Heavier Things

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Postby JTnTN » Fri Feb 11, 2005 6:57 pm

And just so I could be #100, on to Chapter 14....

THE BABIES!!!! :yay: I'm so freakin' excited! And ooh, I wonder if they're having a boy and a girl? That would be fun. :nod: Oh, I can't wait!

Dude, THANK YOU for not making Renece a whore. She's so cool. :D I guess I should've known since you didn't name her Whordin instead. :lol: But yes, I'm glad she's pulling for them. Those two idiots need all the support they can get. :lol:

And Ellen. :rofl: Yes, I could really see that happening. It's amazing how you do that, Ash. It was like sitting in the audience just seeing those two act a fool. That could've been the chapter alone and I would've been happy. Too awesome. ^_^

Yes, great job Ash. I'm now even more excited about this story than I was before. And yeah, I want some Mayer lovin' too, but I guess I'll just have to settle for the CD for now. ;) :kiss:

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Postby jts_senorita » Tue Feb 15, 2005 8:35 pm

Hey. Wow, this is the first time I've been on the computer in a while, and I haven't been able to read any of this yet but wow... these past few weeks were kinda crazy. The reason I didn't get a chance to come here in a while is because last Sunday I slipped and fell on the ice and broke my leg. I had to get a surgery to put the bones back together and they inserted this metal tube thing a that's gonna be in there forever. Then I was in the hospital for 6 days and was hooked up to and IV and on Morphine and the whole bit. I'm finally home now and am gonna be spending alot of time here since I can't really leave the house for a few weeks... But anyways. Yeah. That's what happened. Well... I'm super tired now but I definitley want to catch up on all these chapters some time. So... I'll be back. :)

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Postby laura » Wed Feb 16, 2005 6:17 am

<span style='color:green'>*waits....* so....ashley....um wheres the update..... :D pretty please???? ;) COME ON WOMAN..... IM PRACTICALLY DYING HERE GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! UPPPPPPPPDATEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
*all yelled with love you understand...* :wub: </span>

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Postby BabyBlue2578 » Wed Feb 16, 2005 11:11 am

<span style='color:ff0099'>Oh, Sylvia. :hug: I said it on the JT board, but I'm so sorry to hear that. That sounds horribly painful. :( But I'm glad that you're a fighter and have made it back to us again. I was wondering where you disappeared to. :lol: :kiss: Take your time with recovering, babe. We're not goin' anywhere. :blowkiss:

And Laura, I dunno if you saw, but I did update Surreal World. :D Hopefully I'll have Chapter 15 of Heavier Things by today or tomorrow, guys. :pray: :sprint:</span>

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Postby laura » Wed Feb 16, 2005 11:17 am

i knew i forgot to feedback....*duh laura* ok *sprints off to s.w* thanks for remindin me!!!!!!!!! :rolleyes: ;)

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Postby jts_senorita » Thu Feb 17, 2005 2:37 pm

Yes. Finally caught up. :yay: :D So, OMG the babies are coming! It's so exciting! That's awkward for Justin that he had to leave right in the middle of Ellen but hey, what can ya do. :shrug: Those little Timbertots have minds of their own. And it'll be good for her ratings. :nod: I still don't like Renece. I mean... she is cool. But if I were Chelle I would still hate her. <_< Some girls are just like that. They can be perfectly cool and nice, but... ya gotta hate them. Or maybe I'm just bitter. So.. what else... Oh yes. Justin leaving her again. :no: That wasn't cool at all. She's the pregnant one... she's aloud to be crazy. Even though I understand why he would be extreemly pissed off about her lying to him. It will be interesting to see how he reacts when not one but two little ones pop out! Can't wait for the next update!

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Postby BabyBlue2578 » Sun Feb 20, 2005 3:40 pm

<span style='color:gray'>:wave: I apologize for taking so long. But I have a nice longggg chapter to make up for it. :lol: I hope y'all don't skip half of it, cuz in the end, it's kinda fun. ^_^ Well, I think so anyway. ;) *Njoy! :kiss:</span>

<span style='font-size:17pt;line-height:100%'><span style='font-family:bernhardfashion bt'><span style='color:dodgerblue'>15 - “St. Patrick’s Dayâ€￾</span></span></span>

<span style='font-size:10pt;line-height:100%'><span style='color:black'>Just as I suspected, the very second that my plane hit the JFK runway, my security team phrenetically rushed to get me through the hospital doors of NYU Downtown Medical. Even with the private section they reserved for us in the maternity ward, the place turned into an absolute madhouse when I walked in. I’ve never really had a baby before, so perhaps its normal for people to be running up and down halls and screaming like banshees when someone’s in labor. But I thought sh** like that only happened on sitcoms.

I’m not sure what exact action triggered it, but when I turned the corner that led to Michelle’s room, I suddenly became overcome with this huge fear. It was staggering, to say the least. It’s like the closer we got to the door, the heavier my feet became. By the time we were about three steps from the door, I just stopped in my tracks. “Wait,â€￾ I said to Lonnie.

He dropped his hand from the silver doorknob and turned to stare at me. “What are you doing?â€￾

“Don’t open the door yet. I just need a minute.â€￾

“What are you talking about?â€￾

His eyes shot to the approaching footsteps behind me, causing me to turn around as well, finding Mike and Eric squeezing down the narrow corridor. “Hold on, y’all.â€￾

“What the hell are you doing?â€￾ Eric asked in a strikingly similar manner to Lonnie.

“I just need a minute, man.â€￾

“Minute for what? Your girl is about to have a baby.â€￾

“I know that. So how about y’all back up and let me breathe before I walk in there.â€￾

“How about you walk your ass in that room,â€￾ Mike shot back, signaling for Lonnie to open the door. “You ain’t got time to be wastin’.â€￾



Between the three of them, I guess my skinny ass didn’t have much of a choice. So, against my better judgement, and with a sh**load of trepidation, I knocked lightly on the door that now read ‘Alexander/Timberlake’ and let myself into the room. Inside, it was much calmer than I expected, considering the chaos that I’d just witnessed on the other side of the door. On one side of the room, there was the closet, bathroom, a couple of strategically situated loveseats and all that crap, and then, the other half of the room contained Michelle, Brandon, and a nurse, as well as all the equipment they’d need when they would transfer her for delivery.

“Hey,â€￾ I announced to the room, figuring that they hadn’t really heard me enter under the sounds of Chelle’s breathing exercises.

“Damn, it’s about time you showed up,â€￾ Brandon smiled at me, holding onto Michelle’s hand. “We thought you had skipped out on us.â€￾

Michelle, who was exhaling lightly, didn’t turn in my direction, but managed to send me the clear message that she didn’t want me here. “He did skip out on us, Bran. Don’t talk to him.â€￾

Okay. Yes, that was a huge blow to my heart. “Michelle–.â€￾

“You know what, Justin? I don’t care.â€￾ She let out a long sigh and then let her head fall back to the pillows behind her.

“You okay?â€￾ Brandon asked her.

“Yeah,â€￾ she nodded, letting go of his hand.

“Were those contractions or whatever?â€￾

“Or whatever,â€￾ she muttered, mocking me. “Seriously, why are you here? Wouldn’t it save you the trouble of leaving again if you just stay away altogether?â€￾


“Get out,â€￾ she said, solemnly. “I don’t want you here.â€￾

I gave Brandon an ‘Is she for real?’ expression and walked across the sizeable room, pulling off my leather jacket. “You don’t mean that, do you?â€￾

“I most certainly do.â€￾

“Brandon, could you excuse us for a minute?â€￾

“Yeah, su–.â€￾

“Don’t you move an inch,â€￾ Chelle stopped him, digging her nails into his sweater. “Justin, you are excused.â€￾

“I’m gonna go get you some water,â€￾ Brandon inserted.

“Bran, you can’t leave me!â€￾

“I’ll be right back, girl.â€￾


“I’ll be right back,â€￾ he repeated. “Talk to yo’ baby daddy,â€￾ he smiled down at her, kissing her forehead.

“Hurry up before I have another contraction,â€￾ she whined.

I remained silent until Brandon made his way out of the door and assessed that no one would be trailing in after him, before I took my seat on the edge of Michelle’s bed. “Why are you doin’ this?â€￾ I asked quietly. “This isn’t how it’s supposed to go.â€￾

“How what was supposed to go?â€￾ she snapped.

“This. You and me. Our baby.â€￾

“Yeah, I didn’t think so, either,â€￾ she admitted. “But then, I figured out that there’s no way anything is supposed to go. It just happens.â€￾

We’re just ordinary people
We don’t know which way to go

“Well I want this to happen differently. You can’t shut me out here.â€￾

“Oh, so I guess everything just goes according to your plans. You don’t want me anymore, then you leave me. You wanna come back, then there you are. It’s always all or nothing with you.â€￾

“That’s not true.â€￾

“Then where have you been?â€￾ she shouted. “Why do you keep leaving me!â€￾

‘Cause we’re ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow

“I don’t know!â€￾

This ain’t a movie, no
No fairytale conclusion, y’all
It gets more confusing everyday

“Then get out.â€￾

“Stop saying that. You don’t mean it.â€￾

“I do mean it. Get the hell out of here.â€￾

“Where am I supposed to go?â€￾ I asked, befuddled.

“Where have you been?â€￾

“I just got off of a plane. What do you mean?â€￾

“I mean go back to wherever you’ve been all month. I’ve gotten along just fine without you.â€￾ She smiled smugly and peacefully closed her eyes. I guess that was her way of closing the conversation, as well.

With as much dignity as I could muster up, I got up from the bed and pulled the dividing curtain around her bed so that she couldn’t be disturbed. I trudged to the other side of the room and silently took a seat in one of the large plush chairs that were awaiting occupants. I just wasn’t ready to leave yet.

“I know you’re still in here,â€￾ Michelle announced after almost fifteen minutes of golden silence. “I can hear you breathing.â€￾

“I’m not leaving you again.â€￾

“You have to. You can either go willingly, or I’ll have hospital security escort you out.â€￾

“Why are you acting like an insane person, Michelle?â€￾

“I dunno, maybe that’s what I am. You know, since I’m driving you so damn crazy.â€￾

I sighed loudly, bored with talking to a curtain and sick of having to defend myself. Yeah, maybe I was wrong to leave again, but she’s the one that’s been ignoring me since I left. It’s not like I haven’t tried. “Okay. Have it your way.â€￾

“I will.â€￾

“Don’t even get it in your head that you’re gonna keep me away from my son, though.â€￾

“I have no intentions of keeping you from our kids,â€￾ she replied, calmly. “But right now, I don’t wanna look at you, hear you, feel you, smell you. I just want you gone.â€￾

See how irrational she is? She hates me, but she said ‘kids’. She’s already planning to have another one with me. Crazy ass. “Okay. I’ll go.â€￾

“Thank–,â€￾ she paused and let out a painful hissing sound, along with a gasp. “Hand!â€￾

“What?â€￾ I asked, confused.

“Get your ass over here and give me your hand!â€￾

I did as told and rushed to the side of her bed, offering both of my hands for her to squeeze the life out of. I didn’t know what to do, so I started those weird ass breathing noises that they do on television. You know the ones – the ‘Hee hee, hoo hoo’. Stupid as it may seemed, they appeared to be working for her as she joined in with me. We continued with that until the pain subsided for her and she slowly decreased the death grip she had on my hand. “You okay?â€￾ I finally asked once the mild commotion settled.

She nodded animatedly. “Thank you.â€￾

Sometimes it’s heaven sent
Then we head back to hell again
We kiss, then we make up on the way

“You don’t have to thank me.â€￾

“I know I don’t. But I thought I should.â€￾

“Fair enough,â€￾ I said, looking nervously around the pastel room.

“You can go now, though. I should be good for another few minutes.â€￾


“And by then, Brandon will be back.â€￾

“Fine,â€￾ I quipped. I couldn’t argue with her anymore. If she didn’t want me there, then I’d just have to stay by her side from afar. “I’ll be outside if you need me.â€￾

“I won’t.â€￾


<span style='color:dodgerblue'>I want. To pull. My hair out. Jesus freakin’ Christ. I’ve been in labor for like a million hours now and I’m still not dilated enough to go to the delivery room. I had seen every possible friend and family member between yesterday and today and I swear if that door opens again without my doctor telling me that we can go to delivery, I really am gonna pull someone’s hair out.

“Chelle, how you doin’?â€￾ my mom asked, rising from her seat on the other side of the room.

“Miserable,â€￾ I sulked. “How long did this take for you?â€￾

“Oh, honey, I popped you out in nine hours.â€￾

“Nine hours! That’s it?â€￾

“That’s it. Your brother, on the other hand,â€￾ she said, glancing at his sleeping form on the small sofa beside us, “took about eighteen.â€￾

“Well, damn, what am I at now? Twenty?â€￾

“Well, sweetie, everyone is different.â€￾

“But mommy, I’m sick of being pregnant. It’s supposed to be over by now!â€￾

She ran her hands over my slightly damp forehead, pushing my hair out of my face. “Don’t rush it, Chelle. ‘Cause when that little boy comes, there is no turning back.â€￾

“I know, I know. But this just can–,â€￾ I paused when that familiar pain of a contraction went tearing through my whole body. “Hand!â€￾ My mom quickly gave me her left hand for me to use as leverage to get through my anguish. The closer they come, the more they hurt, the more I’m reminded that I never ever want to have sex again. I’m finding it really hard not to hate Justin right now.

“Breathe, Michelle.â€￾

“f*** breathing! Get me to the delivery room!â€￾ I shouted in pain.

“Just a little while longer, sweetie.â€￾

“Ma! Make it stop!â€￾

“You’re almost there,â€￾ she encouraged.

“I want it to be over!â€￾

“Just breathe, baby. Breathe.â€￾

“I am breathing!â€￾ I did the stupid little panting exercises that I learned in lamaze while my brother stood beside my mother to crowd me even more than I already was. And finally, after what I’d estimate to be about a minute, the terror of my cervix dilating temporarily ceased. “I can’t keep this up much longer,â€￾ I commented sighing.

My mom gratefully retracted her hand from me and smiled warmly. “Not much longer now. Brandon, how long was that in between contractions?â€￾

“Uh, about a minute.â€￾

“See, you’re right there,â€￾ she assured me. “I’m gonna go get the doctor and find Justin for you.â€￾

“No, don’t bother with Justin. Just get me Dr. Robinson.â€￾

“Isn’t he, like, a man?â€￾

“Like yeah,â€￾ I said sarcastically, impatiently waiting for her to follow my direction. “Could you get him?â€￾

“Dr. Stanton isn’t delivering the baby?â€￾

“Ma, please.â€￾


“Can you just go get him. I’m ready to get this over with â€￾

“Okay,â€￾ she demurred, pulling off her big baby blue sweatshirt. “But I don’t care what you say. I’m getting Justin. He’s not missing this.â€￾



“Mom, can you just get the doctor,â€￾ Brandon interjected.

“Thank you, Bran.â€￾

“Shut up,â€￾ he shot back, as we both watched my mom exit the room. “We’ll deal with Justin later.â€￾

“I don’t wanna have to deal with him later, though.â€￾

“You’re gonna have to deal with him for the rest of your life, Chelle.â€￾

“Exactly. So let’s not push this.â€￾

“You’re stupid and delusional,â€￾ he grinned, kissing the side of my forehead. “You okay?â€￾

I nodded slightly just when there was a knock at the door and in walked Lynn, followed by her annoying ass son. “Hey,â€￾ she said softly, with a bright smile. “Angie just told me you’re about ready to deliver.â€￾

“Looks like it,â€￾ I smiled back. “You’re about to be a grandma.â€￾

“Forget about me. You’re about to be a mommy! I’m so excited for you,â€￾ she cooed, rubbing her thumb along my damp hand. “But Michelle, I’m gonna beat you if you don’t talk to my son.â€￾

I gave her an unamused look and then shot my stare to Justin, who’d been noticeably quiet. To satisfy her request, I said, “Hey, Justin.â€￾


Okay... “Well um, I dunno if you got the message before, but I think I’m gonna stick with just my brother and my mom for the delivery.â€￾

He rolled his eyes exaggeratedly and gave his mother a bored look, as well. “Whatever you want, Michelle.â€￾

“What?â€￾ Lynn jumped in. “Whatever she wants? Sweetie, this is your baby, too.â€￾

“Mama, she doesn’t want me in there. It’s at her discretion.â€￾

“Oh, no f*** that. Michelle,â€￾ she turned back to me, “I love you, and you know that. But if you make my son miss out on his first child, I wi–.â€￾

Oh, sh**. Here we go again. “Hand!â€￾ I interrupted. Reaching out blindly for some support. “Gimme a hand!â€￾ Before I could blink, Justin was at my side, offering both hands and encouraging eyes. I resisted the inimitable urge to scream my lungs out and, instead, stared into his eyes for comfort while he went through the breathing with me. “Thank you,â€￾ I said, once all the chaos in my body seemed to decrease.

He nodded meekly and took a step back from the bed to stand beside his mother. “No problem.â€￾

“This is ridiculous,â€￾ Lynn maintained. “Justin may be above begging you, but I’m not. Sweetie, please do–.â€￾

Again, Lynn was interrupted in the middle of her statement. This time, it was Dr. Robinson entering the room, two steps ahead of my mother, both smiling in that ‘I don’t really know why the hell I’m smiling’ manner. “How are we doing?â€￾ he asked, acknowledging each of us a with a polite nod.

“When can I start pushing?â€￾ I suddenly inquired as he sat down at the foot of my bed.

“Well, let’s find out,â€￾ he replied, beginning to examine me. I looked at the four people surrounding me, anxiously awaiting some positive news. Everyone had the same nervous/troubled/excited expression plastered on their face. “Good news, Michelle,â€￾ Dr. Robinson began, removing his gloves and walking to the gray phone beside my bed. “You’re ready.â€￾

“Are you serious?â€￾ I asked in exhilaration.

“I’d like it if you were a little more dilated, but yes, we’re gonna go ahead and send you to the delivery room.â€￾

Oh, my God. Our babies are coming! “Oh, my God.â€￾

“Don’t be nervous,â€￾ he comforted me. “You’ve gotten through the hardest part.â€￾

“Oh, my God,â€￾ I repeated, somewhat shocked. “Mommy, I’m gonna be a mommy!â€￾ I screeched.

“I can’t believe my baby’s havin’ a baby,â€￾ she answered, messing with my curls. “You’re gonna be so good at this.â€￾

“I hope so,â€￾ I pondered, just when another contraction made its ugly presence known. Again, I grabbed Justin’s hand and waited for it to pass before the conversation went back to normal functioning.

“Okay,â€￾ Dr. Robinson announced, hanging up the phone. “Your stretcher is on its way. So, Justin and whoever else is going in with her, come with me so that you can scrub up.â€￾

“Oh, no wait,â€￾ I stopped him. “It’s actually gonna be my mother and my brother.â€￾ A big sigh escaped Lynn’s lips just before Justin went storming out of the door.

I hang up, you call, we rise and we fall
And we feel like just walking away

The good doctor apprehensively looked back and forth between the four of us that remained and offered us the grin that always seemed to accompany his unfortunate news. “Well, all right. Um, Ms. Alexander and Brandon, you can follow me. Michelle, I’ll see you in a few minutes.â€￾

“Thank you.â€￾ The three of them exited the room, leaving just me and Lynn to stare at each other in awkwardness. “I’m sorry.â€￾

“Don’t apologize to me. I was there when my son was born.â€￾

“Lynn, we’ve never had a problem with one another, an argument, or otherwise. And I’d like to keep it that way.â€￾

Her sternness disappeared and she gave me that gorgeous happy smile that always made everything all right, taking my hand into her own. “Don’t you worry about us. You just get my grandson out safe and sound, okay?â€￾

“Can I tell you something?â€￾ I requested nervously.

“Anything,â€￾ she grinned, just when the door shot open and two male nurses came wheeling in one of those bed carts. “Is it something that can wait?â€￾

I laid flat on my bed as they earlier directed me to do while they transported the top layer of my bed to the neighboring cart. “I haven’t told anyone yet, because I wanted Justin to be the first to know,â€￾ I intimated, just as they began to roll me out of the room, “but we’re having twins.â€￾

“What?â€￾ I just knew that Lynn’s confused blue eyes were brightening as she followed us out of the room. “Are you serious?â€￾

“Yeah, but don’t tell–.â€￾ Oh, damn. Ouch! Contraction! I need a hand. “I need a hand!â€￾ I yelled, being carted down the narrow corridor. The very nice nurse that was pushing the bed sweetly offered me his hand, but somehow it just didn’t work for me. It didn’t contain that familiar solace that I needed from someone I know. As they slowly pushed me through the lobby area of the maternity ward, I saw Sydney and Justin standing above JC and Eva, all looking rather depressed. I was in too much pain to care, though. Stupid contractions. “Justin!â€￾ I yelled. “I need you!â€￾

“What?â€￾ he slightly yelled across the large space that separated us.

“Come here!â€￾

As usual, he was right there when I called. He rushed to where I laid in the middle of the hall, waiting to be pushed into the delivery room. “What’s wrong?â€￾

“I need your hand again,â€￾ I winced.

Without question, he gave it to me and continued to help me breathe. “You’re doing great, Chelle. Just a few more minutes. After that, we start a whole new chapter in our lives. So just hold on, okay?â€￾

I smiled at the thought of this completely new experience that was about to come into play. And amazingly, it totally took my mind off of the excruciating pain. “This is really happening, huh?â€￾

“It really is. And I’ll be right out here when the painful part is over.â€￾

“Justin, I’m sorry,â€￾ Dr. Robinson interrupted, walking up to both of us, “but we have to take her in now.â€￾

“That’s fine,â€￾ he answered. “I’ll be right out here if anyone needs me.â€￾

“No â€￾ I said, tears suddenly rushing down my cheeks. “Justin, I need you.â€￾

“Michelle, you’ll be fine. You got your mom and Brandon in there. And like I said, I’m not going anywhere.â€￾

“No,â€￾ I argued. “I don’t know what I was saying. I need you. Now.â€￾

As our love advances, we take second chances
Though it’s not a fantasy, I still want you to stay

“Are you sure?â€￾

“Yes â€￾

“Dr. Robinson, I need him in there. Tell my mom and brother to get the hell out.â€￾

“Michelle, are you sure?â€￾ he repeated, sounding like Justin.

“Yes Get them out. I just want Justin.â€￾ I gazed at him with the most apologetic look I could find. “I’m so sorry.â€￾

“It’s okay,â€￾ he said, rubbing through my hair. “I know.â€￾

“You know I love you, right?â€￾

“Without a shadow of a doubt, Chelle. But stop worrying about this and let’s go have a baby.â€￾

We’re just ordinary people
We don’t know which way to go


<span style='color:black'>Chaos. Pure chaos. That’s all I could say about the current state of the delivery room. There were people dressed in pale dark blue scrubs, pretty identical to me, shuffling back and forth across the cold room. Dr. Robinson stayed at the foot of the bed, coercing Michelle to just ‘keep pushing.’ I did the same, coaching her breathing in the process, willing her to just hold on a little while longer.

“I can’t push anymore,â€￾ she cried, shaking her head. “I can’t do it, Justin.â€￾

“Yes, you can. You’re right there. Just go for it, baby.â€￾ I wiped her sweat-soaked face with a cool towel and repositioned her left leg so that it was bent over my shoulder - supposedly it’s more conducive to the pushing than forceps. “Chelle, come on.â€￾

“I can’t!â€￾

“Stop it! You’re convincing yourself that you can’t by saying that.â€￾

“Justin,â€￾ she whined, breathing heavily, “I just can’t do it. I want some drugs.â€￾

“Michelle, don’t do this.â€￾

“Please,â€￾ she beseeched. “Dr. Robinson, please.â€￾

“No,â€￾ I countered. “You can’t get this close and wanna give up.â€￾

“But it hurts.â€￾

“Michelle, stop whining and push!â€￾

“Michelle, the baby is crowning,â€￾ the doctor declared. “He’s right; don’t give up now.â€￾

“Okay, this part is gonna hurt the most,â€￾ I explained, “so get ready.â€￾

“You have to be kidding,â€￾ she panted.

“I need a big push from you on ‘3,’â€￾ Dr. Robinson instructed. “One. Two. Three.â€￾

Through gritted teeth, she screamed out in pain and pushed with all her might while bearing down on my hand. “That’s it, girl. Come on,â€￾ I encouraged.

“All right, we’ve got the head. On three, give me another big push.â€￾

“I can’t,â€￾ she whined again. “Justin, don’t make me do this. It hurts!â€￾

“I know, baby. But the sooner you push, the sooner it’s over.â€￾

“I can’t push anymore.â€￾

“Michelle, you don’t have a choice. On three, okay?â€￾

“I can’t.â€￾




“Justin, stop!â€￾

“Three.â€￾ She pushed, just as I knew she would, screaming obscenities and tears spilling out to her cheeks. At that point, I just wished that I could have the baby for her and take away all of the daunting pain that she was going through. “Chelle, you’re doing great, baby.â€￾

“Oh, f*** you,â€￾ she shot back harshly. “I can’t do this anymore!â€￾

“No, do not give up now,â€￾ I argued, watching her fall back into the pillows. “You can’t.â€￾

“Just give me one last push on this one,â€￾ the doctor pleaded. “One big one.â€￾

“I’ve never needed you more than I do right now, Justin.â€￾ She held my wrist with both of her petite hands and let her tired caramel eyes penetrate my own stare. “I don’t have the strength to do this.â€￾

“Yes you do,â€￾ I nodded. A tear ran down my own cheek seeing how completely defeated she was at that moment. “There is nothing in this world that we can’t do together. This is no different, baby. Just one more big push.â€￾

“But I can’t.â€￾

“Don’t give up now. Just give me one more.â€￾


“Do it for me. Please,â€￾ I begged.

She nodded slowly and wiped her tears before inhaling sharply. “I’m doing this for you,â€￾ she finished. Her body quivered as she squeezed my hand and bellowed out another long, excruciating push, accompanied by an ear-shattering scream.

“One more,â€￾ the doctor boosted.

Without another word, she did as encouraged and gave one last effort at getting our son out. Finally, when she knew that she was done, she fell into the back of the bed, closing her eyes in relief, and tried to catch her breath. I affectionately ran my hands over her wet hair, trying to soothe her in any way that I could, as I watched the doctor pull our beautiful baby boy from Michelle.

“Birth date: 03-17-07. Birth time: 1:24PM,â€￾ a random nurse announced.

The second I saw him, I froze. – Not necessarily in nervousness, but in a realization that I had a son. The life that Michelle and I created was actually a part of the world now. I gotta say, it was a stunning epiphany. As he cried at the top of his lungs, I looked back and forth between Michelle and the nurse that had carried our baby to the other side of the room to clean him up. I wish that she was coherent enough to witness it all, because it was such an amazing thing to see.

Suddenly, Dr. Robinson sat back down in his stool at the foot of the bed and replaced his surgical mask. I know we have to wait for the placenta to be delivered, but never have I seen a doctor induce it. What is he doing? “Michelle, I know you’re tired, but you have to stay with me for the next delivery.â€￾

“Wait, what are you doing?â€￾ I asked.

“We have to get the other baby,â€￾ he said matter-of-factly.


“Twins consist of two babies.â€￾

“Michelle,â€￾ I said, shaking her gently. As she displaced her fatigue and looked at me, I inquired, “What the hell is he talking about?â€￾

“Michelle, are you ready?â€￾ Dr. Robinson asked.

She nodded faintly and held my hand again. “We’re having twins,â€￾ she confirmed. With a deep breath, she went right back into push mode, screaming and wincing for the duration of the pain.

“You’re doing great. It’ll all be over in a few minutes.â€￾

I looked behind me where our... other baby was being prepped and then looked back to the chaos that was occurring in front of me. Twins? What?

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,â€￾ she puffed, reading my mind. “Please don’t be mad.â€￾

“No, baby, I’m not mad.â€￾ Just confused. But I shook out of my state of shock and held her leg up again, wanting to do anything I could to make this better for her. “I’m so proud of you,â€￾ I furthered. “You’ve been so strong through all of this.â€￾

“I love you, Justin.â€￾

“I love you, too, girl. Now let’s have another baby.â€￾


<span style='color:dodgerblue'>It was the most torturous, inexorable, just plain horrifying pain I’ve ever experienced. I won’t – hell, I can’t – ever do that again. So I’m glad we had two at once so that we don’t have to worry about having more kids. I mean, I honestly felt like I was going to die. And I don’t know what I would’ve done without Justin. As a matter of fact, I just might have died in there without him. But the hard part is behind us, and now comes the hardest – parenthood. I’m excited, but I gotta admit that I’m scared as hell.

I kinda thought that I’d be better off by myself
I’ve never been so wrong before

“Hey, you’re up,â€￾ Justin announced, walking back into my hospital suite, having reclaimed his normal clothes. “How do you feel?â€￾

“Tired,â€￾ I smiled weakly. “Where are my babies?â€￾

“Next door,â€￾ he answered, standing beside my bed, picking up the phone. “But now that you’re awake, I can ask them to bring them in from the nursery.â€￾

“Wait,â€￾ I stopped him. I patted the small open space on my bed beside me and rested my hand over my head. “I’m, um – I’m really sorry for these past couple of moths,â€￾ I said genuinely, staring down at his gorgeously strong hands. “I know that I’ve been beyond b**** for a while now, but I don’t think it’s possible for me to even tell you how much I love you, need you, respect you and cherish having you in my life.â€￾

You made it impossible for me to ever love somebody else
And now I don’t know what I left you for

“Chelle, you don’t have to say anything. Because I do know, and it’s okay.â€￾

“It’s not okay,â€￾ I countered. “I’ve treated you like sh**, man. And I’m just so sorry.â€￾

See I thought that I could replace you
Who can love me the way you do?
Til now, I never knew baby

Very carefully, he wrapped his arms around me, initiating the warmest, tenderest embrace I’ve received in a long time. “I love you,â€￾ he whispered with a kiss to my temple. “And your b****in’ was never gonna change that.â€￾

I’m spoiled by your love, boy
No matter how I try to change my mind
What’s the point, it’s just a waste of time

God, he’s so good at this. The powerful honesty behind his words sent my emotions into overdrive. The threat of tears – happy ones, for once in a long time – pierced through the back of my head as I squeezed him intensely. “Thank you,â€￾ I whispered back. “Thank you for loving me that much.â€￾

I’m spoiled by your touch, boy
The love you give is just too hard to find
Don’t wanna live without you in my life

There was a knock at the door that briefly separated us, as two nurses walked in carrying our two unsuspecting sons to their parents. Yes, we had two boys – identical, at that. Both of them have Justin’s tiny little happy eyes, though they’re the same color as mine. They’ve got his vanilla complexion, and, not surprisingly, were blessed with both our heads of dark brown masses of hair. They’re both so perfect in all their tiny glory. They each weighed barely six pounds. I mean, can you even imagine being six pounds? That’s like, how much my foot weighs.

The nurse handed Justin one of our children and the second carefully placed the other in my arms with a happy smile. “Page me if you need anything at all,â€￾ she grinned, tiptoeing out of the room.

I stared up at Justin and then down at the tininess that my arms encompassed. “They’re so perfect,â€￾ I commented, watching my baby yawn amidst his slumber. “I can’t believe this is real.â€￾

Justin smiled back at me after having stared at his own version of the beautiful baby I held. “Can you believe someone’s actually letting us have kids?â€￾ he chuckled quietly.

“I was just thinkin’ that,â€￾ I beamed, looking back up at him. “No turning back now.â€￾

“So what do you say we name these kids so they can stop calling them the Alexander-Timberlake babies?â€￾

“We should just name them Alexander and Timberlake,â€￾ I laughed. “That would be fun, right?â€￾

“I’m gonna laugh with high hopes that you’re kidding.â€￾

“You know me better than that.â€￾

“So how about Justin and Michael?â€￾ he suggested.


“Justin and Jonathan.â€￾


“Justin and–.â€￾

“Get off your ego trip and get rid of the Justin,â€￾ I laughed.


We chuckled quietly just in time to see Brandon walk confidently into the room. “How my nephews doin’?â€￾ he whispered, glancing gleefully at both of them as he stood at the head of my bed. “You okay?â€￾ he asked me.

“Yeah. I just needed a nice long nap.â€￾

“You look like you’re feeling better, too. Justin, how you holdin’ up?â€￾

“I’m good now, dude.â€￾

“Good to know. I gotta run with Jourdyn to a poetry competition. But we’ll be back in an hour, tops.â€￾

“Okay,â€￾ I grinned. “Y’all have fun.â€￾ He quickly gave me a kiss at the top of my head and shot Justin a wink before dashing out of the door. “Hey, Justin?â€￾

“Yeah?â€￾ he answered obliviously, still enthralled with one of our sons.

“What do you think of the name Brendan?â€￾

His cheeks expanded to a happy smile as he nodded slowly with realization. “I love it.â€￾


“Yeah. Brendan Alexander-Timberlake.â€￾

“Brendan Timberlake,â€￾ I corrected. “I don’t want my babies to have to take ten minutes to write their name,â€￾ I chuckled.

“You sure?â€￾

“Yeah,â€￾ I affirmed. “They don’t need a last name to know who Mama is.â€￾

“Brendan Timberlake, it is.â€￾

“And we can make his middle name Justin if you just have to have your name stuck in there,â€￾ I laughed, sticking my tongue out at him.

“Brendan Justin?â€￾

“Brendan Justin,â€￾ I repeated. “I love it.â€￾

“Me, too. Now. Which one gets that name?â€￾

“Who came out first?â€￾

Justin looked back and forth skeptically, probably just as clueless as I was. “Well, who looks like a Brendan?â€￾ he queried, sitting down on the bed with me. We gazed between our children and then questioningly at each other. “I think yours looks like a Brendan. Mine looks like a Brian,â€￾ he noticed.

“I think you’re right. Brian is good.â€￾


“Definitely. Brendan and Brian.â€￾

“I like it, too,â€￾ he grinned, leaning into the back of the bed with me. “How about... Brian Joseph. You know, just so you can get in on the namesake action.â€￾

It’s funny how I absolutely hate Josephine as my middle name, but Joseph is rather... “Perfect.â€￾

I tried to tell myself that I’d be over you in a week or two
But baby, that was ‘bout a year ago

“We kick ass at this,â€￾ he marveled. “We should have more kids just so we can name them.â€￾

“Justin â€￾ I hissed quietly, nudging him in the elbow. “Don’t say ‘ass’ in front of our kids.â€￾

“You’ve gotta be kidding,â€￾ he said in disbelief. “Don’t even try to front with that, girl. They’ve heard you cuss me out since they grew ears.â€￾

“Well,â€￾ I chuckled in slight embarrassment, “at least wait until they’re asleep.â€￾

“They are asleep, Chelle.â€￾

“No, no. They’re in that first layer of sleep where they can still hear everything. So don’t be cussin’ around my kids,â€￾ I reiterated, hitting him lightly on the thigh. “But I have to pee like hell, so hold him,â€￾ I instructed, passing Brendan to his father. “I’ll be right back.â€￾

“Look at you. Can’t even follow your own directions,â€￾ he noticed.

“What did I do?â€￾

“‘I gotta pee like hell.’ Way to go, hypocrite.â€￾

“Shut. Up,â€￾ I laughed, trying to remove myself from the hospital bed. It was a struggle without the usual support of Justin walking with me, but while he was busy being Dad, the least I could do was get to the restroom by myself. When I reemerged from the walk-in closet-sized bathroom, wrapping my ice blue robe back in place, I spotted Justin swaying around the room with one of our tiny babies, swaddled in their light blue blankets and those little hats, enveloped in each of his protective arms. I had to shed at tear at their indescribable essence. I was speechless.

I’ve never seen the word Love so personified as I do with you

As his swaying and singing across the room led him back to me, he stopped to smile at my frozen form. “You okay?â€￾ he beamed.

I nodded and cried those tears of joy that had been a problem just a few minutes before. “I’m great,â€￾ I smiled. “Never better.â€￾

“You know you’re crying, right?â€￾

“Yeah. I just wish you could see how damn beautiful you are right now,â€￾ I sniffled.

And that is why I just can’t let go
I’m spoiled by your love, boy

“You’re funny,â€￾ he chuckled, looking back down to his arms, filled with the joy of two new lives. “You need help back into your bed?â€￾

“No,â€￾ I replied, finally moving from the spot I’d stood so firmly in.

And I would only be fooling myself if I tried to believe
There’s room for someone else in my heart

“You sure?â€￾ he asked, watching me move so slowly towards the bed. “You look a little dazed.â€￾

“No, I’m fine.â€￾ Wiping my tears away, I finally made it to the bed and took a random space on the edge so that I could watch the three loves of my life interact with one another. God, this is gonna be so much fun.

“It’s their first night in the world,â€￾ he commented, walking over to me. “Everything is so surreal to me right now. I can’t believe this is–.â€￾

“Justin,â€￾ I interrupted, about half a second from swallowing my tongue. I took a deep breath and asked, “Will you marry me?â€￾

He looked down at me like a deer caught in headlights. “What?â€￾

Take it back, Michelle. Just take it back right now. But I can’t. I meant it. “I said, ‘Will you marry me?’â€￾

And we’ll both be safe ‘til St. Patrick’s Day</span></span>

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Postby mtvjunkie » Sun Feb 20, 2005 4:54 pm

:unsure: I just squeeled out loud :unsure:

You made me so happy Ash! :clap: Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you THANK YOU! You know how much I love those two being together and happy :lol: I almost didn't vote for best ending for 'Can't let you go' because they weren't togther :nono: :ph34r: although I did in the end :nod:

And go wit yo bad self grandmama Lynn :lol: And thank you for such a beautifully written nailbiting chapter :kiss:

Now give me another :D

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Postby Angelpopstar7 » Sun Feb 20, 2005 6:50 pm

awww Ashley :cry: dude i have freakin tears in my eyes right now no lie! They're sooo freakin cute! I can just picture justin's face when he heard that he was having twins :rofl: it would have gone from WTF to OMG! :rofl: They're the cutest things! i was soo worried at the beginning when Chelle didn't want him in there and i was gonna say girl drop that attitude and have him in there! he's the father of your children! you can't deny him the right to be there when they're born! but thankfully that all turned out for the better...Chelle came to her sense thank goodness! and she asked him to marry her :wub: :wub: lets just hope that he says yes! the whole part about how she was swearing off sex :rofl: that reminds me of a conversation i had with my cousin today :rofl: she lives in Philly and shes due in 16 days so some family members (myself included) went to take her some baby gifts today and she was like "i swore off sex after this. i can't go through this again and i didn't even deliver him yet" :rofl: and she told me that i have to come in the delivery room so then it'll turn me off from having sex and i was like "oh darn i'll be 2 hours away that won't work" and she was like "oh i'll make it work." :rofl: i guess u had to be there to understand! lol anyways! I loved it as usual :wub: :wub: :wub: i can't wait to see how they are on their first day home with the twins...they're gonna be like "what do i do with them?" :rofl: MORE PLEASE!

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Postby jts_senorita » Sun Feb 20, 2005 10:54 pm

!!!!!! :o !!!!!!

Awww!! It's all so perfect!.... :wub: And they're getting married! Aw, I'm gonna cry. That's so cute. The two little babies... :wub: And I love their names. Now that the babies are born I hope it nocks some sense into Justin and Michelle, cause they need to be responsible now and not fight! Especially if they're getting married. :nod: Bur geez, that discription of the pain of labourscared the begeezus out of me... :nervous: I'm scared to have babies now! Well... I think that Justin and Michelle should definitely get married. As long as they promise not to fight anymore. I'm exited! Yay Justin and Michelle and Brendan and Brian!!! :yay:

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Postby SiMPLYiNSYNC » Sun Feb 20, 2005 11:28 pm

:o They're getting married!!! I have an itch that Justin's gonna pull a K-Fed and say 'No', then ask her to marry him. Anyways, THEY'RE GETTING MARRIED!!! You do not know how much I'm crying! :cry: You've gotta find a way to put me into the chapter for the wedding ceremony. :rofl: I :pray: that they don't fight anymore. Well, once in a while cus I need the drama. :lol: KIDDING.

I can just picture Justin's face when he found out he was having babies. :lol: Brian and Brendan. That is too cute. :nod: :wub:

“Oh, no f*** that. Michelle,â€￾

:rofl: I LOVE MAMA (or should I say Grandma) Lynn! The funny thing is that I can picture her saying that, too. :rofl:

Once AGAIN, you've written another amazing chapter. :nod: :clap: You never, EVER, EVER, cease to amaze me. :notworthy: :notworthy:

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Postby PreCiouSbAbY » Mon Feb 21, 2005 12:45 am

Ahhhhh...too cute! I spent like forever getting caught up in this. They had twins. I knew I read the word babies way too many times! I thought I was beginning to see things, lol. Ah, and she asked him to marry her. That last chapter was hella long, but it was good. I laughed so hard at this part,
See how irrational she is? She hates me, but she said ‘kids’. She’s already planning to have another one with me. Crazy ass.

maybe i'm delusional, but i thought it was hilarious. :lol:

update soon!

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Postby justins bubbles » Mon Feb 21, 2005 3:22 am

<span style='color:blue'>I don't know how I manage to miss chapters randomly, but I do.

But yes. What a superb way to enter this world... in the arms of Justin Timberlake. Ahh. :lol: I can just imagine the cute little chubbie cheeks! Oh, how I love the idea of Timberbabies. :wub:

I'm glad that she finally saw past all the needless bickering and realized that through it all she needed Justin and that he was going to be there for her. Oh how I love this couple! And I, too, almost didn't vote for best ending, because, well, I knew it wasn't over. Man, did I use too many commas in that last sentence or what? :lol: Oh, but I did vote, yes. :nod:

Next chapter! I wanna wedding! </span>

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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Mon Feb 21, 2005 3:34 pm

:wub: :wub: Yay for two healthy babies. :wub: :wub: Timbertwins. :wub: You had me scared that Chelle wasn't going to let Justin in the delivery room. That would have broken my heart. I'm so happy that they were able to share this experience together. I couldn't see it any other way.

I loved them arguing about the "no cussing" rule. :rofl: Yeah, like that's gonna f***ing work. ;) :lol: Little potty mouth boys in the making. :lol:

She asked him to marry her. :huh: He better say yes. :pray: Let's all start getting prepared for a wedding. ^_^

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Postby laura » Tue Feb 22, 2005 4:02 am

:lol: ive already bought a new outfit..... aww i know i suck at this feedback thing but ashley i dont think there is anything left ta say....except YAY!!!!!!!!!! :wub: :wub: :wub: :wub: :wub: :wub: (SEE) awww dude, girl, im speechless...and you know thats a hard thing to do!!!! it was wonderful really....i wasnt expecting 2 boys...but awwwww like paige said timbertwins.....i like that!!!!! well ill stop wasting pages and go worry bout my interview!!! update soooooon chica!!!!!!!![I]

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Postby laura » Thu Feb 24, 2005 10:22 am

:wave: update!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im dying here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :lol:(puppy dog eyes) please? :notworthy: :notworthy: :notworthy:

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Postby JTnTN » Fri Feb 25, 2005 2:54 pm

Wow, I really must've been delirious. I forgot my feedback.

DUDE. I don't think there's any way for you to make me any happier, Ash. Well... when he says HELL YEAH, then I'll be completely content. I can't wait. I'm so excited. And yeah, you had me scared as sh** that Chelle was really about to keep him out of the delivery room. And like I told Sondra, I was terrified that she was gonna pull a J-Lo in Jersey Girl and then I would've just had to go cry myself into nonexistence. :lol: But yeah, thank you for not going there. ^_^ I smiled all the way through the second hour of that chapter. :lol: Brendan and Brian. How f***in' cute is that! :wub:

And then the hilarity of Grandmama Lynn as well as Michelle trying to pretend she's about to stop cussin'. HA. I'd love to see her try. :rofl:

Purely amazing. Thanks for keeping me on the edge of my seat. You're AWESOME. :clap:

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Postby BabyBlue2578 » Tue Mar 01, 2005 2:46 pm

<span style='color:gray'>:wave: Thanks for reading that long ass chapter and enjoying it. :lol: I FINALLY got another one done. Sorry it's not all that exciting. :ph34r:</span>

<span style='font-size:17pt;line-height:100%'><span style='color:black'><span style='font-family:bernhardfashion bt'>16 - “Sittin’ In The Slow-Moâ€￾</span></span></span>

<span style='font-size:10pt;line-height:100%'><span style='color:dodgerblue'>“Are you serious?â€￾ he wondered. “You wanna get married now?â€￾

I silently requested that he pass me one of our babies by holding my arms out to him, receiving Brendan in reply. Or maybe it was Brian? Oh, God. I can’t tell my children apart. “Who is this?â€￾ I asked, adjusting his light blue beanie over his tiny ears.

Justin looked down and examined his little bundle with a chuckle. “You have Brian.â€￾

“How do you know?â€￾

“I just do,â€￾ he smiled. “Plus, on his bracelet, it says that he was born at 1:31.â€￾

I glanced at the hospital bracelet around my son’s arm, and sure enough, the birth time was 1:31PM. “So what time was Brendan born?â€￾

“You’re not gonna believe this.â€￾



“You’re kidding,â€￾ I quipped incredulously. “Seriously?â€￾

“Yep. Their birth times are our birthdays,â€￾ he laughed.

I just had to smile at the small miracles that only babies can provide. I was hoping they could send some good vibes my way and pull an answer out of Justin. “So, what do you say? You ready to make this official?â€￾

His delighted grin suddenly faded and he quietly took a seat next to me on the bed. He seemed to get lost in thought before responding. “Are you sure that’s what you want?â€￾


“I mean, after all our fighting and breaking up and all the chaos in between, you seriously want to get married now?â€￾

I’m in love with you
This ain’t the honeymoon
Past the infatuation phase

“Yes,â€￾ I sustained.

“How is that possible?â€￾

“Because I do,â€￾ I frowned. “Because I love you. What kind of fu–. What kind of question is that?â€￾

“It’s a question, Michelle. I’m just trying to make sure that before we jump into something even harder than what we already have, that you’re sure about this. I don’t want you to just be proposing so that you can hold on to me or somethin’. I’m not goin’ anywhere, Chelle.â€￾

“You think I’m proposing just for the hell of it? I want to get married. I want to marry you.â€￾

Right in the thick of love
At times we get sick of love
It seems like we argue everyday

“Why now? Why not when I asked you?â€￾

Is he f***ing serious? “Is this why you’re taking me through changes? Because you wanna be the one to ask?â€￾

“No, Michelle. I’m not that petty,â€￾ he said softly. “I just don’t wanna say ‘yes,’ and then when I do something to screw up, you call it all off. I can’t do that.â€￾

“I wouldn’t do that,â€￾ I assured him. “I’ve done stupid sh– stuff in the past, but I’m trying to pretend to be an adult now.â€￾ I looked down at Brian, still fast asleep in my arms. “I have to be,â€￾ I added.

I know I misbehaved and you’ve made your mistakes
And we both still got room left to grow

“That doesn’t necessarily translate to being married, though.â€￾

“I know that. But dude, look at us. We’re a family. This is it for you and me, whether we admit it or not.â€￾

“No kidding,â€￾ he chuckled. “I just don’t want you to look back at this night and regret anything. Just in case.â€￾

“The only regret I have about us is ever letting you go in the first place. I regret pushing you away. I regret that I let you leave. But this? No, this is the first thing I’ve done right in a long time.â€￾

And though love sometimes hurts, I still put you first
And we’ll make this thing work

“I’m gonna have to disagree with you there. ‘Cause there’s nothing wrong about Brian and Brendan,â€￾ he winked. “I wish I was as sure about us as I am about them.â€￾

“Why are you makin’ this so difficult?â€￾ I asked, half joking, half annoyed. “What’s gonna happen? We fight some more? You leave me and come back again? You cheat on me?â€￾

“Hold up, why am I cheating on you? Why can’t you be the one to cheat on me?â€￾ he interrupted.

“Well fine, I cheat on you. You’re still not leaving me. Are you?â€￾

“But nothing lasts forever, does it?â€￾

“Maybe not,â€￾ I agreed. “But we could last a lifetime if we tried hard enough. I didn’t say it’d be easy, but it’s not impossible.â€￾


“And if we don’t, well then... we just don’t.â€￾

Maybe we’ll live and learn, maybe we’ll crash and burn
Maybe you’ll stay, maybe you’ll leave, maybe you’ll return
Maybe another fight, maybe we won’t survive
Maybe we’ll grow, we never know, baby you and I

“Wow,â€￾ he chuckled, standing up from the bed as Brendan began to stir. “You sure did gain some perspective in the past day or so.â€￾

“You don’t know how crazy that pregnancy was making me,â€￾ I nodded. “But now, I’m ready to bet it all...â€￾

“Unless you don’t care at all,â€￾ he sang to the tune of ‘Frontin’.’ He smiled brightly with a childlike lick of his lips little pink lips. “I’m speechless.â€￾

“Dude, answer me,â€￾ I grinned nervously. I hope he isn’t just setting me up for a big, disappointing ‘No’.

“What was the question, again?â€￾

“Stop,â€￾ I whined. “I don’t have the energy to get down on one knee.â€￾

“I wouldn’t think of it,â€￾ he replied, swaying in little circles around the room with our Brendan. “I just can’t answer you if I don’t know the question.â€￾

“You’re such an a**hole,â€￾ I smiled.

“Don’t say ‘ass’ around my babies,â€￾ he mocked me, feigning shock and disdain.

“I hate you,â€￾ I giggled.

“I love you.â€￾

Geez, as if this isn’t nerve-wracking and embarrassing enough, he’s gonna make me ask him a third time. “Fine,â€￾ I smiled. I paused, allowing another tear to roll down my cheek. “Justin, will you marry me?â€￾

He sat back down on the bed next to me with vivid sapphire eyes. I could tell that he was suppressing a laugh underneath his closed-mouth grin. “Hmmm.â€￾



“Answer me.â€￾

“Of course I will,â€￾ he finally confirmed, leaning in to consume my cheek with short butterfly kisses. “Yes, Michelle. I’d love to be your husband.â€￾

“You better be,â€￾ I said, nudging him with my shoulder. “I can’t believe you just put me through that.â€￾

“Oh, come on. You knew I was gonna say ‘Yes’.â€￾

“I did not,â€￾ I argued. “I was sitting here sweating it out while you were just fuc– just playing with my mind,â€￾ I corrected myself.

“You exaggerate too damn much for your own good.â€￾

“I was sweating. Feel my hand,â€￾ I instructed, holding Brian steadily in my left arm so that Justin could witness the nervous perspiration on my right hand for himself. “See?â€￾

“You couldn’t have really thought I’d say ‘No’ to you.â€￾

“Well you’ve become somewhat erratic in the decisions you’ve made lately. I didn’t know, dude.â€￾

“Shut up,â€￾ he laughed.

I sighed in relief, still gazing down at my baby boy. “So we’re actually engaged, huh?â€￾

“We’re engaged,â€￾ he nodded. He rested his big ass head on my shoulder, letting a short chuckle infect the quiet of the room. “So wait, where’s my ring?â€￾


<span style='color:black'>“I still can’t believe you have kids, dude.â€￾

I looked at JC in complete agreement and then stared through the plate-glass window that separated me from me sons while they slept. “I can’t believe it either. There’s just something terribly wrong about it. But amazingly right,â€￾ I added.


“Listen, I wanna thank you for hanging around here for the past two days,â€￾ I said sincerely. “I know you’re a busy ass man, so I appreciate it.â€￾

“Don’t mention it, man.â€￾

“It really means a lot to me and Chelle.â€￾

“Is that why you pulled me back here, away from everyone else?â€￾ he questioned.

“No,â€￾ I chuckled, finally breaking my gaze from my gorgeous kids. “I wanted to ask you somethin’.â€￾

“Anything, dude.â€￾

“I know it’s a big ass responsibility, and you’re free to say ‘No,’ but would you wanna be Brendan and Brian’s godfather?â€￾

JC’s green-blue eyes lightened with his elation as a smile tugged at his high cheeks. “Are you kidding? Of course, man.â€￾


“Dude, hell yeah,â€￾ he laughed. “I’m – I’d be honored.â€￾

“Thanks,â€￾ I smiled in relief. Are we supposed to hug or somethin’?

“You didn’t even have to ask that.â€￾

“I guess I knew that,â€￾ I rationalized with barely a chuckle. “But you never know what’s goin’ on in people’s heads.â€￾

“I was just hoping I wouldn’t lose this one to Lance or Chris.â€￾

“Well hey, Lance has Bri as a goddaughter and Chris has like eighty sisters, so he’s got his hands full as an uncle. You’re long overdue.â€￾

“This is true.â€￾

“Plus,â€￾ I interrupted, “if you hadn’t hooked up Chelle and Tony Mirano, we might not even have kids.â€￾

“I didn’t hook them up,â€￾ he defended. “I just... reintroduced them.â€￾

“Yeah, thanks for that, by the way.â€￾

“My pleasure,â€￾ he obliviously answered, staring at the nurse, who’d just entered the nursery. “So when are you two taking the big dive?â€￾

“Which one would that be?â€￾

“You know,â€￾ he coerced. “Marriage? Isn’t it about time for you to propose? Or are you gonna pull a Joey and wait another year before you pop the big question?â€￾

“No,â€￾ I chuckled. “Actually–.â€￾

“Hey, Justin?â€￾ I was interrupted by the clicking of heels against the hospital floor tiles. It was Michelle’s cousin, Tiffany, approaching the two of us with an unsure grin on her chocolate face.

I removed myself from being blocked by JC’s position in front of me and gazed at my future cousin-in-law. “What’s up?â€￾

“They sent me down to let you know that your dad and stepmother are here.â€￾

“Oh, okay. Thank you.â€￾

“Should I send them back here, or...â€￾

“I’ll be right out,â€￾ I told her.

“Okay. And also, your mom wants to talk to you and Michelle when Chelle wakes up.â€￾

“Okay,â€￾ I laughed, adding that to my list of sh** to do.

“Okay,â€￾ she replied with a smile. She spun on her heel, almost reaching the end of the hallway before facing the two of us again. “Oh, one more thing.â€￾


“I talked to Chelle. And um, congratulations.â€￾

I gave her a knowing smile and winked back at her. “Thanks.â€￾

“What’s that about?â€￾ JC asked, watching Tiff disappear into the next corner. “Are you and Chelle back together again?â€￾

“Yeah. Actually what I was gonna s–.â€￾

“Hey, you two.â€￾ Again, I was stopped in the middle of my sentence by another gorgeous woman. Eva, in all her petiteness, strutted down the corridor in her sea-green sweatsuit. She came and stood directly between me and JC to watch the kids with us. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you,â€￾ she told JC. “I came back from the caf and you were gone.â€￾

“I was just catchin’ up with J,â€￾ he grinned down at her, resting his elbow on top of her head. “Did you need something?â€￾

“Not really. I just missed you.â€￾ She leaned affectionately into JC’s side, but looked warmly at me. “And how are you?â€￾

“I’m great,â€￾ I grinned, gazing back through the window. “I’m seriously the happiest man in the world right now.â€￾

“I can see. That smile just can’t leave your face, can it?â€￾

“I don’t even want it to.â€￾

“I’m so happy for you two.â€￾

“Thanks,â€￾ I replied, watching Brendan twist and turn in his little bassinet.

“Have you slept at all in the past two or three days?â€￾

“Not really,â€￾ I realized.

“You’re gonna kill yourself if you don’t get some sleep, J. When you guys get home with the twins, you’ll wish you’d slept.â€￾

Yeah, thanks mom. “I can’t sleep. My adrenaline is just crazy right now,â€￾ I explained. “I have kids! Do you know how f***in’ exciting that is?â€￾ I marveled. “Not one son, but two. That, alone, is enough to keep me up for at least a few months,â€￾ I laughed. “And now I’m getting married, I have an album coming out, my video premieres freakin’ tomorrow. I mean, who the hell needs sleep?â€￾

Both of the people beside me seemed to harbor that same air or confusion on their fatigued faces. It was like they wanted to ask a question, but they didn’t know what it was.

“What?â€￾ I finally queried, sick of their curiosity.

“Did I miss something?â€￾ JC asked.

“What? Tomorrow’s the 19th right?â€￾


“So yeah, my video comes out tomorrow.â€￾

“No, it was before that,â€￾ Eva interjected.

“I told y’all my album was coming out in May.â€￾

“Not that, either...â€￾

“Dude, you proposed?â€￾ he asked incredulously.

Damn, I didn’t mean to let it slip like that. Maybe I do need some sleep. “Not exactly.â€￾

“But you are getting married...â€￾

“Uh.â€￾ Well if I tell them, then I guess it’s time to announce it to everyone. “Yeah.â€￾


“We gotta take a break right now,â€￾ LaLa explained from the TV screen, “But when we return, we’re gonna talk more with Christina Aguilera,â€￾ she grinned, butchering her name as always, while the camera zoomed out to show a very classy version of Christina standing beside her. “And we have the world premiere of the latest from my man, Justin Timberlake. We’re gonna call him and see what he’s been up to, too. So stick around – TRL will be right back.â€￾

My publicist got up from her seat and walked across the hospital waiting room to hand me her cell phone. “Do you remember the number?â€￾ she asked.

I thought about it for three seconds and decided that I didn’t. “What time am I supposed to call?â€￾

“When they go to the next commercial.â€￾

“And so, do I talk about everything?â€￾

Heather shrugged and looked up at the television screen in the waiting room. “Are you ready to talk about everything?â€￾

I shrugged back. “I guess. I mean, I don’t really mind, one way or the other.â€￾

“Well, it was in the New York and LA Times yesterday, and I’m sure it’s gonna be the cover story for every tab this week, so if she asks, just go ahead and confirm it. As long as it’s cool with Michelle.â€￾

“She’s cool,â€￾ I nodded.

“You know,â€￾ Jourdyn, who’d been sitting silently with us for the past thirty minutes, interrupted, “I don’t think that now is the time to announce your engagement.â€￾

We both looked at her inquisitively. “Why not?â€￾ Heather asked.

“Well, it’s only been like a day. Y’all should get more time to enjoy it before the media is all up in your grill.â€￾

“Have you seen the street?â€￾ I asked. “They’re flooded with paparazzi. They’re already in our grill.â€￾

“Yeah, and if we don’t feed them with bullsh**, they’ll back off a little,â€￾ Heather imparted.

“They’re not gonna stop until they get the money shot of those kids,â€￾ Jo argued.

Damn, I got so caught up in my happiness that I forgot what I cutthroat business I’m in. “Yeah,â€￾ I agreed.

“Justin, you know you can do whatever you’re comfortable with,â€￾ Heather reminded me.

“What do you suggest?â€￾

“I think you should just spill it. Because if you make them speculate, they’re gonna attack Michelle. They’re gonna harass her for pictures of the twins, they’re gonna search for that engagement ring. You know how it is when a rumor gets started. So I’d suggest just getting it all out there so as to avoid any damage in the long run,â€￾ she explicated.


“Just be very open and honest to make it easier for her, if no one else. Especially if you’re going to continue living in New York or Los Angeles.â€￾

“I think you’re right. Anything to get them to f*** off,â€￾ I chuckled.

“Heather,â€￾ Jo requested, “could you excuse us?â€￾

“Sure,â€￾ she offered, glancing at the 19-inch above us. “Justin, just don’t forget to call when they go to commercial.â€￾

“Right. What’s the number?â€￾

“212,â€￾ she began, pausing for me to enter the numbers in her phone.


“383. 5260.â€￾


“Just make it brief. And remind them of the name of the album and the release date.â€￾

“Got it,â€￾ I winked, watching her disappear from the small, private area. “So what’s up?â€￾ I asked to my best friend.

“I don’t want you to get married,â€￾ she blurted.


“I know. It’s random and selfish as hell, and I know I pushed you to propose back in December, but I thought about it, and I’m not ready for you to get married.â€￾

“Jo, tell me you’re joking,â€￾ I pleaded nervously.

“No. I wish I was,â€￾ she explained, glancing at both of our shoes. “I wish I didn’t feel this way, but I can’t let you get married. I can’t lose you after all these years.â€￾

“Where is this coming from?â€￾ I asked, completely baffled. “How could you think you’d lose me?â€￾

“Because you’re already slipping away from me, J. I’ve watched you and Michelle evolve into this beautiful couple and I’ve watched me and Sydney become more and more estranged from your life.â€￾


“When you’re with Michelle, nothing and no one else matters. And now that you have kids–.â€￾

“Wait a minute. How have I forgotten you? What did I do? I mean, you’re here aren’t you?â€￾

“But not because you’ve pushed me to stick around. It was of my own accord.â€￾

I’m too tired to deal with this sh**. Why now? “That’s not true, Jourdyn. I’ve been just as much a part of your life as you’ve been in mine. And if anyone’s separated themselves in this relationship, it’s been you. You’ve been all up in Brandon’s ass for the past two years, so don’t go there with me.â€￾

“I’ve been what?â€￾

“You f***in’ heard me.â€￾

“Don’t try to be a badass now, Justin. I’m just tryin’ to be honest.â€￾

“Well, I don’t need your honesty five minutes before I have to go talk to half the country.â€￾

“See, there it is. Yet again, me being pushed out of your little world.â€￾

“It’s been the same sh** for twelve years now! What is your problem?â€￾

“The problem is that you’re getting married!â€￾ she shouted. “And I can’t lose you.â€￾

“I’m not going anywhere! Why do you keep saying that?â€￾

“Because marriage changes everything.â€￾

“That’s not true,â€￾ I quipped.

“Oh, so before he got in yesterday, when was the last time you talked to Trace?â€￾

“That’s not fair, Jo.â€￾

“It’s my whole point.â€￾

“He lives in f***in’ England!â€￾

“So that makes it okay? There are phones. There are planes. There’s no reason that two people who’ve known each other their entire lives - that’s twenty-six years you’ve known Trace - should only see each other on Christmas and when children are born.â€￾

“Don’t do this,â€￾ I pleaded.

“Don’t leave me!â€￾ As a lonely tear rushed down her creamy face, my heart broke in half. She’s stuck with me through the most intricate times of my life – happy and heartbreaking. I don’t know how I can just go against her wishes like this, but... I love Michelle. “Don’t get married. Please.â€￾

“Jourdyn,â€￾ I relented, trying to pull her into a hug, “I love you. It’s been you, me and Syd forever. It’s not gonna change now.â€￾

“It already has,â€￾ she sniffled. “You’ve got this album, these kids, and now you want a wife? Time for Jourdyn just doesn’t fit into that.â€￾

“Time for Jourdyn has fit into every previous life I had. This is no different.â€￾

“It is–.â€￾

“Just shut up for a minute,â€￾ I stopped her. “I’ve searched for love for a long time now, Jo. You know that. Whether it was inadvertent or intentional, I looked, I fell, I got my ass kicked by it over and over again. And then, three years ago, it walked right into my life in the form of Michelle. She got me and I can’t let her go.â€￾ I paused to wipe the stream of tears falling from her face and hitting my dark blue sweatshirt. “You, who pushed me and guided me to that love, should understand better than anyone, that it can’t stop here. This is the life that I envisioned from the very beginning. I mean, I did the whole ‘rock star’ deal. It was fun, but that’s not how I wanna remember my life in twenty years.â€￾

See, I refuse to believe that my life’s gonna be
Just some string of incompletes
Never to lead me to anything remotely close to a home life
Been holding out for the home life my whole life

“But why no–.â€￾

“Call it cliche,â€￾ I interrupted again, loosening the embrace I had on her, “but I’ve never wanted anything more than to live the American dream with the bangin’ ass wife, the perfect kids, white picket fence and all that sh**. Now it’s here, staring me in the face, just waiting for me to take advantage of it. You can’t possibly want me to give that up.â€￾

“I don’t want you to give it up. Just... postpone it.â€￾


“Why not?â€￾

“What will it change?â€￾

“I mean, are you really sure about this? You know how you and Chelle can be. What if you completely hate her in like a month?â€￾

“Then, so be it.â€￾

I can tell you this much
I will marry just once
And if it doesn’t work out, give her half of my stuff

“What do you mean, ‘Then so be it’?â€￾

It’s fine with me
We said eternity

“I mean, maybe it won’t work. Maybe this won’t last forever. But in the foreseeable future, there’s no one else in this world that I would rather be with. There’s nothing more connected to my soul than Michelle, Brian and Brendan. And I’m ready to make this official. I’m ready to grow up.â€￾

And I will go to my grave with the life that I gave
Not just some melody line on a radio wave
It dissipates, and soon evaporates
But home life doesn’t change

I finally saw a smile creep across my short friend’s delicate face, giving me a hint of her dimples that reminded me so much of Michelle’s. “Why you gotta grow up without me,â€￾ she chuckled slightly. “I was hoping we could put this off for at least another ten years.â€￾

There was a tap on the glass window where we both turned to see Heather silently waving the pinky/thumb telephone signal to inform me that it was time to call in to TRL. “Jo, I’m sorry...â€￾

“No, go ahead,â€￾ she granted, pulling out of my hug and wiping at her green eyes. “I’m good now.

As I pressed the ‘Send’ button on Heather’s cell, I watched Jourdyn move towards the television and, completely unsolicited, turn down the volume for me. I took a deep breath and waited through the tons of voice prompts and button-pushing before I got to an actual voice on the other end. I was subsequently put on hold while LaLa went through her introductions on air. “Yeah, yeah, yeah,â€￾ I said absently to the television. “Come on.â€￾

As Jourdyn took a seat on the couch just next to where I stood, Heather walked quietly into the room, staring up at the TV as well. “What’s going on?â€￾ she whispered to Jo.

“He’s on hold.â€￾

“Shhh,â€￾ I said. “They’re counting down over here.â€￾

And as the count came to a close, I heard the loud sound of LaLa Vasquez’s boisterous voice on the phone line. “Justin, you there?â€￾

“Yeah, what’s up?â€￾ I answered, getting screams from the audience in reply. “Hey, y’all.â€￾

“What is up, man. You’re a busy man today, aren’t you?â€￾

“Yeah, I guess you could say that,â€￾ I chuckled.

“So, before we get started, lemme be the first to say congratulations on not one, but two baby boys!â€￾

Again, the audience provided the background cheers as I chuckled in gratitude. “Thank you. I appreciate that.â€￾

“How does it feel to be a father?â€￾

“It’s awesome. It’s crazy right now, but I already know that it’s just gonna be amazing.â€￾

“Definitely, definitely. And how’s Michelle?â€￾

“She’s great. You know, she’s just resting up as much as she can before the chaos ensues,â€￾ I laughed.

“I heard that. So is it true that you guys are still at the hospital?â€￾

“Yeah,â€￾ I answered regretfully. “We’ll be on our way back to LA soon, though,â€￾ I lied.

“That’s hot,â€￾ she affirmed, nodding her head. “So, just really quickly, we wanted to clear up one more rumor. We have the cover of Us Weekly,â€￾ she explained, just as a picture of this week’s cover story ‘Justin Timberlake: Bachelor No More,’ flashed onscreen. “Is it true that you two are engaged now?â€￾

As I laughed to play it all off, I looked at Heather and Jourdyn for any sign of what the hell to say in reply. Jourdyn’s sympathetic grin and encouraging eyes told me to just go for it. I’d trust her with my life, and now that I know she’s okay, I am, too. “Yes, that is true. It’s official – we are engaged.â€￾ I guess there’s no turning back now.

I’d love to walk to where we both can talk but
I’ve got to leave you ‘cause my ride is here
Home life

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Postby mtvjunkie » Tue Mar 01, 2005 3:27 pm

She got me and I can’t let her go.
:no: :no: Corny Ash, very corny. But cute ^_^ :lol:

:clap: Yay for them going official on the engagement, I'm glad they announced it because I'm sure they would have backed out of it before long :lol: I hope they live happily ever after. Remember what happy endings are like Ash? :lol:

But anyway, great update :thumbup:

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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Tue Mar 01, 2005 3:52 pm

Their birth times are our birthdays
How cool is that? :yay: Nice little coincidence.

I loved Justin teasing Chelle before he finally said yes to the proposal. :rofl: Sometimes, you just wanna smack him. :lol:

Hooray for the public announcement -- the paps are still gonna annoy the hell out of them. I just hope they don't get too invasive by taking pics of the babies. :unsure: That's gonna be a pain to deal with. :no:

Poor Jourdyn thinking that she's gonna lose her best bud. :( Marriage does change a person's priorities, so she's right in that sense, but I can't see her not being in his life forever.

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Postby Angelpopstar7 » Tue Mar 01, 2005 4:59 pm

Aww i have so much to say about this whole chapter man

For a while...i was thinking that Jo didn't want J to get married cause she was in love with him...thank goodness i was wrong about that whole thing :rofl: she just doesn't want to not be in his life anymore...thats soo cute!

JC's the godfather :wub: poor guy has been waiting his whole life...i loved the line about Chris and his 80 sisters :rofl: that cracked me up :nod:

The time of the twins births being their birthdays...now thats just creapy right there :nod: although its also living proof that they're meant to be together forever :yay: and they're engaged! AHHH Thank goodness someone in that relationship has enough balls to propose :nod: they're sooo freakin cute :wub:

I hope that the pap leaves them alone but for some reason...i don't think that will be happening :no: at least leave em alone for a lil bit :rofl: MORE PLEASE!

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Postby SiMPLYiNSYNC » Tue Mar 01, 2005 7:30 pm

Aw, that's so cute that the twin's birthday times are the same as their birthdays. I read Brian's time and was like "Hey, that's Justin's birthday." Everything I see, read, or hear always comes back to Justin. :lol:

For a minute, I thought Justin was really trying to keep going until he found an excuse not to marry her. I was gonna start bawlin' if that happened. ALSO, Jo trying to stop the wedding. :o I can understand where she's coming from but it may be a now or never situation with how J & Michelle's mood tend to change every like...10 seconds. :huh: I dunno if that made sense. :shrug:

:wub: I'm can't wait for the happy ending. (It IS a happy ending, right?)

Continue doing what you're doing cus you're doing a damn good job. :rofl:

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Postby jts_senorita » Tue Mar 01, 2005 10:46 pm

Aww.. I was so glad to see a chapter up. :D It made my evening.

So... What can I say... It's absoloutly ADORABLE how Justin was teasing her about answering her proposal. He's so cute! Yeah. I thought Jo was gonna confess her love for Justin.. I thought that that would be pretty juicy. :lol: So anyways.. everything's going so well that there BETTER be a happy ending... otherwise you'll have alot of angry timberfans ready to attack! :P Ooooh... And I hope we get a wedding chapter... (and a wedding night! :ph34r: :lol: )

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Postby laura » Wed Mar 02, 2005 5:09 am

:yay: :yay: awwe!!!! im practically giddy!!!! eeeee...there getting married!!!!!!!!! AND there GETTING MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lil confused boy jor's reaction... :blink: but i guess shes right id be upset too if he was getting married! i swear sometimes i gotta remind myself that this is FICTION cuz its just soooo damn goooood!!!! i cant believe its almost over? aw that will be a sad day.... :( but its not today so!!! thanks! im not sure if i want ya to updat soon now or not since its almost over..... :wub: :wub: :shocked: :kiss2:

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Postby PreCiouSbAbY » Sat Mar 05, 2005 12:39 am

Aww..Cute chapter. I'd give you more feedback. But i'm so dead right now.

Update soon!

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Postby justins bubbles » Mon Mar 07, 2005 1:17 am

<span style='color:blue'>:thinking: I have to say that I loved everything about this chapter. :lol: Fraom the teasing, to the LaLa bashing to the blue-green JC eyes and Eva cuddling up to his side... and Jourdyn not wanting him to leaver her. Man, good job.

So... are we waiting on a wedding or we waiting on a wedding? :lol:</span>

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Postby laura » Mon Mar 07, 2005 5:13 am

:blink: aw damn i was so expectin an update............oh well its a bad monday today.... :(

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Postby PreCiouSbAbY » Mon Mar 07, 2005 9:23 pm

<span style='color:purple'><span style='font-family:Arial'>Um dude. where are you! update soon! </span></span>

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Postby marnie » Tue Mar 08, 2005 1:45 pm

yay caught up at long last :lol: this story's amazing, two little boys, cant wait for the wedding!! :wub:

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Postby laura » Thu Mar 10, 2005 12:52 pm

****stomps feet***** ASHLEY JORDIN GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :blink: please????? :P ok so no update....damn......... :(

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Postby BabyBlue2578 » Sun Mar 13, 2005 6:58 pm

<span style='color:gray'>:ph34r: Y'all are gonna have to excuse me for the long waits and then the inexcusably long chapters. I think I'm in denial. I think I'm stalling because I just don't ever want this story to end. :lol: So I took days writing this and it's still not where I want it, but I didn't wanna hold out any longer. So... next chapter starts now. :P

Oh yes, there are a couple of links to a little visual stimuli in this chapter. They're there for you, so use them! And not that kind of stimulation. :lol: :P</span>

<span style='font-family:bernhardfashion bt'><span style='font-size:17pt;line-height:100%'><span style='color:black'>17 - “Damn, Babyâ€￾</span></span></span>

<span style='font-size:10pt;line-height:100%'><span style='color:dodgerblue'>4:30PM on a Saturday in late-April – it’s the wrong time of day to be shopping in midtown. It’s crowded and cool, and not as much fun as I was hoping it would be. I was walking out of the Coach store at the Time-Warner Center, pushing an empty stroller while Brendan was strapped to my front as we wasted the day away, awaiting Daddy’s engagement ring. You wanna talk about weird? Where there the hell it is staring you dead in the face. But f*** it. I love that me and Justin’s relationship isn’t even the slightest bit conventional. Things are much more fun this way. So as he informed me, since I proposed, I get to buy him an engagement ring.

As if my hands weren’t full enough with a baby, a stroller and shopping bags, my cell phone rang loudly from my baby bag/purse, playing Justin’s ring: ‘Like I Love You’. It’s cheesy, yes, but sh**, can’t nobody love him like I love him.

“Yeah?â€￾ I answered, completely unprofessionally. Maternity leave has broken a few bad habits... and started a few worse ones.

“Where you at?â€￾ he demanded, from the other side of town.

“Columbus Circle, but I’m on my way to Madison Avenue. Where are you, babe?â€￾

“Me and Brian just walked in the house,â€￾ he informed me. I could hear him banging around pots and pans in the kitchen.

“What are you doing, J?â€￾

“Sterilizing,â€￾ he stated simply. All that fancy sterilization equipment and he’s using some damn boiling water. “When will y’all be home?â€￾

“I glanced at my watch, realizing that 4:30 was quietly becoming 5:00, and I’d yet to make it to pick up this silly ring. “Soon,â€￾ I promised.

“‘Soon’ like ‘five minutes’? Or ‘Soon’ like ‘I might be home before Monday morning’?â€￾

“More like the latter,â€￾ I laughed, supporting Brendan’s head as he coughed into my chest. “Actually, maybe we shouldn’t go out tonight, J. I think my baby is getting sick.â€￾

“Me? No, I feel fine,â€￾ he joked.

“No, stupid. Brian was just coughing.â€￾

“Chelle, I’m lookin’ at him now and he’s perfectly fine, swingin’ in his chair.â€￾

“I mean, not Brian. Brendan.â€￾

“Our kids are gonna grow up traumatized if you don’t learn their names, Chelle.â€￾

“Shut up. I’m serious. Maybe we should stay in tonight.â€￾

“B, your mama is insane,â€￾ I heard him divulge to Brian in the background. “Chelle, Brendan is just fine. Kids cough.â€￾

“But what if he’s getting sick? Maybe he doesn’t have on enough clothes. I don’t wanna–.â€￾

“Michelle,â€￾ he stopped me, chuckling lightly, “shut up. We’re going out tonight. I think we’ve waited long enough.â€￾ Lord knows that’s the truth.

“Justin! Don’t talk like that in front of the kids.â€￾

“You really are crazy,â€￾ he laughed as another pot banged in the background.

“Well, I’m gonna let you finish sterilizing,â€￾ I chuckled back. “Don’t let him eat too much, ‘cause you know he’s finicky after that. I’ll be home soon.â€￾

“Y’all have fun.â€￾

“You, too.â€￾

“And stop breast-feeding in public, Michelle. It’s not sexy.â€￾

“You’re not sexy,â€￾ I laughed. “Now get off my phone. You’re wasting my daytime minutes.â€￾

“It’s the weekend, dumbass.â€￾

“Kiss my baby for me,â€￾ I ignored him.

“Love you.â€￾

“More.â€￾ I smiled to the passersby as I waited for him to hang up the phone. I know I looked crazy to them, smiling at nothing, but I didn’t care. I was freakin’ giddy. This was the life I’ve been waiting for. I’m a happy, healthy, mommy, wifey, and whatever else there is that ends in ‘Y’. Who could ask for anything more? Maybe a number one song for Justin, but I have no problem settling for where he is at number three.

Oh yes, I could ask for a ring. “What do you say we head to the Upper East Side and see what Fred could do for us?â€￾ I asked Brendan. His tiny, smiling hazel eyes and tired yawn were enough confirmation for me. “Well, okay then.â€￾


<span style='color:black'>Dude, I f***in’ love Saturdays. I always did, unless I had to work, but today, I’ve realized that there’s nothing in the world greater than spending a sunny Saturday afternoon with my son. Hell, we haven’t even done anything but hang out at JC’s apartment and pick up the final version of the engagement ring I designed for Chelle. But still, I had such a good damn time doing it.

It’s so inspiring to watch your son light up and smile that toothless grin because of something you did to cajole him. And then Brian has a dimple in his left cheek that beautifully reminds me of Michelle. It’s crazy how much I can love two people that I’ve only known for a month. But then, it was love at first sight with their mom, too, so why should this be any different?

Evening was settling into the city of New York, and I’d put Brian down for his eighth nap of the day when Michelle and Brendan came promenading through the door with shopping bags strapped to every corner of Bren’s stroller. “Hey, you,â€￾ I said to them, getting up to unstrap our son from Chelle’s chest. “How was your day?â€￾

“Long,â€￾ she sighed, relieving her hair of the messy, curly ponytail that it was in. “How about yours?â€￾

“It was good,â€￾ I nodded, smiling at Brendan. “Hey, buddy. You have fun today?â€￾ I asked him, getting a big yawn in return. I gave Chelle a kiss on her cheek and walked with her back to the couch. “Jo said she’ll be here at eight o’clock, sharp.â€￾

“Wow, she finally agreed to babysit?â€￾

“Yeah, but only if Eva agreed to back her up.â€￾

“How ironic that I get the one Desperate Housewife without any kids to watch my babies,â€￾ she laughed, settling into the couch. “I can’t believe we’re actually gonna be alone tonight.â€￾

“It’s been so long,â€￾ I agreed, noticing my son becoming antsy. “Has he eaten?â€￾

“Yeah, I just fed him on the way home.â€￾

“Damn. You always leave the dirty part for me,â€￾ I laughed, getting up from the sofa again. She stood up as well, to follow me into the nursery, where I headed to change Brendan’s diaper. “Are you all packed?â€￾

“What do I need to pack for?â€￾

“Chelle,â€￾ I whined, retrieving a diaper from the huge collection that Ellen gave us.

“What?â€￾ She walked to Brian’s side of the room, gazing into his crib as if it contained some sort of miracle. Oh, wait. It did.

“The only job you had to do was pack. I got the hotel, the dinner reservations – all you had to do was pack.â€￾

“Dude, what’s the point in packing more clothes when you’re just gonna take off the ones I’ll be wearing,â€￾ she smiled coyly.

“I like the way you think, mama.â€￾

“I thought you would.â€￾ She reclaimed her position beside me at the changing table, rubbing my back as she watched. “Don’t forget the powder.â€￾

“I know how to change a diaper.â€￾

“Well then act like it.â€￾

“I am. I already put powder on him.â€￾

“That’s not enough, Justin.â€￾

“That’s more than enough. There’s no point in wasting it.â€￾

“There’s no point in being cheap about our kids. Use the damn powder,â€￾ she demanded, slapping my hand away from the diaper. “Move. I’ll finish.â€￾

“No, you move.â€￾

“Justin, I’m serious. Get out of the way.â€￾

“I’m serious, too. I was here first.â€￾ I quickly fastened the sides of the diaper and picked my son up to take him back to the living room. I sat cross-legged on the couch, holding Brendan in my lap. I love watching them try to hold their heads up.

“You’re an a**hole,â€￾ she huffed, walking into the room and plopping onto the recliner across from the couch.

“You are, too. But I love you anyway.â€￾ I watched her roll her eyes and turn on the stereo to ignore me. “You’re acting like a twelve-year-old.â€￾

“Takes one to know one.â€￾

“Do you see Mommy over there being an idiot?â€￾ I asked Bren, turning him to face her. “Look at her. She’s the most gorgeous person in the world. Even when she’s being stupid.â€￾

“Shut up,â€￾ she smiled.

“Do you wanna take a shower first, or should I?â€￾

“I have to get dressed up?â€￾ she complained.

“Hell no,â€￾ I shot back quickly. She knows I don’t ‘dress up’. “Just be clean, baby.â€￾

“Wow, I don’t think I’ve been clean in weeks.â€￾

“That’s why tonight is special. No food in your hair, no drool on your shirt. Just you and me, baby.â€￾


It took forever to tear Michelle apart from Bren and Brian. As soon as Jourdyn set foot in the apartment, Chelle just held on for dear life. I have to admit, it was pretty hard to leave them after not being away from them in six weeks. But eventually, we got the hell on, checked in at The Ritz and then headed to dinner at the Rainbow Room Grill. It was an upscale, romantic kinda joint that overlooked Rockefeller Center.

If I’d been anyone else, we wouldn’t even have gotten through the door without dressy attire, but I just happen to be me, so it wasn’t a problem. I don’t think parents should have to dress up for anything, anyway – it’s just tedious and time-consuming. And Lord knows we need all the free time we can get. So we did the casual deal, both clad in jeans, me in a polo shirt, and Chelle in a light purple V-neck sweater that I really wish she hadn’t worn, because it was becoming increasingly difficult to watch her new huge breasts with a damn table between us. But hey, thank God for breast-feeding.

“What are you getting?â€￾ she asked, scanning the menu for the fourth time.

“I... don’t know,â€￾ I replied, scanning her chest for the fourth time.

“I think I want some steak.â€￾

“Umm, let’s see... you wanna get the beef sirloin?â€￾

“Dude, it’s seventy-five bucks!â€￾

“Dude, it’s for both of us,â€￾ I mocked her. “Or you can get your own, and I can get chicken and then we can share.â€￾

“No... I’m not gonna eat a whole steak by myself.â€￾

Damn, things have changed in two months. She would’ve eaten two steaks if she were pregnant. “So... you wanna share?â€￾

“Yeah. I mean, I guess.â€￾

“Are you okay?â€￾


“You sure?â€￾

“I miss my babies,â€￾ she confided. “Would you mind if I called to check in?â€￾

I laughed out loud because she read my mind. On the way to the restaurant, all I could think about was them. “No, please do.â€￾

“Am I pitiful?â€￾

“Not at all,â€￾ I said, taking a sip of my cognac. “I was gonna sneak off to the bathroom and call.â€￾

“Oh, okay, so then you’re the pitiful one.â€￾

“Shut up and dial,â€￾ I smiled. “And let me talk when you’re done.â€￾

I watched in anticipation as she called Jourdyn and went through the usual small talk while I ordered for the two of us. I knew the exact moment that Jo put one of our kids on the line because her smile grew about ten sizes bigger, her eyes lit up like nobody’s business, and her speaking voice went up two octaves. It was a stunning thing to witness. But then, I always have been partial to the mother and son interaction. I wasn’t even mad when she hung up without letting me speak to anyone.

“They’re fine,â€￾ she sighed in elation. “Jo said that Eva was getting Bren back to sleep, so I could only talk to Brian, but all four of them are just fine.â€￾

I grinned in satisfaction and went back to my drink. “So what did you buy them today? I never got a chance to peek in all those damn bags you came in with.â€￾

“Just a bunch of clothes,â€￾ she shrugged. “Benetton had this big ass sale, so I kinda went crazy in there. Which reminds me – I should probably apologize for the credit card bill now,â€￾ she smiled meekly.

“Well as long as you pay it, I don’t give a damn,â€￾ I laughed obliviously.

She dipped her fingers into her glass of cold water and sprinkled me with the remnants. “I can’t pay anything until I go back to work, because thanks to you and your damn ring, I’m broke now.â€￾

“Thanks to me?â€￾ I incredulously replied. “What the hell did I do?â€￾

She cheerfully removed her big purple Gap purse from the chair beside us and pulled out a miniature black Fred Leighton shopping bag with ‘Timberlake’ written across the top in silver. “This is why I’m broke,â€￾ she smiled, transferring a small black and silver ring box from the bag. She rose from her seat and walked to my side of the table, dropping to her right knee. She opened the tiny box to http://rockstar.tasting-eden.com/Justin_ring.jpgreveal a simple platinum band with the sparkle of diamonds intricately spaced across the width of the ring, very similar to Cartier’s screw motif. Even more beautiful was that Michelle’s smile beamed brighter and more radiantly than those diamonds ever could. “So, I’m gonna ask one more time, just to make sure you’re sure,â€￾ she explained. “Will you marry me?â€￾

I took a deep breath, licked my lips, and pulled her from the floor so that she was standing again at her regular five-foot-four height. “That depends,â€￾ I began, removing my own ring box from the depths of my jeans’ pocket. I duplicated her actions, descending to my knee, looking up at her in an enchanted anticipation while she grinned down at me tenderly. I opened the box, http://rockstar.tasting-eden.com/Chelle_ring.jpgtaking out the platinum ring that resembled two rings – a platinum band and a diamond-paved band – spiraled into one. I delicately took her hand into mine, placing the band on the appropriate appendage, admiring the way it sensually scrolled around her finger in a never-ending fashion. The two-in-one spiral was entwined, infinitely – just like we are. I must say, I did a pretty damn good job designing that sh**. “Michelle, would you marry me?â€￾

Tears rushed down her cheeks because I’m pretty sure she wasn’t expecting that. I know I led her on thinking that she had to buy me a ring, but come on. We may be weird and unconventional, but I’m not completely devoid of tradition. “I hate you,â€￾ she sniffled, “but I love you so f***in’ much, dude. Of course I will.â€￾

I laughed into a smile as I rose to my own two feet and gave her a big ass hug and kiss to her cheek while the other restaurant patrons applauded and commended us in cheers. “In that case, yes, I’ll marry you, too,â€￾ I whispered to her.

“Here’s your old stupid ring that you made me buy,â€￾ she laughed, pulling away to hand me the gorgeous ring she made for me, still sitting pretty in its box. She went back to her seat, gazing at her new decoration in wonderment. “This is gorgeous, Justin. I’m proud of you.â€￾

Sitting back down in my seat, I gave her a smile that was nothin’ but cheese. “Thanks, baby.â€￾

“I’m glad that was a ring box in your pocket, though, ‘cause I was starting to think that you were just a little too excited about tonight,â€￾ she chuckled.

“You can never be too excited about having sex for the first time in damn near eleven months.â€￾ That’s when my eyes trailed back down to her sweater, which contained my two favorite wedding gifts already. I licked my lips at all that perfect cleavage that I just couldn’t wait to get my hands on. I was gonna tear that...

“Justin!â€￾ she snapped. My attention was immediately directed back to her adorable round face that contained a playful, but annoyed air about it. “Just get through dinner for me, okay?â€￾

I nodded and took another sip of my Remy Martin. “For you.â€￾


<span style='color:dodgerblue'>As it turns out, Justin couldn’t complete the simple act of sitting through our meal without exploding, so the two of us sped through our steak dinner and tiramisu for dessert so that we could get back to our hotel room and really get this night started.

When we pulled up to The Ritz-Carlton, half the staff was planted at the entrance to the parking garage, awaiting our arrival. Sometimes, I love the perks that come along with the Timberlake name, but when you just wanna be alone, it’s aggravating to have the paparazzi on one side of the street and then fifty more strangers yelling, ‘Welcome back, Mr. Timberlake’ as soon as you open your car door.

But we braved the storm and tiptoed through the hotel lobby as quickly as possible. “They promised us privacy,â€￾ he commented in annoyance. “I hate this sh**.â€￾

“Just be glad B and Bren aren’t with us.â€￾ I rubbed his back softly as we waited for the elevator to arrive. “They’d f***in’ blind and deafen my babies.â€￾

“And I’d have to f***in’ beat and kill them all,â€￾ he shot back evenly. “This sh** is ridiculous.â€￾

One of the two elevators to our left quietly opened and I coerced him into the elegant glass car along with me. “Don’t worry about it, babe. It’s you and me now.â€￾

“Yeah, and all of them.â€￾

“Look, the photographers couldn’t get into the hotel if they tried, and half the people that work here don’t have the access key to get onto our floor, so don’t worry about it.â€￾

“I’m not worried. I’m f***in’ pissed off.â€￾

“Justin, do not ruin our night because of them. Not when you got all this to get excited about,â€￾ I joked, striking a pose in front of him. His frown quickly faded and reverted to a smile as he leaned down to kiss my bare neckline. I giggled into the top of his head as his lips quickly found the somewhat risque cleavage that my new-mother breasts were creating, and his slight blond-ish stubble tickled the same area. It suffices to say that J is obsessed with them. “Baby, not in the elevator,â€￾ I whispered.

“Oh, come on. No one’s here but us.â€￾

“It’s a glass elevator!â€￾

He nuzzled his nose into my chest, asking quietly, “Since when are you shy about public sex?â€￾

“Since I’m a mother and I can see the hundred people in the lobby,â€￾ I laughed, willing him to stop licking me.



“Baby, please.â€￾

The elevator doors opened again to reveal the eighteenth level of the hotel. “We’re here now,â€￾ I said in relief, walking towards our private block of the floor. “So close.â€￾

“But so far away.â€￾

I searched my pockets for the room key, finding nothing but a receipt from Rite-Aid for condoms. “Where’d this come from?â€￾

“Oh, I put it in there.â€￾

“Why?â€￾ He shrugged and pulled his own key from his own pocket, opening the door to our unnecessarily large suite. “You are so random,â€￾ I laughed, slapping his denim-covered ass as he walked into the room before me.

“It’s my specialty.â€￾

I happily followed him into the beige and white wallpapered room, noticing the delectable scent of strawberries and vanilla. I looked to my left, finding the dining room table decorated in rose petals, surrounding an ice bucket, champagne bottles and an open bottle of Moet et Chandon. Splashes of lit candles accentuated each corner of the living room portion of the suite and led sensually towards the bedroom.

“You’re pullin’ out all the stops tonight, huh?â€￾ I beamed. “This is gorgeous, J.â€￾

“Hate to break it, but I didn’t do this,â€￾ he chuckled, staring at the room in awe along with me.

“Oh, don’t be modest.â€￾

“I’m serious.â€￾

I walked to the table containing the champagne, searching for any kind of insight as to where the beautiful surprise could’ve originated. “You liar,â€￾ I finally proclaimed, finding nothing.

“I’m not lying!â€￾

“Well, where did it come from?â€￾

“Your guess is as good as mine.â€￾ Joining me at the table, he picked up the wine glasses, the ice bucket, and told me to follow him to the bedroom.

Before he could even pour the wine into the glasses, I removed every object from his possession, placing them on the dresser behind us. “I’ve waited too damn long to drink this night into oblivion,â€￾ I smiled, hopping onto the king-sized bed, which was also decorated in red rose petals, so that we could stand somewhat face-to-face when he approached the bed. “Come here.â€￾

“You look like a big ass kid,â€￾ he noticed.

“I feel like one, too. Come here,â€￾ I whined. I watched him teasingly walk towards me as slowly as humanly possible, resting his hands on my hips and gazing up at me in amusement. “Stop staring at me and kiss me, stupid.â€￾

We got this room for two
One thing I’ve left to do: discover me, discovering you

“Dude, you’re the tall one here, so it’s on you.â€￾

“Oh, it’s like that?â€￾ I grabbed his shirt by the collar, playfully shoving him onto the bed and straddling him once he was flat on his back.

“Well aren’t you swift?â€￾ he chuckled, lifting his head to inspect his position.

“You don’t know how good it feels to be able to move that quickly.â€￾ And I was just getting started on my list of sh** that felt good. Without thinking, I took an immediate dive for his little heart-like pink lips, pushing my tongue through to instantly connect with his. I eventually left his lips, allowing both of us to breathe, but continued a fluttering pattern of kisses across his delicate face, indulging in the salty-and-sweet taste of his perfectly peach-tinted skin.

One mile to every inch of your skin like porcelain
One pair of candy lips and your bubblegum tongue

His massive hands moved from their seemingly permanent connection on my ass up to my waist and soon ventured through what lied beneath my sweater, removing my strapless bra in his signature fleeting, solitary motion.

“I love when you do that,â€￾ I chuckled into his neck.

He inadvertently lifted the cashmere of my sweater as his fingers lightly traced across my nipples. “And I love to do it,â€￾ he whispered back.

And if you want love, we’ll make it
Swimming a deep sea of blankets
Take all your big plans and break ‘em
This is bound to be a while

I mimicked his actions, running my hands over his rippled abdomen while my lips lingered on any bare skin that his shirt collar didn’t cover. I walked my fingers up to his chest, finally becoming greedy and pulling off his shirt to reveal and endless canvas of vanilla, muscled perfection.

Your body is a wonderland

Before I knew it, he rolled over, flipping the two of us so that he was on top and I was the one at his mercy. I moaned at his delicate touch along my sides, his lips moving slowly down my jawline just as I felt the existent bulge in his pants increase against my thigh. I instinctively ran my fingers across the barely-there hair at his neck, anxiously waiting for him to unbutton my jeans.

You tell me where to go, and though I might leave to find it
Never let your head hit the bed without my hand behind it

Suddenly, the kisses stopped, the touching and feeling stopped, and he sat up. “Do you hear that?â€￾

“What?â€￾ I asked frantically.

“It’s your phone.â€￾


“Your phone. It’s ringing in the other room,â€￾ he acknowledged. “Whose ring is ‘Senorita’?â€￾

Ugh. No. Not. Now. “Eva.â€￾

“Something could be wrong with the kids,â€￾ he realized, rushing out of the bed.

Damn, baby
You frustrate me

I trailed him to the living room where he answered my cell. I didn’t get much from the conversation besides a series of affirmations and concerned inquiries. He gave me reassuring smiles along the way but continued to frown every time he received another piece of information. Probably my immense horniness talking here, but the way he stood shirtless in the middle of the room was driving me insane. Obviously the abs were certainly working for him, but seeing his concern for our children was dangerously sexy to me.

I know you’re mine, all mine, all mine
But you look so good it hurts sometimes

“What’s up?â€￾ I requested, watching him close my Motorola. “Are they okay?â€￾

“Yeah,â€￾ he sighed. “She just wanted to let us know that Bren had a little cough.â€￾

“I told you he was sick!â€￾

“He’s not sick.â€￾

“He is, Justin. Did I get my baby sick?â€￾ I walked back into the bedroom to retrieve my bra, as well as my lavender Pumas. “I can’t believe this.â€￾

“Chelle, what are you doing?â€￾

“We have to go home.â€￾

“He is not sick.â€￾

“Yes he is! Take me home, Justin.â€￾ I frenetically gathered my purse and searched for my jacket in the dim room, blowing out the candles as I passed them. “Let’s go!â€￾

“Come here,â€￾ he directed, grabbing my arm.

“Justin, we have to–.â€￾

“Come here,â€￾ he repeated. “E said that he’s fine. Now you trust her, don’t you?â€￾

“Yes. But–.â€￾

“Then leave it at that.â€￾

“Why did she have to call then?â€￾

“She wanted to make sure that we knew and asked if we had anything to give him.â€￾

“But my baby is sick,â€￾ I frowned.

“He’s not sick. He’s a baby. They cough, they sneeze, they sniffle. You can’t drop everything because of it.â€￾

“But it’s my baby.â€￾

“I know,â€￾ he sympathized, pulling me into his arms. “He’s fine.â€￾

As I inhaled his intoxicating man-scent, I relaxed considerably, realizing that he was right. But more importantly, he was right there. And dude, we’re at almost eleven months and counting. I threw my purse back to the adjacent couch, kicked off my shoes again and brought him to the dining table. “Let’s get this sh** underway, right?â€￾

“Finally,â€￾ he agreed, hoisting me onto the table top. He rested his hands at the base of my hips and claimed the sensitive area behind my ears with his invigorating tongue action. It easily sent me melting into him, grazing his back with my fingertips that were just itching to get a feel of him. I sighed into his lips as they fragilely snuck to my face, initiating a series of damp kisses around my mouth area. “Chelle?â€￾ he paused.


“I – Umm... I’m worried about Brendan.â€￾

Well sh**, I wasn’t expecting to hear that. “Okay?â€￾

“I wanna go home.â€￾

“What? Why?â€￾

“Because... what if he’s sick?â€￾

“But you just convinced me that he’s fine, J.â€￾

“But I didn’t convince myself,â€￾ he meekly responded. “Can we just go home?â€￾

Yeah, sure. Get me this far and take it all back. That’s fine.


As you might’ve guessed, we packed it up and took our asses home. Yes, I was excited about gettin’ some for the first time in forever, but we do happen to be parents now, so our kids come first, no matter what. Besides, I was startin’ to miss my babies.

It was somewhere around 12:30AM when me and Justin entered our building. I stood sleepily in his arms as he protected me from the mild cool of the springtime air at midnight, while the elevator carried us to our floor. As disappointed as I was when we left the hotel, I was now elated to walk in the house and see our kids sleeping peacefully. As pitiful as it may be, I’m in love with my sons and there’s nothing more fulfilling than just being with them.

We walked into a suspiciously quiet and dark apartment, finding nothing on but the light over the stove in the kitchen. “You think they’re asleep already?â€￾ I asked.

“If I know Jo, she’d be knocked out on the couch with the TV on.â€￾

“Well, where could they be? It’s almost one in the morning!â€￾

“Shh. If they are here, you don’t wanna wake them up.â€￾

I rushed quickly to the nursery, only to gaze into an empty room, followed by the same result when I went to our bedroom. “They’re not here,â€￾ I announced, walking back to the foyer. Justin stood on the kitchen side of the kitchen counter, reading through what I assumed and prayed to be a note from one of our babysitters. “It’s not a ransom note, is it?â€￾

“No,â€￾ he chuckled, “it’s from Eva.â€￾

“Well, what does it say?â€￾

“Ha. Ha. You guys are dorks that couldn’t even stay away from your kids for one night. Get a life. We’re hanging out with Uncle Josh uptown. Be back in the morning. And don’t even think about coming to get them. Enjoy your night. With love, E-Lo and Jo-P.â€￾

I let out an immense sigh of relief and smiled at my fiancé. “We are dorks,â€￾ I acknowledged.

“We ruined our night for no damn reason,â€￾ he chuckled.

“No one can say we don’t love our kids, though,â€￾ I laughed with him. I hopped on top of the counter to give him a quick peck on the cheek. “I’m goin’ to take a shower. If you fall asleep, then goodnight, baby.â€￾

His tired eyes blinked slowly as he grinned. “Love you.â€￾

“More,â€￾ I automatically replied, heading towards our bedroom.

I instinctively rolled up my sleeve to turn on the shower water before quickly pulling off my clothes, placing them neatly on the bathroom counter and stepping into the glass shower stall. As the hot water poured over my head, I relaxed fully and completely, luxuriating in the concept of just become one with the water. It gave me the urge to finally finish what Justin and I had started, one way or another. I let my left hand run the length of my entire torso with a direct destination of my southernmost erogenous zone.

“Want some company?â€￾

I licked my lips at the sound of Justin’s voice, feeling the cold air hit my wet body when he opened the shower stall’s door. Watching him walk in, the tingling sensation in my body went crashing through me in the same manner that the hot water hit our bodies so fiercely.

“I hope you plan on being gentle,â€￾ I smiled coquettishly. “Last time we tried this, you scared the hell out of me.â€￾

His rosy cheeks flustered into an even deeper shade of pink as he moved towards me. “How ‘bout you shut up,â€￾ he smirked.

“How ‘bout you–.â€￾ My words were ceased by an intense kiss that sent me hitting the wet glass behind me. My slippery hands clasped at the back of his neck while we both devoured one another with erratic kisses.

You’re a song written by the hands of God
Don’t get me wrong, ‘cause this might sound to you a bit odd
But you own the place where all my thoughts go hiding
Right under your clothes is where I’ll find them

This is what I’ve been waiting so long for – his warm, glistening body pressed against mine so that I couldn’t even tell where he began and I ended. There was only steam and water to act as a separate entity in that glass encapsulation. His busy lips left my facial region and traced down my neck to give his attention to my D cups. While his mouth concentrated on teasingly sucking at one, his hand impulsively massaged the other, firming my sensitive nipples more than they already were, and adding to the quiver I previously had vibrating through my stomach.

Underneath your clothes, there’s an endless story
There’s the man I chose, there’s my territory
And all the things I deserve for being such a good girl

“Justin,â€￾ I moaned, extending my fingers through the short softness of his dark, wet hair.

A muffled “Whatâ€￾ escaped his lips, full of my bosom.

“Don’t stop, you idiot,â€￾ I shot back.

With a playful roll of his eyes, he went back to sucking and licking, his smooth, wet hands sliding down to my hips and squeezing my ass before pulling me up to the wall so that our waists were at a matching level. Unprompted, I locked my legs around him, holding on to the top of the shower stall as I waited for him to find his way inside me.

Honestly, before he could even get all the way in, I began that orgasmic shake – you know those first stages of the orgasm where you’re about to totally lose your damn mind. I couldn’t say anything; I don’t even think I was breathing at that point. It just felt so damn good to have that familiar feeling of the love of my life inside of me.

Because of you, I forgot the smart ways to lie
Because of you, I’m running out of reasons to cry
When the friends are gone, when the party’s over
We will still belong to each other

I grabbed onto his neck so that I was no longer relying on the wall for leverage, but him instead. Our dripping wet bodies heaved against each other and as I moved up and down against him, the thrusts became delightfully deeper and more intense than the last. The water cascading down our bodies, mixed with the steamy atmosphere gave little to no room for replenishing the air supply and my hitched breathing became tiny pants of air every now and then.

I love you more than all that’s on the planet
Moving, talking, walking, breathing
Know it’s true, but babe, it’s so funny
You almost don’t believe it

Even so, I moved my hips over his, trying to keep up with his rhythm, as fluidly as my energy would allow me to. Frenzied kisses only added to the tactile eruption that our carnal explorations were sure to soon provide. His light, whimper-like grunts sent an abstract message to move faster. My walls seemed to draw him in with an unwillingness to ever let go. And then I felt that shiver that was soon to make way to an explosion. “Justin,â€￾ I moaned loudly.

In return, I got back a hoarse whisper of my own name. “Miche...â€￾ Well, part of it anyway. His breathing was even more chaotic than mine. I still managed to get the point, just when that customarily satisfying, warm sensation went shooting through my body. His eyes closed and he slowed down to a very slow sway, allowing my limp body to rest on his until I slid down to the cool shower floor.

Wet from sweat and water, I wiped the soaked clumps of hair from my face and tried to catch my breath with my head rested against the glass wall. I tiredly watched him join me on the floor and nestle his head somewhere between my shoulder and my chest.

“Your heart is beating fast as hell,â€￾ he managed to get out, chuckling through his nose. “Damn.â€￾

As every voice is hanging from the silence
Lights are hanging from the ceiling
Like a lady tied to her manners
I’m tied up to this feeling

I rested my hand on the back of his neck and gave him an identical, unaffected, but amused laugh. ‘Damn’ is right.</span></span>

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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Sun Mar 13, 2005 7:48 pm

Damn IS Right. :rofl: That last part sure was hot and fulfilling. It's been such a long time since they've had time to themselves to get back in touch with the sexual aspect of their relationship. Glad they had such fun in the shower. :lol: The dry spell is over!! :yay:

They are such parents, though. They can't even have a night out on the town without rushing back home. :rofl: They don't need the fancy dinners and hotel rooms when they have their babies to make them happy. That's all you need right there.

The rings are beautiful. ^_^ They keep making this relationship more and more official. Now all we need is a wedding. :pray: And a happy ending!

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Postby jts_senorita » Sun Mar 13, 2005 9:44 pm

Woo! That was HOT! :drool: :lol:

Aww... Justin's such a sweetie. I :wub: him. He's so sweet with his babies. And with Michelle. Awwwwww.... :wub: :lol: So yeah. It's to bad that they had to leave their fancy hotel room, but it's ok though cause they still had fun.

I actually found this whole chapter really funny. Just the dialogue between them made me laugh alot. :D

I don't want this story to ever end!!! :( I wanna hear about Justin and Michelle untill they're both 85! :lol:

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Postby Bluechic01 » Sun Mar 13, 2005 10:04 pm

Whoo :whip: :fans self: The BEST shower sex I've ever had! I mean...errr they had :D That was hot! :drool:

Aww I think its so cute how they can't stay away from B and Bren, they're such an adorable family! And dude, I want Chelle's breasts! Maybe I should pop out a couple of kids eh? lol

It was so adorable how they proposed to each other in the restaurant AGAIN with their rings lol. The rings are gorgeous...I love em! After that shower scene, it looks like Miss Chelle gon be popping out some mo kids! lol. Oh not too soon kids.

I loved the chapter and it was beautifully written as usual Ash! :hug: Loves it!

Update soon!

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Postby SiMPLYiNSYNC » Mon Mar 14, 2005 1:07 am

D-d-d-d-damnnnnn. That was hot. :drool: I wouldn't be surprised if Michelle got pregnant again. :rofl:

Ah, I love how they are Mommy and Daddy now. Too cute. ^_^ Their rings are awesome, too.

I also love how Justin shortens everybody's name...even if they're short already. Eva is E, JC is C. :rofl:

*sigh* I love chapter, story, and you. :hug: Now for the wedding!

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Postby mtvjunkie » Mon Mar 14, 2005 7:58 am

If I get engaged, I'm gonna forward those ring pics to my man :nod: :lol: I was looking forward to more visual stimulation but that'll have to do.

As for the sex... woah, I wanna do that :yay: And darn it, their parental concern is really rather adorable :wub:

Great update :clap: I'm really looking forward to the wedding now :nod:

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Postby Angelpopstar7 » Mon Mar 14, 2005 3:45 pm

:drool: DAMN! That was one hot chapter! :jawdrop: i was reading that last night at like 11:30 and my word i was wide awake after that lol

thats so cute how worried they were about the boys :wub: the days of being a young parent :rofl: thats gonna be my cousin in 6 weeks i have a feeling lol its good to see parents who actually care about their kids :nod:

their dinner sounded so cute! and the rings :wub: they're soo adorable! i loved em both so much! i still can't get over the fact that Chelle bought him a ring :rofl: thats just priceless right there

as for the sex scene...i'm speachless i really am...all i can say is that someday i better find Justin and make that come true :rofl: MORE PLEASE!

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Postby justins bubbles » Mon Mar 21, 2005 5:04 pm

<span style='color:blue'>So... yeah. That was hot, Ash. I was about to be disappointed when they went home. <_< Another reason I'm not looking foward to having kids. :lol: I'm too selfish.

But I am glad to see that they're back on track and getting married! ^_^ Man O Man!

You know, sometimes I wonder if I'd like Michelle if this were true. :lol: </span>

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Postby jts_senorita » Mon Mar 21, 2005 6:56 pm


This doesn't really need to be bumped, because it's only second on the board... but I'm bumping it anyway because I love it. :wub:

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Postby marnie » Tue Mar 22, 2005 9:41 am

dam that was one hot chapter....and the rings are beautiful!!!

ash please update.......cant wait to read more!!

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Postby Angelpopstar7 » Thu Mar 24, 2005 12:13 pm

Miss Ashley when are we gettin an update??? :nono:

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Postby BabyBlue2578 » Fri Mar 25, 2005 12:37 am

<span style='color:gray'>:ph34r: Y'all will have to excuse me for taking FOREVER. School is really a big biatch around this time of year, though. I so wanna quit. :lol: Plus, I'm still in the 'I don't wanna end this story' mode, so I admit that I'm stalling, too. But here's another boring chapter to entertain y'all. :P :D

By the way, I've got up a new layout (that'll be soon coming down :lol:) at http://rockstar.tasting-eden.commy site for anyone that's interested. :D</span>

<span style='font-family:bernhardfashion bt'><span style='font-size:17pt;line-height:100%'><span style='color:dodgerblue'>18 – “Can I Have My Cake?â€￾</span></span></span>

<span style='color:black'>“Justin!â€￾ Chelle called to me from the kitchen, “Telephone!â€￾ I don’t know why she was yelling. I was sitting only a few feet from her in the living room.

“Who is it?â€￾

“It’s Heather!â€￾ The enticing aroma of bacon and hash browns emanated from the kitchen, coercing me to rise from the couch with Brian enveloped in my arms, headed for Michelle’s area of the apartment. “She said you–â€￾

“I’m right here,â€￾ I informed her with a chuckle, grabbing the phone from where she had it cradled between her shoulder and ear. I watched her push scrambled eggs around a large, black and silver pan, wondering why the hell she was making so much food. But I ignored it and commenced my conversation. “Good mornin’,â€￾ I greeted cheerfully.

“Hey, Justin. I’m so sorry to be disturbing you on a Sunday morning.â€￾

“Don’t worry ‘bout it. What’s up?â€￾

“Well, I was just going through my e-mails and I got a very interesting one from Dave Sirulnick over at MTV.â€￾


“You interested?â€￾ she stopped to question.

“So far.â€￾

“Well, he’s asking if you and Michelle would consider doing a reality show based around your wedding.â€￾

“No,â€￾ I answered quickly.

“I didn’t think you would be. I know it’s totally not your style, but it’s a fairly lucrative offer, so I thought I’d ask.â€￾

“Yeah, we have enough to worry about,â€￾ I laughed. “And didn’t they do that with Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro a few years ago?â€￾

“Yes, and it sank like the Titanic,â€￾ she agreed. “Granted, I highly doubt that any TV show you’d be a part of would bomb, but I completely understand.â€￾

Well, this is true. I would be lying if I said that my interest wasn’t piqued. But it’s one of those... ‘reality shows’. “So did he give you any details?â€￾ I finally decided to ask.

“He said that they’re up for negotiations, but their starting offer is $125,000 per episode, which would add up to a million for the first season, with the option to continue, if you choose. Let’s see...â€￾ she trailed off. I could hear the sounds of her mouse clicking as she spoke. “Umm... Oh, okay: they would shoot six days a week – Monday through Saturday – and would set up stationary cameras throughout the apartment, minus the bedroom, and one in your car; and they’d hire a three-person camera crew. You have the option to view all episodes before they air, and before you sign the contract, they’re offering a week-long trial to see how comfortable you are with the cameras around and everything. Still listening?â€￾

“Yeah, I’m here,â€￾ I answered, staring at Brian in amusement.

Chelle spun around to look at the two of us, smiling. “What’s she saying?â€￾

I put my index finger to my lips and continued to listen to Heather. “That’s about all I got for now,â€￾ she sighed. “If you want more information, you can give Nina Diaz a call. I don’t know if you do...â€￾

“I don’t know,â€￾ I said, optimistically. “It sounds interesting, actually.â€￾

“I’ll forward you the e-mail.â€￾

“I can’t make any promises, but I’ll talk to Chelle about it and we’ll see where we are.â€￾ Dude, that million bucks could pay for some of our wedding.

“Wow,â€￾ Heather incredulously answered. “I thought for sure you would’ve said ‘no.’ What a pleasant surprise.â€￾

“Like I said, I dunno. Do you think it’s a good idea?â€￾

“It definitely couldn’t hurt. It could air just in time for the start of the tour.â€￾

That’s true, too... “Okay well, we’ll see.â€￾

“That’s more than I expected. That’s great, Justin.â€￾

“Well, thanks for callin’. I’ll check that e-mail after breakfast and give you a call back if Chelle sounds interested.â€￾

“Enjoy your day. And tell those boys I said ‘Hi.’â€￾

“Yeah, and you shout Megan a holla for me,â€￾ I laughed.

“Will do. Bye, babe.â€￾

“Later,â€￾ I reflexively shot back, turning the phone off. I sat it in its cradle on the kitchen counter and stared at Michelle, who was giving me an expectant stare. “What?â€￾

“What was that about?â€￾ she queried, threatening to sling shredded potatoes in my face.

I knew she wouldn’t do it. I had an innocent baby in my arms. “What was what about?â€￾ I teased.

“What was that call from Heather about, you jackass.â€￾

“Oh... nothing, really.â€￾

“Then why do you have to talk to me about it and see if I sound interested? Huh?â€￾ She slid across the small space and began to poke at my sides. “Huh?â€￾

“Get off me,â€￾ I cackled, smiling as that caused Brian to laugh, too. “Dude. Okay.â€￾

“Yes, start talkin’.â€￾ She began spooning eggs onto a rectangular white plate, followed by hash browns and strips of bacon. “Or your breakfast goes down the garbage disposal.â€￾

“Girl, don’t be wastin’ food like that,â€￾ I stopped her, grabbing the my breakfast and headed for the dining room while she continued to clank dishes around, preparing her own plate. “You see how Mama is acting right now?â€￾ I asked Brian. “Well, that’s what we call crazy.â€￾ I laughed, sitting my food on the table and moved to the living room to drag his swing set across the apartment so that it sat at the table with us.

As I gently placed Brian in the swinging chair, Michelle came strolling into the room, taking a seat as closely as humanly possible to our son. “I can’t believe Bren is still asleep. Do you think he’s sick?â€￾

“I think he’s an almost-two-month-old baby that likes to sleep,â€￾ I commented, sitting down. “Plus, it’s only 9:00 and I believe that the last time he was awake was around 6:00 this morning.â€￾

“Well, all right. I guess father knows best,â€￾ she conceded with an impish grin. “So, tell me about your phone call.â€￾

“Apparently,â€￾ I started, taking a bite of bacon, “MTV has recruited us for their next reality show venture.â€￾

“Yuck. Are you for real?â€￾

I nodded my head and gave her a smirk. “They wanna document our wedding planning and sh**.â€￾

She tilted her head awkwardly, and fidgeted with the straps of her wifebeater. “And you said you’d talk to me about it. Does that mean that you wanna do this?â€￾

“No,â€￾ I quickly responded. “I mean, I dunno. It sounds like a not bad idea, or somethin’.â€￾

She gazed at Brian, slightly rocking his chair as he animatedly laughed at the motions. “I think it’s a bad idea.â€￾

“You don’t even know anything about it, Chelle.â€￾

“I know that I don’t want cameras all over my house, in my kids’ faces. I thought that’s what we agreed on, Justin.â€￾

“I know we did, which is why I think we should talk about it.â€￾

“What is there to talk about? Do you know how traumatic it could be to two kids, having big burly cameramen running all over the place for a few months? To have cameras in their faces all the time? These are their formative years. Is it really fare to do that to them?â€￾

“I think you’re just being the typical, overprotective mother right now,â€￾ I laughed. I started in on my meal while digesting her words. “I agree that it would be weird at first.â€￾

“Justin, I’m sorry, but I just don’t want to do it. You know how I feel about that type of lifestyle.â€￾

“What do you mean by that?â€￾

“It’s such a ‘celebrity’ thing to do now. I don’t want to be that superficial.â€￾

“No offense here, Chelle, but I think you may have the most superficial job in the industry.â€￾

“I resent that,â€￾ she slightly scoffed.

“Baby, it’s your job to lie. It doesn’t get more ‘celebrity’ than that.â€￾

“Oh, well it’s nice to know what you really think of me,â€￾ she chuckled. “Daddy thinks I’m a liar,â€￾ she said to Brian. “Can you believe that?â€￾

“I do not,â€￾ I countered. “All I’m saying is that you should know where I’m coming from here.â€￾

“I do know where you’re coming from–.â€￾

“I’m not even saying that I necessarily wanna do it. I just want to consider the options.â€￾


“And they’re offering us a hundred and twenty-five grand per episode.â€￾

I let out a loud cackle when her hazel eyes damn near popped out of her head at the very profitable prospect. “Justin, you can’t be serious.â€￾

“And they’re willing to negotiate that price.â€￾

“How many episodes do they want?â€￾

“Eight. But that’s negotiable, too.â€￾

“sh**, that’s a million bucks,â€￾ she marveled. “That’d pay for like, most of the wedding expenses.â€￾


“And it’ll be awesome publicity with you having to go on tour in the fall.â€￾


She smiled in a way that said the wheels in her head were definitely turning. The defining sounds of Brendan waking up echoed through the apartment, sending Michelle sprinting for the nursery, but when she returned, wiping Bren’s face with a washcloth, the same thoughtful smile adorned her adorable round face. “That’s a lot of money,â€￾ she finally acknowledged. “I mean, not that we need it, but still...â€￾

“I know.â€￾

“You think we should do it?â€￾

“I think we should try it out. Heather said that they’re giving us a week before signing the contract to see how we feel about it.â€￾

“Let’s try it then.â€￾


<span style='color:dodgerblue'>Workin’ so hard every night and day
And now we get the pay back
Tryin’ so hard, savin’ up the paper
No we get to lay back

My beautifully, awesomely, wonderful wedding planner, Marianne Mulroney, sat very politely on the sofa, taking sips of her strawberry-flavored water, scanning through her notes as an MTV cameraman slowly panned across the two of us as we spoke. There were less than two months before our June 23rd wedding, and there was so much to do.

She sat back in her seat and crossed her long, chocolate legs with a satisfied grin. “Michelle, I think we did it.â€￾

“You’re kidding.â€￾

“Well, so far, so good. Based on the estimates versus the actuals, we’re about $300,000 under the set budget!â€￾

“Thank God,â€￾ I sighed. “Justin was going to kill me if we went over.â€￾

“I think you’ll get to see another day,â€￾ she laughed. “We’re doing well.â€￾

“So what does that include?â€￾



“Oh, except for...,â€￾ she trailed off as she shuffled through her portfolio, “your hair and makeup.â€￾

“Marianne, this is amazing. You are amazing.â€￾

“You guys could afford a really wonderful honeymoon with that. Are you sure you don’t want to include that?â€￾

“No, no, we agreed that anything left over from the wedding would go to charity.â€￾

“Excellent. I’m so proud to be planning a wedding for philanthropists,â€￾ she laughed.

“Oh, please. If only,â€￾ I chuckled with her, staring at random sheets of paper. I heard the sound of the elevator doors from outside the apartment and waited in anticipation for my fiancé to walk through the door with our two sons. I was so excited to tell him about how well this was going.

Like clockwork, his keys rattled and the door opened. A double stroller rolled into the apartment just before Justin came waltzing through with a tired smile. “Good afternoon,â€￾ he greeted the three of us.

“Hey, you guys,â€￾ I answered first. “How was lunch?â€￾

“About as exciting as can be expected when you have a tape recorder staring you in the face,â€￾ he sighed. “How you doin’, Miss Marianne?â€￾

“I’m good,â€￾ she smiled brightly. “Who was your interview with, if you don’t mind my asking?â€￾

“This little magazine called GQ,â€￾ he joked, pushing the stroller into the living room, past the cameraman. He stalked over to the couch to quickly give me a kiss before taking an exhausted plunge into the small space left on the couch between me and the armrest. “So, what are y’all up to?â€￾

I grinned at his fatigue and shoved the papers I was holding into his lap while lovingly enveloping his waist into my short arm. “We were just talking about how you needed to come home and sign some checks for us.â€￾

“Oh, Lord. What am I paying for now.â€￾

“Well,â€￾ Marianne began to explain, “we just need deposits for the caterer and the florist. And if you can swing it, The Ritz would like a down payment on the block of rooms they have held for your guests, but they’re ready and willing to wait for whenever you’re ready.â€￾

Look, I’m living like a queen

“I feel like my dad should be here,â€￾ he commented with a laugh. “So what’s the total for all these deposits or whatever?â€￾

“If you could shell out about 10% for each, you’d be good to go.â€￾

This kind of life is getting expensive
We know how to live, baby

“But,â€￾ I interrupted, “if it’s too much to take in right now, I can cut a few corners here and there.â€￾

“Are you kidding? This is our wedding, Chelle. Whatever you want is fine with me.â€￾

We’re luxurious like Egyptian cotton
We’re so rich in love, we’re rolling in cashmere

“Right now, we’re roughly lookin’ at about fifty-five thousand between the three,â€￾ Marianne informed him, setting her calculator back on the table.

“That’s it?â€￾ he scoffed. “I thought we’d at least be hittin’ six figures by now.â€￾ He hopped up from his seat and prepared to roll the carriage into the nursery. “It looks like y’all are takin’ care of business, so I’ll leave you ladies to it. Call me if you need a signature or somethin’.â€￾

“Got it,â€￾ I winked. “Marianne, I cannot wait to marry that man.â€￾

This is how we roll, so luxurious
And baby, we’re so expensive


Three days had passed, meaning that we were three days closer to our wedding day. I was excited, I was nervous, but most of all, I was elated. But, first things first, I had a wedding shower to attend. Hosted by the lovely Eva Longoria and Jourdyn Peterson, it’s taking place tonight at one of my favorite restaurants, Serendipity, for just a few close friends and co-workers to gather ‘round and coddle me as the blushing bride-to-be.

Dressed up in my finest Moschino – a form-fitting, knee-length, black satin cocktail dress – I stalked down our apartment’s hallway, searching for the left companion to my black stiletto. “Justin, have you seen my shoe?â€￾ I asked into the quiet apartment.

“What shoe?â€￾ he asked behind me, entering the hallway from the nursery. “And what are you all dressed up for?â€￾

“My shower is tonight.â€￾

“Your shower?â€￾

“My wedding shower. I’m late and I can’t find the match to this shoe,â€￾ I explained, holding up my right foot. “Have you seen it?â€￾

A look of distress consumed his baby face, setting off all kinds of alarms in my head. “Your wedding shower can’t be tonight, Chelle.â€￾

“Well, it is. You have plans?â€￾

“I have big plans.â€￾

“Like what?â€￾

“Like a flight to Los Angeles in two hours.â€￾

I stopped in my tracks and stared down the dim corridor. “You have to be kidding me.â€￾ He had to be kidding me.

“I wish. Dude, I have like six places to be between tonight and tomorrow.â€￾

“In LA?â€￾


“And you’ve known about this for how long?â€￾

“For about a month.â€￾

“And you just magically remember it today. How convenient.â€￾ I closed my eyes and pinched myself, praying to the high Heavens that I was dreaming. “And now, I’m just supposed to give up my night for this.â€￾

“Baby, I’m sorry,â€￾ he said sympathetically, “but I have a job to do.â€￾

“Hanging out at clubs in LA hardly qualifies as working.â€￾

“You know just as well as I do that all publicity is good publicity. I have an album out in two weeks that needs promoting. And I’ve done everything I can here in New York.â€￾

“So, without warning, you’re just packing up and leaving. Tonight?â€￾

“I told you about this ages ago.â€￾

“Have I mentioned it since then?â€￾


“Then I probably didn’t get the message, Justin!â€￾

“Okay, you don’t have to yell.â€￾

“I’m sorry,â€￾ I relented. “It’s just frustrating to feel like this all just snuck up on me.â€￾ I sighed and pulled of my one shoe, accepting the fact that it wasn’t about to serve its purpose tonight. “How long are you supposed to be out there?â€￾

“Only a couple of days.â€￾

“Oh, well–.â€￾

“And then, I start the promo tour for about a week and a half before I end up back here.â€￾

“Whoa, wait, hold up. What’s does your ‘promo tour’ entail?â€￾

“Just a few club dates in LA, Vegas, Houston, Chicago, Atlanta, Miami–.â€￾

“Justin!â€￾ I stopped him, “You’re going on a f***in’ tour!â€￾

“Shhh,â€￾ he replied, evenly. “Calm down.â€￾

“Don’t tell me to calm down. You’re going on a tour and you didn’t mention it to me!â€￾

“I told you about it!â€￾

“Well, why haven’t you mentioned it again?â€￾ I yelled.

“You’ve been all wrapped up in the wedding planning and trying to cope with the cameras, there was no need to get you distraught for no reason.â€￾

“No reason? Ju– No reason?â€￾ It felt like an ounce of sanity was slipping away from me with every second that passed. Was I wrong to be upset? “Okay, exactly how long will you be gone?â€￾

“I perform at Irving on May... 26th. So I’ll be back on the 25th, I assume.â€￾

“That’s freakin’ two weeks, Justin!â€￾

“I’m sorry! What do you want me to do?â€￾

“I – I don’t know,â€￾ I realized. “I just don’t know how you could have not told me about this. What am I supposed to do without you for two weeks?â€￾

“You knew this was coming, Chelle.â€￾

“Yes. But – I mean, not now. Not so soon. Not without warning!â€￾

“The album comes out two weeks from Tuesday. How can you be surprised?â€￾

I shrugged and dropped my shoe to the hardwood floor, flinching when the violent sound caused one of our sons to cry. “And you’ll be back out there once the album comes out, huh?â€￾

<span style='color:black'>If melody is my destiny
Then what’s left of me, I’ll give to you

“It kinda comes with the territory.â€￾

I walked into the nursery, finding Brendan in his crib, wailing his little lungs into obscurity. I quickly picked him up to ensure that he was frazzled by my shoe dropping and not some other inadequacy. “I’m so sorry about that loud, scary sound,â€￾ I told him apologetically. “I didn’t mean to scare you, baby.â€￾ He continued to cry, but it became less ear-shattering and more subdued as I rocked him in my arms. “I’m so sorry,â€￾ I repeated.

“I’m sorry, too,â€￾ Justin walked in, offering a half smile.

I looked up at him but didn’t say anything; mainly because I didn’t know what to say. He was leaving me. Damn, even when I know he’s coming back, it hurts.

“I don’t know how I can leave the three of you like this.â€￾

“And I wish you didn’t have to.â€￾ I stared down tenderly at my baby as his crying slowly tapered off, realizing that the way things were going, I was halfway to single-parenthood. I was going to have to do this alone for a while. “I’m scared.â€￾

<span style='color:black'>If next to me is all that you need to be
Would you settle for fantasy if it’s the best you could do?

“Of what?â€￾

“Of taking them on alone,â€￾ I chuckled. “Before I knew we were having twins, the prospect of taking care of just one while you were gone was scary enough. I never thought I’d have two little lives to take into my two little hands.â€￾

“Chelle, you’ll be fine.â€￾

“I’m glad you’re so sure.â€￾

“Why wouldn’t you be?â€￾

“Because I’ve question every move I make as a mother. And now, without you here to encourage me...â€￾ I trailed out of my incomplete thought with a sigh. “I’m just scared.â€￾

“Why don’t you come with me, then?â€￾

<span style='color:black'>Can I have my cake?
Can I have you, too?

“What?â€￾ I laughed.

“Pack your stuff, pack up the boys’ stuff, and let’s go to my house for a while.â€￾

<span style='color:black'>Would you follow me?
Could I ask you to?

“I can’t just leave for two weeks.â€￾

“Why not?â€￾

“Because...â€￾ Well, I don’t really have a reason now, do I?

“You’re on maternity leave. You can plan the wedding from LA, right?â€￾

“Well yeah. But then two days later, you’ll be in Vegas or somethin’. I can’t follow you everywhere, Justin.â€￾

<span style='color:black'>Would the world between us break these ties?</span>

“I don’t wanna leave y’all, though.â€￾

<span style='color:black'>Can a postcard say what I see in your eyes?
Could I ever break away?

“And I don’t want you to leave. But what can we do?â€￾

“Why can’t you come with me?â€￾

Still don’t have a reason. “I dunno. It sounds all right, but it’s one of those things that just feels like it would turn disastrous.â€￾

“What could be disastrous about it?â€￾

“Look, babe, don’t worry about. I’ll get through it.â€￾

“This isn’t something you ‘get through’. I want to be there for you. I want you to be there for me. We can be a family on the road.â€￾

<span style='color:black'>Will I wake up one morning and see your face
And streaks on the window that the rainstorm makes

“Maybe one day, Justin, but not when they’re two months old and we have a wedding in six weeks. Not when you’ve sprung this on me two hours before you’re set to leave. I’ll just deal with it until you get back, and then we’ll see where we are.â€￾

<span style='color:black'>Could you bear all the weight and the strength that it takes?</span>

“And there’s nothing I can say that will change your mind?â€￾

As time passed, and I stood there staring at Justin, holding Brendan, I realized that I probably needed to call Jourdyn to let them know I wouldn’t be able to make it to my shower. Besides, the shower seems a little inappropriate now that this new news has come into play. It leaves me very few options. “I think we should postpone the wedding,â€￾ I managed to get out.

The look on his face relayed complete shock before he regained his sense of normalcy and gave me a bit of an evil stare. “Why?â€￾ he simply replied.

“It’s too much. There’s too much going on right now. It wouldn’t be right to throw you from an album into a wedding. We should just take our time with it. Maybe wait until September?â€￾

“Are you crazy?â€￾


“I don’t wanna wait. I don’t wanna put anything on hold. I’ll just be gone for two weeks, Chelle. Why do you turn everything into some nonexistent drama?â€￾

“Just two weeks until what? Until you leave again, Justin? Two weeks will turn into two months when you leave for that tour. And then what? What’s the point of being married when you’re just gonna pack up and leave at the next open opportunity?â€￾

“Oh, so I guess you’re just forgetting about the show, then.â€￾

“f*** the show!â€￾

“No, how ‘bout f*** you, Michelle.â€￾

I watched him walk out of the door and listened to him storm down the hallway. Damn, and I thought I was the one PMSing. Still holding Brendan, but wishing that I could get out of this damn dress, I calmly strolled out of the room and down to our bedroom to find Justin pulling clothing from his side of the dresser, throwing them into a pile on the bed. “What are you doing?â€￾


“Is this conversation closed, or what?â€￾

“I have nothing more to say to you, actually. You want me to leave you alone, you pull me back in. You want me to be there for you, but you push me away. I can’t win, Chelle, so I quit.â€￾

“What does that mean, you quit?â€￾

“It means that I’ll see you on May 25th. Good luck.â€￾

Confused, I allowed him to pull one of his twenty-six year old tantrums and leave the apartment in a fit of cologne and choler. He didn’t even take the clothes he’d just redecorated our bedroom with. He didn’t even kiss the boys goodbye. Was he really gone?

Can I have my cake?
Can I have you, too?
Would you follow me?
Could I ask you to?

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Postby mtvjunkie » Fri Mar 25, 2005 9:11 am

:unsure: That wasn't good :unsure:

I don't think that show is a good idea, although I swear I'd be glued to the screen every time it was shown on tv :lol: The arguing worries me, its not like its never happened before, I just don't like it damn it :thumbdown: And I don't like that they're arguing near-ish the end of the story :unsure: If its another sad ending I swear I'm gonna have to come round your house with a VERY LARGE bat :nono: and I'm quite the swinger so you have been warned ;)

Now update pretty please :(

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Postby JTnTN » Fri Mar 25, 2005 11:32 am

Don't ever say I don't love you. I should be at work in 35 minutes, meaning I should've left my house 5 minutes ago. But here I am, baby!

I must say, I knew things were just too damn good to be true. I was all elated over the hot ass shower sex and them being officially engaged and then here you come. First of all, as much as I'd LOVE a reality show with JT & Co. (:lol:), I think Michelle is right for once. They got money. It's not like they're broke like The Simpsons and HAVE to do a show to get famous. Tell MTV to leave them the hell alone. <_< :lol:

Second of all, make them stop fighting! :( I guess it's inevitable, being that it's J and Chelle, but come on. At least gimme the fluff at the end of the road. That's the least you could not do. :P

But now I wonder... Is he really gone? Hmmmm. Lovely chapter, lovely songs. Cha-ching, Cha-ching. We're loaded and we're not gonna blow it. Ooh, that's my sh**. ;) :lol: Lovely, Ash. Keep it comin'. :D

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Postby Bluechic01 » Fri Mar 25, 2005 9:30 pm

I wish MTV would leave people the hell alone! :thumbdown: to the reality show. I'm with Michelle. I don't want those freakin cameras all up in my babies face. That's just rude :(

They are sooo adorable with their boys, and I don't want Justin to leave! :yell: I hope Chelle decides to go with him and he better come his ass back! Men are so stupid and childish :angry:

Lovely chapter as usual my love! :wub: :hug: Hurry and update!!! NOW!

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Postby SiMPLYiNSYNC » Fri Mar 25, 2005 10:16 pm

Girl, you call that boring? :no: Pshhhhhh. Mucho, mucho wrong. :lol:

They have more than enough money so them getting a million bucks ain't nothin' to them. Justin can triple that by just taking off his shirt and pose on the cover of RollingStones cus he's worth a million ga-zillion fa-fillion dollars. So, :nana: MTV. (Yes, I am aware that he has done that before. :rofl:)

Right when we think that everything is swell, you bust out with them arguing. <_< WHEN WILL THE MADNESS STOPPP? :lol: I guess never with those, too. It just wouldn't be the same. :D

Awesome, lovely, fantabulous. All those words are an understatement. You're the best and keep it comin', woman! Please and thanks. :hug:

OHHH, one more thing to add, I think Justin's gonna take the MTV show just to piss Chelle off. :D That is all.

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Postby Angelpopstar7 » Fri Mar 25, 2005 11:42 pm

dude WTF is up with MTV screwing up everyones lives? It seems like everytime they film a reality show, something bad always happens to the couple or the person who was in the show...they need to learn to come up with concepts that done involve celebs :nod: the million dollars isn't nearly enough to put up with cameras around them 24/7 and the strain its gonna put on their relationship...please let them say no :pray: please let them say no!

Nooo he can't leave her...whats up with that? I can picture something bad happening to one of them or one of the boys and i'm not liking it at all! You better not let that happen Ash! They always argrue! :nono: that can't be healthy for anyone...especially the boys...i know that they're babies but they still pick up everything they hear :unsure:

Please let him come back before he goes to LA :pray: he has to at least say good-bye to the boys :nod: and i'm hoping that this good-bye isn't a good-bye forever :unsure: :no: you can't let that happen! ahh MORE PLEASE!

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Postby jts_senorita » Sat Mar 26, 2005 5:48 pm

Noooooooo! :yell: Not a reality show! That sucks. :no: Though I must admit i fit was really I would watchi it everyday... and If someone offered me that kind of money I would probably do it to. But is it a real show? No. And does Justin need the money? No. Aw.. and make them stop fighting...

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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Sun Mar 27, 2005 12:04 pm

Odd (wo)man out here: I like the show idear. :lol: Strike while the iron is hot, make some quick money ... it has it's pro's and con's. :nod: Do the eight episodes and then call it quits ... don't keep comin' back with sh**ty season after season. That ish gets old really fast.

Anywho, I was getting excited for the big wedding day, which appears to be taking an unplanned hiatus. :unsure: I hope that's just the anger talking. I want a wedding! :pray:

Justin really needs to get over his "I'm-frustrated-so-I'm-gonna-pick-up-and-leave" routine. Not the way to handle a situation, yet still understandable in some ways. :shrug: Sometimes, you have to get away to be able to refocus. I do want him coming back, though. :nervous:

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Postby BabyBlue2578 » Thu Mar 31, 2005 6:46 pm

<span style='color:gray'>Well, here's one down, one more to go. :lonely: Enjoy it.</span>

<span style='font-size:17pt;line-height:100%'><span style='color:black'><span style='font-family:bernhardfashion bt'>19 - “Why Did You Mess With Forever?â€￾</span></span></span>

<span style='color:dodgerblue'>“Who the hell is calling at... three in the morning?â€￾ Justin hoarsely groaned into his pillow as the shrill ring of the phone resounded loudly throughout our bedroom and, consequently, the entire house.

As I heard him shuffle for the handset, my eyes fluttered open, trying to adjust to the endless darkness. “You got it?â€￾ I asked, praying that Brian and Brendan wouldn’t be disturbed.

“Yeah,â€￾ he whispered. “Hello?â€￾

In confusion, I glanced at him answer the baby monitor while the phone continued to ring. “Justin, that’s not the phone.â€￾


I picked up the cordless from my side of the bed’s nightstand once I realized that it wasn’t hung up where it should’ve been. “Hello?â€￾



“We need to talk.â€￾

The strangely deep voice of another man on the other end of the line completely baffled me. “Who’s calling?â€￾ And more importantly, why are you calling.

“I think you know.â€￾

“I think I don’t. Who is this?â€￾

“I suggest you make this a private conversation.â€￾

Oh, God. I hope it isn’t some weird ass psycho-stalker. I glanced at the Caller ID, which I probably should have done before I even answered the call. ‘Los Angeles, CA.’ sh**, that doesn’t help.

“Who is it?â€￾ Justin requested.

Ignoring him, I removed myself from the bed, scuffling into my flip-flops and headed towards the living room. The warmness of the June night told me to avoid the leather sofa, so I rested comfortably in the adjacent recliner. “Okay, now who is this?â€￾

“My, how quickly we forget things in just a year.â€￾


“It’s the anniversary of you leaving me, Michelle.â€￾

“Tony?â€￾ I hissed in shock. “What the hell are you doing calling here?â€￾

“I wanna see them,â€￾ he revealed.

“Are you kidding me?â€￾

“No, I’m not,â€￾ he contradictorily chuckled.

“You can’t,â€￾ I whispered. “We agreed that you would never even mention them.â€￾

“I know, I know. But I see you in all the magazines parading around the city with you and ‘Justin’s twins’ and I can’t take it. I’m sorry.â€￾

“We had an agreement,â€￾ I emphasized.

“f*** the agreement, Michelle. They are my children and I have every right to see them.â€￾

“Tony, don’t do this to me right now,â€￾ I cried. “I can’t deal with this.â€￾

“Yes, I am sure that you’ve been busy with planning your wedding and all, but I’ve been busy wondering about my sons. Brandon and Brian, is it?â€￾

“Brendan,â€￾ I shot back quickly. “And they’re not yours to claim. It’s Justin’s name on that birth certificate.â€￾

“And it’s my blood coursing through their veins.â€￾

“Tony,â€￾ I whined.

“Listen, I won’t make this hard for you. Take your time.â€￾

“It’s gonna be a hell of a lot of time,â€￾ I admitted. “I’m getting married this weekend!â€￾

“Well, fine. I can make it hard if you prefer. Either let me see my children before you leave on honeymoon, or I tell Justin the truth.â€￾

“No! Okay, okay, okay.â€￾ I sighed heavily into the phone as nervous – no, terrified -- tears rushed down my face. “Can you get to New York by Friday?â€￾

“I can.â€￾

Oh, f*** me. “Okay. Well then, call me on my cell when you get in. And we’ll take it from there.â€￾

“What is your cellular phone number?â€￾

“How’d you get my home number?â€￾

“From your friend, JC.â€￾

“Well then get that from him, too.â€￾ I hung up the phone, more in fear that Justin was approaching as opposed to continuing the conversation; but both prospects were truly starting to get under my skin. I can’t believe this is happening. Tony f***in’ Mirano. Damn, I thought I was in the clear when the twins reached two months. Why now?

And get that surprised look off your face. Did you really think I was carrying Justin’s babies? That would’ve been just too damn easy. And by now, who doesn’t know that nothing about the two of us is easy.

The truth is, I knew I was pregnant before I even had sex with J that night on the beach. At that point, I was pretty sure that abortion was the route I would take. But then, I inadvertently found myself an easy out when me and Justin hooked up. I mean, so what if the kids aren’t biologically his? It’s wrong to deceive him, yes, but in my heart, I honestly think the fact that he loves the three of us with all that he is, is enough. So I lied to everyone – I lied to him, I lied to you... I lied to myself. Besides, you think I wasn’t gonna get my payback for him breaking my heart? Ha, f*** that.

Don’t get me wrong, though. I love Justin. And I don’t think there’s anyone else in the world that I could be with and be instantaneously happy with for the rest of my life. And if Brendan and Brian are keeping him there, who can complain?

“Who was that on the phone, Chelle?â€￾

I looked up to see Justin’s silhouette, covered only in boxer’s, standing at the beginning of the hallway. “No one important.â€￾

“Who was it?â€￾ he yawned.

I looked down to the telephone, discreetly deleting Tony’s number before replying, “Umm, you know, just Brandon with his Jourdyn issues.â€￾

“Damn, they’re fightin’ again? They’re turning into us.â€￾

“I know,â€￾ I wistfully grinned. I prayed to myself that the dark room was hiding the glisten of tears on my face. “They’re all right, though.â€￾

“Oh, good.â€￾

“So just go on back to sleep.â€￾

“You coming?â€￾

“Yeah. I’m gonna get some orange juice and I’ll be right in.â€￾ He offered a weak, but genuine smile and turned back down the hall.

Damn. Seriously, what the hell am I doing here?


I’m full of regret for all the things that I have done and said

“Michelle, I want to share custody of them,â€￾ Tony divulged, staring down at a stroller full of my two beaming baby boys. We were sitting in a quiet corner of Starbucks in downtown Brooklyn, where Tony and I agreed that we’d convene for him to meet his sons. “It’s not fair that he gets them and I don’t.â€￾

“Tony, we had an agreement. You can’t go back on it all of a sudden. Not now.â€￾

“I don’t care. They’re my children. I have the right to want to show them the world.â€￾

“Why do you care?â€￾

“Michelle, you can either agree to joint custody or I’ll file for full.â€￾

“Okay, you don’t have to keep threatening me. I just... you’re gonna ruin me.â€￾

“Tell him the truth. He may forgive you.â€￾

“Yes, let me go and tell my fiancé the day before our wedding that his kids aren’t really his kids, that I knew all along, and now the real father wants to take them away from us,â€￾ I scoffed. “Yeah, that’ll go over well.â€￾

And I don’t know if it’ll ever be okay to show my face around here

“Whatever it takes, Michelle.â€￾

“Tony, do you understand what you’re doing to me? You are going to ruin my life – my career, my family, my marriage...â€￾

“You don’t have a marriage,â€￾ he interrupted.

“Yeah, not anymore.â€￾

“Don’t you think it’s best to get the truth out now before they grow up to not know their father?â€￾


“The truth always comes out, Michelle.â€￾

“But we agreed.â€￾

“I take it back,â€￾ he quipped. “Again, tell him the truth, or I will.â€￾ I watched him rise from his seat, leaning down to kiss my cheek gently. Directly after that, he stooped to the stroller to repeat the same actions for Brendan and Brian. “Goodbye, Michelle.â€￾

With a bowed head, I said a quick “Bye,â€￾ while waiting for him to vacate the small space. I gazed down at my sons and let the rapid flow of tears devour my troubled face. I couldn’t believe this was happening – not after living in fear for the past year and finally feeling like I was out of the woods. What do I do? I can’t lose Justin again because this Italian motherf***er got bored and wants to jump back into my life. Maybe I should just pack it up and disappear to Australia or some sh**. If Justin can’t have my babies, then Tony can’t either.

Sometimes I wonder if I disappear
Would you ever turn your head and look, see if I’m gone

Actually, that’s not such a bad idea.

‘Cause I fear there is nothing left to say to you
That you wanna hear, that you wanna know
I think I should go – the things I’ve done are way too shameful


I rushed home that afternoon and began to put my plan into action. I booked a flight to Melbourne, Australia under a pseudonym for the three of us, as well as a hotel, knowing that I’d need somewhere to stay until I found a place to live. I decided to prolong packing until Justin left for his bachelor party, but the wheels in my head were turning. I couldn’t believe that I was actually considering leaving Justin at the altar, so to speak, but I had to do what I had to do. I couldn’t stay here anymore under the guise that everything was fine and dandy. It was time to move on.

“Honey, I’m home â€￾ Justin called into the living room, smiling brightly when I turned to look at him. “Hey.â€￾

“Hi,â€￾ I grinned, quickly exiting out of my Internet Explorer window. I placed my laptop on the coffee table in front of me and shot up from the couch to give him a hug – possibly the last. “I love you.â€￾

“I love you, too,â€￾ he chuckled, rubbing my back. “You all right?â€￾

You’re just innocent
The helpless victim of a spider’s web

“Just don’t forget that, okay?â€￾

“I won’t,â€￾ he assured me, pulling back so that he could stare into my eyes.

God, I’m gonna miss that stare – those perfect blue orbs that were filled with so much contentment and vibrancy. How can I let this go? I sniffled just in time for more tears to roll down my cheek.

“Chelle, what’s wrong? Did something happen to the kids?â€￾

“No, no,â€￾ I reassured him. “I’m just so happy that we’re getting married tomorrow.â€￾ Damn, and the lies never stop.

And I’m an insect going after anything that I can get
So you better turn your head and run, and don’t look back

“Michelle, what is wrong with you?â€￾

“Nothing,â€￾ I smiled.

“So am I supposed to be stupid now, or are you the dumbass?â€￾

“What are you talking about?â€￾

“You think I don’t know you well enough to know when something is off?â€￾ he chuckled, heading towards the nursery. “I know there’s something wrong.â€￾

“Pre-wedding jitters, perhaps?â€￾ I followed him down the hall and into the first baby blue room the left, watching as he checked Brendan and Brian’s cribs, respectively, gazing at his sons with so much pride. I couldn’t even bear to watch the three of them together, knowing that today would be the last day he’d ever see them again. “Umm, I’m gonna go for a little walk. Do you mind?â€￾

“As long as you’re prepared to tell me what the hell is wrong with you when you come back.â€￾

“Yeah,â€￾ I smiled. “We’ll talk when I get back."

‘Cause I fear there is nothing left to say to you
That you wanna hear, that you wanna know
I think I should go – the things I’ve done are way too shameful

I quickly shuffled into our bedroom to find a sweatshirt to throw on before traipsing downstairs and out of our building. The first thing I saw, walking down the sidewalk in the stiff, warm air, was the annoying eeriness of paparazzi lurking across the street. I did my best to ignore their presence, as the only thing they do when noticed is piss me off even more, and I was way too high-strung at that point to give them a second glance.

I simply walked, obliviously, wandering down Beach Street as if I had nothing better to do; as if my life weren’t falling apart as the minutes flew by. I mean, what the f*** was I doing? Can I not stop making all these stupid ass mistakes? Why was I leaving? Why was I making this terrible situation worse than it already was? I’m selfish, yes. I’m immature, trifling, disgustingly dishonest – I know. I’ll tell you right now, just because I recognize it does not mean that that sh**’s gonna go away in the matter of a day. I’m too much of a coward to stick around and break his heart by telling the truth. I’d like him to believe that I’m just some kind of lost soul that needed to run away. He can’t know that I’m a conniving b****. I can’t taint his quasi-perfect image of me after all this time.

And I’ve done you so wrong
Treated you bad, strung you along

I don’t know when I changed from that sweet-as-apple-pie, country girl that worked at Abercrombie & Fitch to the savvy, spendthrift, fast-talking publicist with no heart. Maybe it was Sean; maybe it was living in Los Angeles, surrounded by all those damn ingrates out west; or maybe that’s just who I always was. I wish I could revert back to the person that was motivated by love and honesty, because that person really did exist inside of me... at some point. But I think that maybe I’ve just been damaged one too many times. The emotional scars of all my drama with Justin has yet to heal. No one can hurt me the way he does. And in turn, I’ve gone in for the ultimate betrayal. I’m regretful, believe me. But the bad part about that is that I feel bad for me, not him.

Oh, shame on myself
I don’t know how I got so tangled

When I’d circled the block, finding myself back in front of my building, I decided that it was time to say goodbye. I’d drop him little hints here and there so that he could put the pieces together when he returned from his bachelor party to an empty apartment. I’d have to find some way to tie up all the loose ends so that it made sense.

I walked back into a very silent apartment. I know I’d only been gone for a few minutes, but it was an eerie quiet that had myself questioning whether he’d left me instead. “Justin?â€￾ I said into the house. “You here?â€￾

“I’m right here,â€￾ his hushed voice announced. I could hear it, but I couldn’t see it. He must have seen me searching for the source of his quiet tone, because he added, “I’m behind the kitchen counter.â€￾

Miffed, I walked further into the apartment, finding him sitting on the hardwood floor, just beyond the kitchen, head bowed into a slightly miserable crouch. “What are you doing?â€￾

He lifted his head to gaze at me and pursed his lips. He waved the cordless phone at me before letting it drop the floor and then chuckled devilishly. “Chelle, I think we should talk.â€￾


<span style='color:black'>She stood in front of me like a deer caught in headlights. I hadn’t even said anything yet. She walked in the house, I said we needed to talk, and she froze. See, that’s when you know you’re wrong. She subconsciously owned up to her guilt before I could even blame her for anything.

“What do we need to talk about?â€￾ she finally stammered.

“Australia?â€￾ I asked. “We agreed on a honeymoon in St. Tropez.â€￾

She swallowed visibly and gave me a meek grin. “What?â€￾

“I just got the message from the travel agent. She said that she couldn’t get the hotel you requested so she wanted to know your second choice. But really, Chelle, don’t you think you should consult me about these things?â€￾

“I’m sorry.â€￾

“Maybe I’m slow, but I think that this is a trip we’re supposed to take together.â€￾

“We don’t have to go if you don’t want to,â€￾ she proclaimed, as if that were supposed to make it all better.

“It’s the principle, Chelle. Not the place.â€￾

“Well, like I said – I’m sorry.â€￾ I observed as she fumbled to remove my sweatshirt from her body and headed down the hall into the bedroom. When she heard me walk in and crawl into bed behind her, she asked, “What time are you leaving for your party thing?â€￾

“Whenever Mike gets here in the Yukon,â€￾ I answered in an obvious tone. “Why? You sneakin’ out on me?â€￾

“No.â€￾ She laughed awkwardly and turned in the bed to face me, nuzzling comfortably into my chest.

“I wish you’d tell me what’s wrong,â€￾ I informed her softly. I inhaled her gorgeous scent – she smelled like the fresh innocence of a baby.

I was naive
Your love was like candy
Artificially sweet
I was deceived by the wrapping

“Justin,â€￾ she managed to hoarsely croak out, “we can’t get married tomorrow.â€￾

Suddenly, her face was gone from my chest, her presence no longer in the bed, and she’d escaped to the windowsill, gazing down at the street. Just from the way her back arched, I could tell that she was on the verge of tears. “What?â€￾

“I’m sorry. I just – I can’t – it’s not right for me to marry you right now.â€￾

“So you wanna postpone the wedding again?â€￾ I sputtered.


“You mind me asking why?â€￾

“No, you can’t ask why.â€￾ She turned from the window slowly, but didn’t look at me. She gazed towards the door as if she was plotting some method to get through it without having to get past me. “I really am sorry.â€￾

“Sorry? That’s all I get?â€￾

Got caught in your web and I learned how to bleed
I was prey in your bed and devoured completely

“That’s all I have,â€￾ she whispered. She made an attempt for the door, hoping to whiz by, but I leaped out of the bed and headed her off before she could evade me. “Justin, please.â€￾

“No, what are you doing, Chelle?â€￾

“I’m... I don’t know, really. But I know that this is right.â€￾

“No,â€￾ I countered, unwilling to let her push through, “you can’t call off a wedding the day before without even an explanation. You can’t keep breakin’ my heart like this, baby.â€￾

And it hurts my soul, ‘cause I can’t let go

“Justin, don’t do this.â€￾

“Don’t do what?â€￾

“Don’t make me explain myself.â€￾

“f*** you. That’s the least you can do,â€￾ I shot back. A stream of tears made a beeline for her cheek and as I gazed into her caramel eyes, I began to realize that this was much deeper than she let on. Fear was overcoming her, yet again. “Please talk to me.â€￾

I can’t stop my suffering
I hate to show that I’ve lost control

“I can’t.â€￾

“Why not?â€￾

“I just can’t.â€￾

“But why? When have I ever pushed you away?â€￾

I keep going right back to the one thing that I need to walk away from

“Please don’t make me,â€￾ she cried, squeezing her eyes shut. “It just... it hurts so much. And I’m so, so sorry.â€￾

“Sorry about what!â€￾

“Don’t wake them up.â€￾ She turned her head painfully and let out random deep breaths here and there. “Just gimme a minute to breathe.â€￾

I took a step back from her so that I was standing mostly in the hallway while she took a seat on the bed. “Michelle, please te–.â€￾

“Shh,â€￾ she stopped me. She was really beginning to freak me out with her erraticness. “Just... I have something to tell you. But you absolutely cannot go ballistic.â€￾

I hardly like the sound of that. “Fine, Chelle. Just spit it out.â€￾

“Brendan... and Brian,â€￾ she began slowly.

“What?â€￾ Her eyes were closed tightly and she didn’t speak for quite a few minutes. “Tell me, Michelle!â€￾

“They’re not yours.â€￾

Those words. My God, those words. They staggered me. I went stumbling into the wall behind me. It felt like someone had just hit me upside the head with a crowbar and then sent a scalding hot knife slicing through my chest. It was a very surrealistic moment. But I mean, she couldn’t be serious, could she? “You’re joking, right?â€￾ I chuckled.

I should have known I was used for amusement
Couldn’t see through the smoke
It was all an illusion

She only shook her head and looked up at me with pain-filled hazels. She had the same eyes as B and Bren. Again with the apologies, she whispered, “I’m so sorry.â€￾

There was the rational part of me that had to believe it. I mean, if she was saying it, it had to be true. She wouldn’t joke about it, right? But the part of me that’s motivated by intuition and emotion was screaming at me that she couldn’t be serious. “Stop apologizing.â€￾

“I can’t. I am sorry.â€￾

“No, you’re lying. Stop saying this.â€￾ My jaw involuntarily tightened and I let my eyes bore into hers. “Why are you saying this?â€￾

I’m about to break
I can’t stop this ache

“Because it’s true,â€￾ she replied, bowing her head. “They’re Tony’s.â€￾

“Stop it, Michelle.â€￾

“They are.â€￾

“They’re mine.â€￾

“He wants custody.â€￾

My breath quickened and it was a struggle to find a normal breathing pattern at that point. My eyes began to water and my throat quickly and completely dried up. She was f***ing serious. “Michelle, if this is some sort of sick Punk’d, you better bring out Ashton’s ass right now.â€￾

“Please don’t joke, Justin. This is killing me.â€￾

“It’s killing you!â€￾ I asked. “What the f***, Michelle. What – I mean, how can you be saying this to me and actually meaning it?â€￾ I fell against the wall beside me and slid down to the floor. I didn’t cry... yet. It was like I was choking too much for any other problems to come into play. I merely sat there, in shock, doing my best to simply breathe.

I can’t mend this torn state I’m in
Getting nothing in return
What did I do to deserve the pain of this slow burn?

“Justin, I’m so sorry.â€￾

“They’re really his?â€￾

“Yes,â€￾ she said sadly.

Every time I try to grasp for air, I am smothered in despair
It’s never over

“Are you sure?â€￾


It seems I’ll never wake from this nightmare
I let out a silent prayer, let it be over

“How do you know? I mean, tests aren’t always right. Maybe you should take an–.â€￾

“I was pregnant... before you and I had sex last year.â€￾

Inside I’m screaming, begging, pleading, no more

“You’ve known all this time?â€￾ I questioned, quickly rising from the floor. “All this time, you’ve been keeping this from me?â€￾

She stood up to face me and ran her hand over her face before nodding slowly. This time, she was the one whose breathing became frantic. “I never... ever had–.â€￾

Her sentence was stopped by the sudden eruption of my anger. I don’t know what came over me. Putting all of her manipulative, vindictive pieces together, I reached a boiling point. If I had to guess, I’d say that it was the intense hurt that came with recognizing all the love I had for what I thought to be my sons was diminishing with every ounce of increasing hate that I began to harbor for their mother. I involuntarily grabbed her neck and shoved her against the wall. “All this f***ing time!â€￾ I thundered. I held on tight with one hand, fueled by her shriek, as well as the sound that her head made when it connected with that wall. It was all accompanied by wails from her sons on the background.


“I loved you!â€￾ I bellowed, knowing that tears were milliseconds from hitting my face. That was all I could say. That’s all that my tears and anger would let me get out.

“Justin,â€￾ she choked out, “I can’t breathe.â€￾

“You don’t deserve to breathe.â€￾

Tears, that appeared very similar to mine, but filled with much less hurt, I assure you, ran down her face. She mouthed the words “I’m sorryâ€￾ for the umpteenth time, still trying to sneak in gasps of breath as I held her captive.

It was all I could do to not collapse into sobs at that point. I felt too empty to even be able to stand on my own two feet. “Get out,â€￾ I said quietly, releasing her from my death grip.

I don’t know what to do


“Don’t say sh** to me. Just get out.â€￾

I watched her leave the bedroom. She walked into the nursery momentarily, where, in that moment, her sons stopped crying. She’s lucky she had that moment with them, because that’s the last she’ll ever see of them. I’m packing my stuff and I’m leaving. And they’re mine, no matter what a damn DNA test says. It was me who was there when she needed me. It was me who went through the hell of trying to stay with her when I had better things to do. I was at that hospital the day they were born, falling in love with them from the moment we met. I’m the one that’s loved her all this time. So f*** Tony Mirano. f*** Michelle. They’re mine.

My heart has been bruised

“For the record, I really do love you,â€￾ she intimated, staring down the short hallway at me.

I walked to the threshold of the living room, watching her move slowly through, gathering random items on her way out. “For the record,â€￾ I said, just as she opened the front door, “I would’ve stayed if you’d just told me the truth.â€￾

So sad, but it’s true
Each beat reminds me of you

“I know you, Justin.â€￾ She sniffled and turned her head from the outside hallway, back into the apartment, with a smug grin on her face. “You’re gonna stay anyway.â€￾

I keep going right back to the one thing that I need to walk away from

Yeah, she’s right. I’ll be back eventually. But not today. </span>


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