spend my whole
life like that.
"I know you do, but you'll see him soon enough" Matt
said as he grabbed my hand away from the box of Apple
Jacks I was putting on the top counter.
"I know," I said softly as I pulled away from him,
but it felt so good to feel his touch, to feel a man's
touch.
"I'm here for you Lisa, you know that" I nodded my
head and fell into his arms. He wrapped his strong
arms around me and before I knew it we were in my
bedroom.

Give me a few hours
I'll have this all sorted out
If my mind would just stop racing
.
I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't control myself. I
cried myself to sleep every night after that happened
until I finally saw Justin. I could hardly live with
myself. I had cheated on my boyfriend, the man I
love, with his friend, with our friend. It was like
one of those horrible experiences that you just pray
that it didn't really happen. I was in denial. I
convinced myself it was just a nightmare and it never
happened. I tried my hardest to repress it and I had
been successful until I saw Matt standing there in
front of me. And that's when reality set it, when I
realize that yes, I cheated on my boyfriend. the man I
love. the man I'm going to marry.
"We're not supposed to talk," I said as I quickly
grabbed the Lakers shirts and caps as I walked away
from him
"I'm just saying hi," he said and I looked up at his
concerned face
"Sorry. hi" I said as I walked towards the counter
and I felt myself shake "I have to go Matt"

Cause I cannot stand still
I cannot be this unsteady
this cannot be happening

"I'll see you later" it was weird for him too. Matt
has known Justin as long as he's known me. We all
grew up together, Matt later, we met in high school.
It was really hard for him too that we actually went
as far as we did. And now he too had to deal with
what happened. We both agreed not to ever talk about
it again, or even to each other, unless Justin was
there, and even then we didn't really talk. It was a
huge mistake, the biggest mistake either of us had
ever made.
If Justin found out I don't know what I'd do. That's
why I never told him. I've tried to, I really have
but I just can't. I had picked up and slammed the
phone down so many times while he was away to call him
that I broke it. The day he came home I was prepared
to tell him, I had thought of a whole speech for him,
prepared for the worst, that he'd leave me. But then
I saw him, and I just couldn't do it. He was so happy
to see me, so happy to be home. so happy to be alive.
I couldn't tell him. I couldn't kill him

This is over my head
But underneath my feet
Cause by tomorrow morning I'll have this thing beat
And everything will be back to the way that it was
I wish that it was just that easy

The sound of my cell phone ringing woke me from my
thoughts and caused me to jump and drop the bags to
the floor. Ok Lisa, get a grip. "Hello?"
"What? No 'Timberlake's hoe'?" he asked with a slight
chuckle. Every time he calls I always answer the
phone saying 'Timberlake's hoe'. just a little joke I
guess, and it caught on.
"Hey baby"
"What's wrong?" he could tell by my voice, he could
always tell
"Nothing"
" I'm coming home"
"No, Justin I'm fine, please?"
"Tell me what's going on"
"Nothing, I'm just shopping and. there's these kids
following me around so I didn't want to say that" I
hate lying to him, it's the worst feeling in the world
"They already looking at you like they know who you
are?" he asked and I could almost see the smile on his
face
"Yeah" I said softly and changed the subject quickly
so I wouldn't have to lie to him anymore, "So what's
going on?"
"Nothing, I'm just on a break, wanted to hear your
voice" he's so perfect. and I'm so not. He has no idea
of what I did, no clue, "You there?"
"Yeah, sorry" I said as I got into my car, "I miss
you, come back"
He laughed, "I've been gone for 4 hours"
"I know but you didn't wake me before you left"
"I never wake you before I leave"
"I know but I always ask you too"
"I know but I can't. you know I can't"
"Why not?"
"Because you look so beautiful while you're sleeping,
so angelic" he paused and then laughed, "And we all
know the only time you're an angel is when you're
sleeping"
I laughed, "I love you too"
"Yeah yeah" he paused, "My back is really soar, I
must have fallen of the bed last night"
"Oh Justin shut up" I laughed, "I'm so sorry"
"Yeah, yeah that's what you've said," he said
pretending he was upset, "I know how you can make it
up to me"
"Oh yeah? And how's that?"
"Oh you know," he said and I could almost see the sly
grin covering his face
"Jus-tin" I said as if I were shocked
"Whoa, whoa Lis, get your mind out of the gutter, I
was talking about making me some of your famous
chocolate chip cookies"
I laughed, "Yeah, I'm sure you were"
"I was" he laughed, "Alright I gotta go baby, I'll
see you at 6, love you"
"Love you too, bye Justin"

Cause I'm waiting for tonight

The rest of the day seemed to last forever. well of
course until 6. Justin called me a couple more times
before he finally came over at 6 o'clock on the dot.
"It's about time, I was going crazy," I laughed as he
walked in wearing the same shirt I had just bought him
He smiled and kissed me gently and handed me a bag,
"I got you a shirt"
"I got you a shirt," I laughed as I handed him the
bag, we both took out the same shirts we were wearing
"What the hell?" we both asked at the same time with
a laugh
"It's ok. let's go"
"Let's go" he smiled as he grabbed onto my arm,
"Today right, I had this press thing we were playing
this trivia thing with the winners"
"Uh huh" I smiled as we walked to the car
"And I won" he smiled very proudly, he gets so proud
of himself over the stupidest things. but it's so cute
"You won? You're supposed to let them win Justin," I
said with a slight chuckle
"No I'm not" he said seriously, "It's a music trivia
thing, how bad would it look if some punk ass kid beat
me?"
"Punk ass?"
He laughed, "They were punk ass kids" he paused and
rested a hand on my lap, "So how was your day?"
"Good, I made you cookies"
"What?" he asked and looked over at me, almost
stopping the car in the middle of the highway "Where
are they?"
"They're in the oven waiting to be cooked" I smiled,
"So they'll still be warm when we get home"
"Alright, you're good" he smiled, "I knew there was a
reason I'm going to marry you" he kissed me as we
drove off the highway
I laughed and we left the car at the valet and walked
into the Staples Center. A few kids wanting pictures
or autographs stopped us but it wasn't that bad, the
Lakers games usually weren't. Most of the people
there couldn't give a sh** about who's there; they
just want to see the Lakers, just like us.
We sat down in our seats, right behind the Lakers
bench. closest seats we've ever had. "Oh my God, I can
like touch Kobe"
Justin laughed, "The only man I want you touching is
me"
I laughed as I rested my hand on his lap, "I swear if
Shaq sits in front of me, I won't be able to see, I'll
have to kick his ass"
"Yeah, I'd like to see that" Justin laughed, "Don't
do anything stupid Lisa, I love you and everything,
but if anything happens, I'm not fighting Shaq for ya"
"Aww thanks baby" I said sarcastically as he wrapped
his arm around me and kissed my forehead. I seriously
am the luckiest girl in the world
A few minutes into the first quarter I looked over
and saw someone sit down next to me. it was Matt
"Hey" he said softly.

I'm somewhere in between
what is real
Just a dream

"Hey man, it's about damn time," Justin said as he
reached over to shake his hand, I smiled at him and
then looked over at Justin
"You didn't tell me he was coming"
"Oh yeah, I got extra tickets. last minute thing, I'm
sorry" he said as he watched the game intently
"Oh no, I don't care"
"Ok" he smiled as he looked at me staring at him and
tapped my leg, "Watch the game"
"Wanna switch seats?" I couldn't even sit next to
Matt; I felt horrible even being near him. almost
dirty
He gave me a weird look, "What's wrong with your
seat?"
"Shaq's big head is in my way, and the light is
reflecting off his baldness"
"Baby" Justin laughed as he covered my mouth, "Shut
up" he looked at me and noticed I wasn't smiling,
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing"
"If you want to switch seats that bad."
"No it's ok"
"I'm going to go get a beer, you want?"
"I'll go," I said as I stood up. please don't leave
me alone with Matt
"No, watch the game" he said as he kissed my forehead
as he walked past me, and left Matt and me alone

What is real
Just a dream

"I didn't know you were coming," I said softly
"Yeah, he just called me a couple hours ago" I nodded
my head, "Sorry, I didn't.."
"No it's ok," I said as I began to feel myself shake.
please come back Justin, please.
A few minutes later Justin came back, handed Matt and
I a beer and we continued watching the game. I
couldn't enjoy the game at all; I couldn't even pay
attention. all I thought about was Matt. about what we
had done, about what I had done.
After the game we went right home, "So how about them
cookies?" Justin asked with a smile
"Oh yeah, right. go ahead up I'll bring them up" I
said softly. I wish my mind would just stop racing
"What's the matter?" he asked as he wrapped his arms
around me from behind and kissed my neck
"Nothing I just. I need to tell you something" I said
and immediately felt myself begin to cry. this is it.
there's no turning back now
"What's going on?" he asked as he wiped the tears
falling down my face with the bottom of his shirt,
"Baby are you alright"
I nodded my head, "I'm so sorry"
"For what? Lisa what's the matter?"

Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in?

"Justin I love you so much" I began. how do you tell
the man you love that you've done something so
horrible?
"I love you too," he said as he sat down next to me
on the couch, "What do you need to tell me? Are you
all right? Is everything alright?" I shook my head as
I pulled my shirt up to wipe my eyes, "What is it?"
"I'm so sorry"
"Baby tell me what's going on"
"I made a mistake. a real big mistake," he didn't say
anything, just watched me carefully, "With Matt. we
made a big mistake"
"What kind of a big mistake?" he asked softly
"A real big one" I paused, "A huge one"
He understood what I meant, he always understands me,
and it was like we could read each other's minds. And
I could read his at that moment, and all I saw was
fear. confusion. hatred. but most of all hurt. I had
hurt him so much, "How big?" he managed to get out,
unable to look at me. it was killing me "I mean, big
like a kiss or big like. all the way big"
I took a deep breath, "All the way big" I said softly
He stood up and headed for the door, "Justin wait
please don't leave me." I fell down at his feet
begging him not to go

Don't be surprised if I collapse down at your feet
again

"Get up" he said as he shook his leg to get me off
and I did what I was told, "When?"
"When you were on tour," I said softly between sobs
"When I was on tour 2 f***ing months ago?" he started
to scream. he's never yelled at me before, "And you
tell me this now?" I heard a crack of thunder and I
ran over to him as he walked towards the door
"Justin wait" I yelled as I grabbed onto his arms and
he shook me off, "Please Justin. I'm so sorry. I
wanted to tell you so bad but I was so scared, please
Justin, I'm so sorry, don't leave me"
"No f*** you!" he screamed as he slammed the door on
his way out

I don't want to run away from this
I know that I just don't need this

I ran to the door and stood in the doorway for a few
seconds and watched the water pouring down and
lightning crack, I'm so scared of lightning. Get over
it Lisa. that's the man you love. I ran to his car
just as he turned it on, I tried to get in but he
locked the doors, so I flung myself on the hood of his
car. He beeped the horn, but I didn't care, all I
knew was I couldn't let him go. I couldn't let him
get away. I love him too much. I didn't even care
about the storm, it was like it wasn't even happening,
but I knew it was happening. I knew I was laying on
top of a metal object in a thunderstorm.

Cause I cannot stand still
I cannot be this unsteady
this cannot be happening

"Get off the f***ing car Lisa" I heard his scream out
of the window
"No, Justin please.."
"Get off the f***ing car" he repeated this time
screaming it even louder. it went right through me, he
was yelling at me. He slammed the door to his car
and tried to pull me off, but I wouldn't give in,
"Lisa get off my f***ing car, if I do not leave right
now I'm going to do or say something I'm going to
regret, we're both going to regret it so I'm leaving"
"No, you don't have to leave" I said with water
running down my face, I wasn't sure if it was tears or
rain, probably some combination, most of it had to be
tears though, "Justin please, don't drive you're going
to get hurt, you shouldn't drive"
"I'm fine to drive," he said as he managed to get me
off his car and I fell into his arms, "Just go inside"
"I can't let you leave like this"
"Well I'm leaving" he said as he tried to let go of
me but I wouldn't let go, "Lisa don't act like a
f***ing baby, get off of me" he's getting really mad
but I can't let him go, "f*** Lisa" he said as he lay
me down on the grass and sped of, leaving me all
alone, sobbing in the middle of my yard in the pouring
rain.

Cause I'm waiting for tonight
been waiting for tomorrow
And I'm somewhere in between
what is real
Just a dream


Story 3

I Dream of Death

I can't meet
Losing sleep over this
No I can't

I wish he would just leave me alone. I don’t know what he wants but he keeps on following me everywhere and it’s starting to freak me out. I know he thinks I don’t notice him but I do. I see his eyes piercing through my soul. I see his curls sticking out underneath his beanie. I see his giant hands resting inside of his pockets. I see everything and do you want to know why? My father was a sergeant in Army. He taught me to notice everything about everyone. Notice the way they walk, the way the stand, the way their brow line forms, how high their cheek bones are, if they have a cleft chin, everything.

And now I cannot stop pacing
Give me a few hours
I'll have this all sorted out
If my mind would just stop racing

I live out in LA now. My whole life I moved around because of my fathers job but I made my permanent residence out in LA. I’m not really sure what attracted me to the city, just the mystery of it all I guess. I love being around celebrities so I guess when I see them coming in and out of my place of business, I feel content and secure.. This is a make it or break it city and hopefully I’ll be making it one day. As of now though I work at Starbucks. He comes in everyday at exactly 10:57 a.m. and orders the exact same thing a double latte, gives me a $10 and says to keep the change as he gives me his million dollar smile. Then he hides outside and waits for my shift to end at 11:00 a.m. and follows me to my apartment. Everything about him seems so familiar but I can’t really put my finger on what it is. Soon though I’ll figure out who he is. Everyday I put together more and more pieces as to who he really is. He leaves behind small clues which he probably has no idea he’s doing. Two can play his game ya know?

Cause I cannot stand still
I can be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening

One day out of the blue, he does something completely unexpected. As I was opening up the front door to my apartment complex, he came up and introduced himself. I believe his exact words were "Hi umm I’m Justin Timberlake." I thought to myself umm yeah duh I know who you are. You’re the creep who’s been following me around but I keep my mouth shut. "It’s nice to meet you" I quickly reply "But I really need to get going" I said as I went running inside my complex. Stalkers aren’t suppose to introduce themselves so what is this guy doing? He’s screwing up the plan!

This is over my head
But underneath my feet
Cause by tomorrow morning I'll have this thing beat

"Please just let me come inside for a couple minutes" He pleads as he knocked on the glass. Perfect, I have him right at my feet you see. See he thought that he was the one who wanted me but in fact, I had been coming up with a plan for months to get his attention. See whenever he comes I acted like I didn’t see because I knew that it drove him wild. One more way to get him closer to me. If only he knew what I was really up to. I’m employed by someone higher than him and higher than anyone he’ll ever become but shh no one knows that except for me and my employer.

And everything will be back to the way that it was
I wish that it was just that easy

Tonight is when my plan all comes together. I’ll go out with him and there’s nothing that can stop me then. Once I have a plan in mind, no one and I mean no one can change it you see. All I have to say is that Justin had better be watching his back tonight while he’s sleeping. You never know who may be lurking around your house, waiting for the perfect time to attack.

Cause I'm waiting for tonight
Been waiting for tomorrow
I'm somewhere in between

So it’s tonight now and Justin just bid me my farewell. He said he called me again but we all know that won’t be happening. After a romantic evening we went back to his place to "get to know each other" but we all know that I was there so that I could get his security codes. After that final kiss, I head back out to my car and drive out of the iron gates, only to park down the street a couple houses and change clothes. When I emerged from my car this time, I’m covered from head to toe in black, even a black beanie is covering my blonde locks so he’ll have no idea who I am when I enter his bedroom. Have to wait for the perfect time though because right now he’s getting a shower and then he’ll watch some of the Laker game. So in exactly 1 hour and 38 minutes I will be entering the Timberlake residence.

What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream

As Justin drifts off to sleep, I am already safely inside his house. But as for where, no one really knows. I camouflage with the rest of the pitch dark house. So far so good, my plan is working. No one knows that I’m here except for my boss and myself. After tonight I don’t think that he’ll be bothering me anymore. In fact, he’ll be quite quiet. As I entered his room, he stirred just a bit but fell right back to sleep thankfully. Step number 2 is complete, getting inside his room carefully. If only I can carry out the task in front of me everything will be perfect.

Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in
Dont be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again

I slowly pull my 32 caliber out of my sock, you can do this Courtney I think to myself as I put the gun to Justin’s temple. Will the world be surprised when they hear the morning news, that Justin Timberlake was shot to death last night? He’s the worlds biggest pop star why wouldn’t they? He had everything that everyone ever wanted, money, fame, and happiness but in 3 seconds he won’t have that any longer. 3-2-1 and I pull the trigger, sending the bullet through the chamber and into Justin’s temple. Quickly, I hide any evidence that I had ever been in Justin’s house and run back out to my car and head off into the distance.

I don't want to run away from this
I know that I just don't need this

It’s on the morning news, the headlines read "Justin Timberlake, the world’s biggest pop star, was murdered to death in his LA home last night." The reporters go on to say "There are no leads as to who committed the murder as of right now. Police have reports that a silver Z3 was parked near Justin’s house late last night. If you have any leads in this investigation, please call the LA Police." They’ll never catch me, I’m the master of all murders. You know Tupac and Biggie, that was all me too. They never caught me then so why would they catch me now. I feel kind of bad though, his poor mother. They just showed her on tv and she’s crying her eyes out. And his little brother’s too. What did they do to deserve this? Maybe I did the wrong thing. I have to go and turn myself in.

Cause I cannot stand still
I can be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening

As I walk into the police station, cops are running all over the place. They are trying to pin point down who Justin’s murder is. This is a high profile murder and the public isn’t going to let it rest. They want answers and they want them now! As I walked up to the reception counter, no one seems to notice me until I mention that it’s about the Timberlake murder. Then the caption quickly comes out and ushers me back to his office so that we can "sit down and chat." I plopped myself down into the brown leather chairs. "You said you had a lead in the Timberlake case" he finally asks after a couple minutes of silence. "Umm yeah I quickly replied. I know who the murder is"

Cause I'm waiting for tonight
Been waiting for tomorrow
And I'm somewhere in between

"You know who the murder is?" He asks almost as if it was both a question and a statement. I simply nod my head up and down and that was all he needed. He quickly threw a yellow lined pad down in front of me and told me to write down every single thing that I could recall about the incident. What is there to say, I went out to dinner with Justin, came back to his place where I got the security codes, after I leave, I change outfits, sneak back into and put a 32 through his temple. I write down everything in exact detail from the exact way he opened up the car door for me to the way that I slightly turned my gun as I had it pressed against his temple. As soon as I’m done, I pass the paper back across the table and head out of his office, knowing that he’ll be chasing after me about 30 seconds.

What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream
What is real just a dream

The captain reads everything I said and closes down the building. Police are blocking every possible exit to the place and I have no where to hide. I see the captain running after me down the hallway, no this can’t be happening to me. Just as the handcuffs and slapped on around my wrists, I wake up in a cold sweat. My body is cold and shaking and sweat is pouring off of my forehead. How could all of this be happening? It was all just a dream. A sick, sick dream that took place inside my head you see. Justin was never killed that is for sure. The one thing that’s for sure is that I’m just a little star bucks girl in this big city of dreams which fall through the crack.

the end

Story 4

<span style='color:magenta'>Eyes Wide Shut

The phone rang and so did my head. But I can't find it. Where is it? What is it? The phone kept ringing and my head started pounding.

I opened my eyes as best I could, and rolled over in my bed. Where's the f***ing phone?

"Hello?" Someone else in my room answered the phone. A guy. I wasn't quite alert enough to recognize his voice though. "Yeah she's here, but she's knocked out," he said quietly into the phone. This guy all of a sudden plopped onto my bed and began wiping the scattered strands of my black hair from my face. "Okay, I'll be sure to tell her you called," he finished.

I heard the click of my cell phone close, and I slowly reopened my dark blue eyes. They transfixed on the man sitting next to me, staring down at my resting form. "JC?" I asked, hopefully.

"You know it, mama. How do you feel?"

"Terrible." I tried to roll over, but the thumping in my head told me that wasn't the greatest of ideas. "Oh God, I feel like sh**."

"You look like sh**," he laughed.

"Damn. I guess flattery isn't your thing," I replied, making a flaccid attempt at hitting his arm.

"Hey man." He got up from my bed and darted to my dresser where he started playing with his curly brown locks in the mirror. "If your best friend can't be honest with you, then who can?"

I ran a stressful hand across my forehead and sat up very slowly. "So are you gonna fill me in on this hangover, or do I have to guess what happened last night?"

"Umm..."

"JC?"

"Uhh…"

"Josh, don't f*** with me."

"Well I don't exactly know what happened."

"Don't lie," I said. "Tell me what happened."

"Well," he started, just as his phone rang, "Damn, hold on, mami."

I sighed and flipped on my television, switching through the hundreds of channels. "Tonight, on Access Hollywood: New baby news for Kate Hudson. Bennifer on the rocks? Justin Timberlake and Chris…"

I changed the channel before they could say another word about that damn Justin. It was yesterday's episode anyway. And I hate Justin. Not only is he pretentious and arrogant, but he's a freakin' liar. Now, he has the nerve to ask me to come with him on his stupid tour. Ha! In. His. Dreams.

"Okay, sorry about that," JC announced, pushing his phone back into his pocket. "Now where was I?"

I muted the TV and directed my attention back to him. "You were telling me why my head feels like Ricky Ricardo got to it."

"Oh right. Well I think you had a little too much fun last night," he smiled, sitting back on the bed.

"No sh**," I laughed. "Who'd I leave with?"

"I uh, I don't think that I can say," he replied awkwardly.

"You let me leave without seeing who I left with? JC, you're supposed to watch out for me! Where was Trish?"

"We shouldn't have to watch every move you make. You’re 22 and ‘grown,’ he snapped his fingers, imitating me. “Remember?"

"Shut up! You're always watching - even when I don't want you to."

"Well okay," he grinned. "I was watchin' last night too."

"So," I asked, thumping his bare bicep.

He shook his head and walked towards the door. "You'll have to find that out on your own."

"JC!"

"Nope," he grinned.

"Que tal!"

"Because I ain't gonna be the one you get mad at when you find out."

I started whining. "Tell me!"

"Justin," he answered, somberly.

"Justin?" I yelled.

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JT Fan Girl
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Postby JT Fan Girl » Mon Jun 14, 2004 1:10 pm

I'm first, I'm first, I'm first!!! :P

Haven't read them yet... just wanted to be first. :ph34r: :lol:

But I know they will be great... thanks a million Tash! :blowkiss:

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Postby tendertoes » Mon Jun 14, 2004 1:16 pm

<span style='color:purple'>Damn thing didn't allow me to post everything...keep reading the rest is to follow!
grrr

Once again I apologize...

Story 4 continued

Did I mention that I hate Justin?

And I hate JC for being friends with that cocky motherf***er. It amazes me how two people that are so totally opposite manage to be such good friends. JC and Justin are like Heaven and Hell, respectively. Then again, I guess the same could be said about JC and me. We're definitely the odd couple. But I love that guy like he's my brother. Shoot, he basically is my brother. We've been through a lot in the past twelve years.

If he hadn't been so wrapped up in his career, we probably would've hooked up by now. But I had to get stuck with Justin. I guess since we're the same age, people just wanted to pair us up. He was doing better with Britney, if you ask me. Instead, he had to go and turn my world upside down.

What did he do? Well first of all, he f***ed up every freakin' thing when he told me he liked me back when we were kids. I mean, ever since then, I haven't been able to get his ass off my mind, and that's some sh**, because I don't go for the white boys - not even back then. But that Justin - he's a smooth motherf***er.

We've always had a weird relationship. There was a mutual adoration that we shared for one another. He used to tell me that he was scared of me - that my confidence made him nervous. I told him he was just afraid of the Sag in me, but I knew he wasn't. Hell, he loved it. He loved me.

We learned a lot from one another, too. I learned about boys from Justin, and well, he found about everything else from me. When he wanted to lose his virginity, who'd he come to? Me. I hadn't been a passenger on the V-Train for a while at that point, so I hooked him up. That's just how freakin' cool we were. I guess you could say that, together, we figured out life.

As time progressed, we grew closer, even though schedules kept us apart. Between email, phone bills and JC, we kept in touch. Truth be told, I fell in love with the bastard, though I'd never tell him that in a million years.

I still ask myself how I let that sh** happen. One day, he was my homeboy from around the way. Next thing I know, we're thousands of miles apart and I'm freakin' wondering where he is and what he's doing. It was like a dream. It was as though, with the blink of an eye, our relationship transgressed the line of an essentially platonic friendship to some crazy romance that only the two of us were in on.

After a while though, it seemed like I was the only one in it. Why? Because the boy moved on and didn't even have the decency to tell me. Not only that, but he moved on with my friend. His defense was that we were never in an official relationship. Shoot, I even got down on my hands and knees and begged him not to let it go down like that. That sh** didn't work.

Since then, things between us have been… bad. I have no more words for him - just angry stares. The only reason I even set foot in his vicinity is because his best friend is my best friend too. And for whatever reason, Josh thinks that Justin and I belong together; that we're some match made in Heaven. 'Hell' seems more appropriate. I can't even look at Justin the same way anymore. He disgusts me. I know that that's just me being immature, because he hasn't changed any more than I have, but to be perfectly honest, the bastard freakin' broke my heart. He ended the dream before it really had the chance to start.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

By noon, I was being escorted to the back of my favorite restaurant, Houston's - the one in the Valley. I'd called Justin earlier and asked him to meet me here. I figured I was less susceptible to kicking his ass if other people were around.

As I approached his table, he smiled that famous smile and pulled me into an embrace. He has some kind of Hispanic look going on with his goatee and the big diamond studs. I like it. I have his new video for 'Rock Your Body' on TiVo.

"What's with the long face, babe?" I looked at him briefly, but said nothing. "Okay, so what's up," he finally questioned.

"Well," I looked off into the restaurant avoiding his gaze. "I wanna apologize for last night." I felt his weight shift in the booth and his head turn. "I know it's not like me to ever apologize," I continued, "But I know that if I had been remotely sober, I wouldn't have slept with you, so I'm sorry for - "

"Wait a minute," he interrupted. "We didn't sleep together."

"I'm sorry, what? I turned to finally face him.

"What what? We didn't have sex."

"We didn't?"

"If I remember correctly, we sat in your bed watching reruns of SouthPark until you fell asleep, and then I went home."

"You're lying!" I exclaimed, hitting him in the arm.

He furrowed his brown in confusion. "You really were f***ed up, huh?"

"Oh, God. You have no idea how freakin' happy I am!" I hugged him again and wiped the pretend sweat from my forehead. Then I realized who I was sitting next to and my smile quickly faded.

"So you only wanted to talk because you thought we had sex?" he finally questioned.

"Well," I shrugged. "Yeah."

"Damn. I may do a lot of f***ed up sh**, but I would never take advantage of you like that," he winked. "I love you too much to do that."

My head snapped towards him at those three little words, but I regained enough composure to respond, "You shouldn't say things you don't mean, Justin."

At that moment, the waiter approached our table and took our order.

"What do you mean by that?" Justin inquired as our water arrived.

"I mean what I said."

"Well so did I."

"Justin, you don't love me and you know it."

"How could I not love you," he scoffed. "C, you're my first, last, one and only. You're it, girl."

I rolled my eyes and took a sip of my water. "Well I guess this little intervention was pointless," I announced, sliding right on out of the large table.

"Where are you going?" He looked confused and damn near hurt.

"Back home," I replied tersely. "I have a huge headache and I just really wanna go lay down."

"Don't go." His sapphire eyes pleaded with my own. "Just have lunch with me?" He patted the open space next to him. "Let's chat."

"Justin, I'm not coming with you on your stupid tour."

He sighed loudly. "Just f***in' sit down, please."

I reclaimed the seat beside him. "I'm only doing this because I'm hungry." I looked at him and couldn't help but smile. His goofy ass is hard not to laugh at.

"Hungry for that Trousersnake, huh?"

"That name is terrible," I told him. "Where'd they come up with that?"

"The British are weird," he shrugged. "Once I start going over there more, they'll see me for who I am."

"Would that be the lying, conniving wannabe pimp, or the sniveling, whiny mama's boy?"

"Ouch," he hissed. "And the gloves come off!" He did his best to maintain a smile as our food arrived. "By the way, I never got the opportunity to thank you for showing up to my birthday party last month."

"Hey, what's better than free food and drunk celebrities?"

"Free food, drunk celebrities and watching Brit leave crying."

"That wasn't cool," I shot back. "You have to stop playin' with people's emotions like that."

"What? Like I did to you," he smirked, inhaling a forkful of salad.

"Yeah, exactly."

He looked up from his plate, seeing that I'd quickly grown serious. "Oh come on, girl. You know you wanted out of that relationship even more than I did." He nudged my thigh. "That's if you could even call it that."

Well sh**, I called it my first true love. Talk about two sides of the same story. "Yeah," I replied in oblivion.

"Honestly," he began, "I think that was the most intense relationship I've ever been in. I didn't know what else to do but move on."

I beg to differ. "I guess you're right. At least you got a nice little run with Britney out of it, afterwards."

He laughed loudly, throwing his head back. "You know, after dealing with that, I realized that the dumbest thing I ever did was walk away from us."

"Well hey, this way, you've managed to make a solo career out of your heartache. I had to keep my pain private so that you could maintain your sh**."

"What? No you didn't," he countered.

"Justin," I looked at him sarcastically, "How would it look if I came out with my little story when you announce that you're freakin' head over heels for my homegirl?" I finally started picking at my steak as he contemplated what I'd said.

"So," he finally started, after much deliberation, "In other words, you were protecting me, huh?"

"No," I frowned.

"Yes."

"No," I repeated softly. "Well…"

"You were," he smiled. "You love me, don't you?"

"No," I quickly retorted.

"You don't have to admit it. I know you do." He kissed the side of my face and returned to his meal. "If it helps any, I loved you then, I love you now, and I always will."

"That does absolutely nothing for me."

"Don't front."

"I'm not!" I brushed him off of me and glared in his direction. "What reason - "

"So I was thinking," he interrupted, "What do you think about starting somethin' up again?"

I dropped my fork and damn near choked on my baked potato. "What?"

"You heard me," he answered, nonchalantly.

"I hope I heard you incorrectly."

"Don't f*** with me."

"Justin, you can't be serious."

"And why not?"

"We're just - we're not there anymore," I said awkwardly.

"Well wherever we need to be, let's get there."

"Get real, Justin."

"I'm being real. What's wrong with giving us another try?" he asked calmly. "A real try."

"You're being crazy," I stated dismissively.

"Ma, I'm serious. For four years, I've been running from the feelings I have for you, and basically, I'm sick of it. I know I f***ed up big time --"

Try again, honey. He f***ed up huge time. "Well the feeling - "

"But I know you feel it too," he ignored me. "Don't act like I'm the only one that's in love at this table."

This time, I almost choked on my water. "What," I said, through multiple coughs.

He narrowed his cooky eyebrows at me and winked. "There's my confession. Now, it's your turn."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

[b]I can't meet
Losing sleep over this
No, I can't


Did he really tell me that he was in love with me? No, it can't be. Not after all this time. Not after four years of essentially ignoring me and saying that I was 'just a friend.'

But he did say it, didn't he?

And now I cannot stop pacing
Give me a few hours
I'll have this all sorted out
If my mind would just stop racing


After the insane lunch with Justin, I came home with the same unrelenting headache that I left with, and laid down for a couple of hours. I hoped that this hangover would have a little mercy on me.

'Cause I cannot stand still

I tried to sleep away my confusion. I prayed that my dreams would find a logical answer to this mess, but I guess that would verge on an oxymoron, wouldn't it? - A dream that solidifies what you'd like to be reality.

I can be this unsturdy

He's in love with me? He's in love with me. Justin Randall Timberlake. Justin. My Justin. The guy I've been feelin' since the day we met - twelve freakin' years ago. He's in love with me!

This cannot be happening

But now, he wants to make this into a 'thing.' I can do undercover flings, but 'things' I'm not so good at. Could it be that I'm scared?

This is over my head
But underneath my feet


No. Hell no, I'm not scared. What is there to be scared of? Justin? Or the playboy inside of him? Commitment? Or getting hurt again? Yeah, it's possible, but I'm not worried about that. This is my shot. It's my chance to hit this one over the fence and out of the park. I don't have to run. The game is over, and I won.

'Cause by tomorrow morning
I'll have this thing beat


My God, what am I saying? It's the headache talking, I swear. I don't even like him. How can I love him? He makes me sick. I'll just call him and tell him no. I don't want a relationship with him. I want nothing to do with Justin freakin' Timberlake.

And everything will be back to the way that it was

If there's one thing I don't want, it's a cocky pop star on my hands. Someone that thinks he owns the world doesn't impress me.

I wish that it was just that easy

But he's not just a cocky pop star. He's Justin. Inside, he's the same country old soul that he was when we met, and somehow, he grew into a breathtakingly confident man. Someone that knows where he's going and what he's doing in life. He knows what he wants out of it. He would lay down his life - and his heart - for the person he loves. He pours his spirit into everything he does. The truth is, I admire him. Shoot, that’s a lot more than I can say for myself right now.

He's the guy I always knew I could count on - if I wasn't too smug to ask. He doesn't intentionally hurt people. In fact, he helped me. He's the one man that showed me that love doesn't always have to turn into a dramatic course of events. It can be just as simple as meeting someone and bonding with them. It's possible that it's just as easy as falling for a good friend, as if slipping into a dream. And he let me do that. He's willing to let me do it again. I guess it's just up to me.

Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in?

I had no idea what I was doing, but I hopped out of bed, and headed straight for my car. I absolutely hate driving in L.A., but no one else was around, and I can't take any chances with letting my happiness slip away this time. This time, I'm ready.

I pulled up to Justin's insanely large estate, cursing myself for not knowing the code to his security gates. I wanted to surprise him, but, instead I pressed the 'call' button and waited. And waited… And waited.

Almost two hours later, after listening to the same songs play over and over again on the radio, and almost falling asleep numerous times, I heard the sound of a loud horn behind me.

Don't be surprised if I collapse at your feet again
I don't want to run away from this


I got out of my car to face Justin's, while he sat there smiling. I motioned for him to come to me, after mouthing the words "I love you."

He opened his door, but hesitated before getting out. He stood from his seat and asked, "Is this a joke? Is Ashton Kutcher gonna pop out of the bushes again?"

"You wish." I laughed, walking towards him. “Come here!â€￾

"So, we're gonna give it a try, huh?"

'Cause I cannot stand still
I can be this unsturdy
This cannot be happeneing


I nodded slowly, looking around his neighborhood. "I guess so. I can't make any promises-"

"I'm not asking you to."

"You know that it's gonna be crazy, right?"

He smiled, pulling me closer to him, wrapping his strong arms around my small waist. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

'Cause I'm waiting for tonight
Been waiting for tomorrow


He looked down at me and I looked up to him, boring my eyes into his. Those eyes - they say nothing and everything all at once. Open, they express all the contradictory emotions that are bottled up inside. Closed, they shut out the world. With the blink of an eye, you can progress from the real world to your world.

And I'm somewhere in between

Or a world that you never thought existed. The last time I closed my eyes, I lost him.

What is real

I’d never blink again if it meant that I could remain in his world.

Just a dream

God, between this morning and this afternoon, I did a totally 180, didn’t I?

What is real
Just a dream


Damn that Justin. He’s still a smooth motherf***er.</span>

The end

Story 5

*note to reader: the dialog has no quotations, or indentations. Sorry if its hard to grasp.

Illusions of the Heart



I can't meet
Losing sleep over this
No I can't
And now I cannot stop pacing
Give me a few hours
I'll have this all sorted out
If my mind would just stop racing





I remembered that day so well. The way he looked at me, and into my eyes. I swear I’ve seen you before. You sure. Oh yeah, you look so familiar. I get that a lot, he laughed. Well it was nice meeting you. Wait, you didn’t even ask me what my name was. I was that oblivious you see. I’m sorry, what’s you name. It’s Justin. Hi, I’m Teresa. I smiled, and he returned the gesture. Care for a cup of coffee?

The coffee was not like any other kind, it was expensive. Strong, but nevertheless amazing. He took a sip of his latte, and we talked. Talked of simple, silly things. And never did we come across ‘him’.



I spent my hours shifting from school to the hospital. Hospital work was my job: tending to patients, and listening to doctors’ orders. Finally I came home, and there was that message. Hey it’s Justin, I’m in the mood for another coffee. Care to join? Call me back soon.



I melted at the near sound of his laugh. Just sitting at a table with him, my knees grew weak. I barely knew the man sitting in front of me. He was so utterly amazing. Immaculate teeth, piercing blue eyes, and the charm, he was a pure gentleman. I’m glad you came. I am too. The silence within the air we breathed wasn’t awkward, it was inviting. Let’s leave, he grabbed my hand.

Suddenly, a man swerved to the right of me with a camera in his hand. He began to snap pictures, and he did not stop. Something wasn’t right. We continued to walk towards Justin’s car. But it was still the same man. Around the corner, another one popped up. Snap, snap. My ears aching, my eyes closed trying to avoid the blinding flashes.

Finally we made it to the car, and drove off. Sorry, he said. What was that? I had a thousand questions dangling through my mind. Paparazzi, he scoffed. What, wait, you mean. I didn’t even want to ask. Yeah, I’m famous he stated blatantly. And this was reality. My fantasy dream guy, some big star. That’s okay right. I didn’t answer. If you have a problem with it, I don’t blame you, the spotlight isn’t that glamorous. I sighed, he was more than I could ever ask for. But why me, this small town nobody girl I asked. Cause you’re beautiful, and simple, and normal, something I have been longing for he said sincerely.

…And that was how we met. I, the ordinary girl with the famous guy. Had I known he was Justin Timberlake from the get go, things would have been different. I would have never laid another eye on him, and would walk away if he asked me for coffee. Was I just his flavor of the month. I didn’t know…yet my curiosity was lingering. I needed to know what hid beneath his smile, and laughter. Was there more I could be apart of. Then he called one night, I never expected him to call back. I’ll make you dinner he persuaded me. I hesitantly agreed. Okay it’s a date, wear something nice.



I wore a strapless summer dress, nothing gorgeous. I entered his house, and found myself breathless. Wow. It was spacious, each room perfectly decorated, and just like how I thought it would be. He had candles lit and the kitchen smelled so good. This was surreal. Dinner, dessert and the music played. Marvin Gaye, he said. He pulled me off the chair and we danced beside the fireplace. I’m dreaming, I whispered. He pulled the hair off my face, no you’re not. And we kissed, our worlds collided and I felt my future on his lips.



Cause I cannot stand still
I can be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening



Weeks passed by, and I had fallen off the face of the earth. In a place unknown, a place of eternal bliss. I was not in love, could not be in love. It was too quick, yet I felt helpless, and gone. How could I fall so hard. I felt as though we were all heart and soul, and if he left my world, I would collapse. This was me, the cynical girl who never believed in love. Who did not want to be dependent on a boy, or on love. Here I was falling… madly, hopelessly, uncontrollably in… love.





Weeks turned into months, everything seemed fine. We were lost in each other. My perception on the world quickly changed. Every smile and laugh was contagious, and I knew why. But every love story had its dark side, and mine was looming in the corner.

I hated his celebrity lifestyle; all that meant being in front of a camera. I couldn’t bare to look at photos of us together. The paparazzi hounded us every time we went out. It got to the point that they would photograph me when I was alone, just because I was “Justin Timberlake’s girlfriend.â€￾ Then the whole trust issue came about. I would see photos of him with other girls, and I won’t lie, I got jealous. If we had any fights, it was because I was the culprit. Justin on the other hand, was the one who tried to appease the situation.

In the end, I knew I had to make a decision. There are always two kinds of people who fall in the love: the rights and the wrongs. Somewhere along the line, I found out that Justin was one of the wrongs. We were completely wrong for each other. Nothing in our relationship made sense except the fact that we loved each other. I was on the other side of the tracks, a college student studying premed and I was broke. He was a showbiz boy, got his heartbroken by Britney Spears, and was a multimillionaire. It didn’t fit logic, but then again was love even logic?

Finally I made my decision. We had been together for six months, which in actuality did not seem that long. I knew it was now or never.

The crowd cheered as he began to sing another song. I sat next to his mother who watched intently at her son. This was how my Friday nights were usually spent. He loved doing private shows, tonight we were home in L.A. He would put on a good show, but after awhile the whole show got repetitive. Tonight, I didn’t try to mask my boredom. I guess it was less than obvious, as I was more interested in my cellphone then him. At the end of the night, I knew he was peevish. He gave me a cold stare, and I knew I was going to have it. Did you have to stare at that thing the whole damn time? Can’t you pretend to have a good time? If you don’t like my shows, then don’t come. I’m tired of this, I’m going to bed, and the door slammed. I stood speechless. I gave him his space and fell asleep on the couch.

Hi sleepy head, he kissed my neck. My eyes opened to the sight of his face. He’s in a good mood, I thought to myself. He ran his fingers through my hair, then my shirt, and a light bulb went up. So this is what he wants. We began to kiss, as his hands traveled down my body. I pulled away, kissed him on the cheek and walked away. I couldn’t help it, a part of me wanted to be a b****. But I knew Justin better than that; he didn’t take no for an answer. He grabbed me, and put me on his lap. I love you, he said. So did that mean he forgave me for last night? I guess he had to if he wanted any ass whatsoever. I caved in, and we made passionate love. I kissed him one final time, and then pleaded to take a shower. I had wasted entire day in bed with him, an entire day. What am I saying, it was amazing.

I didn’t want to anticipate this day. Something came over me that night, and told me I had to do this. I knew I was just pulling myself into a deeper hole just by waiting. Waiting for what? To breakup something that was good, to break someone else’s heart. A part of me wanted to believe I was making a mistake. I sat in the hotel room, growing nervous with every second. I didn’t know how he would react. I didn’t want to imagine. And he walked into the room, and I became silent. Words echoed throughout my brain, but not a single sound was uttered. He gave me a kiss, one look and he knew something was wrong. What’s the matter, he asked. I..I…, I was stuttering. I was barely audible to begin with, but now he couldn’t even understand me. I didn’t even prepare what I was about to say, and blurted it out “I want to breakup.â€￾ He didn’t say a word. He was shocked, and confused. Heck, I was confused. He didn’t even argue with me about it. All he said was ‘Fine’ and walked out. Did I hurt him that much, or did he even care. Maybe he was cheating on me, and now he was finally happy I dumped him. Whatever it was, I knew inside I was dying.



This is over my head
But underneath my feet
Cause by tomorrow morning I'll have this thing beat
And everything will be back to the way that it was
I wish that it was just that easy



I was drowned in sorrow. Who knew dumping someone could feel this bad. I think it hurt more that he was emotionless. Maybe I wanted him to burst into fury, or at least plead to not end our relationship. I drove back to college, every song on the radio sparked some memory of him. I couldn’t contain myself, and every time a sad love song came on, I cried. But then I remembered that cliché, “all good things must come to an end.â€￾ I tried to think positively, it was the only way I was going to get through this. There were no phone calls anymore. Justin Timberlake became a faded memory. All I knew him was as was my ‘ex’. A part of me missed him, a part of me hated him for never keeping in touch, and a part of me hated me for breaking the only good thing in my life. Nothing was the same again, and going back to the ordinary life wasn’t easy. Did Hollywood forget me that easily? No, paparazzi chased me around for awhile. But after our breakup was announced, there were no more men hiding in the bushes. Sometimes I wish there were.

So people ask, what was it like being Justin Timberlake’s girlfriend. I would say, it was an amazing experience, I wouldn’t change it for the world. It was good as long as it lasted, but nothing lasts forever. That’s what I would say.



Cause I'm waiting for tonight
Been waiting for tomorrow
I'm somewhere in between
What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream



Do you take Teresa to be your loftily wedded wife?

I do.

And do you Teresa, take Justin to be your loftily wedded husband?

I do.

In the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife.

You may now kiss the bride.

The people in the church cheered as we kissed, we were finally married. Suddenly someone pushed me from behind,



Move! Huh? Can you move please, you’re holding up the line. Uh, oh sorry. Another daydream, I’ve been having too many. I waited in line at Starbucks, the line was so long. I blamed Justin for getting me addicted to the coffee, and every time I came here it was another reminder of him.



Suddenly, everybody started hollering and girls started to scream behind me. Just as I was about to tell them to shut up, I heard a girl yell “oh my God it’s Justin,â€￾ I kept my mouth shut. Was it really him? I saw him walk in, he wore a cap and glasses. He was with two bodyguards, and didn’t look too pleased. I wonder if he’d even say hi, but he walked right past me and to the front counter to pick up his drinks. Right before he exited, he looked at me and left. Wow, that burned. I wanted to go after him, at least say hello, just to hear him say something, just one time. But I was kidding myself, and there was no way I was going to wait in this line all over again. I had no way of contacting him, because shortly after we broke up he changed his number. All that lay between us was thin air.

I got my coffee, and started walking towards the library. Then I saw him again, he was with a blonde girl. A familiar blonde girl, and my heart stopped when I finally figured out who it was. Cameron Diaz. It was definitely her, he was laughing with her and I just stared. I’m happy for him, I told myself and walked on. How convenient their car was parked right near the library, and as they walked to it, I trotted right behind. I could just imagine the tabloid headlines, ‘ex girlfriend stalks Timberlake’. I heard Cameron hiss, ‘that girl is following us.’ Justin turned right in my direction, and my head fell to the floor. Wait one sec, baby he told her. He began to approach me, and I pretended to not notice and ran into the store on my left. Well he wasn’t that stupid, and he came in and acted like I was some stalking fan, before I knew it we were arguing. Ma’am, please stop following us. Did he just call me ma’am? I’m not following you, I injected pretending to look at a pair of shirts. Yeah you were, you’ve been right behind us. Oh you’re right, because it’s not possible that we are going to the same exact place, I sarcasm. He sighed, where are you going? To the library, I stated. What for. Why was he being so nosy? Why do you care. Just asking. Well don’t ask, Justin. Why are you following me around? I’m not, I’m going to the library. I don’t buy that bullsh**. His voice was low, he was fully aware of the store clerk watching us. Well then don’t, I don’t care. You’re f***ing obsessed. What? I hissed. Yes, you’re obsessed with me. You broke up with me, but you don’t stop calling people to get my number and now you’re following me around. I laughed hysterically, was he that serious. I’m sorry Justin I wanted to be friends with you, if there’s something wrong with that then sue me. But right now, I have to study for finals so bye. I left without looking back.



C’mon push, push you’re almost there baby. He holds my hand tightly.

Teresa, just push once more, I’ve got the baby’s head.

The baby cries loudly.

It’s a girl!

Justin looks over and smiles at me. We have a baby girl now. I hold the baby in my arms, and I kiss her. Justin kisses me on the lips, and says I love you.



I love you too, I mumble. Someone shakes my shoulder really hard, and suddenly I’m back where I don’t want to be. You were falling asleep, Carmen said. Yeah what else is knew, I reply. The library was now bombarded with students studying for finals. As much as school seemed important, I couldn’t take this. I grabbed my books, and exited the library. It had been a few weeks since I saw Justin. That memory was still indented in my brain. It was getting dark, and as I roamed around to find my car, I stumbled on something. I nearly fell over, until someone caught my fall.

Hey, you okay? I’m fine what was that, I asked. He picked it up, what looked like a stick, and flicked it into the bushes. Be careful, he chuckled. I will, I thanked him and opened my car. I pretended I didn’t recognize who he was, but I knew very well. I took a deep breathe, and decided I’d talk to him. I turned around and saw him in the far off distance, he was with a group of people. Out of breathe, I caught up with them. Trace? He turned around, yeah? Do you... uh think I could have Justin’s number? I didn’t even realize how silly I sounded, all the people in the back began to laugh. Please, I whispered, I need to talk to him. I’m not allowed to give out his number, I mean I don’t even know you. He didn’t remember me – was I that much of a blind figure in Justin’s life? It’s me, Teresa. Teresa who? I sighed. Hey, I’m just kidding I know who you are. Look, I’ll give you his number as long as you don’t say it was from me, deal? I nodded contently. Alright, its 350-143-6423 I scribbled it on my hand.

I dialed the number on my cell phone and waited as it ringed. One ring, two rings, ‘hello?’ Justin, it’s me Teresa. How did you get this number? Never mind that, I need to talk to you…in person. Well I’m busy right now. You can’t spare yourself one hour, I’ll buy you coffee, my treat I offered. He sighed over the phone, I suppose so. Same place? He was referring to café where we first met. Yeah, I replied.



Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in
Dont be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again
I don't want to run away from this
I know that I just don't need this



I waited at the table we first met, and drank the same coffee. It was a strange feeling, as if time was moving backwards. He walked in, with no disguise on. He looked tired, and beat up; I could tell he didn’t want to be here. As he sat down, I thought I would see the man I had once fallen in love with: piercing blue eyes, a smile that made me melt, and his charm. But instead he was replaced with a man with no spark in his eye, no smile, just another ordinary guy. He awkwardly said hello and sat down. He avoided eye contact when he talked to me, and every few minutes he would look at his watch.

I don’t want things to be like this between us. I want us to be friends. He finally looked me in the eyes, and I thought for a moment he would break. But instead he shook his head, and said I don’t want us to be friends. I had nothing left to say, and we sat in a silence I had grown home to. One that I wish I could run away from, and far away. Why was I here in the first place. To ask for his friendship when I knew he would say no. Inside I knew I needed him, and I could not let myself go until I tried. Tears swelled up in my eyes, but I fought off the feelings. I’m sorry I wasted your time, I said wiping the tear that fell off my cheek. It was near dark outside, and it began to rain. My hair soaked up as I waited for a cab. And I let myself give into the pain, and the water droplets streamed down uncontrollably. Suddenly I felt a hand grasp onto my shoulder. Come on, I’ll give you a ride. He took my hand, and put me in his car. He wiped the tears from my face. Why do you do this to me Teresa, why. I never fell in love so hard with anybody like I did with you. But you didn’t want me, and I knew that. And now you’re back here wanting my friendship, when I can barely live without you. I’m trying to move on, and when I finally can, you come back. I’m a mess, he ran his fingers through my hair. He was crying, I had made him cry.



Cause I cannot stand still
I can be this unsteady
This cannot be happening



Please don’t cry Justin, I pleaded. He kissed my hand, I kissed him. I love you, I whispered. He said it back, and we let ourselves drift away. We were elated, and in each others’ arms for awhile. I rested my head on his shoulder, and we kissed again. I turned on the radio,

It seems like I can finally
Rest my head on something real
I like the way that feels
Ohhhh
It’s as if you know me better
Than I ever knew myself
I love how you can tell
Ohhhh
I love how you can tell
Ohhhh
I love how you can tell
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me

As Justin drove home, the rain began to pour faster and faster. Suddenly the car skid, and went out of control. The next thing I knew, I felt my body go numb. I touched my head, I was bleeding. Justin held me tightly, and kept telling me to hold on. Hold on to what? He told me he loved me, I tried to say it back but it was too hard. My legs were hurting, everything began to go blurry. Then slowly everything faded away, I could not see his face. He shook me, but my eyes began to close. I gasped for my last breathe, I love you I mouthed. Don’t leave me he said. What was he talking about? I had fallen into another dream I thought, I closed my eyes, waiting to wake again.



Cause I'm waiting for tonight
Been waiting for tomorrow
And I'm somewhere in between
What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream
What is real just a dream



Justin watched as Teresa was put into an ambulance. He watched as the doctors tried to bring her back to life. But there was no use, she was gone. He walked down the hospital hallways with the memory of her still in his heart. Somewhere in between he hoped that it was just a dream. A dream he could awake from, and see her face again. But as he called her cell phone, there was no answer on the other end. As knocked on her apartment door, no one opened the door. And as he sat at the café everyday, she never walked in. Yet he still ordered her favorite coffee, hoping that one day she’d come back and pay him a visit. That one day she would come back to him and they would finish where they left off.

__________________________________________________





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tendertoes
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Postby tendertoes » Mon Jun 14, 2004 1:18 pm

And last but definitely not least ...the last two entries!

Story 6

Sleeping To Dream

Outside the sky was a mixture of colours and it looked as though it had been
painted with purples and reds, as though a great paintbrush had swept over
the earth leaving a masterpiece behind that will never hang in and art
gallery to be viewed and forgotten.
And it was the moon that stood above it all but the sun had left its heat in
the sand giving its warmth to her flesh as she walked across its surface,
tracing her movements with the imprints left by her feet in its skin.
She looked up at the moon in the sky just to see that it was still shining
brightly above her, watching, waiting, whispering it’s secrets to the stars.
She spoke to it quietly words from her past as she watched the birds dart
across the sky, their black silhouettes dipping and diving across its purple
canvas.
A few hours later and the artist was painting a different picture, shrugging
on his dark cloak that brought the sky its rich black tones as the last of
the purple was wiped out by one final stroke of the nights brush.
And just like rain from above, stars had fallen from the heavens, scattering
the sky like fairy lights across a darkened room.
As she breathed in the salty scent that sea gave off she remembered a poem
she’d heard a long, long time ago and it echoed in her mind like a shout in
the distance.

As she walked along the beach and over the last sand dune
She stared down into the dark ocean and saw in it the moon
As she looked more closely it appeared crumpled and deflated
She watched the waves crash over it as she stood and she waited
She heard footsteps coming from behind her cross over the sand
She turned to him and reached for the comfort of his hand
She looked up at him desperately trying not to let herself cry
And asked “Daddy, why did the moon choose to leave the sky?â€￾

I can't meet
Losing sleep over this
No I can't
And now I cannot stop pacing

Elsewhere a young man is making circles round his room, like a hawk circling
it’s prey. As he paces up and down the room he runs his long fingers through
the tight blonde curls that rest neatly upon his head.

Give me a few hours
I'll have this all sorted out
If my mind would just stop racing

He can’t make up his mind what to do. He’s in love with his best friend and
he’s not supposed to be.

Cause I cannot stand still
I can be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening

You might off heard of him. His name is Justin something. Justin Timberlake?
That might be it. But right now that’s not what matters, what matters is
that for once he’s not in control. He’s in love with a girl he didn’t think
he ever would be and he isn’t sure if she’s in love with him. And even if
she is, is it right for them to cross the friendship boundaries to become
lovers?

Similar thoughts to this echo in his mind while he wonders where she is in
this moment.

This is over my head

She looks up at the moon above her and wonders if he can see the moon where
he is.

But underneath my feet

As she dips her feet in the sand, feeling it fall between her toes.

Cause by tomorrow morning I'll have this thing beat
And everything will be back to the way that it was

He’s wondering if he shouldn’t say anything at all, scared to risk their
friendship.

I wish that it was just that easy

But he still can feel her within him; her presence won’t leave him even when
they are miles apart. And he wishes more than anything he could draw in the
scent of her perfume and run his fingers through her hair.

Cause I'm waiting for tonight

His tired legs draw him to the bed but he knows if he falls asleep tonight
he will only dream of her.

Been waiting for tomorrow

He drowns in dreams of her but knows that tomorrow when he wakes things will
return to normal. And all the time he will be fighting the temptation to
touch her.

I'm somewhere in between

As he lay there frustrated he felt for the radio switch on his alarm clock.
He caught a glimpse of the time and sighed. It was 3am. He fiddled with it
till he found a station. The music faded into the distance till he picked
out the words the ‘’ was saying. “There you go folks, hope you enjoyed that
tune. That was Lifehouse’s, ‘Somewhere In Between’ and they…â€￾ But he didn’t
hear anything else, as his mind wrapped around the three words: Somewhere.
In. Between. And realised that’s exactly where he is, somewhere in between.
Stuck between like and love. He can’t ignore his feelings but if things
don’t work out he can’t ignore his pain either. But as he drifted into more
dreams of her he knew he wouldn’t be able to stay in that place that rests
somewhere in between and he’d have to make a decision soon whether to be
friends or more than.

What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream

“Justin?â€￾ she turned around.
He smiled.
She ceased shivering as she felt the comfort of his body next to hers and it
was as if this had calmed the sea too, as its waves disappeared into it’s
now still surface. And like a mirror it reflected their image and she liked
what she saw.
She hadn’t sensed him coming, as if he’d just fallen from the heavens above,
the moonlight mimicking her thoughts, shining down on his head like a halo.

What is real

She slipped on the sand and knew she would fall. Her hands flailing at her
sides like a windmill. “Help me!â€￾ she reached out for his hand but he stood
back and watched her fall saying nothing at all. She could feel tears
falling down her cheeks, the only warmth against her cold skin.

Just a dream

She sat up suddenly, looking around for him but he was nowhere to be found.
She stopped looking as she realised he never had been there. She was lying
in the sand alone. But one thing from her dream was real, the tears that
stained her cheeks. But there was something new, a feeling deep down that
was starting to surface.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Justin I don’t know what is wrong with you but you can’t cancel a tour
because you ‘have a feeling’. Do you want me to come out there? I could be a
familiar face in the crowdâ€￾
Your face wouldn’t be the one I would need to see in that crowd he thought
but instead just said, “No Mom it’s okâ€￾
“Well if you’re sure. The tour will be over soon and you can come home, get
away from it all for a while. Is Trace with you?â€￾
“Yeahâ€￾ he replied, silently comforted by the sound of his Mother’s voice,
the Southern tone to it making him think of home.
“And what does he say?â€￾ she asked.
“Same thingâ€￾ he mumbled down the phone.
“You see, you’re Mom is always rightâ€￾
“Yeah yeah Momma, talk to you later. Love youâ€￾
“I love you too sweetie, put on a good show all right!â€￾

“JC?â€￾
“Hey J, what is it?â€￾
“I just wanna know if you agree with something my Mom said…â€￾

Turns out he did agree. He wondered if he had told them the real reason what
their thoughts would have been. But he couldn’t tell them he loved her
because she had to be the first one to know.

“Justin, it’s time to get to going, we’re all ready to go just waiting for
you nowâ€￾
“Yeah, you know what I’m just go in my own carâ€￾
“Are you sure that’s a good idea? Do you wanna take a bodyguard with you?â€￾
“I’ll be fine on my ownâ€￾ he nodded.
“You know I’m thinking it’ll be safer on the tour busâ€￾
“Honestly I just need to do this, I’ll be fine, um, I’ll go a crazy route
that the fans won’t be able to followâ€￾
“I don’t know, I think we should just get you on the tour bus and…â€￾
“Honestly man, I just wanna get in my car and make my way there on my own,
honestly, it’ll be fineâ€￾
“I can’t change your mind?â€￾
His eyes fell to the floor, “Only one person could, and she’s not hereâ€￾

He switched on the car radio surprised at the song that was being played, he
laughed to himself.

Hop in the car and go with me
You don't have to pack everything
Don't you wanna feel the breeze?
And forget everything, baby

He changed to another station but did not expect to hear what was playing so
much so it caused him to pull over to the side of the road. He got out of
the car and started to pace again.

‘Cause I'm waiting for tonight
Been waiting for tomorrow
I'm somewhere in between…’

It was at the moment he decided there was only one thing to do, he got back
in the car but instead of heading to the concert venue he sped along the
road towards the coast.

Back in Memphis Lynn Harless, Justin’s Mom was flicking through the channels
trying to find a movie to watch. Anything to take her mind of her son, she
wished she could put her finger on what it was but all she sensed was
something wasn’t right with him. Normally she just knew but this time it was
different. She flicked past MTV then decided to go back to it thinking she
caught a glimpse of her son. It was MTV news, she wondered what it was this
time, some new ridiculous rumour perhaps.

“Justin Timberlake has cancelled his show tonight in California just hours
before he was set to perform on the stage at the…â€￾
The control slipped out of her hand and landed with a thud onto the carpet
at her feet. She shifted herself till she was perched on the edge of the
couch, turning up the volume.
“The only comment the star would make was that he ‘will reschedule the show
for as soon as possible’, he ‘apologies sincerely to all his amazing fans’
and asks them to be patient, promising one hell of a show in return. He also
added, “I have to go get something that I left behindâ€￾. What that means, who
knows? Maybe he forgot his concert ticket. I just wanna say Justin if you’re
watching - it’s your show, you don’t need one buddy!â€￾

Lynn reached down for the remote that was sitting at her feet, pointed it at
the TV to mute the sound and stared blankly at the images flashing before
her on the screen. She signed, “Oh Justin, I wish you’d tell me what’s going
on…â€￾

She woke with a start to find that it was eleven at night. Her dreams had
been all about Justin. Worried she went straight to the phone but before she
began to dial any number she noticed a message. “Mom?â€￾ It was Justin. “I
hope you’re not mad at me. I’m sorry but I realised I had to do something
important and it was now or never. Either way no matter what happens, you’ll
know soon. Honestly… I’m sorryâ€￾

And it was in that moment she realised that it could only be about one
thing, a girl. How could she not have known? It’s always about the girl.

Meanwhile Justin was still in his car, with every mile under his belt he
knew he was getting closer to the girl. And out of the corner of his eye he
could she the moon following him, thinking to himself it too wanted to see
how this was going to play out.

He pulled up outside the summerhouse and breathed in. He knocked softly on
the door but there was no reply. He tried again but still nothing. He
reached for the door handle turned it to the right and the door swung open.
He took one step inside and the smell of her perfume consumed him. He
smiled.
“Justin?â€￾ He turned round.
He smiled.
“What… what are you doing here? I thought you had a concert tonight!â€￾
“I didâ€￾
“You did?â€￾
“But I had to come here, I forgot somethingâ€￾
“You came all the way here because you forgot something? I mean there’s a
pair of your old boxers here, I hope you don’t mind that I’ve been wearing
them…â€￾ she paused, blushed and then continued to ramble on, “… you know
they’re just comfy that’s all, oh and your sunglasses are in the right hand
drawer, not that I pay that much attention to everything that’s yours or
you.. Haha… she laughed nervously, “but you didn’t come back for them did
you, no no… I guess not but I mean…â€￾
“‘’‘’ Shhh!â€￾
“Sorryâ€￾ she smiled, “You just surprised me turning up here…â€￾
“Let’s get some airâ€￾ he suggested.
She nodded and so he followed her lead. They sat down on the sand and he’d
never been anywhere so beautiful with someone so beautiful…
“So what did you come back for?â€￾
“Youâ€￾
She opened her mouth the closed it again apparently rendered speechless.

Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in

“I came here because I need you to know that I love you. And even if I ever
stop loving you in the way I do right now, I think you should know. If
things change I’d hope you’d still be here to hold me upâ€￾

Don’t be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again

“I’ve put my heart down on the tracks and the train is comingâ€￾

I don't want to run away from this

This time she had found words, “I think I love you too but…â€￾
“But?â€￾

I know that I just don't need this

“I just don’t know if I need this… if it doesn’t work… I don’t think my
heart can take any more of thisâ€￾
“Don’t you think it’s worth the risk?â€￾
“Can I think about it? Is it ok if I think about for a while?â€￾
“Ok… but don’t think too longâ€￾
“I won’tâ€￾ she smiled.
“I’ll be in the other room, if you’re not there with me by twelve I’ll take
it as you just want to stay friends and I’ll goâ€￾

Cause I cannot stand still
I can be this unsturdy

His room faced out onto the street and the rainwater made the streetlights
blurry. He sat on the window seat watching the rain slip down its surface.
His heart racing, praying she wouldn’t reject him. He started to pace again
and knew he wouldn’t stand still till it was all over. Trying hopelessly to
distract himself he lit candles all round the room and even across the floor
as if to make a path to guide her to him.

This cannot be happening

She let the rain soak her body hoping it would clear her mind. Behind the
grey clouds, a rainbow was just visible in the distance. And another memory
fell into her head as if like the rain, from the sky above.

As she walked along the pavement avoiding all the puddles
She looked at the people walking under umbrellas in huddles
She noticed one puddle that was underneath an exhaust pipe
This particular puddle was very different from any other type
It shone with oily colours: swirls of red, blue, yellow, and green
It caught her attention; it was unlike anything she’d ever seen
She stared up at her father and looked him right in the eyes
And said “Daddy, I see a dead rainbowâ€￾, much to his surprise

Justin breathed in then looked at the clock. 11.55. Was this it? He punched
at the wall then slid down against, tears falling from his own blue skies.

Cause I'm waiting for tonight

She was standing on the sand out in the rain. He walked outside and stood
next to her. “I can’t keep just sleeping to dream about you. It’s the only
way I’m close to you till I wake up and nothing’s changed and we’re still a
million miles apart in more ways than one. You have to decide so I can
change my dreamsâ€￾ he wiped a tear from his eye as he saw one fall from hers.
He made his way back to his room and stood there watching the door, not even
daring to blink. Watching the time change from 12 to 5 past, to 10 past, 20
past but he couldn’t find it in him to move. Just a little longer he kept
telling himself.

Been waiting for tomorrow

And he hoped more that anything in the world that tomorrow he’d wake up to
find her next to him.

And I'm somewhere in between

And in that moment when she appeared at the door it wasn’t quite today but
it wasn’t quite tomorrow either.

What is real

Her top was clinging to her skin and the rain had made it see through so
that he could see the pink of her bra shining through. The rain droplets
looked like beads of sweat dripping from every inch of her body and the
amber light from the street lamps gave her skin a bronze like tone. He found
himself tracing her curves and studying her lips, which were shimmering in
the pale light. Her hair was soaked from the rain but it had made it richer
color and the fact that curls were all tousled made it sexy to him.
Her green eyes were burning into him and every time she closed them her
golden eyelids glistened in the light. Her trousers fell away and the light
made her legs bronze too. The silence was so intense till it was broken as
they moved closer to one another and could hear each others breathing, loud
and rapid.
She felt his warm breath on the back of her neck as he moved behind her
tracing her body with his hands as he went. She gave a deep sigh as she
started to kiss her neck and she turned to face him. For a moment she was
ready to say something but he pressed his finger to her lips and she
remained as silent as ever. She slid her hands up upon his chest and
wrestled with his shirt till it too like her trousers, was lying on the
floor forgotten.
The hair underneath had dried and as he swept it back with his warm hands it
felt soft against her back. He could see her face clearly now and he leant
in to kiss her, pulling on her bottom lip. If either of them had been
nervous that feeling was lost in the moment they sank down in the sheets
below them. The rest of their clothes seemed to just fall off around them.
The carpet scratched at their skin and the candles were dangerously close
but they didn’t notice. He smiled reassuringly to check she was ok and she
smiled back. Outside the rain was still coming down as heavy as ever and it
sounded like bullets hitting the roof above them but that sound faded out as
the atmosphere between them changed and oozed all around them as they
disappeared once and for all under the covers.

Just a dream

He sat up sharply his eyes flashing open, awake from his dream.

What is real
Just a dream

Awake from his dream? Dream? Was it all just a dream?

What is real
Just a dream

But there lying next to him was a girl, drowning in her own dreams; he
smiled ready to go rescue her.

What is real

He reached for her hand and held it tightly within in his, closed his eyes
and slipped slowly back into his dreams to save his girl. His girl.

just a dream…

_________________________________________________________________


Story 7

What is Real

It would be hard to imagine life without love. I’d always thought that love gave life meaning and to have something that special in your life would make you the luckiest, not to mention, the happiest person alive. This is the kind of happiness that people write plays on; happiness so ridden with passion and ecstasy that there are periods of momentary blindness in which you see nothing going on in the world around you, except that love and all that it encompasses. However, no one ever talks about the pain which love brings though, sure Shakespeare wrote countless dramas on the topic, but where are the classes on that? They take young girls and boys into rooms and teach them about puberty and sex but where’s the class on how to deal with heartache? The one about what happens when your first love rips your heart out of your chest and does the Mexican hat dance on it? Obviously I missed that day of school, because perhaps if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t be where I am today.

I’m not saying I’ve become bitter, though I’m sure if you asked any of my friends, my moniker would be something in relation to that, bitter cynic, I’ve heard it all before. I don’t think so though, I’m just careful with my heart, with my emotions. I’m pretty sure I’ve concealed everything from everybody, maybe even myself.



This is over my head
But underneath my feet
Cause by tomorrow morning I'll have this thing beat
And everything will be back to the way that it was
I wish that it was just that easy



“You really need to go out more, it’s not good for your image when all the other guys are off clubbing and you’re sitting inside every night playing cards like an elderly woman,â€￾ Johnny said, arms crossed, foot turned out, looking stern.

“What you’re really saying is that I am not allowed to have a personal life; that every move I make is beneath microscope with one of those big, shiny lights and a strong lens. When I got into this, I wasn’t expecting how hard the fame was going to come to me, you have to give me some time,â€￾ he replied, looking around everywhere but in the eyes of his manager.

“Are you trying to tell me you want out?â€￾ Johnny asked, the stern look on his face changing to one of concern. Not that that concern was for him, for his well-being, it was for the image, it’s all about the group and nothing else, “Without you *NSYNC will never make it,â€￾ he added, dropping his arms to his sides.

“I’m not Justin, I’m not JC, I’m pretty sure you’d do fine without me. I hum every now and then, seriously, I have a speaking line once in a while, I’m not exactly an imperative piece of the puzzle here Johnny, who are you kidding?â€￾ he added.

“Lance, of course you are, it’s like your hand, every finger is just as important as the other, and without one, it would just be incomplete, it wouldn’t function the same way, the same goes for you.â€￾

“I’m pretty sure you could lop off a pinky and the hand would survive just fine,â€￾ Lance said, exasperated.

“But it wouldn’t look the same.â€￾



There it was, it’s all about how things look, right down to the last curly hair on Justin’s head. They’ve never cared about me, they just needed a fifth because they were in a bind, I’m sure they would have taken the next bassist they met on the street and cleaned him up had I not been available. Sometimes I feel like nothing.

I stay in at night while everyone else is off doing the night life thing because I don’t want to wake up tomorrow wondering where my underpants are and why I’m wearing a neon yellow thong instead. I also don’t want to walk outside to the newsstand and see pictures of me making out with random people, drunk off my ass, and making a fool of myself.

Plus, I’m not like the other guys. I don’t like hanging out where they hang out, and I doubt they’d ever want to come out with me. Joey, Justin, Chris, they are all in it to get laid, JC just goes to make friends, sometimes he even stays in and plays cards with me, you know, like an old woman. We always say that we are best friends, buddies, pals, but to be honest, I’m not sure they know anything aside maybe from my last name and my favorite color.

I feel sometimes, like I can’t be honest with them, and when I find myself feeling that way, it’s like I can’t be honest with myself. I’m not sure who I am sometimes, and that’s the hardest part because everyone expects me to know and to be able to explain it. I’m lost.

Finding myself living a dream, something that used to be a dream at least, now turning to a nightmare. It’s not that I regret any day I’ve lived, but it’s for those few that I didn’t live life to the fullest that I regret. I dream, and think back to when times were simple and wonder if that was the life I was meant to lead. Perhaps I was meant to be someone else all together.



Cause I'm waiting for tonight
Been waiting for tomoroow
I'm somewhere in between
What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream



“Dude, what are you doing? That girl is totally checking you out!â€￾ Joey says as I throw back a shot of vodka. I can feel the liquid burning as it travels down my throat. This is a sensation I’ve become familiar with in the last two or so years when I found out just how lonely life on the road is. What’s the point of a one night stand anymore?

“I’m drinking, what does it look like?â€￾ I manage to say, as I tap my empty shot glass and the bartender comes over with a half empty bottle. That, which I’m partially responsible for.

“Dance with her, come on, it’ll be fun,â€￾ Justin chimed in. Now I am starting to feel the effects of the alcohol. I can feel my mind getting cloudy and my vision is blurred. Feels like nothing around me is real, like my head is spinning, like I’m on some amusement park ride gone completely crazy.

“No, you guys dance, I’m too f***ed up,â€￾ I wave them off and they leave. Peace at least.

“That girl is checking you out,â€￾ the bartender winks at me as he fills the shot glass right to the brim.

“She’s not really my type,â€￾ I say just before I throw another shot back and feel the liquid splash against the back of my throat before I swallow it completely.

“I thought that kind of girl was every guy’s type,â€￾ he continues.

“Not mine,â€￾ I reply, rubbing my eyes, trying to make my vision come back, “I think I’m going to stumble up to bed, would you mind charging that to my room? I’m in 363,â€￾ I said as I wrote down the number on a napkin for him.

“No problem, have a good night sir.â€￾

“It’ll only be a good night if I don’t spend it playing Hi-Low Jack with my brother, there,â€￾ I say.



Cause I cannot stand still
I can be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening



I don’t really remember how I got up to my room that night, but as I felt my naked body slip between the sheets, I knew I couldn’t continue on like this.

I’m so unhappy.



I can't keep
Losing sleep over this
No I can't
And now I cannot stop pacing
Give me a few hours
I'll have this all sorted out
If my mind would just stop racing



I didn’t wake up this morning with a brand new happy outlook on life, but I did wake up with a plan. As I reached my arm over to the other side of the bed and found it empty, yet again, I came to the realization that by my immediate rejection of all of these women, I wasn’t going to find something that truly would make me happy; love.

The cold water washed over me as I showered and it came to me, just what to do. We had an interview that day and it would be the perfect time.

“So are the rumors true?â€￾ That question is so loaded and can be taken so many ways. Justin had his generic Britney-relationship answer, “Is Joey really a man whore?â€￾, “Are you guys single?â€￾, “Are you guys virgins?â€￾ I swear, all the questions make me sick. When the microphone came to me, however, the interviewer wasn’t expecting the honesty he was in for.

“So, Lance, you’ve been linked with Danielle Fishel, how are things going with your relationship?â€￾ he asked.

“We’re actually just friends,â€￾ I replied.

“Friends, right, but you guys date and stuff don’t you?â€￾

“No, actually we don’t, I’m not dating anyone right now… I’m gay.â€￾ I said it. Finally, I said it. No one even looked in my direction though, they interviewer didn’t say a word, he merely moved onto Justin and began grilling him about Britney’s tits. Didn’t anyone hear me? Am I just crying out in a crowded room and no one is even paying attention? I felt myself scream, I heard myself scream.



What is real
Just a dream


NEXT...VOTE!!
Yay, I'm so excited!!

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IDIDTHEJRT
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Postby IDIDTHEJRT » Mon Jun 14, 2004 2:56 pm

wow :)

OK yeah, I didn't get to read them all but so far so good B)

This is going to be hard

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justins bubbles
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Postby justins bubbles » Mon Jun 14, 2004 3:47 pm

<span style='color:blue'> :o That's a shiit load of fan fic. :lol:</span> :wacko:

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BabyBlue2578
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Postby BabyBlue2578 » Mon Jun 14, 2004 3:53 pm

:blink: No kidding, Miss I Have An Idea! :P I got through it all, and I must say, great work, ladies.

:whistle: I know which one Bubs wrote! :bootyshake:
I think I know which one everybody wrote, actually. :lol:

Good luck, y'all! :blowkiss:

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IDIDTHEJRT
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Postby IDIDTHEJRT » Mon Jun 14, 2004 4:06 pm

i know i kinda know too... well i think i do
lol after like we all vote and stuff we should like guess who wrote what :lol:

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AngelOfMusic
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Postby AngelOfMusic » Mon Jun 14, 2004 4:09 pm

Ok I just finished reading all of them and man they were all very good. This is going to be very difficult.

Good luck to all!

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whatchagot4meMRJT
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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Mon Jun 14, 2004 4:11 pm

I see that I have plenty of reading to do tomorrow! :nod: :yay:

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tendertoes
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Postby tendertoes » Mon Jun 14, 2004 6:02 pm

<span style='color:purple'>I knwo who wrote them..I know who wrote them! LMAO!!

I still have to finish reading them though...eekkk!
Vote once you read!!
Maybe tomorrow night...24 hours from now can be the deadline???
</span>

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IDIDTHEJRT
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Postby IDIDTHEJRT » Mon Jun 14, 2004 8:11 pm

this is sooo crazy lol
they're all very good it's hard to pick :lol:

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IDIDTHEJRT
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Postby IDIDTHEJRT » Mon Jun 14, 2004 9:47 pm

ok here's the thing... 24 hours? that's a lot of damn stories... i think we're going to need a little longer :lol:

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PreCiouSbAbY
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Postby PreCiouSbAbY » Mon Jun 14, 2004 10:36 pm

uhh..i'm a slow reader :lol: . I need more time. This is going to be hard, I skimmed through some of them, they're really good. :nod:

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xoinnocentjrtgrl
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Postby xoinnocentjrtgrl » Mon Jun 14, 2004 11:35 pm

Imma fast reader :) All very good. I made my decision. T'was hard!

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JTnTN
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Postby JTnTN » Tue Jun 15, 2004 12:38 am

okay it took me forever just to get through the first story, which was AWESOME, but yes, i'm gonna need more than 24 hours. it's getting near my bedtime and i have to work tomorrow, so i'll need at least a couple more days on this. :ph34r:

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justins bubbles
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Postby justins bubbles » Tue Jun 15, 2004 12:43 am

<span style='color:blue'>And at 12:43 AM I'm DONE!!! :yay: :yay: :wacko:


Off to vote! :sprint:</span>

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tendertoes
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Postby tendertoes » Tue Jun 15, 2004 8:27 am

<span style='color:purple'>You ladies were ready to hang me and now you want more time...tsk tsk tsk!!

lmao..it is alot of stories!!! HOw about we have until Thursday?
</span>

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tendertoes
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Postby tendertoes » Tue Jun 15, 2004 8:37 am

<span style='color:purple'>I am so damn glad that I don't have to vote!! !yikes!! Tough decision!</span>

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whatchagot4meMRJT
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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Tue Jun 15, 2004 9:34 am

:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

Ladies, I just read all of the stories and I wanted to say how very wonderful each and every one is. Thanks for taking the time to write all of these great stories for us to enjoy. :hug:

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Postby mtvjunkie » Tue Jun 15, 2004 4:32 pm

for christs sake, couldnt someone do a crap story? it would make the choice much easier.

24 hours isnt enough to make the decision. hmm.

:thumbup: top quality work people :notworthy: im glad i didnt enter, i would so not have won. thank you for taking the time to write all that

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Angelpopstar7
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Postby Angelpopstar7 » Tue Jun 15, 2004 6:11 pm

Geez those stories are all soo good man!!! Gave me some reading material for yesterday :nod: It was a hard decision but i made mine :nod:

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JTnTN
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Postby JTnTN » Tue Jun 15, 2004 8:32 pm

well i printed them all and managed to finish them between this morning and my lunch break. y'all certainly made this tough on me, so i just might not vote lol.

just kidding, but i have until tomorrow to decide, right?

great job, girls. ;)


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