What Am I To You?

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Postby laura » Wed Apr 27, 2005 5:07 am

What am I to you?

<span style='font-family:Courier'>Hey! Yeah im mental with the amount of work I have to do and this is what I type up!! I haven’t settled on a title yet but tell me what you think be honest!?</span>

<span style='color:green'>What was she? She was a vixen, a woman who knew how to use the gifts god gave her to her advantage. She knew what each sway of those shapely hips and curved ass did to those watching her, she knew. To him she had always been just ever so slightly out of his reach, their timing always seemed to be just that little bit wrong. Either he was attached and she was gone or she had someone by her side when he was alone, always never alone at the same time.

That was until that fateful night late in, both fulfilling work duties at a so called party mingling with 'in' crowd in the hopes of gaining knew contacts in their respective lines of work. Of course he knew her, knew of her at least, every straight man at that party knew her or at least hope to know her-even just a little.

"Sickening isn’t " she opened as she order another glass of champagne from the bar tender.

"What’s that?"

"This, one nitwit after another patting each other on the back for fulfilling their shallow deals, year after year after year..."

Her tone was low and sultry, not cheerful like it had been moments before when she was in flirt/conversation with Mr Clive Davis. So I had to question "So then what are you doing here?" At that she smirked as she was handed her glass.

"Just because I critise doesn’t mean im not including myself,im fully aware that what I do isn’t exactly curing cancer but it has to be done." Referring to her job as magazine Editor for Rolling Stone magazine at such a young age as something so insignificant shocked him.

"But I was under the impression you loved what you did?" At that she just nodded slightly as they continued their way over to the booth behind the velvet red rope.

"I do, but come on even you must get bored with what you do, sometimes at least?"

"Yeah but not so much that I think it’s insignificant or that it doesn’t matter. Otherwise what would be the point?"

As they made conversation and observation one after another the night wore on and soon they where finding themselves on the pavements of New York City at 3; 15 am. MTV'S VMA's a mere memory now.

He had no intention of leaving her that night and she didn’t seem to mind that fact. Not as she led him into her hotel room, not as she removed her coat, not as she let him take her in his arms and undress her as she had him, not as she kissed and caressed his finely tones muscular frame that provided her with the most intense sexual experience she recalled in her short 24 years.

Not even when the next morning came and he was still asleep in her bed.

"What are you doing?" He asked as he opened his eyes to find her packing a large black suitcase.

"Leaving, in a half hour so you’re going to have to go...â€￾


"Uhh, ok...im not sure I understand here..." As he got out of the slept in sheets and pulled back on his clothes that had be previously scattered across the large room he stood before her figure that ended a good foot below his,her striking green eyes met his baby blues with question

"Well im leaving I have to go back to LA. Last night was fun." she smiled as she finished zipping up her holdall.
Still in a state of confusion he rebutted "Yeah it was but wh-"

"Justin...It was sex, fun sure! But sex none the less...Thanks," As she turned for the door he stalled her "Hey?"


"Can I see you again?"

She smirked "Nope....oh and hey good luck with the solo thing ok baby it’s a hot single"
Dazed as she shut the door behind herself, he somehow knew that wouldn't be the last he saw of Isabel Andrews</span>.

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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Wed Apr 27, 2005 7:24 am

:nod: It's great! MORE! I love these headstrong females messing with Justin's head.

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Postby ashleybull » Wed May 11, 2005 11:13 pm

Hey I just saw this today I love everything about this story so far. Update some more it great and I can tell it will only get better. I loved all your other stories I know I going to enjoy reading this one.

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Postby laura » Thu May 12, 2005 10:56 am

:D really??? *holds mouth closed in shock* i didnt think anyone else read these except my lovely paige!! thanks!!!!! and ill try asap...i got a lot on since schools almost out...so...after that,no problem!!!!!! B)

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Postby laura » Mon May 16, 2005 7:46 am

<span style='color:purple'>Working, she loved it most of the time however there was the seldom few moments that lead her down the path of "what if" the niggling doubts she had about her life. She ignored them of course as she was looked up to, admired and most
importantly in this business she was envied. She liked that.

"There’s an important call waiting for you Ms Andrews, line three." As her
assistant notified her of the call she soon realised it was yet another manager,
Johnny Wright someone she had dealed with a lot over the past six months ever
since she over took the previous editors position him being the manager of both
Nsync,and little miss perfect Spears she had a few run in with him in the past
in her old position and now was no different.

The words cover,interview and Justin were mentioned,so i suggested a few things
pretended to be interested in what he offered,even though i fully planned on
ignoring them.
I mean what was i going to do? He was rapidly becoming the biggest f***ing
superstar in the world and with the album being the most antisipated this andlast year it was going to be considerably difficult to avoid him.

"Yeah i know your busy Johnny but man you paged me,you wanted to go over the
schedule remember?" As he paced up and down his sitting room gazing out at the
wonderful,ever sunny climate that was Florida he was growing more and more
irritated by the behaviour of his manager.
"Johnny,seriously i know...im busy too man.Your on the line with who?." On
hearing her name he froze.It was safe to say he hadnt expected to hear it,even
if he had done nothing but think about her since the night of the VMA's in New
York.She was hot-not really a surprise but the fact that she didnt seem to give
a sh** who he was no matter what they had experenced that night-It intruged
him,it fasinated him and more the point it turned him the f*** on.

Given that a interview was penciled in for that week it wasnt a surprise that
all the female and a few of the males in the office were wanting to be the ones
to interview his highness,it was strange really, he was after all just a guy.So
what if he could sing,dance and make you think about doing things with him that
should be illegal.She really couldnt see the big deal.But then she had worked
with a lot of artists in her line of work,he was simply another one. Sure he was
one that she let f*** her three ways from sunday but that didnt factor into her
decision,to be the one to interview him-This was strictly professional.Wasnt it?
"So this timberlake guy,you met him the last time we did the Nsync interview
"Nope i was busy actually doing work,unlike you-perving over five guys...shame
boy." Unloading her bag of equiptment from the boot of her BMW she made her way
to the front of his estate.The one thing she knew from her short time with Mr
Timberlake was that he liked things in excess,and his home was no different.
"Wait does my hair look ok?" Richard her assistant-sweet guy,as gay as all the
villiage people combined and oh-so-vain.
"Dude...hes straight!!"
"For now." Sirking i somewhat managed to smooth down my front of my low slung
hipster Jeans and waited for the door to answer.

I knew it was the people from RS waiting, for some reason they agreed for the
interview to take place at my place,which was cool with me since it saved a
I knew interviewer where hard ass and didnt give a sh** about what they asked
and the ones at RS seemed perticularly killer. But what i wasnt expecting when i
walked into my living room was to see her- looking so simply f***able and all
she was doing was talking with the guy sitting next to her.
"Ah,Mr Timberlake.Im Isabel Andrews and this is my assistant Richard Evans."
Ok that was weird, i greeted them both as ignorant as she seemed to want it all
the while not breaking eye contact with her piercing blue eyes.
"Well i think we should just get right to it."
God she looks too good naked why even bother with clothes.
"Justin??" I snapped out of my short trance and realised they were both staring
at me. sh**.
"Oh sorry,you were saying?"
And with that we continued with the interview,the normal questions came up
reguarding the music,the album and Nsync.And when the subject of Britney and the
breakup came up i swear i saw her cringe.
But i gave my most diplomatic answer.

"If I was like, 'Well, people shouldn't say anything,' it would have driven me
insane,'' "But when you know people are going to say stupid sh**, you don't get
emotional. I have to say something back, but I'm pretty clever, and I wait for
the moment and then I make them feel dumb. By that time, the bodyguard has
stepped in, and I'm on my way.''
"I'm a very loving, caring person,'' he was saying, "and if I start dating you
-- you know, as a girl -- it may take me a long time to give myself away to you,
but once I do, that's it. You can have whatever you want. But I've had my heart
broken plenty of times.
"Three times, actually,'' he continued. "I was fifteen the first time. She
cheated on me, and I broke up with her. That's reason enough, right? 'Oops,
sorry, see you.' I'd been going with her for a year. The second one I saw for a
year and a half. And the third one" -- and here he paused, thinking of Spears --
"was for three and a half years. It was the same with her as with the first girl
who broke my heart and the second. They've all gone down the same way. All of
them. Three strikes, I'm out. I mean, she has a beautiful heart, but if I've
lost my trust in someone, I don't think it's right for me to be with them. I'm
not going to let my baggage with somebody else become my baggage with a new
person. But I'll tell you, I have little, little hope. Three strikes. Little

Man this guy was more f***ed by her than i first imagined.She really messed with
his head.
Being interuppted by the annoying ringing of Richards cell phone,the message was
that some one of the two of them was needed back at the main office.He
volenteered,Leaving both Isabel and Justin alone.

"So,are we going to address this thing or what?" He asked sitting back on the
oversized sofa across from her.
"I dont know what your talking about?" She played.
With that he laughed,somewhat smugly.
"Fine,fine...be that way then."
Ok so i gave in. Rolling my eyes i laughed too.
"What did you want me to say Justin,hi remember me we f***ed a lot in New York a
month or two ago....in front of my assistant?Honey...i dont think so."
"well ok maybe not but damn girl i thought you'd forgot about me."

"Nice...that you think i just go screwing every dude i meet...." Sure i faked
insult but i liked getting him worried.

I watched his face change,in fear almost.

"No...its not that its just that...well...I dont know sorry if i insulted you."

Packing away my belongings i got up "You didnt,dont sweat it-it takes a whole
lot to insult me sweetie."

He got up and stood infront of me.

"Your leaving?" he asked in a almost whisper.

"Well yeah, i've finished my interview and thats all i came for." Well kinda.

"Are you sure thats all."

Ok i wasnt about to give in right away.


At that he cocked that damn eyebrow and my heart did things it shouldnt
have.Why did he have to be so damn sexy.

"I was just observing thats all.I mean there must have been dozens of people

that could have conducted this interview,and as i know how busy you are then to
see you here..Its just interesting thats all."

"I wanted it done right." As i got my words out his face was about an inch from
mine and i could smell his aftershave or whatever it was. I felt the heat
radiating from his body and i'll fully admit i f***ing loved it.

" I can understand that,you know what they say,you want something done right you do it your-" He didnt finish his sentance,well it would have been a little difficult given the fact that he was attached to my lips,he slid his hands
around the to my back and proceeded to pull me closer pretty much until i could
feel everything he was feeling,and more.
Much more when he somehow got me turned around and steered me towards the couch. I let go,maybe i should have put up a
bit of a fight but after two hours of picturing this i could give a sh** what he
thought of me.

His hands where everywhere,not that i was complaining it was just that he was
making me feel things,and get so preoccoupied with feeling so good that i was
ignoring touching him. So as his hands slipped under her top she slid her hand
to his t-shirt and managed to pull it over his head without fully breaking there
body to body contact.

Was there any part of this man that didnt feel amazing??

His mouth had moved from her mouth to her neck just under her earlobe to be exact.It felt so good it was causing her to shiver,at that he smiled-obviously
he liked knowing that she was enjoying it.
"Dont you think this is a little unfair?

At that i looked up to his face and he was staring at my top. Oh duh..

"Well not any more i dont." I peeled it over my head and let him unhook my
bra,after that it was all a bit of a blur.Somehow she managed to get my pants
off,somehow we managed to make it upstairs and into my bed.And somehow i was
getting slowly lost in this girl who made my body feel things id never felt,ever
with anyone.And sh** i thought Janet was a shocking experence.Never,compared to Isabel Andrews she wasnt sh**.

Some three hours later we both just couldnt do ANYthing any more,short of just
lying there and remembering to breathe.It was just after 7 and the sun was
slowly setting in the sky.It made the view from his windows something
amazing.The sky was red,orange,black and blue.All over the skyline of Los

"Yes?" There we were lying infront of each other face to face drifing in and out
of sleep.

"What just happened." Of course i should have re-phrased it since she smirked
and opened her blue eyes to meet mine.

"Well baby we had sex,and sex is what happens when a man and woman feel-"
"No..i mean again,it happened again i didnt think that you-"
"Justin are you asking me what i want?"


"Maybe." He said simply all the while stroking my arm with his fore finger.
"I dont want a relationship if thats what you mean.But other than that....I dont

"Well i dont either,i just was wondering is all, what is this then?"
"Well once is a one nighter,twice is a re-think...if it happens again...i'll let
you know."


(Clears throat) Soooo what ya think so far???? any suggestions/comments are as always welcome!!!! :D </span>

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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Mon May 16, 2005 9:12 am

Still lovin' it ... ba da ba daa daa! :dance: That's the way to conduct an interview. I must admit, all he'd have to do is the eyebrow raise, and I'd lose it. :lol:

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Postby ashleybull » Mon May 16, 2005 8:40 pm

Damm sign me up to be a editor at rolling stone im liking thoses fringe benefits.

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Postby laura » Mon May 23, 2005 4:08 am

Hi again,man ive been so busy im surprised that ive got this to show for it....But then again hours at a computer does things to me....and this is a nice distraction....so... who ever is reading this and not responding,shame on you! but thanks AshB and my Paige! it means so much!!! Annnnnd since no one else seeems to like me enough to read it...well i'll be quiet, and enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!! :wub:

<span style='color:red'>Of course it did happen again,as it happens a week from the interview he had to attend his listening party for the album and of course she was there.And of couse for the majority of the evening they acted like strangers,that they really still were in a sense,sure they had been intimate but he had to admit he didnt really know anything real about her.Not that it mattered when she asked him to meet her in her hotel room that night and not when they had again managed to top there last sexual encounter with another mind blowing reunion.

"So ive decided what we are.." As she layed back and watched me dress before my return to the party i turned around as i pulled back on my underwear and looked at her waiting for her to continue.

"I like you J,i do.Your what id consider a friend."

"A Friend???"

"Yeah" She laughed "A friend who i like to f*** sometimes" She herself got out of the bed and began dressing.

As i just shook my head in almost disbelief."So let me get this straight,we're 'f*** buddys' is that what your saying??"
Not that it was something i was against,it was just not something i had ever been offered before.I was a little thrown.

"Thats what i'm saying.Question is, do you have a problem with it?"

As she zipped up her skirt and replaced her top and sparkle cardi,and pushed her long tosseled hair away from her neck she walked toward him and gently placed her hands and arms around his neck playing with the hair that he had been letting grow out again.


Like i had to think about it.

"No,No i dont mind at all."

With that she smiled,a full-show your teeth smile.She had this captivating glow about her it was something that i
couldnt quiet understand but i knew i was drawn to it. Add her mystery to the fact that our little arrangement had me practically giddy,i was a happy man that night.

The album dropped in november.And it was competely insane once people got a listen to it the questions and accucations started flying.Britney this that and the other,Janet,Britney....blah blah blah.Of course the single was doing fantasic both in the states but more so in Europe,Britain was sitting up and taking notice,at last.Given the fact that they basically ignored Nsync,i felt pretty damn good getting a number two over there.

Although i shouldnt have been that surprised,i pimped the sh** out of it and its a f***ing fanstastic spin so why not right.

I met her a few months before and she was cool and all,but after the album we met again in LA,Alyssa Milano-sweet woman.Older which was a bonus she knew her sh** inside out.So being her...whatever i was,was fun.

"Wanna go out to night or stay in?" She asked as i came practically dancing from the shower.sure it was 8am but i was in a hell of a good mood.

"um...eh i dont mind whatever...you have something in mind?"

"no...i was just thinking maybe we could head to that Rolling Stone party.Its the one they throw just before
Chrismas.it looks like it could be a blast."
I pulled on my jeans over my boxers and threw on a t-shirt,making my way out of her room.

"Well what do you think????" She practically yelled after me.

"Yeah whatever you want..."

It had been almost three months,and i hadnt seen or heard from her,i figured she had changed her mind-and yeah i'll admit i was being a chicken sh** not calling her.Maybe i just didnt want her not to want me so maybe i ignored it....

The hotel that the party was being held in was packed,wall to wall with well known faces as well as a few photographers.It was a big night for smoozing in the music calender.Well wasnt any party? And this one with it was times 100.The hype behind it was to be expected since the Rolling stones themselves where going to be there as well as pretty much every other major name in both Rock'n Roll and Pop/R'nB in the last ten years.

It was to be expected to be busy,but this was insane,everyone wanted a article or a review.Couldnt they go bother someone else.Her head was frizzled with all the attention,left right and centre.
Then it happened,it was like a scene from a movie everything seemed to hush slightly and the lights just happened to hit right-and there he was looking far to hot for it to be actually legal....with his new girlfriend.Damn.That factor certainly put a damper on things.

It wasnt like i had anything to be jealious of i mean i wasnt anything to him except his f*** buddy-and it was MY idea,so then why did i feel the all to familiar pangs of hurt in my gut?
I didnt want him for myself,i knew i didnt want all that drama.But then again the idea of him with someone else sickened me.....

She was here,of course she was.Like i didnt think that the second it was suggested-hell it was the reason i tried to get out of the damn thing and hour before but i could exactly explain to my "Girlfriend" either. So for the longest time i just watched her- and tried not to seem like i was stalking her.Of course i mingled,i was a professional mingler dont you know....But still she was there and it was scary,would she say anything if we crossed paths,would she say anything to Alyssa?Was it wrong that the idea of getting caught out excited me a little?
I was scared and i didnt know why,but i felt like i was cheating on ISABEL with the person i was supossed to be honest with....how wrong was that?

"So,being editor at such a young age...well it must be great..."

"Um...yeah i guess its ok,it all work right?"

"Well." The tiny brunette laughed while handing me another glass of champane,"It must come with its perks..."
Well i could think of one very nicely shaped 21 year old perk alright,but i couldnt exactly tell that to his girlfriend...now
could i?

"Yeah you could say that...."

As i saw him approach i saw the panic in his eyes as he didnt once break eye contact with me...it gave me shivers knowing that i had that effect on him.

"Honey I was wondering where you got to...." As his vision switched for me to Alyssa beside me i smiled.Inwardly I felt like punching him.

"Well sorrry" She said in a babyish voice....ew. "I got to talking...honey this is..."
He intruppted,and stepped in to shake my hand. "I know who this is,Isabel nice to see you again."
"you've met?" She looked at him confused and then back at the girl.

"Yes,i interviewed Justin for the magazine a few months ago,for the cover story...."
Still his eye contact remained on mine....

"Oh well thats great,I've just seen someone i know,will you excuse me for just a second...." And with that she smiled,pecked him on the lips and headed in the direction of Fred Durst...why,i have know idea.

"You never called." And that was all he said as we both casually made our way to a quieter area, still talking.

"Honey,the phone works both ways...and i was busy.And so where you.so-"
"But you could have-"

"I know,we both could...any way my guess was you were too 'busy' with lil miss CHARMing over there."
At that he looked at the ground awkwardly.

And was that a blush in his cheeks.

"Well i always knew you like your women older,but sh**....What is like...38,39?" I added teasingly.
And he laughed too.Rubbing his newly shaven head.

"Nah shes 34 actually and yeah shes...nice i guess,i dont really feel right talkin' bout her like this...with you...you
Yeah i knew.

"Hey,look it a'int like you and me are...well anything so dont sweat it...Im not your 'other half',its sweet that you've found someone really it is...."
it was the truth i liked the guy and he was easy to talk to,and fantasic in bed but i knew he loved love,and he deserved it.

"Well you know...this thing with lissa,its really new...and we're not even offically a 'couple' or whatever...i mean its open..."

Was that a hint???

At that he looked at his feet again...I loved how confident he was to the outside and how almost cocky he appeared.But when we were together it all disappeared,the attitude,the image,the show-all gone and it left me with just,Justin and i had to admit i liked that i played on his confidance like i did.It was sweet and endearing. As was he.

Ok so it was a hint,and a not so suttle hint at that.So what do you think we did? Yup you guessed it we left the party and his 'girlfriend-whatever she was' and we headed to my appartment on 5th, yes had sex...a lot of mind altering,toe-curling,almost ripping my silk sheets SEX.
And i have to admit the three months we we're appart certainly made me alot more appicate of his skills.

Jesus,was there any part of this woman that didnt feel and look fan-f***able-tastic...no i didnt think there was.And yes i know im a bastard...i cheated on my girl...except she wasnt really "MY" girl,you dont think i knew why she was so ademant about 'talking' to Fred Durst??Well i did,and hey who am i to judge,i just f***ed another women for almost two hours....and then again an hour after that.So hate me all you want,i a'int doing anything she hasnt.And we're not a real "I love you-i love you too couple..." I've had enough of that sh**.

"So you have fun at the party?" At that moment i was lying on my side,resting all my head weight on my hand as i looked over at her as she lay facing me,covered in just her deep purple sheet.

"No" She smirked as she ran her hand over my chest,causing goosebumps."I had MUCH more fun at our little
party....Didnt you?" She asked raising her right eyebrow in question.

"f*** yeah...I hate those partys...so boring...You know?"

"Ahuh...So what did you tell Ms Milano exactly...?
There was that look again,the non eye contact look,was he afraid to talk about her or what?


"Like i said i dont like talkin'bout her...its weird..like im-"

"Cheating?" I asked as he again ran his hand over his head.

"Yeah,ive never-" He paused. "Well ive never been on this side of things before thats all and you and i are'nt exactly
conventional so im not really sure-"

I felt from somewhere out of nowhere that i had to comfort him,dont ask me why?

"Honey...its ok,i dont feel cheated,and since my guess is ms M is off somewhere now doing just what we did im guessing neither does she."

He laughed.Thank God.

"Your right....sorry."

"Dont be sorry baby,Just stop being so gentle...keep it up and your gonna get crushed"

At that he nodded and began stroking my hair.it felt nice.

"Are you seeing anyone...." I didnt know where that one came from,but as ever i was honest.

"Kinda..." His face changed,and it wasnt anything drastic,but the look in his eye,it changed.and he let out a semi-
shocked "Oh..."

"Yeah.." I confirmed." Its not serious or any sh** like that its just...well new too i guess."

"Oh" he repeated.

Then there was a short silence,as i turned my back and he moved in behind me to just lie as it was confortable.

"Who is he?" The tone he used was somewhat soft but it still held power.


"You KNOW who..."

"Does it matter?

"It does to me..." See the thing about sensitive young,broken hearted men was they had a habit of taking things personal.Even when you both agree that you wont.

"Justin,really we agreed,this sh** has nothing to do with what we do....so just leave it ok?"

At that i turned to him,mainly because i could feel the heat from his eyes buring in the back of my neck.

"I know him dont i?"



"Izz...Dont bullsh** a bullsh**er ok?Just f***in' tell me..."

"Why?Why does it matter to you,i dont care who else your doin'...."

"Just tell me for f*** sake..." I could visably see his temper rise....and i had to admit it scared me a little.

"FINE!!!" i got so mad at the whole f***ed up conversation that i practically pounced out of bed,and shoved on a t-
shirt and undies. " YOU WANNA KNOW FINE.......Its...Pharell ok ive been seeing Pharell for the last three months...you happy now...."

As i stormed out of my bedroom i tried to forget that look on his face,it was like someone slapped him.But we had an arrangement,and stuck to it dispite my feeling,why the hell couldnt he.
But hell ok i knew i was walking a fine line with them both,i mean i knew they were tight.But with pharell it was...different,sure he was a player as much as the next guy,but hey who was i to judge and for that matter who the f*** was HE to judge me...he had a f***ing girlfriend.

A few minutes later he emerged from my room-fully dressed and if im not mistaken,pouting like a six year old.

"Im Leaving."


"FINE."He glanced over at me once shook his head and walked out the door.Slaming it for good effect.

Leaving me alone and basically feeling like sh** run over twice.</span>

sooo???? let me know! :D

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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Mon May 23, 2005 9:26 am

See, see, see ... the f*** buddy thing seems good in theory, but somebody always ends up getting hurt. Now these two better dump Pharrell and Alyssa and get together b/c if the sex is that good, a relationship is worth a try.

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Postby laura » Tue May 24, 2005 10:03 am

PS i think,think,think this might be Isabel.....

not sure :blink:

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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Tue May 24, 2005 10:29 am

:drool: Very pretty. I can see why Justin would want her. :nod:

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Postby justins bubbles » Tue May 31, 2005 6:13 pm

<span style='color:blue'>Man o man, Alyssa + Justin never equals anything good. <_< As for Isabel, kick him to the curb if he's gonna pout. It's not like he wasn't saying himself he didn't want a relationship. So what if she does but not with him. :lol:

Good job! :D </span>

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Postby laura » Fri Jun 03, 2005 9:30 am

<span style='font-size:21pt;line-height:100%'><span style='color:purple'>READ ME!!!!!!!!!!!!</span></span>

:please: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

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Postby betty boop » Fri Jun 03, 2005 7:43 pm

This is really good.

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Postby laura » Thu Jun 09, 2005 9:08 am

<span style='color:hotpink'>Ok so maybe i over reacted just slightly.I mean we did have an agreement that yes we both wanted.We wanted it to be no strings attached,at least i thought i did...

But f*** it this was different he was a friend, a close friend and the idea of him and her together made me sick to my stomach. I didnt love her,she sure as hell didnt love me and thats how i wanted it-she said she didnt want a relationship,was it just that she didnt want a relationship with ME?

Humm maybe thats why i felt like i got hit in the gut when she said his name...maybe.

"I need to see you...Well tonight if possible,yeah im fine its just been a rough couple of days is all...No i understand...No its fine,I'll drop by tomorow then.Ok...Bye."

As she hung up from the conversation with Pharell,she knew he was busy but she needed someone to be there or at the very least talk to her.

She did feel like complete sh** and she didnt understand why,she didnt have feelings for Justin- well she didnt love him that way she knew that,she knew that she like the idea of their arrangement,it was fun it worked. But jesus why did his attitude and tone bother her so much,why did she give a sh** about what he thought...

Today was a busy day,6am wake up, interviews, lunch then more interviews.Then a trip to the studio for a catch up and maybe some writing.


At three i was finished up and decided to take my time in going to see him.I needed to see a familar face and his face would do nicely.

"Hey baby,how are you..sorry about last night" As i walked into the sound studio where both he and chad sat at the mixing desk he got up to greet me,and of course i smiled and shooed away the thought that he had let me down.

"You busy?" I asked as i sat down next to him.

"uh yeah kinda you know just mixin' some sh** and what not...you?"
"Na.Im done for the day thank god."

"Cool..cool.We're almost done here and i-"

At that the studio door opened and in he walked in a dark pair of jeans and a black t-sh** topped with a "Pony" cap over his head....Staring right at me,with the smuggest grin.

"Oh Izzy this is Justin my buddy,J this is Izzy..." He nodded as did i and we mentioned that we had already met.This seemed to please Pharell.

Dont know why though.

The fact that he hadnt said anything made me relax,but only ever so slightly.What was he doin' there.

There she was....with him and she seemed so f***ing happy which didnt help my mood much. The events of the night before still weighted heavy on his mind,and he really didnt know why.He liked her,she knew that he knew she liked him and together what they did could be achieved with anyone else.

So then why was she here....

"Right,sure ill be there in a sec...yeah hold on." As Pharell flipped close his tiny silver cell he turned to the silent girl and guy that sat either side of him.

"Y'all i gotta bounce for a sec,theres a deliverly outside i gotta over see.J....take care off izzy for me for a minute will ya.." at that he smiled at her and bent down to kiss her on the lips and jogged out of the studio.

She looked away from him,he looked away from her.The air in the tiny studio was sufficating.

"He's cheating on you,you know." thats all he said as he crossed his leg on to the other and sat back on the reclining seat.

"I know." she eyed him as she said it,and then she heard the most sarcastic smirk.


He rolled his eyes,
"well, if you know why keep up the act?"

"I cant really talk now can i? I mean just last night i-"

"I know,but SHE was here just before you... i mean why do you keep-"

"Look i know she was here ok i ran into her as i came in for god sakes...but what we have Pharell and i that is,it works and it works for now and thats all i need."

He looked at her like he didnt believe her.She hated that he got to her like that.



"Oh for f*** sake you as so petty...what???"

"Fine..what you have must not work as well as you think otherwise you
wouldnt have needed me last night and he wouldnt have needed that

"f*** you."

"You already did that...."

She got up out of her chair more than anything out of sheer
frustration, "Look why do you care,you left last night and i was under the
idea that what we had was done,you didnt like what i was doing so you
left...like i knew you would eventually...so why keep this going i obiviously
mean nothing to you so just get over it."

She shocked herself,she didnt know where the whole i mean nothing to
you thing came from,she really didnt.And by the look on his face neither
did he.

"What?...Isabel what makes you think that i-" He got up and walked over
to her,close but enough that they weren't touching. "I care about you.I

At that she rolled her eyes,a sudden urge to cry washing over her.

"Yeah,just as much as any other whore right...."

"NO....Jesus...NO,you are not a whore your NOT do you hear me..."

She did.

At that Pharell walked back in,and over to his girl...well one of them at least and wrapped his arms around her waist. "You two getting along,i know how J is around the "media""He laughed..."Baby you ready to go..." Still her eyes stayed on Justins,as his did hers. "uh..no actually am not feelin' too good am...i think im just gonna go home and go to bed." Still her eyes didnt leave his,and he got the point.

"Oh,ok...you want me to come with you...." Still the man behind her had no idea.

"No im good,ill just end up sleeping... Ill call you tonight though ok?" at that she turned to him,kissed him on the forehead and grabbed her bag,only looking back at the one in the Pony cap,and he knew what she meant,it was all in her eyes.

Maybe it wasnt over after all.</span>


<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>I keep on fallin' in and out of love with you
Sometimes I love you
Sometimes you make me blue
Sometimes I feel good
At times I feel used
Loving you darling
Makes me so confused</span>

[COLOR=hotpink]It was after 7 when the buzzer to her appartment went off, at the time she had been making her dinner nothing spectatular just pasta and sauce and some fries-aw yeah carb heaven.



"Ahuh...who is this?"

"Justin,can i come in?"

She was a little surprised,a little not. So she buzzed him in and waited as
he made the three flights of stairs walk to her door.

There was a gentle knock on the door and sh

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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Thu Jun 09, 2005 9:46 am

Playa Pharrell is in the house. :no: It's obvious Isabel and Justin want each other, but can't make that it to that next step. All these people are using each other. There has to be more to it than that.

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Postby laura » Fri Jun 10, 2005 8:43 am

<span style='color:dodgerblue'><span style='font-family:Times'>sooo are ya saying there needs to be maybe a lil teeny twist? huh?huh?

wait annnnd seeeeeeeee.... :P </span></span>


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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Fri Jun 10, 2005 8:59 am

:nono: You're teasing me! :lol:

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Postby laura » Mon Jun 13, 2005 8:51 am

:huh: where'd everybody go??? :lonely: :please: :nono:

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Postby laura » Fri Jun 17, 2005 10:27 am

<span style='color:hotpink'>heres what i got so far,many new "developments" arise due to what happens in the next few chaps so....ENjoy babies!!!!!!

April rolled around fast,and it was time for touring.I loved touring it was the best part of the job really, i got to see first hand the effect of what i did for a living and it made me happier than anything or anyone id ever experieced,the fans at times they we're all that kept me going and for that id be forever greatful.The road was hard at the best of times,and more often than not i was alone at night and when i wasnt the company wasnt exactly for conversation purposes. I'll fully admit,i missed her i missed her smile and her sarcasm and her laugh - even when she was laughing AT me,i still wanted her with me.But something that night changed in me, i betrayed a friend even if he didnt know it yet? i saw that i had become what i hated, what i had spent so much time and energy trying to understand.
Why she cheated on me.
Why her why me,Britney and I we we're IT you know but then she ruined it and i had to start from scratch and that night i realised why?
it was the same reason i cheated on Aylssa, she just wasnt enough for me anymore i wanted something different someone different and it didnt matter who i hurt in the process.

It was May, it was summer and i was buried under sh** loads of work.As per usual.
I had heard through the grate- vine of the "industry" as well as the media that his tour was going fantasticly well, and in my own small way i felt proud maybe i had no right to but i did.
I knew that night would be our last,at least for a while.He wasnt like me,or Pharell or any other man id ever been with before he was kinda....special,to me at least. He wanted a honest exsistance and considering he lied all the time in his job it was probably the last thing he wanted to do in his personal life.I couldnt exactly say id blame him.I had forgotten what a honest relationship was like by now.

As the middle of May approached i had another duty, the Kids Choice Awards rolled around and of all the awards shows this one i actually enjoyed.Maybe it was the atmosphere maybe it was the happy look on the kids faces,hell it was all of it.Plus the fact that i got to act like a kid for a day which was....always fun.

There i met her,or more to the point saw her and "accidently" ran into her.Cameron Diaz....man she was like an icon, to me at least this was a woman id thought about in a not so honest and pure way since was 12 years old.Yes it was strange flirting with her,and hell it was even stranger when she flirted back.
Sure she wasnt the sharpest tool in the box,and she definatley behaved like a tool at times but she was hot and she was older and she wanted me. Those where my three must have ticks that year and she met them all.She wasnt smart,she wasnt anything like Isabel and i convinced myself that that is what i needed.
Her opposite,i needed to get her out of my system once and for all.

After that night that i left her appartment we didnt speak again for about a month,seven days in to May and i got a call from her-much to my surprise.

"So listen" I began to lie, knowing she'd spot it right away. "Im sorry i havent called,its just with the tour and all...."

"Oh i know...Me too." She lied " i just wanted to,congratulate
you on the tour and all,Pharell has been telling me all about it."

Damn he was still there?

"So,your still with him huh?" I couldnt exactly say that fact made
me jump for joy.

At that i was sure i could hear the uneasy change in her voice,

"i am..yes...We...um well yeah."

I didnt know what to say, and i knew neither did he,not when
his voice went low.

"Good, im glad your happy....or at least trying to be.I want you to be happy Isabel you deserve it."

Why did this feel like the end....

"You deserve it too you know,to be happy.You deserve someone great who can be your....everything.I hope you find her.I do."

And thats how it ended.May 7th 2003 i had offically "broken up" with my "Non-boyfriend/f***buddy" The sh** was supossed to be fun, instead it felt like it was slowing breaking my already fragile heart.
By the time September came i was going crazy, i had put up with it,with her for four months and i had somehow managed NOT to strangle her in her sleep.Sure she was fun-sometimes,sure the sex was great - sometimes but all in all she just wasnt any fun. Everything was planned,everything right down to when and where we kissed for god sakes.So when she suggested a holiday to Hawaii i jumped on it,anything to get away from LA.

The press were insane i mean completely insane,everywhere we went there they were.I was just about surviving.
And I was being faithful for the first time in a long time,as was she to the best of my knowledge- and given the fact that we were both trailed no matter where we went i was guessing if she did ever cheat there would be a good two dozen snaps of it in some tabliod. :lol:

Three days in the vaction we went to a club,typical hawaii so laid back and chilled it was unreal how relaxing it was.That was until around midnight i noticed another frenzied crowd of people around the entrance.
In he walked as cool as ever shades still on,even though it was near 12;30 am and we where inside..

Pharell Williams a dork covered in cool.

In other words a pure NERD.

He spotted me,Cam and the rest of the hangers on and gravited towards us after shaking hands and looking at the shaking asses of many on the way over.

"Hey man," I greeted him with our usual speak, also scanning the crowd he was with.

"Hi, long time dude..." he slipped a pat on my back as we exchanged welcomes and he spotted cameron.

"Wow..." He looked at me eyes wide "Nice catch

"Pharell?" She giggled. "Nice to finally meet you," She made her
point with the finally bit,sure i had sort of accidently not introduced her to most of my friends,but i never brought it
up "ive heard a lot about you...."

Either he ignored her or he heard her either way he made his
way in to the centre of the bunch"Ahuh....Yo' you two here

I sat up and paid attention,before answering.

"Few days...stayin'...i duno few weeks.You?"

"eh...Maybe it depends really"

"On?" I pressed as i ordered a few drinks.

"My girl.I think shes gotta work in a bout two weeks so ill see
how long...you know.But we should definately meet up...hang
out...chill you know?"

"Oh...whos your girl Pharell..." Cameron pipped out as she down
her Margrietta like it was pure water.

"Isabel Andrews, shes the editor of Rolling Stone"

Cameron seemed impressed.

"Huh Whats a smart girl like her doin with you?" She laughed,

"hey now,Shes with me because I'M THE shiit baby,and dont you
forget it..." He winked at her.

"You know,she should have been here like an hour ago,but you
know women,hell you should you are one!" She laughed,that
toxic cackle of a laugh she held sometimes and i wanted to
leave.She was still with him,she was happy with him and not
only that but she was here.


"Honey im so sorry im late, i fell asleep! Can you believe it!" She rushed through the vip section shooing away the security with her manicured hand.She was dressed in a tight black dress,it was one that dipped in and out the right way to show off all her assets and it clung to her butt in the best possible way.Her hair was up,simply tied back with curls and sh**, but with little bits around her face.The make up wasnt over done,just dark sexy eyes and ruby red lips. I swear i almost fell off my chair. As flashes of what we did all over her appartment went flying through my mind,this wasnt going to be an easy night.

"Its a'ight,babe...meet Cameron Diaz." He said a little over
excitedly "Oh and you know,Justin right?"

She turned around slowly,she obviously hadnt seen us as she arrived.The look in her eyes gave it away though she did her best ot cover it up as she greeted cameron with a smile and a

"Hi,nice to meet you." Me on the other hand,as we where under the pretense of a knowledge of each other i stood and embrace her in a friendly hug.Why,i had no idea.

She smelt good,really far too good.See?
This was a woman that had made an effort,to look her very best.The one i had was a different story,she didnt even bother changing what she wore that day and just threw on any old top.I had to admit i was being materialistic and shallow here but any man wants his woman to look GOOD when they go out,why should i be any different right??

I noticed a slight flush in her cheeks as she sat down and we all engaged in coversation.Well when i say We i mean Cam and Pharell and the hangers on who i didnt really know but she did.
Izzy and I just sat,with that urge to say something,anything but nothing coming out but the vibe of desperation.
This was going to be an interesting night.....

"Will you excuse me,im going to the ladies room" She spoke up as she got up.Stopped by his hand on her back.
"Girl you havent even had a drink yet...."
She smiled.He loved her smile. "I know thanks for pointing that out dude! but i still have too.Now excuse me." she eyed me again and made her way out.

As I got to the ladies and i breathed a sigh of relief, HOW.....Why now,jesus what was he doing here,and with that woman....This wasnt good this wasnt good at all.
As i checked my reflextion in the mirror i tried fanning myself off,till i think i just made it worse.
As i rounded the corner to make my way back into the club again i was stalled and pulled by...someone?.

"Jesus,Justin...you scared me!"

He looked sheepish at that and began to say sorry,until i stopped him.

"Look i didnt know you'd be here ok,had i known i would have just stayed away." He gave me that look again,the one that i knew so well..

"why?" He asked as we backed against the wall to continue talking and I looked at him like the idiot he was.

"BEEEcause you dumbass...Hello!! this...this whole awkwardness thing not to mention the fact that we slept together...a lot!" She was freaking out,which was new - she was always so,calm cool and collected this was a whole new side to her,that if he was honest he thought was adorable.

He smiled.he couldnt have been enjoying this.He just couldnt have been.


He laughed, as did i the awkward kind of laugh."I didn't even get to ask you how you where...."

I stopped at that,well i always was a drama queen wasnt i?
I matched his smile as he leaned into the wall that i stood
against infront of him. "sorry,HI...how are you."

"Oh im fine,just fiiiiine..." He was being funny again.

"That bad huh?"

Huh...you have NO idea.Im losing my mind i really am."


"Bored,miserable,wanting to kill myself,or her....shes driving me mad."

At that she full on laughed. "But your the media darhhhlings now,your soo in love an all that sh**...right?"

There was a slight pause,did i love her???


"Wrong.I like her...sometimes, but Izz,shes so..."

At that she just placed her finger over my lips,shook her head
gently no and replaced her finger with her lips.

It was completely unexpected, it wasnt forceful.It was gentle
soft and almost sweet had it not been for the shot of electric
that ran from my spine all over my body.I couldnt help it i
grabbed on to her sides and pulled her closer. Her hands were
on my chest, i never wanted it to end.It was the most exciting
thing that had happened to me in a while.

As we finally broke apart after either way too long or just not long enough i mangaged to catch my breath.


"Shh,we have to go back..And i shouldnt have done that."

I opened my mouth to protest but she just smiled. "I shouldnt
have,but im glad i did."
she turned from me and walked out on the the open section of
the club,leaving me speechless,and more than a little bit turned

When i stept back into the section that sat all my "party" i was smiling,without my knowing it. Of course she picked up on it,probably because i rarely even smiled any more,with her any way.

"Whats up with you...i didnt know peeing made you that happy?"

"ME? Eh...i just met this girl and she came on to me..." I said
sarcasticly as everyone else laughed including Izzy,but no
cameron she just pouted. "Huh...who was the b****...huh?"

Again everyone laughed,assumed she was kidding. I knew she

"Honey it was a joke." Izzy spoke up suddenly from across the
small table as Cam eyed her with daggers.

I smirked,i couldnt help it.Of course that didnt help matters any
either.As she stood up in a huff.

"I wanna dance,now!"

And with that she practically dragged me on to the dance floor
and started to move against me.Was it wrong that i wanted it to
be Isabel and not her?.Although i knew that no matter how sexually powerful and agressive izzy was she never needed to prove it to herself or anyone else for that matter by molesting me in public.Drunk or not she was pissing me off.

"girl slow it down ok..."

"Slow what down...we're just dancing."

I rolled my eyes and she caught it.

"What i do? Im just dancing with my man...whats wrong with that?"

"Nothin' its just...do you have to make it so damn obvious all the time???...People know we're together ok,they know im...your man or whatever ok,so just lay off the leg humping for a sec ???"

she retreated,and i knew she'd pout,but at that stage i didnt care.I really didnt which was unusual for me,but i was a little preoccupied.

I watched him dance with her,or more to the point her make him dance as she danced around him.She was a very odd woman. Pretty sure but nothing spectatular, i really didnt see what all the hype was about with her.And from the looks of things the shine had well and truely worn off his side of the relationship.Typical man,she was his "fantasy" woman he had her,and now he was bored.

She had paid attention to her man,but she had to admit she was a lot more interested in watching Justin watch her than she was listening to Pharell bang on and on to some guy about "beats and sh** ".."

Several drinks later Justin realised that she was way ahead of him,Infact Cameron was completely pissed and dancing around a guy and a pole?God was there nothing she wouldnt do for attention.I tried to get her to sit,but of course she knew better so i left her to it and rejoined the table,and maybe some sane company.

"Is she always like this.?"
Isabel had broken away from Pharell and his "meeting" to sit next to me as she handed me a beer,thank god.

"Yeah pretty much...." We both glanced at my crazy ass
girlfriend 'dance' and she laughed a little.

"So sorry dude....you really know how to pick 'em' dont ya?"

I looked at her then and she winked.It made me smile,how could it not.We were the only two people in the world that knew our secret,that we had a past and given the event that happened outside the ladies possibly a futher? The prospect of another kiss like that made me want to jump up and down it felt so f***ing good.

"Well i either fall for the crazies or the ones that aren't available....."
At that she looked away,wait did i just say id fallen for her....

She eyed me as she took another sip of her cocktail,"Maybe you should be careful who you walk with,that way you wouldnt fall at all....."

I gave as good as i got with the flirty looks,its all in the eyebrows baby! "What if i wanted to fall...."

At that she looked at me again,this time all sarcasim gone and genuine emotion in her eyes "What if when you fell there was no one there to catch you...what then?"

"I'd wait...I'd wait until there was SOMEONE there" I eyed her intensly as i knew i needed to get my point across "As long as it takes,Id wait."

tell me,tell me baby...uh.. :huh: what you think!!!!!!!!!!</span>

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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Fri Jun 17, 2005 9:09 pm

Ahhh, they're so hot together. Isabel and Justin, that is. Miss Camemoron and the leg humping. :puke: That kind of sh** gets really old really quick. :lol:

Isabel, don't make Justin wait too long. The hotness must continue. :pray:

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Postby laura » Mon Jun 20, 2005 5:41 am

<span style='font-family:lucinda handwriting'><span style='color:purple'> ;) ya a'int seen nothing yet!

Its the next few that really seal the fate of these two fun loving ho's!

PS: i also KNOW people are reading this,so do the decent thing and FEEDBACK!!

It means alot,so...do it! :lol: </span></span>

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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Mon Jun 27, 2005 8:38 am

OH LORDY ... I think a wee little babe is on the way. :huh: :o :lol: That was some hot hotel action, Miss Laura. I really liked using my imagination for that scene. :drool: And then in the shower ... *faints*

Cam is a posessive b****. No one is ever gonna take Justin away from his mama, so she just needs to stop trying to do that right now. :nod: I'm glad he told her off, but he still can't seem to get rid of her. <_<

I was "awwing" at Justin's gift to Isabel. That was so thoughtful and you can tell it really meant a lot to her that he took the time to find that out about her. :wub:

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Postby betty boop » Tue Jun 28, 2005 2:23 am

I think that those two need to quite playin and get on the same page.

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Postby laura » Tue Jun 28, 2005 9:29 am

oops i forgot to post the chapter paige is talkin' bout "betty" i will asap tho! thanks for reading sweetie! :D

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Postby betty boop » Wed Jun 29, 2005 2:07 am

I thought that I was missing something, but I didn't want to post anything about it cuz I figured that maybe you e-mailed her the chapter or something. Anyway, I understand about being busy and not able to post a lot, so there's no rush.

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Postby laura » Wed Jun 29, 2005 9:05 am

<span style='color:dodgerblue'> this is the one paige was responding to betty,enjoy sweetie!
Also: :lol:
Forgive me with the third paragraph i got kind personal...oops!

The next day i spent most of it on the beach,i needed to top up my tan and i was feeling ok with the fact that Pharell had blown me off again to "meet" some new singer or something,for all i knew he was off screwing some chick in the hotel.Either way i wasnt really that bothered.
Was that wrong?

It wasnt like i was ANTI-Love or anything i wasnt,fact was i had never been INLOVE with anyone before, i had loved guys,sure but i dont truely think i was IN love with them.Pharell was no different.
He was sweet in private,considerate at times,great in bed always a plus but he didnt get me,he didnt get why i was so passionate about writing about music,the people behind the voices,the beats and the bullsh**.

It was all i ever wanted to do, i wanted to show the world a different side to fame i wanted it to be real to them,i wanted them to know that through your art you can effect the world.Maybe it was the fact that i wanted to change the world,with my writing - that even if one chapter,one page,sentance,word had some possitive effect on the reader then id be happy.I didnt need awards for my writing from left right and centre to tell me that it was good, I knew that with even just one reader i had achieved the goal i had set out for when i sat down and began writing.
Sad thing was he never knew it,since he hardly ever read what i wrote.
As much as i loved my new hobbie of surfing and trying not to make an ass of myself, a few hours of it and i was zonked.I needed a relaxing half hour,and i needed a little bit of time away from Cameron....Again with the annoying.So i made my excuses and headed for the golf course,add that to the invite i got from Pharell i decided to go,to tred carefully but to go any way.
Was it wrong that i was hoping that Isabel would make another appearance? I couldnt help it i needed to see her again,even just for a second.

The hotel/country club/snooty dudes hangout was ok,a little stuffy for my tastes but i could deal i mean all i wanted was a few hours alone on the golf course,and a drink with a friend.Of course that never happens,i was just about to t-off when my cell phone beeped in my pocked completely throwing me off my concentration.



Duh...you called me... "Ahuh,whats up Cam?"

"Oh nothing i was just missing you.."


"oh...well,i uh...miss you too...but ive just been gone an hour..."

"I know...well i just wanted to call...I guess i should let you get back to it

"That would be good,look ill see you later k?"

"Ahuh,ok...Love you!"


"Me too.Cya."

At that i completely switiched off my cell,because more than likely she
would call again.
I hated any kind of sport that involved moving, i am a girlie girl and sweat just dones not enter in to the sexy side of things,so the only real one that i could possibly take any part in would be golf,i mean it was basically walking with a little metal stick that you'd wack a few balls with every now and again,this i could do.

"Babe your not doin' it right,look watch me...see you just tap it and let it go."

Ok ill admit i had NO clue how to play this sh**.I was left handed things
worked different for me...

"Need help?"

The voice came from behind me,and behind Pharell who stood next to me.

"J...Man good to see you i didnt think you'd make it."
12th green,i skipped a few when i saw em' standing there.

"Naw man i needed a few hours,relaxin' you know?" At that he eyed me,i wanted to melt.


"Justin good to see you again.No Cameron today?" I finally voiced.

He laughed that shy boy laugh as he looked to the ground and ran his hand through his hair.I loved it when he did that. "Uh no shes,surfing i think?..."

"How?After all she had to drink last night id figure she'd have her head stuck in a toliet like good normal people...."

"I know right...girl what are you doin' with your putter...your holding it ALL wrong..." He laughed at me,the ass.

"See this is what im saying." Pharell butted in.I almost forgot he was here.
Just at that Pharell's cell beeped.And he excused himself,told justin to "Take care of me" Oh if he only knew how much he could 'take care' of.

"Let me show you ok...See you hold it like this,thumb and forefinger at each end and grip." As he positioned himself almost completely behind me,the most unsavory thoughts ran through my warped brain just as he placed his hand over mind,a lot slower than he should have.When his skin touched mine,i instantly got goosebumps so did he - i felt it. God this was a more than dangerous situation.

I looked over my shoulder,and Pharell was far down the green deep in conversation on his phone,far enough away so he couldnt see them or hear them,not good.

"Like this?" I tried to imitate his hand.
"Yup...now line it up with the ball..." His hand softly grazed my thigh,over
to my hip.

I tried again,but i guess i wasnt doing it properly as he slid in behind me and took the club and my hands over his and straightened me out....in the worst way.Feeling him so close like that,feeling his body against mine and feeling his breath against his neck,i almost fell against him in refelx.

"See its not so hard is it..."

"Well the games not....I dont know about other things..."

He knew as well as i did what i was referring too. And he laughed,nervously as he to looked over his shoulder.Thinking the same
thing as i was no doubt.

As i wacked the ball, he stepped away.

"Ok you two,i have real bad news." Pharell stepped up again,almost out of nowhere,making me jump a little.
"Whats wrong?" I asked trying to cover up my blushing and my guilt.

"I gotta go...The new act these guys want me to scout has just arrived and i need to check it out....Im sorry baby."

"Pharell come on,we agreed i would stop writing all the time here and
you'd just stop!!!

"I know,im sorry" At that he smiled. "And hey its not like your alone,My
man Justin here can take you for that drink....what you think J??"

"Pharell...." i protested.

"Baby,I know ill be as quick as i can...J?"

"hey man you do your thing,Ill make sure shes happy." He smiled something wicked as Pharell turned his back to face me.

As he said his goodbyes and he trotted off down the golf course,the invation for that drink was put forth, and of course being the drunken slut that i am,i excepted.

Sitting in the hotel bar that was basically deserted we found a small booth and sat,At first just making idle conversation - weather,holiday stuff the fact that his mother hated his girlfriend.


"Yup, i mean i thought it was just a "new girl" thing right? But naw... it hasnt changed,its actually gotten worse.I mean shes semi normal around my folks,but man my mom just sees right through it."

"Shes thinks shes not good enough,dude ALL moms think that of the people their kids date,its nothin'"

"No its different i mean ususally shes happy if im happy,and i tell her that im happy bu-"

"But your not are you...Happy i mean."

"No,No am not.I try to be i really do wanna make it work,but sometimes its just too hard, and it shouldnt be THAT hard to be happy-you know?"

She nodded along and ordered another drink,for both of us.

"I know, i mean... well no i dont.If your not happy then why-"

"Bother? Im tired of looking for "The One" You know,looking and looking
and then falling and just ending up getting crushed,with Cam shes easy.Shes not the most inspiring with her conversation skills or even her listening skills....But shes there and shes consistant.I guess shes ok."

Was it weird that she finished my sentences? i guess we were more insync with each other than we thought,guess its not just in bed.

She shook her head,as if she couldnt believe what she was hearing.I had to ask why she was doing it.


Setting down her drink again she looked up at me.

"Justin,your settling... you once told me you'd never settle for anything less that your perfect mate.Soul,mind and body-mate and look what your

"Well...yeah,i mean she is my "perfect" woman...In theory at least...I wont do better than that so why bother looking?"

She was silent. As i subconsciously made my way closer to her.

"Isabel I always want what i cant have i guess we all do.But shes there and i like her and maybe given enough time and painkillers I'll learn to love her."

I took another drink and waited for her to respond.
Instead she just looked at me,raised eyebrow and pouted lips.... Damn,all that power in a look - it wasnt fair!

"What now?"

"Your pathetic you know that..."


"You heard me...Justin come on.Your miserable anyone can see that hell, A
blind man could see that."

"Im not im jus-"

"You said so last night" She backed up.

"I was drunk....forget that."

"Sure you where,and im Halle Berry.Your misery is clear and its
unexceptable.For example when was the last time you sat down, filled
with such inspiration and wrote a song , HUH?"

She had me there,in all honesty i hadnt had the urge to write in a long
ass time,nothing was there anymore.But this also showed me a different side to her, she cared weather she'd ever admit it or not.

"I-well..." As I struggled to come up with something even a lie,she knew
she had me.

"See..Told ya." she simply rolled her eyes and grinned like she had me all
figured out.

"Isabel why do you care,i mean your happy with him i get it but im ok how
i am so cant we just leave it..."

Her eyebrows crunched and she licked her now pink lips again,"Who said i
was happy...Where you not part of the kiss last night??"

He blushed.I loved that.

"See," I added "its just that some of us are better at hiding our misery
than others."

So having established that we where both living a lie,i took the liberty of ordering another drink,as the sun began to set.The view from the window was fantasic,the cliff the ocean that met the sky,and the company of the only person i could have a totally honest conversation with. Perfection.

Seven,possibly eight drinks later.We were still on the Jumping topic game.I swear one minute it was happy,next - not so much.

"Ok...Ok." He yawned,"I need coffee,i cant drive back to the villa like this...man im hazy.HOW much did we drink?"

She lazily checked the tap.... "OOPS,around $330 worth of booze...man thats...wrong."

"No sh**...OK i gotta pay for this sh** and then we're getting cabs..."
She groaned...


"Eh...I dont wanna go back there its all empty...and cold...ok well not
COLD this is hawaii but damn, i hate it"


"DUH...Boy your dummer drunk than sober,beeeeecause i hate
being...alone i guess and hes never there now i mean this whole recording thing it goes on all the damn time...I mean when you went to
the bathroom and he called...He didnt even ask if i was alone he just said he wouldnt be home....Well to the hotel you know what am sayin'........."

Ok so she was slightly drunk,he didnt feel like he was AS drunk as she was,he needed to get her coffee - fast.

I know i had i...had a key...OH HERE IT ISSSSSSS"


She rolled her eyes,"Phh...Its a private floor who we gonna wake??"

As she fighted to get the door open we finally stept through to the large
open planned suite all flowly curtains,white and all very minimal.

"Ok lets get you some coffee huh..." I made my way to the kitchen as she
took off her shoes and began changing, and i made her the stongest cup
of black coffee i could muster.For some reason i needed to check my
cell...And no surprise i had 17 missed calls,each message getting angrier
as they went on...OH well id deal with that later.

"Here...drink this it'll help i promise." I saw her there all curled up on the
chair, just sitting her curled hair now in a messy bun on top of her head
and her p'js on,pink shorts and a tank.She looked so small and innocent
like that,i had to admit it brought out the old fashioned in me.I just
wanted to keep her safe....From what exactly i had no idea.

"Thanks..I have a really sore head...maybe that sixth marg...wasnt such a
good idea?"

"Maybe." I laughed,as she giggled.

"Ok i need to lie down,really bad my heads spinning...ugh."

I watched as she made her way into the large bedroom,and got instantly
freaked out when i saw all of HIS stuff scatered all around.

"You gonna be ok? Or do ya need to throw up?" I asked as i began to
tuck her in.

"No Ill be ok...Come sit with me,im a drunken fool."

I did as she said and i took my seat on the edge of her bed."No your
not...why do have such a low opinion on yourself Izzy?"

She rolled her eyes,"I dont...well maybe i do,i just...People put down enough its hard not to believe,you know?"

He knew,and nodded in agreement.

"You shouldnt have though, personally i think your kinda awesome." I
added making sure to leave her enough space incase she really did need
to up chuck.

"Really? Why's that?"

"Dont know..." i fiddled with the strings on the blanket that was on top of
her,avoiding her eyes.

She huffed, as if she didnt believe what he said.


"You think im great but dont know why you think im great...dude you
make no sense..."

She was right,i didnt.

"Ok....because your sweet,even when you try not to be.Your funny all the
time even when you dont wanna be and your brutally honest.And those are qualities i like and you have em'....All wrapped up in a very beautiful package.Thats why"

She was silent for a while as i layed down next to her.



"Thank you....for just being here with me.Thank you." And with that she
leaned over and gently kissed him,just once before letting him speak.

"Pleasures mine darlin',really i should be thanking you...you know..."
She just grinned and closed her eyes again...and they both did something they never had before.They simply slept...just slept.

Waking up my head was pounding,really badly and my mouth felt like id dragged it all the way across the beach.UGH i was never drinking again...EVER!

He wasnt there,no surprise.I was glad he stayed with me.at the very
least until i got to sleep-it had been my first night in Hawaii when i had someone beside me as i drifted off,pharell wasnt there most of the time let alone at night.I dont even know why he sugessted this holiday for "US" we werent an "US" most of the time and when we where it was for sex,and sex alone.

"Where the hell were you last night,and yesterday...JUSTIN!!"

I was awakened with that sentance,and THAT voice yelling at me.I had come in at around 5,and slept on the sofa in the living room of the house we rented.It was now 8am which meant i was gonna be hung over,tired and listening to THAT all day....Help me God...


"You just left me and i was worried i mean you turned off your cell,i didnt
know where you where...SO??"

"SO...." I got up...slowly.

"I was out.With a few friends and we lost track of the time thats all, and
my battery died." I lied,and surpirsed myself at just how good i was at it.

"What friends...??"

"Pharell and Isabel..." i answered pulling on the jeans i wore the night

Her face changed.

"What?" I asked in a more than annoyed tone.

"I dont like her.Theres something off with her,i mean you heard her the
other night.ALL up in our business like it was hers!"

"Cam she was just-"

Again her tone changed and became more harsh than usual. "Your
defending her?"

"NO...IM just saying...shes a nice girl if you get to know her thats all."

Sitting back down again she folded her arms concluding that, "She seems
like a slut..."

That really ticked me off.As i downed a pint of cold cold water i snapped
my head in her direction

"What exactly gives you that idea?"

"Well-" She began.

"Well what?What did she do that made her a "Slut" exactly?Did she get
drunk and yell? NO did she dance around a pole with stangers?NO did she
embarass her boyfriend in front of his friends...NO.Honey you did all that
so i guess it makes you the slut,not her."

The shock in her eyes was to be expected,but i felt like sh** so i didnt care.

For the rest of the day she barely spoke to me,no surprise there
then.Maybe i was out of line talking to her like that,but it didnt sit well
with me that she felt the need to voice her opinions on Izzy like that.It
just didnt.

"Hello?" i had finally reached the phone after ending my 30 minute shower and now the end was quiet.

"HELLO?" i repeated.

"Is this Isabel?"

"Who is this?"

"Isabel its...Cameron,Justins-"

"Oh..Hi,Cameron? Uh Justins not here..."

God why was she calling...

"No...i know,um i was just calling to see if maybe you wanted to... I
dunno?Do something today.I realise i was a little unfriendly when we
met...and id like to maybe - "

What was she on?

"Uh, Cameron let me just check with Pharell and ill get right back to
ya...that sound good?"


She sounded a little over-happy about this prospect.So i did the only sane
thing i could think of. I dialled Justins cell and prayed she wouldnt answer.

"Justin,thank god..Has your girlfriend lost what little mind she had???"
"What do you mean..." I heard shuffling and then the closing of a door so i
figured it was safe to continue.

"I mean dude she just called me and asked me to 'do something" with her

"Really?thats not good...Huh i guess i upset her."


"Well i yelled at her,she said some not so nice things about you and i
didnt agree,and i said she needed to give you a chance...im sorry ill fix
it.Just call her and tell her your...busy or whatever ok?"

"Ok..thanks its just not something id want,you know her and me bein
all...whatever.you know??"

"I know,dont sweat it sweetheart." He was silent before he smirked "
Hey?You sleep ok after i left?"

I held back my laugh..."Yeah,i didnt even hear you leave.Thanks again for
stayin with me,it helped."

Now he was laughing."I never figured that if i got you drunk like that the
only thing we'd do in bed would be sleep!"

He had a point he had, had me with a lot less...

"Me neither....I took a deep breath and i considered not saying what i
said,"can i see you today?"
"Is that such a good idea?" He sounded aprehensive
"Nope its a really bad idea,but hey....its us WE are the bad idea but it
does stop the need now does it."

He was silent,but i could swear i saw his reaction.
"I want to,see you...But shes..shes adiment we do "stuff" today as a
couple...ugh...But after last night I cant really come up with a believeable excuse."

I had to admit even though i knew where he was coming from it still hurt that he'd pick her over me.
"Its ok..." I finally got out.

"No i feel bad, i want to see you..I do.But-"
"I get it..i do really its no problem.Ill cya."
And with that she hung up.It felt like a smack in the face if he was being

For the next few days i avoided him,as im sure he did me.The media had found out where they were and the photographers where all over the place.Not exactly the most wanted of things to have running around if you where planning to cheat on your girlfriend now was it?
So i busied myself with things,shallow meaningless things.Mainly shopping.

Walking in yet again alone to the hotel i greeted the usual evening staff that i had gotten to know over the last week and a half.And i took the elevator up to my room,fully aware that Pharell's "meeting" was more than likely going to run in to the night i took the liberty of order the room service and a few movies,again as i didnt feel like going out alone.
It was just after 12 when the knock came to the room door,it shocked me causing me to jump.

I walked slowly to the door,half expecting it to be pharell who had probably forgotten his key again.
I peeked through the looking glass,and saw that it wasnt Pharell,but Justin.He didnt look happy.
I opened the door and let him in as we exchanged hi's.

"What happened?You realise you look like sh** right?"

He laughed, a little.

"I know,ive just been walking around this last" He glanced at his
watch. "Two hours.I just needed to see a friendly face.Am a bothering
"Nope...Not at all. What happened?" I asked as we both took our seats
on the couch.And he removed his jacket.

"We had a fight,a big one this time.I told her all the things that annoyed
me about her,and we yelled at each other she threw stuff at me,it hit me and then it broke."
He absently looked around the room,avoiding my gaze.


"Oh,well yeah i mean my mom called right like she always does,shes says
she hates how i 'depend ' and idolise my mother that it wasnt healthy...I
had enough i mean first she insults you and then me and my mom?...so i
let her have it...all of it what i hated what i wanted her to stop...all of it."

"AND?" I was hooked on his retelling,mainly 'cause im a nosy b****..

"ANNND she freaked,accused me of being less interested in her so i had to
be having and affair...huh i wish." At that he glanced at me,one of those "I
want you glances" But ignored it and laughed "Man shes really posessive

He simply nodded.

"Yeah she is, i mean the other day i just suggested going into the studio
to you know maybe work...and she flipped and i mean flipped she wanted
me to take more time to consider movie roles,so we could spend even more time together...I mean f***...MORE time together..."

They were silent,really silent for almost five full minutes.Just being alone together like that was difficult.The tension was always there but they both tried to at the very least keep it under control.Now it was getting too much,it was almost taking up more room than they were.

"Izzy.Im sorry." He spoke up.

"For what J?"

Moving closer to her i continued being honest,"For...everything the last few days...Mainly not calling,not seeing you and actively avoiding you..." I smiled,he was always at the very least honest with me.
she rolled her eyes and smiled i truely did adore her."Dont sweat it baby, i wasnt exactly seeking ya out...."



His hand fell to her knee.Hers fell on top of his.They both pulled a
Dawsons and looked at each other - staring almost.He looked at her
lips,and lightly licked his own.

She knew what was coming,and she couldnt exactly say she was upset.

His voice was low,horse almost."Can i kiss you?"

She didnt answer,at least not verbally.She figured the look in her eyes
would do.It did. As he slowly made his way closer to her face,to her lips -
were he gently touched her soft pink lips with his own.

He tried to keep it gentle,he really did.To not be too over powering too

But it didnt work.Her hands where on him,pulling him closer than
before.She wanted him, there was no question in his mind now,even if
there had been before.
"j..I.." Through her kisses she was trying to say something,i however had
now gotten extremely comfortable on top of her,on the couch.

i made my way from her lips,to her jawline and down to the sensitve part of her neck that i knew she loved having kissed.I earned moans in the
honor of hitting it right.

I couldnt really handle this,i mean he was here again with me and we where in a not so innocent position.

As his hand slid up her t-sh** she thought she was going to die.WHY.....
They couldnt,could they?


"I am serious..."He smiled against her skin. At that his hand slid over her
bra and on to her breast.

At that she forgot all logic,screw it she was gonna enjoy this.

I managed somehow to get up,and he did too,shifting slightly so he could
slip my strappy top over my head. I suggested we move it to the other
room, and at first he was ok with it,but as we reached the doors i saw his
face change.

"I cant...Izzy i cant." He seemed freaked.

I really didnt understand it was just a room after all.

"Why...J come on..." I tryed to convince him as i wrapped by arms around
his waist pulling him into my now semi-topless figure.

"No..not here.Just not in that room..."

I relented,didnt get why he was so freaked out but i gave in either
way.Kissed him and moved over to the sofa again.

"Is this ok?" I laughed as he came over too,settling on top of me as he
kissed me again.

"Uhuh...just as long as you havent had sex on here before,its fine."

I stalled him at that...


"With Pharell??" He rolled his eyes slightly but i still noticed it."I know im
weird but i couldnt,not in the same bed,the same sheets i just couldn't."

Oh duh Izzy,it was that whole male thing...personally she knew the
sheets were clean but she got his point.
"Its...not weird its,ok.And no i havent." I confessed.

He smiled,finally and we carried on.
i felt like i had been waiting for this moment forever,somehow sex with
her wasnt just about the end result.It was amazing from beginning to end.It wasnt freaky or over acted or even anything different.It was simply her. Her body felt different from any other womans id ever had the privliage of touching - the way she moved,the way she made ME want to move.

All of it so...special.

It got so intense that id forgotten one vital piece of necessary protection i only realised it as i entered her.

I paused as she looked p at me with questioning eyes, "Isabel...i dont have," I took a deep breath as she smiled and knowingly flexed "you know." I so how got out of my mouth in more of a groan than anything.

"What?" Her lips where on my neck again and i almost forgot what it was i began to say.

"I didnt exactly come prepared for this..." I looked down between us and finally the look of knowlege flashed in her eyes.

"Oh....its ok." Her lips met mine again,he hands roaming my back. How did she make that sexy?

"No..Its not wh-"

She stalled me again,and smiled.Her smile had a way of just making all things wrong so right in just a second.

"J...Im clean,i assume you are yes?"

He nodded.

"And im on the pill...Besides i need you tonight... I NEED you all of you, so
dont take that away..."

I didnt, how could i? She was right it did feel absoloutely amazing, the
thing about protection was, yes it was a necessity but it also took so
much pleasure out of the actual experience,all the nerves where so much more exposed to all the sensations without it and just this once we let it go,she was right she needed me,but i needed her so much more.So we continued to drive each other to the edge and right back again,several times before we reached the point of no return.
i cant honestly remember what i said,or what she said,all i know is that we both said something and it was loud,her fingers dug into back the pain only added to the pleasure.It was undiscribeable really.

After a few short moments of silence,we realised that yes that kind of sex was a hell of a lot messier with out a condom.So we both got up, and headed for a shower.I had to admit the idea of Pharell walking in any moment scared the sh** out of me,She assured me that he had called and wouldnt be back for a while.It didnt help though.

As we both headed and tried at least to get clean,althought i had to admit
it was difficult,having him there all wet and sexy and what not. I did my best to concentrate on getting clean and getting out. I knew he wouldnt be home i knew it but the fear didnt go away,there was always a possibility.

"Hey..want me to wash your hair?"
I turned to him,he already had the bottle of shampoo in his hand.How could i say no?

So i nodded,he poured the pink liquid out of the clear bottle and then gently on to my head.

As he massaged it through my hair,it was so relaxing i almost forgot to hold my head up."Feel good?" he asked,

"As if theres anything you dont do that doesnt feel good?" I admitted a little too honestly.

He laughed at that,and he got closer and i felt that he was infact more than enjoying this,he was completely turned on...Again?

When his lips touched down on the back of my neck i shivered.And i knew i was slowly being brought back into his embrace.I was loving every second of it. If i could id bottle this feeling i'd sell it...
I moved in to kiss him and had to stand on my tiptoes to reach him,one of the upsides to being short,he picked me up and held be back against the wall,then i was feeling what he wanted me to,the fact that he was ready for me again, and hey who was i to refuse right??

I had wanted to tell her,all night i had to urge to say it out loud - finally voice what it was that i really felt for her,but something held me back. Each time we'd get quiet and i had the chance i still backed out i guess deep down i knew it wasnt something she wanted to hear.

After being together again and again that night we both knew that something was different,not exactly sure what...Just something.

We wouldnt address it,but it was there.
An hour later we we're dried and fresh,like nothing had happened.

Looking back on it now,it would have been best if nothing had happened that night - for everyone involved it would have been best.

Three weeks after the "holiday from hell" i finally had enough and i hashed it out with phareell i told him everything that i was annoyed with that i couldnt take being second best to his careere any more, i mean i suporrted him all the time in what he wanted to do,but wasnt a relationship supossed to be a two way street?? So that was it we where done,for now at least.

With Justin it was another story,as i was in New york for three weeks we took part in nightly phone calls that i have to admit, i loved recieving.The funny thing was though they weren't sexually driven calls,i mean sure there was the usual flirty behaviour and requests but we never took it any further,i guessed mainly because she was in the next room or something.The talking helped though it really did.

I soon realised that it was almost a year since Justin and had "arranged" our,relationship? If you could even call it that and he wanted to mark the occiasion,what he had in mind i had no idea.

That moring he called on me early and we decided since we were both free that day that we'd just spend it toghether.
For breakfast we decided on a grill diner not that far from my appartment,i hadnt been feeling the best so i was glad he was driving.

"so what is this all in aid of...i mean really its-"

"well you know i said i wanted to do something to mark this even though
you didnt? "
"yeah" I nodded.

"Well,i got you something...I know,i know we're not a "couple"and you
said no gifts so it isnt exactly allowed but i wanted to, so i just hope you like this thats all,and if you dont just tell me and i can take it back.I just wanted you to have this thats all..."

"Well...what is it??"

He looked nervous as he took the package out from beside him,it was big, wrapped in plain white paper.

My nerves where jumping,or was that hunger,either way i was ansy as i opened the paper.

"Oh..my go-, Justin..how did you-"

"You like it?" He asked his voice full of hope.

Did i like it? now there was dumb question,

It was my first ever edited edition of rolling stone along side the first ever
magazine i ever edited,all encased in gold and silver with my name on the

"Justin...How i mean i never told you i'd edited before?"

He was smiling,obiviously pleased that i liked it.

"Well...I know,but i did a little digging and this is what i found.You know
you have a "google "profile Izzy so all i did was call up your highschool and ask if they had one on copy.They did, so i just pieced them both together..."

I was still speechless.

This was a real gift,it wasnt something done so that you could show off
how much money you had and could spend on stupid diamond or unimportaint things - this was real and heartfelt. It wasnt so much Just the gift although she loved it it was more the work that had gone into the gift.He had really gone out of his way to get this...it meant so much to her she couldnt discribe it.

This whole reaching out thing,i just wasn't good at it.But somehow he made me want to.He made me want to let him in.And that just really wasnt a good idea given the circumstances.

For the rest of the morning we just bummed around the town not doing anything in paticular,it was nice actually.But for some reason a few hours later and i felt like i needed to eat again.So we did.

Mid through our Mc donalds his beeper went off,and he groaned as he realised what it was.

"Bad news?" His eyes rolled at my question or maybe it was his answer.

"Yeah,its cam shes finished filming an uh... and wants me to pick her up"

"Just tell her no, if you dont want to..." I offered,

"Wish i could,but im kinda her ride home since i dropped her off."

"Oh" I gave in ,"well then i guess you better go huh?"
he thought it over for a second, and then got up.

"You know what screw it,she can wait...I'll drive you home."

I was glad he was driving because it must have been the food but as we reached my building i was feeling a little queasy but tried to ignore it.

But when i got through the door i just couldnt hold it in anymore,i had to make a dash for the bathroom.

I threw up, i mean you couldnt pay me to throw up,but i did.Damn mc donalds food.

"Are you ok?" his face was filled with concern,it was nice to see for a change.

"yeah,i think so, i mean i havent been feeling well.I guess the food just topped it off."

"Maybe you should see a doctor??"

Yeah maybe i should,it was probably just a bug right? Just the flu.Nothing big,nothing life changing right??...I wish.</span>


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Postby betty boop » Thu Jun 30, 2005 1:36 am

maybe given enough time and painkillers I'll learn to love her."

:rofl: That was funny. Anyway, I'm surprised that J and Cam would stay together after a fight like that. That gift was real sweet, and it seems to me like there might be another little "gift" coming.

And don't worry about getting too personal. I kinda liked it. You are writing out, so of course your personality is gonna come out in the story. No need to apologize.

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Postby laura » Wed Jul 06, 2005 9:44 am

:hi: i should be able to update tomorow!!!!!!! Lots of things (i hope ) will make a little more sense!!!!!!! ;)

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Postby laura » Thu Jul 07, 2005 9:51 am

:hi: i really wish i could be one of those writers that has plans when she sits down to write,well i never do! i just sit and type what comes,maybe thats a good thing - maybe not! but i hope this makes sense! Enjoy!

<span style='color:dogerblue'>OK so maybe i knew why i was feeling constantly sick,maybe i knew why everything suddenly had a stronger smell than normal....Maybe.

But i decided to as i was told - for once at least and i went to the doctor.I went through some tests and was told to wait on the results.

With each passing minute i tried and tried to convince myself that i wasnt,that i was just a bug that id caught.I had to i mean the only other option was something i couldnt even think about.I just couldnt be pregnant???!!!

"Ms Andrews i have some news,you may want to sit down...."
The dark haired doctor instructed me.And i did so.I noticed my hands shaking a lot more than normal,this was it this was when my life ended.

"Your four and a half weeks pregnant."

I sat there in silence,my mouth slightly gaping she didnt just say that did she? No she couldnt have??

"Im sorry what?"

"Well it says with the results of the test that your in fact 4 and a half
weeks along,i take it this wasnt planned."


"No,not exactly..." I managed.

"And the father,i take it that this will be a surprise to your -boyfriend??"
Oh now there was the million dollar question.The one that had me shaking more so than the news of the baby itself....Fact was i had no idea,being the cheating whore that if was to circle one of them it was....well difficult to say the least.

I was numb from the news.I never thought it was possible not to feel anything. I mean this was happening wheather i liked it or not.I was pregnant.Carrying a child,growing it right now as we spoke.Jesus Christ?

What was he doing to me? He off all people KNEW ME God knew what a sucky person i was,and he was giving me a child??? Was he insane?

I got home and i couldn't even make it to bed,i just sat behind the door and i did something i hadnt done in quiet a long time. I cried,and i cried until i had no more tears in me.

Tomorow i would deal with this as an adult.But for now i was mourning.

I was mourning the fact that i knew from the second it was annonced.I just couldnt have this baby i just couldn't.

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>Weren't you the one that said, that you don't want me anymore.
And how you need your space, and give the keys back to your door.
And how I cried and tried and tried to make you stay with me.
But still you said that love was gone, and that I had to leave.

I needed to see her,it had been over a week - she never called and when i called she didnt answer.I knew she liked our phone calls so it was odd that she never answered one of them,and truth was i missed hearing her voice.

So ok what i did next could possibly be stated as stalking,but i didnt think so she knew me,she just didnt know i was waiting for her thats all.

I knew she finished work at four so i was there shortly after just sorta hanging aronund her appartment building.I am weird i dont need the judging looks thank you.. :)

I saw her exit her elevator and began to make my way up,this was it..

So she wasnt dead?

I walked up on her and i must have startled her because as i reached over to tap her shoulder she kicked me right in the balls.I swear the world stopped.NEVER had i experenced such pain before...EVER!

"AW JESUS..IZZY its me.." I managed before i stumbled to the ground.

"OHMYGOD" Her hand went to her mouth in shock.

"IM sooo sorry,its just jesus man do you always sneak up on women in darkened hallways??What is up with that????"

As i struggled to get to my feet i lached on to her,and she helped me up.

"Sorry ok..."

She didnt open the door.So i pushed "Um can i come in i kinda need to talk to ya...." I ventured.

She still didnt make eye contact with me.

"IZ?Can i ?"

"Look J its not the best time now ok,maybe later..."

I wasnt shy with her and i definately wasnt about to say nothing just to be ploite.

"Well sh** it seems like it hasnt been a good time all damn week,i call you dont answer and now your acting all caging and sh**..."
"Im not ok,i just think you should go im not in the mood for this right now..."
I was almost insulted. "I JUST want to talk to you whats wrong with that"

Finally she looked me in the eye,and raised that eyebrow in disbelief.

"Yeah Justin thats always how it starts,we JUST talk and then we end up SOMEHOW in bed,and i cant let that happen ok i just cant..." She looked tired the more she came in to the light,he eyes were all puffy - she'd been crying?and she was acting strange right? i mean i wasnt going crazy...

"Isabel..whats wrong."
Nothin' look please just go."

She made her way into the appartment,and i managed to block her from closing the door.

"Look Justin please just go away."

"No i want to know why your acting like this please? just tell what i did and then,and then i'll go....."

At that her phone rang and she retreated to answer it leaving the door ajar,i assumed it was for me to enter so i did.

I knew she was speaking in the other room and i couldnt quiet make out what she was saying.So yeah i made my way closer to the door,hopefully without being seen.

"Yes thats fine,what time did you say again...right ill be there at 4 thank you again for fitting me in so quickly doctor...Yes i do understand it all thank you.Ok i will bye."

I heard her hang up,

"Are you still sick?"

I bumped into her as she came rushing out of the room.The look of thunder on her face.

"You where listenin' in on my call..How f***ing dare you."

I laughed slightly at her over reaction "Iz,i was just-"

"BEIN' a nosy bastard...what gives you the right to just listen.."



She stomped from the den to the kitchen.Grabbing a water from the fridge.

"Isabel are you alright??"

I saw her roll her eyes.




"Izzy its me here..."

"Im aware thanks..." her tone was ripe with sarcasim.

"Im not leaving until you tell me so you might as well."

She paused as she took another sip of her water,and ordered me to sit down saying i might need to.

Of course i was completely freeked,i mean was she dying?

"Justin,Look i didnt want to have to tell you this but since your being your usual stubborn ass self about all this then i guess you dont leave me any choice..."

His face was so close to mine as i sat on the coffee table in front of him,concern washed all over his sweet and now hairless face.

She cleared her throat and almost looked as if she paced herself for what she was about to say.

"I...Havent told anyone this,mainly because i cant....Its complicated,but you asked,so...

Justin im pregnant."

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>Now you, talkin bout a family
Now you, sayin I complete your dream
Now you, sayin I'm your everything

I swear i saw his mouth drop.

"W-what?I,i mean...huh?"

"YOUR PREGNANT??" He stood up almost as if he couldnt help himself.His hands throwing around expressively as he said it over and over again,as if it was sinking in slowly.


"No you wait..If i hadnt come to see you... would you have told me?"

"Probably not...Look it doesnt matter ok-"

"What? Dont be stupid of COURSE IT MATTERS!!! YOUR PREGNANT...."He sat down,looking completely deflated.

He figeted with the hem of his Green t-shirt before looking me in the eye."Do you know...who... i mean is it his or-"

Now i got up,more from shame i just couldnt look at him, "I dont know with the dates...its-"


"hawaii..." I stated simply. He just nodded.

"So there is a good chance its mine right..."He took a long deep breath, "Ok, izz its gonna be ok we can deal with this!"

"No...WE aren't going to do anything ok i-"

"Dont tell me your goin' back to HIM? seriously after all that you said-"

"NO...God listen to me for a minute,it doesnt matter either way justin
because...Im not keeping it."

His eyes narrowed in on me, "You mean adopt...well i "

"No,jesus.." She ran her fingers through her hair once and stood beside me again tears now filling her eyes "Im having an abortion ok, thats what im trying to say.Im not having this baby....thats what the call was.It was the clinic confirming my appointment.Its tuesday at 4,and i wont be cancelling it."

I was...for lack of a better term,f***ed up.She wasnt seriously considering this i mean sure there were risks but to just disguard it...a little person like it was trash...How could she do it.

I watched her wipe away one tear after another that fell from her painfilled eyes.

we sat in complete silence for a good few minutes just the sound of the clock behind her ticking on the wall.

"Say something."

"What do you want me to say.You've decided,i dont have a say in the matter do i? I mean maybe it is my kid maybe not...either way your killing it,so why dont you tell me what the f*** im supossed to think let alone say????"

His tone was for the first time in a long time...Bitter with her,mad angry..All the things he had a right to feel.

"Fine maybe you should just go then.."


"NO? Well what then?" he got up and moved over to the chair she sat in.He kneeled down in front of her.

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>You confusin me
What you say to me
Don't play with me

"Isabel im asking you- no i am begging you not to do this.Please just think it through a little more please? You could be killing my kid here, and i cant just sit back and let that happen... Isabel i love you.." I blurted out without fully meaning too.
Now it my turn to gape in shock..HE WHAT????

"Huh?" I asked as he smiled,a full on in his eyes smile. " I love you" I decided to run with it and tell her "i have done since we met...ive loved you and i need you to know it...this baby Izz i dont care if-"

"Stop,Justin please just dont ok..I cant have this child reguardless of the father! i personally im so far away from being a mother...i couldnt do it alone."

I was still reeling from his confession,truth was it was exactly what i wanted and exactly not all rolled into one!

"You wouldnt have to...I'd be there...Id help you,you wouldnt have to worry about anything..."

"But what if its not-"

I truely didnt understand why he was being so nice,most guys in his position would have run for the hills!

"I dont care...Izzy i dont. I love you and either way it would be part of you...and thats enough for me...please just think about this,about us."

I had done the one thing i had promised myself that i wouldnt do - i got attached to him,i let him in and now i knew i was going to pay for it.I'd allowed myself to think about that possibility of an "US" and that just wasnt allowed.

And when I saw the hope the desperation and the dispair all in those sparkling baby blues, i couldnt hold it in,i just let go sobbed.

"Justin you dont get it...WE dont exsist,as far as your world and mine are concerned WE are just...professionals doing our job..WE aren't real,we never where....and this"She sniffed " cant be either...It just cant happen."

That was Sunday,i had two days to either convince her not to do it or try and forget her forever.

At home things weren't going well,i was snappy and moody mainly i was sitting there holding my slowly breaking heart and not one of then noticed.

"So.what do you think honey?" I knew my mom was talking to me i just hadnt fully heard what she said.

"Huh?" I looked up from where i sat,i was staring at piece of lint on the floor.

"We where talking about maybe you coming down home for a few days..."Cameron added. "yeah sweetie,you've been sorta distracted the last few days..So maybe sometime with the family would do you good?"
I sat up looked at my mother and the woman she hated co-operating, obviously they were worried.

"No,i dont think so i mean ive just been busy,im fine."

I didnt give them a chance to respond i just got out of my chair and headed upstairs,maybe id get some peace.

The day i found out was the last day id slept,i mean she was serious she was doing this on tuesday.It numbed me in a way,in others it enraged me,she wasnt even giving it a chance....

I loved her,id wanted to tell her that for the longest time but i always punked out for the fear that id scare her off,and that second i knew it didnt matter what i said she wasn't going to be turned.

For the two days i had left to change her mind i did all i could think of without being found out.I called all the time,i showed up she wouldnt let me even in the building let alone in to her appartment.

Tuesday came and i waited outside her appartment all morning, i knew she'd have to leave sooner or later and when she did i was going to make her talk.

Finally the moment came at one thirty,Just as it started to rain heavily i saw her in her long pink coat and black boots over her jeans,as she walked slowly out of the large building.

I instantly jumped from the car and ran,till i caught up with her.

"Isabel???" i must have yelled her name five times before she turned around.

"oh god you again...dude i have to go and if you hadnt noticed its pissing down with rain..."

"So...get in the car...Please?"

I pleaded with her verbally and with my puppy eyes as i motioned to the car and she finally caved.

"The only reason im here is cause my car's in the shop....look Justin im going to be late..."

i held back the desire to slap her,did she not know what she was doing to me? I mean a little tact wouldnt go a miss here now would it?

"f***, you know how make it sting dont you?!"

Her head bowed as she rinsed off her slightly damp hair.

"Look Justin i have believe me or not been giving a lot of thought to what you said.f*** i havent slept in days...

But the fact of the matter is that either way this kid will grow up being different from everyone else...white with a famous dad always in his shadow,or black with a guy whos barely able to look after himself let alone be a dad, or maybe no dad at all,and with a white mom....its not fair either way...

I just looked at her as we drove.

"Are you taking me there?"

"Yes." his tone didnt give much away,i knew he was upset and thats all i could pick up on.

"I am sorry this had to happen this way Justin really."

"Sure...sure you are."

The rest of the ride was done so in silence as i thought about what i was about to do,to go through. I was about to commit murder....

We pulled up outide the deserted clinic,it was a well known building and
highly recomended for being safe and having high standards.They had no problems why you were there just that when you where they took care of you to the best of their ability.It didnt make the process any easier though.

"You want me to go with you??" He asked me sniffing back his tears,i on the other hand just let them flow i couldnt help it now.

"No...This i should do alone.Besides this isnt the best place for you to be seen with a girl whos not Diaz...."

As i went to exit the car he stalled me his hand on mine.

"I understand it,i do..." The look in his eyes was one of pain,i hated the fact that i was the one who did that to him i was the one who took the sweetness out of those eyes and replaced it with sheer sadness.

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>Cause what goes around, comes around.
What goes up, must come down.
Now who's cryin, desirin to come back to me
What goes around, comes around.

But i had to keep telling myself i was doing the right thing.

Wasnt i??


I walked in to the huge building,everything at that moment seemed so overwhelming.The eggplant covered walls seemed to be closing in on me,but what i was doing,what i was planning on doing it was the right thing for me,the baby and everyone else involved.

She was in there a really long time,i waited like i told her i would. The rain never stopped it was almost like it was as miserable as i was.

That was it,she was doing it right at that minute.And what did i do? I sat and let her. I know there was a chance that the kid wasnt even mine for f*** sake why was i so hurt?

Maybe because i loved her so much that i really didnt give a sh** who fathered the kid i would have loved it either way - i would.

Two hours and a little bit later she emerged,looking paler than ive ever seen her,all huddled up in her big coat.I got out of the car,still i pulled down my cap and up my coat incase someone would notice me.

And i walked over to the steps.

"Are you ok?," I had blurted out before i knew what it meant " I mean how do you feel??"

At that she just sighed,her tearstained face telling me everything she felt.

"I feel empty thats how i feel..."

"Izz..." I tried,

She stopped me,walked over to me and hugged me just once kissed me on the cheek and walked away.

I didnt understand her behaviour at all. Didnt she want to talk about it? At least tell me something?

No. She just walked away leaving me there, soaked and confused as hell.

After that day i knew it wasnt wise or even smart to try and see her again,so i did what i had to, to keep busy.I even began writing again weird huh...it seems it always take some kind of drama to ignite that spark in me,and this one did it big time. Of course i still couldnt tell any one,for the straight up fear that everyone else would find out and then everything would be ruined.

I though about her all the time,and i thought about the baby.I mean how could i not you know?

But i did my best to build a relationship with Cameron,i tried at least- that woman was so damn difficult man.

But yeah so there i was still doing my best burying myself in my work nine months to the day that she told me which would have made the baby a month old had she not.......

I still hadn't called her, and weirdly enough i hadnt even seen her on the social scene like i used to.I guess maybe she was avoiding me too.

Still i thought about it,the baby when i would have been born, maybe what it would have been...All of the things i shouldnt have been thinking about.

So i guess i used things as distractions. Other women that didnt make up for her absence,the music that i really wasnt even feelin' and hell even movies.

"So Justin,Rolling Stone is on the other line for you...Will i patch them through?"

I sat in the office section of Wright Entertainment that was the last thing i needed them to do,call. At the same time though i had to wonder was this her?

"Uh yeah put 'em through...." I waited and heard a voice on the other line,it definatly wasn't her. A deep male voice came on and asked if i could be part of another line up for a shoot, I was only half listening as thoughts of her flooded my head.

"yeah im in...uh can i just ask,is Isabel Andrews there at the moment would i be able to speak with her??"

"Sir?" The voice spoke. "Miss Andrews left us here more than uh...seven months ago."

i swear i almost dropped the damn phone?


"She..uh she left she resigned her job here and moved out of LA,We were all pretty shocked."

"who is this again sorry?" I had to ask even in my state of confusion.

"This is Richard Evans we met when Izzy and I interviewed you last year...."

"OH, hi listen do you know why she quit?"

The line was silent and i almost saw his shuffle.

"uh,no not really she just said she couldnt take LA anymore and wanted a quieter life in the countryside and that this wasnt what she needed any more...It was all very strange."

He was more than right with that one.

"Did she leave a forwarding address?"

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>What goes up, must come down.
It's called Karma baby.
And it goes around.

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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Thu Jul 07, 2005 10:10 am

:( Laura, you're managing to break my heart with every chapter. Wow, that was sad. It reminded me of the scene in Alfie where he takes the girl to the abortion clinic. I'm sorry their relationship had to end up like this, but Isabel makes the final decision on what she wants to do with her body. Maybe there will be some magical happy ending where she lied to Justin and actually kept the baby. :pray: :pray: :unsure:

No forwarding address!!!! Quit her job!!!! :huh: :huh: :blink: :unsure: :ph34r:

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Postby laura » Thu Jul 07, 2005 10:17 am

whatchagot4meMRJT wrote: Maybe there will be some magical happy ending where she lied to Justin and actually kept the baby. :pray: :pray: :unsure:

No forwarding address!!!! Quit her job!!!! :huh: :huh: :blink: :unsure: :ph34r:

:blink: :blink: woman!!! stop being so smart...or have those mind reading classes took effect? :lol:

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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Thu Jul 07, 2005 10:27 am

:D :lol:

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Postby betty boop » Thu Jul 07, 2005 5:54 pm

I hope that she didn't have an abortion and just sat in the clinic for a couple of hours thinking about it or sometin. It is odd that she quit her job and moved......

i really wish i could be one of those writers that has plans when she sits down to write,well i never do! i just sit and type what comes,maybe thats a good thing - maybe not! but i hope this makes sense! Enjoy!

Don't worry. I do the same things. I try to write ahead, but I'm more of a spur of the moment kinda person.

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Postby laura » Thu Jul 14, 2005 9:14 am

<span style='color:green'>I had to admit moving away from LA was the best thing i could have done.Sure i missed aspects about LA and i missed my old job. Yes i missed him too,it was difficult not to really but i had made a choice and i was sticking to it!.

Boston was beautiful and the part i chose was wonderful.A nice quiet community with nice neighbours.The house was amazing i mean it was right out of a fifties sitcom,the shutters the white fence the perfect lawns i had to admit Westeria Lane was growing on me to no end.I had got a job editing the a Boston newpaper and the best part of it was i could work from home,something that was extremely importaint now.

Boston? boston ?Her? I didnt get it...I just didnt i mean what the hell was in Boston that wasnt in LA?

I guess it was what wasnt in Boston that WAS in LA,and i guess that would be me,and our history.

So maybe i should have left it alone,maybe i should have let her move on with her life? It wasnt like we had this well built relationship we where f*** buddies plain and simple right???
With me? it was never that simple.

I had thought about looking her up and calling i could have found her.
I mean her assistant wasnt exactly shy with the details and i think he had a thing for me which made it easy for me to dig information out of him.It freaked me out but i was man enough to except that i was wanted by both sexes,Just not one named Isabel Andrews.

Boston was great but damn. It was always some what colder than LA,i missed the constant heat i had got used to.

But still this was the life i had started to build.It had been about eleven months since i had seen Justin in person.I wont deny that i missed him because i did,deeply.More than i should have. And when i read he was engaged it stung,again more than i should have let it.But i was working on getting him out of my system.Although given the circumstances it was a little difficult.

So here i was,on the East coast under the pretense of "work".What was i really doing? Steaking out an old flames neighbour hood.

It seemed like a nice neighbourhood.Wealthy no doubt but still modest.

So un-izzy.I had found her address and i was there outside it,just waiting.Stalling my stupidity,i was about to get out and go in i knew she was home since all her windows where open, it was September but it was still not as hot as it should have been,but there was a nice breeze to the air.

As i walked up her tiny path my nerves grew and grew but i pushed them away and i rang the door bell.

This was it no turning back now.


"JUSTIN????" She answered her door with a smile but it soon faded when she saw my face.She then stept into the door sheilding the rest of the house from my view.

"What the hell are you doing here??" her tone was a softer one this time,i still couldnt speak.She was still so beautiful, her hair was a lot shorter than i remember it also now had some blonde streaks.But she still had that glow that i loved.

"Isabel HI?long time no see..and all that..."

She laughed nervously,"Hi..How..I mean.. how did you find me?"

I moved up a step and stood right infront of her face.

"Your assistant...wasnt exactly difficult.Why didnt you tell me you were leaving?" I got right to the point for once.

"I...Just didnt want to,i wanted to start over" She stated honestly. I still felt that barrier though.

"In Dullsville...Izz," I Looked around at the neighbours looking out of their windows and instantly felt scared " Uhh...can i at least come in?"
"NO" She spat out in almost fear?


"No." She rebutted in a nicer tone than before, "Look now isnt the best time..."

I got closer to the door she looked back at whatever was in the house.

"Look please just leave ok." Her voice was desperate,she was paniced for some reason.

Did she have a guy in there or what?

"No look i came all this way i need to talk to you."

At that her eyes widened.As did mine. There was a crying coming from inside the house.A crying that really could come from a baby....

"whats that?"

"Whats what?" She shrugged.

It clicked. And i dont know where it came from but i pushed her out of the way and i marched in to her house like i owned the joint.

There it was,the source of the crying.

A baby,sitting in a large crib in the center of the living room.

I looked at Izzy who had ran in after me then i looked at the baby again.

IT couldnt be....It wasnt possible...was it?"

"Justin look i can explain..." she began to babble.

"You damn well better..."

The baby was small but not exactly new born, he had the brightest blue eyes and a fast forming head of blonde hair,with a small curl.

This baby was mine...

I justed stared down at him,he was dressed in blue so i figured he was a he.

"Justin.." she went and picked him up.He stopped crying almost instantly.

"This is uhh, Ryan..."
I still hadnt blinked.Nor had i took a deep breath.

"TH-thats my...i mean hes-"

She stuck his dummy in his mouth and he seemed content,she just looked away.
"yes...he is.Justin im sorry ok? i didnt tell you i just couldnt..you understand dont you??" Her voice was paniced and she was shaking.She placed the baby in his crib.

"You understand why i-"
"Lied" I finished for her "you let me watch you go into that clinic,you let me wait and think that you were in there killing that kid!! MY KID!"
"Justin stop yelling you'll scare him...."
I grabbed her by the arm out of the room into the hall way.

"why...Just tell me why you lied,you let me mourn the loss of the kid,That child...you-"
The emotion got to much and the tears started streaming,it wasnt long before i was doing the same.

"I had to.I went in there and i couldnt do it." She all but screamed "But i also knew that if i was going to be a mother to this child then i had to start over.If i had stayed and he turned out to be Pharell's i would more than likely have been alone any way.Had he been yours-"
"He is mine.." He added coldly.Again gazing back into the room.

"Well yeah...but had he been yours there his life my life wouldnt have been our own.The press would have found out and everyones life including ryans would have been ruined.! And i couldnt let that happen..."

I sat with her in her large living room watching as she fed the baby. I couldnt believe it, i had a son? ME?

"Isabel,how did you do it...alone i mean,were you not scared?"

From her silence i knew to wait,as she took a deep breath and began.

"Yeah i was scared,terrified even. I honestly didnt think i could do it alone.And i fought with myself every day not to call you,but i couldnt because i was still so unsure, but i had my mom and my sister who live a few hours away now. So it wasnt a bad pregancy...And then when he was born, well i heard of your engagement and i didnt really think i could."

At that she began to fidget with her sweater end.I didnt know what to say.Yes i had saw and heard the rumours myself but i didnt think she would believe it?

"I..Izzy im not.."

"No,its fine really...I mean i knew deep down that maybe you loved her and were just...well,I think that if your happy with her now and you want that then.."


She looked up and stopped babling right away, "What?"

"Im not engaged...ok, im not and definately not to her...what-"

"Well i saw it on the news? SO...i just figured..."
He shook his head no,as if he couldnt believe what she was saying,

"No, im not and if thats the only thing that kept you from telling me...I mean what did you think? That i couldnt handle it?"

"Justin i know you and look had i had a choice i wouldnt have wanted my life to be interuppted, and you had a choice so i figured id give it to you.."

"But you didnt,you didnt give me the choice to say yes or no to this...Isabel do you understand just how huge this is..IM A FATHER..."
She looked down almost in shame,so ok maybe i was being a little harsh with all the yelling but come on shes had months to get used to this,to ajust.I've had an hour!

With the silence in the room all but over whelming i had to move,at the very least get out of his eye line.

"Do you want something to eat?Drink? Anything?" I asked trying to fill the void.

"Naw,im ok...Although i need the bathroom?" She nodded and directed me to the top of her stairs as she walked into her kitchen.

I did what i had to and as i made my way out i couldnt help but notice the room, his room.

I pushed open the already ajar door and made my way inside. She had decorated it in various shades of blue and a sweet lemon.He had everything a baby could possibly ask for,and more.She had been doing an amazing job it seemed like.There were pictures of him and her all over the room,for his birth to his first smile he was a beautiful little boy...She had it all documented.Still the journalist...

It hit me,i'd missed all this...all of it was never going to happen again no matter what this was my first born i'd never have another, and i missed it.

"He has your eyes..."

I jumped,as i looked to see her standing in the doorway.

"Yeah i noticed..."

She came in and took a seat beside me on the mini lemon couch she had across from his crib.

"Izzy what exactly am i supossed to do here? I really dont know whats best."

"I know,its....Difficult"she stressed ". Justin i know you'd make possibly the best father to Ryan,but your life isnt ours now and no ones knows about me,or him and if you...If you were to tell Cameron and your family...It would be around the world in seconds that this "scandal" of ours had produced a illigitiment child.And i dont want my son to be known as that....And neither should you."

I understood it, i did the last thing i wanted was to cause him any pain.

"But i cant just go home and forget that he exsists now can i? Its too hard Izzy it would kill me really it would."

The pain in his voice cut through me.I'd never heard him like that before.

"J, I am so, so sorry but i dont know...I just cant allow this to happen."

At that i saw the tears whell in his eyes.It broke me down and i cried too.

"Justin please. Do what you have to, but i cant let this get out,i cant and i wont.Hes my responsibilty now - he comes first no matter what."


Some six hours after i had arrived i made my way to the car id rented while i was there.It killed me to leave her..him.But i knew i had to do it.

She told me that i could see him whenever i wanted to see him.I thanked God for even just that small gesture,it was better than never right?

I knew i had to tell someone and the best person for that?Who else but my mom.Really truely the only other person i could trust.

Getting back to LA was the longest flight ever it seemed.

But once i was safely landed i managed to avoid Cameron and make a dash for my mom.After the events of the previous day i needed her more than ever.

"Ma,i need to talk to you...Its really importaint."
She sat down her tea and took a seat beside me.

"Whats wrong?"
Jesus where did i start.

"Well i have a lot of explaining to do before you could understand this.Mom" I began, " a little over a year ago i met this girl,this woman and we - Well we basically hooked up and we agreed to keep doing so.It wasnt a conventional relationship, we both knew we didnt want that but i,well the more i got to know her the more i fell for her.But i knew she didnt want that so i kept quiet and we both saw other people." I took a deep breath as i noticed she was concentrating on me.

"Well basically we met again in Hawaii, you know when Cam and i went there the first time?"
She nodded.

"And well" I was stalling. "Well we kinda had sex there again and then-"
"You cheated on Cameron?" Her tone was surprised,not shocked though.

"Yeah,i did.Look thats not the point ok? Something happened that night....She,uhh she got pregnant."

I swallowed.As her eyes widened.

"JUSTIN?How....how could you let that happen? I always told you to be careful and look-"

"MOM!" I stopped her.


"She told me that she didnt want it,that because there was a possibility that it wasnt mine she didnt want to go through all that and that she wasnt ready to be a mother....

It killed me,mom it really did because in all honesty i loved her, and i didnt care either way."

"Justin,who was this girl?" She asked in concern.

Again i took another deep breath.

"Isabel Andews." I said simply.And i watched the wheels turning in her head as she looked skywards.

"Wait isnt she...The editor of...And wasnt she seeing Pharell?"

Oh god,

"Yeah" i said in shame.

"I know ok? I know im a bastard for doin' it,but Ma shes...different - she was worth the risk."
"Obviously not,if she aborted your baby she doesnt seem like the-"

"She didnt" I blurted out finally. I didnt wait for a response.

"She didnt do what she told me she was doing,she quit her job and moved to Boston,she didnt tell anyone that she was pregnant,Ma she had a boy two months ago."
I watched her mouth fall open,and the shock in her eyes.


I nodded. "Ryan Matthew...Andrews i guess.Here" I showed her a tiny picture i took with my phone.

After the inital shock of it all,she was cooing over just how adorable he was- well it couldnt be denied.

"What are you gonna do? Have you told Cameron?"She asked still holding my phone.

"Nope,your the only one that knows and you cant tell anyone not even dad ok? She doesnt want Ryan brought in to this whole thing,she wants him to lead as normal of a life as possible.I can see her point mom but it doesnt really help me does it?...I mean i want to be part of his life, i want him to know me but at the same time i dont want the world involved."
She just nodded.

"Well baby you know i know you'd make the best dad for this little guy and i wanna see him too,but its up to you to sort this with Isabel is it? And maybe you two could come to an agreement or something if you wanted.?"

Yeah maybe....Question was,was i ready to flip my world upside down for something i wasnt even sure of?


My stupid mouth
Has got me in trouble
I said too much again

It had been almost a week since i returned from Boston,and in that six days since id told my mother she had stayed true to her word and not told a soul. I on the other hand was slowing losing my grip on the secret.

I knew i had to deal with cameron,and i needed to tell her, i owed her that at the very least.

"Can we talk for a sec?" I asked as she sat beside me on the sofa of her appartment.

"Sure we can,whats up?" She was smiling,overly smiling this wasnt the best time for her to be like that.

"I have to tell you something and im not sure - ok i am sure how your gonna react,but i still gotta do it."
Her expression changed.To one of a more serious nature.

"Whats wrong baby?"

I decided for once to just me straight up with her,no bullsh**." Cameron i've been cheating on you."

Her face dropped. "Excuse me?"

"Look," I began again "A little over 9 months ago i was seeing someone else but it ended and i thought she was out of my life.Turns out-"


"I-" I tired to get out.

"You bastard,you've been seeing someone else?? Who is she?"

"It doesn't matter...look"

"Yes!!! OK YES it does matter TO ME!!Who the hell is the b****?"

I got up.I couldn't take the stare any more.
"Look im telling you this because i think that you should know ok? This isnt fun for me,its importaint that you know because from now on things are gonna be different.The reason im telling you is because shes had a baby,and that baby is mine."

I watched the tears whell up in her eyes and i felt like the prick i was,hell i didnt even know she knew how to cry.

"Cam i am so sor-"

She was offended
She said "well anyway..."
Just dying for a subject change

Oh, it's another social casualty
Score one more for me
How could I forget?
Mama said "think before speaking

She stopped me with her hand,wiping the tears with her other. "Do not even try to justify this! Just tell me...who is she?"
I thought about telling her,but then again how could i not?Soon or later she would find out....

"Isabel Andrews,shes-"

"The b**** from Hawaii? How? i mean we where there together? I....Dont understand?"

"No," I lowered my head in shame, "We knew each other from before,almost a year before....and yes,it happened in Hawaii...I know im a motherf***er for doin' this,but well i did and i cant take it back."

She just walked around her living room shaking her head as if she couldnt believe what she was hearing.

"Well i hope she was worth it.."

She was....


"Dont ok?Just dont..."Again she wiped away more tears. "Just tell me,did you ever love me?"
I knew i couldnt lie.

"I care about you,i do very much...But-"

"You dont love me" She nodded laughing slightly "Do you love her?"

There was a pause, and that seemed to madden her even more


Again she nodded, "Does she love you?" She asked pouring herself a drink.

"I dont know..."

That seemed to amuse her, as she almost cackled. "sh** you are as dumb as you look!"

I would have been insulted had it not have been from her mouth,she wasnt one to talk.


"No,really i mean you couldnt script this sh**...I love you,you DONT love me but are fine with f***ing with me physically and emotionally for over a year making me believe that this was what you wanted,that you wanted me!!,you then love this other woman who im guessin', wants sh** all to do with you...and now she has a kid you didnt know about!! I mean really Justin you must be so proud of yourself..."

Her bitterness was to be expected,i really didnt blame her for letting it lose on me.

"Believe it or not i didnt want to hurt you,i didnt.But the truth is....i need her. Its that simple...so hate me if you want but at least im bein' straight with you..."
"After months of lying!!Your an ass you know that...Just get the f*** out!!" She yelled,firing her half full glass of vodka at me.Hitting the wall behind my head. Damn,nice aim!



After that i exited her property,replaced my hat on my head and was followed home by my escort of Pap photogaphers.That night i recieved several nasty ass bitter and exceptionally drunk phone calls from Cameron,like i had expected so i did the senseable thing and shut my cell off and screened my home number.

I managed somehow to get in touch with Izzy again,she had by the luck of God called just before i shut off my cell.She wanted to know how i was,had i told them and what exactly the reaction was.

I told her the truth,that given the shock and the anger on both parts things weren't lookin' healthy.

She agreed that my family should be allowed to know,she said she had talked it over with her family and they we're supportive in anything that happened from that point on wards.

"Justin i just want you to be careful ok,when and who you tell - details things like that,i dont need the press showing up here and causing a scene you know?"

"Yeah i know and i will do my best to see that it doesnt happen.But if it does-"

"If it does then ill deal but id prefer if it didnt!"

No filter in my head
Oh, what's a boy to do
I guess he better find one soon

We bit our lips
She looked out the window
Rolling tiny balls of napkin paper
I played a quick game of chess with the salt and pepper shaker

I knew where she was coming from with that one,i knew she liked her privacy and i respected that, neither of them asked for this.

"Ok. Listen would you guys be able to make a trip out here? Its just...well i wanna see him but i cant move for work right now,i know its a lot to ask - it bein' such a long way an all...But-"

I sensed her aprehension in her tone. "J I dunno? is that such a good idea i mean ive never met..."

O[I]h, the way she feels about me has changed
Thanks for playing, try again.
How could I forget?
Mama said "think before speaking"
No filter in my head
Oh, what's a boy to do
I guess he better find one

"Please they're nice...A little weird yeah but i swear they wouldnt be mean or anything like that.I just really miss him,weird huh since i only saw him for a few hours an all."

Ok so i was heavy on the guilt trip with her,but it was all the truth and i didnt wanna miss an opportunity just 'cause i didnt ask!

"Ok,I'll think about it and let you know ok?"
I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank you. Really...Thank you Isabel."


My stupid mouth

:blowkiss: </span>

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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Thu Jul 14, 2005 9:38 am

:yay: :yay: My mind reading skills really paid off this time. :lol: I knew that Isabel wouldn't have the abortion. She may like the f*** buddy situation, but she's a caring girl.

Ryan sounds adorable. :wub: Just like his dad. ^_^ I know that they can work this out. Sometimes the craziest of situations can bring people together, so that's what I'm hoping for. :pray:

GREAT UPDATE! I loved Cam making the drunk calls. :guzzle:

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Postby laura » Tue Jul 19, 2005 10:01 am

ok where did bettygo?? well where ever she is,i plan on updating possibly all of these tomorow!!!! bye! :wave:

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Postby laura » Wed Jul 20, 2005 6:33 am

<span style='color:hotpink'>***
I was insane, I really was...Wasnt i? I mean here i was letting him in,letting him dictate our lives already.Jesus i was dumb,it was the one thing i said i WOULDNT do.

What we had was fun and it was meant to be no strings,well Ryan was a huge string.I didnt mind it - because he was my son after all and i loved him.I knew no child given the option would want to NOT know who fathered them and i didnt want him growing up a lie either.

I just didnt want him growing up as the son of a superstar, it wouldn’t have been fair on him.
See this is a classic example of why you should never sleep with celebrities - Two different worlds,and now those worlds were about to collide.
Big time!

Pulling up to the gates of the house the nerves that had been building up in my stomach suddenly seemed to multiply and explode, this was it no turning back.
I knew there were gonna be people other than Justin there at that point, mainly from the array of cars that were parked in his drive way.I honestly felt about 16 again,they were gonna eat me alive weren't they?

I rang the bell and waited,each second the pains in my stomach growing and growing.

"Izzy,hey.." He greeted me with a big genuine smile and a hug, i needed it at that second.
"Hi,J you said it would just us and your parents..." I glanced at the cars..
"It is..." He looked confused. "Oh...Most of those are mine."


"Well ok then," I smiled and entered the large house he called home,for the second time since id known him.
As he led me to the living room we stopped just outside it,as he turned to me.
"It will be ok you know? They wont bite. I promise" He smiled.
"Mom,Paul this is Isabel,Isabel this is my mom and dad."
As the short blonde woman and the even shorter dark haired man stood to greet me their friendly smiles put me at ease,a little.Not a lot but it was helping.
I introduced myself and we sat,at first beginning with idle conversation and then it hit.
"So,wheres the baby?" His dad spoke up.

"Oh,hes with my mom.I didnt think the trip would be good for him hes been through the flu and i didnt want him getting worse..."

And the fact i didnt know if y'all would wanna see me let alone him.
"Oh i see." He added. As justin stood and "suggested" that he and his dad go "get something to drink for everyone".That little punk,leaving me with her.

"So Isabel what is it that you do now?"

"Im still editing,just at a smaller,slower pace which i need with Ryan you know?"
She nodded. "Yeah i know how hard it is being a single parent,when Justins father and i Split it was difficult, made worse when Randy didnt really wanna know."

"Oh I -"

"See thats why ive always taught Justin to be respectful and to face his responsibilities head on. He wants to do that as far as the baby is concerned."

"I understand that i do...But-"

"But what?" She interrupted "Ryan is his son too is he not?"

"Well yes but-"

"So there then.He has a right to a part of his life and i hope you realise that its going to happen..He will be Ryans father." Ok i wasn't loving the tone of this b****.

"Lynn i get it ok,no need to come on all heavy handed with this.I know Justin and i know that he wants this.
To an extent i do too.But Lynn hes my son,and i wont have other people tell me how to raise him,Justin may have a say but his word isnt gospel,understand?"
I wanted her to like me,but at the same time i wasnt about to let go of my beliefs and my reason just to be nice and be liked? Had i done that i would have still been a coffee girl for the local news.
She simply nodded as Justin and his dad returned with drinks.
I prayed he laced my coffee with something a little stronger,at this point i needed it.

"Izz,hows he doin'" Justin asked.
"Hes good,other than the flu he had hes good."

He nodded and smiled.
Just as his cell buzzed on the table in front of him.

"Excuse me." He said picking it up and walking out of earshot.
"So Isabel,Justin hasnt gone into too much detail...How did you too meet." his dad pipped up again obviously trying to disperse the tension filled void between Lynn and myself.

"Oh..Um we met at a work party for the uh,VMA's in New York..It was after he debuted the single."

"Oh,and when did you start dating?"
Ok,did they tell this man anything?
"Well actually...."
I was interrupted by Justin,



"Trace called hes having a few problems with his bank and some sh** he wants to know if you could go over and help sort it?"

The small mans face lit up,lucky bastard was getting out...


At that he kissed his wife and literaly skipped out the door, I assumed by the look plastered across Lynns face that she knew the real history between myself and her son.

"Jezz did you tell him anything that was true?" I aimed at Justin.


"What was he supposed to say Isabel?"

"How about we met, we f***ed, and then we moved on...moved back and then i got pregnant.." I knew that she was pretty much aware of what went on, due to the lace of hospitility coming from her, she already knew what we had wasnt exactly the purest of encounters so why lie?"Look Mrs Harless you seem like a really smart and honest woman, but if your trying to make me feel guilty about what we did then dont,because it wont work.What justin and i did wasnt and isnt uncommon for two unattached people in there twenties.I have no guilt over what we did.And i dont bullsh** people Justin and im not about to start now."

He went to protest again,why i have no clue he knew i wasnt gonna lie to her, why bother trying to stop it.

"No Justin its ok" She added " I appriciate her honesty,its fine."

"Good " I added.

"Look since your such a fan of honesty here " Justin began, "When do i get to see him."

Ah now there was the question i had expected.

"Have you told everyone?"

"Just who needs to know,family - Trace, ive been promised it wont go far."

"And Cameron?" I had to ask.

"Her too" He nodded " I owed her an explation as to why i was breaking up with her."

"She knows about it all?" I was confused did he not know it would get back to Pharell.

"Pretty much." He added again ignoring his mother.

"I see....."

"Justin, i should let you both discuss this alone " Finally she took the hint.I didnt want to be mean to the
woman because in all honesty she seemed nice and kinda like my own mom.

As she stood he did too,kissing her on the cheek.

"Isabel it was nice meeting you." She lied.

"You too,And im sorry if ive been harsh Lynn really..."

She shook her head and hugged me,which i had to admit i wasnt expecting.

"I get it,dont worry ' bout it.I'll be seeing ya' "

Some twenty minutes after she left we had somehow settled in to a conversation that wasnt hostile or bitter,it wasnt exactly interesting either but at least we weren't yelling.

"Justin what do we do if this gets out?" I brought it up because mainly it was my prime concern.

"I'll take care of it.."

"How?" I pressed.

"I just will.IF it does then i'll deal,you dont have to worry nothin' will harm him Izzy i swear - id die before id let that happen."

I still wasnt as convinced as he was but i let it slide.

"If you say so..."

He smiled, "I do.So chill mama."

Conversation stayed light after that,i liked it better that way.

"So hey you never did tell me what happened with Diaz." I asked pouring myself a glass of the sweet white he laid on the table in front.

"uh..." He groaned stretching "She...She went nuts,to a degree.I mean i expected it her bein' all possessive an all...But damn she threw a glass at my head..." The sound of shock in his voice was so funny.

"And what you expected her to just let it slide? dude...come on even I know you a'int that dumb."

"Stop laughing..." he faked insult of course that only made it worse, "Stop...Ok so maybe i knew she'd flip but come on,i check my voicemail again today...Girl 43 messages...43??? i mean who would do that?"

"What she say?"

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>Although loneliness has always been a friend of mine
I'm leaving my life in your hands
People say I'm crazy and that I am blind
Risking it all in a glance

"Oh...the usual" He rolled his eyes taking another sip of his beer. "She says shes gonna make me "pay" i mean really...its sad."

"Well...i cant talk 'cause im partly responsible for the arrival of the basic instict b**** she seems to be turning into."

He shook his head whilst swallowing his mouthful of beer, "No your not,that was all me i did it to her and ill deal with her when i need too,but for now...well lets talk about something else."

We did,for almost another two hours we just talked and i had to be honest it was nice.For the first time in months i could have an honest conversation again, no hiding no nothing. He knew all my dirty little secrets,as i knew all of his.

"Hey, you know what i remembered...When i first saw you." He smiled.

"Yeah J, i do too, the VM-"

"Nope it was before that,when Nsync were at Rolling Stone for an interview a few years back. I saw you, you were Assistant Editor and i passed your desk,you never looked at me but i noticed you. Then again at one of the vending machines,you gave me change for the five dollars i had...We discussed the evilness that was small change...."

I just looked at him in bewilderment.

"You dont remember do you?" He asked grinning as he sipped his beer.

"No,sorry....i really would think id remember that?But i dont?"

"Well " He wined, "You looked busy and over worked, i like to think you had other things on your mind when you ignored my obvious flirting..."

I just smiled, "Nope i guess your game was a little off that day sweetness...."
"ME? My game is always on baby..." He smirked.

"Yeah im sure,whatever,Ok i gotta pee.Dude? Bathroom?"

"Oh! The one upstairs is good the others are in the middle of bein' redone."

"Thanks." I took my wine glass with me. By that time i was a little drunk and i hadnt realised i had it till i
reached the top of the stairs,just as his door bell rang.

"Hold on!" he yelled setting down his glass, he really had no idea who could possible wanna see him at almost 11pm,and since he wasnt expecting anyone it made it even weirder.

As he opened the door he wasnt sure what happened but he realised he'd been wacked in the face,just as he almost fell back on his ass, Pharell came in behind him.

"You stupid motherf***er,you f***ed Isabel didnt you...you son of a b****..."

As his fist met my face again and again i knew i had to get up before he killed me. I defended myself and managed to get him off me.

"Man,let me explain!!!"

"f*** that,you little bastard..."

"Pharell come on..." As i blocked his fist again with my hand i held him down.

"It wasnt like that" I lied.

"Sure it wasnt it...I know everything!! You little b**** so dont even-"


Finally he backed off,both of us scruffed up and more than likely two bloody noses.
"So what was it then? huh? Did you do it for fun or just to spite me...."

"I wouldnt do than man,Izz and i go back ok.For almost a year we....Look i knew her before,way before you
two hooked up.Pharell i -"

"You screwed my girl man...you screwed me over dude,and you expect me to listen to you lie AGAIN?"

"N-No...Look i would have never of even thought 'bout it,only what i had with her was more man, it wasnt just-"

"SEX? So tell me"He got up,from the ground motioning towards me again, "Was she worth it huh? I mean i knew the b**** liked it rough,and she was good ill give her that, but was she really worth all this?"
Again it angered me that he would talk about her that way.

"Dont ok,just dont!" I got up from the ground.

"Why? Cant handle it? Justin,shes a whore...She used you just like she did me...Face it."

I could do it, i could just sit there and let him say that.Im not a violent person, im not but i didnt know what id done until id done it,my fist met his face knocking him off the side of the couch on top of and smashing the coffee table.

"Dont talk about her like that!!" I yelled as he stumbled to his feet wiping his bloody mouth, and laughing.

"She really got to you huh? I can see why, i mean shes...." He nodded,more to himself than anything."Yeah..." He added as he wiped more blood from his mouth he smirked softly "Do you love her?"
What was the right answer to that?

I just stayed silent.

"I see....You know i thought she was different, you know? I mean i knew she didnt love me, i knew she was
thinking of someone else.Truth was i ignored it,i ignored her misery because i got what i wanted from her.I guess she just didnt get what she wanted from me..."

There was another silence, "I am sorry Pharell, i am. I needed her,just...her and i just didnt want to think about how much everyone else was effected, you know? " I tried to explain.

"I could sit her and say i never wanted to hurt anyone,but i knew i would, i knew when this got out....I knew.But know this, i am sorry that y'all got caught up in this...This drama."

He nodded again. "I never loved her,she knew that, i should have expected she'd fall for you" He smirked, "Smart ass whiteboy with a heart."
"What makes you think she fell for me?" I dont know where i got the courage to ask.

"Because man,the entire Hawaii trip she...She wouldnt come near me you know? We faught,so we just....I
knew then there was someone else,but i just never thought..."


"Dont ok? Im ok...i'll be fine." He paused "So listen if you see her,just tell her i know and that...well i wish her and the kid...your kid all the best ok?"

"I will."

"Sorry about your face J,i guess when Cameron told me..I just flipped." Huge surprise there then.

"Ill be fine.Sorry too,you know?" I added shamefully.

He nodded in agreement "Dude, if you love her just promise me you'll treat her right, i didnt.Make sure you do."

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>I don't care who you are
Where you're from
What you did
As long as you love me


Having saw what went down with them from the sideline view that was his staircase, i knew it wasnt wise for me to annonce my presence.
He seemed hurt, i never knew he cared at all,let alone that much.Pharell was a self proclaimed "Lover,not a fighter" So for him to even consider violence, well it was new?.
They seemed to be ok after a few rounds,they seemed to calm down which i was thankful for since i knew it wouldnt have been long until at least one of them needed medical attention.

As i watched then shake/hug it filled me with such guilt i thought my chest would burst.
I had caused that. I had caused all this pain with two men that were the best of friends, musically and personally and i had messed with that bond and that trust.
I watched Pharell walk out the door,and i saw Justin’s face. He was hurt,and i dont just mean physically.

"Hey...You ok?" I asked making my cowardly way down his massive staircase.

"I take it you saw...." He asked as he began picking up the remains of his coffee table.

I simply nooded making my way closer to him. "Some of it yeah...Your hurt?" I noted touching his face.
"Im fine..." He maintained.

At that i rolled my eyes and marched into his kitchen,looking for enough ice to keep his face from blowing up like a pumpkin.
"Here,hold this to your eye.It'll stop it swellin'." As he did what he was told i sat next to him.

"Im sorry"

"For what?"
"That..."I Pointed to his eye. "And for this whole mess of things...Its my fault." It was the truth.

"Izzy,this isn't your fault,ok if anything its all mine. I knew what i was doin'..."

"So did i? I guess we're both to blame right? I just wish i didnt feel so bad."
He nodded. "Yeah i know what you mean."

"Yeah.." I looked around at his trashed living room,and realised the time as my vision honed in on the clock on the wall.

"Wow...I really have to go,check in at my hotel ends in a hour...Ive over stayed."
He looked at me,and then at the clock and shook his head.

"Naw,stay...Ive got plenty of room."

"No,really it would be better if i went...I cant stay,i have my flight and everything tomorow."

"Girl..." He shook his head again, "Dont be stupid,stay....Why argue a free room? And if you want,ill give
you a ride to the airport tomorow. Deal?"

"Deal???" He persisted.
I rolled my eyes at his stubbornness "ugh,fine...Fine.."

"Good" he glowed with accomplishment ,having won me over.

"Wait here" He annonced "I'll go get a room ready for you."

"Oh,ok?" I gave in.As i watched him sprint up the staircase i just came down.

I used my alone time to do what i think everyone would have done,i snooped around.

Looking at his tables in the different rooms.All of them adorned with photographs,of his family,brothers possibly cousins,parents.Him with his idols.It was nice to see that side of him.

His house was very much a bachelor pad. Neat lines,leather seats,nice lighting.If i didnt know better i would have assumedit was a gay guys place,but i knew that definitely not to be the case.Dispite what his taste in jewellery said about him.

I got kind of bored waiting,so i decided to follow the path he took up the stairs again.

As i walked into the soft lit room i saw what had kept him, He was making the bed fresh.There really wasnt
any need, i could have like i told him just gone to the hotel.But he seemed set so i wasnt gonna fight it.

"Hey,I got bored." I announced walking in and sitting in the chair that stood beside the large and extremely comfortable looking bed he was busy making.

"Sorry,i couldnt remember where my mom moved all my linens..."
I watched as he studiously placed the white pillow in the soft pink pillow case and then placed it next to the others that he'd placed just right.

"There...all done.I hope this is ok?" he ran his fingers through his new curls again,this was a sign i knew. He was nervous.

"No its great,thanks!

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>
Every little thing that you have said and done
Feels like it's deep within me
Doesn't really matter if you're on the run
It seems like we're meant to be

The air was thick, awkward even.Not something we experienced often.

"Right" he began "i'll leave you to it then." He nodded more to himself than anything.

"Thanks." I added,not really knowing what to say. I got up and walked over to him.

I motioned to hug him,it just happened. I wasnt even a hugger but i did.

"What was that for?" He asked clearly as taken back by my action as i was.

"I...dont know.I just...never mind." i moved to step away but he gently grabbed my arm.

"No tell me,what?" he had that look,that im picturing you naked look

I felt like an idiot because i didnt really have an answer.

"Its nothing i just...needed that,thats all.Im an idiot i know..." as i pulled my hair from its clip that held it in
place,a little of the tension i had in my neck seemed to disappear. Thankfully.

"Well,good night Isabel." He said as i noticed that uncomfortable look again.

Holy awkward. i just wanted to do it,all i had to do was just do it! kiss her,just kiss her damn it!
But did i? Nope! I was punking out - Yet again as i made my way to the door to go to my room and spend the night cold and alone.
Im such a b**** sometimes.

"Justin?" I turned to see her,sitting on the bed that i had made.

I waited. I watched,as she got up and walked towards me.

When she was just a breath away she stopped looked me over and in an almost whisper,

"There was something else...that i needed from you"

At that she stood on her tiptoes to be at my level. Grazed her nose against mine,twice before smiling and
softly,so softly brushing her lips across mine.

There was a shot that ran right through me.I realised i never wanted it to end. I wasnt quiet sure what made me kiss him,i mean it wasnt JUST the attraction, this time it was different.

When her lips touched mine there was a distinct floating feeling going on, i couldnt describe how much i had wanted that kiss, her kiss that was once again unlike any other.

As she pulled away i could almost feel myself wanting to protest, but i didn’t knowing it wasnt wise since she was the one in charge of this....Whatever it was.

"Oh, im sorry." She moved back, looking guilty.

"For what?" I managed somewhat breathlessly.

"J..I..." She began,and Ok so i broke my own rules, i stopped her i couldn’t stand it. Those lips...They were
perfection and they were less than an inch away.

I subconsciously edged her closer to me as i slid my hands almost teasingly up and down her sides,over her clothes and down her bare arms that she then wrapped around my neck.
I picked her up,with the use of my hips and edged us both closer to the bed. She didnt protest so i proceeded.

I slid down slowly landing us both down softly.

As her head hit the covers her body too,mine wasnt far behind.

The mix of her perfume and the overwhelming smell of fabric softener that hit my already alert senses i was intoxicated as her hands roamed to my shirt and tenderly she began to work the buttons - peeling it from my chest.

Her lips were on me again,this time exploring my chest.As her hands rand down my arms to my sides and then hit the waistband of my pants.

"Are you sure" I managed, as she nodded without hesitation.

"Abso-" Her answer was cut off as she moved us both further into the bed.

She took her place above me,again all the while kissing me furiously.

I moved my hands from her hips that steadied her to the base of her top,i slid my hands inside and peeled it from her as she then un-clasped her bra letting our naked top half’s touch, and i think if it was possible i just got that little bit harder.

"sh**..Girl." I moaned more than actually said.

She grinned something wicked "Yeah?" As i just shook my head.

"Too hot huh lake?"

"Your real funny" i said whilst pulling at her skirt that had risen as she sat on top of me.

At that she looked at me funny and giggled. "In a hurry Justin?"
"No...just...well..yeah." I admitted. I hadnt anything to hide from her,after all she was probably the only person who knew me,really i mean the no bullsh**, the celebrity egotistical version of me, that i fed to literally everyone else in my life - it didnt exsist when she was around.
After finally ridding him of his clothes,he did the same to me and in all honestly things then got really hazy.
It was like i was lost in his presence, he took me over completely and it got to the point where i wasnt sure where he ended and i began.It was different than before.I felt the intensity of every kiss,touch and lick. I knew what he was feeling because i felt it too.
It was then when all the tension, all the pent up frustrations and the urges where gone,when it was just us alone in the dark quiet room.Where he held me so tenderly in his strong,yet soft arms - it was then i knew.
I loved him,i was so in love with this man.
It was shortly after four am when i realised i had tossed and turned all night. I knew when we started that night that maybe it wasnt the best of ideas id ever had. I mean here i was trying to build a decent kind of relationship with the woman,so that i could have basic access to my son and what do i do?
I literally f***ed it away the moment i kissed her.

I could sit here and bullsh** and say i couldnt help myself,i could say that it was a need that i had to satisfy, but the truth was i wanted her badly again - regardless of the consequences. This was a pattern i was beginning to see in myself. I wasnt sure how it had happened but that night as she laid peacefully next to me i knew it had to stop.The emotional and physical dependence i had on her,it had to end! She was the mother of my son and i needed a relationship with her for him,not for myself. She had made it clear on more than one occasion that she didnt love me,so why keep torturing myself?
It had to end,we needed to be friends and nothing more. I needed to make that happen.I was going to make it happen.</span>

I don't care, as long as you love me.

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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Wed Jul 20, 2005 7:53 am

FRIENDS AND NOTHING MORE! :blink: With their chemistry, that ain't a happenin'. No way. :lol:

Having to explain everything to his mom and then to Pharrell was rough. But, it's all out in the open now, and that's probably for the best. There's only so long you can keep your son a secret. :huh:

I'm still keeping my eye on Cam. She's the type to do some crazy sh** and come after Isabel. I'd watch my back.

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Postby laura » Mon Jul 25, 2005 9:33 am

hey!!!!! ok this is hella long but im almost getting to a point where i cant write this any more!!!!! im running out of wonderful ideas!! :lol: so any and all are welcome!!!! enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;)

<span style='color:hotpink'> ****
I woke up the next morning feelin' after the initial "where the hell am i?" thought,i felt fantastic. I knew what i wanted, i wanted him.
I wanted to tell him how i felt about him. I wanted to tell the world, because for the first time in a long ass time i found myself in the state of love,a place i didnt visit often.

My blissful feelings where put on hold somewhat when i woke up to find my bed,empty.

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>Just Somethin' about you
Way I'm lookin at you, whatever
You keep lookin' at me
You're gettin' scared now

Thinking nothing of it i made my way to shower and before getting dressed and presentable.

His house was massive,i didnt realise the extent of it completely until that morning as i went walk- about looking for his ass.

Finally finding him outside in his extension studio,where it almost looked like he was hiding.
"Hey you..." Was his greeting.

"Hey,What you doin'?"

He manuvered to be next to me,where he greeted me again with a
kiss - on the cheek?


"Just workin' nothin special, i didnt want to wake you..."

"Well i wouldnt have minded if you had,you know my flights not till
three if you wanted to do something till i leave...I wouldnt say no." I

At that he grew uncomfortable, i really didnt understand the way he
was acting.

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>I kinda noticed something one nite
You’re the one with the frump face
It's kinda weird to me
Since you're so fine

"Justin,is everything ok?"

"Yeah,of course it is...Why wouldnt it be?" His answer was at warp
speed and then i knew it was a lie.

"Look dont bullsh** me ok? What’s wrong with you..."

"I...Nothing ok? I am fine." He repeated.


As she stood with her hands on her hips and that infamous eyebrow raised at me, i knew i had to confess.

"Fine, Look Izzy we can’t be doin' this..."

"What? Talkin'? sh** i didnt know it was a-"

"No,this!" He seemed to get over animated at that "This, screwing
around. We cant do that any more...We gotta think about how we're
gonna do this,with Ryan.I mean how are we supposed to be parents if
we keep ignoring the real issues just to get some..."

Is that what he thought it was? sh**. That was harsh.

"I see."

I walked away from him, i had to i couldnt look at him mainly because i
felt the tears whell up in my eyes.

"Izzy,why did you do it? Why'd you lie?"

At that her head snapped back to look him in the eye.


"Pharell,he told me the entire time y'all where in Hawaii you never -
Well that y'all never did it.So you knew the baby was mine..Didnt you?."

Finally an rationalization for his weirdness. I knew he'd find out sooner
or later.

"I wasnt sure how you'd react....I needed to see how you'd feel first
with no pressure. But then i thought either way i couldnt go through
with it - myself.

I really didnt..

"But why-"

"I dont know ok? Justin i was f***ed up and scared and i felt alone. I
figured that if you knew straight up it was yours you'd feel obligated to
care, to take action...I didnt want that..."

Why was it when i was around him did i felt the unnecessary need to
just sob my eyes out?

I could hear it in her voice, she was breaking. I didnt mean to push her,but didnt i have good reason too? She had lied...AGAIN.
"Isabel...Come on just level with me ok?" I ushered, trying to get her to at the very least face me.

As i saw her turn and wipe away whatever trace of a tear that had fallen, she looked up at me finally.


"Why'd you lie? I know you...You think i dont but i do,you had to have had a good reason to just go through all that alone?"

He was right but damnit i didnt want him knowing, this wasn't how i imagined telling him.

"Because i had to, to-"

"To what?" He pushed. Her voice breaking more by the second it was obvious that she was more than a little upset.

"justin,please dont do this ok?"

"No...I want to know? I need to know!!!"

"I cant,"

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>If it's up to me your face'll change
If you smlie then that should set the tone

"Tell me!" he pushed.

"Because..... I love you ok? "
<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>Ain't nobody love you like I love you
You're a good girl and that's what makes me trust you
Late at nite I talk to you
You will know the difference when I touch you

As i stood there,in shock at her outburst.
I was dumbfounded. She just looked at me and rolled her eyes,
"I loved you and i didnt want to admit it,i didnt WANT to need you."
"Y-You love me?" Again i was suffering from a semi-mini-mind melt so i was a little on the dumb side.
"DUH!!!God i swear your so slow."
"You said you didnt...you said-"

"I KNOW WHAT I SAID OK?" God, i know but i was kidding myself. I love
you, i have done for a while but me being the stubborn ass that i am, i
didnt want to face it."

"Why?" He asked softly.

"Because " She said shyly, " I didnt know how to love you, i mean i
knew how...but i didnt,you know?"

Actually no,but i wasnt going to interrupt her she seemed to be on a

"See i guess more than anything i was scared, i mean you were taken and you where - to the rest of the world anyway, perfect with her. I figured you were happy with her,and i was the one distracting you or whatever and then the baby...Well i dont know i just figured you'd be better off without either of us."

She sighed and sat on the control board beside me.

"Isabel,you know for a smart girl you can be really really dumb


"No,ok you had your turn. What in the hell made you think that id be
better off without you? Huh? Really now,where did that come from?"

She just shrugged,the beginning of a smile showing on her face.

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>People are so phony
Nosy cause they're lonely
Aren't you sick of the same thing?
They say so and so was datin'
Loved you or they hatin'
And it doesn't matter anyway
Cause we’re here tonite

"Izzy, i thought for the longest time that you felt nothin'.That maybe i
wasnt good enough for you... "He visibly took a deep breath.Before continuing. "I have been in love with you from that night in New
York...Ever since then i've wanted to tell you."

Yeah i knew that too,but damn it still didnt make it easy,
"Im sorry ive been so...harse with this thing. I guess its a self preservation move that i do,i thought if i didnt think i loved you i wouldnt."

He smiled at me,that all knowing smile.

"Well thats kinda dumb dont you think?"

She nodded. "Kinda," she whispered. "But i guess that makes me kinda
dumb." She laughed.

"Justin,what now? I mean wh-"

Walking over to her,to comfort myself more than anything.

"We take it a day at a time,and see how we survive ok?." He grinned.

"But first things first " He smiled again this time showing all his teeth. "I wanna see my boy...you mind having company on this flight of yours?"
So I gave into him,i let him come with me. Throughout the flight me made me talk, i hated talking when id fly.But i did,mostly about Ryan.He was happy to hear about him, i knew he would be - he was smitten.

"Oh i forgot, i have something for you." I reached into my carry on luggage that sat above me in first class and found what i had brought for him.

"Here, i knew you would want this. Its not the real thing, i mean being
there an all, but i documented pretty much everything...I hope it helps?"

It was a large blue scrap book. With Ryan's name on it.
Inside she had put all of his pictures, From his scan pictures to his birth,everything possible.It was there. As well as comments like :"First spit up....i guess he didnt like the milk." "New born poop is toxic...."

And my favourite " He wont stop staring at me...he knows i havent a
clue what i'm doing."

"Izz,thank you...This is wonderful...really!" The smile on his face
matched his mood. It had made him happy that she'd though about him
missing out.

She was right it wasnt the real thing, but she had put so much detail
into it,it sure felt a little like it.

When the lengthy flight finally ended we were met at the airport by my sister,driving my car.

"Hey girl, how was LA?" She greeted widened eyes as she noticed my

"Anna, Hey...It was, interesting." I laughed as i introduced her to
Justin. Awkward, kind of but she was the kind of girl that got along with
everyone so i knew it wouldn’t take long fir her to get him to open up.

"Moms at your place, she didn’t exactly know that...well that we'd have
company. But she cooking up a storm.Ry's been as good as gold."

"Thank god! I was so worried, i mean with the doctor saying about that cough an all...Thanks so much for watching him for me..."

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>Maybe we'll fly the nite away</span>

At that her sister smiled "Oh no problem....he’s an angel."

I noticed Justin throughout the car ride, quieter than usual.

"You ok?" I asked

"Yup....Just excited I guess."

Ok, he was cute too cute sometimes.

I noticed right away that her sister looked nothing like her, spoke like her yeah but that’s it. She was light blonde, older maybe but it was hard to tell. If she was older it was only by a little bit. Isabel never really talked about her family much, so meeting her mom was going to be interesting.

Wait,should i have been scared?

"Izz? Your mom? What does she think of me? I mean does she think
I’m some heartless dude who just abandoned you? or..."

"No,she knows me J, No need to freak she knows it was my choice.
You'll be fine."

"You sure?" I wasn't.

"Yeah...Relax ok?" her hand touched mine. It helped that she smiled. I
loved her smile, it was a comforting reminder of why i was there. To be
closer to her, and to my son.

I'd worry as soon as we pulled at her place. For now i like just sitting with her, in the backseat enjoying the scenery.

As we pulled into her neighbourhood i knew it wouldn't be long until i met her mom, i knew i should have been focused on it, but honestly i was more concerned with seeing my son.

"Ready?" She smiled at me.


"She’s nice i swear. Come on."

I watched her exit before i did, i then slowly made my way up her path into her house. I heard him before i saw him. He was crying.

"Awe baby...." she rushed to him. Her mom then appeared from the
corner of the room, one of his bottles in hand.

"Hes being fussy all day, i think he missed you honey." She then
glanced at me.

Oh, ooh.

"Isabel? Who is this?" She asked smiling.

"Ma, this is Justin...Justin this is my mom Patti."

"Nice to meet you Patti."

"Pleasure Justin, finally..." She directed towards her daughter as Izzy just rolled her eyes.

"So, can i get you anything Justin?"

"No...I’m fine right now thanks."

"Wanna...." Izzy motioned the baby who was now quiet to me.

"You sure?" I was nervous, really nervous i mean who wouldn’t be.

"Yeah...im sure go ahead,he wont bite."

Well i knew that, but what if i dropped him.

"Ok." Then i did it, the one thing i had wanted more than anything
since i had left here before, i held him.

As he was still only a few months old i needed to be extra careful with him, holding him properly and all.
I felt somewhat like a goldfish in a bowl, they were all watching me with him.

Smiling, which I guess was a good sign.

"Justin" Izzy spoke up, "You want to take him into the living room? Sit maybe?"

Thank God she was giving me an out.


Sitting with him in my lap, i couldnt believe how adorable he was,and how big he'd gotten in just a few weeks.His eyes, there was this purity that i knew only could exsist in a new borns eyes. So much innocence,funny who would have thought what Izzy and I did,could create something so amazing.
"So Isabel,would you like to explain what he's doing here."

"Mom,dont start ok? I know i should have said....But come on.He needs
to see his son."

"I understand that honey, but I thought you didnt want anything to do
with him,remember?"

"I know ok? but ive been thinking. He deserves a change right?."

"Sure ive always thought so, i mean i know you two had
a....Interesting relationship, and that well things were complicated. But
ive always thought that he did deserve a chance. But didn’t you tell me you wanted to make sure Ryan wasn’t effect by who his father was?"

I knew she'd bring that up, it was to be expected i had after all rated throughout my pregnancy that i could be his parent alone. And that i needed no one.
Truth was, I didn’t need someone i needed him. Because after all the hoopla of his birth, the cooing and ohh'ing.I was left, alone with this child. A child that needed his father. I guess i was just to damn proud to admit it.
"Yes, but having reconsidered things i think we should give this a try."

A smirk came from the corner, Anna.

"What? I asked,i didnt like her tone.

"Oh...Nothing.But when you say you 'reconsidered' is that just code for
i missed his booty and finally got some...." Laughing that bordered on a
cackle i swear i could have slapped her.

With both her and my mother laughing. I couldnt help but laugh too.

"Look you two stop ok..." I checked outside the door. "He could hear

"So?" Mom Pipped up. "Whats that got to do with it,whats up with this whole thing Izzy,should i be buying a hat any time soon?"
And so it begins....Metal woman.
"No...Ma,come on." I rolled my eyes in disapproval as i walked of of the room and to where my son was.

"Hey...Brought you some Sprite."

"Thanks..." He answered quietly, looking from me to Ryan. "So i hope
you moms not mad,me just showing up like this..."

"Why would she be mad? And even if she was...Big deal,this is my
house my rules remember...."

"True, But i still wouldnt wanna put any noses out of joint."

"You mean appart from Pharells?" I Joked.

"Hes gotten bigger."

"Who? Pharell?"

"No,you dumbass..." he laughed his trademark full laugh - quieter than ususal. "Ryan.Hes gotten so big."

"Yeah...Kid's like you,he can eat..." I stated honestly.

"Well thats good to hear."

After that we just sat, peacefully gazing at our now sleeping son. It was one of those truely perfect moments.


It was just after eleven when she got him settled,her mom and sister had left a few hours before.So now that just left myself and her. I was glad on one side. On the other i was completely terrified. I mean in a matter of days i had gone from being semi single dating a movie star,partying. To being part of a family.Being with the one woman i was sure never wated anything to do with me emotionally and to having a child.
It was a lot for anyone to take.
It was a lot for me to take.

I loved this little guy that i knew was a part of me,and as much fun as it was being in the moment with him - and her. The prospect of doing it for the rest of my life,well it was f***ing crazy.
Was i the kind of person that could do that FOREVER? Be the responsible one.The one they depended on?

I never had anyone depend on me for anything in my entire life.
I was,in my mind any way - still a kid.
Sure at 23 i wasnt exactly juvenile, but i wasn’t exactly ready to except the idea of being an adult either.
Now i was a father, that had to change right? I mean i wanted to be in his life, i loved her i really did. So then why with each second that i sat alone in her spacious living room did i feel like the walls were coming in around me???

"Well he’s all asleep now...Thankfully. He can get fussy sometimes."

She came bouncing down her staircase, in a pair of black tiny ass shorts and a tank. Her hair was again pulled back tiny bits of blonde hanging around her face.

"Good, He seemed pretty tired."

"Yeah...Sorry he kept crying with you, its just after 9 he gets fussy...."


At that she took her seat comfortably beside me on her couch. "So...Are you tired Justin?"

I was a little.


"Nope" She answered a little too excitedly.

Smiling at her i knew what she was thinking, it was simple really, the tone in her voice was all i needed to know that IT is what she wanted.
"You wanna go...." I pointed upstairs smirking at her, and the silly look she had plastered face.

"I...Don’t know" She acted coy "do you wanna "

"What do you think."

As i glanced at the ground, she must has seen it. The doubt that i was trying so hard to hide.

"Justin..Whats wrong?"

"Nothin' " I lied, "Why?"

"Because i know you, dumbass. What’s wrong."

"Notin ok..what makes you think theres something wrong?"

"Well how about when i came down here, you were as white as a ghost, you haven’t said much since dinner and now...well your less than joyous about the prospect of ME sex, you of all people....Now quit bein' a b**** and tell me what’s up." At that i had to laugh, she was right strangely enough, from the smallest detail she knew what i was thinking. Weird huh?
"Look its just...this whole thing, its a little overwhelming that’s all. Its
freaked me out a bit..."

"Well yeah..." She smiled. " I know that, hell id be worried if you weren't freaked out. Justin this is a lot to take in all in one day, believe me I’ve had months to get used to this and i still find my mind leaving me at the best of times..."


"Yes...." She reassured me confidently. "Baby, please. I want you to know that this isn’t permanent, not if you cant handle it. I don’t want you committing to something you don’t want."

"But i want to be with you. Properly, i want that more than anything." i admitted honestly.

"Are you sure, are you sure you dont just want to be with Ryan? Because if you do thats fine Justin really it is.Just tell me now before i get any more invested in us."

Invested? Wasnt it kinda to late to worry about that. She was the one who told me she was in love with me...
"Oh." I added trying to process her words. Suddenly her confidant stance was replaced with one more shy.

"Justin, seriously... I want to give this a try, i do.I mean ive never gotten so involved with anyone the way i have with you..."

" I know that.." I said softly.

"See, i know that too." She smiled. " I think so much of you. I mean you’re the father of my son. For that i know you'll always be apart of my life. But, " She paused " if you cant do this, with me i mean. I get it."
"Are you sayin' your expecting me to run?"

Again there was a silence. She looked away from me.

I knew i needed an answer, so my tone was more stern "Izzy is that
what you expect?"

"Maybe." she answered softly.

She was different, she wasn’t the same girl I knew back when we met.
She had changed – her personality her outlook on everything, all changed.

Because of me, because of Ryan.


Taking a deep breath she continued "Look J... I haven’t had the best of experiences with men, and when it came to taking responsibility they aren't exactly willing. So call me crazy, but I expect it yeah. I don’t want to think this, but i can’t help it. Maybe I’m rushing it here."

The look on his face was a Yeah-Izzy-you-are.

"Isabel, look I'm just trying to get used to this...It’s a lot to take."

â€￾I know that ok? Believe me I of all people know that!â€￾ I moved closer to him on the sofa. “Look Justin I just need to know what your thinking ok? I mean I know that this whole “familyâ€￾ thing is a little overwhelming, and I understand where your apprehensions come from…Just know that its all ok if you have them,just let me know…â€￾

She was right, in her own round about way I understood what she was saying. We needed to be honest – right from the off set, otherwise it would never work. So I slowly worked up the nerve to tell her as she sat quietly on the sofa beside me….Just waiting for what I knew she knew was coming.
"I guess im a little scared that’s all…I want this, Izzy I do…More than anything I want us to be together.â€￾

"We are…â€￾ She smiled knowingly kissing me gently on the forehead. “you take all the time you need…We aren’t going anywhere any time soon ok?â€￾

"Thanks I guess do, but nothing will change my mind about this…


Yeah I wish that was the truth….I really do.
I woke up the next morning to the screams of the baby, not unusual. What was unusual was amount of noise coming from outside.

I just happened to glace out of my bedroom window to see, hoards of paparazzi with cameras standing outside on my lawn….

â€￾Justin…JUSTIN…â€￾ I woke him with is what I am guessing was a hell of a lot of panic in my voice.

“What is it honey?â€￾ He squinted opening his eyes to me for the first time.

“Look!â€￾ I announced.

He noted the shock in my voice, as well as the fear in my eyes…he basically hopped out of his bed and joined me at the window.
I watched as he looked on in shock. He had no idea what was going on.

“Justin what…How could they have found out?? I mean you didn’t tell any one that you didn’t know did you??â€￾

“No…I Just…â€￾ He ran to his cell phone, noted that he 14 missed calls…

From his mom.

“Get Ryan, Ill call my mom and see if she knows what the hell is going
I went to the adjoining room where I found my sweetness in a fit. I did my best to calm him, and myself as I changed him.

â€￾Mom you where calling, do you know what the hell – “

â€￾Justin, thank God. Ive was trying to reach you all night. The press, they’ve found out about Ryan sweetie.â€￾
I couldn’t believe it, how was it possible.

â€￾Mom... How…I mean I….â€￾

â€￾Honey you might want to sit down…â€￾


â€￾Switch on channel 9 ok?â€￾ I heard her concerned voice pour over the phone as I reached for Isabel’s remote and clicked it on. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Pictures of us…Me. Her…and steaming news…all our business being announced across the world.


â€￾My only guess would be…â€￾

â€￾Cameron “we both ended up saying in unison.

As I filled Izzy in, on what was going on. She was just as shell shocked as I was. There were reporters all over her front lawn…There was no way of getting out without them seeing us, him.

“I can’t f***ing believe this Izzy… I mean I knew the woman had a few screws loose. But sh**... This is way over board.â€￾

“Are you sure it was her? I mean is there any way someone else…â€￾

“I honestly don’t know.â€￾ I was stressed, she was stressed. And both of us didn’t know what the f*** to do. I tried to reassure her I did, I mean after all this was my entire fault. She was right when she said it. I did pick the most psychotic of women.

“Look, we will sort this ok J? We will…â€￾

I didn’t know how she could possibly think that, I mean this was the one thing she didn’t want. It was happening – shouldn’t she have been a little more upset?

“Aren’t you angry at me? I mean if I where you I know id be mad…Izzy this is what you warned me about isn’t it, I mean id be spitting blood right now…â€￾

she smiled at me then, I don’t know how she did it but with just that one glance she made me feel so much more at ease. “I am mad, not at you. So what would be the point in taking my anger out on someone when it isn’t their fault…I told you id deal with this if it happened, I just really didn’t want to…â€￾

“So…What should I do here??â€￾ I asked now in complete desperation more than anything else.

“Wellâ€￾ She sighed, “It all depends…What is it that you want to do?â€￾
See that was the problem I really, really didn’t know what to do. This was all such new territory for me…

I knew this was a lot for him to have to deal with. I mean practically over night be became a father then a boyfriend. But It was all of his own choice. I gave him the option and he took this one. He choose me, he choose to be a part of Ryan’s life. I was more than anything hoping that he had thought it through. Because now especially things where about to get nasty. Our dirty little secret, our past – all of it was about to become public domain and there wasn’t a damn thing either of us could do to stop it….

I had a feeling that this, the first of many tests in our new ‘relationship’ would be one that would force us both to look at what we both tried to avoid for so long. Whether or not we were strong enough to survive it, to survive our own idea of hell.

We’d soon see.
He promised me he’d deal with it, and giving him credit where its due he did. He Justin “golden boyâ€￾ Timberlake announced to the world that afternoon that the rumours were true and that he indeed had a three month old son named Ryan with a woman that he is in a serious relationship with, he did it in such a manner that it publicized some but not all of what they wanted to know – thank God!. He requested privacy, of course that only made it ten times worse. The media seemed to triple after he made the statement.

Leaving me feeling more hopeless than I think I ever did before.

“Look Izz, we are gonna have to leave here…At least for a little while.â€￾

He announced coming out of his thirty minute phone call with his manager.

“What? No Justin I can’t leave here, what are you talking about? This
is my home!!â€￾

“ I know that baby, I know but come on look outside? There is no way

we can stay here like this, and I think it would be safer for all of us if
we just left, maybe go somewhere quieter?â€￾

“ Wait, Justin how did they find out where I lived? I mean I specifically never told anyone but Richard and then well…you? I don’t get it.â€￾

“Neither do i…I mean I didn’t mention it to Cameron I didn’t…â€￾ He rubbed his now sore head from all the worrying, trying to at least ease some of the tension.

“Im gonna call her, now…I need to know why she did this.â€￾

“She did this J, because she’s mad she’s pissed at us both and she’s a crazy ho! I told you that.â€￾ She laughed slightly and I knew she was trying her best to get me to lighten up, and it was working – a little.

“I know, but I need to hear it from her own, exceptionally wide mouth.â€￾

He picked up the receiver and dialled what I was guessing was her number, I didn’t know if I should have stayed around to listen, I mean it was hard not to, at the same time I didn’t want to seem overly nosey.

He didn’t move away from me he didn’t move out of the room, he simply nodded to me to sit and listen. I did. I was after all very curious to find out what the b**** had to say for herself!

“Cameron? What the f*** do you think your doing…I cant believe you’d do something like that…â€￾

“Like what? Im not the one who cheated Justin you and little miss rolling stone are the ones who deserve to be outed for the sickening mind-f***ers that you are…Yeah I told one person, and I knew it wouldn’t take long. I had a right to do with what I pleased with that information dude…You f***ed me up and threw me out, why in the hell should I have spared you any of the pain..â€￾

“This isn’t about me you stupid b****, this is about my son, you know the little kid that you knew I didn’t want brought into all of this…he’s innocent…â€￾

At that both he and I heard her cackle over the phone line.

“Innocent? Huh are you sure he’s even yours??â€￾ I saw the look on his face, I knew it wasn’t something he had considered before, now? I wasn’t so sure.

“Cameron, why?â€￾

“I told you id make you pay… You made a complete fool out of me you bastard; you think that’s just something Id forget??? I mean you lied to me, you lied to your family and you lied to your fans – Like you really give a sh** about them as long as your ass is happy right?â€￾ she cackled again “ I think its about time everyone saw you for the hoax you are…â€￾ And with that little speech she hung up the phone.

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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Mon Jul 25, 2005 10:57 am

<_< <_< <_< <_< Cameron had to go and ruin everything with her big mouth. <_< I thought that Justin and Izzy were going to be able to adjust to this new life in peace and with privacy, but NOOOOOOOO, thanks to Cam!

At least Justin came out with the truth to everyone, but that only added fuel to the fire. I hope they can get away and have some private time to start over and develop the relationship properly. :nod:

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Postby laura » Thu Aug 04, 2005 8:37 am

HOWD'Y....well this is a chapter that i am sooo unsure of. but it is what it is and i think its best i keep it with what came to me in the first place. At this point im stil not 100% sure how or where im gonna go with this. SO? Any suggestions, and i mean any. Are welcome! NJOY! :lol:

I couldn’t quiet get my head around what had happened, I mean we were just trying to get our heads around being a “coupleâ€￾ it had only been a few days? We were nowhere near ready for anything like this…nowhere.

“ I knew this would happen, I mean I knew!â€￾

Ok so now Isabel was in her freaking out stage, I cant say I blame her I after all did the same thing after that doomed call to Cameron. She refused to leave with me, she refused to allow my security to come in and handle things. So there we where, stuck in her house.
“Isabel seriously…â€￾â€￾

“No, I am not about to be driven out of my home by some a**hole paparazzi…I will not!â€￾ I knew she was strong willed but no sh**…

“Girl...â€￾ I tried to bring her ‘round with at the very least my charms. “Please?
Look at the very least a hotel – that way we could get some peace your
neighbours will start complaining if we don’t move them soon?â€￾ I reasoned. “Please? Just until it calms down.â€￾ I watched her move to the window.

“Will it ever though Justin?â€￾

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>If I changed my mind,
if I changed my faith,
every time a stop light signaled
each time I made mistakes
I don't think that I
would be where I am today

“Ever what?â€￾

“Calm down? Is this what your life is like all the time? I mean do they just lie
in waiting?â€￾

“Pretty much…â€￾ I answered candidly. “But there are a few places I can go where it is pretty much normality at its best….â€￾ I began as if a light bulb went off in my head.

“Anywhere but a hotel…â€￾ She suggested.

“ I know just the place.â€￾

*** - 19 -
After what seemed ages of singing the praises of Memphis, he finally convinced me to go. I had to admit I needed some quiet, and I was sure the neighbours wouldn’t mind if I went for a little while. After the entire street was now well aware of who I was and who the father of my baby was, hell the world was more than aware.

I needed a break from the constant knocking on the door the yelling and the questions. So I decided to stop pu*** footing around the subject.


“As soon as, if you really want…â€￾ He smiled.

“I wantâ€￾ I reassured him. “I do, but do you? I mean I know I met your mom and Paul but this would be your entire family all of them, and that grandma it heard so much about…I mean what do they think of me.
“Isabel Andrews are you scared?â€￾ he mocked, cradling me in his embrace, all the while trying not to laugh.

“No…â€￾ I lied “I just, well I need to know are they gonna give me the third degree?â€￾

“No, baby they won’t. Ive already talked to all of them and they know im happy – finally, and that you make me happy, and that Ryan is someone they all desperately want to meet. So? I say here’s the pool wanna jump?"

I wanted too, for the first time in a long time I felt save enough to jump…all the while hoping that he’d be there to catch me.
I truly hoped so.

So there we where, packing for Memphis. It was a place that I had always wanted to visit. It seemed nice, serene and beautiful. Something that he knew I needed. Something I knew we needed if we were going to survive what was happening outside.
When he was out of the room I would always seek a glace at the entertainment shows, which now were all aware of what was happening.

They didn’t know much about me at this stage, but I knew it wouldn’t take long. I had warned my mom and sister. That’s all that mattered. Of course they were apprehensive. But as always I knew id be ok. At least I thought I would be.

“Ok, Tiny said he could be here in a little bit, he was napping at the hotel…â€￾
He mentioned his security guard who had arrived in Boston the day after
Justin’s rush disappearance from LA had caused panic.

“Oh…ok? Is Ryan ok?â€￾ I asked absently. Before I looked up and saw him nestled in his big arms. Still so tiny. His little miniature hands and even smaller fingers just wrapped around his daddy’s hands. Sleeping content, not knowing what his presence was causing.

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>I live my life without regrets
what you see is
what you see is
what you see is what you get

“I see,â€￾ I smiled I think for the first time that day. “He suits you, you know that?â€￾
at that he winked at me, teasingly “ girl , I know that- you know what they say – apples and trees and you and I are stunning. So of course he suits me…â€￾ I knew his playfulness was to take some of the enormous pressure off me; sadly it wasn’t working this time.

“Are we going to get through this? I’ve heard what they are saying…â€￾


“I switched on the TV…â€￾ I admitted guiltily knowing he didn’t want me seeing any of the so called ‘bullsh**’ they were spreading about us. Except it wasn’t bullsh**, it was – the majority anyway the truth.

“Izzy, come on I told you not to do that, you know how they operate. Its all bull –“

“NO IT ISN’T! You and I were not in a relationship, no matter what way you look at it we f***ed up. We used each other for the longest time – way before I fell in love with you, I just wanted you for - “

“I know ok? I know….but now we do so what does it matter? They do not need to know what we were what we did before. It’s all in the past right?â€￾

“Of course…but they will find out and what then?â€￾

“We deal…now…we need to cheer you up...â€￾ I was defiant “Im fineâ€￾ I crossed my arms in protest as he kissed me lightly on the lips “Really?â€￾

“Yup...â€￾ I fought my smile that was rapidly forming on my face.

“Really,â€￾ He planted another kiss on my lips this time making it last longer and deeper.


“Yes…â€￾ and then escaped my smile.

“HA! My work is done.â€￾ He smiled again, matching my now wide grin.

At that, the door knocked as his cell went off, it was tiny announcing his

“You ready for this?â€￾ I knew he was referring to the exiting of the house and
into the cesspit, which was the questioning press outside my door.

“Ready as ill ever be…let’s go!â€￾


Getting from the house, namely the driveway to the street was difficult – well when you are trying your best no to knock down dozens of reporters it wasn’t exactly the speediest of exits.

We made it to the airstrip the jet that I had organised was there, ready and waiting. Thank god.

I knew we’d be followed but as much as it bothered me Isabel seemed to be doing her best with the situation and managing to keep calm.

“You okay babe?â€￾ I asked as I carefully secured the belt around the baby carrier.

“Fine...â€￾ was her absent-minded answer. All the while, she glanced out the
window at the now gathered photographers all fighting for the first picture
to flog to the highest bidder.

“Isabel? Look at me?â€￾ she did.

“I promise you it will blow over, in time it will calm down. It will.â€￾

“I know, it’s just…Justin I know how these guys work ok? I was one of
themâ€￾ she referred to the journalists “I know what they do to get what they
want, and this is one of if not the biggest stories of the year… I mean look at
it from their point of view. Its like Christmas. Pops golden boy has affair, the
affair makes a child…seriously, and I don’t see this dying down soon. Do you?â€￾

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>And I'm
Unashamed of the life I lead
unashamed of the strength on my knees
of choices I've made,
of the love that I've saved
of the things I've done

She was right, I knew she was. I had tried to overlook it – all of the signs. I knew it was big. But the little piece of me that the media hadn’t killed really wanted them to just let this go.

“Look I love you.â€￾ It still felt so good saying that to her “and I know that we can do this. I mean lookâ€￾ I glanced at Ryan, his small contented sleeping figure being the most calming sight in the world “look at what we did, and it was easy? If we can make something that incredible there isn’t anything we can’t do now is there?â€￾ I pepped. Finally getting her smile and lighten up a little.

“Okay, you’ve won me over. Tell me something MR Timberlake is this charm of yours something you were born with or did it develop as you got older and yet more cockier?

“Woman, you know…â€￾ he paused for dramatic effect “it was something I was born with, it jut improved with time…â€￾
“God help us thenâ€￾ she laughed tucking in our son. “If he’s anything like you

I think we may need to consider the priesthood for this one…â€￾ she laughed again. I was so glad she was coming around. At this point I knew the way the press had reacted she'd need her sense of humour His town was, small. Well that was my first reaction. We were met at the small airport by his cousin Nick, who I had to admit was a blast in a senseless sort of way. “So J? You know I understand why you didn’t tell everyone… I mean it’s clear.â€￾

“It is?â€￾

“Well yeahâ€￾ he smiled “she’s way to hot to want anything to do with you…
and hey..â€￾ He motioned to me in the backseat. “Once you meet the rest of
us you will definitely want to dump his candy ass…â€￾ I knew he was teasing
and in all honesty, it helped. I needed someone funny to at the very least just take my mind off all the changes.

I was meeting his entire family. And from what I had read up on him I knew they meant the world to him. What if they didn’t like me, like Lynn is still wasn’t sure were we stood. Did she like me, didn’t she…it was all so difficult to call. We pulled into the main town of Millington and the smaller section of where his house was located. Well I should say his estate. It was like an entire block, his moms place, his gran’s and his real dad who lived I was told only a few minutes down the road. It seemed like a sweet place, quiet and private. Major plus.

“Justin who’s going to be here? I asked as the car came to a stop. He smiled at me, comfortingly “just my mom and Paul right now… after we get settled. Well for dinner later is when most of them show up. No one misses my moms cooking, you’ll love it!â€￾ Ok he was way to excited about all this. I was ready to throw up with nerves.

I watched as the giant doors of his house opened and that now familiar face and array of curly blonde hair came striding out with a smile that mirrored the one her son wore.
“Baby…so glad your all ok. Ive seen the news. They are really over doing this aren’t they…â€￾

“Yeah, but well be fine…â€￾

“Well.. isn’t Izzy gonna come in.â€￾ she motioned to the car…that my scared
ass still sat in with the baby.

“she’s with Ryanâ€￾ he smiled.

“Where is my grandson…â€￾ she exclaimed as she came over to the
door. “Isabel…is this him?â€￾ she smiled at me and then at him as he laid
looking around him.

“Yes, Lynn this is Ryan…you can take him in if you want. I just need to grab
the bags.â€￾ I liked seeing her with him. It was obvious she was a natural,
and I? Well I was avoiding the whole situation. As I lagged behind searching
through the trunk of the car for something I knew didn’t exist I was basically
trying to calm myself. And to fight off the tears that had been threatening all day.

“I can do this… I can...â€￾

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>my belief in the One
Unashamed of the words of my friends,
i know who they are
make mistakes, make amends
follow my instincts, my star
on my sleeve i wear my heart

“Do what?â€￾ came the voice behind me. I knew who it was.

“Justin, this…this whole thing its – “

“Hard?â€￾ he finished for me as he enveloped me in his embrace. “Izzy I know what your feeling, cause Im feeling it too believe me. But were ok here.
Noone will be bothering us, at least not for a while. And if they do, we can deal.
But for now? I need you to come inside…his grandma is kidnapping our son.
And if we don’t move quickly, she might never give him back?â€￾

Things progressed quickly after we went inside, practically the entire family showed up for this dinner that Lynn had arranged. And I had to admit, as nervous as I was. My nerves dissipated a little once I met his grandparents, who couldn’t have been sweeter if they tried. And astonishingly Justin mom was very welcoming. More so than on my last visit with her anyway.

Sitting at the large dinner table, I just took in my surroundings. His “homeâ€￾ as he called it, was a lot more comfortable than the one in LA. This was less superstar and more homeboy. There were pictures of the family all over the place. Almost on every surface in the family room, all covered in pictures of little Justin with his cousins, Trace…his mom. It was a sweet sight, and a side of him I realised I never knew.

With his family he was so different, his entire persona changed. His accent for example became a lot thicker when he was surrounded by his parents and grandparents all of them had the thick Memphis twang to their voice. I liked it. I even got to thinking about what Ryan would sound like with an accent like his dad’s. “You ok?â€￾ he asked when he noticed me not saying much as I sat next to him.

“Yeah, just liking this side of you…â€￾ I smiled nudging him.


“Yeah…I like homeboy Justin he’s a lot more chilled than I expected…you’re
in your element here huh?â€￾

“I do love it here. You like it?â€￾ he smiled shyly.

“Well ive only seen your house, but yeah I love it. Your family are so…
wonderful. There’s so many of them,â€￾ I whispered into him as he laughed.

“Yup, we multiply I swear. There’s more too you know. My dad and step
mom and my two little brothers. We’ll meet them tomorrow if you want.â€￾

I wanted.

“Id like that…â€￾

“cool. Ill just go check on the baby…â€￾

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>Adding up my life, it totals all my dreams
I'm counting all my blessings
and the gifts I have received
Still there's always someone
something to overcome

wait he was leaving me alone, oh ooh.

“So Isabel honey…how long are you and my grandson planning on staying?â€￾
Justin’s grandma spoke up.

“Oh, im not really sure, it depends really.â€￾ I managed. As she smiled at me.

“Um, if you’ll excuse me ill just go see if he needs anything.â€￾ I made my
excuse and got up, heading up one of the two staircases in the house. This
one was off the hall and entrance to the dining room, the other was at the
back of the house. I walked to where I heard him talking, at first I though he
was talking to himself then I realised his mom was in the room with him. I
didn’t want to interrupt so I waited.

“Mom I don’t think…I mean I know he’s mine I know it.â€￾

“So then why ask me.â€￾

“I don’t know, I never thought it before. But damn it Cameron put the
thought in my head now, and I really cant help but wonder…what if he isn’t
mine.â€￾ My heart sank when he said it, it really did drop. I cannot believe he
thought that way.

“Justin, I may have misjudged her, I mean you see her down there.
Everyone loves her, she’s very nice. She is funny and smart- not exactly
something, that could be said for the other one. I don’t think shed lie to you
about this.â€￾

“I know..â€￾ I heard him stress. “I know, but she did lie mom, she lied about the abortion. I mean I still can’t forget that if I hadn’t of went looking for her
I wouldn’t have known about him…â€￾ well he did have a point there.

“Well if you’re not positive, maybe you should take a DNA test if nothing else
it’ll put your mind at ease right?â€￾

I heard him sigh through the door.

“No, I can’t do that mom. I cant I mean I love her. I know she loves me now.
If I did this it would destroy her…and us. I don’t want that.â€￾

“True son, but do you really want this child growing up with us if he isn’t
yours? Really?â€￾

At that, I knew it was safe to walk in, after all if they had anything else to
say about me, it could wait.

I was always one who had difficulty in hiding my emotions and this case was
no different. I mean I knew I had to, I didn’t want to case a scene with all
his family downstairs an all but it was so hard. All I wanted to do was smack
him for even thinking that id lie about Ryan like that.

“Is everything ok?â€￾

“Hey…yeah he’s fine just needed changing…and it wasn’t the most
enjoyable experience just now…but we’re fine.â€￾ As Lynn made her excuses
to go back down stairs I was left alone with him.


I knew there was something wrong when she opened the door I mean I
saw it in her face. She was upset about something, at first I thought it was
just one of my goofball cousins messing with her, but she insisted that
nothing was wrong. So I let it slide.

But she was still cold with me. And I had to wonder did she overhear me

Oh, god I hoped not.

“baby are you sure there's nothing’ wrong I mean if someone said
something then I want to know?â€￾ I insisted, seeing her fuss over Ryan as if I
was not doing it right.

“Lookâ€￾ she snapped, “IM FINE…let it go ok. It’s been a rough day and Im tired so I think it would be best if I went on to bed?â€￾

That was odd. She was generally a night owl.

“Ok? If you want…ill tell -â€￾

“No, listen you should spend some time with your family, I mean they hardly
get to see you. Ill be fine, I just need some sleep ok?â€￾

Was she kicking me out?

“Okay?â€￾ I motioned to kiss her but she moved and I caught her cheek –
classic there was definitely something wrong.

After that, I had to admit I had a hard time concentrating on anything else. I
knew id upset her, I just did not know what id done. And I definitely didn’t
know how to fix it.

Getting into bed later that night, I knew she wasn’t asleep, but she decided
to pretend anyway.

“Izzy? Izzy?â€￾ I whispered loudly. “I know your awake…look what did I do?
Just tell me ok?â€￾ I truthfully didn’t know what to do. She was ignoring me,
unsurprisingly and it frustrated me since I still hadn’t a f***ing clue why?

“Ok I was asleep, what do you want?â€￾ She still didn’t turn around.

“To talk to you…â€￾


“So talk….â€￾

“Well could you at least face me?â€￾ I heard the upset in his voice. And I knew
I had too.

“What?â€￾ I asked finally turning to him.

“Whats wrong? Do you regret coming here?â€￾ God he really didn’t have a clue
that I knew did he.

“No, I don’t it’s just been a weird day, like you said…it’s a lot to take all at


“Yeah but that’s not all it is, is it? Izz come on…level with me?â€￾ I looked into those eyes, those sweet bright blue eyes that I saw each time I saw my son and I really didn’t understand how he could doubt it. How could he even contemplate that Ryan belonged to someone else?

“I know ok?â€￾

“Know what?â€￾ he asked still very much unaware at what was going on…

“I know that you doubting that Ryan is yours ok?â€￾ I answered candidly. And
as I said it I saw the look in his eyes, the one I knew better than most. The look of shame.

“How? How could you even imagine that Justin?â€￾

“I don’t know ok. I mean I know that he's mine I do, but she put the idea of
it in there and it’s been buggining me since. And I hate that I think it, I do –
but I can’t help it. Im sorry.â€￾

“I just thought that after everything Justin, that maybe you knew me? That
maybe you trusted me as I did you. But I guess I was very wrong. If you
even had to question Ryan’s paternity for one second then you don’t know
me at all. It makes me wonder what the hell im doing here after all…â€￾

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>Took all my life to understand
that I am what I am, who I am


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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Fri Aug 05, 2005 8:51 am

:unsure: LAURA! Don't go breaking up my people ... AGAIN! :blink: :( AHHH! That's such a bad thought for Justin to have running around in his mind, but it does make sense with all that they'be been through. I'm choosing to believe that Izzy isn't lying to him and that Ryan is his baby. :pray: :pray: That would be so sad if he wasn't. :(

I hope Memphis provides them with the necessary peace that they're seeking, although it looks like they're off to a bit of a rough start with this paternity issue hanging over them.

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Postby laura » Fri Aug 05, 2005 8:55 am

:thinking: im in the middle of that part right now. and im in two minds about where to go.... its sooooooo hard!!!!! :blink:

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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Fri Aug 05, 2005 12:42 pm

EEK! :ph34r: I'm afraid of where you might go. :lol:

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Postby betty boop » Fri Aug 05, 2005 2:41 pm

I've got a lot of reading to do! I don't think I'll get caught up right now, but I will....Soon hopefully...

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Postby laura » Mon Aug 08, 2005 9:39 am

;) ok. but ill wait and post when your all caught up. just let me know! :D

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Postby betty boop » Thu Aug 11, 2005 4:44 pm

I'd hate for you to wait for me....I don't know when I'll be able to read it. It's a good story and I'll read it whenever I get the chance, even if you finish first.

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Postby laura » Fri Aug 12, 2005 8:45 am

you sure??? :( oook! thanks again! ;)

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Postby laura » Wed Aug 17, 2005 10:12 am

wow, its been awhile on all counts huh, well i ended this myself just last week. But i have so many more chapters to go before this one is done. So ENNNNjoy!

<span style='color:hotpink'>Ok so I had been an ass, I really had. I knew that kid was mine. There was no denying it, he was a tiny double, and match up baby pics (which yes my mom was doing the entire next day, seeing who was more adorable?) and it was uncanny.

I knew my behavior was unjustified I knew that I deserved her silent treatment. That didn’t make enduring it any easier though. She did everything in her power to avoid spending time with me, she visited my grandparents with my mom, she went shopping with my mom, and she even took Ryan for a walk with my cousin Rachael, everything but talk to me.

See here’s the thing ok, not only am I a man – we are very simple creatures (no literally) but I am me, an I am dense. I fully admit it, she was always so much smarter than I was, am… but I knew that we couldn’t hide out here for long. Eventually the press would come looking, and what they would find. Would be two miserable people with a child and nowhere safe to go.

“Can I come in?â€￾ I asked softly as I saw her sitting rocking the baby to sleep in my mom’s comfy chair in the family room.

She didn’t look up, she just nodded.

“Look im sorry ok? I had no right to say what I said and know that it must have hurt you; I didn’t mean to do that Izzy.â€￾

I hoped she saw the sincerity in my apology because it was there, in abundance.

“Justinâ€￾ she said softly “It didn’t hurt me that you said it, because in case you hadn’t noticed you say some really stupid things.â€￾ She sighed, finally facing me. “It hurt that you considered it, that you honest to goodness thought that after all we have been through, that id lie to you now? That’s what hurt.â€￾
“I am so sorry.â€￾ I winced
“I know that too.â€￾ She smiled finally. “Look I like it here Justin, I do. But we can’t stay. I heard some of the women in town chatting and they said that they knew of a few news vans hanging around.â€￾

“Seriously?â€￾ his heart jumped with a mixture of apprehension and fear.

“Yes, so I want to leave.â€￾

“You do?â€￾

“Yeah, look we can’t ask your family to house us like this….not when it’s their lives that are being disrupted too, I think we need to do something.â€￾
Ok, “Like what?â€￾

“Like, I don’t know. But we can’t let them keep chasing us like this…it’s not fair to any of us, and its no way to live.â€￾
She was right it was no way to live, never mind raise an infant.

“So what do you wanna do?â€￾


“I think that we need to take a stand. It’s not fair that they can just infringe on us like this, whenever they feel like it in order to get their story! I think that if we move now we can get a restraining order out on them, and maybe I can go home!â€￾

Home? Ok this was new, I mean I knew id pissed her off – but damn.

“You mean to Boston?â€￾

“Yes…I need to get back. I mean I have work in a couple of days and I really need to get back to things there, you know…My life.â€￾ As I continued to knell in front of her and my son, whose sweet blue eyes kept drifting closed I couldn’t stop the ache that began in my heart.

I had this overwhelming feeling that they – she wanted to leave. Not just Memphis, but me!

“I see, well if that’s what you think’s best then who am I to argue right?â€￾
I knew she’d hear the defeat in my voice, and honestly, I was glad.

“J come on it’s not like that…â€￾

“So whats it like then Isabel? Why, whats in Boston that’s not here, that’s not in LA?â€￾ I’d held it in for so long I didn’t realise id blurted it out until it was too late.

“My life, that’s whats there Justin. My home and Ryan’s home. Look I knew this would happen!â€￾ she sighed heavily as she moved to place the now sleeping baby in his crib.

“Knew what?â€￾ I defended.

“You…Always have to have your way, and I knew you’d bring up the location thing sooner or later and it’s not fair!â€￾

â€￾Because I don’t want to have to travel the length of the country to just see my son…is that whats not fair?â€￾

“No, it’s just that when this all broke you wanted to leave, even though I didn’t want to! Justin this is your home ok, not mine….I don’t belong here!â€￾

“Yes you do!â€￾ I argued- albeit quietly.


“You do belong Izzy, you both do. Because you belong with me…â€￾

Her stunned silence wasn’t missed. I knew id thrown her for a loop when id said it. Nevertheless, it was the truth so where was the harm right?

“I…don’t know. I mean…what?â€￾

“Izz, I know your scared ok? I am too, believe me but I love you…â€￾ I smiled walking to her eloping her in my arms. “And I think you love me too…â€￾ she smiled I saw it and it in turn made me smile.

“I do…love you that is…but Justin what if...â€￾

â€￾No what if’s ok?â€￾ I stopped her with a kiss. Slowly cupping her face with both my hands, I made sure I had left my mark on her before I pulled away.

He just didn’t get it; he wasn’t seeing the full picture. Sometimes love just isn’t enough. And even though it had been there for a while the admission of our love was new, and was I wrong to think that it was like our baby, fragile and in need of nurturing?

I tried to see his side, to be the ever optimist. Again, that just wasn’t in my DNA. I was forever seeing the bad side of things, the bad side of people. His outlook made me want to change, but the fear was the one thing that always held me back. It just couldn’t be helped!

“Look, ill stay a few more days but after that Justin I need you to level with me ok? I need to go home, for my sanity if nothing else ok?â€￾

â€￾ ok…let me take care of a few things and then if you want, ill come with you ok?â€￾ He grinned at me goofily, making me wonder how he could fix things. I sure as hell had no idea.

So we agreed to give LA a try, I continued to sing the praises of just how secure we'd all be there. And at the very least it would give her time until she could get her head around what was happening? This I understood. I knew it would take more than just a few days to let this thing set in. her entire life was changing and it was all my fault. I was making her life hell and it was all because I was my usual selfish self, considering all I was putting, her through I felt like complete sh**.

Having settled on one more night in Memphis. That day was one the days when I saw her soul for what it was. Underneath all her attitude and bravado, she was as helpless as everyone else was – especially when it came to the people, she loved.

“Hey you twoâ€￾ my mom called us from her position in the living room, she had been feeding Ryan as Izz and I talked in the kitchen.

“Yeah?â€￾ I asked as we both hurried in, thinking the same thing – the baby.

“Well I was thinking, since yall are leaving tomorrow. Justin I think you should take Isabel out somewhere. Y’all’ have been cooped up here the last few days. Justin take her; show her the sights a little…â€￾

Ok was she kicking us out?

“Uh, Lynn the press.â€￾ Izzy declared.

“Screw em’ Look Ryan’s safe. Go out enjoy yourself…Please?â€￾ she smiled that smile she had that I knew was as comforting to Izzy as it was to me now.

“Well if you’re sure? About the baby I meanâ€￾ I started before she shh’ed me with her hand. “Take her out.â€￾

I looked down at Izzy who was enjoying my mother ordering me around to no end. “What?â€￾ I asked in an exceptionally high voice.
“Nothin’â€￾ she giggled. “So where are you taking me?â€￾

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>
You give your hand to me
And then you say hello
I can hardly speak
My heart is beating so

As we cruised into the town out of the suburbs, I saw a whole knew side to this, what I thought – small town. The centre was buzzing with tourists, and residents alike. I had forgotten that in normal land Saturday night was ‘date night’ for most people.

“So this is the famous Beal Street huh?â€￾ I asked as he parked the car and let me across a medium sized area that held various pubs and eateries.

“Yup, this is it.â€￾ He smiled grabbing my hand and pulling down his cap with the other. “I figured we’d hit BB kings, I love it there. It’s so laid-back.â€￾
“And you own some of it, right?â€￾ I smiled at him with the shock that I knew was coming. “Yeah boy Ive done my homework on you. Your quiet the businessman.â€￾

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>
And anyone can tell
You think you know me well
But you don't know me</span>

“Well yes Ms Andrews, your man here isn’t as dumb as he looks!â€￾
Was it wrong that I loved when he made fun of himself…?

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>Oh you don't know the one
That thinks of you at night

As we reached the establishment, took our seats and ordered our food. Music was just starting up. The beauty of living here I thought must have been the array of local talent. This music was “down home Memphisâ€￾ style. Live bands just doing their thing and making people dance, the old-fashioned way. It was a sweet change from what I was used to - But i loved it.

As we waited for our food, that I was sure was so fried and fatting id be working it off for a month he asked me to dance. Now since this wasn’t the usual thing for either of us. Country rock didn’t exactly inspire me to get my dance on, if you catch my drift.

“Are you sure?â€￾ I asked with what im sure was enough scepticism in my voice to put anyone off.

He simply looked at me with that raised eyebrow and took my hand. This would be interesting

As I lead her on to the small and by now crowded dance floor the deep red dress she was wearing seemed to float. I think it was safe to say she looked truly beautiful. The blonde streaks in her hair now seemed to sparkle more than I noticed before. As I took her in my arms and we simply moved to the music, I felt her previously tense body relax against mine.

“I am sorry about the way this whole thing with us went down Isabel,â€￾ I whispered to her, as I felt her nod against my chest. "I mean I never wanted it to be this way, when I think of you and Ryan - all I want is for you both to be happy."
"I know that Justin, I do. And believe me it’s not your fault. Its not, it’s that Ho you used to date. I mean there has to be someone somewhere willing to test her head for her obviously missing brain.â€￾

I saw her look up at me, smiling that full smile that I knew was genuine. I saw it in her eyes.

“Look, I know that your life is crazy – I used to write about it remember? So stop worrying about me, I’ll be fine.â€￾

“You sure?â€￾ I whispered again. As the tempo of the song changed. “Ive got you, you know that right? No matter what ive got you.â€￾ I tried to reassure her again, even though it was clear she didn’t need it.

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>
Who longs to kiss your lips
And yearns to squeeze you tight
No I'm just a friend
That's all I've ever been

As I did she rubbed my back slowly as I turned direction on the dance floor to the slow and enticing song.

“Baby, I know you’ve got me, but who’s got you?â€￾
“Justin, I know you’re here for me and I think it’s wonderful of you, being so supportive. But you have to know something. As much as you’re here to comfort me, and reassure me. Im here for you just as much.

I know this isn’t your fault and I also know this is the last thing you'd want for either me or Ry’ “ I watched her visibly sigh before she looked at me again. Her eyes still full of that love that I saw in them.

“I realise that this isn’t easy for you either. And I need you to know, as much as I can b**** and moan to you your equally entitled to do the same. It’s 50/50 on everything baby.â€￾ She winked playfully as the song came to an end and the crowd clapped in appreciation.

When we returned to our seats the food was just about being served, thank god. With all the worrying my usual hearty appetite dwindled. I was ready for my steak.

You just don't know me

After our night out I was felling somewhat more relaxed about the situation. I mean I knew things where gonna be hard. But I realized for the first time that night that I wasn’t alone. He was with me, and I with him.

See the thing about me was, the independent thing – well it sometimes got a little over board. I usually insisted on doing things my way, alone. But now I always had my baby to think of, I needed to take his daddy’s opinion into the equation.

Being in Memphis, and seeing what a support system he had behind him. Seeing the values and the people he came from. It gave me a greater understanding as to why he was the way he was. Why he was so passionate about music. A passion we shared, why he was so kind, and considerate of people - especially the women in his life. It all made sense.


I knew we couldn’t stay more than a few days since the reporters caught on and were beginning to arrive. The news spreading like wildfire. And as much as I felt safe there. I didn’t want to impose our issues on his family.

It just wasn’t fair.

So again after much persuasion we headed for LA. I missed LA, if I was being honest. Id lived there for almost six years. And the sudden move that I made shocked my system as much as it did my friends.

As we entered his large and empty mansion late on a Tuesday night. Justin again did all in his power to get us settled. I couldn’t relax though. I knew that as exhausted as my body was, my mind was drained further.

I glanced at the clock, knowing that it was sometime after three before my head hit the large white, and comfortable pillow.

“Night.â€￾ Justin nodded to me as he switched off the light. But didn’t get in beside me.

“Where are you going?â€￾

“I have to do a few things…ill be back soon though. Just go to sleep ok? You need to rest.â€￾

“Justin, come on it’s…â€￾ I glanced at the clock again. “3; 15am, cant whatever it is wait?â€￾

“No, look ill be back soon, Ryan’s out cold. So please girl, rest!â€￾ He sweetly kissed me on the forehead as he reached for his jacket and walked out. Where he was headed, I had no idea.

Pulling up outside the long narrow driveway. I took a deep breath before I hit the gear and drove on.

I knew it would be highly unlike of her to actually be asleep. After all the woman hardly ate, did it really surprise me that she hardly ever slept?

I knocked as hard as I could until I got a reaction. I watched at the lights went on in each section of the house that lead to the door. And then her sleepy, ragged form came into view.

“Do you know what time it is?â€￾ she retorted to me as she opened the door, halfway – I simply put my foot to it and pushed my way in.

“Yeah im fully aware thanks. Isn’t it strange how laying awake night after night for almost two weeks now, can make you lose all track of time?â€￾ I said well aware that the tone in my voice was verging on drugged psychopath. But its what I needed in order for it to have any kind of effect.
<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>
never knew the art of making love
Though my heart aches with love for you
Afraid and shy, I let my chance go by
The chance that you might love me too

“Well, it’s not my fault if your guilt is keeping you up at night Justin…â€￾ she declared as coldly, as if she didn’t know what I was talking about.

“Actually Cameron it’s not my guilt that’s keeping me up. It’s the stress of the press, you know the worlds press that you just conveniently let slip to what went down, where we were and what was happening. That’s whats keeping me up b****!â€￾ I saw her eyes flinch at that.

“What? You expect me to say sorry for telling the truth…I don’t think so!â€￾ she snorted.

“No, I don’t even know what to expect anymore cam, I sure as hell didn’t expect this from you. I thought I knew you…â€￾
“Yeah well I thought I knew you too, turns out I didn’t know sh** about you…a year, Justin over a f***ing year you lied to me…you made a fool of me… to then just up and leave me for that frumpy lookin’ little b****…â€￾ She shook her head as if she couldn’t believe what she was saying.

“Cameron. I don’t know if this matters. But I am sorry that I hurt you. I am. I just, can’t explain it.â€￾
“I know you can’t,â€￾ she sighed sitting on one step of her large staircase. “That’s what makes it worse. I loved you. And deep down I knew what you felt for me, wasn’t the same. But I let myself fall. And fall. And then you just… A baby Justin, a kid. Something you knew I wanted with you and you kept putting me off the idea, and you do it with her. How could you.â€￾
She was acting like I had a choice.

“You realize I didn’t know right? I mean she told me that she didn’t want….â€￾ I knew I had to choose my words carefully if I didn’t want them in The Enquirer that is. “Look, know this. Im sorry for any pain I caused you. I am. As is Isabel. Really… but what you did. Cameron you didn’t just do to us. You did to this innocent little boy who has no idea whats going on. You say you wanted children, how do you think you would feel if someone did this to you, to them huh?â€￾

she just shrugged.

“Ill tell you then shall I? Heart broken. That’s how. Knowing that his life isn’t even his own, before he's had a chance to live it! I came here to tell you. Stop. Just stop with the rumors, the tip offs – stop it now!â€￾ I knew then again my voice had become threatening and intimidating. But like I said I needed to make a point.

“Why should I?â€￾ she cried disobediently.

“Because, if you loved me as much as you said then you would still have some consideration in there somewhere. I know you. And I know that as much as you and I didn’t fit, there is someone out there that is for you. So please. Stop wasting time on me and my life. Go live your own.â€￾ I finished as I headed for the door. Before she called my name, sobbing.

“Why her?â€￾ Was all she could manage in her pathetic state of self-pitying tears?

I didn’t turn, in fact I didn’t move. “Because, she's The one. The only one that I saw myself loving.â€￾</span>

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