Now & Then...

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Postby laura » Fri Sep 23, 2005 10:32 am

*Coming soon* :sprint:

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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Sat Sep 24, 2005 8:33 pm

:yay: :yay:

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Postby laura » Mon Sep 26, 2005 8:55 am

<span style='color:hotpink'> :rolleyes: ok i wanted to post it now, but my disk isnt...well ok i forgot the disk! so....hopefully tomorow? :lol: </span>

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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Mon Sep 26, 2005 10:32 am

:stupidme: Silly woman. :lol:

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Postby laura » Tue Sep 27, 2005 5:09 am

<span style='font-family:Times'>Cast:
NIkki: :@)
Justin the flashbacks! Cute huh?

Present:! :@) </span>

<span style='font-family:Times'>
<span style='color:red'>Now and Then</span>.

As I walked up the long neatly attended driveway where I had left my car, I made a turn to enter his house. That was until I heard the screaming, “I can not believe you did that how dare you!â€￾
“I didn’t do anything unbunch your panties woman!â€￾ That’s when I saw them, nick his cousin and his cousin’s woman. Or what ever she was supposed to be, with her double E sized breasts I wasn’t sure…it was then I was filled in with what went on, and as usual I had to have my say.

"Look your being unreasonable, he didn’t do anything wrong!"

"OOH! And just how would you know that, you where gone. You didn’t hear the things he said to me; I want Justin in here now! Just because they're related doesn’t mean he can treat me like that!!" When she began to stomp her feet I knew it was time I got what she asked for.

"Fine, Fine...â€￾ I defeated.

"JUSTIN, your girl needs you ASS in her a second!!!" I announced through the entire building practically as we all moved into the entrance hall of the house.

"What?" Was the response as his head popped through the door, "Well" I
began "Your girlâ€￾ I Pointed to the annoyed skinny one on my left “Is pissed at your cousin "

I pointed to the annoyed skinny one on my right, "Because and I quote "He’s a sexist pig, and She came on to him, and then she slapped him...Don’t look at me golden boy I just arrived." I made sure to say just before the 'glare' of Timberlake was aimed at me.

As I watched him enter the arena that was the daily battle of his family vs. his latest conquest in a line that rivaled the cue at the box office for Star Wars, I was once again happy I wasn’t apart of it.

As I stepped past him, and noted that he barely registered my existence I grumbled to myself and was on my merry way, it was times like these when I really regretted taking a job here. I mean had it not been for his mothers persistence that I help with charity work I don’t think I would have even helped out. Memphis, a town I knew and know well. I should do since I grew up here, well Millington to be exact. But that was a long time ago and this life wasn’t mine now.

Like most teenagers I grew weary of the small town, its people, its gossip. I out grew what helped raise me, so I did what most do - I moved to pastures greener. Or so it seemed any way.
New York I was convinced was the place for me. So i did what all good Christian girls do. I studied my ass off. In High school, in college, to set a foundation for a life I knew I wanted some day, a life that wasn’t my parent’s life of constantly scraping and saving, struggling. Because of all that I was uncertain of in this life that I knew that was one thing I didn’t want.

So there I was at the prime, the top of my game as a manager for events in New York’s Upper East side, a job that consisted of nightly parties in black tie, with the elite of the elite smoozing and boozing all in the name of "Business". I was one of the chosen few who knew just exactly what that "Business" was, and it wasn’t the stock exchange.

The rich, the filthy rich and the obscenely over the top wealthy all partied well at the events I hosted. I should have been proud. But one coked up socialite is the same as the next, all thinking your one of them, even when you’re the furtherest thing from it.

So here I was, back home. Helping the one person in this world I cant stand "organize" his charity hoopla, all in the name of the fabricated friendship everyone thinks we share...Oh how wrong they are, so very wrong.


I couldn't believe the nerve of my own mother, inviting her to do this thing with me, her of all people! It really was still something that didn’t sit right with me. I mean how was I supposed to “Workâ€￾ with her?
Sure she was a hotshot now she knew her sh** apparently; I however had yet to see her in action - so to speak.

I mean so what if she knew how to organize, how to rally, get interest...this was a CFTC not the bloody live 8 for god sakes! Sure it was my first year, planning alone. But I assured everyone I knew what I was doin' and now? My mom comes in and interferes.

God Damnit.

So yeah maybe I was surprised at her choice, since you know I practically grew up with the girl an all, but still it sucked that she seemed so, smug so high and mighty. Making me feel like sh** that she just stepped in. I didn’t need her ass for nothing. But since I had at that time owed her a thank you at the least, letting her add me to her list of “Clientsâ€￾ in order to raise her price for what she did, well I couldn’t say I could object. But we’ll get to that later…

"No you listen, I know what im talking about and I know that what you’re suggesting won’t work? I mean how, really do you expect that many people to fit in that teeny venue! Get real. Justin in Florida, they’d die in the heat!"

"Whatever, ive been there you haven’t, therefore I know that it would work. At the least for the basketball game?"

She ran her slender fingers through all of that hair that long straight dirty blonde
highlighted hair. Rolling her deep green eyes at me from across the table.

"Fine your highness what do you want?" He added.

As she shuffled her papers, she got up and walked beside me, leaning over me from behind.Allowing me to get a nice whiff of her sweet but not over powering perfume.

The girl, as much as I held a certain amount of disgust for her, she always did smell way to f***ing good.

That’s what he remembered most, her eyes and the way her hair smelled, too good.

"See hereâ€￾ She pointed to her photographs "This is just half a mile down the beach,
there they agreed to admit at least 600 more people. And even if that many don’t
show..." She smirked "We'll have room."
God, why did he have to be such an ass? I mean all the damn time it was like I knew
him for a second then his guard goes right back up again. He never used to be that
bad; he was confidant sure, but never cocky, arrogant - rude. It was the one thing she thought that the title of “celebrityâ€￾ brought to a person. She had worked with and for enough of them to know that “egoâ€￾ was a common world…it replaced “decencyâ€￾ and that had definitely happen to him…
The funny thing was, around everyone else he was the guy she remembered, but to her he was simply mean.

As I walked into his oversized kitchen, I saw him, he saw me yet he decided to still suck face with that girl...whats her name? I sucked with names.

Well regardless of what her name was, she was blocking the fridge, and I was

"Ahem" still they continued to grope, he saw me, smiled and carried on.


"Excuse me." I tried. "You’re excused" He said smirking.

Oh that was it.

"Look I know this is your house and all, but your mom needs some more sh** from
your fridge, move!"


"Justin, ugh just f***ing stop being a pain in the ass MOVE"


Ok so I knew he was just doing it because he could and because he knew it would
get a raise out of me.


"Fine." I said as I shoved them both out of the way, really I don’t know where I got
the nerve; this was all his sh** after all.

"Hey, watch where your at girl...What the hell are you doin'" He yelled slightly as he moved finally.

"I told you," I crossed my arms "I needed some sh** from here, so I can hand it over,
and get to bed? Is that ok with his highness and his wench???" I smirked. As the
offended look on whatshernames face got bigger.

"Hey, you don’t have any right coming in here, to my HOME and start shoutin' the orders."

"I asked nicelyâ€￾ I argued. “It’s not my fault if you’re to pu*** whipped to hear it."

"Godâ€￾ he stressed looking down on my height "you are such a b****." He snapped.

"Who’s the b**** Lake, huh? Im not the one playing petty little games just so I can
prove who’s am I?"

"Girl, you think what you say matters to me anymore? Well guess what, it doesn’t
mean sh**."

If that was true why was he so upset? I knew he didn’t care what I thought and it
never bothered me until and it was the most sickening thing -I realized that I actually cared what he thought.

As she ran to the upstairs room, she just knew that she had to get away from him, the rows they had were always heated but she hated when he got bitter and mean towards her, made worse when she knew he was just doing it to be cool or whatever.

"Hey...Nikki? You ok girl?"

Sighing heavily, she nodded "yeah I am, he’s just such a dick sometimes."

"Who you tellin'? Being his assistant, trust me ive seen too many hissy fits to

"Yeah I really don’t doubt that...God, Im sorry but I really do have to pack...."

The other red headed girl just nodded "Me too! Talk to you later then?"

"Sure thing..."

Having packed most of the sh** I came to Justin land with I knew I was good as far
as the next day was concerned.

Sarah being the nosy ho that she is, 'helped' me with the aid of wine, and a lot of it.

Last i knew it didn’t take two hours and two bottles to pack three suit cases. But
somehow we did it.

"Girl, what is up with you and J? I mean y'all are b****ing like it’s the real world -

"It’s nothing, we just don’t see eye to eye that’s all.â€￾ I tried to down play it, pouring
another drink as I tried to catch up with my now drunkass friend.

"No, its more I mean the tension between you guys, its....fascinating. Did you two
hook up and not tell me or what?" she joked.

Holy sh**, that b**** was good.

"No" I tried, but my guess was the look on my face gave it away.
"Riiight, spill now.â€￾ She demanded.

"Nothing happened, I swear..."

"Yeah and im not an alcoholic...tell me! Or you know what, Ill just go ask him."

"Ok, o.k.â€￾ I Panicked. "Fine....Basically, yeah we...did hook up." "ONCE..."I
stressed.â€￾ We were kids, I was 16, he was almost 17, and we were drunk and

"And you didn’t tell me??? We used to hang with them all the time those summers,
and well that one Christmas, when he was home long enough..."

I hid my head, knowing she'd piece it together.

"Wait a second...Nikki? When exactly did this 'stupid thing' happen?" I also saw the
wheels turn in her head. She knew, or at least she was getting there, drunk or not.

"I... Ugh. Fine that Christmas when he and Tra-"

"So that’s what y'all did when you and he was-"

"Yeah...pretty much." I cut her off.

Hopping closer to me on the sofa she smirked. "So? What was he like? I've always

I could feel my face getting redder with each passing second "SARAH!! Come on...."

"Naw, seriously...Was he good?"

"We were 16!!!"

"Annnnd?? That means sh**, was he good or not." still she saw my blushing, my
cheeks looked like ripe apples no doubt. "Ok..." she relented "Ill put it this way, did it
last long?"

"I am not havin' this conversation..."

Rolling her eyes at me she poured me yet another drink.

"Look if you hate him so much then why does it matter?"

Ok so maybe she did have a point, why did it matter?

"Fine, he was...It was fine I guess?"

"FINE? Just FINE? Girl come on I want DETAILS here, come on!!!!"

"What details? We were kids...really it doesn’t mean that much..."

"Well it does to

Sarah’s crush on Justin was monumental back then; I mean she was the original
Nsync Groupie. I never was.

"We had sex what else do you need?"

"Like how was he? Was it rushed, all about him...Or did y'all both get somethin' out of it? If you know what I mean"

Everyone knew what she meant.

So?" She probed. "What was he like?"

"Sarah, please...I don’t want to get in to this."

"Fine, just tell me...a little then? Ive always wondered, make the misery go away."

"Fine, fine then...What happened was, I was crying over Luke right, so there I was drowning my sorrows in a big bottle of... Something, I’m not even sure what it was.And in he walks.We talked and then....well..."

<span style='color:purple'>Christmas 1998</span>

The party was packed, it was a house party, and in Memphis - not all that common, so it was obvious all the party wanting teens where gonna show. And show they did.
Wall to wall it was people, with alcohol, always a bad idea when it was cheep beer or even cheaper vodka.

It was a night he didn’t want to take part in, he asked to be left alone, and after all he had just broken up with his girl. Didn’t he deserve a little wallowing time?

But no, his friends - namely Trace convinced him he needed some normal "downâ€￾ time. So i went.

The first hour I basically spent catching up with everyone, and having mindless conversation with girl after girl.

Needing a breather from all of it I headed upstairs, the bathroom was unlocked thank god, one of what I knew being three bathrooms. So I knew no one would be knocking.

That was until I got inside and locked the door, seeing her there, crying sitting by the sink.

sh**, that wasn’t good.

"Uh, hey?"

Looking up with her tear soaked eyes that looked so sad, she responded.

"Oh...Hey...Ill leave if you need..." She pointed to the toilet.

"Naw, I just needed a breather are you ok?"

"NO! “She said her voice still full of emotion. "I'm not, I hate parties, I hate this
"Aw, come on the music isn’t that bad?" He reasoned.

"No smartass, the host...Little miss perfect, she’s a b****."

"Kimberly something right? Yeah trace mentioned her, what she do? Spike the onion

"f***ed my boyfriend." She said solemnly wiping her tears again. At that point he
felt like a complete dick.

"Oh, im sorry....that’s...well that sucks."

"No sh**." she said, looking over at him fully now." Welcome home...again by the way."

He smiled; she was always one to say that. Like she missed him or
something. "Thanks, so this guy? Is he really worth all your tears?"

"No, probably not...doesn’t stop it hurting though. Bastard."

"I get it." He nodded, handing her another tissue.

"Yeah i heard about and Danni, sorry."

"Thanks, but i knew it was coming...We never saw each other, and it wasn’t fair.

"That’s what you keep telling' yourself" She interrupted whilst slugging another drink
from her bottle that sat beside her.

"You know, it’s not wise to drink alone..."

She smiled and handed him the bottle.

"Fine, join me...we can enjoy being miserable...together."

Yeah that was a bad idea.


FEEDBACK: if you please!

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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Tue Sep 27, 2005 8:15 am

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! You hooked me again, girl. :clap: :clap: That was a good flashback. I can't wait to find out more about the past that these two share. And I hope that they can be kind to one another and hook something up again in the future. :pray:

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Postby Angelpopstar7 » Tue Sep 27, 2005 9:25 am

Ohh Laura I love it! I haven't been into fanfic much recently but I love your story! So these two have a past together eh? I wondered what all of that tension was about :thinking: That thought never crossed my mind...but this should get very interesting uh huh! MORE PLEASE!

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Postby laura » Wed Sep 28, 2005 7:29 am

:lol: it pays to self promote! WOO! glad you like it hun! and yes they do have a past. One that will be explained bit by bit as we get through the chapters! *giddy* so nice to have you along!! ight paige? :D

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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Wed Sep 28, 2005 8:44 am

:D The more the merrier.

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Postby laura » Tue Oct 04, 2005 8:25 am

<span style='font-family:Times'> Hey all! Well here it is, and im so unsure of this so....I hope ya enjoy it. Ill be exporing the past a little more and scooting to the present in a few sections too! Hopefully its gives us more of a look at why they are the way they are....more to come so! LATA!!!!!!!! :lol:

As I packed my few bags into the trunk of my escalade I was approached by Trace. The man whose face seemed to permanently have a arrogant grin attached to it. This time though it seemed to be even bigger.

“Hey whats up, you almost ready to go dude? I mean Memphis to Florida in three days. It gonna take a sh** load of driving a’int it!?â€￾

“I know…â€￾ I responded shutting the trunk “but it'll be a break from flying. And after three months cooped up I think I need the open road.â€￾

“True, but wouldn’t it be nice if you had some company…â€￾

“I thought you were driving down with your girl?â€￾ I was confused.

“Oh, not me. I am going with her. But you…you are going with Nikki.Look
dude I don’t know where this intense...passion of hatred comes from with
her and you, but I and everyone else am sick of it sick of the b****ing the
snide remarks and the plain insane yelling because dude she's been here
what? A couple of weeks and y’all have done nothing but the above, and it’s
got to stop! So heres the deal. You and she are going to play nice." Trace
ranted at his best friend knowing full well it would piss him off.


"No listen, you will play nice, because we “He pointed to the car that held his girlfriend. "Are driving down alone. You are driving with her..."
"No I-"

"Yes, yes you are...see we are gonna meet half way, and meet you between
here and Florida, at that time I will give you back these." At that he held up
his array of credit cards and smirked.

Looked back at the deserted house, and then back at his friend.

"Now if you don’t play nice, and I will find out...I will max each and every one
of these out on the most ungodly of things...Got it?"

I could have protested, I damn well could have stopped him. But I guess
even then I knew, part of me liked pissing her off and that part of me won.

"Fine but if she kills me I will haunt you..."

"Yeah, fine. See you in a few days bro."

I watched him jump into the car, and speed off like he was an extra in the
damn fast&furious. I glanced back at the door, seeing her standing there
hands on hip.

"Where in the hell have they gone? That’s my ride...."

Handle with screw it.

"Well sweetheart actually, im your ride."

Not for the first time either.


"Excuse me? No, the deal was I hitched with Trace and whats her
name...And you with...wait whats her name your girl?"

I rolled my eyes at her blonde moment and made my way to one of the three suit cases that sat on my front step.

"Her name is Annabel, and she’s left already, and she’s not-"

"Yeah I know what she is ok, She’s a pain in the a-"

"Look I get what he’s doin' but forget it, I am not spending three days in a car with, ill just wait...and-"

"And what? Everyone else already left, im it babe."

"Please, spare me the act ok? I know this is the last thing you want and the
fact is if we leave together, we will kill each other..."


At that I grabbed the biggest suitcase leaving her with the others.

"No, we won’t...if anything, nothing will happen as long as we don’t
talk...How bout we start now; you shut up and get in the damn car!"


Oh I know he didn’t just yell at me!

"f*** you...Im not going anywhere with you, a**hole!"

"FINE, your highness, wait your ass here and see what happens!"

Still holding my suitcase, he walked over to the car, the one with the top
down, shoved it in the backseat and got in.

"Hey, that’s mine!!"

He smirked. "Come get it..."


"Noooo, come and get it..." He teased.

"Just give it to me." I protested.

"Only if you get in the damn car woman!!"

Hot from the mid-day sun and more than annoyed I gave in. This I knew was
a bad move on my part, well I had a history of giving in to him, and one I
knew then was about to comeback and bite me in the ass.


The first hour was spent in silence, sheer silence - no radio no nothing. As he concentrated on getting out of the city through traffic and she made that she was blissfully unaware of the deafening that said silence was.

"So are you not gonna talk at all?â€￾ He eventually pipped up. Glancing at her
sunglasses that covered her eyes.

"Why? So we can start yellin' again...No thanks."

He just shrugged it off replacing her huffs with the CD player.

She waited, she knew she recognized the song, she should have done she
loved the band.

Then out of nowhere he just slowly, quietly started singing along with the

It wasn’t to be noticed, it was just to sing.

After two, he realized he was low on gas. "I gotta pull up. So if you gotta
make a bathroom break, now would be the time Nikki." He announced
indicating to pull up at the gas station.

"Fine..." She said from behind her magazine.

"Fine," He mocked. "Is that all you say?" he huffed.

"Well what do you want me to say, thank you so much sir, for allowin' me to
relieve my bladder? " She smirked. "God get over yourself dude?"

He looked over at her, removing his glasses and snapping "What?"

"What?" She said also. Before getting out of the car.

It was times like these he remembered just how much she pissed him off.
She always had to be so damn stubborn, and unreasonable.

Coming out of the shop section of the gas station, her hands filled with
magazines, tabloid sh** I don’t even know what there was to "Read" in them
anyway. She also was armed with candy, chocolate and all sorts of things I
knew I could enjoy.

It was rare to see a girl that would eat in front of a guy, let alone one that would eat trash...Well any girls he knew these days where
forever "watching their weight" Or on a "diet"

It sickened him really, because he liked his women with curves, something to
hold on to you know? That was becoming a rare thing these days.

"You go?" He asked.

"Yeah...are we ready?"

"I think so, yeah..."

At that she hopped back into the car, finding her disk man in her bag, and
putting the batteries she bought into it.

Placing the phones in her ears, and sitting back.

I guess she really really didn’t want to talk.


It was about twenty minutes later, when his cell rang.

'Trace Calling...'

"Whats up man.""

"You kill her yet? "He laughed.

"you lil motherf***er, this is hell...We still aren't talkin', it’s driving me nuts."

"Can she hear you?"

"No, I don’t think so, she has her cd player on, and she’s asleep..."

"Well whatever you do, don’t hurl her out of the car, be good!!"

"Yeah, yeah, talk to you later b****."

He left it, another hour then he knew he needed a break from the road, and more than that he needed food!

Glancing over at her as he pulled into Wendy’s, still sound asleep.

She looked so, beautiful...When she wasn’t yelling.

"Nikki? Nic?"

"Humm...â€￾She stirred.

"Wake up..."

Slowly she opened her eyes, shocked to see him leaning over her.


"Wanna eat?"

"Huh?" Still half asleep.

"Im hungry, wanna eat?" He pointed to the take out.


As she gradually got up, and checked her now messed hair in the mirror, he
laughed but before she could get mad he got out of the car.

Sitting in the back of the almost empty fast food joint still not talking, just
waiting for their order he knew he had to tell her.



"Trace took my credit cards...."


"Basically I have no money...." he got straight to the point.

"What do you mean?â€￾ she asked her voice getting higher with each word.

"I mean trace took my credit cards and sh**, so the hotel for tonight, well
we're gonna have to slum it…"

"You mean you embarked on a road trip, for three days with NO GODDAMN
MONEY???? sh** you are as dumb as you look! You did realize that you were
the one supposed to pay me for all this organizing sh**…"

"Yeah thanks for that, look if it’s anyone’s fault it’s yours, he’s insisted that
we 'play nice' and if we survive I get them back and then yes you'll get

"f*** that, so are you saying you have no money?"

"Noooo, I have some, but we're gonna have to budget it. What about you?"

"Eh, some....not enough for two to survive on."

"Well I think we can make it work. How much do you have?"

She thought it over for a second. "Couple of hundred you?"

"Same...â€￾ he added talking a bite out of his chicken that had arrived.

"So basically it’s...ugh, motels from here to Florida? Great..." She added

"Yeah, great."

Summer 1998

She had always been a quiet girl he remembered. But that summer when he had come home, she seemed so different.
It was down by the lake, where all the teenagers went at that time of year. It was hot. Too hot, well it was July and it had cold water and swings added that with new diving boards…In a small town it was the one and only thing to do.

When he was home, he always tried to keep his head down, to just blend in.

When his friends suggested a trip down, of course he said yes.

There she was, with the rest of her girls al laughing, messing in the water.

Having fun the good old fashioned way.

When the boys arrived, they all got quiet.

All except her, she knew most of the boys since she was around six and that was during her tom boy phase. You wouldn’t know to look at her that

summer though, she was all girl.

"So, hey..." she motioned waving to everyone and zoning in on him.

"'ve you been girl?"

"Good, you?"

"Yeah... same can’t really complain can I?â€￾

She just nodded.

"Your mom's been keeping me informed, sounds like Europe love y'all?"

" Hope so, I mean its sh** hard work, but I love it!"

"I know, she told me that too." she laughed, brushing her hair from her face.

"So what have you been up to?"

At that she giggled "You mean BESIDES traveling the world? Well let’s see,
ive been in school, hating math, cheerleading and basically dying in the hell
that is High school...."

"Sorry, you know I still have to do all that sh** too."


"Girl don’t act blonder than you are, I mean school an all...I still gotta do all a
that too!"

"How do you? I mean with the working, how?"

"It’s hard, really hard - which is why I love coming home, kinda like mini
holidays but my mom basically chains me to the desks over there for four
hours a day!..."

"Yeah I guess it is hard then! So, are you gonna join them?" She nodded to
the crowd of people splashing around and diving from the boards.

"Naw, in a minuteâ€￾ I looked her over once, fast so hopefully she wouldn’t
notice me ogling her.

"Liking the view too much huh?" She laughed, she knew obviously she knew.

Coughing I tried to hide the blushing that I knew was happening "uh..."

"Relax," She giggled again, "My boyfriend isn’t here, so you can look at
whatever you want...â€￾

At that she jumped up, walked over to the side of the small cliff and jumped
off into the water again.


Still I sat by the river, lake whatever it was, just watching the others all care
free enjoying their summer. Something I should have been doing.

In a way I was, and I wasn’t but I loved being home, I love being with all my
friends and family. But then again I knew I had commitments to honor and
that id have to leave again soon, it sucked basically, since it never allowed
me to have that consistency that was needed in order to form new
friendships, let alone a relationship. The one I had at that time with
my "girlfriend" was rocky to say the least, not surprising since she only saw
me once every three to five months.

The entire gang of people who would have been my friends had I not had to
leave everything ten minutes to tour. We spent the day just hanging out –
again not something I got to do to often.

That was until Danni showed up, with a face like a slapped arse. Mad as hell.

“where were you all day Justin, I told you I wanted to spend some time
together…you just took off…â€￾ she came up to me as Nikki Trace and I where
in the middle of our game of pool.

“I wanted to see some people…I told you that.â€￾

“Yeah but you also said we could spend time…alone.â€￾ She made the
comment so she knew what I meant. And the strange thing was I still didn’t

“We can tonight. I just needed a little break. I needed to chill. You get that

She pouted and merely shrugged at me.

“I guess its fine but only if you promise?â€￾

“I promise ok?â€￾ Now GO away…

Sure I promised her, and usually I was good on my promises but that one
time I didn’t wanna be with her, I wanted to be with my friends – my new
female one in particular.

“She’s a little possessive isn’t she?â€￾ she asked as my girlfriend all but
stormed out of the pool hall.

“Just a little. She's, um…I dunno.â€￾

“She’s a girl…what can you do.â€￾ She laughed at me again.

“Yeah but hey you’re a girl and you don’t have that problem. I mean your
boy isn’t here and you don’t seem so worried?â€￾

“No, im not worried because he's in Aspen with his family.â€￾

“In summer? Why?â€￾

“Big ski freak…what can I say.â€￾ She grinned. “He’s a sports freak, footballer
ice hockey and now skiing.â€￾

“Wow…sounds…time consuming?â€￾

“It is but I don’t mind he's passionate about something and it gets him out
of town every now and again and when he comes back I get nice gifts which
is as you know all what its about.â€￾ She smirked and her tone let me know
that she was kidding. She putted her 8 ball and I knew id lost, but as I
looked around I saw that it was just her and me, alone?â€￾

“I guess everyone got bored…you hungry.â€￾

“Uhh Justin is that such a good idea? Isn’t Danni waiting for you?â€￾ Oh yeah

“well yes but im hungry and I don’t think she's eaten since she became a
cheer leader…so what do you say to a hamburger?â€￾ given another minute of
thought she said yes and we sat down in Sylvia’s diner.

“So this whole singing thing…I mean your mother is all about how amazing it
is for you. But is it?â€￾

“Is it?â€￾

“Is it all it’s meant to be?â€￾ she tucked into another bite.

“I guess. Its sh** hard work you know but I love it so I guess it makes
everything worth it.â€￾

“Don’t you miss just being normal?â€￾ I did sometimes.

“No, what I get to do is so much better than anything I could do hanging
around here…but of course I miss home I mean its home you know???â€￾

“I see…well you might not miss home but I can tell you home – or Trace at
least misses youâ€￾

“Do you miss me?â€￾ I don’t know what in the hell made me ask that.

She looked up over her soda. Eyes only.

“Well yeah, sometimes…but right now? Im remembering why it’s good to get
rid of you for a while.â€￾



Back on the road some forty five minutes later they both agreed to pull their money together. Meaning that it still wasn’t a lot. And that they would definitely have to tone down their spending, one thing having to be considered - Where they were gonna sleep.

After ten, Justin knew he couldn’t drive any more, his eyes where giving up on him. If he had known he would have had to drive so much alone the night before he swore to himself that he wouldn’t have drunk so much...Oh well to late now.

"Nic? Im tired I think we should pull up for the night."

"Let me drive.â€￾

He laughed, fully

"What? I can drive Justin..."

"I know you can, but you can't drive my car!"

"You are a dumbass, you know that right? Im a perfectly good driver, we
don’t have to stop....Besides where are we? Nowhere land? I don’t exactly see any hotels around here do you?"

She was right, they had driven into a smallish town, almost abandoned

"We'll find somewhere." He reassured her, while she just sat back and

Find somewhere they did, and it took another twenty minutes. By that time
he was officially ready to drop.

"Justin I’m not staying here..." She protested.

"What? Don’t be stupid, its fine!"

It so wasn’t fine, it was a "motel" she didn’t do motels, not before when she
was poor and certainly not now.

"Justin it looks like they rent their rooms by the hour? I a'int sleeping in

His patience was limited, and he was tired.

"Fine you can sleep in the car. You wanna come in, ill be checking in under
the name "Bill Clinton" Just in case."

"In case of what? Justin this town is empty...â€￾ she looked out the window at
the pitch dark town that reminded her of that old film – house of wax. It was
THAT creepy.

"Yeah well you can never be to careful right....I mean there could be serial
killers, mad men just out there looking for an unwilling victim" He paused
slightly leaning down into the car window where she sat before he evilly
said "sleep tight!"

As she watched him walk away she wanted to do nothing more than to hit


Looking around in the darkness she suddenly was overcome with fear,
hearing things that logically she knew were nothing to worry about, but
damn him for planting the thoughts in her head.

"Ugh, I hate him!!" Talking to herself she got out, walking into the flea pit
she knew she'd have to sleep in.

Having heard the knock on the door, he knew it had to be her. And he knew
once she saw where she was sleeping a fight would no doubt happen.

"What? Suddenly this is good enough?" I added seeing her standing in the
doorway looking scared, with all her bags in tow.

"No...I just couldn’t get comfortable...that’s all... "She huffed "oh and I added
on as Monica Lewinsky you know just in case “She mocked, and rolled her

"Yeah..." I grabbed one of her bags and opened the door wide enough for
her to step in.

"Justin, what is this?"

See, I knew it was coming.


"This!!!" Pointing to the double bed, the only bed in the room.

"Oh..." I began walking over and sitting down on it. "I asked for a twin, or
even two rooms, but I guess they were fullâ€￾ I lied "So this was all they had."

"Well....They're just gonna have to change it...I can’t sleep with you."

Rolling my eyes at her, "Why? It a'int like we're gonna 'do' anything are we?"

She smirked sarcastically, "No baby you and I save it for the bathroom"

He knew the room would piss her off, he had to admit he liked it when she
was angry, she was feisty and he enjoyed winding her up, but he had been
a little more than annoyed himself at the state of the room. He gave her that.


More than annoyed that her night wasn’t exactly going to plan she decided
that a nice hot shower would fix it.

Unfortunately for her SOMEONE had used up all the hot water,

"UGH..." So she gave up, and changed into her p'js and decided she needed

"Whats the face for?" Looking up at him she saw him lying ever so
comfortably on the bed, in nothing but his blue boxer shorts.

"There was no hot water, you used it ALL!"

His face changed, almost one of mischief. Yeah, like he didn’t know he used it

"Sorry, I figured there was a heater...Maybe not."

As she walked over to draw the blinds, and pull down her side of the bed
covers she suddenly became very aware of how close they were going to be
ALL night long. The bed was small, a lot smaller than she was used to, but
she hoped she didn’t forget were she was and moved any closer, to him.

"Could you get up a sec?"

"Why?" He asked.

"I need to check something..." And with that she proceeded to lift the sheets
and inspect the mattress.

"Girl...â€￾ He stood in the middle of the room arms folded, semi naked, just
looking at her. "What in the hell are you doin'?"

"Checking for blood marks, if someone died on here I am so sleeping in the
car!" She said with pure seriousness as she put everything back into place,
finding nothing.

"Well, G’night." she reached up and switched out her light.

He on the other hand still kept on the television, watching old re-runs
of 'Friends' for the millionth time.

How did he just ignore the fact that she was right there, right THERE, Just
sleeping...With him.


He knew that it was a bad idea when Trace made it happen, but in a car was
a hell of a lot different than in a tiny bed together. Wasn’t it?

He knew he had a girlfriend; well she was more of a convenient lay than
anything else. She wasn't someone he had 'talks' with, not someone who he
could show emotion with. She was simply sex, and she knew it.

Some could say looking in, that that’s all it was with Nikki that night, Truth
was...It was more, for him at least, it was much more.

A little under an hour later, lying in the darkness backs to each other - fully
aware that they were both awake, she asked breaking the silence.

"Hey, did you ever tell anyone?"

"Tell anyone what?" Was his whispered answer.

"About us, about what happened with us?"

"You asked me not to remember, so no, I didn’t"

"Not ever?"



"You sound disappointed," He smirked in the darkness, "did you?"

There was a short silence, "Who'd you tell?" He realized.

"Sarah," She admitted "Only recently. We were drunk, she was so drunk she
doesn’t even remember me telling' her, but I did."

"Why, I mean if it was such an awful experience for you why'd you even
bring it up?

Ok he had a point,

"Justin, it wasn't awful ok? It was what it was, and we were only 16.

And I don’t know, we were drinking and she asked me why we had such
a 'Tempestuous' relationship. I guess I knew she wouldn’t remember. And
that "It" was the reason you and I hate each other right?" She laughed
slightly at the end of her sentence. "I don’t hate you" He mumbled,

"Had me fooled then, given that you only speak to me to either try and
under mind me or insult me. Spells hatred to me."

"Well you’re exactly the same, I mean I can’t even remember the last time
you and I had a decent normal conversation?"

"I can...."

Christmas 98'

"So what exactly happened with you guys? Why did he - "

"Screw another woman? "She sighed, taking another sip of alcohol.â€￾ I don’t
know, I guess he got bored. I...We were fighting a lot, so I guess that was
what did it. Pathetic huh?"

"Pretty much, what an ass.I mean you’re a great - “He paused, "Well I just
think he’s a dumbass for letting you go that’s all."

"Thanks, but im not that great."

"I think you are..." He said softly, before adding "I mean your fun to be
around, you’re whats not to like?"

Smirking she turned to him, smiling still. "Sounds like you like me?" She had
meant it as a joke. But catching the look he gave her after she said it, she
wasn’t so sure.

"Maybe I do..." He laughed.

"Oh I know you do..."She laughed full on, "I see the way you are...Its cute."

"Cute??" The offence in his voice was something that amused her even more.

"Oh calm your ass down."

"Yeah, but cute?" he mumbled.

Moments passed and nothing was said, mainly because of the lack of things
they had in common any more, mainly because as friendly as they were in
middle school, now? It was a very different story.

"So, hey..." She began "what did really happen with you and Danni? I mean
I heard you cheated on her, then she on you? Whats the deal?" The alcohol
must have hit her system, and fast because she didn’t know what had made
her say what she said.

"Uh...She was the one that, well yeah...she cheated on me I guess? I mean
I never knew for sure. But I had a fair idea. So I ended it when I was in
France. Let me tell ya, break up by phone? Not the best of ideas."

"Yeah well at least you didn’t have to catch her f***ing the guy..." She
remember what had happened to her hours before, and sipped another
drink for what seemed to be a never- ending glass to make it all disappear.

Look that dude whats his name...He's not worth your time, let alone your
tears ok?"

Thinking that she had shed her few tears that second in silence obviously
wasn’t true, since he had seen her, and moved to wipe them away.

In a voice softer than before he moved in closer again, wiping her tears
away still, "Look at me, Nikki...Look at me ok? You are so much better than
him or her for that matter ok? They're trash...Trust me."

With a voice weakened she nodded her head. “I know they are but it hurts
you know?"

Again he nodded in agreement. "I know...I know."

And with that comforting gesture came another, this time in the form of a

As his lips motioned for hers, somewhere in the back of her mind she knew it
wasn’t the best of ideas.

But at that second she really didn’t need anything, other than getting her
mind off her heartache -and that would do just fine!</span>

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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Tue Oct 04, 2005 9:29 am

I love the flipping back-and-forth between the past and the present. That technique is really working for me. I like how it feels like you're solving a mystery with all of these details eventually coming out, one by one. :clap:

I can't even imagine being stuck in that dumpy motel. <_< :lol: But I wouldn't mind those sleeping arrangements. I think that they're going to eventually work out their differences and be just fine. :nod:

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Postby laura » Tue Oct 04, 2005 10:13 am

whatchagot4meMRJT wrote: I love the flipping back-and-forth between the past and the present. That technique is really working for me. I like how it feels like you're solving a mystery with all of these details eventually coming out, one by one. :clap:


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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Tue Oct 04, 2005 10:31 am

SMOOCHES! :kiss2:

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Postby Angelpopstar7 » Wed Oct 05, 2005 11:45 am

Oh I love it! Like Paige said I like how it has all the flashbacks in it...I'm really starting to get a sense of their past and it's playing out quite interesting so far :lol:

What on earth is that girl complaining about? She gets to sleep in a bed with Justin...come on how can things get any better than that? Okay so I can think of a few ways but man I have a feeling these two are just going to let all their frustrations out and have the best "make-up sex" in the whole wide world :rofl: MORE PLEASE!

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Postby laura » Fri Oct 07, 2005 8:07 am

hi, again this one is not as good as what i have planned...Or is it i dont realyl know. Ill let you decide. This one is mostly flash back and i hope it lets you know EXACTLY why they are the way they are...or it begind to at least....Well im gonna shh um, enjoy and ill see y'all on monday!

:wub: :kiss2:

<span style='font-family:Times'>(Present day):

“What’s wrong?â€￾

“I can’t sleep, I hate strange beds.â€￾ She answered as she tossed in the
darkness of the room.

“Why are you still awake?â€￾ she asked as he laid beside her.

“Because you keep moving about…â€￾ truthfully it was because he was thinking about her next to him, it made it difficult to sleep.

“Well…sorry.â€￾ He heard her say as she turned again.



“I just wanted to say, that this weekend, I will be professional. I mean no
matter what has or hasn’t gone on between us I want you to know that this
event means a lot to me, and I will make sure nothing bad happens.â€￾
Ok? Where did the sincerity come from?

“ I knew you would. You are after all the perfect hostess right?â€￾

“No,â€￾ she smirked, and I swear I could see her smile in the darkness. “Your

mom says a lot of things, not all of them true.â€￾

“Yeah, she does.... Hey Nic?â€￾


“I’m sorry.â€￾ He blurted.

“For what this time?â€￾

“The…way ive been actin’ with you, I had no right – im sorry I was an ass.â€￾

She didn’t answer, instead she lean over to switch on the light.

And as my eyes adjusted to the light I saw her looking at me funny.

“Ok? Where the hell did that come from?â€￾

“What??â€￾ I tried to laugh it off.

“You hate me dude, whats with the apologies?â€￾

Again she was right, all week long I had done nothing but either ignore or
insult her. But it was something about being alone with. It made me forget
all the drama…..kind of.


(Christmas '98 )

“Wait are you sure we should be doing this?â€￾ he stopped her breathlessly as she nodded closing off the tiny space he had created between them with another yearning kiss.

“I am so sure right now…â€￾ she answered finally.

“Really?â€￾ she knew by his tone that he wasn’t exactly certain.

“Yes.â€￾ As her swollen pink lips met his again and again he knew somewhere
that he should have been the older, more mature one of the two and stopped what was happening. But if he was being honest he really didn’t
want to. He had a crush on Nikki Johnson since he was a kid. The fact that
she had only gotten more beautiful as she got older made his interest in her
increase over time.

So he didn’t stop it, he encouraged it.

In the back of his mind he knew she was emotional, he knew she was needy
and being a typical 16 year old he didn’t really mind giving her comfort in this
way, in-fact it was the best form of comfort he could think of.

She pressed her lips to his again, before they both fell to the floor

As they fell, their positions changed slightly, she was no longer on top he
had swapped it around. As his hand fell to her stomach he softly caressed
her hip, slowly sliding his hand down her leg reaching the hem of her skirt
and back up again grazing her breast in the process as she moved and
moaned against him.

His lips moved from her mouth to her chin, down to her neck and up over her sensitive earlobe. As he gently teased her skin he knew she wasn’t going to
just give in, she wasn’t that kind of girl.

Her hands moved from the position they had held since they hit the floor, at
his hips, rolling up and down his back as she engaged in one wanting kiss
after another.

Now they spread to his front, slowly moving from his shoulders to his arms
and further down until they reached the end of his t- shirt. His mouth
stopped the moment he felt her small soft – but now cold hands creep up his
chest. She was slowly pulling up his t- shirt.

“Nic, seriously. Do you want to do this?â€￾

“I would have left an hour ago if I hadn’t….â€￾ she simply said as she yanked
the thin piece of material off altogether. Leaving him half ways exposed.

Well it didn’t seem fair to have it just be him that was topless. So he moved
in again blocking her view of his body and with both hands freed her of her
silk white camisole. Leaving her in front of him in nothing but her silk b-
cupped bra and denim miniskirt.

“ well you don’t waste any time do you Justin…â€￾ she laughed nervously as
he moved from his jean clad knees to kiss her again, this time as he cupped
her face with both hands hers moved to unclasp her bra.

As he moved back the sensation that washed over him, was almost
unexplainable, the jolt of sheer electric that shot through his entire body hit
him in all the wrong places- or all the right ones, depending on how you look
at it.

â€￾Nikki, I …â€￾

“You what?â€￾ She smiled up at him as she slid her hands from his chest to the
button on his dark denim jeans- the only thing standing between her and
actual skin to skin contact with him.

He knew at that point that was the last chance, the point of no return for
him. And for her. They both had their reservations, but the need, the longing
for comfort, to be needed in return was greater than the big picture.

“Nothin’ never mind.â€￾ He then proceeded to undo his jeans and with her
help, slip them off, as she did the same with her skirt. Leaving them both
topless and only in thin underwear that at that moment wasn’t hiding an
inch of any of the desire he held for her.

And after that moment of “oh god what is she thinking….â€￾ The process of pleasing each other continued.

“Justin? What are you waiting for?â€￾ she spoke up breathless as they had
continued the awkward form of foreplay – naked. For longer than was
necessary in her opinion.

“I dunno?â€￾ he panted in response. “I just didn’t want to rush you that’s all…â€￾

“well that’s sweet, but my curfews at one…so…could we…â€￾ she motioned
between them, and it made him feel like an idiot. All the time he was
focusing not failing her, and of course really trying not to come…she just
wanted it over and done with.

That made him question, was he the first ‘random’ guy she had done this
with? It didn’t seem to faze her like it did him. At that point he had only ever
been with one girl, she had been his girl for a year before they had finally
done it. This was a little surreal to him if he was being honest.

As he entered her he had to pause in order to blink the stars that flew in
front of his eyes, the sensation was that powerful. The pressure that was
added with her snug fit was bittersweet. In a way it helped, in another way
it made things so much harder – no pun intended.

“sh**….â€￾ He blurted out as they both began to move and create a rhythm of
their own to a beat that existed only in their heads in the moment…the
sensations that he made her feel was somewhere between amazing and
unbelievable. She had only ever been with one other guy at that point, and
he had never taken the time to explore her body like Justin had. It shocked
her a little.

She didn’t know quite what to make of it when it wasn’t
just “wham, bamâ€￾ but it was detailed and he knew precisely what to do to
make her hot. She had to admit it was a little hard to handle,
She could feel it coming; she could feel her entire body just winding up so tight that she swore her head would explode if it didn’t stop soon. The feeling spread the entire length of her body, from her toes through her bones and to the very tips of her fingers. By the time it passed both of them where completely exhausted, trying their best not to just lose all power and crumple like a house of cards.

Both breathless, and now fully aware of their surroundings, and the fact that…well they didn’t really know each other- the conversation was, awkward to say the least.

“So, I guess…I should go.â€￾ She began as they moved and immediately began dressing. He took her cue and did the same, as the air between them got thicker with shame more than anything else.

It just wasn’t heard of, at least where they were from back then for two
unattached teenagers to just “hook upâ€￾ like they had just done neither of
them was really sure how to handle the situation.

Unfortunately for Nikki she took the more drastic route of self preservation.
She took the tough route

“So, I guess…I should go.â€￾ She began as they moved and she immediately
began dressing. He took her cue and did the same, as the air between them
got thicker with embarrassment more than anything else.

It just wasn’t heard of, at least where they were from for two unattached
teenagers to just “hook upâ€￾ neither of them was really sure how to handle

the situation.

Neither of them said anything until they were fully dressed, he didn’t
understand it…he knew he didn’t know her that well but it a least wanted to
know what she thought of it, of him.

“so, um…what do we do now?â€￾ he started off as he stuck his head through
his now wrinkled t-shirt.

“We go home…or you can stay here if you want I don’t care.â€￾

He had to admit it stung when she answered like that; it wasn’t so much the
words, but the delivery of those words that stung.

“Oh, well I think ill just head on home too.â€￾

“Fine…â€￾ she responded finally facing him now she was fully dressed.

“Justin?â€￾ she said quietly at that he hoped her attitude had changed. But he
was wrong, “if you ever, ever tell anyone about what just happened with us,
I will kill you!â€￾


“This…if you tell anyone…even Trace I swear…â€￾

Well if her feelings were vague before they absolutely weren’t now and he
decided then not to show how hurt he was.

“Why the hell would I want to tell anyone?â€￾ he did his best to appear

“Oh,â€￾ it surprised her since she got the feeling it meant more to him. “Well okay then.â€￾

After she had made sure she had all she came with – minus her dignity that is, she practically bolted for the door.

“Hey, Nikki?â€￾ she heard him call after her…his short blonde hair now tossed
all over the place.

“What J?â€￾

“I’ll see you ‘round.â€￾

“Yeah?â€￾ she smiled. “See ya.â€￾


“DUDE! Where the hell did you go?â€￾ I was greeted with the looks from both Trace and Nick as I came alone down the staircase.

“I was….I needed a breather ok?â€￾

“For over an hour? Seriously where were you at?â€￾ Trace continued to push.
And to be honest I was feeling a little used at that point.

“I was…talking with Nikki.â€￾


“Yeah, so listen are y’all ready, im kinda tired.â€￾

Met with smirks from my two companions, “yeah from all that ‘talking’ right?â€￾

Nick added.

“Drop it already…â€￾


For the next few days of the Christmas vacation she decided to busy herself,
after all it wasn’t long until the actual Christmas day, and there was a lot to

Her family was never that big on Christmas, and since her mom was gone on
one of her many endless work trips, the Harless’s had invited both her and
her dad over for the actual dinner.

Small hitch, which was that it would involve her son and that wasn’t exactly
what she wanted. Or needed since what happened with them a week

“Dad please, come on. Why do we gotta go over there? I mean I could cook.â€￾

“Sweetie please, it was very nice of them to invite us and its Christmas. It’s
stressful enough as it is. This way we don’t have to worry! It’ll be fun, and
hey, don’t they have a son you age? He's in a band right?â€￾

Ooh God.

“Uh yeah they do, look…â€￾

“No Nikki, tomorrow we’ll be there, and we will enjoy ourselves – ok?â€￾

“Fine...â€￾ I didn’t wanna go, I really didn’t. But I knew the tone in his voice
and it was the one that there was no point in me even arguing with him.

She had always gotten along well with Lynn Harless; it had been through
their love of all things shopping that had put them together in the first place.
My mom and she were friends and since she was hardly ever around, she
became a kind of substitute.

And since Lynn had never had a daughter of her own, it became apparent
that they needed each other just as much as they did their real families.

That was until she went and had sex with the woman’s only son, and then
things got a little cloudy as to what their relationship was.

What did she say when they showed up the next day, what did she do
when she had to sit at the same table as him. Act normal and make conversation. She had used him. She had used him just like he used her, for

sex of all things. That just wasn’t heard off for teens, especially ones not in a
long-term committed relationship.

“Are you all set sweetie?â€￾ I heard my dad call from the bottom of our

I was a little busy freaking out about the day ahead. We had as we had
done for the last two Christmases exchanged our gifts alone, with out my
mom any way. She had always somehow managed to be gone during the
holidays. Looking back on it now, it was a blessing in disguise sine a few
years later when I set off for college in New York; it spelled the end for them.

But at that time, I was as I said, pre occupied with the freaking out.

“Coming dad!â€￾ I had gifts in hand for all members except their son. I mean I
had known him as a kid, in pre-school, middle school. But now it was
different, he was never around and it was clear he had changed.

All the way their and all the while listening to the local radio station play the same old Christmas songs. I couldn’t help but fore see a disaster. I knew it was coming.</span>

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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Fri Oct 07, 2005 4:05 pm

Ahhh, that was awkward. So that's how it all went down. Sex and then .... nothing. :huh: :o And then to have to see him at the Christmas dinner. I think I'd want to bury my head in the sand.

But it looks like things in the present are looking up. Sweet of him to apologize. They need to get over the past and work on being friends in the here and now.

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Postby Angelpopstar7 » Fri Oct 07, 2005 7:15 pm

Oh man that was so awkward afterwards :lol: I kinda felt bad for Justin cause he really cared about the girl and she was like "if you tell anyone i'll kill you" :lol: Justin you should have put aside your pride and told her that's not how it was going down :lol:

At least he has the balls to appologize to her now...although I think she's the one that neeeds to be appologizing but that's besides the point :lol: I have a feeling that make-up sex is in the works and then things will get awkward again :rofl: MORE PLEASE!

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Postby laura » Tue Oct 11, 2005 10:06 am

<span style='font-family:Times'> :lol: i hope to be able to update tomorow! and with underneath it all, paige dont worry its not ending for a long while yet!

*mainly cuz i cant think of a good ending!LOL* </span>

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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Tue Oct 11, 2005 2:21 pm

:yay: I never want stories to end. I need to learn to let go of these things. :lol:

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Postby laura » Wed Oct 12, 2005 8:21 am

hey, so yeah im dosed with the cold and cant take a deep breath but it hurts so this is a little long and a tad boring i think as the result *man i am the best ad for my work ever arent i???* :lol: but other than that i hope you'll like it!!! ;) :unsure:

<span style='font-family:Times'>As we approached the doorway of the harless's, I could feel the nerves growing in the pit of my stomach, I didnt want to be there, but I was and I knew I had to make the most of it...Or at the very least try not to throw up.

“Nikki? Baby how are you? Tom, please come in!!â€￾ Lynn exclaimed “Merry Christmas!!!â€￾

“Merry Christmas, thanks so much for inviting us, my dads cooking can be
a little adventurous, would you say that dad?â€￾ I looked at him smiling as
we took off our coats and stepped into the warmth of the house that was
decorated in all kinds of Christmas décor, all neatly done as not to
appear ‘tacky’ Lynn hated tacky!

“Please sit…â€￾ she motioned to her sitting room that held her husband
sitting peacefully watching the television. He and my father got talking
right away. Bank talk, sports…ahhh!

“Lynn need any help?â€￾ I offered.

“Sure do! But sweetie could you go get my son for me please, he
disappeared into his room straight after service and I haven’t seen him
since…would you?â€￾

Oh god anything but that….

“Are you sure I mean couldn’t I just baste something?â€￾ I asked hopefully.

“Nope. He’s third room to the left if he’s here at all!â€￾

Defeated I trotted on up her nicely decorated staircase. On the wall on
the way up it was aligned with pictures, of all the family. Including some
sweet ones of her son. He was a cute kid.

I knocked on the door, and since there was no answer I contemplated
going on down again. That was until I heard a mumbled sound coming
from behind it.

“Hello?â€￾ I asked peeking my head around the door.

Seeing him sitting on his bed, with earphones in his ears, singing along to
what I was guessing was meant to be Brian McKnight.

He still hadn’t opened his eyes, it seemed he like singing to that guy, and
he wasn’t half bad either.


At that his eyes flew open.

“What the f*** are you doin in my room?â€￾

“Merry Christmas to you too, ass. You mother sent me. She needs you.â€￾


“Boy are you slow? She needs your help with dinner.â€￾

I motioned to leave the room.

“What are you doing here, at my house?â€￾ he asked uneasily.

“Having dinner with y’all…â€￾ I smiled, liking that I made him nervous.

“Why? Don’t you have a family of your own?â€￾ still the cocky little bastard.

“Yeah I do, but I prefer yours, and hell with a son like you…no wonder
they need me!â€￾

“Does she know?â€￾

“Does who know what?â€￾

“That you and I had….well that weâ€￾

“Had sex?â€￾ I completed for him, as he blushed and I attempted to hide

“Yeah…â€￾ finally getting up from where he laid on the bed, I realised he
was completely unmade. His shirt was wrinkled and his hair again with the

“Not unless you told her, I mean no offence but I don’t really see that as
Christmas dinner conversation do you?â€￾

“No,â€￾ he smirked, “well ill be right down…you can go now.â€￾


“Fine…like I wanted to stay.â€￾ I shrugged off. And made my way down the
stairs again.

“He was listening too and murdering Brian McKnight….â€￾ I informed his

“So, what is this band of his up to anyway?â€￾ I asked out of nowhere.

“Well, after Christmas they’re off to Europe again and then if that all goes
well they’ll start promoting over here.â€￾ His mom announced proudly.

“Wow, it must being going well over there huh?â€￾

“Yeah, so far so good anyway.â€￾

Just at that he made his presence known. “So ma, what was it you
needed me for…â€￾

“Oh there you are, well I need you and Nikki to keep an eye on things

here until I go and collect your grandparents, ill only be a few minutes.â€￾

“Oh…ok. What is it that we gotta do?â€￾

“Just keep an eye on the turkey. Baste every few minutes and steam the
veg for me. Thanks.â€￾

As she walked out the door, I decided to avoid all eye contact with him as
I busied myself cutting and chopping. And that’s the way it stayed until he
let out a yelp.

“What is it?â€￾ I asked turning to see his hand streaming with blood.

“I…aw sh**, the knife slipped.â€￾ I didn’t think I just rushed to his side.
Wetting the nearest cloth I could see, blotting it on his cut.

“I don’t need your help. Im fine…â€￾ he protested, out of his bruised pride
more than anything.

“Yeah…I can see that, just shut up and put pressure on it will you…it’ll
stop the bleeding.â€￾
He did as I told him, and yet flinched every time I touched him.

“What is your problem…?â€￾ I finally asked sick of his behaviour.

“Nothin’. Whats yours… I mean you make this whole song and dance
about us nothing seeing each other and then you show up at my house on Christmas day, whats that about??â€￾

Ok so he had a point and I didn’t really know what to say to him.
“I don’t know…â€￾

“Great,â€￾ he rolled his eyes at me. “Look the last thing I want is for people knowing what happened with us, I mean can you see their facesâ€￾ he
added coldly, “but you were right, it shouldn’t have happened.â€￾ He
shrugged at me. “So let’s just forget about it like you said.â€￾

See that was and is my problem. I always wanted what I didn’t have. I
thought I wanted him to forget it, chalk it down to a moment of weakness.
Now I had what I wanted, I didn’t want it.

“Oh. Fine whatever.â€￾


After the knife incident I knew I had to keep my distance from him. It was
tricky since our families seemed intent on throwing us together. I mean if
it wasn’t setting the table together it was running errands- together. It
was driving us both insane.

“So listen you don’t have to do this with me I mean I can drive my
grandparents home myselfâ€￾ he motioned to the set of car keys in his hand
as we stepped out the front door. We had held up the pretence of
friendship all through dinner, smiling and inserting the right words at the
right times. Now we were alone again. It was…business as usual.



“If you don’t mind… I could use some air. I think I just need a break for the constant parent talk.â€￾ She smiled at him. He loved her smile. It made the color in her eyes appear even stronger.

“Uh its fine I guess then.â€￾

Having dropped his grandparents off, it left them alone in the car. It
wasn’t a long drive back, but he decided to take a detour.

“Justin, do you think you could leave me at home? I don’t think I can face
any more turkey. I need to lie down!â€￾ she laughed. “I mean you mom is
one mean cook, really…I mean my mother never cooks.â€￾

“Never?â€￾ he asked glancing over at her as she tied back her long blonde

“Nope. She's never home long enough I guess. And when she is…well
she's just not a mom like yours is.â€￾ She sounded sad. He didn’t exactly
know weather or not to ask her to elaborate. He decided against it. It
would more than likely just piss her off again.


As we pulled up at my place I didn’t know what came over me, maybe it
was the Christmas spirit but I didn’t exactly hate him at that second.

“Hey, you want to come in…â€￾

I knew by the look on his face he was taken aback. Can’t say I blame him.

“Well? It’s ok if you want to get back…I just – “I motioned to get out of
the car, when he switched of the engine.

I took that as a yes.

I used the back door, it wasn’t locked. Well it was Millington after all, no
one locked up around here.

“Ive never been here before…â€￾ he announced looking around.

“I know that, hey your like my mom your never here long enough…â€￾ she
laughed as she saw him inspect the childhood pictures of her. “Nice…â€￾ he
said laughing as he picked up one of her school photos of a toothless six
year old Nikki.

“Hey now…I was an adorable kid…â€￾ she said handing him a cold soda.

“Still are...â€￾ he mumbled.


“Nothin’ thanks.â€￾ he pointed to the can of fizzy pop.

“Your welcome.â€￾

They both sat on the couch that sat in the middle of her large sitting room.
She flicked on MTV and it was a Backstreet boys single getting aired.

“I don’t like them…â€￾ she stated “they're too…I don’t know, they take
themselves to serious, I like my boy bands cheesy.â€￾

Those comments made him laugh. “Well I can tell you, we are gonna be ten times as big as them in a couple of years…I swear by it!â€￾

“Ahuh…yeah ok Justin.â€￾ She rolled her eyes.

“I mean it! We’re already there in Germany. It won’t take long. All we
need is some serious hard work.â€￾ He insisted.

"yeah i can just see it now, You and Nsync - at the Grammy’s...Yeah." the
sarcasm in her tone annoyed him but the conversation was playful.

"Huh, you just wait and see girl is all am sayin'"

After that the atmosphere seemed to alter.

“Nikki, were we just having a conversation….â€￾ He laughed fidgeting with
his hat that he held on his lap.

“I don’t know…â€￾ she still faced the TV. “Maybe…â€￾

“So then why’d you stop…â€￾

Finally she faced him “I don’t know…â€￾ she reiterated.

“Well what do you know?â€￾ he pressed.

At that her head snapped towards him. “What do you mean?â€￾

“Now I don’t know…look maybe I should go?â€￾

That seemed to surprise her. “Why?â€￾

“This…â€￾ he pointed to their atmosphere “its too hard being here with you
like this, when you won’t talk…and when we can’t address what we’re not
addressing….its all way to hard.â€￾ He blurted.

“Ok, so what is it exactly that you want to address? I mean I didn’t think
you wanted to, I thought like you said- you where ashamed… what else
could you have to say about it.â€￾ As he stood in the middle of her living
room he felt very stupid. He had made this a song and dance about what
he wanted to say, but he realized he didn’t have anything to say.

“I…I well, come on…I need to know what it is that we are here… I mean
are we friends, are we not…I mean...â€￾

With that she got up standing tall beside me, again not like the other girls
I knew.

“Look I don’t want to stand here and lie to you. When you and I did it…I
was on my way to drunk, I was depressed and I just needed some…
reassurance. I guess.â€￾

“Reassurance of what?â€￾

“That I was wanted. Justin when I saw him with her. I just flew off the
handle. And you were there and you were sweet…â€￾ that maddened him

“So you’re saying that it could have been anyone that I wasn’t even a
factor at all? What the f*** is that?â€￾

“No, that’s not what im sayin’ I mean come on you had to know that I
wasn’t exactly myself. I was pissed. But the fact that I knew you were
genuine, that I liked you and I knew you fancied me anyway…â€￾ he

“But what I want to know, what did you think it meant?â€￾ she questioned
hands on hips.

How did he answer that?

“And don’t lie.â€￾ She interrupted.

Instead of answering her, he took one step forward so that he was right
up against her, so close he could feel her breath on his face. And he
kissed her, hoping she would understand what it was he wanted without
actually having to verbalize it.

I didn’t let her go until I was positive that she knew what I wanted.

And when I finally did, her face was a picture. She clearly hadn’t seen it

“Why did you just do that?â€￾

“Cuz I wanted to, that’s why.â€￾ I shrugged


“Yeah that’s why…â€￾ I determined moving away from her a little finally.

“Well. Then I do too.â€￾ Just then it was her turn to surprise me, when she
took the step forward that I took back and kissed me, hard and fast….

I genuinely hadn’t seen it coming either….

How we did it I don’t know, but we made it from her living room all the
way to her bedroom.

Our lips only parted a few times on the journey up stairs.

“Are you sure?â€￾ she asked me, and it was then I should have said no. it

would have spare so much heart ache. Then again I was seventeen, what
did I know other than a hot girl was pushing me on her bed.


At that she smiled, that wicked smile that I loved. Peeling her black silk top
over her head exposing her trim figure once again, she managed a “sureâ€￾
before she slid her hand under my t-shirt and pushed it up my body,
before yanking it over my head letting me kiss her as I took her hair out if
its clasp.

As I let her soft lips make their way down my torso, it was then I knew
there was no turning back from whatever it was we where doing. It was

too much.

“Ive wanted you for the longest time…â€￾ I found myself telling her as she
rid me the rest of my clothes.

“I know, ive seen you remember. Even when you where with Danni I

I hadn’t expected her to answer like that, I had always thought I ogled
her at a distance, clearly I had been wrong.

“Oh…â€￾ was all I managed. Noting that she hadn’t told me if she had
wanted me for the same amount of time or not.

As my mouth met her again, as we fell back on to her pink covered bed.


It was a little over an hour later when I woke up again. I really hadn’t
meant to fall asleep, but I guess after all he and I went through that
afternoon my body just gave up.

I glanced to my left; he was in the same sleepy state that I was in. still
very much as nude as I was too.

See this is why I was dumb. I had sworn that it wouldn’t happen again,
but yet it did. And again I wanted to make sure that it was the last time.

“Hey.â€￾ I heard him say again as he slowly opened his eyes when I moved
out of my tossed bed to pull back on some of my clothes that were
scattered around my room.

“Oh, hiâ€￾

I saw that awkward look in his eyes as they met mine.


“Yeah im sorry about that Justin.â€￾


“Cuz, it shouldn’t…I should have had more control, this…â€￾

“Let me guess, shouldn’t have happened right Nic?â€￾ he laughed as he got
up out of my sheets and began replacing his clothes as I had done. With
air in his attitude, was well…more than pissed off.

“Look am sorry ok? Its just you’re…the only one that I…â€￾

“what? Wanted to f***?â€￾

“NO…â€￾ I tried to defend myself. “That’s not…â€￾

“Not what?? Not right? Then what is it then huh? Look I liked you, and I
thought you liked me too….â€￾ He shoved his t- shirt over his head and
pulled on his jeans. Zipping them up.

“I do…â€￾

“Sure you do, but just for a few hours right? Then you freak…â€￾

“no, it’s just…it’s complicated.â€￾

“Sure it is, sure Nikki. Your good you know that…at lying making me feel
sh** about you when you don’t feel sh** about me…your good.â€￾ He was
bitter, no shocker. But at the same time he wasn’t being fair. He was just
flying off the handle for no reason. That pissed her off then.

“You know what, if you wanna act this way then fine – think what you
want. I don’t care, your right.â€￾

He nodded like he expected it.


“FINE!â€￾ I yelled back at him as he finished lacing up his Nikes and made
his way to the door.

“FINE, im outta here. Have a nice life baby.â€￾

And that ladies and gents is why he and I never spoke a civil word to
each other for the next seven years – pretty stupid huh.

Reflecting on all of what we did, it really made me question - could we go


Maybe, just maybe.


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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Wed Oct 12, 2005 9:36 am

Wow, they really have the back-and-forth bullsh** down pat. You want each other, so make the move, and stick with the feeling. But they were so young, and you know how fickle we are at that age. I still change my mind about stuff at least a 1,000 times a day. :lol:

Feel better, Laura. :( :hug: :kiss: Maybe some rest and hot soup will cure you. I'll send Justin right over. :lol: :D

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Postby Angelpopstar7 » Fri Oct 14, 2005 1:23 pm

Awww Laura! I'm sending some hot chicken noodle soup right your way! Feel better Mami! :hug: :blowkiss:

I love their relationship :rofl: And I just knew that Lynn ws going to have them do something together...I knew it! haha! He was right about one thing though...NYSNC being bigger than bsb :nods: And they did the deed again :ohboy: Didn't they realize from last time that things didn't work out so well between them and hey should just stick to being friends? :lol: oh man...MORE PLEASE!

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Postby laura » Wed Oct 19, 2005 9:28 am

<span style='font-family:Times'>The next morning as I woke up with her, in that crummy motel room. I knew by the pains in my back and the rest of my body that I hadn’t slept well.

At all.

She on the other hand was still asleep. This time she was facing me. Her hair
was all tossed and her tank strap at her arm instead of her shoulder.

She looked adorable.

I decided on some breakfast. And fitting with my “im sorryâ€￾ to her, I figured
on getting her something too.

I knew I had at least another two days with just her company. And I also
knew that I needed to make peace with her. I needed to. Because after
seven years of hating her, simply because she rejected me. I had to let it go.

Getting back to both the motel and her, about twenty minutes later armed
with breakfast that consisted of two black coffees and two bacon toasties. I
hoped she still liked real food, and hadn’t done what most girls I knew

where doing. Starving themselves and then throwing up whatever they did manage to consume. With her figure it would have been an easy thing to


But when I got back to the small room I found her, ass in the air rooting
through one of her suitcases, in nothing but her underwear.

Needless to say that it was a sight I enjoyed. For memorial value if nothing

Sure we hated each other, but those two times I had her, still to this day I had yet to find someone who matched it the way she did… and given my
record you know that’s a tough thing to say.

“Um, Nikki?â€￾ I announced my arrival.

“sh**…â€￾ she got up and began covering herself. Why I had no clue, it wasn’t

like I hadn’t already seen all she had to offer?

“Could you turn please?â€￾ she shouted, as I realised I was in a kind of
perverted trance.

“Im sorry, how was I supposed to know you’d be half nekkid...?â€￾ I used my
Memphis accent to full effect.

“You knock…â€￾ she stated, before telling me it was ok to turn again.

“Here…â€￾ I handed her the second coffee and wrapped sandwich “Breakfast.
I figured you’d be hungry.â€￾

She looked at it and me funny. “What?â€￾

“Nothing, its just…you didn’t poison this did you…â€￾ did I laugh or was she
serious. I hadn’t been that terrible to her had I?

oh who was I kidding of course I had. But that’s the thing about the male
ego, she bruised it bad. I mean after her I basically hated all women for like
a year and a half.

“No, but your welcome.â€￾ I added before moving back to the bed to enjoy my

A few seconds later she joined me.

“Did you call Trace? Did he say when you could have your cards back?â€￾ she
asked taking a big bite bring up the subject that was important since I had
yet to pay her for her organisation skill over the past week.

“Yeah and no. They're a few towns over…so we may catch up with them,
hopefully right?â€￾ I laughed thinking she wanted rid.

“Well…â€￾ she rolled her eyes. “ I guess you have some good points…â€￾ she
lifted her coffee, “and thank you… I needed this; I hate strange beds I can
never sleep.â€￾

“Eh, I can sleep anywhere…â€￾ it was true, when on tour I can sleep just
about on any flat surface. Of course that would explain my back pains.

She just nodded. It was odd; we hadn’t talked like this in…well a really long
ass time.

“So…â€￾ she mused. “When do you think we should get moving? I mean if we
wanna meet with Trace and your girlfriend and all?â€￾

“She's not…â€￾ I corrected myself. “Um…soon I guessâ€￾ she nodded again and
slipped off the bed and fixed her things back into her suitcase. After that she
didn’t say much until we got to the car.

“So whats the deal with you and that girl any way didn’t I see her as
playmate of the year this past year?â€￾

I smirked at that. It was true, these days that was the main attraction a nice
ass and a white pair of bunny ears. I had all but given up on that allusive
commodity that was a “connectionâ€￾ with a woman. Playmates did just that,
they played. And that’s all I required.

“Yeah she is, she's fun.â€￾

“Clearly…â€￾ she stated turning her attention to the scenery we pasted as we

I noted the sarcasm in her tone, I didn’t like it.â€￾ And just what the hell is
that supposed to mean Nikki?â€￾

“Nothin’ its just that’s all you seem to be about these days J is fun…women,
drink – drugs…â€￾she trailed off. Instantly bringing back the memory of that
night we met up in New York. That ultimately led her back into my life again.

NEW YORK: Three months earlier.

It was after midnight on that fateful Friday night, my partying in New York had over the years become legendary – at least among my circle of so called friends. It basically involved that immortal phrase of sex drugs and rock and roll. We had enter the studio 54 a few hours before, since its remodel and reopening it was cooler than cool again, and still known for its hardcore partiers.

Having drunk my way through several bottles of JD and at that stage done at least three lines of coke, I was feelin ok with the several hangers on that where at that very moment sucking my credit cards dry with the rounds of alcohol that was being delivered. Sure I had taken some turns in my life. I mean after three albums solo and a come back planned for the band I was under a sh** load of pressure to keep up with the golden image I had spent my life building.

The night that we had chosen to party just happened to be one of the nights that there was another highly anticipated birthday party of one Miss
Paris Hilton.

I ignored the ho for as much as possible, well I happened to do that to the
women I had sexified and ran from…

Well what can I say; she wanted more than I was willing to give. That and
her voice scratched through me like her fake nails on a chalk board. So I just
hung out with my friends and their hoe’s…that was until she found me,

“Hey, Justin…â€￾

“Paris…Happy birthday girl, sorry I didn’t bring a gift...â€￾ I smiled annoyed that I had let myself get caught so effortlessly.

“Oh, that’s no problem…im sure you could find something to give me a little
laterâ€￾ she winked.


“Um, yeah…â€￾ I took a big drink of my JD straight up again avoiding her gaze.

“So what do you think of my party?â€￾ she switched her annoying eye contact
to the rest of the private suites that where joined together- that like I said I
had in my high state stumbled into.

“It’s…Bright?â€￾ I noted the pink, everywhere.
“Yeah man, I had this killer hostess she recommended the decoratorâ€￾

You know I had no interest what so ever in that right…

“Like, oh…Here she is now. Nikki...â€￾ I heard her call to some poor b****
behind me.

That’s when I heard her voice, causing me to choke on my drink as her ass
came into view.

“Paris is there a problem sweetie?â€￾

“No, no duh everything is like so perfect, I just wanted you to meet my…
friend Justin, meet the hostess with the most-est Nikki Johnson.â€￾ I almost
fainted, but again that may have been drug induced.

The look in her eyes when she laid them on me was in one term- disbelief.


“You know each other?â€￾ Paris inserted

“Um, something like that…â€￾ I answered her still not breaking eye contact
with the new arrival.


“Justin, how are you…are you enjoying the party?â€￾

Her tone told me that she didn’t exactly love the idea of her employer
knowing our past.

“Yeah, yeah I am…â€￾ I felt light headed. My stomach sick…I knew I wasn’t
looking my best, I was beginning to sweat, weird thing was. It had nothing
to do with her. I knew the addition of that X pill and the coke wasn’t a good

“Will you both excuse me?â€￾

I made my dash for the nearest bathroom, I needed to throw up I needed
water- the thirst that came on me was unreal…


I remembered that night in New York like it was yesterday. Seeing him like
that, so unaware of what was happening to him. I knew by his eyes, his
stance his slur that he had OD’d and as I watched him dash I knew he knew
it too.

What did I do, I knew him…I knew what he was going through since I had
done my fair share of drugs myself – OD’d more than once. Luckily I had, had
someone with me. Partners in crime so to speak. He obviously hadn’t.

“Paris. Excuse me…â€￾ I hastened towards the bathrooms.

As I entered the private bathrooms on the third floor. He was alone. Bent
over the sink- trying as it seemed to throw up, the sweat that has began as
we chatted was now spilling from his head and his hands…

“Justin, we need to get you to a doctorâ€￾ I started as I made my way to him
acting as if we had only been apart for seven minutes, not seven years.

“Get the f*** out woman, im fine…â€￾ He ignored me, his eyes I saw where

blood shot and watering.
“No listen to me damn it…â€￾ I move to see his pupils, dilated like I knew they
would be. “sh**â€￾

Looking at him I saw he was getting worse.

“Hospital now…â€￾ I demanded. As he slouched over the sink again. So much
for the pleasantries huh.

“No, I can’t…â€￾ he coughed “do you know what this would do if the press got
wind of it, my career would be dead in seconds…â€￾

I understood that.

“You’ll be dead if you don’t get your stomach pumped, Justin its taking a toll…
please I know we haven’t seen or spoken to each other in quiet a while now
but this is what you need.â€￾

Finally he stood up again. “No what I need is to get out of here, do you
know a way that I wont be seen?â€￾ the look over all in his whole body told
me he was scared to death.


“Nikki, I know a lot of sh** has gone down with us but I need you now – just
this once.â€￾ The colour drained from his face, I knew I had to put aside all my
ill feelings for him at that second. “Yeah there is a way, just give me a few
minutes….don’t move.â€￾ She warned me as she dashed out of the black and
white bathrooms.

I couldn’t take it, the severe pain that was pulsing through my body at that
time…my head, spinning my heart pounding so loud it almost hurt. I never in
my life felt so powerless. And who was the one person helping? Oh yeah it
just had to be her didn’t it.

In what seemed to be forever, but what I knew had more than likely been a
few minutes

She came back, her coat on and keys in her hand.

“Come with me, my cars in the VIP lot. If we go now…well ive sent a decoy to
the paparazzi so?â€￾ She stood her hand on her hips; her hair was in a high
quif and pony tail. Her eyes dark and her lips red. Still in my pathetic state I
noticed how amazing she looked. Even better than I remembered.

She led me out of the crowded club, and by some miracle got us past the
pap’s with out them even clueing on as to who was in the car with her well I
guess that’s what happens when you send and equally coked up Tara Reid
out to “waitâ€￾ in front of the photographers. I had to say the girl could think
on her feet.

“Where are you staying….â€￾ She glanced to me as I sat in the passenger side
of her midnight black Mercedes.

“Trump â€￾ was all I said.

She just nodded, and giving her dues got us there in a flash.

When we entered through the private enterance she helped me move
quickly to the elevator that led us o my private floor.

She moved me to the bathroom. At that stage I was near unconscious “I
need you to throw up, as much as you can. I need you to do it.â€￾

“No, I cant no more…â€￾ I pleaded.

“No…â€￾ she grabbed my head “ Do it, stick your fingers down your throat if
you have to…we need to get this sh** out of your system…what did you mix.â€￾

“What makes you think I mixed?â€￾


“Coke and X and some JD…â€￾ I said causing her to roll her eyes, and hand
me a glass of some sh** she found in the kitchen area

"You sure thats it??"

"I am...." That night anyway.

“Throw up,â€￾ she ordered. And I obeyed. For once.


After that I knew that, that f*** up had to be my last. The feeling going
through me at that club – I knew. I hate to admit it but with out Nikki I could
well have been dead. I was going to try my best to stop, I had to - didnt I?

I didn’t want to talk about it, but when I came from my shower that she
again made me take after she MADE me throw my guts up till there was
nothing left. My head was light my body was a ton weight. I knew id be
feeling this for a few days to come.

She didn’t bring it up; she just glanced at me as she began putting on her
coat. The air was thick, like she wanted to say something but didn’t. I
understood it and I appreciated that she didn’t rub my screw up in my face
like I know she could have. I wanted to thank her. But we hadn’t spoken in

so long, the last time we did – things didn’t exactly turn out on the good side
of wonderful.

“Well, I gotta be going…you good now?â€￾ she motioned to the door.
“I am…â€￾ I nodded sipping the large glass of iced water she insisted that I


She smiled a smile I hadn’t seen in seven years, and one I realised right
away that I missed.

It still didn’t make me trust her. She had promised not to tell my mother- a
person I knew she was still tight with. I knew it because she was all my
mother could talk about.

If she found out, she’d freak out- and that was one thing I was never going
to be prepared for.

No way.

“Just keep hydrating ok you’ll need it! See ya J.â€￾

“Yeah Nikki see ya…â€￾ that was their usual goodbye. Only this time he felt it
wouldnt be so long.

:ph34r: </span>

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Postby laura » Wed Oct 19, 2005 9:58 am

<span style='font-family:Times'>
Double update, cause im awesome- aint i??? that and i dont know when ill get to update again, hopefully something will strike in the next few days that will help with this and Underneath it all....Yes paige i havent forgotten! LOL!

Over the next three days I thought about her constantly, you know while I lied to all my family as to why I was throwing up, looking pale and being a grumpy bastard. Well what could I say?

The effects took a little longer to wear off on me that I first thought. I had put my body though some serious sh** in the months prior to my little incident. I knew it would take a while. I expected it.

What I didn’t expect was to be visited by my mother that day. It wasn’t a typical visit either, she was asking all kinds of questions…which in my
complete paranoid state made me believe that she had told her.

When she hadn’t, therefore I rat-ed myself out to her. That in turn made her
call Nikki insisting that she come over.

“Lynn what is this you said there was something wrong…â€￾

“Oh there is young lady…why in the hell didn’t you tell me what happened to
him!â€￾ she pointed at me as she took another drag of her cigarette.

“oh, well I didn’t think it was my place…sorry.â€￾ Well she was right it wasn’t,
it was mine…

“He OD’d and no one thought to tell me, his own mother! For god’s sakes!â€￾

“Ma, its ok…Im okay aren’t I Nic?â€￾ I motioned to her, I needed to calm my
mother down and this was the only way I could think off.

“Uh yes…â€￾ not believable enough.

“I can’t believe you lied to me Justin…I just can’t believe it!â€￾

I wanted the ground to swallow me up at that point.

“Lynn, he is ok now… I mean I was worried. But he is ok…and he's done with all that sh**. Right J?â€￾

“Ahuh yes.â€￾ Now I wasn’t the convincing one.

“Are you sure?â€￾ Nikki began.


“Are you sure you’re finished with it all?â€￾

“Of course don’t be stupid…after that do you really think id go back?â€￾ I
squared up to her.

She may have helped me but I didn’t owe her sh**, and I
especially didn’t need her mouthing off to me the way she was.

“really?â€￾ she put her hands on her hips and stood up to me, not something
that was common these days- mainly women just did what I wanted when I
wanted, no questions. She was different for sure.

“Yes really…â€￾

“that’s interesting, since I know your dealer and he informed me of a
request you made to him yesterday “an eight ball of the usual sh**.â€￾ And

thats a direct quote.â€￾

I saw the look of dismay and shame in my mothers eyes; I wanted to deck
the b**** of outing me like that.

“Justin is that true?â€￾ I heard my mother all but sob.

I didn’t have an answer. What was it that I said to disprove this – the truth?

“It is…but…â€￾ she walked out of the room. Leaving me looking at Nikki.

“how could you do that…â€￾

“Same way you could…except with your need to drug up, I need your
mother to know the truth so you can get some serious f***ing help. You
need it dude!â€￾

“What the f*** would you know huh? You a’int no angel yourself… I mean
the other night, you practically knew – play by play what was happening
with me…personal experience perhaps?â€￾


“really? So then why don’t I call up your mother and out you like you just did
to me?â€￾

“Go ahead,â€￾ she smirked “she wont give a sh**…ive done it all baby – trust in
that. But im done, no bullsh**. I see you and I see that this isn’t for you…you
just need to see it too!â€￾

What in the f*** was she getting at?


“Rehab…for you im guessing is the only place…â€￾

“f*** you…I don’t need that sh**.â€￾

“So, what your gonna sit around here a place filled with “yes menâ€￾ and let
them feed you on this sh** till your so out of it you’ll be useless…you wanna
do that fine.

But dude think of your mother, think of it and tell me is that kind
of humiliation one you want her living with? If its not…take thisâ€￾ she handed

me some leaflet sh** on how to love yourself enough to let others help. It

listed some place in Arizona some "meadows" sh**.

“If you want, I can arrange it so no one, and I mean NO ONE knows your there…it’s your choice.â€￾

“And how exactly could you arrange it? You’re just a party planner a’int


“I would expect you to understand, but no im not just a party planner you sarcastic sh**â€￾ she turned her eyes up at me.

I think I may have hurt her or

whatever; I didn’t really care at that point.

“Look do what you want but your mom has my number if you come to your
senses.â€￾ With that she just grabbed whatever sh** she was holding when
she came in and she was out the door again. I still remember the total
feeling of both emptiness and shame that I felt that day. It wasn’t something I ever wanted to feel again.

(Present Day)

On the road again a half hour later, we had adopted a more civil approach to

the whole “I hate you thingâ€￾- we were actually talking. Not much in the lines
of deep conversation but anything was better than silence.

And if I was honest, I was thankful.

“So…you seeing anyone?â€￾ I asked her, not really sure where I got it from.

“Uh, yeah well I don’t really know if it’s “seeingâ€￾ but I am in the middle of

“you think it might lead to “seeingâ€￾ some time.â€￾ I asked again trying to hold
on to whatever small conversation we we’re having. And I was interested. I
knew very little about her life. She knew almost everything about mine. You
can thank my mother for that.

“I don’t know. He asked me out I said maybe, that led to a yes…We had dinner…honestly I don’t really know if I want it to be anything.â€￾

“I hear you…relationships are hard. That’s why ive been avoiding them
recently. No ties.â€￾

She nodded and offered me one of her “Reese’s Buttercupsâ€￾ which I gladly
“So the bunny a’int a relationship…now that I never saw coming.â€￾ I had to

think but if I didn’t know better id think she was teasing me.

“No she's not…and she knows it too thank you very much. What I had with
her…it was…whatever, but nothing’ I was invested in long termâ€￾

With that she looked at me “Had?â€￾

“She’s going to Miami and I don’t think she’ll be coming back. Some
modelling thing she's after so I let her loose…thank god.â€￾ I rolled my eyes
thinking about how she cried. I hated it when I made women cry. Always
had done.


“Yeah so it’s just me, which im guessin is why Trace did this to us.â€￾

“What do you mean?â€￾

“I mean…he’s an ass for this. But he likes you…likes me. I think he senses
the anger between us and did the only think he could think of to get us
alone and “addressâ€￾ it or what the hell ever.â€￾

She didn’t say anything at that. She just looked back out the window.


“What?â€￾ she answered but still didn’t look at me.

“I think we should…â€￾

“Should what?â€￾

“Address this…thing with us.â€￾

“There is no “thingâ€￾ never was…you know that. So what ever he was tryin’-â€￾

“He was trying to help. And there was a thing and you know it!â€￾

“We screwed, so what?â€￾
“Why do you have to be so damn sarcastic the entire damn time girl…â€￾

“It’s a gift what can I say…â€￾ she pouted.

“I mean that since then, we hadn’t talked…anything.â€￾
She shrugged “it wasn’t my choice; I wasn’t the one that took it all to heart
and decided to pout for seven yearsâ€￾

“Yeah that’s what I thought…â€￾ I smirked hoping she’d ask, and I knew her
so I knew she would.


“I knew you were in denial but Jesus woman I had hoped we had matured
enough to just be normal…â€￾

“Is this one of your steps Justin? Because if it is just say we’ve moved past it
please.â€￾ b**** knew too much about me, yeah it was one of my steps. The
steps that I was required to take…from the rehab that I was coerced into.

Three months before:

I watched him pack his bags, having let only one person know where he was
actually going. Since the place that he was headed was the same place I
used to get clean he ordered me to be the one to take him there. Or at the very least come with him.

So I did.

Arizona, it was hot as hell and I hated it. But as I watched the boy I knew shiver into the man before me. I knew I was there for a reason. I wasn’t stupid.

I was extremely connected in the business. I was the confidant and confessional of many a starlet and his exploits – as kept as they were from the press the circle of holly-weird wasn’t so quiet among the “In-crowdâ€￾ and
everything and everyone he had done. I had somehow found out about it.

It wasn’t like I kept tags. I was way to busy for that. It was after all not just
my job to throw and host the best must see parties it was also my job to keep whatever sh** that went on there quiet. And that I tell you was no easy

task. I honestly still didn’t know exactly what the title of my job was. I did so
much that it was difficult to categorize it! But I knew my job with him then. It
was to make sure he got signed in, and to make sure he stayed there. I knew the one person he told and she couldn’t face it. Well could your mother face taking you to rehab? I didn’t think so.

As we approached the door of the extensive centre in the back end of
nowhere land he looked nervous.

“They aren’t gonna make me sit around in a circle and talk about myself are
they?â€￾ he asked. The first of several questions as to what was expected of

“They will, but hey from what ive heard Kate Moss is here as is Ben Affleck so
if nothing else you have a mix of crap to listen too before you take your go…â€￾ at that he just rolled his baby blues at me. The eyes that I knew to hold so
much hope and love. Now all they held was a darkness that I knew only too

“You will be ok if you work this you know…and as long as you accept that
caffeine with be your new drug. Its all you’re allowed.â€￾ I saw the nurses, I

saw the doctors with him. All of which he ignored. He still- like all of them
acted like he didn’t need to be there. But the sweating and the shakes
proved otherwise. He may not have been a full fledged junkie but he was
damn close.

Once the room he was allocated was empty I still hadn’t said anything to
him, nor him to me.

“First group is in half an hour…they'll call you for it and its best you go now.

Saves you thinking about it…â€￾ I offered.

“You know I bet your loving this Nikki.â€￾

“No im not actually…not at all.â€￾

“Why, isn’t this what you thought of me all along…washed out useless…â€￾

“Never, believe it or not…â€￾

“you know I don’t NEED to be here…Im not a junkie.â€￾ He shrugged again
like a six year old.

“Look im not keeping you here…if you don’t think you need to be here then I
have the car. Ill take you back.â€￾

He was silent still so I continued. “Back to your mother, you wanna tell her
that you don’t need to be here. That you’re grand a week on coke isn’t a big
deal. Be my guest. But I know you better than you think and I know you love
her more than that. And she deserves better from her son don’t you think?â€￾

“Yesâ€￾ was all he said. Finally turning to me. “You should go…like you said I
need this, alone. So... Just goâ€￾ I wanted to say something. Even though it
was against my judgment to do it. I mean we weren’t friends we were
nothing. And yet he asked me to be the one to take him there, and no
matter what he said I knew he had to be scared.

“Well….â€￾ I struggled “good luckâ€￾

“Yeah, ill need it.â€￾

And that was it. I didn’t see him until that day I walked into his house in
Memphis. The day the trip began. I had been in LA for the three months
before coming out to my home town. I was living there with his mother. She
was a basic recluse during that time that he was gone. And since she and I
had always been close she asked me to stay – so I did and I worked out of
LA for those three months.

It honestly broke her heart to be with out him, he

was so much of her life and I saw it just then. When he came back though
he was detached. Bitter, and callous. I guess that’s what detox did to his

He was cold with her of all people and that I knew again killed her inside.
But I still never brought it up knowing only too well that it just wasn’t my

I had noticed her; she had been quiet for most of that morning. I didn’t know

why but then again with her these days I was used to the silence.



“Im…well I just I need you to know.â€￾ I was struggling with it, being the b****
that I was I wasn’t surprised.

“Spit it out man…â€￾ she faced me finally.

“IM SORRY OK!!!â€￾ I yelled.

“For what?â€￾

“For real this time ok and Im not just doin this sh** because it’s one of my
steps girl, I want to apologize to you for the way I acted.â€￾
She looked stunned. Couldn’t say I blamed her really?
“Oh...Well that’s…that’s cool then?â€￾ she shrugged. Damn it took all I had to
say that to her And all it was cool?

“I guess im sorry too.â€￾

“You guess?â€￾ what?

“Well I am sorry, what we did then was more me than you in the beginning
and the way I acted with you after…after we…you know? And well I was a
b**** to you and I am sorry for that.â€￾ She seemed for the first time in a long time. Genuine. Then again I couldn’t exactly say that was an emotion I was
overly familiar with. Still it was refreshing. Nicely so from her at least.

I smiled at her, wondering if she really knew just how sorry I was. We

shouldn’t have slept together that much I knew, even at seventeen. She was vulnerable and depressed and I was just as lonely but on a more self
inflicted scale. I knew then it was wrong. Sure it felt amazing and what
seventeen year old thinks straight when sex is offered up like…Can you
name me one? Didn’t think so.

But I knew it now. And I honestly think she did too.

“So, um with this whole theme in the conversation…what do you say if I
suggested a start over? Ive been doing that a lot lately and I think this is
one case where I need it.â€￾ It took a lot of balls to say what I said to her. And I finally got a smile.

“I think for once… in possibly your whole life your right…but if we do this now
are you just gonna turn into that nasty a**hole ive gotten to see this past few days?â€￾

“No. and I mean that. I guess I was just being that way with you because I
was being defensive about what happened in New York and I didn’t really
want to face the fact which of course was stupid since I spent three months

in therapy talking about all that sh**…â€￾ I rolled my eyes thinking about it.

“Well whatever sh** it was, it worked. Clearly.â€￾
“I hope so…â€￾ we had been on the road again for about an hour and a half. It
was just after 11:30.

“Justin I have to pee so if you see any road stops…it would be good.â€￾ I
noted her empty big gulp – not surprised she had to go. So I eye browed

“What? I was thirsty so, on the navi is there anywhere?â€￾ she pointed to the

navigational system on the dash. I didn’t see anywhere for at least another

twenty minutes.

“I think if you can wait there’s one in about…ten maybe twenty minutes…â€￾
she grimaced “so it’s a bush then?â€￾

“I can’t pee in the woods dude that’s not right, im a grown woman.â€￾

“So you gonna hold it?â€￾ I knew by the funny way she was sitting that she

“No…pull over.â€￾ She groaned.

I did so, at the nearest exit that led into what I saw to be an abandoned
section of woods. Much like all we passed in that hour. The roads were quite
and isolated. Like something out of a horror movie really.

“Well.â€￾ I motioned to her as she stalled at the bonnet of the car.

“I can’t. I don’t want to go in there alone.â€￾

What was she five?

“Nikki come on…im right here. It’s ok?â€￾

“See that’s what all those dudes say in those films right before the girl gets
eviserated or somethingâ€￾ she danced like she really, really had to go.

“Come on Justin please…I don’t you don’t want be killed. I mean who will
help you organize the hoopla if im dead…â€￾ with that I switched off the
engine and got out, being sure to lock up before I followed her into the

“Watch your step…I think there is a hole…â€￾ she said dodging a dent in the
path. Then she stopped.

“Ok…can you go now?â€￾ I asked as she looked around.

“Fine. Stay here and look at the car please.â€￾

“But what if some killer picks at you?â€￾ I laughed as she scooted behind a
huge oak tree and I looked at the car like she said.

I waited a minute or so and then I heard her footsteps padding back. “Okâ€￾
she began “Im done…lets goâ€￾
“Wait…now I have to go…â€￾ I said feeling that I had to.

“What? Oh come on.â€￾ she persisted.
“Hey now I came in here and waited on you…â€￾ she relented as I guilted her
with the look.

“Fine…â€￾ she said as she pottered around a different area from where I stood
to do my thing.


“What?â€￾ I lost concentration.

“You realize we’re peeing in the woods. I mean you’re a multimillionaire and
I... Well I earn enough…and dude we’re PEEIN’ in the woods. Isn’t it sad?â€￾

“Its unusual ill give you that but hey when nature calls why not answer in
her garden.â€￾ I laughed as I finished and I walked with her to the car.

“Yeah…funny. So where too now?â€￾ she asked as we set off again.

“I don’t know Trace hasn’t called so I don’t even know where they are right

“Well why don’t I find out.â€￾ She boldly reached for my cell that laid in the middle of the car.

“what are you doin’?â€￾ I smiled at her and the look of determination on her
face. I liked that we we’re being civilized with each other now it made the
time in the car go quicker and I was beginning to remember what it was –
other than her looks that attracted me to her in the first place. She was

funny, and incredibly smart. Somewhere in all the resentment id forgotten that.

But I was being reminded – big time.


As I reached for his cell I scrolled for Trace’s number. When I found it I
pressed call. And I waited for the answer. All the while Justin looked at me
and smiling. Id forgotten what his smile – a genuine one looked like.

“You haven’t killed her yet have you man?â€￾ was the unthought-of answer I
got from the other end of the line.

“No actually Trace he hasn’t but thanks for the concern…â€￾ Justin then burst out laughing clearly aware of what was said.

“Listen where are you all at?â€￾
“We’re almost in Georgia by almost I mean we're driving through now.
Where are y'all?

Truth was, we weren't that far behind.

“We are actually just-â€￾ And with that Justin took the phone from my grasp.

“Actually man we’re not gonna be able to me y’all just yet…yeah I know I

drive like my dad but what can you do…right...â€￾ I saw him laugh not really sure what in the hell he was doin’. Then I saw him hang up and glance at me


“What in the hell lake?â€￾

“Well. I know…ok. But its just, im not really ready to hang with all a them
just yet…unless you want to I mean then we can catch up.â€￾ I didn’t know
why but I wanted to stay, alone with him. It had been along time since he
and I had spent any time alone being normal with one and other. It was nice and yeah maybe I wasn’t ready to let it go.

“I just thought you wanted to get your cards back…so you know you could

pay me…and get back to normal accommodations?â€￾
“I do want that. But im kinda liking this for now if you don’t mind doing it
with me…â€￾ something in his tone led me to laugh.

“Sure ill do it with you…â€￾ I replied in an equally flirtatious tone. Well hey I
gave as good as I got. And it was after all - just good innocent fun, wasn’t it?


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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Wed Oct 19, 2005 11:17 am

Peeing in the woods. They are too much. :lol: I'd hold that until I turned blue in the face. No wee wee in the woods. :rofl:

You know what ... Nikki really is a true friend. You can really see that when she helped him with the overdose and the rehab. After all that they had been through, and not speaking to one another, she still had the compassion to help him. He could've died and she recognized that she had to put all their petty fighting aside to help him, even if it were only for that night. Good girl. :thumbup:

I can't wait to see what Justin has up his sleeve. Seems like he is planning some spur of the moment thing. :thinking:

Thanks for the double update. :hug:

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Postby laura » Thu Oct 20, 2005 8:17 am

<span style='color:dodgerblue'><span style='font-family:Times'>You're welcome for the double update, now where in the hell in heather...

all i can promise is lots of :shocked: :shocked: :heartbreaker: a secret....and maybe a little :kiss2:

And that just in the next three chapters! LOL!</span></span>

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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Thu Oct 20, 2005 8:59 am

OH MY GOSH! Sounds mighty exciting. :P :D :yay:

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Postby laura » Thu Oct 20, 2005 9:12 am

<span style='font-family:Times'>tis, but maybe to you just a little obvious.... :lol: or then again maybe not...LOL!</span>

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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Thu Oct 20, 2005 9:19 am

:lol: With my brain, probably not. :lol: I'm not too swift in the thinking department.

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Postby laura » Thu Oct 20, 2005 9:24 am

<span style='color:hotpink'><span style='font-family:Times'>well...alrighty...I wont give it away but lets just say they at this stage have two days to get where they are goin'....unlike most people with them alot happens by the time they hit miami! :nana: thats ALL AM sayin'!</span></span>

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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Thu Oct 20, 2005 1:19 pm

SEX! :pray: :rofl:

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Postby laura » Fri Oct 21, 2005 11:07 am

<span style='font-family:Times'> :rolleyes: woman is that ALL you think about.... :shocked: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: may just get your wish...eventually...I think....where is heather????? :lol: </span>

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Postby ashleybull » Fri Oct 21, 2005 9:33 pm

i love this story update it is great :D

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Postby Angelpopstar7 » Mon Oct 24, 2005 1:37 am

Oh boy I have a lot to read don't I? :lol: I'll start reading tonight and finish tomorrow I promise.

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Postby laura » Mon Oct 24, 2005 9:06 am

<span style='font-family:Times'>yes you do lady! Naw only joking...take your time i know your busy!</span>

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Postby Angelpopstar7 » Mon Oct 24, 2005 2:58 pm

I finished :yay:

Justin man you need to be thanking Nikki...she saved your @ss from dying! Everyone knows that you don't mix coke, X and JD together....what were you thinking? At least you had Nikki there to save ya...and she helped him get into rehab and everything. The girl may claim that she hated Justin but I really don't think she did. I think deep down she really still had feelings for the guy.

I wonder how the rest of the trip is going to go....knowing Justin he'll be doing something crazy as usual...but he can't really do too much when he doesn't have his credit cards now can he? :lol: MORE PLEASE!

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Postby laura » Wed Oct 26, 2005 8:57 am

ashleybull wrote: i love this story update it is great :D

<span style='font-family:Times'>thanks!!!!!!!!!!! :D </span>

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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Wed Oct 26, 2005 9:37 am

Why is the fan fic board looking so weird. So little! On mine, there are three posts and nothing else. :lol:

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Postby laura » Wed Oct 26, 2005 9:43 am

:<span style='font-family:Times'>lol: i noticed that too, i think it goes by what was posted with in a certain time limit, and well this is it....sad huh!</span>

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Postby laura » Wed Oct 26, 2005 10:10 am

<span style='font-family:Times'>OOOH and i hope to update tomorow, i hope to *not sure* HEAR THAT HEATHER????

LOL! :D </span>

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Postby laura » Fri Oct 28, 2005 8:53 am

<span style='font-family:Times'><span style='color:hotpink'>For the rest of the day, as it stayed light we drove through various towns.

Stopping in a few shops for snacks and a few fast food places. Well,
driving…for him any way was tiring. Then again all I had to do was sit on
and enjoy the scenery. And amazingly now, the conversation.

As weird as it was that we were communicating again it was bizarre that it
wasn’t that challenging. Silly conversation was my speciality and it seemed
it was his too.

I always knew that, I always liked his sense of humour

He drowns in his dreams
An exquisite extreme I know

“So, this guy your maybe sorta seeing…what does he do exactly?â€￾

“Why’d you wanna know?â€￾

“I’-o-knowâ€￾ he shrugged innocently.

“Justin, are you interested in my love life?â€￾ I asked laughing.

“So you love him?â€￾

“God NO man, come on now I can’t be in love now…â€￾

He’s as dumb as he seems
And more heaven than a heart could hold

“Feel too young?â€￾

“Na dude, I just don’t have time. I mean after this after this shindig I have
like six birthdays parties to do, and a wedding…so im flat out busy for at
least the next six months…so whoever id meet – well he’d have to
understand that this has to be my main priority for right now…and most
men I meet just don’t get it.â€￾

“Most men are selfish….but I know where your coming from, I go through

the same thing when I date a girl, a normal girl…she just doesn’t
understand – and its not like its her fault I mean how could she…but I
agree its worth it to wait when you find the one that does “get itâ€￾ you
know. It’s a huge relief!â€￾

It was funny, with some one like him I never really thought about what he
had to consider now when he meets someone. It was interesting that we
shared something, even after all this time.

And if I try to save him
My whole world could cave in
It just ain’t right

“Is that another reason why you don’t date?â€￾

He nodded concentrating on the road as some motor bikes passed. “Its,
one of the reasons...yeah.â€￾

“And the others?â€￾ I probed causing him to laugh nervously and rub his

“I don’t know, it’s like you meet em’ and they are HOT right? And it goes
well, you like each other she's happy polite, funny….then you let your guard
down with em’ and they cut your heart out…â€￾

Wow, he wasn’t bitter at all was he?

“Well I can say that not all of us are like that…some of us aren’t even
polite!â€￾ I joked happy that id lightened his mood…

“I hear ya girl…I hear ya…â€￾ he smiled.

With each passing fleeting conversation that we drifted in and out of that
day, I fought it. I fought the urge to tell him, I knew it wasn’t the best idea
id ever let enter my mind. In fact I was sure it was one of the worst. But

then again didn’t he deserve to know? Or did I do the smart thing and

leave the recovering coke user to his blissful ignorance? That seemed like

the smart option right? I mean the past as they say was the past shouldn’t
I have just left it there?

Or did I shock him and tell him what we did ended in me doing one of the
most horrific things Ive ever experienced.

It just ain’t right

I didn’t know what was best…but I had a whole night, and day to think
about it with him right by my side.


Seeing her that day, just relaxing next to me it almost felt like old times.

You know before we literally f***ed away our friendship. After I left her
house that Christmas day, I never went back.

We avoided each other for the other two weeks that I was home and after

that I went on tour again, concentrated on my music and built the career

that I have today. I moved permanently from Memphis, to Florida and then

on to LA.

Oh when I don’t know
I don’t know what he’s after
But he’s so beautiful

I came home every now and then but I never saw her…my mom

kept talking about her though which as you can imagine made getting over

her really difficult.

But I did eventually, I mean I thought about her, and my mother still over
the years would keep me informed as to what she was at. Like she did with
her about me im not really sure why she did it…but my mother always
seemed to take an extra interest in her. I guess it was a mom thing that id
never understand.

“You know Justin you’ve been driving for a while…maybe I could take over?â€￾
she smiled shyly, I wasn’t giving in though. This Beemer cost me the sh** I
wasn’t just gonna hand it over...

“Nice try darlin’ but no! This thing is my baby and I am not parting with it for
no one! When I get tired we’ll just stop…do somethin’â€￾

“God you are so overcompensating!â€￾

“For what?â€￾

“The car man it’s like a symbol for you isn’t it! I mean I swear all you guys
are the same…its insane!â€￾

“What are you ramblin’ on about girl???â€￾

“y’allâ€￾ I liked that she still had a bit of her accent in there underneath all
that attitude “y’all think that the bigger the car the bigger the man you are!
It’s pathetic!â€￾ she was laughing so I think she was messing with me, or at

least I hoped she was.

“Hey now come on, it’s the same for women! With the makeup and the
heels and the whole power y’all have!â€￾


“Over men, you use your sexuality to get what you want and then act
offended when we call you on it! Now if that’s not pathetic I don’t know
what is!â€￾

it was playful banter with a difference, this was one topic I knew she felt
strongly about. It was brought up during my fight to have “hot
cheerleadersâ€￾ at our charity games…she was against it ‘cause it was
so “chauvinist and depraved and disgustingâ€￾ so yeah I knew we’d yell…but
it was entertaining to see her get all worked up over something like that.

And if im honest I found it insanely sexy.

“Omygod your joking right? I mean that is so not the same thing…â€￾

“How is it not?â€￾ I laughed as she turned in her seat to fully face me.

“Because, ugh look women are superior to men, that is a well known fact

and you all just cant face it so you try to over compensate for all of your

short comings by being “flashâ€￾ and pimpin’ its so sad!â€￾ she grinned self-

“Woman you are de-luded!â€￾ I pronounced for effect “my car-â€￾

“Carsâ€￾ she inserted

“Fine, cars are a symbol of nothing it’s just that I like cars…â€￾

“you like to drive around in a nice flash expensive pimped out car…
Mercedes, escalates, Porsches, I would love to see you in a tiny ford or

Acura or something!â€￾

I didn’t have an answer, she was right. Damn her.

“So what if I like nice things. I mean what kind of car do you drive?â€￾

“I live in NYC honey; it’s much easier to take a cab….â€￾ She mocked the new
yarrrk accent and I had to admit she did a good job, but it sounded so
funny I burst into laughter.

Such a beautiful disaster

“Thank you thank you, im here five nights a week…â€￾ she took a fake bow

and laughed with me.

“Dude I didn’t know I was so hilarious!â€￾

“Sorry, it’s just I think I needed to laugh. I haven’t laughed in I don’t know
how long…it’s weirdâ€￾


It was weird; I mean I knew he was uptight. I knew he was under
pressure but at the same time….not to laugh even at the stupid things. It

was a little sad.

“Well im here for all your laughing pleasure so….take advantage of meâ€￾

Oh, that came out way too wrong

He smirked. “Careful or I just might…â€￾ he winked. And if I wasn’t mistake it
caused me to blush – just a little.

And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?

“So?â€￾ I jumped hoping to steer the conversation in a different direction.


“Well…I don’t know but um…lets talk about something else.â€￾

“Like what?â€￾ he laughed.

“Something anything I don’t care….â€￾ And I didn’t, I just wanted to get rid of
that awkward feeling that had crept in again.

“Okay…you wanna hear about what we have planned down here when we
get there?â€￾

“Justin I know whats planned, I planned it!â€￾

“Naw girl I mean what WE as in me and the boys have planned….â€￾

“Oh, sure.â€￾ I wasn’t aware there were other plans to the ones I helped

“Well, we have the various parties that im sure you’ve heard about. Then
we have the one in Chris’s place, it’s just off the water in Miami. Wide
spacious and most importantly private…so yeah im looking forward to that
one…no cameras!â€￾

“What’s it for?â€￾

“Just us, getting it together again after so long…me and the boys I mean…
sure they’ll be others there you know, and you have to come…â€￾

“Oh well I was just gonna do the events and go home. I haven’t been to
NYC in months I need to get back….â€￾ He looked almost disappointed.

“Well if you could id like it if you were there…â€￾ he paused “I mean you uh…â€￾
he looked uncomfortable “you helped me do this I don’t think id would be
right without you…you know?â€￾

Or just a beautiful disaster

“Ill see what I can do.â€￾ I had no intention of staying when I first go there,
now though…it was a little different.

Since it was our last night as “poor peopleâ€￾. And I finally got paid the next
day we decided on a proper dinner. We stopped off just after seven, and
just before we reached the state line of Georgia. Needless to say we had a
nice southern cooked meal that was more than needed after the endless
supply of junk and trash food we’d consumed.

“You know ill be working off this trip in the gym for a month!â€￾ I announced
as I sipped on my second glass of wine.

“Somehow I find that very hard to believe…â€￾ he noted obviously looking me

“Well its true…so after I get to Miami im living on water…â€￾ I joked. “You
know lace it with a little vodka first of course…â€￾

“You know I never thought I took for granted what I have, what I can
afford- until I went on this trip. Man I miss my sh**….â€￾

I smiled. I did too.

“I never did remember to ask you…where are your credit cards missy….â€￾

“mine, are in dept to various department stores around NYC, that and I
didn’t bring em’ that way…less temptation…you know how we girls are
around clothes…it’s wouldn’t be healthy…and your right this trip has made
me value what I have now, a lot more.â€￾

“So we should thank trace then?â€￾

“Hell no! We should slap the lil motherf***er first…â€￾


“Yup, not too hard though we may kill him…and I don’t want to go that far.
At first!â€￾ she laughed as she took another sip of her wine. And if I wasn’t
mistaken she was getting a little tipsy.

“Right, I think it’s needed….â€￾

After a little more wine on her part we decided to go and maybe find
somewhere for the night since we’d spent three hours just chatting.

I let her chose, for the first time. The place we stayed. Now I don’t know if
it was her female charms added to the fact she was half pissed. But with

severe flirting with a bellboy at a more upscale but still not what I would

call save motel we got a booted up room, with more cheap wine thrown in!

Something that satisfied her greatly which was nice, since it held her good

His magical myth
As strong as with I believe

“See the thing isâ€￾ she laughed “with me the only addiction I suffered from
was the X and a little coke…drinking was something I never really liked…â€￾
she said as she took off her sweater to expose her white tank top.

“Really, I wasn’t sure…what my addiction was so now im staying away
from it all.â€￾ I clarified.

“Aw I seeâ€￾ she smiled turning on the TV and doing what I think was
ignoring the topic, “ooh CSI…great.â€￾

“Im gonna take a shower, if you don’t wanna first?â€￾ I offered for a change.

“Naw im good, don’t use all the water though ill go after you.â€￾

Over all I was happy with the turn we’d taken. I mean three days ago I

was convinced she’d done the worst thing to me by taking and suggesting

the rehab I hated it – clearly. But then being out and free and sober I

began to appreciate what id lost. What I was losing by pissing my life

away. And in a roundabout way it was all down to her. So yeah I took a

step and apologised. It was hard for me and my stubborn ass male pride
but I reached out with it and thankfully she reached back.

So yeah, I liked the change in me. And if I was being honest in her too.

A tragedy with
More damage than a soul should see
And do I try to change him
So hard not to blame him


I knew I shouldnt have been drinking. I hadn’t drunk any alcohol in a long
time, but yeah I knew why I was, I was hiding something from him. It was
easy once we hated each other and I never had to hold a conversation
with him.

Sadly it was different now. I liked him; I liked talking and joking
idiotically with him. Now I backed myself into a corner and in order to keep
liking what was happening I had to keep being honest.

But how did I tell him. I mean on the one hand maybe it wouldn’t affect him maybe he’d just take it in and move on…hopefully.

But on the other more realistic hand I knew what he’d been through I knew
what he still was going through, the constant battle to not give to the
temptation inside. I knew I had to be careful. One false more so soon into
his recovery and it could topple everything.

And I really didn’t want that, I didn’t want to be responsible for his downfall.

I knew I couldn’t handle it.

I knew I wouldn’t handle it….not yet.

Oh cuz I don’t know
I don’t know what he’s after
But he’s so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster

“There all finishedâ€￾ He announced some ten minutes later, bumping me

from my daze as I sat on the bed. As I looked up all I saw was him in his
boxers. And even then, in my semi drunken state I noticed how….nice he
was to look at like that….

Of course the other nights where different, I was too infuriated to ogle
then, now…well it was different.

“Ooh ok, thanks…â€￾

“You ok?â€￾ he noticed and asked softly.

“Yeah…just a little woozy from the wine I guess. Red and me don’t mix at
all. Ill be done in just a second.â€￾

“Cool…â€￾ he smiled and got into the bed. At least here it was cleaner and I
felt safer showering.

I didn’t take long; I was tired mostly from sitting and doing nothing. Which
is as you all know the worst kind of tiredness? I mean I could run six miles
and do a days work. But ask me to sit still and all I wanna do is drop.

It was weird I know.

As I exited the teeny bathroom he was just laid there watching TV, not
really doing anything. But now heres the even weirder part. I had no
trouble sharing a bed with the guy when I hated him. Now? Well I did really
so it was awkward. I so didn’t need this.

“I think grissom just go shot or something im not really sure…â€￾ he mused


“The dude…â€￾ he pointed to the TV… “I don’t really watch this so, im a little
lost with it…â€￾

“It’s a re-run that’s not grissom…â€￾ I switched of the TV and crawled into the
smallish bed.

“you tired?â€￾ I asked him, not really sure why.

“I am and im not you know. I think im just glad to be on solid ground,
driving all day sucks!â€￾ he propped his head on his hand to look over at me.

“Yeah motion sickness…I get that in planes…I hate it!â€￾

“Are you tired cause if you are ill just shut up and let you sleep.â€￾ I hated
him sweet now it made things – feelings more difficult to ignore when he
was sweet.

“Naw im good, just not sleepy…â€￾ see this is where I needed to shut up.

He looked at me, like he was looking for something in my eyes. It was
subtle but it was a definite look. Then he just sighed silently, I saw it and
heard the little breath.

And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

I didn’t know whether to speak, or move or breathe. But I knew I couldnt
do any of those things. Because the way he was looking at me.


I didn’t…couldn’t answer him. But I felt him nudge closer. But just as he got
to my lips, he stopped.

“I reallyâ€￾ closer… “Really know that I shouldn’tâ€￾ he dipped in “do this…
But…â€￾ I held my breath. “I want to…â€￾ and then he did
it. He kissed me of all things, as left field as it was; it wasn’t

something that I didn’t want. Infact it was nice, in that breathless dizzy

kind of way. So I let him do it, and I responded naturally. But that little

voice inside me just wouldn’t shut up….it just wouldn’t.

I knew I should stop it was the rational thing to do after all. I knew I had
to, tenderly of course I think I had done more than enough damage to his
male ego as it was.

“Justin…â€￾ I spoke softly hoping he’d take notice.

He’s soft to the touch
But afraid at the end he breaks
He’s never enough


“What are we doing here…?â€￾

“Well…kissing…â€￾ he moved away from me slightly “or we where…â€￾

“See that’s not good…â€￾

“It wasn’t?â€￾

And still leaves more than I can take
Oh cuz I don’t know
I don’t know what he’s after

“No, not that this, this whole thing its not…I mean come on remember the
last time you and I incorporated alcohol and kissing…its not good now is it.â€￾

He didn’t respond to me at first, he just bowed his head slightly and looked
up, with the slyest grin on his face. It was kinda sexy actually.

“Well I mean it wasn’t THAT bad now was it…last time, from what I
remember it was – fun.â€￾

He laughed, obviously opening memory lane for all. And I couldn’t help but
smile. I didn’t want to but I did.

“Justin, come on lets not go there please….â€￾


“Because, it’s…not healthy to dwell on the past now is it…and that is the

“I know, but it’s the fun kinda past that I think needs to be dwelled on….â€￾
He moved closer to me, “Don’t you think so nikki?â€￾</span>

But he’s so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster

Lyrics: kelly clarkson Beautiful distaster</span>

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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Fri Oct 28, 2005 9:03 am

Or did I shock him and tell him what we did ended in me doing one of the
most horrific things Ive ever experienced.

Oooh, oooh. I wanna know. I wanna know. That is quite the little teaser right there. I hope she tells him just so I won't be kept in suspense for too long. :lol: I have an idea, but I want to wait and see if I'm right.

I thought that they were gonna get it on. Dammit. I need that in at least every other chapter. :rofl: :rofl:

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Postby laura » Tue Nov 01, 2005 9:51 am

<span style='font-family:Times'> :lol: hey there, im speeding along with this so before i come to the bump i know is comin' im updating like the posting ho that i am....this one isnt long, but its the start...the next one i hope to have up by the end of the week all going well!
n'joy babies! :P

<span style='color:dodgerblue'><span style='font-family:Times'> What was I doing, what in the name of Jesus was I doing? He was there right in front of me. His curls all wet and cute, smelling way too good for any straight man! You can see my dilemma.

“No I think we really shouldn’t…dwell, dwelling is bad – very bad.â€￾ I did what

I could; I got up off the bed.

He looked at me funny, I didn’t blame him. “I think I need the bathroom.â€￾ I
made up and shot in the door.

Sure I didn’t know what I was doing coming on to her like that, it was really
the furtherest thing from my mind.

Well ok not furtherest, but I didn’t actually think id do it! Id kissed her, and I
can tell you – it was better than I remembered. But then again she was now
hiding in the bathroom somewhere I was guessing she still felt better.

Ok so I was stupid to think that we could suddenly just get along and I
didn’t have an agenda. It was me after all, and I always had an agenda –
even like in this instance when I didn’t even know I had one.

I didn’t want to mess with her, I mean after all this time I wasn’t even sure
about her. Was she attracted to me, did she trust me enough to let me be
me with her? Did I trust myself with her?

Exiting rehab and embarking on an album and a tour was going to be
pressure enough, but trying to do something genuine and maybe make up
for the past with her- it was gonna be tough!

Then again I had kissed her once and she was freaking, what even made me
think she wanted anything to do with me?

Well I was going to get to the point.

“Nikki are you ok?â€￾ I called through the door

“I am, ill be out now….â€￾ She trailed off. And I heard the door open.

“Sorry about that…â€￾

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself

“its alright, well im tired from all the driving and we’ve a big day tomorrow….if
we leave at 9 we’d get there by 7 I think…the first meeting is at 10.â€￾

“Meeting?â€￾ she queried as she slipped in beside me in her green snoopy
shorts and top.

“Well that’s joeys spin on it…it’s a party but I don’t really think ill stay very
“Oh why?â€￾

“It’s not as much fun if I can’t really drink…or anything.â€￾ I think she knew
what I meant.

“I know what you mean, it’s a reason why I plan the parties and try not to
attend them…what I plan I find boring!â€￾ she reached up and switched off the
light. Leaving only the streetlamps glare shining through the window to
illuminate the room.

She was silent for a while; I almost thought she’d gone to sleep.


“Humm?â€￾ I answered not opening my eyes.

“Sorry I freaked out just now…it’s just that I don’t know what to do.â€￾

“You don’t know how to kiss?â€￾ I smirked earning a smack on the shoulder.

“No, I mean its not that I didn’t want to kiss you I didâ€￾ she rambled “but I
mean its weird right? It is weird isn’t it?â€￾

Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

“I don’t know is it?â€￾

She didn’t answer, she just sighed.

“Nikki? I don’t think there is anything necessarily “wrongâ€￾ with what I did…
but ill tell you it was nice.â€￾

“Nice? Just NICE?â€￾ she almost yelled. I guess she wasn’t happy with that

She reached up and turned on the light again. Looking then straight at me.

“Nice?â€￾ she questioned again.

“Yes, what did you want me to say you pulled away before things got

good…?â€￾ I smirked knowing I was winding her up, and in all honesty I was
liking it.

“Ive been told many things by many people about my kissing but NICE?
Was never one….â€￾

“Many people? Yo, ho…â€￾ I sang…

“I am not a HO! Im just a serial kisser is all…â€￾ she pouted.

“Yeah…â€￾ I teased “I don’t think so, if you were im hoping you’d be better
than you were.â€￾

Her eyes widened and I knew I had her where I wanted her. She just sat up
towards me, enraged I thought. And just kissed me, if I wasn’t so shocked I
would have laughed.

She didn’t hold out on me, she gave it her all…and yeah maybe she was a
serial kisser after all ‘cause I can tell ya – that sh** was intense.

But as soon as it began she stopped and looked at me.

“You totally tricked me into doing that…â€￾ she said still her face just inches
from mine.

“I did?â€￾

“Yes you did…â€￾ she looked from my eyes to my mouth and I swear I couldn’t
breathe with anticipation “Nikki?â€￾

She smiled focusing on my eyes again “your eyes have a little green in
them…â€￾ she all but whispered before kissing me into a coma again.

Ok so I knew what I was doing, I was kissing…No scratch that I was full on
his hands all over me making out with him. Dangerous? Yes…exciting? Yes…
was I willing to stop? Ehh...No.

So now you definitely see my problem.

It would have been so easy at that point to let him just take over like I knew
he wanted to.

But I also knew that I shouldn’t…No I couldn’t let that happen I was still
holding back from him in a way that I swore I wouldn’t again.


Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you

“Yeah…â€￾ he parted with me then joined again before I had a chance to

“I…we have to…I meanâ€￾

“You wanna stop right?â€￾ he pulled away further this time and almost smiled at me.

“look its not that I don’t want to do this…its just we shouldn’t.â€￾

“I know that…we never should have But we did so I don’t mind stopping
now…if you really don’t want to.â€￾

I was racking my brains, did I or didn’t I…. NO I didn’t!â€￾

“Yes, no we have to.â€￾ I rambled.

“Yes you want to or no you don’t???â€￾ he smiled, pulling my hair from my face

“I want to but….â€￾
“We cant…â€￾ he relented falling down again to where he laid.

“No we can’t…Im sorry Justin…its just things are so f***ed up because of

He looked at me waiting till I looked at him.

“What do you mean?â€￾


“Look can we please just not talk and just go to sleep…Im tired and as you
said we have a really long day tomorrowâ€￾ I tried to downplay my emotional-
ness to him and laid down.

“No Nikki what do you mean, how did you screw things up?â€￾
“Its nothing ok, just try and sleep…â€￾ I ignored the heat from what I guess to

be his stare at the back of my head.


“What??â€￾ he put his hand on my shoulder and pulled me to look at him.

“Tell me…â€￾ he whispered, with eyes so pleading I wanted to cry.

“I cant ok? Not now not when things are going so good for us…we’re talking
again and I don’t want that to stop…so no I just can’t tell you….â€￾

Of course that made him insists even more. “I won’t hate you for telling me
the truth…â€￾

“No, but you might get pretty close….â€￾ I turned around again and made sure
not to listen to anymore of his questions, eventually he gave up. Leaving me
to grind my mind over what I did….what I was going to do.

The next morning after much evasiveness on her part we hit the road early
and got through three towns by one. Which was a record for us? Since it
usually took my slow driving ass at least twice that. The last thing I needed was a traffic violation, mainly Cuz I had hundreds of unpaid tickets that I
knew I had…somewhere –but that I just couldn’t find. It was one of those
clearouts that I made whilst high, so it’s hardly surprising that I don’t

In fact I think there is most of 2004 that’s a straight up blur, not that I did
anything that interesting then anyway…I think.

The roads where surprisingly fast moving for that time in July, I was
expecting a much bigger cue in the more populated towns, beach season
had hit….but everyone much have already been there since the traffic wasn’t
that bad…

I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I knew she was holding back on me, since the kiss and the revelation that
she was “hidingâ€￾ something from me came to light she had been distant,
quiet and reserved. It was like it was the first day – except with much less

“Hey Nic?â€￾

“Humm.â€￾ she responded but didn’t look up from her magazine.

“You wanna drive?â€￾

Lame peace offering I know, but hey it was a start right?

“Huh? Me?â€￾

“Yes, im fed up…you wanna drive for a while?â€￾ I hoped my olive branch
of “take overâ€￾ would convince her that I wasn’t the one that was mad; I was
still on with her. I trusted her now, and I needed her to know that.

“Are you sure?â€￾ I was.

“Sure….â€￾ I began to indicate that I was pulling up, “we can switch…â€￾ I added
getting out of my side of the car, at the door of her side as she stepped out –
brushing up against me slightly.

“Thanks, finally SOMETHING to do besides look at the freakin’ scenery!â€￾ she
got in belted up and started the engine. I had to admit she looked good
behind the wheel, and yeah she was a good driver. For a woman anyway.

“So…â€￾ I attempted a conversation. “Um when we got to Florida, ill wire what
your owed to your bank account, and the rooms and amenities and all that
kinda stuff is already paid for…so it’s nothing to worry about…â€￾

“Thanks, I was wondering about that…â€￾

“Yeah so, other than that we have the whole weekend to play…â€￾

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry


I swear getting someone to talk that usually had trouble shutting up was
harder than getting damn blood from a stone.

So I shut up, I was tired of trying. If she didn’t wanna talk she didn’t. Simple.


“Yes?â€￾ finally!

“thanks for letting me drive, I know this thing is like your baby so it was nice
and driving relaxes me, I don’t get to do it too often…â€￾

“Its no problem…can we please talk.â€￾ I ventured.

“Depends on what the topic is…â€￾ she looked at me and then the road.

“What you where on about last night, can we talk about that?â€￾ She sighed –
audibly so I could see how annoyed she was that I brought it up.

“NO, no we can’t talk about that ok? Because its nothing and I was drunk
and I was sh**…I was just drunk and talking rubbish so please can we ignore

I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

“No I can’t because you were upset and it bothered me, maybe it had no
right to. Given how sh**ty ive been to you, but it did and I want to know

“So you can make yourself feel better? Well trust me you don’t WANT to
know what was bothering me ok?â€￾

“I do…â€￾ I stood my ground Damnit if it killed me!

She was quiet again for a while and I let it stay that way, all the while
leaving subtle hints to remind her that I was still interested.

She still didn’t give in, that was until an hour later when I think I cracked her.

She pulled the car over at the end of an abandoned stretch of road.

“You really want to know?â€￾ she turned to me, serious and if I wasn’t
mistaken holding back tears.

“Yes…I really do.â€￾

“Fine, but remember you asked for this…â€￾ I just nodded, noting the chill that
ran down my spine. In fear almost.

I had asked for it? sh** that wasn’t good</span>

Because of you

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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Tue Nov 01, 2005 1:46 pm

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I was so close to finding out. You are holding out on me, woman. :lol: I need to know the secret!

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Postby laura » Wed Nov 02, 2005 10:58 am

<span style='color:purple'><span style='font-family:Times'>*insert evil ass laugh here* well i need to keep y'all hooked.....and its working HA! no, next chapter all will be revealed and there may even be some :kiss2: :kiss2: :kiss2: going on too....maybe...</span></span>

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Postby laura » Thu Nov 03, 2005 11:06 am

<span style='color:green'><span style='font-family:Times'>Im thinking of deleting all this and just posting over @ for reasons ill go into if y'all PM me.... tra-la</span></span>

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Postby Angelpopstar7 » Fri Nov 04, 2005 1:35 am

I know I know I didn't read yet but I PROMISE I'll read it tomorrow before I go away. I've been busy taking my grandma shopping, painting the house, stuff good daughters/granddaughters do :lol: And you're just gonna post on NF? :( You'll have to email me and direct link me every time then cause I don't venture over there anymore. :lol:

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Postby Angelpopstar7 » Sat Nov 05, 2005 1:11 am

As I promised I would...I finished reading at 1:10 in the morning and I still have packing to do :rofl:

I THINK I know what she's going to say but I'll just be quiet....I don't want to spoil it but I'm praying it's not what I'm thinking because if it is??? Oh lordy there's going to be MAJOR drama :lol:

And they were soooo close to bow chicka bow wow :lol: AHHH MORE PLEASE!

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Postby laura » Mon Nov 07, 2005 9:28 am

<span style='color:orange'><span style='font-family:Times'> :lol: :lol: :lol: drama? ME? Never.... :unsure:

also, i love you attempt at "mood music" too funny!!! :lol: :lol: </span></span>

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Postby laura » Thu Nov 10, 2005 9:21 am

<span style='color:green'><span style='font-family:Times'>
A/N: HEY! well this is is VERY Long but bear with it please? it has its good and bad point but hopefully more good than bad! LOL! but all I ask it that you enjoy the madness of it all for however long it take you to read!
lata hunnies! :lol: </span>

<span style='font-family:Times'><span style='color:dodgerblue'>As I began to try at least and tell him what I hadnt for so long, my mouth went bone dry and I suddenly forgot my english.

“Justin when you and I…way back then…when we hooked
up.â€￾ She swallowed still not looking at me directly.

“When you left I was mad, and I felt so alone and cheap…
even though I knew what I was doing at the time…after it

She paused and I tried to talk, but her finger silenced me. “so
anyway…id been going through a lot and I was under a lot of
stress which is how I guess I missed the signs for so long…
Justin about a month after you left…I took a test for the
doctor. I needed it for a physical form for school…well it
basically told me that I was pregnant.â€￾

She was what?

“Im sorry? You were…what?â€￾ I didn’t know what in the hell
to say, I didn’t even at that point know if I was still breathing.

“He said I was pregnant…that I was about 4-6 weeks along.â€￾
I saw the tears and I felt my own struggling to get to the
surface. Was she really saying what I think she was saying?

“you left second week in January so that made it almost six
weeks to the day…and before you ask I was 100% sure
because in three months you where the only one I’d…been

She was sure?
“What happened? I choked clearing my throat.

She wiped her tears. “I was so scared Justin, I didn’t have a

clue how to do it…I was 17…â€￾

“Nikki, what happened?â€￾ I needed to know this; I needed to know it right then.

“I told my dad. He told mom…they went crazy at each other and then at me….I didn’t tell them it was you…they assumed

it was my “boyfriendâ€￾ â€￾ she quoted using her fingers.

“Why didn’t you call me?â€￾
“How could I do that? You hated me, I hated me…you where
in Germany for gods’ sake. I couldn't just call up and say “hi
Justin im having your baby…â€￾ think about it…â€￾

I guess she was right who knows how I would have reacted then, hell I wasn’t even sure how I was reacting now.

“SO…â€￾ she began again “since my mom and dad where on
the verge of divorce anyway they had a split opinion on what
I was to do for the best…my dad wanted me to keep the
baby, he said if he had to that he would raise it…my mother
was so against it, she wanted me to live my life - to get a
life….i didn’t know what to do, so I waited. And I decided that

I couldn’t do it. I was way to young and unstable to have a

baby…..â€￾ she was full on crying now, and I realised then so
was I. I knew what she did before she even got to the punch
line of this insane confession.

“So with my mom, I made an appointment and I…â€￾

“You got rid of it?â€￾ I answered for her, a lot of my emotion
extremely evident in my voice.

“Yesâ€￾ she wept, in to a full on wailing sob. All I felt was
numb. I didn’t know how to react to something like this.

“But Justin after, I regretted it so much. I felt so empty that I
transferred schools, I changed college plans I move outta
state…I barely spoke to my mother for three years. I just
detested myself for what id done….â€￾ Still I was silent.

“JUSTIN please say something….â€￾

“I don’t know what to say nikki, I mean I had no idea because
you kept this from me…all this time…had you not slipped up,
where you ever planning on telling me?â€￾ I was now in the
state of anger that I didn’t want to be in, I knew I shouldn’t

take my pain out on her.

“I never planned on seeing you again so that wasn’t an
issue….i am sorry I didn’t tell you. But it was the most difficult
thing ive ever gone through and I hated myself to this day for
it….â€￾ She was still crying, but more now trying to calm
herself down.

“Did you know…what it was?â€￾

“No, they said it was too soon to tell….it should have been
born in Septemberâ€￾ she stated as I calculated in my head.

“The kid…would have been what 7 now?â€￾

“Almost….â€￾ She dried her eyes and I wanted to hug her.

“That’s why; I started mixing….the drugs I mean. It was a
resolution to my problem it was a way of forgetting for a few
hours what id done. Something that weighted on me
everyday….but then I started missing the control I had over
my emotions and I tried to stop…O-d’d a couple of times
before I gave rehab a shot…now im in therapy three times a

“Are you ok?â€￾ I asked moving into her closer so that I could
eventually hug her if she wanted me to.

“Ive had time to deal with this, I should be the one asking you
if you’re ok?â€￾ she smiled through her wet eyes and puffy

I didn’t honestly know whether or not I was ok. I knew I was
beginning to breathe again. That’s all I knew.

“Justin please just say something, I need to know what
you’re thinking here…â€￾

“I honestly don’t know what to say…you hid this all this time…
I mean how…no! WHY? Why was I not good enough to
know, to even factor into the equation!â€￾

“I was turning 17 Justin, 17!!! I didn’t know sh** back then! I

didn’t know what to doâ€￾

“But you went through with an abortion, you knew that

“My mother assured me that it was “for the bestâ€￾ so yeah I
took her word for it! Would I do it again? NO. but I am sorry, I
am sorry that I hid it but my life would be so different now
had I had the baby, I would have no education, no Nothin’
your life would have stayed the same, so on that side of
things I don’t regret it!!!â€￾ she bawled at me, and yeah I broke. I
understood her reasoning, didn’t mean I liked it.

“Im sorry okay.â€￾ I admitted.

“Well…aren’t we all…what I need to know now…with us, is
the small piece of civility that we had going, is it still there?â€￾

she looked at me, fully serious with so much pain swirling around in them.

“I don’t really know to be honest, I need time…to just think
things over…is that ok?â€￾

She nodded and restarted the engine. She didn’t speak a
word for the next two hours, neither did I- I was thinking
about all the information that I had taken in…it was so hard.

I mean what did I do for the best here. What she had told me,
what could have happened had she – had we done thing

It got me in the gut that feeling of yearning mixed with hurt…
and tremendous sadness.

And I didn’t even have a clue why, it wasn’t like I knew what
it was like to be a father….but she knew what it was like to
be a mother…at the very least to be pregnant. I couldn’t even
begin to imagine how hard it was for her to make that choice.
I tried to put myself in her shoes. And in all honestly at 17, I
would have made the same choice.

Throughout the rest of the car ride to the nearest gas station I
didn’t say anything but I observed her. She was thinking
hard…and every now and then id notice it. A single tear
would fall from her cheeks.

“Nikki, im sorry for what you had to go through….alone. Im
sorry I was such a bastard that it made you go through all
that alone….im just, sorry.â€￾ She just nodded pulling into the
diner/gas station stop.

“Thank you…â€￾ she stopped the engine, handed me the keys
and made her way into the ladies room.


So id told him, I didn’t ever mean to tell him any of it. NEVER.
But the little sh** broke down my walls and there it was
edging to the surface till I trusted him enough with it.

Giving him his credit, he handled it well…I think.

I on the other hand was for the first time in years facing it,
facing the biggest mistake id ever made.

In time I knew it would slip again back into the back of my
mind where it’s sat all these years.

It was a shock. Other than my parents no one else I knew,
ever found out about it….well except my shrink….but she
was paid to care.

Justin looked shocked, like I knew anyone would be. Other
than that he seemed to be genuinely sorry.

I was thankful that he wasn’t mad, bitter or ashamed at what
id done. Thankfully.

So I did what I had to in the bathroom, as well as cleaning
myself up and

Went to greet him. He wasn’t in the car. He was standing in
line at the diner getting a brown paper bag full of lord only
knows what from the lady in the cap.

I got into the passenger seat, I wasn’t up for driving.

“I got food. Just some burgers, fries and a chocolate
milkshake for you…you hungry?â€￾

In honesty I was, but I hadn’t had a chocolate milkshake since
I was 16. How he knew I liked them…

“Thanks I am a little, um whats with the choice of drink?â€￾ I
asked opening the container that held my food. Handing him
his as I did so.

“Um, I don’t know I just remember you spilling one on a white
shirt one time…it was pretty funny.â€￾

It was funny; it was that summer we basically hung out at
the pool hall a lot.

“Talk about obscure, id forgotten all about that…I was
devastated man it was my favourite shirt…and Trace
wrecked it…â€￾

“I know I remember you beat him and made him wash it…â€￾ he
smiled “Now that sh** was funny!â€￾

“You ok?â€￾ he asked again more softly than the joking voice he

adopted before.

“I will be, just keep talking…and I will be…â€￾
I wanted to talk to her about; I wanted to ask her all kinds of
questions. I wanted to know what it was like for her…what
she was thinking back then, I wanted so much….

More than anything I wanted her to talk to me, something she
hadn’t done in all of four hours.
Are you hungry, thirsty anything darlin’?â€￾
No, im fine for now, if you wanna stop that’s fine.â€￾ She
shrugged still reading that one romance novel.
The notebookâ€￾ - something I think ive heard off.
Well I guess…there’s a stop a few miles up ahead, I think ill
have to pee soon…wait to much information…sorry.â€￾ I
apologised as I saw her raise her eyebrow in question.

Can we stop for lunch then? It’s almost two, little late but if
you wanna.â€￾ Anything to get out of the damn car thank god
she offered.

“Thank you…â€￾

We arrived at the small but very cute and almost romantic little restaurant with a bar. Thankfully.

“Could I have a vodka and cranberry….with ice please?â€￾ I
asked the waitress as she took our orders.

“Isn’t it a little early?â€￾ he questioned.

“No…â€￾ I all but snapped. I didn’t mean too but damn it I needed
a drink.

“Ooook…â€￾ he looked away again drinking his water.

“Look Justin, ive just confessed to you the worst thing in the
world…I need me a drink to do this, to stay in convo with you
without screaming my head off.â€￾

“Whats stopping you….if you wanna scream, scream! Im not
stopping you!â€￾

“Don’t okay, just don’t do that!â€￾

“Do what?â€￾ he defended.

“That! Don’t be nice to me Justin im an awful person! Awful!â€￾ I
calmed my voice down before people began staring for the
wrong reasons.

Just as he was about to say something else, a little girl
approached us. Looking in all honesty terrified.

She didn’t look more than six.

“Hi?â€￾ she said in a smaller voice, small but loud enough to
catch his attention

“Hello there…â€￾

“Can I have your autograph?â€￾ she smiled up with one
missing front tooth.

“Awe honey sure you can…whats your name?â€￾ she bit her
lip shyly. “Who you want me to put on it sweetie?â€￾ he asked
her again this time hunching down to her level. She

whispered something to him, which im guessing was her
name… he signed it with big squabbled writing and she
thanked him and went rushing over to her mother- who id
spotted watching her daughter carefully.

“So sweet, wish they were all like that!â€￾ he sighed before
returning to his pint of iced water.

“What was her name?â€￾

“Wendi killner, she was 6 and a half apparently…tiniest little
voice ever…â€￾ he smiled again. And I saw it then - he felt
regret just like I did…from then on I knew I didn’t need to
wonder if he would have stood by me, I knew he would
have…had he had the chance….

Something I didn’t give him then, but I felt that now I had a
second chance to do that…I had too.

I just had to.


I don’t really know how to explain it? What washed over me
when I saw that little girl. I mean she could have been my –
our little girl…or guy.

I could have had a child? Could have being the phrase I kept

“Nik? Do you think had things between us back then ended
differently…that maybe things would be different now too?â€￾

She looked up at me, not shocked just surprised she took a
sip of her drink that had arrived.

“I don’t know? Maybe…had I known you would have been
there for…itâ€￾ she stressed, like she knew she didn’t want to
say the word baby “then maybe my decision would have
been…But it wasn’t so I don’t think its healthy for either of us
to be dwellin’ on this…Not nowâ€￾

she was right that would have been the healthy option, that
would have been. But I couldn’t help it…in a way I knew she
was right in doing what she did back then. We were kids we
knew nothing…Hell I still didn’t judging by my behaviour
recently. But thinking about it, about “what if…â€￾ “Maybeâ€￾
and “if onlyâ€￾ it was something so easy to do. Easy to do
when the life I had made for myself by being all about
myself – well as you can see it hasn’t exactly been perfect
now has it?

“I think id make a good dad one day…â€￾ I mused…

“I think so too…â€￾ she agreed, and for the first time in almost
48 hours. She smiled.

I loved it when I was the one making that smile appear. It lit up
her entire face, and her eyes seem to twinkle in a certain
way…the pain disappeared and all I saw was hope. And I
think we both need that, in a truck load…

We had been driving for a little over an hour…when it
happened, there was a bang, and then another. We both
almost jumped out of our damn skin at the sound.

As it turns out it was the back tire. It had ripped on a stray
piece of glass from an old disgarded bud bottle.

“Jesus Christ it ripped right through the damn tire! LOOK!â€￾ he
exclaimed “Jesus now what in the hell are we gonna do!â€￾

“Just use the spare…â€￾ I replied casually, not noting his look,
but hearing the silence.

“Justin there is a spare isn’t there?â€￾

“Well…um not exactly….â€￾


“What? I had to take it out to make room for all of our sh**! I
didn’t have room otherwise!â€￾

“My sh**? Im not the dude who packed four suitcases….two
for shoes! I had three with all my sh** in em! So don’t pin this
on me!â€￾ I got out of the car to examine the evidence.

“Oh for god sake….just call triple A.â€￾

“I can’t my cell’s dead…â€￾ he ran his hair through those
touchable curls…damn him…even angry he was sexy.

“Charge it…or use mine?â€￾

“I didn’t know you had one with you, I haven’t seen you use

“I don’t im on a job…so I don’t be unprofessional and do that
sh**…here…â€￾ I reached into one of my holdalls and handed
him my flippy phone.

I watched him dial. Then walk around as he sprouted off

“OKâ€￾ he puffed at me “they said it'll take a few hours…
apparently there is some huge ass accident on one of the
nearby highways and all services are called out…they said
from my directions we aren’t far from the nearest town, we
could walk it…â€￾

“In these?â€￾ I motioned to my new and slightly expensive Marc
Jacobs peep toe shoes. He just rolled his eyes.

“yes in those…or change em…Lord knows you have
enough.â€￾ he shrugged.

“But they go perfect with this, I don’t have anything else that
remotely goes with this…â€￾ ok so I know how spoiled I
sounded but come on, are you tellin’ me you’d me willing to
give up THE perfect outfit & comfy-but-not walk’ able shoes
combo? HUH? Didn’t think so…

“But…I can’t…â€￾

“Nikki, seriously...Im not waiting hours in here just so you can
look cute!â€￾

He thinks I look cute, see…

“Well then im just gonna have to change…â€￾

“WHERE?â€￾ he looked around…

“In the car…â€￾ I divulged. As I opened the trunk and rooted for
my casual bag…that held the essentials and my Nikes.

I grabbed a tank and bottoms pink and black that matched of
course with my trainers that were pink and white. And hot
footed it to the car once I knew the traffic was all but gone.

“ok your gonna have to either get out and stand by the
window and shield me from perverts or turn around and look
at those fields over there?â€￾ I pointed to his side of the car.

“Woman chill please…Ive seen you naked there is nothing
that you need to hide from me…â€￾ god he was pervy wasn’t


“Nikki?â€￾ he mocked me… “Woman I know what you look
like…just hurry up!â€￾

Ok so I knew he just wanted to be a guy and look, hell he’d
done all but jump down my blouse when I unbuttoned the one
I had on the day before. I knew it couldn’t be helped really, it
was a guy thing – they look down our tops when they THINK
we’re not looking, just like…and be honest we take sneaky
peeks at their bums when they turn around….

I know I do with him anyway, he doesn’t have much of a
butt – but what he has is extremely squeezable. Don’t’ya

So yeah I was being a perve, but ill tell you I didn’t look…

Ok so I did, but not in a pervy sorta way. It was in a
more….appreciation manner more so than anything else.

She was hot, I knew that she knew that and the old truckers
that passed us knew that. The attraction I felt for her just
seemed to triple almost…Yeah there was no denying it…I
wanted her.

“Ready?â€￾ I asked as she zipped up her jacket.

“Yup let’s go…â€￾ she pepped like she was going cheerleading.
I locked up the car, and locked the wheel, then the security
system in the car; I hoped would do the rest.

And then we did it…set off walking that is. From what the
dude on the other end of the line told me we had at least
another two mile to walk…lord only knew what kind of town
we’d meet on the other side of it.


Like I knew he would I caught him looking, and I wasn’t sure…
but he wasn’t exactly being a pervert about it, not like most
men anyway.

It was like he liked what he saw and wanted me to know it…I
think…well regardless of what was or wasn’t shooting
through my hormones at that point. I figured a nice brisk walk
would do us both the world of good.

So there we where, in the middle of the end of nowhere USA
and just laughing and joking like neither of us had a care in the world. Despite what we had to face in Florida, the work
not to mention the little secret that we now shared. It was
strange that we could just go from one extreme to the
other….my grandmother used to call that the “height of
genuine passionâ€￾ apparently it was also one way for her to
justify the fights she had with my grandfather, every day for
fifty years….

“Girl will you slow down please I need to catch my breath…â€￾

“BOY…No, I thought you were a dancer aren’t you supposed
to be fit and whatnot…â€￾

“well in case ya failed to notice ive spent three months in
rehabilitation…if you run there I heard they shoot you, so
forgive me workout queen if im a little rusty…my skills have
gone unwanted this past few months…â€￾

Skills huh…no!! bad thoughts BAD…

I went red at the thought. Thoughts I knew I shouldn’t have
been letting enter my head.

“Nikki are you blushing?â€￾

“No idiot im brisk walking, im outta breath…â€￾

“A-huh…â€￾ he noted smiling coming up beside me.“So you
know this guy you’re sorta seeing…â€￾

God why that subject again.

“Yeah…what about him?â€￾

“Sex wise is he good?â€￾
I swear I almost choked, “Why you wanna try him out
honey?â€￾ I teased.

“HA, no…but is he? I mean Ive had my share of women…â€￾ he smirked “But you…you were still to this day one of the most
difficult women to impress…â€￾

Now that made me genuinely laugh. What in the hell gave him
that idea.

“Is that so?â€￾

“Yes…so im just wondering… and feel free to tell me to f***
off here, but um what exactly is it that does it for you…â€￾

Someone was feeling bold. Must have been all that fresh air.

“Are you serious?â€￾ I asked not really sure by his tone if he is
or isn’t?

He just kept on walking, looking at me eyebrow raised and


“Ok well what does it for me? That’s depends….â€￾


“On the guy, reasons why I like him…reasons why im letting
him get that far with me, what in his person I find attractive…
things like that.â€￾

“The way he treats you determines the way you’re attracted
to him? Is that it?â€￾

“Yeah it is…you know that and if he has a nice bum.â€￾ I
laughed, only half serious. It was when I saw him look behind
himself – checking out his own ass now…laughing that I
realised. Or hoped that he was joking too.

“Well looks like I have a shot then!â€￾ he giggled in a way to
sexy kind of way and yes ill admit. The walls that id built
where crumbling!

Damn him.

“Ooh does it now? Well have to see about that…â€￾ I ignored
him and began to out sprint him


We didn’t mention the rather obvious flirting that had taken
place as we walked. As we reached the outskirts of the
smallish town, that thankfully held a star bucks – I was
nearing civilisation at last!

“Ill have a double mocha-chino please and once espresso
and two chocolate cookies.â€￾ I ordered as he sat in the
corner; hat again over head…that boy and his paranoia.

While I waited for my order, I just noticed him through the
mirror in front of me. the way he just sat there, looking taking
in everything around him. The small things he did…it was
funny. To the outside world he was this “Godâ€￾ but in reality
he was just – for the lack of a few brain cells completely

And sweet, and charming….

See this is exactly what I shouldn’t have been doing. Letting
my mind wander into places where I knew I shouldn’t be. I


so heres a thing about me that you should know, I am always
hungry. No matter when where or even how much ive
already eaten I am ALWAYS hungry.

It’s just not normal. But since food was the one addiction that
I was still allowed. Hell you better believe I was enjoying it!

She ordered the coffees, and two mammoth cookies that
could make a meal…for a normal person.

For me it was just a nice snack….we’d do some kind of
extremely calorific dinner later.

She didn’t say much as she ate. I don’t know why I found that
weird….well ok I do. All the other times I eaten with her, she
just gabbed on and on no matter how much she was eating.
It was refreshing, like she really didn’t give a sh**. Now it was
different. She was sitting differently. Eating like dare I say it a
lady and not really talking.

In grade school terms it meant one thing.

She liked me….

And I planned on using that to full effect. I had spent seven
years in a state of unknown when it came to her, and before
that the crush I had on her rivaled the one I had on Miss

“So nikki...What are your plans after we finish in Miami?â€￾

“Umm…well I have a wedding party and two birthdays this
month…after that, lord knows.â€￾ She smiled weakly.

“You must keep really busy then…that man of your must not
see you much.â€￾ Hint, hint.

“You really have an obsession with my boyfriend don’t you…
I really am thinking you wanna date him!â€￾

“Awe now that’s not true, how could I date him if I don’t
know who he is….â€￾

“You wanna know??â€￾

“Why not…you know all about me at this stage I think I need
to know something about you….â€￾

“Well…â€￾ she sighed finishing off her cookie. “His name is Ben
and he’s owns a club in New York…he’s 30 andâ€￾

“Wow 30? Sugar daddy much?â€￾ I joked.

“Well now aren’t you the little hypocrite…lets see, how many
women have you dated closer to your MOTHERS age than
you own…Humm?â€￾ Well damn she had me there.

“Not the point, you where saying…â€￾

“Yeah you little ho, I was saying…He’s 30 and he’s
graduated from Berkley with a degree in business…he’s
started up various successful dot coms…andâ€￾

“Nikki I don’t need the man’s cv…I need the person…Like I
could toootally get myself laid if I went around saying “Justin
Timberlake 25, experienced lover…Grammy winner, TRL
video king….toured the world twice…that’s me, but not ME…
like I could say all that and hide the fact that im afraid of
commitment, I don’t like cats and I was and am a drug

She rolled her eyes in that “I get it wayâ€￾ she always did.

“Ok so…he’s nice.â€￾

“Just nice… man that must be hot huh?â€￾ I laughed at her…
and it pissed her off.

“Well what?â€￾

“Are you two…you know?â€￾ I wriggled my eyebrows in the
hopes she’d get the hint.

“Justin Randall Timberlake that is none of your business. Now
pleassse lets talk about something, anything else???â€￾

We waited over an hour for the triple A guy to call me back.
Then he finally did, not with good news however. The whole
freeway was now backed up and they couldn’t get in or out,
which meant even if we did get the car fixed we still wouldn’t
be able to leave. So we stayed on just in case.

It was after eight when we left the little café that we scouted
around and found. It was Irish Italian so you can imagine the
amount of food we got served.

“I don’t think I can ever eat again!â€￾ she said as we exited it
onto the cool air of the night.

“Well…I know I could say that but um…â€￾

“You’re hungry, you’re ALWAYS hungry….â€￾ She scoffed.

“Well what? Im a growing boy I need my food!â€￾

“Justin I hate to tell you this hun, but I think your fully grown.â€￾
She looked me up and then down, and I honestly felt myself

“You called everyone right? I mean they know we’re stuck?
Trace, the guys…they know we won’t be there for opening

“Yeah they do, and they are so pissed about it too! Turns out
Trace made it through the pass just before the accident so
the traffic for them was fine…I told em id make it up to them…

“The press are gonna have a f***ing field day with this sh**
you know?â€￾

“Um, yeah can you see the rumours now?? They hate each
other; it’s off…NO NEW ALBUM!!â€￾

“Well no publicity is bad…some is always good. In
theory….um, Justin you know its getting dark and we have
no where to stay…you know that right? That and my money
wont stretch to a decent room tonight…â€￾

“are we slumming it tonight then? Motel instead of hotel…I
think I saw one a few blocks over…wanna go look…I need
to lie downâ€￾

We’d settled into the tiny ass little room with the barely there
curtains… we’d talked again, watched the even tinier


“Yeah?â€￾ I countered not taking my eyes of the television.

“Um…Nothing never mind…â€￾ he said shrugging.

“What is it J?â€￾

“It’s just that…well…â€￾

“Spit it out already…â€￾ he always stalled when he had
something on his mind, always – even as a seventeen year

“Its just, you and me…with everything I now know about
you – and lets face it you know pretty much ALL there is to
know about me. Would you consider us…friends again?â€￾

“Well I should bloody think so!â€￾ I laughed “I mean come on, in
the last few days ive basically bared my soul to you! I think
the least we could be is friends.â€￾

“Good!â€￾ he smiled almost smugly to himself.


“Just checking….â€￾ He looked over to me, and then back to the
TV. Leaving me a little more than perplexed at what exactly
he was getting at.</span></span>

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