Now & Then...

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whatchagot4meMRJT
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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Thu Nov 10, 2005 10:32 am

Awwww. She shared the secret and he took it well. :clap: I mean, what can you really say about something like that? I can't imagine how hard it would be to be a parent at such a young age. But they're both going to be great parents when the timing is right. And I hope that they get married and have lots of little ones. :lol: Wishful thinking for those chapters down the line. *hint hint* :D

I love the fliritng. Please keep that up. Soooooo cute. :wub:

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laura
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Postby laura » Mon Nov 21, 2005 11:28 am

<span style='font-family:Times'> :blink: wheres heather???? Im not updating till she catches up!!!!</span>

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ashleybull
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Postby ashleybull » Mon Nov 21, 2005 3:32 pm

im so glad that you kept going with this story. i hope they get back together.

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Angelpopstar7
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Postby Angelpopstar7 » Thu Nov 24, 2005 1:45 am

Sorry I'm late as usual...I've barely been home...spending all my free time at my grandmas putting up Christmas decorations :lol:

AHA! I knew that was going to be her secret! At least he took it well...better then I was expecting...I'm proud of him :lol: I expected him to fly of the chain and be all pissed at her. Thankfully he was very understanding. Now these two just need to hook up and have a little one for real this time...Daddy Justin...ahh just the thought brings a smile to my face. And she sounds so much like me with making sure everything matches :lol: MORE PLEASE!

Oh and I'm going to try and get the graphic done for you this weekend. I know I'm late but I'm going to try my best to get it done.

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laura
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Postby laura » Thu Nov 24, 2005 8:33 am

<span style='font-family:Times'>hold damn you put the decorations up so early! LOL! right well, i almost forgot about it so dont worry i know youve been busy! Man i need a new web site to put all my fics and pics on big time!!! AH!</span>

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Angelpopstar7
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Postby Angelpopstar7 » Fri Nov 25, 2005 12:33 am

ROFL yeah my grandma has me put them up early...she LOVES Christmas...like we put decortations up in November and last year I think we took them down in like March. That's how much my grandma loves Christmas. :lol:

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laura
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Postby laura » Wed Nov 30, 2005 8:28 am

<span style='color:red'><span style='font-family:Times'>hey all, another long one! its been a while and im way ahead so i figured i better start posting!LOL! i wrote this b4 the news on nick and jess came out, it must be that power thing i was talking about!LMAO! well whatever right? enjoy!</span></span>



<span style='color:dodgerblue'><span style='font-family:Times'>To be perfectly honest I wasn’t quite sure what I was doing. I didn’t set out
to obey trace and make nice with her, but some how –with a lot of
resistance on what im sure you’ll agree was on both sides - I did.

But I like her, I liked that she was now honest with me, honest about
everything. Including the one terrible and emotionally freezing thing she
went through alone, because of me. Because of the way I had left things
with her. Had I not, maybe things would have been much different, maybe
we’d be together…married even.

Wow, married…that was a freaky ass thought. Here was me, selfish self
centred and commitment phobic and I let the idea of married with her enter
my mind.

I was getting too attached to her; I had a tendency to do that with the few
people who where honest and forthcoming with me, needless to say they
were few and far between. Now here I was doing it again. I knew I
couldn’t. I mean in a few days she’d be gone, back to her own life as I tried
to go back and rebuild mine….I was clearly pathetic for even thinking such a
thing.

“J…â€￾ I liked that she called me now what all my friends had adopted. “Are
you as bored as I am?â€￾

God yes I reeeeally was.

“Wanna play a game…â€￾

“I didn’t think there was any in here…â€￾ I looked around and didn’t see much
of anything resembling “gamesâ€￾.

“See I was thinking, questions…20 to be exact.â€￾

“Girl, I haven’t played that in years…truly.â€￾

“Good then I think we should do it then, ill start shall I?â€￾

“Okay then!â€￾

“Lets see??â€￾ she mused “ok…what is your favourite movie of all time?â€￾

“Of ALL time? Jesus…um…I don’t know there are lots…whats yours.â€￾

“No I asked you first…â€￾

“Ugh, I guess its between Shaw shank and BraveHeart both really very
awesome, whats yours…â€￾

“Shaw shank! I love it! I mean I LOVE it! That or if I had to choose from a
more modern film…awe Love & basket ball. Or Brown sugar the stories are
adorable and so nice or Love Actually, awesome...â€￾

“So it’s your essential chick flick then!â€￾ it sure sounded like it.


“Noooo, well yeah but its hot!â€￾

“You sound like Paris Hilton…â€￾ he scoffed.

She rolled her eyes at me, “Im sure you know her verrry well…â€￾

Oh yeah I forgot about that…

“A little…â€￾

“You f*** her? I shouldnt have been surprised by her blunt question but
uhh…how did I answer that?

“Don’t lie…â€￾ she interrupted smiling.

“Fine yes I did, one night…like a year ago. We all got totally wasted at this
sh** wrecked party in LA, and honestly I don’t remember any of it!â€￾

â€￾Wow, she made an impression didn’t she?â€￾ she mocked, and rightly
so. “Well I can tell you, she sure as hell remembers you…â€￾

“How?â€￾ I laughed awkwardly, I was wasted so I was sure
my "performance" wasnt the best...



“She was talking about you, when I was planning her party…some sh**
about you came on E! And she was just gushing about how… ‘Good’ you
were…how…interesting it was…I have to admit that it was fasinating! I
mean clearly you didn’t wanna sh** to do with her, and she even said that
afterwards you just got dressed and f***ed off that you didnt even speak
to her that morning...

but apparently that just turned her on even more…â€￾

"Shut up it did not!!"

“Ooh but it did! She was talking that she invited a few of your friends. You
know in the hopes that you'd show…man it was so sad…like she's a little ho
yes but other dudes where throwing themselves at her and all she wanted
was you…â€￾

“Is that so hard to believe???â€￾ I acted offended in the hopes that she

might give in and maybe soothe my ego a little.

She just looked at the bed spread we sat on. “It’s not so hard to believe,
it’s just that if I wanted…someoneâ€￾ she said still not taking her eyes off the
damn bed “I wouldn’t make it sooo obvious you know? I mean yeah there
is something to be said for a girl who can go up to a guy and tell him what
she wants when she wants it, but I don’t know…even in a HIGHLY altered state I still couldn’t do it…â€￾

“So what would you do…if you wanted a guy to know you liked him?â€￾ finally she looked up.


“Is that one of you now 19 questions left?â€￾ she raised the eyebrow.

“Yes it is…so?â€￾

“Sooo…â€￾ she whined “I dunno man, it’s like…id… just flirt a little maybe and
see if we where on the same page…if we were then id let him initiate..â€￾ she
shrugged.

Damn talk about being vague…

“Initiate how exactly?â€￾ I almost whispered – not sure why.


“Hey…it’s my turn…â€￾ she smacked me in the arm.

“Sorrry…go on then.â€￾

“okay…â€￾ she sat Indian style in front of me, like she was thinking what to
ask…like she needed to ask anything.

“Well???â€￾ I pushed her on.

“Uhh k…lets see…â€￾ she stalled again annoying me to no end.

“Nikki Johnson if you don’t ask a question soon I’m gonna…â€￾

“Gonna what? Huh? What?â€￾ she grinned, and hell I did it.

“Im gonna….â€￾ And I did.

I kissed her again. And this time (thank god) she didn’t stop me; instead
she actually provoked me further….

*****

Yeah okay I get it, no need to shower me with the “uh ohâ€￾ looks, I get it. I
baited him on, I knew what I was doing, I knew.

But then, I think he knew too. I really wanted to kiss him. I wanted to kiss
him the other night. But as you know guilt has a way of erasing pleasure.
And any pleasure I was getting from the kiss, it was erased before it
registered. Now was different though I wasn’t hiding my secret I wasn’t
holding back….I was fully enjoying what was happening.

**** *** **** ***

Time didn’t really seem to matter once they where fully making out. It
seemed like minutes but in what one was guessing in real time, hour’s
maybe.

Or let’s put it this way, with the absent t-shirt in his case and the opened
blouse on her part…I think that gives you the direction they planned on
going with their little “incidentâ€￾.

“Jesus….â€￾ He mumbled as he kissed down her skin, from her mouth to her
neck, and then to the top of her chest.

“Where?â€￾ she joked, causing him to look up at her with the one “are you
kidding me eyebrowâ€￾
“Sorry, nervous humour…â€￾


“Why are you nervous?â€￾ he questioned her as he kissed her again and
pulled away long enough for her to answer.

“Obvious don’t you think?â€￾

“Nope…I think you need to tell meâ€￾ he was teasing her, but in a funny kind
of way.

“Don’t make me do this, you know why?â€￾

“Noooo I really don’t, I don’t- I really need you to TELL me…â€￾ she didn’t she
just sat up, stopping him in his track down her torso.

“What are you doin’?â€￾ he asked, panic in his pretty blue eyes.

“What are you doin?â€￾ she countered.

“Well, I was…you know…â€￾ he looked down at her tummy, exposed and
covered in his kisses.

“And where were you goin’â€￾ she smiled…making him laugh nervously,
extremely nervously.

“I don’t…â€￾

“Ohh you know boy don’t mess…â€￾

“Woman, stop…your making me all kinda nervous…cant we just make out
some more and just see…If…we…â€￾ he looked her up and down, and she
realised she couldn’t help but laugh. He was underneath it all, such a guy.

“Humm lets see…â€￾ and with that she tackled him into another kiss.

And so it carried on, until all was covering either of them. For him it was his
favourite black boxers, and for her it was her matching baby doll pink lace
bra and French style undies.

“Are you sure?â€￾ she asked him this time.

“What do you think?â€￾

“No I know but are you SURE???â€￾

“Yes…â€￾ he sounded out… “Are you? Cause if your not, then tell me now
because in a few minutes it may be a little bit difficult to stop…â€￾ he laughed
out right, as did she.

“No I want to…â€￾

“Good…â€￾ he went slide his hand into the hem of her underwear.
And just as luck would have it, it was then when the damn cell phone
decided to buzz its head off, like an alarm.

“UGHHHH!â€￾ she almost screamed.

“Ignore it, its probably just Trace…â€￾

“What if it’s important…?â€￾

“Or not…Please don’t….â€￾

“Sorry just one second!â€￾ she held up her index finger, slipping out of his
embrace.

“Hello? Trace hi…â€￾ he groaned in disgust when she said his name

“See...â€￾He pointed at her, she just ordered him to shhh using her finger
over her lips.

“I see, right no. we left the car…yeah the wheel went bust and well we
didn’t have a…you know it’s a long story…what??? Your where? Ok…I see
yeah of course…â€￾

He was so curious as to what was going on, on the other end of the phone
line.

“Yeah I will, in a few minutes…yup five minutes!â€￾ with that she hung up.

“f***! Get dressed now! Come on!â€￾ she freaked.

“What?? Whats going on?â€￾

“They’re here, that’s what…they’re with the car now, they came to get us
and tow the car, the roads been open for a while. They stopped when you
called and turned back, so come on…â€￾

The thoughts of disappointment that flew through his head at that
moment, well lets just say he wasn’t exactly happy at that moment.

“I can not believe this, now…now they decide to show up…â€￾ he bantered
begrudgingly as he pulled back on his previously dis-garded clothes, as she
did the same, with the same look across her face.

“I know….talk about knocking us back into reality or in this case beeping
us…â€￾


“Yeah…â€￾

“Its fate I guess….â€￾ She mused. “You know maybe…we…weren’t…â€￾

“God don’t say that….â€￾ he snapped. “Is that what you think?â€￾

“Well…â€￾ she skirted the answer he wanted as she put back on her
top. “Maybe…I mean don’t get me wrong…â€￾she smiled “I wanted it…to
happen but…â€￾ with that there was a knock on the door,

“That’s Trace…Let’s go.â€￾

“Wait…â€￾ he grabbed her by the wrist, gently but enough to stop her. “Tell
me.â€￾

“What?â€￾

“Tell me…â€￾ he asked again as there was another knock. “I still want it to
happen…do you?â€￾





*************
I didn’t have time to answer him, I just ran to answer the door.

“Hey, what in the hell took y’all so long!â€￾ Trace announced.

“Um nothing we just weren’t sure it was you that’s all…â€￾ he seemed to
believe my lies as he nodded.

“Well ive hooked the car up man, and the freeways open so you two can
ride with us the rest of the way…im a little surprised your both still alive
though, I thought for sure one of you would kill the other, way before this!â€￾

Little sh**.

“Yeah…â€￾ Justin finally spoke up. “About that…My cards NOW!â€￾ he demanded
walking to the shorter man.

“Here you go…â€￾ he pulled them out “but one thing first…are you two friends
or what cuz I can tell you we won’t be listening to y’all bicker for the next 200 or so miles…â€￾


“No Trace you’ll be fine…â€￾ I added “we’re fine…Right J?â€￾

“Yeah we are…â€￾ he added awkwardly “we’re fine…can we go now then?â€￾

Ok so I knew he was sulking, I mean in a way I was too. Had trace
announced his presence just either a little sooner, or a LOT later – we
would have been fine. Now there was all this unresolved sexual tension
and it just wasn’t fair!!!


On the drive, we what was left of it. No one really said anything. She didn’t
say anything to me, neither did I to her.

I don’t know why, but I had a feeling that she felt as badly as I did that our
little “thingâ€￾ was halted.

I know I did… all that build up and then…Nothing. It sucked.

We reached the area where our hotel was a little past two am. All of us
were knackered tired. And it was straight to the five star hotel, and straight
to the private suite – deluxe king bed. All the works. Needless to say I was
loving it that little bit more now, since I hadn’t had any luxury in about four
days…

Just the idea of the silk sheets had me almost giddy. I was finally gonna
get a good nights sleep.

As snobbish as it sounds, I had gotten used to the little things, the
luxuries….and I wasn’t about to give them up.

So there I was, back in what was especially the lap of luxury and there I
was again…alone.

Now as much as I loved my room…I realised I was so much more content in
that dingy little motel room, in Georgia and all the other places we’d
stopped over.

We’d been apart seven hours by the time I was called for a “breakfast
meetingâ€￾ the next day, in one of the large board rooms the hotel provided.

There she was just sitting, in her now “professional clothesâ€￾ black
pinstriped suit…heels, and her hair in a tight bun. She looked every inch the
professional she was trying to be…and even a little scary, but I knew now
she wasn’t I knew that was her front – the ball buster. She needed to be
respected, and in a room full of men who where more likely to hit on her
than listen to her. She had to hold her own.

“Justin, good you’re here…here is the itinerary for today the others have
been briefed. The press conference is now on for two, then the meet for
the basketball game…you know the drill right?â€￾

I nodded and poured myself some coffee. “I do yeah…â€￾

“Good…after that there is a “party mixerâ€￾ in pearl….

There you’ll all be expected to use every photo op with preferable all the
celebrities…that include that greasy little dude...whats his name…â€￾

“Usher?â€￾ I said hoping I was right.

“Yeah him…â€￾ she smiled at the rest of the room as they laughed in
agreement. “and that’s the first days activities taken care off….Ill see you
all later if there are any problems?â€￾ she moved to get up before Joey
intervened as he tucked into his full fry up.â€￾ Are you not gonna stay for
breakfast girl?â€￾

“Uhh no ive already eaten, ive been up since six…I ate after I came from my
run.â€￾ She got up at six to run, she would have barely had four hours sleep…
the last thing I wanted to do was run… with that she looked at me,
unnoticed by everyone else. But there was a definite LOOK.

$$$

The beaches were amazing, where we were staying they were your
basic “stone throwâ€￾ to the sands of what I would consider heaven. Hot
white sands – clean and matched with the bluest of waters.
I liked Miami if you ignored the hoard of plastic fantastic “Babesâ€￾ on the
water front, not to mention the crowds of guys that looked like extras from
Nip-tuck then it wasn’t so bad.

I knew I had my work, but now it was mostly taken care of by the
organisers of the events that I had initially set up. Essentially my job was
done.

Yet I was still there, in an “overseeingâ€￾ capacity more so than anything
else. After all it was the company I worked for and my reputation on the
line if they (the organisers) f***ed things up.

So yeah I still needed to be there, even though I didn’t exactly feel like I
had a place.

Things, weather or not I wanted to face them, were different now. He was
among his “peopleâ€￾ again. He was a “celebrityâ€￾ again…Basically he was
back in the life that I had no place in.

By rights I shouldn’t have been feeling the way I was feeling. What was I
feeling you ask? Well…abandoned mostly. Liked id lost something….when
really I didn’t have it in the first place.
He wasn’t mine, he never was, what we were now – after our shared secrets and confessions was anyone’s guess. Especially mine.
************************************************************

For most of the next day she was MIA. I knew I was busy I just didn’t
know what she was doing. She wasn’t at the press conference like she
needed to be, she wasn’t at the kick-off of the B.Ball game. All in all the last time id seen her properly was breakfast and even then I didn’t get talking
to her like I wanted.I saw her briefly at the game, she was watching from

the sidelines from what I can tell it was the last ten minutes. She seemed
impressed, which in a way I was thankful for. It was the old ego thing
again, im a man what can I say….



In all honesty her being missing was really starting to worry me. Maybe it
shouldn’t have. I mean she was a big girl – more than able to look after
herself. I guess it was just having her to myself for all that time. And now
not at all…It was weird but I missed her.

It wasn’t until the “party mixerâ€￾ that I saw her. Mingling…looking, for the
lack of a better word absolutely breathtaking.

I wasn’t sure what designer she was wearing but it was definitely “labelâ€￾
material. It was a slinky figure hugging knee length gold number that she
had teamed with little accessories and matching shoes her hair was swept
up and her makeup dramatic but not to over powering.

She let that dress do all the talking, and it was almost screaming.

“Justin hi…â€￾

“Hey there I was lookin-â€￾ but before I could even begin the conversation
the aforementioned “greasy little dudeâ€￾ poked his tiny little head into our
business.

“Yo’ Timberlake, what took you so long dude this party hit it off a while ago?â€￾
I hated him…I wanted to squash him like the little bug I knew he was.

“Uh well I was…â€￾

“You know my girl here right?â€￾ he proceeded to touch MY Nikki.

“Im sorry?â€￾

“Nikki, you two know each other right? Then he put his tiny little arm
around her shoulders. She just looked at me.

“Yeah I know her, how exactly do you know her??â€￾ you little turd.

“Oh, oh me and Nik used to kick it back in the day didn’t we?â€￾ he asked her.

“Uh...Yeah we partied once and while…â€￾ she said almost meekly.

“Once in a while every week!â€￾ he laughed “ah that’s my girl right there…â€￾
he shouted and again with the touching. She just rolled her eyes at me, in
the “ I want him to leaveâ€￾ kinda way.
“Um usher, I think I saw Naomi lookin’ for you, so um could you go get
her…â€￾ she blurted in her best “f*** offâ€￾ tone. And he obeyed,

“What the f*** was all that about? I thought you two…well by the way you
described him at breakfast I thought…â€￾

“What?â€￾

“Well I don’t know but the impression I got wasn’t one of y’all being bosom
buddies…â€￾ I pointed out.

“Trust that he had nothin’ to do with my bosoms dude!â€￾ she smiled but I
still wasn’t convinced.

“well did yall kick it the way we kicked it?â€￾ sure I was acting like a six year
old whose toy just got stepped on, but I swore had he slept with her I was
gonna flatten him.

“Justin…â€￾

“Nikkiâ€￾ I mimicked “answer me…Did you.â€￾

She sipped her champagne and then looked at me.

“No…we didn’t…the way we did…we never did. What I don’t get is why it
bothers you so much.â€￾

Was she blind….EARTH TO NIKKI! I LIKE YOU!!!!!!!

“I meanâ€￾ she continued “ill be gone in a few days and so will you…we more
than likely wont see each other again and…well I guess what im saying is
that you shouldn’t let my life effect yours any more, ill be out of your hair
soon J.â€￾ and with that slightly cryptic sentence she walked off, greeting
Kelly Clarkson with a hug as well as Gwen and her little Harajuki girls in tow.

I mingled like I was told. Got more than three offers of coke, all behind
backs you understand…and I said no…it was a fight but I didn’t do it.

Thankfully. I stayed with my boys, we did our group mingling thing and in all honesty it was nice being with the familiar again.

“So you and nikki kicky over thereâ€￾ Chris began “whats with that…I mean
from what I head you two hate each others guts…she’s always seemed
nice to me.â€￾

“You know her?â€￾

“Na, she's helped a few friends with a few get togethers, ive seen her
around New York, she's re-nound for her parties and her partying…if you
know what I mean…â€￾ he wriggled his bushy eyebrows at me.

“Uh no I don’t know what?â€￾

“Well she's was quite the social climber about a year or so back…I mean big
into the party scene. She well…was fun…â€￾

“Chris what are you talkin’ about?â€￾

“she was a party, party girl she was hooked on all kinds of sh**…her
parties, the ones she used to throw at least were known for there
extensive “substance presenceâ€￾ you know…was fun, in the sense that she
once snorted coke with the best of the best….rockers, socialites, even
f***in royals man…but again its all rumour you know…â€￾

“What changed?â€￾ the thing about the boys, they didn’t know my history
with her, neither did they know about our little four day road trip.

“Well from what I heard she O/d’d big time in LA with Tara Reid and a few
others that are and were notorious to the scene, she took a pretty horrific
turn from some not so reliable sh** that she inhaled? She was dead…almost
anyway…â€￾

“She was?â€￾

“Yeah…her heart stopped twice I heard anyway…but somehow she came
back, and from what I know, she hasn’t touched anything since. Now don’t
get me wrong the chick still knows her sh**, and she doesn’t judge those
who does what she did you know?â€￾ he winked nodding to a group in the
corner of the large club “but she has her rules. And I like that….you know
she's ballsy and the girl is HOT! Now that’s a killer combo…â€￾

Yeah maybe it was.

I watched her do her thing, mix and mix with others. Networking I think it
was called in her line of work.

She was very good at it. She talked to everyone. Everyone that was except
me.

And I just wasn’t having that.

*****

I was tired, I was thirsty, but in business my minimum was two glasses of
champagne, if I had time to stand and drink I wasn’t being a good hostess.

Everyone seemed to be in good spirits, and with it getting the charity good,
no great publicity.

And lets face that’s what all this was in aid of, charity. And it was kids…that
made it ten million times more important.

“So you and J are cool now right Nik?â€￾ I saw Trace and a small blonde
approach me.

“We are, for now at least…you know how he is…â€￾ I laughed.

“Yeah, yeah I do. Well im glad my little plan worked out. And you know I
never wanted anything to happen to you right I mean I know his barks bad
but he a’int got no bite…I knew you’d be okay.â€￾

Im sure he did.

“Yup, thanks…you enjoying yourself…â€￾ I noted that it was just after three
am, and the party was still roaring. Thankfully for my rep not so thankful for
the baseball game the next day.

“Oh I am, im just gonna continue this little soirée in my hotel room.â€￾ He
winked and made it away with the blonde. Lord only knows who she was.

I looked around; I wasn’t necessarily looking for him. But I was…

It was brainless. I didn’t want to see him yet the idea of him spending time
with someone else. More to the point a Female someone else, well it irked
me.

So when I saw him with the newly divorced Jessica Simpson, her with her
bosoms ahoy and laughing at something you KNOW was just MILDLY
funny….I had to intervene.

“Hey there?â€￾ I announced walking up to them she smiled he smiled wider
than I ever though possible.

“Nikki, is that thing ready…the thing that you and I had to go and get now
it’s ready huh?â€￾ the hint of desperation in his voice added to that he was
eyeing me to go along with it.

sh** it was funny.

“The thing?â€￾ I played as dumb as the blonde beside me.

“Yeah girl you know that thing that we have to go do NOW for tomorrow for
the game and all…that we have to do NOW!â€￾ he stressed and I knew I had
to unhook him.

“Ooh the thing…â€￾ I looked at Jess, “we have a THING to do, will you excuse
us…â€￾ I asked as she looked disappointed.

“Oh of course, its fine…Justin will I see you later…â€￾ eww.

“Uhh…yeah…sure enjoy the rest of the shindig…â€￾ with that he placed his
hand on my back and basically pushed me through the crowd to the
balcony.

“Sweet Jesus…thank you…that woman.â€￾ He rolled his eyes at me. “I mean I
feel for her, her husband was a bastard to her…but dayum.â€￾

“What you didn’t wanna hook up with her?â€￾

“Hell no! I mean she's attractive…but sh** no.â€￾ he looked at me awkwardly
at that.

“Really? Anyone in particular you have in mind then???â€￾ I didn’t look at him,
I just leaned into the balcony and looked out at the beach, scattered with
lights and people.

“Noooo…not really, I mean there is this one woman, but I just don’t know…â€￾

“what don’t you know…â€￾

“If she's interested in me, I mean I like her and I think ive made it clear but
eh…she just a little closed.â€￾

Damn man….

“Really…â€￾

“Yeah, I don’t know what to do…â€￾

“Well maybe you could start by walking her to her hotel. Its late and she
doesn’t wanna walk by herself.â€￾

I smiled more so with anticipation, I had no idea what I was gonna do
when I got there but I was more than willing to find out.

******

The night’s air was a little cool, not so much that it was frosty but she
seemed to be a little chilly. So I did the typical gentleman thing and I
offered her my jacket. It spoiled her outfit but she thanked me, as we
padded our way across the beach her with her heels in her hand and my
PONY jacket on her shoulders.

“So did you have fun at the party? Mix and did all the things your boss
wants…you did it right?â€￾ she winked “I wouldn’t want you getting into
trouble or anything…â€￾

“Naw I had a good time, I was talking with Chris….with the rest of the
guys…I didn’t know they knew you…â€￾

“Oh yeah well ive been involved with a few of them – in a professional
manner of course for a few things, after show parties and such…â€￾

“One of which was fatal for you right?â€￾ I blurted, knowing that underneath
it, she appreciated honesty and I wasn’t about to mess around.

“What?â€￾

***

“Chris told me, the reason you went into rehab…you nearly died.â€￾ He
whispered.

“Did he now….well yeah I did, I was f***ed up for a long time. You know the reason….that was my wake up call…thankfully I wasn’t left damaged…
on the outside anyway…â€￾ she looked at me as we reached the
sidewalk. “Well im here now, if you wanna go back to the party….â€￾ I really
didn’t want to talk about that again, id done enough of soul bearing in the
last few days.

“No, no…I mean im here now I my as well walk you up the whole way….â€￾
He led the way up to the front entrance of the all but empty hotel…all but
for a few intoxicated girls.

“What room are you in again?â€￾ he asked as we hit the lift.

“23rd floor room 657.â€￾

“Ooh im on the 30 floor…â€￾

“Yeah I know you on the ahem…celebrity floor, we’ve f***ed you all up
there on that floor so us normal folk don’t have to look at you...â€￾

“You mean like usher, is he on my floor?â€￾

“I think so…â€￾
“Ooh so you know what room he’s in…Interesting.â€￾ He pouted still.

“Are you still on that…Please boy he and I DIDN’T hook up for the last
time?â€￾

“Well then why was he all over you like he was? I saw him, him and his
greasy little self just all up in your face…â€￾

“Why do you care???â€￾ she laughed off.

“Answer me, Nikki…â€￾

“I don’t know, maybe it was because id spent over $1000 dollars on this
dress, maybe he liked it on me…and actually said so.â€￾

“I said you looked good…â€￾ he looked confused. Men I swear.

“Yeah well for that amount of money I was expecting a little more of a
reaction…â€￾ I shrugged, clearly he wasn’t getting what I at.
At I reached my room door I searched through my tiny ass purse for the
damn key card.

“Well whatever thank you for walking me….â€￾



“Uhh you’re welcome?â€￾ he scratched his gelled curls.

“Well goodnight…â€￾ I opened the door and went to step through, only to be
halted by his hand on my arm.

“Are you mad at me?â€￾ he looked so damn adorable awkward.

“No im not mad at you, im mad at me if anything for letting this happen.â€￾ I
sighed.

“What? For letting what happen…â€￾

“This, for letting you get in my head…when I know all to well that we…
aren’t anything and never will be…im a stupid woman…â€￾ I walked into my
suite. Again not quiet celebrity status, but it had a small kitchenette and a
big room with the bed TV and all necessary items id been without days before.


“You’re not stupid Nik…I…wait why couldn’t we ever be anything?â€￾ he
asked sitting on my bed that I guessed room service had made up since I
hadn’t.

“We’re different, too different and we have to much sh** between us. Its
silly to even think…I mean what happened outside Georgia for example…in
a way it was fate that we didn’t get to go through with it…â€￾

“f*** that, it wasn’t fate it was Trace’s nosy ass that stopped it. Are you
saying had he not interrupted us that “fateâ€￾ would have stopped us from
having sex?â€￾

“Maybe…â€￾

“Maybe Nothin’ we were gonna do it and you know it….I wanted to you
wanted to that was it.â€￾

I didn’t look at him, he was right.

“Question is…â€￾ he got up and stood next me, close – maybe a little too
close. “Do you still want to?â€￾ it got to the point when I could feel his breath
on my face, even though I wasn’t looking at him. I had fixed my gaze on
the floor.

“Nikki look at me…â€￾ he hooked his finger under my chin and tilted it up
making me look at him.

“Do you…â€￾ he kissed me gently on the cheek till I looked at him, letting his
lips move over mine.

oooh, god.... </span></span>

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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Thu Dec 01, 2005 9:44 am

DOOOOOOOOOOO ITTTTTTTTTTTTT! :lol: Let's get it on, people. There has been so much built up tension since Trace had to ruin their little sex shindig. :rofl: I thought that they'd never get to this point and nobody better interrupt this time. :lol:

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Postby laura » Fri Dec 09, 2005 9:04 am

<span style='font-family:Times'>HEATHER???? :shrug: </span>

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Postby Angelpopstar7 » Fri Dec 16, 2005 3:39 am

sorry, Sorry, SORRY! I know I'm late again. I promise you have my full attention either tomorrow or this weekend because finals are over! :dance:

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Postby Angelpopstar7 » Mon Dec 19, 2005 11:42 am

Come on girl you know you want to say yes....come you know you want to :rofl: Damn Trace...he always has to ruin everything doesn't he? *tisk tisk* I can't believe that Nikki almosted oded....that's freakin' scary! At least she turned her life around ya know? MORE PLEASE!

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Postby laura » Thu Dec 22, 2005 10:44 am

<span style='color:red'><span style='font-family:Times'>The thing was, she did...she really did so when his hand slid from her chin where it had been for the three minutes it took to kiss her senseless she didnt protest.

It landed on the strap of her dress, “Have I told you just how absolutely amazing you look tonight…you were breathtaking….â€￾

She shivered at his kiss again, melting into his open arms. “Justin we can’t…â€￾

“Why?â€￾ he motioned again this time all but bumping her towards the bed again

“I…don’t know we just…â€￾ but with her talk her actions she said something totally different.

She kissed him harder than before, allowing now his hands to move from her shoulders down, over her sides and on the hem of her short dress. In all the commotion they fell back onto her bed. With a laugh more than anything, as his weight land on her.

“Oops, sorry…â€￾ he said.

She removed his shirt, leaving him in his jeans and wife beater.

She still had on her dress, since she had to undo it from behind she lifted her arms and turned herself around, allowing him to see what had to be done in order to get it off, he unhooked the silk weaving that held her gold gown together, as he did so he kiss the skin on her bank gently….

She thought it would be awkward, but then again why would it be, it wasn’t the first or even the second time they made love. The third time should be a doddle. Her hands did all the talking, they led his to the small straps of her dress that held her together, and made him take it off.

He noticeable smiled as she was left exposed to him,

“Now I don’t think its fair…â€￾ she nodded to his body, it being fully clothed and all…

“Oh, I see…well what are you gonna do about it.â€￾ That same sly smirk he wore all those years ago, it was back…

“What am I gonna do…â€￾ she reached for his top and yanked it over his head… “lets see…â€￾ she finished with the kiss that led to another, this one more urgent than the last, she was on her side him too, each second that passed they both could feel the room heat – or was it each other? Neither of them was sure at that point, and neither of them really cared.

With his nearest hand to her he slid it over her side, bringing her closer to him soon she was on top of him and like so long ago she was in control.

She kissed him deep again only this time it was earning her a small but noticeable moan. It caused her to laugh a little.

“What?â€￾

“Nothin’â€￾

“What was so funny then…â€￾ he kissed her again.

“The little sound you made…it was cute...â€￾

“Im not cute…woman!â€￾ She knew he always hated that label

“Surrre. Whatever you say baby…â€￾
“why cute…â€￾

“Because you are, you can’t help that darlin’…â€￾ he kissed her again in order to shut her up more than anything. “You’re too pretty to be manly, suck it up…â€￾ she laughed.

“Shhh….â€￾ He ordered, as he made his way down her figure…with each kiss she could feel her resistance slipping. She wanted to be strong, not such a woman. But there was just this thing with him that made it really very difficult – with one look the strongest of women would no doubt go weak at the knees.

She wasn’t any different sad to say, nor was she any different when it came to the act of making love with him. It wasn’t any different to what people with certain need and chemistry had been doing for thousands of year, but with him in that moment. It all felt so new, like she was discovering for the first time in a long time. Possibly ever what it was like to be completely comfortable with someone. Someone who knew her, not entirely but more so than anyone ever could know someone.

%%%%%%

Connecting with her was indescribable. Not different not strange just better than anything he could remember. Then again the only sex hed had in over two years had been the unattached, almost mechanical sex, unemotional. To serve its purpose, this was so much more. This had meaning, he was sure. He felt things he hadn’t felt, hadn’t allowed himself to feel in so long. She knew him, the real him. No one else ever did the way she did. She knew and yet she still wanted him. That was something he never thought he’d experience again.



As they laid there, in the usual silence that followed such an act, with nothing but the cool night air flowing through the half opened window to accompany them.

“Im sleepy now…â€￾ she said with a yawn cuddling into him under her fluffy covers.
“Glad to hear it…â€￾ he giggled. “Now that you mention it, I am too.â€￾ He smiled down at her, her hair all messed and her skin warm like his.

“Do you want me to stay here?â€￾

“No ive gotten what I wanted you can go…â€￾ she said in the most serious tone she could hold. Knowing given their past he’d sweat just a little.

“Uhh…â€￾ he squirmed.

“Im kidding Jesus…stay with me, I don’t want you to leave yet.â€￾ I pushed him down to where he laid before.

“Don’t do that to me lady…I really thought you wanted me gone….â€￾

“I know, im awesome like that….â€￾ she smiled smugly and laid down again too.

“You know we’ve never done this before…â€￾

“Yes we have dumbass when - â€￾

“No, I mean this…the aftermath thing, we never really got down to it when we hooked up before, did we. I like this….â€￾ He said playing with strands of her hair.

“Really now…I never took you for such a sap….most dudes hate the obligatory cuddle…I must say you do it well...â€￾

“Why thank you…â€￾ he mocked in a funny accent. “Now I think we need sleep before we die, don’t you???â€￾

Yeah sleep was a good idea….a really good idea.

***

Ringing that what he heard, in his sleep there was this massive ringing noise. Again and again…

No, it was just any ringing it was her alarm clock. So he opened his previously comfortably shut eyes to look for the damn thing and shut it off, the room got brighter. Way too bright for him any way.

“Uhh…6:30, woman why?â€￾ he asked, realising she wasn’t there. “Nikki?â€￾ he all but yelled, still no answer. “sh**.â€￾

“Language boy…â€￾ he heard coming from the bathroom direction. “you have to get up, the boys are coming to your room at 7 and im guessing if your not there they are gonna guess something’s up…â€￾ she came into view then, all glossy and fresh looking in her white tank and cropped army pant combo, her long blonde hair tied in a big pony tail and her makeup on but minimum.

“How do you manage to look like that at this time of day, on three hours sleep? It’s not natural you know that right?â€￾ I pulled the covers over me again, the breeze hitting me a little too hard.

“Because I have a job to do and I am nothing if not a professional…that and there is nearly a bathtub worth of coffee in that kitchen.â€￾ She laughed kneeling onto the bed with me.

“Are you getting up…?â€￾

“No…come back to bed…please?â€￾ I said from under the blankets. Then I saw her poke her head in there too.

“Nope…come on, shift your ass!â€￾

“Shift it for me…â€￾ I cackled causing her to inch me out of the bed, further and further until I landed on the floor…causing her to laugh at me really loud.

“Awe baby are you okay?â€￾ her head came over the edge, and I reached for her shoulders pulling her down on me with a thump.

“Ouch!!!â€￾

“Ha, I am now!!â€￾ so there we were, childish and more than likely bruises the size of Texas on our asses, laughing at nothing only our own stupidity.

“Ok…I give up…..â€￾ I relented “Ill get up. What are we doing today?â€￾

“Well you have another press conference thing it’s only gonna last about fifth teen minutes then there's the -â€￾

“No…Not what the boys and me are doin’ what are WE doin….â€￾ I clarified.

“Ooh you mean there's more to what happened last night? I mean I thought now…we used up all our “tension cardsâ€￾ last night, again and again…and oh yeah again.â€￾ She smiled up at me, as she tried not to ruin her hair.

“Well if that’s what you think then….your wrong….â€￾
“am I now…that’s interesting. Well now see here I was thinking that the booty was all you wanted….â€￾ She mused in a more comical way than anything.

“Now your booty is worth it, but your brain is a tiny bit more interesting….â€￾

She was silent, which led me to believe that she wasn’t aware of what I was asking.

“Nikki I don’t want whatever this is to be just about – sex. Not this time….this last few days, all we’ve been through, everything…I just, well despite the moments…of insanity. Ive really enjoyed getting to know you, finally.â€￾

Still on the floor, still in each others arms. She was still unspoken.

“I see…â€￾

“What do you think…?â€￾ I asked again.

“Can we see how things go? I mean I want to…see…but I don’t want to label it just yet.â€￾

“That’s fine sweetheart, its fine. I mean the last thing I wanna do is screw it up…whatever it is…â€￾

“Good…so now, lets get up and get you to your room before Lance comes a knockin’ okay…â€￾

“Okayâ€￾ she got up and helped me up too. “Boy your still naked….â€￾ She smiled “aren’t you cold…â€￾

“I am is it noticeable?â€￾ I looked down at myself. She just walked to the other side of the room “No you really wouldn’t…â€￾ she smiled again walking out the door “see you soon.â€￾



The kick-off press conference for the second and final day went off well, better than well actually. There was buzz, excitement…everything you’d expect in the light of a new album. Thankfully, I was so sure it would be a tank. That no one would be concerned, in the news that we were gonna get together again. But thank the lord there was.

For all our sakes, and our sanity.

Again she wasn’t around much after I got back to my un-slept in room after what was possibly the best sex – ever. Not an exaggeration I can tell you. More so I couldn’t stop smiling and it took all my power not to tell anyone what had happened.

She was in demand on her cell, organising meet and greets with the other organisers, basically being amazing….yeah I was side tracked with the love…wait love??? Did I just think that?

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&</span></span>

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Postby laura » Thu Dec 22, 2005 10:47 am

<span style='font-family:Times'>double update because i love yall.....oh and i wont get to see the feedback until jan, sooo HEATHER no rush this time! but if you want i can access my YAHOO address if you really wanna keep me living!! <span style='color:blue'>

I was genuinely busy; I didn’t want to be for the first time ever. I wanted to spend time with him; I knew what I was doing and no matter how I tried not to I was getting emotionally attached, not such a good thing since I was flying out to New York the day after, I was going home. That was the plan, I was initially needed for those two days…the four before was vacation time – don’t ask me why I decided to spent it driving to Miami….But now? Well now I had a reason to stay, or at the very least – to not wanna go.

During the second day, they did their thing and I did mine. Only this time I hurried with the after party arrangements. On another section of the beach this club was even more “happeningâ€￾ I was told than the other….either way I didn’t care where it was, my job was to promote and organize, to line up the pap’s and order the greeting staff.

The turn out was insane so you know the need for “fanâ€￾ tickets was at an all time high. I also made a little on the net, giving some VIP tickets away to a lucky few.

I bumped into him more than a few times over the course of the morning; I even made it to the basketball and baseball game in the afternoon. And with out gushing, I was more than a little impressed at his ability – the boy could jump!

But again I had a job to do, and I couldn’t drool over him all day as nice as it was.

So when it hit to after 8 I knew where id find him, at dinner. That boy was hungry, he was always hungry. I called him first though to make sure.

“Where are you?â€￾

“Im in my room, why where are you?â€￾ he sounded busy.

“In my room…im just getting ready for the group dinner, are you gonna show?â€￾ I asked him before I buckled my shoe with one hand – cell phone attached to the other.

“Are you on your own Nik?â€￾

“No I have 3 hot guys here and we’re about to have the best sex ever….what do you think?â€￾ I laughed.

“well I think maybe we have at least half an hour before we’re “Lateâ€￾ for dinner…maybe I should call over…â€￾ he sblacked.

“Or maybe I should go and ill see you down there?â€￾ I countered.

“Aww…come on I haven seen you all day?â€￾
“Well then ill solve that…â€￾I teased

“Oooh?â€￾

“Yeah, ill see you in the dining room in ten minutes…â€￾ at that I laughed and hung up, legging it out the door.

***

I didn’t want “dinnerâ€￾ with her, dinner involved other people. I didn’t want that.

We had this tendency to have to talk to other people, other people that didn’t know that we were….whatever we’re doing.

I know I said love, but I didn’t mean it…No I really didn’t- aw forget it…I don’t know what I meant, but I was willing to find out which was more than I had been in a long time.

I knew she was leaving the next day, I knew it but I was avoiding thinking about.



I didn’t want her to leave, I think that was obvious….maybe not to her…I had to change that. But at the same time I knew she had her life to get back to she was a busy woman, and me? Well I was rebuilding and getting ready to record this long awaited album…and I was dreading it.

I will fully admit that I hadn’t got a clue as to what was happening….for the first time ever. Pathetic I know, but as I said I was rebuilding and that was one area of my life that needed a complete overhaul.

She was another part of my life that I was willing to work on too. It would be easy by any means but I was hoping.

I joined everyone at the dining table everyone being the guys, Johnny, a few of the other organizers and reps for other charities and a few other hangers on that id never seen before.

“Hey…â€￾ JC rhymed off as did everyone when I took my seat.

“Hi…am I late?â€￾

“Naw, we’re just all surprisingly early….what took you so long any way? I know you like you primp like a girl but dude you’re usually the first one here…â€￾ he laughed as did everyone else, though not when I whacked him across the head.

“Shut up man, I was busy.â€￾

“With nikki??â€￾ he whispered.

“What?â€￾

“well its…I saw you leave with her last night, so I figured you two hooked up…â€￾ sh** was I that obvious? “Maybe I was wrong…sorry…â€￾ he finished sipping on his bud.

“It’s not that, it’s just…hard to explain.â€￾ I offered not really knowing why….maybe it was that urge to tell everyone that had been eating away at me.

“So you did hook up with her?â€￾ his eye widened at me as he scooted closer “did you? Cause man she is f***ing hot!â€￾

“Josh…im serious. I mean we did but it wasn’t…I mean hell I don’t know what it is. But its serious.â€￾ He knew I only used his “nameâ€￾ name when I serious.

“Okay? What is it then do you think maybe?â€￾

“See the thing is with me and Nikki…â€￾
“Nikki…â€￾ he repeated.
“Yes nikki who’d you think I was talking about…â€￾
“Noâ€￾ he looked over my shoulder “NIKKI, hey girl…sit down.â€￾ sh**, I didn’t know she was behind us or more the point me…I really hoped she wasn’t listening…

I turned around to see her taking the seat next to me, looking simply stunning – again. She sure was having that hypnotizing effect on me; every time id see her some kind of trance like mode came over me.

“so did everyone order yetâ€￾ she began glancing at her menu as I cleared my throat slightly trying to find a moment when I wasn’t being involved in everyone else’s conversation so that I could maybe start one with her…

“Nik is there anyway we could…talk to night…â€￾

“We’re talking right now boy? Duh…â€￾ she smiled “whats on your mind…â€￾

“Youâ€￾ I whispered turning completely to her so no one knew what I was saying.

“Is that right…â€￾ she played with her champagne glass again not looking me in the eye.

“Yeah it is, I think we should…try and maybe make some sort of plan maybe…â€￾

“Regards to what?â€￾ she said again this time making sweet eye contact with me

“Well…this us thing…â€￾ I babbled “I mean I know your going home and im going home and our homes are on the opposite ends of the country…so im just-â€￾

“YO’ Justin….â€￾ I heard my name yelled from the other end of the table. It was Joey.

“Yeah?â€￾

“Come on we’re needed for a photo op thing, it’s just outside…â€￾ JC looked at me and shrugged “don’t they know we’re in the middle of dinner?â€￾

“Yeah but they said it would be quick….â€￾ He shrugged to and I knew the man liked his meals, he wasn’t about to miss a free one.

“Nik, ill be right back.â€￾ I assured her with a smile before I rejoined the boys to make silly poses.

I despised photo calls. No matter how quick they said it always ended up longer.

****
Okay so it wasn’t so much that I was avoiding the topic of an “usâ€￾ with him it was more like I “ra-elly didn’t want to talk about itâ€￾ sure it was nice that he and I were cool, and civil and all, and he was sweet and I was happy the sex was even better that I remembered and just think I got pregnant last time – and we were inexperienced then, imagine what we could achieve now?

But regardless of all a that, I was still extremely – scared.

Yes I was scared, not of him…not of us…But of myself.

I had this tendency to ruin whatever I touched in my personal life…always. Friendships, lovers…family…it all no matter how much I wanted it to work, it just didn’t with me.

Now that I had him, his trust and his all…I didn’t want to lose that. Now you see why I left dinner, left the hotel and went for a very long lonely walk alone the never ending beach….not telling anyone…

****

When I got back from the “5 minute – that turned into a half hourâ€￾ photo call. She was gone, which surprised me a little. But the girls id seen her hang with didn’t seem to know where she went, and I couldn’t exactly go around asking everyone where she was – that would have blown my cover for sure.

But I still wanted to see her. So having established she wasn’t in her room or at the next stop “partyâ€￾ place or answering her cell…the only other place I could try.

The walk took me about ten minutes of trotting through the bloody sand shoes still attached and now full of the crumpling crap! But then I saw her, just sitting there not really doing anything except looking out towards the vast waters.

“You left….â€￾ I announced as I sat down next to her.

“I know…sorry…â€￾

“Don’t be, it was boring as hell with those photo dudes…you know how damn anal they are.â€￾

“Yeah…â€￾ her tone was unemotional I didn’t really know how to change it.

“Are you alright?â€￾

“Why?â€￾

“Cuz you sound…sad.â€￾

“Im not sad, im just thinking about stuff…you mostly.â€￾

“Me?â€￾ I smiled “really…â€￾ she laid down completely on the sand, I mimicked her position.

“Justin I know you wanna talk and define us and stuff because you mom told me you do that, you need labels…see I don’t, but if you wanna know what we are….well I cant tell you because I don’t know.â€￾

“I see…â€￾ I didn’t, I don’t know why she was so “in deepâ€￾ about it, it wasn’t like I wanted us to run off together and make babies….well more babies. No more depressing thoughts.

Positive….

“Nikki I don’t need you to define us, but I WANT to know if when we’re done here…that we have a…chance?â€￾ that’s all I wanted to know.

After our extended conversation on the sandy ass beach. We made our way back to the hotel. The only party that night was joeys, and she wasn’t needed for that. So I made a small time attendance out of courtesy more than anything else. Then I hot footed it straight back to her.

“You didn’t have to come back just to see me, im sure there are so many people looking for you.â€￾ She said sitting Indian style on the bed slipping through the TV stations as I sat on the chair next to her.

“Well I wanted too…if you want me to leave…â€￾ I offered to get up.

“No, I don’t want you to leave…sit, talk to me. How did the games go, for you I mean…I saw that it went well from the outside…but…â€￾

“It was cool…tiring but cool. The crowds seemed to really enjoy it so; I guess its all good!â€￾ I crawled on to the bed with her, and surprisingly she welcomed my embrace.

“And that’s the important thing; I mean it is what this whole thing was for….â€￾

“That’s right…â€￾ I said running my fingers through her slightly damp hair as she rested her head on my chest, suddenly she started laughing.

“What?â€￾

“Nothin I was just thinking…â€￾ she said absently running her fingers over the Nike logo on my t-shirt.

“Okay? Something funny?â€￾

“Well, it’s just this….if someone told me a week ago you and I would be….Like this with each other, I would have laughed at them….then seeked professional help for them….â€￾ She giggled again, a motion that caused her chest to rumble against mine.

“Is it bad thing though?â€￾

“Naw it’s not bad at all…awkward maybe but not bad…I mean I still have worries, I mean one real obvious one – im going home tomorrow.â€￾

Yeah I was avoiding that topic like mental when she couldn’t answer me on the beach, I wasn’t sure I wanted to push her for a definite answer.

“I know…â€￾

“I know that too, and I know that when I didn’t answer you tonight…well that it may have aroused doubt? But don’t doubt okay? I like you…a lotâ€￾ she smiled as she blushed, I didn’t know something like that could cause her to blush. “And I know you know that, but it’s just not gonna be easy. My question is J, do you think all the “hardâ€￾ we’ll go through, I mean is it worth it?!â€￾

She lean up on the bed, looking directly at me, when I fell silent she seemed, well really pissed off.

“You know what forget it, what was I thinking of course you don’t, im sorry for even-“

“Girl, stop…okay look nothin and I mean nothinâ€￾ I told her earnestly “would make me happier than to do “thisâ€￾ â€￾ I motioned to her and me “for real with you…but I just think that as much as I want it, I have to be real about it. Nikki im a recovering drug addict, so are you…that will never change and right now I think that with all that you have going and all I have goingâ€￾ I breathed, not quiet believing I was saying what I was saying. “I just…don’t think that it would be fair to either of us to add that pressure to everything else….â€￾

She just blinked, “I see…â€￾

“I mean I like you so much and I would love to do this, but I don’t want to do this if I cant do it right, I f***ed up with you before. I don’t want to do that again…Not now when we’ve overcome all our sh**, I don’t wanna create a reason for us to hate each other….â€￾

I was right to tell her wasn’t I? I mean I didn’t wanna mess it up….

“So you’re saying that in order not to give us a chance to hate each other your not giving us the chance to love each other…â€￾

She said love; my heart I swear skipped a beat.

“Well…â€￾ I didn’t know what to say.

She didn’t give me another second to ramble; she just got off the bed.

“Justin I think you should go…â€￾ she stood hands on hips.

“What?â€￾

“I want you to leave….look I get it okay, I jumped when I shouldn’t have, I thought….oh never mind what I thought….its…you’re right it would be too much “pressureâ€￾ so leave….â€￾

“Nikki come on you know what im saying here, its not that I don’t want to be with you I DO! But I just…â€￾

“Cant…â€￾ she finished for me “I get it believe me…â€￾

“Im not leaving…â€￾ I stood up beside her and stood my ground.

“Fine, then ill leave…â€￾ she just turned on her heel and walked out of the room, slamming the door as she did so.

I don’t really think she realised that we were in HER hotel room.

********************





I was so furious at him, I mean he practically led me to believe that this was what he wanted, it was the only damn reason that I relaxed with him like I did…Jesus men I swear they really are as dumb as they look and completely good for nothing!!! NOTHING!

Well okay, one thing but lets face it that nowhere near makes up for all the things they aren’t good at…

UGH!

When I left the room, I just walked – well stomped really my way out of the hotel. In my shorts tank and flip-flops. I must have looked a sight. But at that second I didn’t care.

What I did care about was him, and he was too much of a guy to even notice.

I mean yes in a way he had a small teeny tiny point as to why we may not have been such a good idea. But the fact that he wasn’t even willing to take a chance on me…us. Well it sucked! He sucked and at that moment I didn’t ever wanna see him again, I was I assured myself only going to surround myself with smart, self aware “Not dumbassâ€￾ people. He wasn’t one of them!

*****

So she left, and yeah ill admit I was just as mad at her. Surely her of all people knew where I was coming from….or not, she was a woman it was after all her prerogative to be difficult if she wanted too. And she definitely wanted to.

I waited all night for her to come back; I did everything to amuse myself while I called her cell three million times, but no good. I even im ashamed to say…snooped. Little things she had lying around the room, second cell phone, and address book – that girl knew some people! Then there was this little pink thing just peeking from her bag and I was bored…so I looked.

It was photos…of us mostly. When we were kids, us, trace, and nick that summer….it was sweet that she kept them, and even sweeter that she still had them with her. While I waited I had time to think, I thought so much that I feel asleep and missed her when she came in because when she did, I must have been in a deep sleep I didn’t know what time she’d come in but when I woke up the next morning, she was there laying next to me curled up on her side fully dressed on top of the covers.

I gently ran my hands along hers, it was then I knew…but was too stupid to say it.

I was falling in love with her.

She woke up, when she I guess sensed me looking at her.

“Hey…â€￾ she said groggy.

“Hi…â€￾ she turned to me.

“You stayed….i didn’t think you’d stay…â€￾ she said again as she got up, her hair all on end messed and cute. Though by the frantic way she went about fixing it she didn’t think so.

“I waited for you; I need to tell you-â€￾ she hushed with her hands

“Its okay, I get it…I do understand. And having thought about it, I know that you are right – for once. A co-dependant relationship isn’t the best thing…so that’s it.â€￾

Wow it couldn’t be…

“No nikki I-â€￾

“No, Justin please don’t make it harder okay. You were right cant we just leave it at that.â€￾ she walked over to me, and kissed me once.

“Now I have to get ready for my flight….you should go.â€￾



Just as I was about to confess my love for her, wouldn’t you know it. The damn phone again. I wanted to ignore it but it was Trace and as such his ring tone was – what else PIMP (50 cent) and that I just didn’t want to listen to it.

“WHAT?â€￾

“Don’t what me a**hole. Our ride to the airports leaving in fifteen, im in your room your sh** is packed…where the hell are you…â€￾ he sprouted off in his usual manner

“Im…Ill be there in a minute.â€￾ I nodded to Nikki, who still looked at me, a hint of sadness in her eyes as she rolled them as she grabbed the cell.

“Trace he’s in my room…he was saying goodbye, come and get him will you…â€￾

“Okay?â€￾ he said to her, I heard him over the line “im on my way.â€￾ With that she handed me back the phone, I simply flipped it shut.

“What the hell…â€￾

“You have to go….i have to go and that’s that…â€￾ she shrugged “thanks for a great week J….really.â€￾ she smiled genuinely and it killed me, as she hugged me tight allowing me to get another whiff of that sexy perfume of hers. I knew it; all I had to do was just say it… I love you…Stay with me...DONT LEAVE....

But then this was me we were talking about I hadn’t told anyone except my mother that I loved them in a very long time, but I still wanted to.

With the knock on the door, she went to open it. Smiled and greeted my friend.

“Well baby I don’t know….at the start of this week I wanted to kill you for sticking me with him over there…â€￾ she said loud enough to be heard over my breaking heart across the room.

“But now…well I guess I should thank you. Your little plan workedâ€￾
No kidding.

“So your both cool then?â€￾ he said as he strutted into the hotel room with his Memphis hat still on sideways.

“Jâ€￾

“Yeah we’re cool….â€￾

“Good, well dude we really gotta go, Eric and Tony are taking our cars back to Memphis…then they’re flying back to LA for that MTV thing y’all got next week. So…â€￾ he motioned to the door.

“Nikki girl it was real good seeing you againâ€￾ he smirked still not having a clue what he set in motion.

“You too midget…take of this one will you?â€￾ she pointed to me; I hadn’t found my voice still.

“I will if he ever moves….â€￾ I decided to move towards the door with him, still not taking my eyes off her…

She mouthed a “byeâ€￾ to me, and I wanted to die.

*****

In the time that it took him to leave, with each passing second I felt weaker. I didn’t want him to be gone, to not be there….a week ago I couldn’t stand to be in the same room with him – now? I couldn’t stand the room with out him in it.

Pathetic huh? The man didn’t even care enough about me to even do something….and here I was breaking my heart that he was going….

I needed my head checked.

I moped, I showered packed and got the call that my car was waiting for me at the front entrance.

I double checked that I had everything; I thought I did so I was happy enough. I went on my merry way, airport and New York City bound. It was hell….he was all I could think about.

Jackass….

*****



We reached the airport fans a plenty. But I wasn’t really in the mood, so I let JC do his thing instead I simply slunked away until we reached our private plane.

“So j…what you think…â€￾

“What? Am sorry I was…â€￾ I snapped out of my daze as Trace nudged me, obviously wanting my opinion on something.

“You were spaced out just like you’ve been most of the damn flight…whats up?â€￾

“With me? Nothing… Im just tired, it’s been a tough weekend.â€￾

“Where were you last night?â€￾ he asked eyeing me

“Why?â€￾

“Nothing you just left the party real early…and your room, well you didn’t sleep in your own bed…so where were you.â€￾

Little sh** had me there.

“I was just out…â€￾

“Yeah I get that…so who was she?â€￾ he smiled in that sly guy way he always did when the subject of the ladies came up.

“She was….no one.â€￾

“Not great huh….â€￾

“No it’s not that…its just she wasâ€￾ NIKKI SHE WAS NIKKI. “Never mind…um can we go over the schedule again man…â€￾ I tired to stop the conversation and move on; work was the best way I could think off.

$$$$$$$

Getting back to New York was hard. I mean sure I had my job, and my friends and my amazing Park Avenue appartment, but I don’t know…I felt different.

Alone mostly. In a city of millions and here I was feeling like I was in a room alone.

Weird I know.

I guess I missed him; I contemplated calling more than once. But then id remember that he didn’t want “added pressureâ€￾ so I decided against it – no matter how drunk I was.

“so Nikki girl what is up with you…â€￾ my lovely yet slightly insane friend Kate called me out of the kitchen of my appartment.

“What…â€￾ I handed her the wine id retrieved and took my seat on my three seater leather cream sofa.

“This like…three weeks, you’ve been a total space cadet! I mean your late for work, constantly preoccupied…are you okay?â€￾

“I am im just a little…â€￾

“A little?â€￾ she pushed

“Just have a lot on my brain…that’s all.â€￾ I took a large sip of my wine.

“Woman you don’t fool me, who is he…it is a guy isn’t it?â€￾

“No, well….â€￾ I was never one not to share.

“WHO? Eww its not whatshisname, the club owner computer geek…say it isn’t…â€￾ she turned up her new nose at me.

“He’s not a geek, he’s a genius actually…but no it’s not him, its someone else…from a long time ago…we met up again recently and I don’t know he’s been all I can think about ever since.â€￾

Her mood picked up instantly. “Is he cute? Funny? Rich?â€￾

“Is that your boxes…?â€￾ I asked

“Well yeah girl, if he's cute and rich I can live without funny for funny I can watch Chris rock, if hes funny and rich I can encourage plastic surgery….â€￾

“And if hes not rich?â€￾

“Then he a’int dating me!!â€￾ she laughed loud. “But seriously whats this dude like…â€￾

“He’s…its hard to explain. We haven’t seen each other in a while, until recently I mean and then suddenly is like WHAM you know? He's cute – definitely attractive…and he does have a wicked sense of humour….â€￾

“Is he poor?â€￾ she asked again. Shallow as hell.

“No he isn’t, but that’s your box I don’t tick it…it wouldn’t matter….hes passionate about what he does and I admire that…â€￾

“So what does he do? Who is this dude that has you all GAGA.â€￾

“Im not gaga im just, interested is all…and he's a singerâ€￾ I loved her but I knew she was a blab so I didn’t wanna go too far.

“Would I know him?â€￾

“I don’t know some have heard of him…that’s all im saying…now, can we please go out…I need to dance away my blues…â€￾ I smiled and got up, fixed my skirt and fluffed my hair. I needed to be with my people – the party people.



The thing about “NAâ€￾ in New York it was always crammed, not with your usual suspects of drunken bank investors trying to be cool, but those of us that were considered cool simply because we didn’t try.

Kate as usual did the bar thing as I struggled to get inside without meeting someone I knew…

“Nikki!!!â€￾ I heard practically screamed from across the room, it was non other than my old “Substance abuse buddyâ€￾ Nicole Ritchie. The girl, who I adored! Got clean shortly after me, and like me she hasn’t looked back since, unlike me she was happy and in love and engaged.

Something I envied.

“Lady I haven’t seen you in too long!â€￾ I offered with a hug “how are you?â€￾

“Awesome! I have so much to tell you! We really need to catch up…on everythingâ€￾

“Tell me about it, I barely have a moment to myself these days! Who are you here with?â€￾
“My manâ€￾ she smiled “he’s dJ-ing here tonight so im just being my groupie lil self and grooving, you see who’s here?â€￾ she rolled her eyes, which I knew meant only one person.

“Paris?â€￾

“YES, whore…I swear she makes this big deal about it being me who ended us you know, when we all know it was her….tramp.â€￾

“Nic…come on…I think you’ve known her your entire life isn’t there any way-â€￾

“She tried to sleep with my boyfriend Nikki just because she got resentful that I got clean and skinny again I mean it’s pathetic! I can’t forgive that.â€￾ she rolled her eyes again

“Ok….no forgiving but for tonight can we forget her? Dance with me…I love this songâ€￾ I noted as Pussycat dolls “don’t’chaâ€￾ came on the sound system and she dragged me on to the dance floor to shake our stuff….

Not to be a b****, but to quote her “formerâ€￾ friend, it was HOT!

******

“I was like Na-ah it was not my fault…and she was like “uh ya it was,â€￾ and I was like “Omygod it was like so not my fault….â€￾ You know what im saying.â€￾ She twirled her long and evidently fake blonde hair at me as she sipped her flirt-tennie.

“Uhh yeah so it was her fault right?â€￾ I added absently looking around the crowded club.

“Uhh YEAH, I mean she and I where HOT and let’s face she’d be nothing if it wasn’t for me! I made her…slut...â€￾

As I sat there willing god to strike me down I wondered, should I have called her, Nikki that is. I mean id be lying if I said the reason I volunteered to “visitâ€￾ TRL in NYC was for the promotion value, she was the reason and that was the excuse. Unfortunately I was chicken sh**. I hadn’t called her since Miami and she hadn’t either….so I was scared, what did I end up doing?

Yeah I called Paris, and since I knew she never stays at home, I knew she’d be up for some club hopping….Now I was wishing I hadn’t, it was torture.

“Justin are you listening to me…â€￾

NO

“Uhh yes of course…â€￾

“So like I was saying I mean now she has the cheek to show up at the club on the night she knows ill be here…I mean what the hell…â€￾

“Uh huh…â€￾ go away…. “Paris will you excuse me, I really gotta use the bathroom ill be right back.â€￾ I added walking as fast as I could to the VIP bathrooms. Anything for a breather from that woman…I mean I was all for talkative girls, but I was hoping for a topic with a little more relevance than and “OMYGODâ€￾ every five seconds….i wanted to run!

Just as I did my thing and began to make my way out of the corridor of bathrooms my head filled with reasons why I had to leave suddenly…I slam into some one.

“Oh sorry I didn’t see you-â€￾ I looked at the blonde wiping her drink that id spilled down her black lace top.

“Nikki.â€￾

“Ooh…hi…you ruined my top by the way?â€￾ she smiled and continued wiping “how’ve you been?â€￾

Ok she didn’t seem at all surprised to see me; I was shocked as hell to see her.

“Uh ive been fine, busy but fine you know im sure.â€￾ I looked her over, she’d had her long hair cut in to what I think they called a “BOBâ€￾ do….it shaped her face and it made her even more sexy, if that was possible.

“I cut my hair…â€￾ she volunteered as she caught me looking as she sleeked it down with her hand, in a self conscious way. It was cute that she was nervous about it.

“I see that, it looked great really suits you…So…who are you here with?â€￾ lame attempt at conversation I know.

“No one really, a few friends but nothing solid…just hanging…mostly dancing…you?â€￾

“Uhhâ€￾ I laughed “some one I wish I wasn’t here with….â€￾

“Paris?â€￾ she inserted with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah how’d…â€￾

“I saw y’all from the booth across from mine, you did look like you wanted someone to kill you…it cant be all that bad…â€￾ she laughed at me…she was laughing at me.

“Trust me it is that bad…and then some. Wait if you saw me, how come you didn’t come over to at least say hi?â€￾

“Oh, well I uhh…you might have been on a date and I didn’t want to interrupt…so I didn’t think you’d want me to –“

“I always want you….â€￾ I said before realising how it sounded so I quickly back peddled “to come over and say hi…I mean we’re friends….its what friends do….â€￾ I added with a cheesy wink.

“Yeah…well I mean I think she's gonna be wondering what happened to you…shouldn’t you get back…â€￾

“God please…don’t make me go back in there…â€￾

“She’s your date you can’t just ditch her….â€￾ She reasoned

“She’s not my date, I said we’d hang out there was never any dating agreement…â€￾ I clarified

“Does she know that…â€￾ she leaned against the pink wall, drink in one had.

“I don’t care….â€￾ I shrugged “I really wanna just go, anywhere…â€￾ she looked me up and down with that “I don’t approveâ€￾ look that she had.

“I guess if you wanted, you could come with me….Im going for a bite to eat in a few with the girls…â€￾

“Who are the girls?â€￾

“Nicole Ritchie and my friend Kate ford…your welcome to come if you want…and look at it this way, it'll piss miss Hilton off to know end…â€￾ she smiled sneakily.

I liked her style, “give me five minutes, ill meet you at the door…no give me two…â€￾ I said as I all but sprinted for freedom.

“At the door, okay…â€￾ she repeated her smile almost matching mine…humm I wonder what that meant.





Less than seven minutes later we were out the door and into one of the many a waiting cabs to take us all down town, they didn’t seem to serve semi drunken people food at that post mark. We need one thing grease, and lots of food fried in it.

“Justin tell me, now what were you doin’ handing out with that whore…I mean boy you could do so much better.â€￾ Nicole began to rant.

“Well…â€￾

“Na I mean really…she's as dumb as a post, looks like one too…there are lots of girls who you could hang with that think you’re a cutie….me for instance…â€￾ she smiled as he looked at me awkwardly.

“Aren’t you engaged?â€￾ I added a little more defensively than id have liked.

“Well yeah but cant I flirt just a little…â€￾

“No you cant, your boy is waiting for you at NA, you better meet his ass or Paris might just make her move againâ€￾ I teased as everyone laughed.

“She wouldn’t dare!!â€￾

“She mightâ€￾ Justin added “she said when I said I was leaving that she was gonna find some other guy to hang with, right away it seemed like…â€￾

We all saw Nicole’s eyes widen, “oh no she isn’t STOP THE CAR!â€￾

“Girl we were kidding where are you goin’â€￾
I gotta get out, we’re not that far are we…â€￾ she looked out the fogged up window “babe ill see you later, call me tomorrow…Kate…cya…Justinâ€￾ she smiled “if I break up with his ass when I get there ill call you even sooner…â€￾ she winked and hopped out of the semi stopped car.

“That girl…â€￾ he said with a sigh “she is insane isn’t she?â€￾

“Almost there, as far as I can tell any way…â€￾ I laughed as Kate confirmed his idea.

When we finally reached the spot that held the pancakes from heaven I offered to pay the cab, to be almost dragged from my purse by Justin “woman put your money away, for god’s sake!â€￾

And I did as I was told, for once anyway.

We sat and waited for our order, chatted about random things mainly because we had another person at the table it was real hard not to tell him what I wanted to tell him…

Which was a good thing I guess since I had no clue what to say to him…?

Kate being her usual self flirted outrageously with him, like I wasn’t even at the damn table. He of course luckily acted as oblivious to it as he could….i would have kicked his ass if he hadn’t.

He did his share of secret flirting you could say with me too. The whole under the table footsie thing was extremely distracting, then there was the look…you know the look, the one that makes you go all funny no matter how grown you are, it’s the one thing men have that I don’t think any woman could match…

Kate still had no idea…I think.

“So Justin are you single?â€￾ she asked bluntly.

“Uhh, why? He asked again digging into his stack of pancakes.

“Just wondering, I mean it seems such a shame…after everything you got goin’ with your work life and you can’t mange to keep a relationship…â€￾

Like I said- as blunt as a hammer.

“Kate!!â€￾ I tried to rescue him.

“What? I was just wondering…I mean there was that bunny girl right, what happened to her?â€￾

“KATE!â€￾

“Naw it’s alright Nikki…she and I weren’t really that serious…it wasn’t something I was invested in…â€￾

“She wasn’t the one…â€￾ he looked at me as Kate kept on talking.

“No, she wasn’t the one…â€￾

Kate ate a little then just sprang up “Nikki I need the bathroom…â€￾ she demanded

“So….â€￾

“Sooo come with me…â€￾ so I did…

“Ill be right back…â€￾ I told him as he looked at us both apparently amused.



“So what do you think of him…I like him, isn’t he hot…â€￾ she said as she primped for England without letting me get a word in edgeways.

“Uhh well…â€￾
“I think he is, didn’t he seem like he was into me…I mean he did didn’t he?â€￾ again she rubbed and fluffed her hair like she was preparing for damn Miss America.

“You know him right? Is he a good guy, or is he a player….â€￾

“Well he's…â€￾

“Yeah I thought he looked to nice to be a player, uhh either way…I think im gonna ask him out.â€￾
“Kate its 3; 24 in the morning where y’all gonna go…â€￾

“Back to my place…â€￾ she giggled. “Thanks Nikki you’ve helped me a lot her. Now please do me one favour….â€￾

“What?â€￾

“Stay in here for like five minutes so I can ask him…â€￾

Oh no she didn’t…

“Are you serious…?â€￾ I asked putting on a little lip gloss.

“Totally. Five minutes should be enough…then ill see you tomorrow hopefully.â€￾ And with that she sped out the green door of the ladies room, I wanted to wig her.

There she was gonna seduce MY man….well okay so technically he wasn’t mine, but he wasn’t hers either…not that it mattered.

It was widespread knowledge that no man, even the married ones…none of them ever said NO to Kate….

Damit.</span>


</span>



<span style='font-size:21pt;line-height:100%'><span style='font-family:Times'><span style='color:red'>MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!</span></span></span>

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Postby Angelpopstar7 » Fri Dec 23, 2005 2:28 am

Good lord I have a lot of reading to do over the holiday. :lol: :yay:

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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Fri Dec 23, 2005 8:27 am

Oh hell no, that Kate is a ballsy chick. :lol: Justin better not take her up on that offer or he'll be dead. I want Nik and Justin together so bad ... I know it's coming. I can just tell. :P

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Postby laura » Tue Jan 03, 2006 10:12 am

<span style='font-family:Times'>hehe....also.


<span style='font-size:21pt;line-height:100%'>HEATHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! </span>dont make me come get you! :lol: </span>

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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Tue Jan 03, 2006 6:22 pm

UPDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE! :lol: :D

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Postby laura » Wed Jan 04, 2006 6:43 am

<span style='font-family:Times'>Sorry about the wait lady, i meant to do it yesterday but i lost track of time yapping with a friend! hopefully this will keep you going and ive also updated on SPUN over at "The Sweetest taboo" so go check it out!

enjoy!
:unsure: </span>



<span style='color:red'><span style='font-family:Times'>So there I was, head to toe in Gucci sitting pining in a ladies room near Brooklyn…yes I was insane.

I wanted him with me, then I didn’t, then I did…Im a mad woman I swear they’ve locked up saner than me.

He didn’t want me, he didn’t want pressure….well he sure as hell wasn’t gonna get pressure from Kate, as much as I loved her the girl was too easy for her own good…speaking from the woman who had sex with the dude twice when we were still underage, got pregnant, had a termination…then slept with him again only to leave him…

UGH!!!!! Sometimes being a woman sucked…I mean there we were moseying the earth minding our own when MEN came along and f***ed everything up. I mean it is there fault, we have to deal with the sh** we have to deal with….we have to go through PMS, periods, pregnancy…we have to deal with the “am I fatâ€￾ debate, whats fashionable….and proof positive that God was a man, HEELS!

I mean what the f*** is up with that? Tiny women, very tall man…and that’s the solution? Uhh I DON’T think so….and now? There were all these feelings that I couldn’t control…and I hated it…

I sat, I waited a little more than five minutes, I didn’t want the image of them leaving together to be etched in my mind.

When I came out I wasn’t surprised to find the table empty, my coat sitting on my side of the booth…so I sighed to my deeply pathetic self and went to retrieve it.

“Bill please…â€￾ I asked the nice Hispanic waitress who informed me “it’s already been paid ma’m.â€￾

“Oh was there a tip?â€￾ she nodded but I offered her the ten bucks I had on my coat pocket and she gladly accepted.

I was a waitress; I lived on tips for a whole month….

As I made my way out of the café / pancake heaven on to the sidewalk it started to drizzle rain.

“Great just bloody great!!â€￾ I talked to myself as I tried in vain to catch a cab; at that time I knew it would be impossible.

So I hollered for at least a full…uh three minutes before I lost my temper and considered walking into the middle of the road.

“Nikki what are you doin’â€￾ I heard from behind me, of course I didn’t turn around – I was batty I wasn’t completely insane…I was in New York…it could have been anyone with any amount of guns knives…etc.

“Nikki…â€￾ I felt a hand on my shoulder. “Are you alright?â€￾

“Justin, what….didn’t you leave?â€￾ I asked in complete genuine shock to see him standing there with me, getting now completely drenched by the tiny pebbles of rain.

“No I went to the bathroom when I came out you were gone…I didn’t…â€￾

“So you didn’t leave with Kate?â€￾

he looked at me like I was insane for even thinking it “No I really didn’t…I swear she's like….ive never met a woman with so much self assurance…I mean it was kinda scary.â€￾

I had to laugh mainly because what he said was true, she did have the element of the “man-eaterâ€￾ about her, the other thing I think was pure relief.

“You look pleased…â€￾ he noted walking up closer to me. “Just now…did you really think id leave with her? I mean you…you’re here…â€￾

“And?â€￾ I pushed.

“And why would I wanna leave with someone else…â€￾ that made me smile like you can’t believe.

I just looked at my feet, I felt like I was 12.

“Nikki…what are we doin…â€￾

“What you mean?â€￾

“Its pissing rain girl…can we get a cab….â€￾ He smiled down at me, throwing his leather jacket over my shoulders as he all but hopped off the sidewalk on to the on coming cab.

It stopped, see I knew that was a good idea.

“After you…â€￾ he said directing me into the cab, in which the 254 pound black man took us on route to my appartment.

*****

I was nervous, I mean when her friend came on to me in the extremely forceful way she did, I was sure that it was Nikki’s doin’ that she wanted me taken off her hands, but either way I couldn’t do it…she scared me too much. Shes like the kinda b****, you get to her place and its wall to wall in S&M sh** or something...No way.



So when I waited and she didn’t show I was convinced she did a runner…which yeah pissed me off to no end…but then as I saw her leaving, sad – like her dog died I thought differently, and then when she saw me I was sure her face lit up…thankfully…

On the way to her place which I knew where it was, id just never been there. It turns out my hotel wasn’t that far…?

She got out before me, and being the gentleman/ho that I am I wanted to make sure she got home completely safe. So I did what I always did, I walked her to her elevator of her very plush building.

“So your home, your safe…you good?â€￾ I asked awkwardly pushing my hands in my pocket.

“I am…â€￾ she smiled handing me my jacket. “Thank you…if you want Greg here…â€￾ she pointed to the elderly security guard that sat at the desk beside the elevator “he can call you another cab?â€￾

“uh…um no I think ill walk, its only like a block and a half over…it would be silly to call a cab just for that…â€￾ I shrugged. She nodded, I licked my lips, she sleeked her hair again.

Nervous wasn’t the word.

“Um so I should goâ€￾ I finally announced.

“Uh huh…well goodnight…â€￾ she leaned in to hug me, and I gladly accepted, then she kissed me on the cheek…and that was it, I couldn’t not do it any longer… I slid my hand over her cheek turning her face completely to me, and I did what id wanted to do since I got on that plane in Miami.

I kissed her.

For real. And it was fantastic.

*****

So yeah, there was the awkwardness to him that I always found charming…then there was that kiss that I found even more charming, say what you want but the boy could kiss….like he could do other things too. And with those things on my mind I said it; I became an even bigger slut that I was before….

“You know what I said I was good, well id be even better right now if you came up with me…â€￾ I asked finally pulling away from him – breathlessly.

“You sure?â€￾

What is that in the “guy code of things to say before getting laidâ€￾ yes I was sure…

I just looked at him as I pressed the little silver button that called the cage.

He took my hand, and led me inside it…

Oh god what was I doing…he didn’t want a commitment, it was the one thing I yearned for, after ages of “datingâ€￾ and being single, all I really wanted was to be in love and in trust with someone properly. I was woman enough to admit that.

Not to him of course

Not even when we reached my appartment, not even when we made awkward conversation, and especially not when we headed to my room.

****

I wanted to tell her, hell it was eating at me. I wanted to be a man and just for once admit how I felt about her…how I thought she felt about me, that what I said in Miami I said out of stupid fear.

Then other urges took over and I really didn’t think much at all, especially not when we reached her black and white bedroom that looked like something you’d see in some catalogue somewhere it was so damn neat…

“Im afraid of messing your sh** up…â€￾ I laughed as did she when we approached her large comfy lookin’ bed.

“Don’t be afraid, dude I can tidy.â€￾ She smiled, as we kissed again. The electric jolt that I got from that one kiss as well as the anticipation – it was amazin’

As it was when we got into it again, from start to finish I can say the need id had for her for almost a month, was attended too. In more ways than one, of course im a greedy son of a b****.

The more she gave me, the more I wanted…and fortunately she didn’t seem to object.

*****

I wasn’t positive exactly what time it was, but judging by the strength of the sun shining through my window, it was later than I usually liked to sleep.

If I slept late my whole routine was thrown off.

I turned, and he was still there…all tossed up looking, his hair was all sticking out all over the place.

It was adorable in a really funny kinda way, he was usually so well put together….

I wanted to get up, I needed to get up…it was just after 11 and I needed a shower more than anything, that and a serious teeth brushing.

Just as I took tiny steps past him trying ever so much not make any noise that would wake him, his big ass arm just grabbed for me, scaring me half to death.

“sh**!!! How long have you been awake! Ass! You scared me!â€￾ I exclaimed as he pulled me back in under the covers.

“Aww….didn’t mean too...â€￾ he smirked evilly. “I was just wondering what you were thinking sitting there STARING at me…â€￾ he laughed full on at my Bridget Jones moment.

“I wasn’t staringâ€￾ I said lowly “just….looking.â€￾

“At?â€￾

“What you think, you - dumbass…I don’t even know why now.â€￾ I argued.

“Is that right?â€￾ his tone picked up from the grogginess it had moments before. “See now I think you were thinking “god isn’t he one hot piece of man…â€￾ that’s what I think…â€￾ he was pure comic wasn’t he….no…I didn’t think so either.

“Uh huh, yeah…kiss my ass…â€￾ I sprouted off as I wriggled off of him.

“Well…if you want me too, but I thought I did all that last -â€￾

“Okay, okay…enough with the sarcasm…I need a shower.â€￾

“Who said anything about being sarcastic? I was simply offering that’s all…â€￾ he smirked letting me get up and make my way to the bathroom.

With the hot water running and causing so much damn steam in the bathroom I couldn’t really see anything, so I brushed my teeth as quickly as I could and did my business.

Then I hopped in, loving every second of the water rushing down my tired back, allowing my joints to revel in heat that soothed them.

No sooner than I had my hair been lathered with my lovely strawberry shampoo than I heard the door of the bathroom.

“Nikki? You mind if I….â€￾ I heard the toilet seat.
“No, no you’re not allowed….what do you think…go ahead.â€￾ I shouted.

Then I heard the water run. He was clean thank god.

Then something I wasn’t expecting the shower door opened…this was new, I was usually under the impression that showers were one person things….oh well.

“You mind?â€￾ he asked standing next to me, his curls slowly getting dampened down with spray of the water.

“No I don’t mind…â€￾ I began to rinse my hair.

I wasn’t sure what to say, I mean seriously what did you say in situation like that.

I think he sensed my apprehension about it, he began to inch towards me to kiss me more than anything.

It was sweet, “you okay?â€￾ he asked as he leaned into the head spray to rinse off the soap on his skin.

“I am, it’s just…ive never done….this…usually I just.â€￾

“You like to do this alone…â€￾ he smiled

“Yeah I mean it’s a little weird…I mean not weird, like weird – weird. But it’s…â€￾

“I get it…â€￾ he said pushing back his hair. “You want me to get out?â€￾

“No, no…it’s nice…â€￾ I stood up on my tippy toes to kiss him again this time letting it last a little longer……

“Humm okay I really should get out now…â€￾ I said as I broke away from his embrace, reluctant to do so but I had to after what seemed like hours kissing.

“Naw…stay...â€￾ he pulled me back…

“No I have to go, ive a meeting at 12 I need to get things ready.â€￾

He pouted, did that thing were he pushed out his bottom lip… “Please stay…I don’t gotta be back in LA for another two days…stay hang out with me.â€￾

“Id love too…and I will, after this meeting I have…its like an hour at the most, its to do with this thing that I need to finalise for the promo for the new “diddyâ€￾ club…it’s a pain in the ass but what can you do!â€￾ I rolled my eyes just thinking about it…all that ego in one room. AHHH.

He looked at me with those sweet blue eyes, definitely in “puppy dogâ€￾ mode.

“Please stay, ill call diddy myself and tell him you have better things to do…Like Me.â€￾ he smiled.

“sure, then he can complain to my boss and ill get fired…No thank you…Ill be an hour and half AT THE MOSTâ€￾ I hollered as I got out of the best shower ive ever had and began to get ready. It took me a lot less time now with my new short hair, it was amazing! Praise sienna miller for bring the “bobâ€￾ into style again…love her.

When I left the appartment he was still in his towel, stretched out on my un made bed…now you know why I didn’t want to leave.

But just knowing that they’d be someone there when I got back, well it made me walk a little faster that day.



So yeah she left to do her thing, more to the point she left me alone in her appartment. Something that I hadn’t seen much of the night before, I had been a little preoccupied after all and it was dark and I was semi drunk…either way, as soon as she left I went exploring.

Her bedroom was minimalist at its cosiest, it had the comfy four poster…neat linens, pale walls decorated with the craziest and what looked like expensive art work in all kinds of deep colours. She had her plasma in each room….my kinda girl. Her living area/kitchen was like a pottery barns dream, it was wide walls, tall ceilings, beams in dark wood. My girl had taste.

On her storage spaces though was more her, personally. She had photos of her mom and dad, her grandparents, her and her friends from ages ago…ones with her with pink hair holding up a “welcome to the millenniumâ€￾ standing next to Kate moss, and Naomi Campbell. Others with her and various A listers, you name then she knew em’ Madonna, Michael and Janet…cast of the OC for god sakes….she seemed to know her sh**.

Then there was one, in her room. On her dresser next to all her things…it was us…well me her my mom her dad, taken that awkward Christmas day by Paul at my house.

She kept it.

My hair was the first thing I noticed, and cringed accordingly - Jesus I wore a lot of sh** in those days didn’t I, I mean why didn’t anyone tell me?

Regardless, the other thing I noticed was her…her smile. It seemed genuine even though we were both dying that day…well it was uncomfortable. But she looked beautiful, even then…

*********

As I rushed through mid town, traffic at an all time halt, I decided my best bet was the subway, I was tired, my one hour meeting extended into two, so either way I was late for…im not sure what but it was with him so I was looking forward to whatever it was we were gonna spend the day doing.

Finally after what seemed liked forever crushed next to “old lady that smelled like peppermint and hippy dude that smelt like…well I don’t even wanna knowâ€￾

I finally got off the damn thing, only to have to walk three blocks in my Jimmy Choos…not good as you can imagine, by the time I got in the door I was dying.

“Hey…â€￾ I announced walking into the hall dropping all my briefcases and crap I heard the TV so I knew he was in the living room.

“You’re late!â€￾ he said looking up from the re-runs of RICKI, looking ever so bored.

“I know I know, it went longer, traffic etc….ah!â€￾ I plopped myself down next him, his legs lifting and the dropping on my knees.

“Im knackered now!â€￾ I sighed as his feet nudged my knees.

“Well I cooked!â€￾ he announced causing me to look at him oddly – he cooked.

“How?â€￾

“Well you put things in pans – ingredients and then you-“

“No I mean how, I haven’t brought any food in here since I got back, it either eat out or take out…what did you cook.â€￾

“Ehh.â€￾ he scratched his stubble and looked at me “I went grocery shopping, I was bored and hungry and oh yeah bored…So I decided to cook…you hungry?â€￾ he got up and made his way into the kitchen.

“I am…sure. What you cook?â€￾

“Marinated steak, with baby potatoes with herbs and a black peppered sauce…sound good?â€￾ good I was almost salivating at the mere thought.

“Lovely…dude lovely…â€￾ he brought me the plate, hot and pre-prepared from the oven.

“For the lady…â€￾ he smiled taking his own then.

Sure it was only four thirty, but we were starving and this was more than pleasing.

*******

I was glad she liked the idea of my “cookingâ€￾ for her, sure I almost burned down her kitchen/appartment a few times but it all turned out well, thank god!

We talked our way through the early dinner, silly things like her day…and it was weird, it was nice.

Then she got a few phone calls and a few more, as I avoided my cell calls for a few women that I wanted to cut all ties with and then there was Trace. Wondering why I hadn’t checked into my hotel and why I ordered my security to take the day off…

I told him I was with Nikki, big mistake…it then led to another twenty minutes of me denying that we were as he put it “at it…â€￾ now I knew we were and like any guy I wanted, no I NEEDED to blab, but I wasn’t about to do it too soon…no she and an I were undefined and that was what I needed to sort out first….

Having enjoyed the unexpected meal, we just settled in to watching TV as we talked…it wasn’t anything special, just a few old re-runs of old shows like mork and Mindy and happy days… either way neither of us were paying any attention to what was on the screen.

“The meeting, give me the skinny on this club diddy wants…â€￾

“well he already has it, its down by the old meat packing district of all places, but he says he's gonna sex it up…I don’t know though…well either way he's happy with what we’ve come up with – extravagant as you’d expect and more to the point expensive. Which is great because im hoping this one will help me get the promotion that I need?â€￾

“Oh? I didn’t know you were up for one... cool…what is it for?â€￾

“Senior executive, which is much better a lot more pay and a better set of hours…less partying thankfully.â€￾

“Thankfully? You wanna give all that “glamourâ€￾ up for an office job.â€￾ He asked with a raised eye brow.

This caused her to roll her eyes as he settled her feet on hip lap and began to kneed them with his finger tips. It was heavenly.

“I mean I like it, the partying and the planning and getting to know everyone and all but at the end of it I mean im tired, I have no REAL social life because im busy making ones for everyone else….id still be planning some parties just not as many…I don’t know I just think I need to slow down a little, enjoy life for a while.â€￾ She shrugged.

“Take time to smell your success? Something like that?â€￾ he offered.

“Yeah precisely, something like that. Look at; I haven’t seen anyone besides you from back home in a long ass time… my dad I never see unless he's out here….â€￾

“And your mom?â€￾ he slighted in.

“What about her?â€￾ she looked over at the TV again.

“Have you seen her recently…â€￾

“No….i mean last Christmas yeah, we did the whole “bury the hatch thingâ€￾ but eh…it didn’t last, too much baggage. And now she's married again. So it’s weird.â€￾

“Who’d she marry…â€￾ he wanted to keep the conversation going hopefully get her to open up a little more about it.

“Some guy named Richard; he's an owner of some law firm in New Orleans he has three kids and apparently everything’s “perfectâ€￾…so I let her go on with her perfect life…â€￾

“Wow….doesn’t she ever come to visit? I mean if I were her id love to come visit you.â€￾ He offered again with an extra rub of her leg.

“Na, she doesn’t have the time and honestly I don’t have the time to deal with her and all her sh**….â€￾ He knew the reason to his next question but he felt compelled to ask.

“Is the reason why yall stopped talking, I mean was it because of…â€￾

“The fact that she convinced me to abort my baby? Uhh yeah!â€￾ she rolled her eyes again and got off the couch. Striding into her bedroom leaving him more than confused sitting on her couch.

He approached the room door carefully, only to find her folding her things away having changed into jeans and a black shirt.

“Nikki, have I hurt you?â€￾

“No, no you haven’t…â€￾ she looked over at him and smiled. “don’t sweat it k…I just get a little weird on the topic of mommy dearest, its not your fault…â€￾ he sat next to her on the bed taking both her hands in his, “Well whatever, im sorry I brought her up….Kiss me.â€￾ he demanded in the sweetest way possible. And she obliged.

“Well keep kissing me like that and I think I could forgive you just about anything….â€￾ She smiled, genuinely.

“That’s really good to know….â€￾ He sblacked as he continued to plant supple kisses all the way down her neck, “it could get me outta a lot of crap further down the line….â€￾

“Maybe so…Now shut up…â€￾ she said as she practically pounced him, laughing….that in turn made him laugh.

Slowly and passionately they embraced each other again, they embraced each others personality….their bodies, again.

With each light touch that would hit each piece of skin, with every other kiss it was becoming more and more obvious that what was happening was more…more than JUST sex, more than just the satisfaction of that need that arose when every they got close enough to touch……Just more.

What it meant for either of them was anyone’s guess, but if you had to the nearest conclusion would be…maybe, it was just about love, a kind of love that was undiscovered, unknown – scary even.

Of course it could only be considered love if they both embraced it, like they did each other…for that the only thing that would tell would be time.

8888888888888</span></span>

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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Wed Jan 04, 2006 9:45 am

FINALLY! You know I need the love scenes in my chapters, Laura. I need you start writing some romance books for me. :lol:

I was seriously "aww'ing" when he covered her with his jacket in the rain. Good boy. He has the manners that the ladies love. :nod: :lol:

I feel bad for her that she's had such a falling out with her mother. Maybe that will be worked out in time. Time heals all wounds.

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Postby laura » Thu Jan 05, 2006 9:37 am

<span style='font-family:Times'>you think they work??? really? i dont i think im rubbish at writing love scenes...really...but thanks! :lol: </span>

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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Thu Jan 05, 2006 1:49 pm

Woman, you are awesome at the romance. Makes me want a nice boy like Justin. :lol: :P

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Postby laura » Fri Jan 06, 2006 10:40 am

<span style='color:red'><span style='font-family:Times'> :lol: hes always nice isnt he? i cant never for the life of me get into dude mode enough to make him a badass mo fo....must work on that! :lol: :lol:

<span style='font-size:21pt;line-height:100%'>where is heather!!!!!!!!!?????????????</span></span></span>

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Postby Angelpopstar7 » Sun Jan 08, 2006 7:36 pm

whoops! I completely forgot to read it over the holidays. I knew I forgot to do something. :lol: I'll read it ASAP. Sorry! :hug: :blowkiss: You can go ahead and post the next chapter if you have it ready. That way you don't have to wait for me. :ph34r:

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Postby laura » Mon Jan 09, 2006 10:35 am

<span style='font-family:Times'>I see how it is, you sdont love me any more....finnne...just finnne.... :lol: nah your ok, ill update tomorow hows that???? </span>

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Postby laura » Tue Jan 10, 2006 7:47 am

<span style='font-family:Times'><span style='color:hotpink'><span style='font-family:Times'>hey! Ok this isnt as good as a chapter as the others i dont think...it didnt turn out the way i saw it, but this is it and it does set the wheels in motion for the rest of the story so i hope it makes sense! </span>




Lying next to him, it wasn’t even that late…just after nine pm. We had spent several hours before just in bed…just…us.

The window was open and the late summer breeze mixed with the traffic sounds of the big apple flooded our silence in which we laid just together.
As he braced an arm around my head messing with my now short hair on the other side, he just sighed to himself.

“Whats wrong?â€￾

He just looked at me. “This…I don’t wanna leave tomorrow.â€￾ I knew where he was coming
from, it was preverbal Elephant in the room

It wasn’t something I had been looking forward to either funnily enough.

“I dont want you to leave either, I really don’t, it’s been really nice having you here…too nice.â€￾

He sighed again this time shifting onto his side so he was facing me.

“I have to go, but I could come back…if I had a good enough reason too.â€￾

Wait, wasn’t I reason enough….

“Okay…well I think that well…â€￾ I didn’t really know what to say.

“Nikki, I want to come backâ€￾ he divulged “to you….if you want Me.â€￾ if I wasn’t mistake I was

sure he blushed at that statement.


As did I by the end of it.

“Oh, really…that’s…â€￾ I panicked, he laughed.

“Im not asking you to do or agree to anything that you don’t feel comfortable with, I just really wanna give this…us, whatever we may be and honest shot and if that means travelling then ill do it.â€￾

“Really? Isn’t that gonna be difficult with you schedule and all?â€￾

he giggled again – nervously this time.

“Well if you don’t want to-“

“No!!â€￾ I yelled almost, embarrassingly “I do want, I do want you to…it just seems like a lot of
work…â€￾ well it did to me.

“Yeah, but you’re worth it….â€￾ He leaned in and kissed me again, tenderly on the forehead. I

wanted to keep him there forever at that moment.

“tell me were you born with this charm boy?â€￾ he winked at my question.

“Hell yeah woman, and it’s like a good wine….ive improved with time.

Yes he did, he most certainly did.
*********
Setting him off for the airport the next day was one of the hardest things, sure he was only
a phone call away but it wasn’t going to be the same to seeing him, touching him…his voice would be a comfort but it wouldn’t be all…

They set off from his hotel, luggage in tow for her appartment early, then they had enjoyed a little breakfast before a car was calling awaiting his arrival in order to be taken to the wicked plane that would eventually take him away.

“I don’t want to do this, not now…â€￾ he admitted as they stood forehead to forehead at her front door.

“Ugh neither do I, but…hey like you said, your just a phone call away….that's gonna have to do for now.â€￾ I kissed him once and then pulled away not wanting to get too attached at that moment.

“Nik…â€￾ he began but then stopped “I just wanted you to know that….well that I…â€￾ he was struggling, sh**…

“What is it j?â€￾ I knew by the look on his face that he had to get whatever it was OUT but that he just couldn’t.

“Well…â€￾he sighed as if he gave up on whatever it was that refused to form into a sentence “I just wanted you to know that I had the best time with you, and that im so, so
glad they we’re….doing this…so glad.â€￾ He smiled kissing me, deeper than I kissed him.

“Me too…so ill see you in three weeks right?â€￾ I reminded him of our plan. I was to fly out to LA for the long weekend at the end of august when I had the time off, he would arrange for it off too.

“Three weeks, and counting…â€￾ with that he lifted his suitcases and was met at the door by the two burly black men that I recognised from Miami. They bid me hello and then good bye as I did them and Justin before they all disappeared in the elevator.

Three weeks was gonna be a really long time.

**** ***
***** ***
I hated flying, it gave me way too much to think, to reflect…not good.
So yeah I punked out, I didn’t do it…I wanted to but I just couldn’t come up with an eloquent way of saying it… three words that's all had to say, and I punked.

I was such a little b**** sometimes.

So there I sat on my jet, moping…allowing myself to wallow in the fact that she wasn’t
around any more. All that and Id just left her, the next three weeks was going to be hell.




Getting back to LA and diving straight back into the whole writing process was probably the best thing, I was able to channel my anxiety and worry as well as my new found love into the words that I hoped would eventually lead to the majority of our new album.

I was of course questioned left right and centre as the why I was MIA for almost two of the
three days in NYC, I lied of course…

All but to one person.

“Shut up! How…I mean y’all hate each other, you can’t tell me four days in a car with your
cranky ass made her fall for you…hell no!â€￾

“Im serious, we’re….a thing I guess. It happened for sure in Miami…dude she's awesome.â€￾

He just looked at me, taking off his “Memphisâ€￾ cap as he did so.

“Your f***ing serious aren’t you?â€￾ he shook his head “I don’t get it, why the change…you
a’int that charming….â€￾

“We sorted out our issues…it was cathartic really, I mean we talked…funny huh…â€￾
“Is that all you did?â€￾

“What you mean?â€￾ I faked ignorance

“You know what I mean a**hole. Did you do her?â€￾

I just shrugged….he knew.

“Oh my f***ing god! You did didn’t you; I can’t believe you didn’t tell me! Dude she's f***ing

hot! And you didn’t say?? When in Miami?â€￾ he asked again and I divulged.

“Nope…well yeah but in Memphis…â€￾

“We weren’t in Memphis…wait when you were with Annabel. But y’all hated….â€￾
“No…you remember that Christmas, the first one after I came home from Europe… ’98?â€￾

“Yeah….â€￾

“then, at that party…we sorta hooked up and then again on Christmas…we…well whatever
we did we messed up and she wanted nothing more to do with me…â€￾

His mouth was agape; it was really funny to look at.

“You mean when you said you were “talkingâ€￾ to her you were really f***ing her….â€￾

“Man, no need to be so f***ing crude…â€￾ at that he snapped his head at me with that all
knowing look that id been dreading.

“Uh oh, here we go….your falling for her a’int you…lord Jesus you are…â€￾

“No…im not, what makes you think that?â€￾ I asked knowing how guilty I looked at that
moment.

He just rolled his eyes at me, “sh** boy the only time you talk “properâ€￾ about a girl…is when your ass is in love with her…I mean think about it how many b****es over the last year have you “seenâ€￾ and not given a sh** about….and now with Nikki your all defensive of what I say about her…classic signs my friend…â€￾ he laughed and got up to retrieve another beer from my newly stocked fridge.

“Dude that's really not all….there is more…â€￾ I added with the intent of telling him everything.




*****
With everything I had on my agenda for the weeks that I had spare it was any wonder I found the time to eat let alone spend hours on end on the phone with him.

It was nice and something that I had come to look forward to as I ended my day and crawled into my big comfy bed. Alone yes but not completely.

The calls where all about nothing really, each of us would recall something either funny or surprisingly silly things that happened to us during that day and call it out word for word…

It passed the time and made us both laugh not all that bad if you asked me.

But then there was the other not so great side, the side that Kate didn’t know about.

I saw her practically on a daily basis and because of her interest in him and her lack of
knowledge of us; it was unthinkable for me to tell her about us….Damnit.

Even when she would corner me and ask why I was on the phone so much, why id be
smiling at my emails…what could I tell her?

Nothing, hence all the lying. Something I should have stopped when she asked me to do her
a “favourâ€￾.
“Girl I need you tonight. I have this thing with this guy…its sort of a date but it’s more than

likely just a hook up….but I need you.â€￾ She sat on the desk in my office, legs hoisted to the
side.

“What is it then? I have the Barton engagement party tonight remember…â€￾

“That’s fine, I just need you to see someone for me, just sweet talk him…dance…â€￾

“Okay…â€￾

“Ok…cool so you’ll meet usher at 10:30 in…â€￾ he who now?

“WHAT? Na, no way girl…NO I hate him…â€￾

“You agreed!!â€￾ she argued “I need you, he's friends with this guy and usually it wouldn’t be
a problem hooking him up but he specially asked for you, so I agreed.â€￾

“Well what the hell am I a piece of meat? Woman no I have plans tonight. I can’t be doing
this…â€￾ and still I typed trying to ignore her pout.

“Please nikki id so do it for you…â€￾ that's because you’re a whore.

“NO!â€￾

“Please, come on its not like you’re seeing anyone else is it…â€￾


Well…
“Kate, please just ask someone else, I really don’t like this guy he's sleaze…I can’t stand
himâ€￾

“An hour at the least and ill be right there all along…I wont leave your side. You don’t gotta
do anything you don’t wanna, then you can leave.â€￾ She pouted again.

The b**** was more than annoying me at this stage.

“Fine, but if he tries anything im gone.â€￾

“Love you, no LOVE you!â€￾ she hugged me quickly and ran out of the office, just as my cell
rang.

“Bounce callingâ€￾ well I gave him the nickname way back then I decided to adopt it again.

“Hey…â€￾ I answered adoringly walking over to close my office door.

“How you doing…im sorry I missed your call earlier, I was in the booth….â€￾ He said turning
something in the backdrop off.

“Na don’t worry bout it, how are things going with the record?â€￾

“Good, I think…different…â€￾

“Why different?â€￾

“I don’t know, we’re just no gelling like we did before…we’re not…â€￾

“In sync…â€￾ I smart answered for him, as I cackled

“Not funny, I mean it’s fine in a way its just not how I remember it is all…â€￾ he sounded sad…
not like him usually.

“well sweetheart you were 20 last time y’all did that, so…its not gonna feel the exact same
as before, your all different men now than you were before…and maybe it’s a good thing?â€￾ I
offered not really knowing what else to say.

“I know…â€￾ he said absently “I just hope we can all do it right is all…â€￾ he sighed “well
anyway, enough bout me…how’s your week shaping upâ€￾ start of week 2 of three then I was
LA bound.

“Hell…on earth baby hell…â€￾ I laughed into my head piece “I have all this crap lined up for
today and then tonight I have to go to this god awful thing to -â€￾

Before I had a chance to finish my sentence my boss was standing in my door way, looking
none too pleased.

sh**.

“Uhh J ill have to call you back…â€￾

“Ok, talk to you soon then…â€￾

“Ahuh…Bye.â€￾ And with that I snapped shut my cell and stood up.

“Joan hey…whats wrong?â€￾

“Nothing I was just checking in with the developments on the MI3 premiere, for next week,
it’s all set right?â€￾

“Yes, yes and yes…â€￾ I pepped handing her the file with all of mr and Mrs Cruises details on
it. “All set, Kate’s gonna handle it from here right?â€￾

“Yeah…â€￾ she skimmed through the sheets; she was a pleasant enough woman, former
gossip columnist so her attitude to celebrities was something to be questioned. She knew
everything.

“Um Nikki, can I ask…not as your boss…but who were you talking to just now.â€￾ She eyed me
with those daunting at times blue eyes.

“Uhh, why?â€￾

“Just curious that's all…â€￾ she smiled.

“Just a friend….â€￾

“A MALE friend???â€￾ she leaned in and I froze – just how much had she heard.

“Um…â€￾

“Its just nikki I don’t often hear you call any of your friends “sweetheartâ€￾ or “baby…â€￾ â€￾ she
smiled again “I think it’s nice that your seeing someone again, it’s not good to be alone….â€￾

“No he's not…â€￾

“Ahuh…see you at the meeting at 3….â€￾ She dismissed as she walked out of my office again…

Damit I needed to be sneakier

******



I waited most of my break for her to call me back; I knew by her tone that it must have been something important for her to snap off like that, her boss or that crazy friend of hers more than likely. But most of the break came and went and she didn’t call me back…so I resigned to the fact that id call her later on, when it was safe.
Now it was back to writing and recording, with four other guys that in essence knew nothing about me any more….

I think that's why it was so different, so hard…. We didn’t gel because we didn’t know each
other any more. When we started out we were young and growing and really unsure of
ourselves. Now we were as Nikki said in different stages of our lives…JC had a kid, Joey now
had two and a wife for gods sakes…and the rest of us just didn’t talk about our lives that
much for anyone let alone each other to know what was going on.

It wasn’t working….

But we wanted it to, for the fans more than anything….we needed it to for them. We owed it
to them at least.

With that in mind I fully intended to vanish my ego and just go in there and do my best, and
hope that it would be enough….

*****
With the engagement party in full swing at the plaza, it was just after 10 30 like she said he
would that Mr Raymond gifted us with his presence – pimping it as usual and looking
ridiculous.

“Hey baby whats up with you….â€￾ He came over, followed by cameras of course as he did so.
Putting his arms around me, non invited of course.

“Im good…or I was…you?â€￾

“Better for seeing you sweetness…how was Miami for you…â€￾ he asked still not taking off the
damn shades. INSIDE.

“Good, great, it went well so what else can I ask for right…â€￾

“How ‘bout a drink…â€￾

“Excuse me?â€￾

“A drink…you want one, I need one right now….â€￾ He ushered *no pun intended* to one of
his hanger on’s to go and retrieve…sadly they obeyed.

“So…wanna sit?â€￾

“No…I really should be doing my jobâ€￾ at that moment I wondered where in the hell Kate had
disappeared to.

“Aw come on now you have five minutes for me suga don’t ya?â€￾ again with the contact that I
didn’t want, he gently pushed me in front of him and into the booth.

“One drink?â€￾ he offered me my “perfect 10â€￾ how he knew I liked that was anyone’s guess.

“One drink then I have to leave…usher you know that I have a job-“

“Yeah baby I know…but let’s talk…â€￾

UGH!! WHY??????????????????????

******




I was tired, I was more than that I was exhausted! Between struggling to keep moral up with the guys and then disputes on lyrics I just didn’t want to deal with anyone that night…I didn’t have the energy.
All I wanted to do was crawl into my big bed and sleep my worries away….

That was until I saw who was sitting on top of it….in a nightie.

“Annabel? What are you doin’ here?â€￾ I asked trying to get over the scare she gave me “In
the dark, on my bed….â€￾

“Well hi to you to bunny…I came back, I missed you….did you miss Me.â€￾ her high-pitched
voice got to me instantly, as she kneeled up to hug me….

“Uh...well…I guess but um, what happened to Florida and the modelling and all?â€￾ I backed away from her slowly


“Uhh it didn’t go like I expected, they we’re looking at me from the right angle…they wanted me for PORN can you believe it!!â€￾

Well……

“Really? That's not what you wanted….â€￾ I walked into my closet changing my t-shirt.

“NO! God Ju how could you think id do that….â€￾

“Mainly cuz you did playboy and porn is basically the next step….my bad…it still doesn’t
explain what your doin’ here though. I mean how’d you even get in?â€￾

“My key silly…And why wouldn’t I be here…â€￾ she smiled again, why?

“Well sweetheart we broke up that's a big clue...â€￾ sure she was stupid but I didn’t want to
be that rude to her, underneath she was sweet…

“Oh well now we can get it back, I miss you….â€￾

Ooh god….

“Bel…Iâ€￾


“I Know you miss me too, and I promise im not using anymore…I want to be with you and if I
have to get used to you not using either well I guess it something ill get used to, I miss you
Ju, I love you.â€￾

WOW where did that sh** come from.

“What?â€￾

She beamed her arms encircling me again. “I love you, I realised it…I know we’re different
but we’re good so…â€￾ she went to kiss me.

“WOW, Bel…come on now you know that, that isn’t how it was with us…I mean you know!!â€￾

“No…what?â€￾ god she looked so sad…I hated that but she needed to know.

“Babe, we were never anything more than…well…Sex…Im not in love with you.â€￾

Her eyes filled up “what? But I thought that you…I mean we…â€￾
“I Know honey and im sorry if I gave you…if I led you on. I didn’t mean to. The truth is im in
love with someone else…â€￾

“It’s been a month Justin who’d you fall for in a month!!!â€￾

“Don’t get mad, I thought you knew that we…that I wasn’t into you that way…â€￾


“Well no I didn’t know now did i!!?â€￾

I knew she wasn’t about to let it slide, but damn we BROKE up what was there NOT to get…

And so she yelled at me, for over a half hour, until the phone rang..

Praise Jesus for telephones!

“Yes?" still she yelled....

"Justin?" It was my Nikki.

"Yeah...Hi..."

"Uh hi, whats going on??" Obviously she heard the yelling...

"OH, I have an unexpected visitor...Sorry."

“You sound busy yourself?â€￾ I added walking into the next room and locking the door and
what I hoped was the noise too.

“Im at a thing…hating it…I miss you.â€￾

“Awe…â€￾ I mocked before adding my own sentiment “You know I miss you too…who you
with?â€￾

She paused, “ugh the usual…look I have to go here, im being summoned! ‘By one of the up
their own ass party’…â€￾ even tired she was amusing “ill call you when I get in if I can stay
awake that long!â€￾

“Okay…â€￾

“have fun with your “guestâ€￾ â€￾ she added.

Getting off the line with her I decided to confront my “guestâ€￾ no matter how unwanted she
was….

***********

For over an hour I was inundated with “Hi’s and hellosâ€￾ from a number of people id crossed paths with, and of course I was shadowed by “usherâ€￾ the man who’s was tinier than trace
and who I couldn’t stand.

Every where I turned he was there.
Sure he was smoozing with me but annoying me all the same, when I did finally got a quiet
moment guess what, yeah he was there too.

“So Miami…it was fun right.â€￾

Again I thought we’d covered it. “Yeah…â€￾ I nodded sipping large amounts of my third Perfect
ten,

“You and Justin…y’all seemed…acquainted.â€￾ He scooted in closer – ugh.

“Yeah…â€￾ again I was dying.

“How do you know him, I saw y’all together a few times…â€￾ what was he stalking me now?

“Really? Where?â€￾

“In the hotel a few times, I was just wondering….are y’all seeing each other?

YES!!!!!!!!!!

“Well in fact!â€￾

“Nikki there you are girl.â€￾

Kate…damn it now she shows up!

“Hi girl, listen its late I think im gonna go…now that you’re here and all...â€￾ I got up swiftly
only to be halted by Mr Raymond.

“I have my limo out front, maybe I could give you a ride?â€￾ he offered and my so called friend
pushed me on by saying it would not only be safer but cheaper than a cab across town.

Damn her anyway, remind me to b**** her out.

“Fine, fine but are you ready now because I really want to go.â€￾

In side the black and gold wouldn’t you know…Pimped out limo he sat like he was a king on
a damn throne?

“So….â€￾

“So…â€￾ I repeated not really WANTING to make a conversation with him.

“Have you plans for tomorrow?â€￾

“Why?â€￾

“Im having this thing at my new place in the Hampton’s, for a few people…Id like it if you
came, bring Kate if you need to.â€￾

Okay was I NOT making it clear that I just wasn’t into him? Or was his head as thick as it
looked.

“Umm, usher I have a boyfriend so unless this thing is a work “thingâ€￾ I don’t think it would
be a good idea.â€￾ He seemed evidently deflated as we reached my street and the car came to halt.

“Im sorry.â€￾

“Wait!â€￾ he hollered as he too got out and hot footed it over to my side of the car.

“Is there anyway I could convince you to…just come?â€￾

“No there really isn’t I –“

But before I could finish my sentence he did it, the little sh**. He kissed me.

“HEY!! What the hell are you doin’!! Jesus did you not hear me!!â€￾

“Im sorry…â€￾ he held his hands up and retreated “I am sorry…â€￾

Pissed off tired and semi drunk I made my way into my building complex, entered my key
codes and hit my floor on the elevator getting to my bed I knew I didn’t even have the
energy to dial my phone let alone talk – so I promised myself id call him as soon as I woke
up.

******
After dealing with Annabel for most of the night, man that girl could cry….I sent her packing after I made a few calls to the Heffner, he and I had partied more than a few times in past two years. All of course while I was heavily “under the influenceâ€￾ but regardless he said anytime I need anything all I had to do was call. Now I know she knew him but she needed something and I needed rid of her…so now she’d hopefully be “modellingâ€￾ for his newest TV channel and forever out of my hair and in his – thinning but still there hair.



We’d managed to reach lunch and again not having much to show for it. We were stalling fighting and basically niggling about every possible little thing that could have crossed our paths.


It was a pain in the ass.

But as I sat with my tuna mix baguette and sprite I didn’t want to think of anything for at
least a full five minutes.

That was until JC sat down in front of me “hey man, im sorry things didn’t work out with you
and Nikki.â€￾ He had this really annoyed look on his face, like he was sorry for me.

“Uhh what are you talkin’ bout?â€￾
“This…â€￾ he handed me the newspaper, entertainment section “Usher’s new lady…New York’s
hottest new couple.â€￾ I swear I almost choked.

I didn’t even read the article; I just saw the spread of pictures. She and he hand in hand
getting into his limo, and then I knew the background – kissing outside her appartment.

I felt like being sick…. I didn’t want to show him that it affected me though, even though
there was a time when we told and shared almost everything, I just didn’t feel like sharing
this.

“Oh, will you excuse me…I uhh….yeah.â€￾ I got up and made my way out to my car. All the time wondering why, how and oh yeah WHY. She hated him she said so, many times before
infact. She hated him now why was she kissing him, and is the reason she hadn’t
called….was it because she was with him – all night.

The very thought made me sick to my stomach. I had to find out….but just as I was about to
call, the cell rang, causing me to jump as it did so.

“Nikki-callingâ€￾ was what it said, so I did what I had to, I took several deep breathes before I
flipped it open.
“Hey sweetheart, sorry I didn’t call last night I was just SO tired when I got home…really beat.â€￾

Yeah ill bet….

“Ahuh, no don’t worry about it…it’s…yeah…so was the engagement party fun?â€￾

“Ugh yes and no, we had all this stuff going on at once, mad sh** but at the same time…â€￾
she paused “wait who told you it was an engagement party…â€￾

“Um you…â€￾ I lied.

“No Justin I didn’t, I don’t ever do that with parties like that, meeting yeah private parties

no…who told you…â€￾ she sounded tired, probably from bouncing with greasy head all night.

“Maybe usher told me!!â€￾ I yelled.

“What?â€￾

“Yeah Nik Usher you know him right? I mean he is the one you spent the night with last
night isn’t he? I mean you told me you hate the guy then you sleep with him…is this like a
pattern you have….one that obviously began with me!!â€￾

“Wait, your serious…you actually think that I.â€￾

“Does it matter what I think, I saw the pictures….you and him kissing and whatnot!! Admit
it…

She was silent, then she spat over the line in her most annoyed voice “yes ill admit it, we
kissed…HE kissed me.â€￾

“How is that relevant the point its you kissed him back. I saw…!â€￾

“Where did you see…?â€￾

“new York Times….i saw it, so don’t insult me by lying about it.â€￾

“Im not!! Jesus you are dumb boy. Yes we kissed he kissed me then I BACKED him off me
and went home to bed- ALONEâ€￾

maybe I was dumb maybe I wasn’t but I just had the hardest time believing her….she was
on the other side of the country how was I to know if he was with her or not…

The fact of it was, I didn’t fully trust her that's why I doubted her so much. And it wasn’t
even necessarily her fault – I had a hard time trusting women in general. She was no
different.

“Justin answer me.â€￾

“What do I say….i don’t…I just don’t believe you.â€￾

“I see….well then what the hell are we doing then, I mean if you don’t even trust me to tell
you the truth then what the hell are we doin’?â€￾

“I don’t know Nikki…Im sorry I just don’t believe you.â€￾

She coughed “well I can tell you now bro- that's your first and last mistake with me…â€￾

“What do-“

“Goodbye Justin.â€￾ She hung up, and I can’t say I blame her…I was an ass. I knew the minute
she hung up, I was an a**hole.</span></span>

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whatchagot4meMRJT
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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Tue Jan 10, 2006 12:19 pm

<_< Dammit! This is all Usher's fault. That little turtle. <_< :lol: Just when I thought Nik and Justin were smooth sailing, they run into another obstacle in this relationship. I hope they work past this and can get to that complete trust stage.

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Angelpopstar7
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Postby Angelpopstar7 » Wed Jan 11, 2006 1:37 pm

Okay I was going to get all caught up this weekend but there's a kink in my plans. My cousins 10 month old son is really sick so I'm going down for a couple days to watch him while she's at work because he can't go to daycare. I have no idea when I'm going to be home. It could be anywhere from Friday to Monday or Tuesday. :lol: But I PROMISE that when I get back I'll read all 50 chapters I have to read. :lol: I feel so bad because I was suppose to have this read ages ago but just think of all the feedback you'll get when I finally get all caught up. :lol:

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laura
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Postby laura » Thu Jan 12, 2006 11:07 am

<span style='font-family:Times'>aww heather, dont worry about it! i totally understand, i mean hello, the babys sick! its not gonna go anywhere while your gone! Dont sweat it mama!!!!! </span>

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Angelpopstar7
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Postby Angelpopstar7 » Sat Jan 14, 2006 6:10 pm

Okay I have everything read but the last chapter but I have to go make something for dinner so I'll read that later and leave feedback for that. Now onto feedback for the other 3 or so chapters I read. If things aren't in the exact order I read sorry, I'm just typing as I remember. :lol:

They finally hooked up! THANK THE LORD! I was waiting for that to happen for ages and it finally did. :yay: They just seem so perfect for each other...they just need to admit their feelings for each other once and for all..I mean what the h*ll was Justin thinking when he said he didn't want a relationship with her? I mean it's so freaking obvious that the boy loves her...he just needs to tell her....and she needs to tell him how she feels! Gah!

The whole sitting on the beach talking....now that is what I want to do with someone....it just seems so romantic ya know? Call me crazy but that would be like the most perfect thing ever to do. :lol: I think it's adorable how he keeps on tracking her down...and he always seems to know where she'd be at. :wub:

As for Kate...man the girl can't take a hint can she? I mean Nik just got done telling her not long before that that she fell for an old friend who was a singer...umm hello! Captain obvious! But at least Justin was a good boy and turned down her offer. :nod: Getting caught in the rain. :wub: Again that's so something I want to experience. :lol: And he covered her with his jacket....so protective. :wub: And he made her dinner! See Nik just tell him how you feel and Justin tell her how you feel! It's obvious they love each other but are too bull headed to admit it.

Okay now I'm to make something for dinner but I'll try to get back and read the next chapter later on tonight.

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Postby Angelpopstar7 » Sun Jan 15, 2006 8:06 pm

Usher you lil mothafutha what are you doing? Grrrr you have to ruin everything that's good don't you? He knew she had a man yet he went and kissed her anyways....dang him! Now they're broken up...just when things were starting to get good too.... :( MORE PLEASE!

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Postby laura » Mon Jan 16, 2006 9:04 am

<span style='color:green'><span style='font-family:Times'>LMAO! heather it was worth the wait just to hear you ramble! and yeah i agree with what you said all those lil moments, way romantic, and SO something i need to experience, but if not in life then through my writing! thanks for both grin worthy reviews sweetie!!!! Ill post more asap, today if i can, tomorow for definate!</span></span>

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Postby Angelpopstar7 » Mon Jan 16, 2006 6:05 pm

Sorry if it didn't make any sense....I sorta had the flu when I wrote them so I'm not really sure what I wrote. :lol: It didn't help that I had a high fever either. :ohboy: I know for a fact when I wrote the 2nd one I was really out of it...that was the first I had moved all day. :lol:

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Postby laura » Tue Jan 17, 2006 10:08 am

<span style='font-family:Times'>A/N : No heather it made perfect sense, hello - its ME your talking to here! well anyways, hope your feeling better! i am a little, but my chest is all messed up, i blame the fire across the road the other night - BIG drama!
Speaking of, heres another update, lets just say, a small calm before a BIG storm.....enjoy! :lol:
</span>






<span style='color:dodgerblue'><span style='font-family:Times'>Didn’t trust me? What in the hell kinda sh** was that… I was so angry at him, never had I been madder – and given our history you can imagine that's pretty difficult to say. He knew I didn’t even like usher at ALL let alone in any kind of body touching way – ugh no! But he was a man, and by definition he was stupid.
Had I understood that I might not have hung up the phone? But I did, so I considered it a “break-up – hang upâ€￾ all the while staring at the phone wanting him to call…He didn’t, I should have known the boy was as stubborn as me, and I was pretty damn stubborn.

I hunted out the damn paper that showed me the so called “evidenceâ€￾ and there it was in black and white – him and me apparently in a “clinchâ€￾ I mean sh** the damn photos were so convincing that had I not been there I would have had to look twice.

“sh**, I cannot believe this…â€￾


<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'><span style='font-family:Times'>I'm not your doormat, your floormat
So don't wipe your feet on me
I'm not the only Garibaldi
There's more fish in the sea</span>
</span>

“Why? Girl he's hot…so did you sleep with him?â€￾ Kate asked on the other end of the busy phone line.

“Hell NO woman. Infact until that sh** I WAS seeing some else…now I guess that shot to hell…â€￾ I mused

“Who???â€￾

“oh no one you knowâ€￾ I lied again “ it was just…well it was getting really good but he now thinks that ive
slept with greasy head and I sooo didn’t but he thinks that I had a thing with him even before this... so It
doesn’t matter now…Men I swear…â€￾

“You liked this guy?â€￾

“I really did…truly. I mean he lives in LA and I was even gonna go out in a week to spend the long weekend
with him…â€￾

“Wow for you, that is serious…come on who is he…â€￾

“NO ONE…look its not important who he is or was…we need to change the subject.â€￾ I flicked through my
papers that I needed her word on…clients galore. “Now with the Janet Jackson thing…whats the word on
the guest list for that?â€￾

“No wait…this dude.â€￾

“Kate come on I have work…â€￾

“Just hear me out…I have this interview- planning thing in LA this week, tomorrow actually its with Britney
Murphy…maybe we could trade and you could go for me and ill take over that Jackson thing…â€￾

“Why?â€￾


<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'><span style='font-family:Times'>I'm not your puppy, nor goldfish
So don't treat me like your pet</span></span>




“Because dumbass, you obviously wanna see this guy this makes it happen as well as the valid excuse
of “workâ€￾…so what you say??â€￾

I swear I wanted to kiss the life from her, in theory it was the perfect excuse….

“Well…â€￾

“Sorted then, ill drop over the tickets tonight just pack things for three days at least.â€￾

“Why three days?â€￾

“Because I wanted the excuse for work so I convince Britney to “stallâ€￾ her planning for a few days till I went
sight seeing…now you can go “man-seeingâ€￾ instead that's fun too. Love ya! Bye!â€￾ she clicked off and I set
down my head set.

Sure I could go, work and possibly swallow my pride and actually show up. I wasn’t ready to let him go just yet.


<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'><span style='font-family:Times'>I'm not your butterfly, so don't try
To chase me with your net I'm not your kneaded eraser
So don't you wear me down</span></span>



Settling into my routine days later was hard. I missed her calls, I missed the dumb lil messages she’d leave on my voicemail…I missed her.

And oh yeah after I got off the phone with her JC then pointed out on the OTHER side of the page there
were more pictures, of her pushing him away… yeah he didn’t see those originally.

Now all I had to do was pick up the damn phone and say sorry…yeah…I didn’t.

I then realised that my problem was procrastination. Its what I always did, always…I wanted tell her how I
was feeling for her, then I left it way to late and its not really something you do over the phone…so I swore
the minute I picked her up from the airport id just tell her and then it would be out in the universe.

Then this happened and I was sure id never get the chance to do it…id call sure. But only when I knew she’d
be out…her machine would pick up and id hear her voice…then id hang up…


And no im not a stalker im just stupid!

“Justin could we take it from the last adlib. Maybe add another repeat?â€￾ I heard Chris yell through the
speaker to me as I stood at the micro phone.

“Yeah sure, take it from the last line…â€￾ I added, still not fully into what I was doing.

I did my thing then JC had to come in and add his bit…

“So did you call her yet?â€￾ he asked me in passing. He knew what id done I wish he didn’t.

“No, not yet…â€￾ he smirked “what?â€￾

“Dude she a’int gonna wait around forever, I mean she’s a f***in’ amazing woman you thinks some guy in
New York isn’t gonna see that and try it – for real. Suck it up man, say sorry!â€￾

“How…â€￾

“You say Nikki I was and am an idiot forgive my sorry ass and lets hit the bed…â€￾ he laughed.

“I haven’t done this in a long ass while ‘C’ I mean I don’t even know how to let her know that I am genuinely

sorry…â€￾

“Because you haven’t had genuine feelings in a while is that it?â€￾

Wow, maybe…


“I don’t know…look justâ€￾ I pointed to the mike “I gotta run, see y’all lata.â€￾ I grabbed my sh** as well as Trace
and hit the road. Still wondering how I was gonna do this.

******

Packing was always a chore for me; I mean sh** what if I forgot something really important. So when Kate
came over with the tickets she “helpedâ€￾ which apparently meant packing ever piece of lingerie I owned.

“Now tell me, is this guy hot, I mean does he deserve the “trashy lingerieâ€￾ or the conventional sh**…like
theseâ€￾ she held up my emergency “Bridget Jones knickersâ€￾
It made me laugh.

“NOâ€￾ I snapped em back “he’s…he deserves these...â€￾ I held up my black two piece that cost me a pretty
penny for two pieces of silk and lace…damn it.

“Ooh kinky…â€￾ she responded helping me zip up my pink holdall. “You got everything in there?â€￾

“I do…â€￾

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'><span style='font-family:Times'>I'm not your sledge, sledge hammer
I'm no tool, that you pound
I'm not your blacktop, for hopscotch
So don't jump all over me
I'm not the place where the dogs roam</span>
</span>


“So you gonna tell me now, I mean you know ill find out eventually…â€￾

“Nope, look I wanna see if there even is something, if there is then I will you can swear on it…â€￾

“Fine, fine I give up…but hey if he does see you…call me!â€￾
“Will do, Kate thanks for this…â€￾ I said it knowing full well if she knew who “heâ€￾ was there would be no way

she’d be doing this, since she still talked about how much she wanted him that night I was guessing when
she actually found out that it wouldn’t be pretty.

“Your welcome, look I gotta bolt im meeting a few people…see you on Saturday then?â€￾

“Three days, yup.â€￾ I added as she bounced out the door. Leaving me to go over what I had and didn’t have
with me for the next day.

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'><span style='font-family:Times'>At the bottom of the tree Don't you treat me like I have no feelings
Don't you treat me like that, I have feelings
Don't treat me like that
Don't you treat me like that</span>
</span>


The airport was of course madness, as usual. I mean I don’t know why I expected anything else.

Getting on the air craft was more rewarding that I thought, I didn’t know id be flying first class – perks of my job, otherwise it would be coach all the way.

Im not cheap I was raise the fear being poor!

I slept through most of the flight thankfully, I hated flying. Hated it with a passion, add that to the fact that I
had to sit and watch some sh** with Drew Barrymore on 50 dates or something, eh well…I was just bored.

I knew id be meeting Brittney right off the bat in LA and I didn’t mind, but as you know I had other people on
my mind.

As I landed in LA I was greeted with the customary security checks, religious brainwashers and taxi ranks
with no taxis.

I was tired, it should have been earlier my time but I was still knackered.

When I got to “the château marmontâ€￾ I showered changed and picked up my rental car, and off I headed to
the “hillsâ€￾ were I was to meet with Ms Murphy in her home.

“Hey there, um your Nikki right?â€￾ she answered her gate with the happy tone I was guessing id have to get
used to.

“That’s me, Kate switched with me…â€￾

“Ill buzz you in.â€￾ she hollered over her sound system as the large gates opened with a screech.

For the next hour I explored her house that would hold the party, went over guest lists and assured her that we’d have room…even if we didn’t it was LA and we could move most of it outside.


She seemed fine with it, and even offered me lunch. Passing her hallway I noticed it, a black baby grand…

“Wow this is amazing girl, where did you get it?â€￾

“Oh that? That was already here when I moved in, the prior owner I guess didn’t want it…too many bad
memories.â€￾

“Really? Can I ask? Who?â€￾ I smiled. I was nosy – and it was a kickass piano I mean who could someone not
want it?

“Britney spears, she sold this place to me just after she and Justin Timberlake broke up… she said it was his,
and that she didn’t want it- that I could either keep it or toss it…I kept it…I love it!â€￾

Ooh holy Jesus I was in HIS old house that he shared with HER? Eww….

“Ooh I see…â€￾ I felt weird being there, so I decided to make my excuses and skip lunch.

I needed to see him.

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'><span style='font-family:Times'>Don't you treat me like that! I'm not your carefree, nor sugarless
Like the gum on your shoe,
I'm not the ring 'round your finger
Nor am I wrapped around you
I'm not your shoe string, your rope thing
</span></span>

Crowds, pushing and crushing to get to their destination. It was killing me; all I wanted was to get there, to

get to her. Airports weren’t my favourite of places but there I was JFK airport to be exact, on my way via a
very smelly cab to her address, in the hopes to find her in a forgiving and sentimental mood.

I loved New York, it was so much more “realâ€￾ I guess than LA was, I mean when in LA would you get so
many cultures just – there…just being and growing naturally. LA was fake in more ways than one, the
people and not only their features but their attitudes, all so very false.

It was a little difficult sometimes to distinguish which was and wasn’t sincere. You didn’t have to question
that in the Big apple, not once.

I reached her appartment building; I reached her floor all carrying one bag. When I reached her door, I took
a deep breath for courage and I knocked…..

And knocked, and knocked. Until her neighbour poked his head around the door telling me she was out of
town, where exactly he hadn’t heard….

Man, nosy much?

So I did it, I tried her cell…it was “out of rangeâ€￾ and her house phone hoping that if she got my grovelling
message that she’d call me and let me know at least where she was.

I was deflated and tired; Id worked myself up all morning in order to make an apology and then tell her that
I loved her and didn’t want to be without her…sadly that wasn’t happening today. I made reservations at a
nearby hotel till either she called or I found her….

Still I had no idea how to do that.

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'><span style='font-family:Times'>Don't treat me like that</span></span>
******


Reaching the address I had for him in my PDA I approached big gates, cream Spanish style walls and a nice inside. I called the intercom, and it took awhile but someone answered…

“Who is this?â€￾

“It’s Nikki…um Nikki Johnson…um.â€￾

“Nikki? Girl what the hell are you doin here?? Its Trace…wait a sec…â€￾ I heard the buzzer to yet another
alarmed gate – people in LA were Para-noid!

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'><span style='font-family:Times'>Baby, do you understand me now
And sometimes you see a little mad
Can always be an angel
When every things goes wrong you seem to be bad
</span></span>


I drove on up the gravelled pathway onto the estate that housed this Spanish style mansion with columns
and verandas all in the same style.

There Trace was standing in the doorway; looking more than perplexed…then again he always looked that
way so I couldn’t really tell at that point if something was wrong or not.

“Woman what are you doin here?â€￾ he asked me as I exited my shiny new vehicle.

“Why???â€￾

“You were looking for Justin right??â€￾

“Well. Actually we had some uhh...business to take car of so I-â€￾

“Girl don’t front, I know okay…I know y’all are at itâ€￾

Charming.

“Well Trace…I mean we…what did he tell you?â€￾ sh**.

“Everything…â€￾ he smiled and guided me inside the huge ass “houseâ€￾ that looked more like a palace than
anything.

“Everything??â€￾

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'><span style='font-family:Times'>I'm just a soul who's intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood </span>
</span>


“Yup…the whole shah-bang so no needs to lie…â€￾ he sat in the sitting room to the left of the front door I sat
in the chair across to him.

“Oh, well now that you know... I uhh need to see him, I want to tell him that the whole thing with the
photos and everything…well I was being unfair to him and-“

“He's not here Nikki…â€￾

“Okay so…he's at the studio right? I mean when will he-“

“Na, he's…I don’t know how to tell you this…he's in New York…Looking for you.â€￾ He started to laugh.

“Im sorry what? I thought he was working??? What??? TRACE!!!!â€￾

“Okay don’t freak at me sweetheart, look he figured you were working and he didn’t want to apologise over
the phone, he figured if he showed up at your place there was less of a chance of you ignoring his pathetic
attempts at a “sorry im an idiotâ€￾ speech he went over with me like a ga-zillion times before he left…Its good
to, sh** id forgive him if it was me he said it too…â€￾ he stretched back in the cream lazy boy. Ignoring my panic.

“Trace Juan!!! Boy this is serious…he cant be there, in New York…my friends watching my place…if she sees
him she's gonna know we’re…we’re…Oh god…â€￾ I freaked, well wouldn’t you.

“So whats the biggy?â€￾

“The biggy dumbass is that she was interested in him…and he wasn’t, instead he and i… and she doesn’t
know…and…she's gonna be sooo mad at me, and she's my friend…â€￾

“Annnnd?â€￾

Men I swear….

“Look at it this way…you like this really hot girl, I mean really like her, you ask her out she's says a flat out
NO, then she hooks up with Justin the same night…how would you feel???â€￾ I tried to level…

“Well that depends, is she Angelina jolie hot or Jennifer Aniston hot…â€￾

“WHAT???â€￾

“Well, I like a little Angelina but Jens the bomb!â€￾

“She’s Jen hot…okay??â€￾ I wanted to kill him.

“Oooh well then yeah id be pretty pissed.â€￾

UGHHHHHHHHH!

“Well okay then…â€￾ I fell into the seat, depressed.

“You know you could just call him now and ask him to come here???â€￾ he offered.

“I cant…im not the one to say sorry first…he has to!â€￾

“Is that so…â€￾

“Uhh yeah I didn’t do anything wrong….he did, his head up his ass and all!!â€￾

“Really, then why are you even here then?â€￾

sh** he had me there.

“Well I was hoping once he saw me he’d fall to his knees and grovel…â€￾ I mused, realising that had he have
been there I wouldn’t have had a plan….

“Nikki just call him…â€￾ he handed me the phone.

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'><span style='font-family:Times'>
Sometimes I'm so carefree
With a joy that's hard to hide
Most of the time
I’m so full of worry
And then you're bound to see my other side
</span></span>



Second time back at her appartment I was hoping to see some kinds of life.

When I knocked I actually heard ruffling in the background! My prayers had been answered she was home.

I straightened myself up as I heard the lock unlock. Nikki…No wait not Nikki.

“Justin?â€￾

“Uhh….â€￾

“Kate…Kate ford…â€￾

Oooooohhhh Jesus………

“Right Kate…hi!â€￾

“Hiâ€￾ she beamed, and I wanted to run.

“Ummm is Nikki home?â€￾ she had to have heard the message…Oh god.

“No she's not, do you want to leave another message?â€￾ she sblacked. See…

I laughed nervously, as she opened the door a little wider.


“No I um…don’t could you maybe tell me where she is?â€￾

“Maybe I could….you haveta tell me something first.â€￾ She crossed her arms and leaned into the doorframe.

“Uhh okay?â€￾

“How long were you two seeing each other that night, when I made a COMPLETE fool of myself with you?â€￾

“We…weren’t…we…â€￾

“The truth, she's been lying to me….I deserve the truth. Don’t you think…?â€￾

“I knew I didn’t want to not go out with her, so that meant not going out with you…I mean you’re very…
beautiful…but I just…â€￾

“You wanted her?â€￾

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'><span style='font-family:Times'>
If I seem edgy, I want you to know
I never mean to take it out on you
Life has it's problems and I’ve got in more my share
And that's one thing I never mean to do
</span></span>


“Yes…still do.â€￾ I admitted “so if you could just…â€￾

“LA, she went to see some guy that she's bonkers for…Im guessing its you…and she switched with me so
she could do that as well as work…but I guess she's f***ed because you’re here…and she's…well there…â€￾
she said smirking. “It’s like a bad rom com…â€￾

“LA?â€￾

“Yes…â€￾

“Los Angelesâ€￾

“Yes…â€￾

“Los Angeles California????â€￾ I couldn’t believe it…sh**!!!

“Well how many more LA’s do you know dude…she's there for three days, I think you should go ASAP…â€￾
“Thanks Kate…â€￾ I said with as much gratefulness’ as orphans were for bread.


“Yeah whatever just tell miss “I don’t knowâ€￾ that you better be worth this sh**…?â€￾ She smirked “Now GO!â€￾

Id pondered it over and over in my head, I knew all I had to do was call him and maybe everything would be okay again, then again maybe it wouldn’t. I mean he said it didn’t he, he didn’t trust me…and what was a
relationship without trust?

He was always like this, ever since I could remember. He was just difficult! So difficult it was maddening.



My questions were answered when I reached for the phone – and it rang.
Scaring the life outta me as it did so.

I just answered it, not saying anything.

“Trace? That you…â€￾

it was Justin…Interesting. So I still didn’t say anything clear, I just grumbled in my most male voice.

“Ok look Nikki is in LA, I found out from her friend you know the scary one…and well I think that she's there
to see me, or at least I hope she is…sh** I don’t know, I really hope she is….â€￾ He rambled “look anyway im
getting on the next flight here in about half an hour…if she gets in touch please just tell her that im SO
beyond sorry and that I didn’t mean to….i just didn’t mean any of it…make me sound smart…â€￾ he sounded
flustered, he also sounded adorable.

“Justin its Nikki….and for the record Steven Hawking couldn’t make you sound smart boy…â€￾

He went silent….

“I know that your sorry…hell you’re in New York to prove it…and I forgive you…â€￾

“Really??â€￾ his high pitched answer was met with a honk of a horn.

“Yes really, but it doesn’t mean we don’t gotta talk…there are issues….â€￾ I warned.

“I know…I know but you really okay with – “

“For now, im gonna go to work now…call me when you get back to LA okay?â€￾

“Nikki I am sorry for not believing you…â€￾ he added.

“We’ll talk when you get here. Okay?â€￾

“Okay…â€￾

“Be safe k…â€￾ I added before I clicked off. Relaxing in the second identical lazy boy, that I could have lived in it
was so large.

Feeling somewhat okay with the conversation id been dreading over the last three days. I was never good
with addressing my “feelingsâ€￾ and I hated the word “issuesâ€￾ but it looked like with him Id have a world of
time to get over that.

After the call I went in search of Trace in the giant playhouse that was Justin’s home…it was overly huge, but
not decorated like you’d expect. I mean there was the customary overly expensive furniture, flat screens &
every games console known to man…but it wasn’t all “blingâ€￾ it was in actual fact – very homely.
Downstairs was your standard “bachelor padâ€￾ lots of leather sofas etc, not a woman’s touch insight…

But upstairs was more him…personally wise anyway.

Photos lined the walls of one room that oddly enough only held his shoes…the boy had more shoes than ME!
So unfair….

Then there was the walk in “roomâ€￾ wardrobe…with, you guessed it nothing but his sh**…the man liked his
clothes.

Then there was his bedroom….

It was very stream lined, clean cut with touches of him around it.

The ever present basketball net and Lakers shirt with ‘Timberlake’ on the back – framed and signed by I was
guessing the entire team…

Nice for some…

Then there was the one thing that caught my eye…I didn’t realise it was missing until I saw it sitting on his
bay windowsill. The photo that sat on my dresser of us, all of us from that Christmas….he stole it!!!

He wanted it?

He kept it…Strange…why would he want something as silly as that…


<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'><span style='font-family:Times'>'cause I love you baby
I'm just human
Have thoughts like any one
Sometimes I think I spend the rest of my life regretting
Some simple thing that I have done
</span></span>

Touching down in LA hours and hours later I was officially beat.

I now despised planes more than before I hated them…evil is what they were.

I called security from the airport, getting picked up and questioned left right and centre by an annoyed Eric.

“Boy you said three days, three days we had off…what in the hell.â€￾


“Change of plans man, sorry but after this I swear y’all get your time off.â€￾
“Na, it’s alright just know that the lil pay cut you were threatin’ it better not be happenin now!!â€￾ he chuckled
hearty.

“What ever man, just get me home…â€￾

“Why the rush??â€￾

“Im hoping once im there I get to do something ive been wanting to do for a while now…â€￾

“Have sex with Trace???â€￾

“f*** you, NO man get your mind right…Na, if im right he knows where my girl is…â€￾

“The party planner girl?â€￾

“Nikki yeah…â€￾

“I didn’t know yall were a thing?â€￾ he turned on to sunset.

“Well we weren’t…we are I hope anyway…I really do.â€￾

“She’s a sweet girl she was really there for your mom when you were…â€￾ he trailed off, as if he didn’t want to
say it.

“In rehab, it’s alright it a’int like I didn’t know where I was or why I was there…its aight…â€￾

He seemed to breathe a sigh of relief. “J you know we all care about you- no bull sh** right.â€￾

I nodded, I knew that.

“Well we’re just grateful to her…she's the one you listened too, you wouldn’t listen to us…why her?â€￾

“I don’t know, I mean I hated her for so long over the most petty things…then I don’t know she just popped
into my life just when I needed her…sh** she was like my angel she saved my life…â€￾

“she did…she must be pretty damn wonderful then…I mean she knows all about you and im guessing the
temper…â€￾ he laughed “ and she's still interested…girl must be a saint to put up with your sh**.â€￾

As we pulled up onto the road that led to my place I was excited….since I couldn’t get in touch with trace I
wasn’t sure if she’d stayed or if she left. And I didn’t know where she was staying…

“Thanks man…â€￾ I nodded as I got out and he moved the car to indicate that he was leaving again.

The house was in darkness….i hoped he was still home. It was after midnight when I got off the damn plane
I really hoped he hadn’t gone clubbing, otherwise id have to wait to find her.

When I got inside the house was quiet, too quiet – I knew he wasn’t home which meant I didn’t know where

she was, and her cell was still “out of rangeâ€￾ so defeated and tired I drank the remains of the orange juice
from the fridge and headed upstairs.

Stripped off, and it wasn’t until I stepped into the room completely that I saw her by the lamp light…asleep in
my bed.

My heart skipped at the mere sight of her.



I loved her…id fallen all those years ago, and I hadn’t stopped since.

Deep huh?

She was there, all tangled up in my sheets, he hair messed and a book in her hands – one of the john
grishoms I was reading.

I dis-garded the rest of my clothes till I was just in my boxers, and crawled quietly in beside her.

Not quietly enough as she stirred

“Justin?â€￾ she asked her eyes still closed.

“Yeah…shhh go back to sleep. We'll talk tomorrow baby.â€￾ I added as she turned to me, eyes still closed and just allowed me to embrace her…yeah I was gonna sleep good this night.

She was my comfort.

And she was right were I needed her…In my arms.</span></span>


<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'><span style='font-family:Times'>I'm just a soul who's intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood
</span></span>




LYRICS:Gwen Stefani Doormat

Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood John Legend

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whatchagot4meMRJT
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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Tue Jan 17, 2006 12:51 pm

:lol: That was crazy at the beginning with them being in the wrong state, but I loved that ending. :wub: I hope they sleep soundly and can work out their differences. It was all a misunderstanding caused by that dumb troll Usher. :lol:

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Angelpopstar7
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Postby Angelpopstar7 » Wed Jan 18, 2006 3:06 pm

:rofl: I knew something like that was going to happen. Except I expected her to fly back to NYC and him to fly back to LA at the same time. :rofl: I really hope that they work things out because they're so cute together. I mean if Usher hadn't jumped in the mix of everything it would still be okay. I wonder what Kate is going to do when Nikki gets home though? :lol: Look I read it on the day you posted for once. :lol: MORE PLEASE!

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laura
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Postby laura » Tue Jan 24, 2006 9:14 am

<span style='font-family:Times'>A/N: remember that storm i was talking about? this is JUST the beginning! enjoy babes! ;) </span>




<span style='color:red'><span style='font-family:Times'><span style='font-family:Times'> When I woke up I was alone strangely…since I could have sworn he’d crawled in at some ungodly hour the night before…

Then I realised that I wasn’t alone as his figure came in through the bedroom door – tray in hand and the smell of coffee so strong id say they could smell it two towns away.
He had that goofy smile on his face, the one that he used to wear when he’d done something

wrong.

Ohh that’s right I was meant to be mad at his ass.

“Morning beautiful…this is for you.â€￾ He said as he took the two small steps that led into his
massive bed.

“Thank you…you cooked?â€￾ I noted the pancakes and the eggs…

“Yes….Ok no…Trace did actually.â€￾

“He cooks?â€￾

“He single and with no prospects since his girl dumped his ass in Miami…so he needs to learn.â€￾ He
shrugged leaning into me.

“What about you? Aren’t you single with no prospects?â€￾

“No if this goes well…Nikki…I am sorry for-“

I shh’ed him with my finger.


“I don’t want to talk about it now…or ever for that matterâ€￾ he smiled with relief I think “but know
this lake if you EVER do ANYTHING that stupid again I may just have to kill you…no one that dumb
should be ALLOWED to live.â€￾

He laughed out loud at me then; well I was pretty funny when I wanted to be.

“Nikki thank you…I really wasn’t up for rowing with you…your too good.â€￾

“I knowâ€￾ I bit into my yummy looking breakfast as he kissed me on the cheek. He was whimsically
happy.

“Awe girl I love you.â€￾ When he said it I almost choked. His eyes widened like he knew what he
said, and didn’t know he said it…

“Oh…uhh…I mean that’s…it’s…â€￾

“Justin don’t worry about it…it’s alrightâ€￾ I got up. Out of the bed and walked straight into the
bathroom.

He didn’t mean it, Naw…I mean it was way too soon to “love meâ€￾ he had to have been joking…yes
that’s it, it was joking and that was it.

It was fine…I was fine. No really I was.

So I did my thing and began to run the water in the shower that I swear was bigger than any id
ever seen before. This boy was definitely spoiled rotten with all this sh**.

Just as I stepped in to the shower, before I could get the door even closed, his hand stopped me.

“Nikki I love you…â€￾ he said quietly.

“Yeah, yeah J stop it and let me shower okay.â€￾

“No, girl…im serious im in love with you…â€￾ I looked at him then, well damn if he was joking he was
a better actor than I gave him credit for.

“Oh…â€￾ spaz attack…I forgot how to speak.

“Oh? That’s it…woman say something don’t just leave me hangin here…â€￾ he laughed at me, and
my mid naked shock.

“Justin I…are you sure I mean is it not too soon or…I mean ARE you SURE?â€￾

He stroked my face, “I am…but if you’re not then there is no rush on anything and I just…well I
just wanted to put it out there and it is…so…well now you know.â€￾ He looked so cute nervous.

I kissed him, and pulled him –boxers and all into the shower with me.

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'><span style='font-family:Times'>It's like you're a drug
It's like you're a demon I can't face down
It's like I'm stuck</span>
</span>

“I may not be ready to say what you just said…but I feel it…â€￾ I admitted freely for the first time in
a long time.

“That’s good enough for now…â€￾ he kissed me again hoisting me up against the wall. Beginning something that I was just as eager to start as I was SURE he was.



His hands slipped gently up her sides to eventually get caught in her new short hair; he slowly
began massaging her scalp as he deepened the kiss.

With the steam from the shower pulsating through the room it was becoming hotter by the
second.

Her hand slid into the waistband of his underwear pushing them off him gradually as she moved
to kiss his neck.

The supple small kisses she trailed caused him to moan ever so slightly as she pulled him full
under the running hot water.

“I thought you liked to shower alone?â€￾ he asked kissing her neck in return as she exposed her
neck to allow him better access.

“Umm…Not this time I don’t…â€￾

“Ill have to remember this for next time then wont I?â€￾ he hoisted her again against the cold damp
marble surround of the shower itself, allowing her to slink and fit perfectly around his body.

Just as he was about to enter her and receive the pleasure he wanted so badly, she stopped him
with her hands on his shoulders.

“What baby?â€￾ he looked at her trying his hardest not to ignore her since he could think of one
thing.

“I love you too…â€￾ she smiled kissing him once again.

“Are you sure?â€￾

“I am so sure…Now get on with it before I burst!â€￾ she laughed as he did too. Beginning to make
the love to her that they now had both professed.

It felt incredible.

It felt perfect, it felt genuine.


<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'><span style='font-family:Times'>It's like I'm running from you all the time
And I know I let you have all the power
It's like the only company I seek is misery all around
</span></span>


Having made it back to bed after the unexpected announcement made by both, the mood
between the two of them - they hadn’t stopped smiling for more than a minute.

“I don’t feel like working today…â€￾

“Why?â€￾ I asked her.

“Because, this is too nice…I love your house by the way, its b****’in’â€￾ she sat on her side looking over at me. Again with the smiling it felt nice that id caused that I was glad that I told her…and so unbelievably relieved that she said it back, I didn’t want her to say it if she didn’t feel it, but I think
she wanted to too so that's why I did it.

So we had gone from her being mad at me and my stupidity to happy giddy and damn near
insane – in a really great way.

“I know, it does feel pretty damn good, im so glad I told you I love you.â€￾

“Had you been thinking about it?â€￾ she quizzed.

I just blushed…I didn’t mean too but damn it I was a little embarrassed.

“Really?â€￾ she shrieked, “I thought you just said it to get out of trouble…you mean it then I
guess…â€￾ she mocked hitting me in the arm,
“Of course I meant it you silly cow…you meant it too so don’t even try and lieâ€￾

“Its scary though isn’t it…â€￾

“Is it?â€￾

“Yeah! Justin I don’t know if you know this but I haven’t said those words to anyone romantically
in a LONG ass time, you should feel special dude you’re among a select few…â€￾

“I always feel special ‘round you…even when you’re cussing me out.â€￾

“Cheese ball…â€￾ she giggled “I mean do you make this sh** up or are there web sites dedicated

to it…â€￾

“Oi, play nice…I meant it.â€￾ I pouted.

“Ha, that's what worries Me.â€￾ she went to get out of my embrace.

“Where you goin’â€￾

She just got up and walked into the bathroom – oh…well I guess that was okay.

When she walked out, it got me thinking.

“So this ‘select few’ you mentioned just now…who would they be…â€￾

“They would be none of your business dude…I need to get dressed ive a meeting with Brittney in
an hourâ€￾

“I thought you said you didn’t want to work today, stay with me we can just chill by the pool…go
out for lunch…â€￾

“Aw id love too but I cant, her shindig is in two weeks and we’re finalising the guest list and
numbers, all that boring stuff…â€￾

“It wouldn’t be boring with me…â€￾ I offered again “we can talk about those other I love you dudes
later…â€￾

“No we won’t…â€￾ she laughed digging into her suitcase for a tight black sweater to go with her
grey denim jeans “and I have to do it, it was the other reason I came here….you know besides
wanting to beat you to a pulp…â€￾

she baited me, as she went looking for her shoes I had to get up…I really didn’t want to it meant
studio time it meant the band…it meant doing something I didn’t really want to do.

“What time you think you’ll be home?â€￾

“In two days…â€￾ her head peaked around the door again.

“What??â€￾



“My home is in NYC…Ill be back HERE around 6ish I hope…you?â€￾

“Um, I don’t really know we’ve been going through so much sh** recently with disagreements and everything that we spend hours and hours just doing nothing, getting nowhere. I really hate thisâ€￾

“Then why did you agree to it?â€￾ she asked sitting next to me on the trashed bed. Now fully
dressed.

“Pressure I guess, I mean it was wanted for so long then I had a break in my schedule…so…â€￾

“So you buckled?â€￾

“Yeah, it’s not something I wanted…I don’t think we’ll ever top what we’ve done before…I don’t
see the need to try something when we ALL know that our time as a “boy bandâ€￾ is just over…they
cant see it…â€￾

“if you can get at least three others agree with you, you could try and break out of the contract…
maybe leave it…turn it into a GH or something…â€￾

“A greatest hits?â€￾

“Yeah…whatever tracks you got so far…just used em, tell em you aren’t happy…â€￾

“I can’t do that do you know how much sh** ill get into if I dump em like that?â€￾

“Do you know how much sh** you’ll be in with your self if you continue to stay with something and
people that you’ll just end up resenting?â€￾

“Jesus, you should be a therapist.â€￾ I laughed

“Ive spent enough time on em’ I could have my PHD right now.â€￾ She kissed me on the lips
once. “Now…wish me luck…â€￾ she grabbed her baker boy cap and shades and headed out the
bedroom door and down stairs, she was right I needed to stand up for myself and I needed to do
it now.

“Look I just can’t do this, my heart as well as my head is just tellin’ me that we were done a LONG
f***ing time ago, this is just…â€￾

“What? So now we’re not good enough…â€￾ Lance shouted first as I had sat all four guys down to
tell them I wasn’t wanting to be part of this new album, it was the hardest thing ive ever had to
do in my entire life – and im including rehab here.

“No that's not what sayin’ look I love you guy.â€￾

“Yeah J it really f***in feels like itâ€￾ JC then spoke up.

“Josh don’t, look you know I do…you’re my brothers I just don’t think that this is a good idea for
any of us, we went out on top with celebrity why f*** up a record like that with something you
know no matter how good it is, it'll be panned. We’re too old for this “Boyâ€￾ band sh**…we’ve out
grown it.

Joey and Chris seemed to agree with me but they didn’t voice it.

“We are and you know it.â€￾

“Noâ€￾ lance began again “you mean YOU’VE out grown us. That's really what you want to say isn’t
it?â€￾

“NO!â€￾ Kinda…

“f*** you Justin; you know that…you always were a cocky little son of a b**** but this…this low
even for you.â€￾

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'><span style='font-family:Times'>It's like you're a leech
Sucking the life from me
It's like I can't breathe</span>
</span>

“f*** you too then…you know im right you just cant accept it.â€￾

“Accept what?â€￾ JC spoke up.

“That Ive carried this group!!!â€￾

Yeah ill admit with hindsight being all it is, that remark was a BIG mistake.

With that JC just got up and walked away, it took a lot for him to just leave…I realise now I really
hurt him that day, of all of them…He was the one that took it the hardest.

I completely f***ed it up, completely…I should have handled it gently, and I should have just let it
be….



“sh** Britt im so sorry, this thing it just wouldn’t stand up so I yanked itâ€￾ I pointed to her huge
spider plant in her entrance hall that had now collapsed. I was stressing, completely and utterly I
was stressed out, I knew the guest would be there in a minute practically….

“its alright girl its fine…come here with me a sec…â€￾ she sashayed over to her two seater couch in
the middle of her wreck room she slumped into her side and signalled to me to join her again,

then she did something I didn’t expect. She produced a decent sized bag, filled with as she told
me “grade Aâ€￾ cocaine…it scared me how open she was about it, there was me and at least six
other “strangerâ€￾ type people in her house at the time.

“Want some? It will calm you…then set you up for tonight.â€￾ she offered me literally on a plate.

“Noâ€￾ I shook my head adamantly

She looked at me funny, “are you sure, it’s the best you know…No random sh**, and Ive heard you
like to Party…so…here.â€￾

Now given that I am the poster child for “Don’t do this its wrongâ€￾ at that moment even given all
that id been through with drugs with lies with deception….It didn’t seem so wrong, so yeah I took
it…

And I enjoyed it…what I wouldn’t enjoy would be the after math.

Not at all…

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'><span style='font-family:Times'>Without you inside of me
And I know I let you have all the power
And I realize I'm never gonna quit you over time
</span></span>

When I got back to Justin’s at almost three that morning, I was well and truly into the remorse
section of three circles 1) guilt 2) excuses 3) remorse. Id gone through it all at her party, id told
myself that it was just that once, it was just to chill…then when the high wore off and I started to
cry as I realised all id thrown away, I swore it wouldn’t happen again.

“Hey…â€￾ he looked up from the x-box that I swore hadn’t been turned off since id got to LA.

“Hi…â€￾ I nuzzled into the chair beside him “I don’t like LA…â€￾

“Why baby…â€￾

“Bad things happen in LA…â€￾ I said tiredly. “Well some good things…â€￾ I kissed him on the newly
stubbly cheek.

“Im glad I could sway your opinion at least a little bit.â€￾ He smiled.

“Im tired…â€￾ I moaned

“Wanna go to bed?â€￾ he looked at me, and I knew he meant for us to sleep. Since id spent most of
the day and night away from him I wanted nothing more than to curl up with him and forget my
shame…at least for a little while.

“That sounds so good….â€￾ Too good, since I was in a sense – a strong sense I was lying to him.
But I was assuring myself that id forget about it in the morning.

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'><span style='font-family:Times'>
It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you
</span></span>



She was jumpy most of the night; she was tossing and turning all the time. I tried to calm her but she was having nightmare after nightmare. I didn’t know how to stop it.
When she woke up she assured me it was nothing, I didn’t believe her.

“Baby come on, you hardly slept! You tossed all night, I know you like your sleep so I just don’t
understand it!â€￾

“it’s the time changes, its all this pressure…Look all I need is some strong coffee and ill be fine!â€￾
she rolled her eyes at me and walked down stairs, where I heard her chatting with Trace.

So I went to get dressed, knowing if Trace was there – others would no doubt follow.

I had spend most of the afternoon on the phone with my managers, my agent, publicist you name
it they called, demanding to know why I was trying to get out of my contract with Nsync.

I just told them straight like I told the guys. I just wasn’t feeling it any more and they’d have to
deal with that….hate me sure, blame me – of course but I wasn’t going to be happy doing it, I was
still fighting the urge to not step into my old ways, I knew a tour and the parties would only help
to tip me over the edge, and I knew I didn’t want that. I was beginning to have some semblance
of a “normalâ€￾ life. With Nikki, she was strong…she made me want to be strong I realised id do
anything for her for that. I knew if I got out of the album id be free for at least a year with no
promos, no tour…thank god.

They could sue me for all I was worth but I wasn’t doing it.

If I got the time off I wanted to do other things, I wanted to rest…travel properly, and most of all
spend time with Nikki.

Although it was gonna be weird with her now. We managed two whole weeks, no fighting no
anything, just happiness, love and sex.

Then it happened on her last day she was weird with me, she looked pale and sick. All I did was
ask if she was okay…I don’t get it.

“What…â€￾

“WHAT…â€￾ she mocked me walking into the bathroom. “I am okay for the last time GOD.â€￾

“Hey…look I was just concerned woman that's all!â€￾ I walked in to see her pinning up her hair.

“You just look a little pale that's all, and you were shaking all last night again…â€￾

She just rolled her eyes, “baby seriously get over it…maybe I might be coming down with a cold…â€￾
she kissed me lightly on the nose.

“Well okay then, its just if something was up…you’d tell me right.â€￾

“Of course I would…Now I gotta go. Ive a few things to pick up from Brittney’s before I leave.â€￾

“Oh yeah, what things?â€￾ she looked back at me,

“Aw nothing major just some stuff I left behind the other night…â€￾

I smiled at her then as she zipped up her boots. “Love you.â€￾ She said kissing me quickly again
before sprinting out of the room.

“Yeah, love you too.â€￾

****
I hated myself right then, I hated myself truly. I was lying, and going behind his back.

The only reason I was going to her place again was because, you guessed it. I need a hit. And I
needed it right then.

I knew I shouldn’t but id spent two days coming down from the high it gave me, the feeling that id
been craving for over a year. She gave it to me; I knowingly took it – enjoyed it and wanted more.

See now I knew I was doing wrong, it was the downward spiral. But I needed it. Justin was right,
I was pale, shaking and something he didn’t know, vomiting.

So yes I needed my sh** back, and I wasn’t leaving LA without it.

When I went to her to pick it up she already had it in an airport safe bag. She knew the tricks just
like I did. It was what the best of the best did to smuggle coke, X, grass…the lot.

“Look, this is at least a month’s supply…after that…well I can give the name of a guy in New York if
you want…the authentic stuff you know?â€￾

“No I know, I have someone in mind, someone I know and trust….but thanks anyway.â€￾ She looked
ridiculous. Her hair was in strands, her makeup caked into her face, and her eyes blood shot.
There were the signs, I knew em’ hell I lived them, and here I was going through it all again. Only
this time with my eyes wide open and fully knowing.

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'><span style='font-family:Times'>I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
</span></span>

I left her place, and returned with three hours before I had to jump for check in at the airport.

Before I went in, I cracked open the bag of coke. Spread it out on my laptop that sat in the front
seat lined it, sniffed it.



Yes I was one stupid whore</span>


<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'><span style='font-family:Times'>In my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me</span>
</span>


“Honey you in?â€￾ I announced through his palace.

“Im in here!!â€￾ I heard coming from the kitchen, where he and Trace were sitting devouring the last
of the ice cream.

“Hey trace.â€￾

“Nik…â€￾ he said not looking up.

I walked over to beside my honey, and he kissed me.

“EWW…Guys…No…â€￾

“What?â€￾ Justin asked laughing.

“Look its one thing knowin’ bout the two of you, and lord knows you talk about Nothin’ else…but
it’s another completely to SEE it…back up off her!â€￾

We both laughed as I took his spoon to take the cookie dough that I wanted bad.

“Trace manâ€￾ I began “you’re the one that pushed us together okay…live with it dude.â€￾
He just rolled his tiny eyes and walked out of the room…

“Humm I think I need you to stay…â€￾ he said into my hair…

“Oh and why is that?â€￾

“No one else can get rig of him like that…it’s a gift you should cherishâ€￾

“Naw, id rather cherish you…â€￾

“Oh and you call me cheesy…look you know this is gonna be hard…I mean with me breaking my contract, they’re taking me to court…â€￾

“The guys?â€￾

“Nope. Management, ive pissed A LOT of people off with this, but I had to do and you were so
right…thank you.â€￾

“No, you knew it…you just needed a little push…that's all no need to thank me.â€￾ my head was
light, I felt like I was floating…I felt the pure high.

“Mmmm well regardless it’s all because of you that I can now just take this year off…it’s gonna be
so much fun…â€￾

“Is that right?â€￾

“Yupâ€￾ he smiled that goofy cheesy smile he had “because it means I can come to New York when
ever and we can just BE…â€￾

“Well how bout we BE upstairs…â€￾

“Why?â€￾ like he didn’t know.

“well…I began walking towards the back stairs “ ive got a little under three hours before I gotta
check in to check outta LA, ummm I wonder what could we do in ALL that time…since you know I
wont see you for like a month an all…humm….â€￾ I played him…and I had him. Several times that
afternoon.

But in my highly altered state, everything just seemed to move faster, or maybe it was me. he
noticed something in me, I was convinced he knew I was coked up…but he didn’t. Any suspicion
he had I diverted using my self my body and more the point my lips to keep his mind off of any
kind of those thoughts.

But by the end of it, he was ready to go comatose where as I felt fine…better than fine…but we all
knew that was gonna change real fast.

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'><span style='font-family:Times'>
It's like I'm lost
It's like I'm giving up slowly
It's like you're a ghost that's haunting me</span></span>


The flight was hell, I was coming down from my extreme high and it was messing with my system.
I was shaking, I was freezing…then I was sweating. I just didn’t know what the hell to do with
myself. I was mentally fighting with myself the whole way home. I knew I shouldn’t have been
doing what I did; it was a miracle I didn’t get hauled into airport security…both times. But then
again I smiled and batted my eyelids at the young guards and boom I was in and then out.

He called me the minute I got home, and then there were messages before I arrived. One in
particular from Kate. “Yo’ b**** why the hell haven’t you been answering your cell…and OH YEAH
Justin f***ing Timberlake…what the hell!! How the hell could you not tell me! Call me as soon as
your ass gets in!!â€￾

“Hi Kate…â€￾ I waited for the yell.

“Biaoch! What the f*** is gonna on! Justin Timberlake…I liked his ass and you were doing him!â€￾

“I wasn’t…technically…I wasn’t and I didn’t say anything becauseâ€￾

“You punked out…â€￾

“No…well…maybe but I just wasn’t sure…about him and me, or any of it really…then we…â€￾

“I want all the details as soon as you come in tomorrow, oh and the Janet thing went great…just
so you know.â€￾

“Oh how was it…everyone have fun, get exposure all that…â€￾ I rolled my eyes slinging off my boots
and running the bath I wanted so badly. “Yeah you know her and her man, all a that…there
engaged apparently…and she's pregnant…â€￾ she smirked.

“Wow…wait isn’t she in her late 30’s…risky.â€￾

“Yeah well she's a Jackson, when the world ends it’s just gonna be them and cockroaches…look
b**** I gotta go, love ya.â€￾

“Yeah, yeah…â€￾

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'><span style='font-family:Times'>Leave me alone
And I know these voices in my head
Are mine alone
And I know I'll never change my ways
If I don't give you up now
</span></span>

As I slipped into my time deifying bath I noticed the bag of coke peeking from my bag. “What the hell am I doing…â€￾ was all I kept thinking.

But then again I knew what I was doing, I was doing what I always did when things happened
that I couldn’t control. When I first started taking and abusing drugs it was in a screwed up
roundabout way trying to gain control again, they were the one that I knew I could control…now?

Well now was just the same. I was giving up all control of my heart, my soul and my body to this
man, this person that id loved for a long time – I just didn’t know it until then.

So now that I was out of control I did the one thing I could think of – I started using again.
I know it makes little or no sense at all to many NORMAL people but at the time it was the only thing that I could think of…

It wasn’t like I wanted it; I didn’t want to be THAT girl again.

But it was too alluring, it was a drug after all and like I said I was an addict and one an addict
always an addict.

I was now just a relapsed lying one.

Proud moment huh?

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'><span style='font-family:Times'>I'm hooked on you
I need a fix
I can't take it
Just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it
</span></span>

:ph34r: </span></span>

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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Tue Jan 24, 2006 10:09 am

OH NOOOOOOOOOO! I can't believe that she's back into using drugs again. <_< :( And it's like she doesn't even care right now. I know that she feels regret, but the drugs are quickly taking over her again. :no: Girl is out of control and it happened so fast. Damn that Britney. <_< :angry:

But somehow I know that Justin is going to support her and help her. He'll blow up and never want to see her again, but then he'll realize the support she gave him when he was at his lowest point. She needs serious help above all else right now.

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Postby laura » Tue Jan 24, 2006 10:15 am

<span style='font-family:Times'>mmmmmhhhummmmm, Like i said STORMMMM! ;) </span>

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Postby laura » Fri Feb 03, 2006 10:51 am

<span style='color:hotpink'><span style='font-family:Times'><span style='font-family:Times'>I hope to update on monday, oh and i cant get the feedback from spun, so your gonna haveta email me till this computer decides to like me again! LOL!</span>

have a great weekend!</span></span>

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Postby Angelpopstar7 » Sun Feb 05, 2006 11:47 pm

No Nikki NO! Stay away from the muthaf*ckin drugs! What is Justin going to do when he finds out? I mean he just broke his contract and he's being taken to court because of that...I hope that he doesn't revert back and start using again too. :( Hopefully he'll be there to help her though this and get her the help that she needs. :pray: The last thing either one of them needs is to be hooked on drugs, let alone hooked on them together. :(

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Postby laura » Fri Feb 10, 2006 8:33 am

<span style='font-family:Times'>Drama, heh its what i do!!! hope ya enjoy this one too... *not meaning for it to rhyme* :blink: </span>



<span style='font-family:times'>Not having seen her in a month was weird, I mean for years…I hadn’t been around her and done just fine. Then Miami and us happened and it was like I couldn’t exist without her presence…most men would call me whipped, and hell maybe I was…I didn’t know nor did I care. I was in love with this woman and that's all that mattered to me. I hadn’t been in love, really truly in love – the kind of love that makes you blush, or makes your mind wander to her when your meant to be concentrating on something else, the kind that makes you want to be a better person FOR that other person – in a lonnng time. And when I did it turned against me and bit in the ass.

Our relationship for that month was conducted over the phone, in ways it was nice…in others it was so
lonely.


Then there were the worrying times, the times when id call her and she'd sound out of it at 5 pm, or she
wouldn’t call me when she said she would – the queen of doing as she said…the weird messages of her
slurring then laughing and hanging up. I assumed drunk and goofy but as the weeks went on I got so
worried I flew out to see her, that's when I knew ‘something’ was up. Why you ask? Well for one the state
in which she answered the door.

“Justin…â€￾ she barely opened her eyes. “What in the hell are you doin here? Aren’t you meant to be in LA.?â€￾
Um DUH?

“Yeah I am, but I wanted to see you…can’t I at least come in?â€￾ I laughed nervously at her. She didn’t look
herself; she looked tired, tossed and just plain skanky if I was being honest. Her hair for one, the roots she
showed was like she was gonna plant crops, her nails were bitten down and her skin was a weird pasty
colour.

“Baby are you sick?â€￾ I asked again as she basically ignored me to crawl on the sofa. Her appartment was in



darkness. And a mess…it seemed like it had been that way for a while judging by the smell alone.



“No…Just had a late night…I was partying with a few of the girls and things got a little outta hand…â€￾

“Like how…â€￾ still annoyed by the lack of attention I was getting but carried on regardless.

“Like…I don’t know…just sh**…you know how it is…â€￾ No, not any more I didn’t. Last time I looked anything

like the way she looked I was….No, Naw…she wasn’t, and she couldn’t I mean this was Nikki…she wasn’t

like that any more…



“Justin I don’t mean to be rude but I need some sleep…â€￾ it was 6pm…what the f***.

“Nikki when did you get in?â€￾

“I don’t know why…like a few hours ago…â€￾

“Today?â€￾

“Yeah today duhh…why it’s only like noon…â€￾

Oh holy Jesus

“Nikki…my god…what the hell…its 6 in the evening…are you drunk?â€￾

“NOâ€￾ she yelled at me. “Im NOT f***ing drunk…IM f***ING TIRED, OKAYâ€￾ I was…she clearly wasn’t.

“Come, on get in the shower get cleaned up and we’ll go for dinner or something Ok?â€￾

“NO…â€￾

“NO? Baby I haven’t seen you in a month…â€￾ I was getting increasingly annoyed with her.

“I don’t care…Im tired, i need some sleep…just get out…â€￾ what the f*** was wrong with her.
“You’re kidding right?â€￾

“Nope, get the f*** out…I don’t want to see you when your like this.â€￾

“Baby…â€￾I tried to reason but she was having none of, she got up off her couch and dragged me to the door.

“Out.â€￾ She pushed me out the door and slammed it behind me.

Ok now I was convinced she was insane, either that or she was like I suspected she was…Totally coked up.


It threw me for a loop; I didn’t have any proof that she was back on the evil…only her erratic attitude.

Then of course there were the signs that I recognised, the mood, the not caring about what I looked like,
sleeping at odd hours in the day and being up all night…I knew, of course I knew id be a fool if I didn’t.

What I needed to know now though was what the hell I was going to do about it…about her, and her
issue.


I was flooded with questions and doubts, why would she do this, how. When how long was it going on for,
how long was she lying to me…you know the standard self involved questions one goes through when
someone they love is clearly hurting themselves.

Then again this was me, and I was by nature a dumbass, what in the hell was I supposed to do, she was
the grownup one of the two of us, she was the mature one that saved my ass, I didn’t know how to be a
grown up about this.


I tired in vain to get her to open the door or even answer he phone until I got so pissed off at her I went
back to my hotel. Part of me – a big part I had to admit was in extreme denial about her. I was still on
some level telling myself NO she was much to level headed to go back down that route again…then again
when I added everything up in the last month and half it all seemed to point to one thing “RELAPSEâ€￾ and
so I eased myself into what I knew had to be done for her, exactly the same thing she did for me…Now all I
needed was the balls to do it, and do it right.

After another 24 hours of no contact from her I decided to play her at her own game, I found out if she had any work that night and decided Id confront her head on if I had too, in public…Again if I had too.

It was just my luck that she was working. Birthday bash for a certain Ms Reid in one of New York’s trendy
hot spots.

I made sure I was on the guest list. Pimped myself up and made it look like I was going there for “Taraâ€￾
even though the girl was certifiably insane….I had a mission and she would only help to aid in it.
The party was as you can imagine bangin’ with the best and clearly the worst of em’. Everyone seemed

either pissed high or they were getting there – fast.
Its funny, months before and this would have been my thing, my forte my playground

Now? It just looked sad, pathetic and against what I wanted for myself, for my life and my body…it was
sickening if I was being totally honest. I mean I know I was no saint and did what these poor bastards
were doing numerous times….i just never realised how mind numbing it was.



I saw her, she was of course looking amazing despite what I was sure was floating in her blood stream at
that second, and a drastic change compared to what she looked like days before. You wouldn’t think it too look at her…then again would you have thought it looking at me? No…didn’t think so…

She was dancing, table top dancing between Paris Hilton and the birthday girl herself.

I felt embarrassed, much like my sober friends must have felt when I got drunk/ high/ both and made a fool
out of myself with fans, photographers…my family, they had a number of occasions to choose from.

I walked over to the bar that they were standing on, Paris saw me first…

“Justin!!! Baby hi…how are you…I haven’t seen you in a loooong ass time!â€￾

GO away…

“Ahuh, yeah I know…how are you…â€￾

“Lil loopy…â€￾ she cackled. No sh**…

“Ahuh…Nik…â€￾

“Justin…â€￾ she called back, and swigged her cocktail as she hopped off the bar and began her decent into
the huge crowd. Oh hell no.

“Nikki…Can I talk to you…â€￾

“I don’t know, can you…â€￾ she stomped further. “NIKKI…come on I need to talk to you…â€￾

She finally faced me, “No, you need to lecture…and I sure as hell DON’T need that.â€￾

She made her way to the VIP bathrooms, of which there were plenty. “Justin just leave okay I don’t have
anything to say to you…â€￾ her short bobbed hair was in curls…those curls turned and disappeared through
one of the three doors marked Ladies.

But before she locked it I forced my way in too.

“Get the f*** out this IS the LADIES you know…Jesus.â€￾

“Nikki…â€￾ I wanted to slap her for being so stupid. “Talk to me for f*** sake…what the hell happened to
you…â€￾

She crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. “You…you happened to me.â€￾

“What?â€￾

“This shouldn’t have happened, you and I…it was a mistake.â€￾ I didn’t, no I couldn’t say anything. So she
carried on, “I don’t think I love you…think about it, you practically forced it out of me…I see now, I don’t…â€￾
she was in high class b**** mode, I saw it in her eyes.

“Nikki…don’t do this…â€￾

“Justin, im happy your clean really I am…but it just wasn’t for me…I was miserable. Hell I ended up with you
again didn’t I…how screwed up is that.â€￾

“I don’t believe you…Now just tell me why…why you started using again…â€￾

She shrugged, I grabbed her, shook her… “Why….I love you… I know you love me, why…â€￾ and then it hit
me, the reason I knew why I had been avoiding admitting that I knew she was using “Why wasn’t that
enough…why wasn’t I enoughâ€￾

“You never were…what makes you think now is any different.â€￾

As she went to pass me, I grabbed her purse “what the hell are you doin’ give that back!!!â€￾

I rummaged, till I found it. The little white bag.

I opened it, and I poured it down the toilet bowel.

“Bastard, that's almost 9 grand….â€￾ She started slapping me.

Then I did a thing I knew id be adding to my “shame listâ€￾ I hit her back…hard. So hard, she knocked back
hit the wall and was knocked out.

Not my proudest moment I think you’ll all agree, but it had to be done.

“Tiny…yeah could you get the car round back now…I need you to pick something up, in the ladies…yeah ill
explain later just hurry up.â€￾

I adjusted her, I checked she wasn’t bleeding, not too seriously hurt…it really killed me to lift my hand to
her, id never done that to a woman in my life. Id been raised right….then again so had she but looked how
she turned out….

Tiny picked her up, we assured the security staff, as well as her friend Anna – Equally out of it, that she

was fine that I was taking her home. It was so weird. No one even batted an eyelid….i could have been any one taking her anywhere – and in a sense maybe I was…






I heard sounds, and then I felt something soft- damp at my face….
My eyes shot open; there was Justin of all people holding a compress to my head. What the hell was he
doing here? Wasn’t he meant to be in LA?

And just were in the hell was I.

“Justin…where…what…is this?â€￾ I leaned up. Looked around I wasn’t at my appartment if I wasn’t mistaken
I was in a bloody hotel room.

“Does your head hurt?â€￾ he asked, softly…almost so softly that I couldn’t hear him. He looked sad.
“Yeah it hurts like hell…Not sure why though…â€￾ I laughed getting up.

“Where am I?â€￾

He looked around “Hyatt…Nikki, you don’t remember do you?â€￾

“Remember what?â€￾ he sighed, I just got hella irritated
“Nikki I have arranged a car to come, take you outta here…â€￾
“Well good, because ive work to be doin’…â€￾ I looked for my boots.

“No…baby…No… the plane is gonna take you to Arizona.â€￾ What the hell was he talking about, the only
thing I knew about in good old Zona was…Ooh no…he knew…he knew.

I froze, sure id been using heavily since he wasn’t around and I thought id done a pretty good job at hiding it. I guess I was wrong…somehow.

“How…â€￾ was all I needed to say?

“I came to see you few days ago, you were pretty out of it….i knew then, hell it was crystal clear…all the
signs…then tonight at the club.â€￾

“Club?â€￾ what the hell was he talking about….i was scared, I didn’t know any of what he was talking about.

“You don’t…â€￾ he clenched his jaw, “you don’t even remember that do you….Jesus Christ Nikki how much sh**
are you on…â€￾

“Justin, don’t yell at me…I just don’t…â€￾

“Remember I know!! Jesus I know, I was there wasn’t I…when you told me you were doin all of this
because of me, and because that now you weren’t even sure you loved me, that id pressurised you into it…
Is that how you really feel?â€￾ I felt the tears sting in my eyes…

“I said all that?â€￾

He just laughed, a hurt sarcastic laugh…I did didn’t I.

“The car will be here in ten minutes.â€￾

“I can’t…â€￾ I cried “I can’t go back there Justin, im just not strong enough to do that again…PLEASE don’t make me…â€￾

He shrugged me off of him, coldly. It was the first freeze id ever gotten from him, I didn’t even know he was capable of it to be totally honest.

“No, you have too, its for your own good…weather or not you love me…I love you…and I wont let you ruin
your life like I almost ruined mine, I care too much about you to do that…â€￾ He walked over to the other side
of the room and presented me with a bag.

“Ill walk you to the car….â€￾ He took my hand and led me, like I was a child…put me in the car, despite my
constant tears of objection, and had one of his guards watch me all the way there.

It was humiliation at its worst. He drove the car that held his security, they didnt say a word...Not while the "boss" on board. He only re-assured me that it "was for the best" and that Id be "fine" that he "Loved
me" and the only thing he wanted for me to be myself again. The only thing I wanted to do to him involved
a knife and a lot of blood. I really couldnt believe he was selling me out like that...I DID NOT have a problem.



When we landed at the airport, sure as his word was true there was a plane ready and waiting. I still
couldn’t fully comprehend what I was doing, another side effect of constant drug abuse.

Everything seemed so, cold…unnerving almost. I didn’t want to do it; I didn’t think I could put myself
through all that shame again. A big part of me then was angry at him; I thought who the hell was he to do
this to me, against my will… It just wasn’t fair.

Then again, id done it to him, it helped him…it enabled him to help and possibly save me…Id have to
remember that when all this was done.



Id slept a little on the plane and once we’d touched down another car was there to take me to the middle
of nowhere land that was “meadowsâ€￾…

I was dreading it, I knew what was to come and it wasn’t gonna be pretty rough, what made it worse was
the look he gave me when I left. Not one of anger or hate…but something much worse, disappointment.

In a way he was completely right, I was the one that would preach to him on moral values, on respecting
your life and the lives of those around you…then I shoot it all to hell by proving what a hypocrite I was….i
felt liked you imagine, I felt like sh**. And walking into that place, having all my things taken from me, forced
to share a room with f***ing Kate Moss of all people…you know I was in hell.

Still with little or no recollection of what exactly went down with Justin in that club or anyone for that
matter, there were DAYS that I couldn’t remember, it was like Sunday I knew what I did…Monday through
Wednesday I had no idea if I was living or dead.

That's what frightened me the most, the black outs, that's what I had no control over….anything could have
happened to me, I could have done anything, or for that matter ANYONE for all I knew at least.

That's the main reason I didn’t call Justin, id heard he had called to see if id made it, if I was okay…if I was
adjusting.

Cold concern, the worst kind. Id been there two weeks, and I was making as they said “steady progressâ€￾
the night sweats were getting worse, the sickness was killing me, and the worst of all, the damn
psychotherapy or “healingâ€￾ as they spun it... Man it dragged on didn’t it?

All this talk of myself, I mean I knew I was interesting but damn after a while even I was bored.

It was to my great surprise when I was walking the grounds one Saturday morning, and I saw him leaving
from front desk. Walking towards me, it was early October id been there a month an a half.

“hi…â€￾ he said, me still not fully believing it was really him.

“What are you doin here?â€￾ I asked stopping just before we made contact.

“I know I hadn’t been…im sorry…I always meant too but when I called I was told you weren’t having
visitors…â€￾

“that was a month ago.â€￾ I added coldly.

“I know, ive been busy…they um…took me to court over the album dropout. But ive managed to settle it so
it hasn’t gone to press…we’re doing the greatest hits after all…its over.â€￾

I just nodded “Im in REHAB dude, lets measure up shall we?â€￾ I walked past him.

“Nikki am sorry okay? For everything, im sorry…when this happened with you, I just freaked…I didn’t want
to go back down that road again…I didn’t think I was strong enough to watch that happen to you…â€￾

“So you just ship me off here and forget about me is that it?â€￾

“NO…And you know that's not true.â€￾

I just smirked, and walked on even further ahead of him, I really wasn’t that interested in his excuses.

“Yeah well im sorry too, im sorry I EVER met you…â€￾
“You don’t mean that…â€￾ he countered.

“Don’t I? don’t you?...maybe you were right in sending me here alone, to cope ALONE…I didn’t do that to
you, I took you here…almost holding your f***ing hand, what do you do to show me you support me? You
send your body guards…Classy.â€￾ I walked in side and hopefully in to my room alone.

As I opened my bible, to re-read what id done for the longest time I heard the knock, which I promptly
ignored.

“Nik…can I come in please?â€￾ I heard from the other end. He was annoying as hell wasn’t he?

“Fine…â€￾ I didn’t look up as he came in and sat on my tiny bed.

“Look the doctors tell me you can leave in a few weeks…that's good right it must mean you’re…â€￾
“Im what? Cured? I don’t think so, I think it’s just they realised that there is no hope for me so they may as

well let me go…â€￾ still I didn’t look up, I was too mad at him.

“No not cured, just…stronger, that's gotta mean something.â€￾

“Nope…whats the point in leaving to re-enter the real world…when you have no one in it to welcome you…â€￾
yeah I was cold now, wasn’t I. again I think I had the right, the son of b**** just left me when the going got
tough…I couldn’t forgive that. No matter how scared he was.






His face dropped when I said what I said, and rightly so too. “Look all I can do is apologise to you, I mean
it when I say it, but if that's not good enough for you…if IM not good enough for you…then tell me now and
ill leave and you’ll never have to be bothered with me again…â€￾

“So you’re really just giving up, just like that…GOD your so spineless it makes me crazy!â€￾

“f*** this Nikki, im not spineless, im not the one who turned to cocaine and E when the as you say
the “going got toughâ€￾ only it didn’t. if anything it was simple, only you couldn’t handle that could you…you
needed an out…you were the one who gave up on us the second you took that sh**…you needed it more
than you needed me, go on admit it!â€￾

Why did he make me want to cry so much, I hated him for that for using my emotions against me?

“I was scared okay? I was scared to love you again because if I did was sure you’d be like every other
person in my life that I loved…I was scared you'd leave me.â€￾


Finally I allowed my tear soaked eyes to meet with his. “What?â€￾

“I knew it would happen, once “loveâ€￾ was brought into it, that it was inevitable. You'd get bored or id get
bored and then we’d end up leaving each other…hurt and alone.â€￾

“You really thought that after EVERYTHING you and I had been through, that id…â€￾ he stood up walked over
to the small window over looking the desert “Nikki ive loved you since I was 16 years old, I don’t think
there's much that could drive me away from you…there's nothing I wouldn’t do for you…you know that.â€￾

“Then why’d you leave me here?â€￾ I sobbed.

“Because, I knew this was something you needed to do, alone…you needed to face things…things I had no
business knowing or dealing with…this was all on you…but you have to know if I could have…id have been
right here with you…all the way…â€￾

“But you weren’t…â€￾ I pouted, drying my tears.

“No your right, I wasn’t…but I will be…I Will be…â€￾

I needed to believe that, for my own sanity if nothing else.</span>

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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Sun Feb 12, 2006 2:04 pm

I know it's hard for Nik to understand now, but she needs a heavy dose of tough love. And she's getting it. He got her to rehab, but there is no way that Justin is going to be able to cure her. She has to want that for herself. I don't want her to throw her fabulous life away, so I hope she really devotes herself to recovery.

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Postby laura » Mon Feb 20, 2006 10:56 am

<span style='color:hotpink'><span style='font-family:Times'>There is SO much more DRAAAMA * i love doin that* to come, you have NO idea! * insert evil laugh here* :lol: </span></span>

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Postby Angelpopstar7 » Mon Feb 20, 2006 11:30 pm

Oh wow that was a drama chapter. At least he got her into rehab where she can get help. I know it was the last thing that she wanted but it was what she needed. But there's no saying that she won't go back to her old ways once she gets out of rehab. In rehab they give you the necessary tools to help fight your addiction but they can't stop you from going back if you want to. I just hope that Nikki realizes that drugs are only going to f*ck up her and her life and that she needs to stay away from them. Hopefully with Justin's love and support she'll be able to overcome this obstacle in her life and go on to bigger and better things. MORE PLEASE!

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Postby laura » Tue Mar 07, 2006 9:38 am

<span style='font-family:Times'>updates are a comin'!!!! ;) </span>

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Postby laura » Wed Mar 08, 2006 9:33 am

<span style='font-family:Times'>
Hi all!!! this one is super long, so i hope i get forgiven for not doin this in 4 EVER! but you know i love y'all right? :D Ive finished this one, a while ago actually, so now its just a matter of getting it out there for you all to read!!! so, please....DOITDOITDOIT!
Much love, ;) </span>





<span style='font-family:Times'>Leaving her there, it was hard. Id almost forgotten what that place was like….Almost.
I knew how I felt when I had to go through it, all of it. It was one of the reasons I let her go there alone.
Because when I was there, when people like my mom would call it broke my heart and tripled my guilt all over again. I didn’t want that to happen to her. I needed her to go it alone, I knew id only serve as a distraction.

I promised her that she could call me the day before she was due to be released, id come pick her up.
Before that though, amongst all the confusion I decided to fly to New York, I wanted to surprise her.

I needed to clean up her appartment, it was hers yes but I had my keys and I also remembered the sight of it when we left. If anything this was a fresh start for her, the least she should have is a fresh appartment, no more memories of that time. I was convinced this was a good idea.

Then of course I got there and realised – I don’t know how to clean….

“Ok…â€￾ I began “take one sprinkle and add to water, dip cloth and rinse…then wipe…Huh…Simple.â€￾ I took
the shiny crap and I did as it told. Then I wiped the windows….

“Okay, now it doesn’t say how to dry…â€￾ I look around for a set of instructions on “dryingâ€￾ windows….yeah
there aren’t none.

“Damn it…â€￾

and I realised pretty quick, toilet paper NOT a thing to use to clean windows, that sh** gets every where…

I needed help…


“Justin im so surprised you called, I mean sure I want to help and all, but I don’t really clean…I hire people

to do that for me…â€￾

“Yeah I know, me too…sad huh, I think it’s why I gotta do this, it be a nice thing for her to come home to a nice new place…â€￾
“Your totally right…Ill be over as soon as I can.â€￾


“Cool, I owe you one…thanks Kate.â€￾

Three hours later and Kate shows up, in her what look like gym gear and with two bottles of drink in her
hand, one red wine the other vodka.

“Hi…Im here to serve!â€￾ she laughed walking into the kitchen and leaving down the bottles. “Where should
we start?â€￾

“Well ive already taken care of the kitchen, then the sitting room needs a few things and oh…I f***ed up
her widows…â€￾

“What is that?â€￾ she was clearly talking about the little white marks on the window. “Is that toilet paper?â€￾

“Uh yeah, rookie mistake I guess….well anyway should we get started?â€￾

“Sure…um how about a little drink first…â€￾

“Oh I don’t drink…â€￾

She pouts, “Aww don’t leave me hanging here all by myself…just a little bit of wine?â€￾

“Na really it’s just not something ive don’t in a long while…â€￾

“Since…â€￾

“Since, I decided not too…â€￾ I didn’t want to go into details with her.

“Oh but I thought your deal was coke, x…not alcohol…â€￾


“What?â€￾

“Don’t worry J your secret is safe with me, and I insist you have a drink…you look like you need it!â€￾

I was resistant, I mean I hadn’t drank in almost a six months, it was a change I wasn’t sure I was willing
to back out on.

“Come on, its just a little wine…It’s harmless…â€￾ she winked.




Tow hours and a shining appartment later, I was on my way to some serious drunkenness. It turns out;
when you don’t drink your tolerance for the sh** goes waaaay down…all it took was three vodkas and a
half a bottle of wine. Usually id have to drink the sea dry before I noticed any kind of effect.


“I can’t drink any more…â€￾ I slurred, “I need to sleep…Im so tired ive hardly had any rest…â€￾

She seemed just as drunk as I was…and I noticed how much she resembled Nikki…it was weird.

“Na, this is fine, we’re hardly even drunk…this is nothing!â€￾ she cackled as she poured herself another.

“You know whats weird, I don’t even like the taste of this sh** any more…I used too though…â€￾ I
admitted “Sometimes id get so wasted and out of it that id end up just randomly hooking up with these
people…not just one girl…sometimes id wake up next to a few…â€￾ I laughed, not remembering any of it of
course, just the morning after mores the shame really.

“That doesn’t sound so bad…all those girls must have loved you all over them…â€￾
“I wouldn’t know, I don’t recall ANY of it…sadly…â€￾
“Shame, I bet it was fun…â€￾


Okay was I totally sh** face or was her smiling and touching – was she flirting with me?
“Oh yeah?â€￾

“Yeah, dude in case you didn’t notice…you’re f***ing hot…who wouldn’t like you…â€￾

Oh yeah totally flirting.

“I don’t know about that…â€￾ awkward. I hated when girls did that, I mean the attention was nice…but one
on one like this was a little scary if I was honest. Then something happened, my stomach felt sick, my head
felt light and I could barely hold my head up….oh yeah I was definitely pissed.

“Well I know…â€￾ she scooted closer.

“I think I need some water…â€￾

“NO…â€￾ she almost shouted “sit her with me okay…â€￾

“Umm…â€￾ remember I was drunk, so technically I had nothing to do with what happens next.

“Justin…â€￾

“Yes…â€￾ I don’t look at her, so she forces my head her direction. “Kiss me…â€￾

“No I – “

With that she had her over glossed lips all up in my business. I didn’t want to be all kissing on her…but she
felt good, it was nice…and since she was practically holding me down…

Ok…excuses, I know…but again I was three sheets to the wind…

Wait what does that mean anyway?

Well I was that and then some…I didn’t have the strength to fight her off. For some one so small she sure
as hell was heavy.

“Nikki….â€￾

“What?â€￾ she looked at me I think…then she kissed me again, and from then on I was almost convinced she
was Nikki….it was the hair, man all these blondes it got confusing when your drunk.






Her hands slipped to my chest, freeing mine. She let the wander a little…doing a bang up job of reliving me
of my button up shirt. But something wasn’t right, not the way she touched him and certainly not the way
she kissed…there was something off about Nikki…

Then it happened, my cell phone started buzzing on the kitchen counter….it was like I snapped out of this
weird trance.


“I should get that…â€￾

“No you really shouldn’t…why stop now…â€￾ she started in on my neck again.

“No really.â€￾ I pushed her off me, and apparently with some force, she fell off the couch.

“Jesus that could leave a bruise…â€￾

I rushed to my cell, and wouldn’t you know it…

“Mom. Hi…whats up.â€￾

“Whats up, whats UP, Ill tells you whats up! Where the hell are youâ€￾

“Im in New York…where else would I be ma?â€￾

“How bout Arizona…â€￾

“wha?â€￾

“With Nikki…Baby why didn’t you tell me she was in rehab…â€￾

Nikki…sh**… see that right there, that was the moment everyone who ever called me a stupid prick, they
became right.

“baby, what are you doin’ you sound strange…â€￾

“Na ma, im just tired…look can we talk about this later…I promise ill explain everything!â€￾

“You better…love you…â€￾

“You too ma…â€￾ when I hung up, I couldn’t really move…id never sobered up so fast in all my life.

“Justin…â€￾ oh she was still here.

“Kate, I think you should leave…â€￾

“Wh- what? Your kidding right…I mean you’re…â€￾ she stood up…shocked, clearly rejection was the one thing
she wasn’t good at taking.


“I need you to leave, what you and I were doin was SO wrong on so many levels its not even funny…I love
Nikki and I don’t want nor need anyone else.â€￾

“That wasn’t what you were saying a few minutes ago…â€￾ she came over and wrapped her arms around me
again, I had to force her away.

“NO…Listen to me, this isn’t gonna happen, not now – not ever…so do your self a favour and go home.â€￾

“What the f*** is this, five minutes ago you were all over me…and now? What…â€￾

“I…thought you were Nik…I was…am drunk…what was happening shouldn’t have been happening.â€￾


“But it was, and you liked it…â€￾ yeah women are lucky they at least can contain their – excitement…shall we
say.

“That’s not the point…look I don’t wanna do this okay…and as Nikki’s friends neither should you…â€￾

She laughed, “Like she hasn’t screwed my men in the past…you really don’t know the first thing about
whats she's like do you? All you see is Saint Nikki…â€￾

“No…actually I see her for what she is…a good person. Unlike us…â€￾ I felt such deep shame it was
indescribable.

“Did you know that she once almost killed herself? Yeah she almost jumped off of a building on 5th…she's
a head case Justin…you have to know that…she's crazy…she kept talking about killing her baby…I mean
what the f*** is that…she doesn’t even have a baby…im telling you now, get out while you still can…â€￾

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing… “What the hell kind of friend are you? This is her personal sh** and
your just spreading it like its gossip…â€￾ she just shrugged,

“Im just letting you know the facts on your honey….that’s all…â€￾

“No, this is all…â€￾ I grabbed her by the elbow. I opened the door, and for the lack of a better term I chucked
her out. Slammed the door and locked it.

“My shoes asshole…â€￾ I heard from the other end. So I grabbed them and I and chucked them out after her,
didn’t say anything and again…slammed the door.

I was in such deep sh**, I could already feel myself sinking….Not good, not good at ALL!

For three weeks straight I was wrecked with guilt. I just couldn’t function, I didn’t know how to lie to her…

when she’d call and id know by the sound of her voice that she needed someone to talk to, I just couldn’t,
because every time all I wanted to do was tell her what a horrible drunken mistake id made…it should
have been easy right just flat out say “I was drunk off my ass and I made out unwillingly with your best
friend. Im sorry forgive me?â€￾ easy right? Yeah that's what I thought too…then the more I let it go the
worse it got.

The day she was due to be realised I was running late as usual, so I had a driver and a limo pick her up…if
you have to travel alone at least let it be in style….But she said she had somewhere to go first...Something
to take care of....what it was, I had no idea...



Getting out of the grounds of meadows was one of the scariest, exhilarating and most terrifying times of
my life. And given all ive been through you know that’s a tough thing to say.
It was sweet of Justin to give me his limo, but he was there waiting for me that's all I really needed from
him.

There was something else that I needed to do first, before I could completely and absolutely put this
chapter of my life to an end forever.

I needed to see my parents.

My dad I hadn’t seen in at least four years, my mom I made a brief and mistaken attempt at contacting
almost three…I needed closure, and I was gonna get it, even if it killed me.

The flight to New Orleans was awful, I was filled with so much dread it was unreal.
When I touched down I contemplated calling her first but then I didn’t, chickened out…that and I didn’t
need her putting me off. I needed to do this!

I got there, and I noticed the house was different than before. They had added on to the mansion, if that was even possible.
I rang the large door bell, and waited.

The maid (yeah the MAID) answered.
“Um hi…im Nikki…um my mom she-“

“Aw you’re Mrs Gillian’s daughter yes?â€￾ she looked Hispanic and her English was so good.

“Yes, I am…I think…â€￾ I stepped inside the house that rivalled Justin’s…it wasn’t as cool but it was huge.

“Nikki, oh my…what are you doin here…â€￾ I saw her come into the foyer looking cool and causal in black slacks and a crimson polo shirt.

“Hi mom…â€￾ she moved in to hug me, and as I wasn’t expecting it I didn’t give her one in return. She wasn’t
a hugger, I usually wasn’t on either.

“What brings you here…â€￾ she led me to the living room, a room that was sporadically covered in pictures of
her and Richard, and his three kids. Two boys and girl. All of which I hadn’t met, that Christmas id been,
they had been with their mother in aspen.

“Well, I was…hoping we could just talk…â€￾

“What about?â€￾

“Us…you and me and the lack of a…connection between us. It’s been something ive wanted to do for such
a long time mom, ive been through a lot this last year, this last 8 years actually….â€￾

“Nikki you know that im your mother, and I am glad you’ve come, but as far as the past is concerned
sweetie, lets just leave where it belongs…in the past.â€￾
“NO, you see…you always do this…and I can’t do it anymore mom, I can’t keep lying to myself about this…â€￾

“This, what? You’re making no sense….â€￾ Why is it that I could speak to 200 people and feel wonderful and
confident, but with my own mother I shrivel into a 5 year old?

“when I got pregnant, why did you make me do what I did…why, what was it about me getting
pregnant that was SO awful….that you said you’d disown me…and when I got rid of my baby…you disowned me anyway…â€￾

“I didn’t and you know that….â€￾ she said sternly.

“YES you did, now tell me…why?â€￾

“You were 17 years old do you really think you could have raised that….thing by yourself?â€￾

“Thing…â€￾ the tears welled up in my eyes, I felt the sting, I tried to stop it but I just couldn’t...

“Yes Nikki that thing, it wasn’t a baby….not then….not ever…you have to understand that…â€￾ she was still
cold and uncaring in her voice….i just broke down.

“It was a baby, it was to me!!! I wanted to have it…him or her, I wanted it but you swore that things
would be okay if I did what I did, and they WEREN’T!!! You lied to me, you lied…â€￾ I tired to stop the
sobbing but I just couldn’t…it was too much.

“Nikki, stop crying…stop crying right now…â€￾

“You and daddy did it; you had me when you were 19, whats the difference? You had me, and you were okay…â€￾

“No, I wasn’t….â€￾ she turned away from me.

“w-what?â€￾

“I wasn’t okay Nikki, I…look I told you this isn’t…stop talking about this nonsense right now do you hear
me!!â€￾ her thick southern accent getting deeper as she yelled.

“No momma, NO! Tell me…why were you not okay with me.â€￾

“I never wanted a child….is that what you wanted to hear? Is it? I never… my parents had found out, and I

was made marry your daddy…â€￾

My heart beat sped up “what…â€￾

“I was 18 when I got pregnant with you, you father was just a boy…I liked…but I never wanted to be
married to him…â€￾

“You didn’t love daddy….is that what your sayin’â€￾

She stood up at the fire place, her hands shaking and tears brimming.

“In time I grew to hold affection for him…but love…hell I didn’t even what love was, I was so naive. That's
why I didn’t want you being burdened with that child…I made that mistake and I wasn’t about to stand by
and – “

“I was a mistake….i was BURDEN?â€￾ I just couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “Who the hell are you? I
don’t know you at all…â€￾

“Now Nikki don’t go reading all kinds into this…I just…â€￾

“You never wanted me, I mean I knew you weren’t like other mom’s you…never read to me, or played or…
any of that, work was more important to you…â€￾

“I wanted a career, surely you of all people can understand that…â€￾ was she trying to justify her actions…

“Oh hell NO! I understand alright, that you’re a selfish b**** of a woman…that's what I understand…â€￾

“I am still your mother, do not talk to me that way…â€￾ she stood in my face.
“you know what, for the longest time…when I was a kid I always thought it was my fault, that you didn’t
love me like the other moms loved their daughters…so I tried to be the best I could be…got great grades,
when to college, got a good job…all of it, and all I wanted was for once for you too tell me that you were
proud of me, that you loved me…but looking back, you never said that, not once…â€￾

“Nikki…â€￾

“Noâ€￾ I held my hand up to her face, “save it Gillian because you’ve got your wish…Im no longer your
daughter…â€￾ I grabbed my bag. And began walking for the door.

“Wait!!!!!!â€￾

I stilled but I didn’t turn around “whatâ€￾

“I do love you…â€￾ she cried

“Too little too late…when I needed you, you weren’t there for me…I don’t need you now, im grown, im
gonna be fineâ€￾ I turned to her “but I can tell you this…when I have children, ill love them more than
anything, ANYTHING on this earth…and ill tell them that everyday…because without someone to love, you
have nothing…but with out someone to love you back – you have even less…â€￾



Once I hit the pavement, I just took several deep breaths to try and keep the tears away, but it didn’t
help. I cried, I cried more than I even thought I could…as I walked away from her home, from her…and my
past…I went to try and fix my future. I needed to talk to my dad.


She’d called a few times, and when she did all I knew was that she’d seen her mother and then she was on her way to Memphis to see her dad. She didn’t go into detail and I don’t blame her, on her mother though it seemed like things hadn’t gone too well, but she said she got the answers she’d been looking for and that she was all “okayâ€￾ so I just had to wait two more days and she’d be back. Of course in the day she’d been gone, her so called “friendâ€￾ Kate had done nothing but call…me…pestering and asking me why…why id stopped the night before and why she wasn’t good enough. To be honest she sounded half pissed so I just ignored her calls. I mean what kind of woman does that, gets someone they know that doesn’t drink, pissed completely and then make moves on them? She knew I loved Nikki, if she was really her friend then she had some serious words to redefine…this was not the actions of someone who was a real “friendâ€￾


“so your okay then?â€￾

“Yup, I miss you…â€￾

“I miss you too, just so you know im in your place…have been this last few days…where are you right
now?â€￾
“Im in Memphis…ive been to see your mom, she's fed me to the brim I need to tell you…that woman…â€￾

“I know I gain like 15 lbs when ever I visit! No need to go into detail.â€￾

“I think she should totally have her own catering company…â€￾Mamma Harless’s down home cookin’â€￾ sound
good?â€￾

I had to laugh, it did actually. “Woman, when are you coming home?â€￾

“I have a few things to do right now…then im catching the first flight out in the morning…ill be there soon I
promise…â€￾

“I can’t wait to see you…â€￾

“Well…I can’t wait for other things but im almost here now, so I gotta let your mind wander…â€￾ she chuckled
evilly.

“Yeah, yeah…trick I get you.â€￾




“Whore...â€￾ she laughed

“Only for you…â€￾

“Ill bet…â€￾

“I love you Nik…â€￾ I said overly sappy, but it was the truth.

“I know….im so thankful that you do, cause you wanna know something…I adore you.â€￾

With that she clicked off and left me with a huge grin that was until the door bell went and I instantly knew
who it was.

“Kate, what the f*** is this…ive told you…â€￾

“I know I just need to know when Nikki is gonna be home.â€￾ She stood in her door way all in black; she
looked like the Grimm reaper.

“Why?â€￾

“Because... I need to talk to her, about us.â€￾

“US? Oh honey I hate to break it to you, but getting me pissed and you coming on to me don’t qualify as
an us…â€￾

“What you did…â€￾

“What I did…â€￾ I asked. What the hell was she on?

“Yes, you see she doesn’t know that you were drunk that I came on to you or any of that…so who do you

think she's gonna believe? The ex drugged up pop singer with a rep for the ladies…or her best friend?â€￾

Was she serious?

“She loves me, she trusts me…its you that’s the fraud here not me.â€￾

“yeah, but now…you see…she still thinks you’re the dude that’s the womanizer, that she doesn’t
completely trust, you see as her best friends I know these things…â€￾ she went to walk away from the door.

“Why are doin this?â€￾

She just shrugged “I don’t want to see my friend get hurtâ€￾ she said in a sweet voice, with the most evil look in her eyes.

“But you’re the one hurting her, ive done nothingâ€￾

“But that doesn’t mean you wont, I don’t want to see her get invested in you when we both know that
when the next little bit of skirt comes along you’ll be off! I care for her…â€￾

“No you don’t, she loved me, and I love her more than anything…just leave us both the f*** alone!â€￾

“No…â€￾

***********************

Walking onto the path that lead onto my childhood home, I loved that house. I loved the blossom tree that
still stood in front of my bedroom. I used it to climb out of when ever I was grounded. It got me into more
trouble than I was in before.

I knocked on the same red door, and I waited.

I heard shuffling, and then he answered.

“Nikki sweetheart….Jesusâ€￾ he looked a little older than before, his head for a little grayer than it had been
last time id seen him.

“Hi daddy….how are you?â€￾

“Shocked to see you…come in!â€￾

The house was warm with the fire going and the lamps lit. It was almost 7pm, so I wasn’t shocked.

“Honey what are you doin here, why haven’t you called.â€￾

“I didn’t want to, I wanted to surprise you…surprise.â€￾ He smiled warmly.

“Ive missed you sweetie.â€￾

“Ive missed you too dad.â€￾

“So how are things with you, work good…â€￾

“Yeah, ive ummmâ€￾ been in rehab. “Been busy…I just been busy…â€￾
“But your okay then, otherwise I mean you’re….â€￾

“daddy, im fine…ive got everything sorted at the moment, nice place in the city close to work, some nice
friends, boyfriend…â€￾

“Boyfriend?â€￾ he smiled.

“Yes…well…I think, yeah he is…â€￾

“Who is he?â€￾

“Umm, he…oh…Justin Timberlake…you know Lynn and Paul’s boy…â€￾

“Ooh yes, he's a nice boy…singer? I think…ive seen him on the Grammy’s.â€￾


“Id assume so…he's…good.â€￾ I smiled too.

“Well im glad you’re happy then dear…â€￾ he handed me my coffee. “You look thin…have you been eating
right?â€￾

“Daddy. I umm…I went to see mu- Gillian…â€￾

“Your mother?â€￾

“Yes….daddy I know, everything…she told me what happened with you and her, all of it, and then with me…
I know…â€￾ his eyes saddened his head lowered.

“I see…â€￾

“I don’t need you to go into this but I just want you to know that im okay…im not mom, and I know that
you were against me having the – “I didn’t know if I could bring this up again, something id spent years
running from, to have two in depth revelations about it in two days was a little much even for
me “abortion. And I know that when you found out what mom had done with me, you and her…well it all
went wrong… but I need you to know that I love you for wanting to help me then, for wanting me to have
my child…for wanting ME.â€￾

“You know about the marriage then?â€￾

“Yes…and I am so sorry you had to go through that daddy…someone who didn’t appreciate you…it’s not
right…â€￾

“No its not but I did love her…I guess it just wasn’t enough…for her…I mean I…well we had you and that
was the one good thing…im so grateful for that.â€￾

I hugged him; I needed a hug I think more than him. “I love you Nikki…it’s so good to see you again…
please don’t leave it so long next time.

“I won’t dad; I promise…I am okay now, and I just hope that…we can be too…â€￾

“we will baby…we will!â€￾





When she showed up at her appartment I had it all decked out…all of it, roses…nice lighting, music…all
sweetness tipped with a serious amount of guilt.

“J…are you here?â€￾ I heard her come through the door, bags in hand.

“Hey you…how was…everything?â€￾

She smiled… “Hell…â€￾ she looked around mesmerised. “J…what is all this! Oh…my god…you did all this, this
place looks amazing!â€￾

I liked that id made her in the least bit happy.

“Well you’re totally welcome…â€￾ I embraced her in a hug I was just so glad to have her in my arms again,
the feeling of love just washed over me.

“I missed you so much Justin …â€￾

Guilt, guilt, guilt… “You know I missed you too…so very much…you okay…â€￾

She nodded “I am now…Im just so glad to be home. I seriously can’t believe you did all this…alone, you
cleaning…â€￾

“Well…Kate helped.â€￾

“Kate? Jesus…now that I really don’t believe.â€￾ She walked into her bedroom, and I heard it. She was
bouncing on her bed laughing.

“Well someone’s certainly happy…â€￾ I walked in and leaned against her door frame.

“YUP! God I love New York, so much I love this city I love this town, I love this ROOM! And I love you…â€￾ she
said still smiling, and still bouncing.

“Is that right…?â€￾

“Yup.â€￾

“I don’t believe you…â€￾ I added to her smile with my own, walking over and grabbing her legs, making her
fall on her ass.

“Dude, what do you think you’re doing…â€￾ still her smile didn’t disappear.

“Contemplating making sweet, sweet lurve…â€￾ she laughed at me, I loved her laugh “to my sweet, sweet
girlfriend. Is that okay with you?â€￾

“Totally….completely and absolutely.â€￾

“Justin are you sure, anything else?â€￾

“No. look you don’t have to go to the market…stay here ill goâ€￾ yeah I didn’t know how much he meant that
statement, he was still clothes free and lying up in my bed, as I rooted through my wardrobe for my
favourite cashmere v- neck.

“Naw, I think I need this…after weeks and weeks in confinement, this is a gift…and I could use the air.â€￾

“If you’re sure…â€￾

“I am…â€￾ I leaned over to kiss him but he grabbed me back in, a habit I should have sensed by the look in
his eye.

“We don’t need food…let’s just do that again…â€￾

“That?â€￾

“Yeah…â€￾ he smiled deviously “that thing, that we JUST did…lets do that again!â€￾

“Down boy…I need something nice…im starving…â€￾

He pouted… “You’re lucky I love you…â€￾

I slapped his cheek lightly “yeah, yeah…what do you want from the shops…â€￾

“Only you…â€￾

“Yeah they don’t sell that but ill see what I can do…â€￾ with that and one last peck on his stubbly cheek I
walked to my favourite little market on the corner.

Getting my bits and bobs, and thanking mr Samere, I was just about to set off to mr love-a love-a….when
my cell rang, I hadn’t even remembered turning it on again, but oh well.

“Nikki Johnsonâ€￾ I answered in my professional manner, of which I still did because Id called my ever
understanding and amazing boss when I got to Arizona and she assured me that the company didn’t want
to lose me, air go I still had a job –praise Jesus!

“Nik…your homeâ€￾

It was Kate. “yes you whore I am, and I am so very glad to know that you missed me so much that you
called me every day…NOT where the hell where you.â€￾

I was only half joking.

“Um…well you know with work and all…it was insane and I thought that maybe you needed to be totally
alone, I didn’t want to…â€￾

“Save it…im over it…â€￾ I flicked it off, I was a little bothered by it, but whatever right… “Whats up…â€￾
“Where are you?â€￾

“Im heading to my building, why?â€￾

“is Justin with you?â€￾ she sounded weird, like she’d either just got up or hadn’t been to bed yet….both
were not out of the question.

“Uh, no he isn’t…whats this about…â€￾

“Honey I don’t know how to say this…I mean I don’t even want too really…but I…feel like I have too, I
mean you’re my friend right and you’d want me to be honest with you.â€￾

“Of course, but Im gonna have to ask you do…get to the point before I get run over!â€￾ I laughed it off, Kate
always was a little overly dramatic…I wasn’t sweating whatever it was that she considered to be her
latest crisis.

“Well…the other night. When I got over to you’re appartment, you know to help Justin…â€￾

“Yeah?â€￾ I reached my lobby waved to Alan the security guard and hit the button for my lift.

“well he was…drunk, and at first I ignored it and got on with things…you know to make things nice for
when you came home…he offered me some drinks, I took em…and you know me….i got totally pissed real
quick, so I didn’t really know what I was doin…â€￾

I was sweating, I really didn’t like where this was going.

“And?â€￾

“Annnnd…â€￾ she drawled out “he came on to me Nikki, and I was so drunk that I just didn’t realise…â€￾

I felt my stomach knot up. I felt sick.

“Wha- what happened Kate…â€￾

“Nikki, I am so sorry…really I just…im sorry…â€￾ she sounded like she was sobbing.

I felt my anger build “did you sleep with him.â€￾ Id reached my door.


“Yes…â€￾ she blurted. I froze; my bags tumbled to the ground as did my phone.
Id never in my life felt so…played. He slept with my best friend…he’d…like everyone else in my life; he’d
betrayed me, my trust…my love….

That bastard!

I didn’t even bother picking up the crap that fell, I just swung the door open, walked in and slammed it
behind me.

“Honey, that you…â€￾ he shouted from the bedroom “I had to get dressed, this place is sh** cold…â€￾ he
walked out fully dressed tugging his sweater over his head again.

“Where’s the stuff?â€￾

I didn’t say I word until I got up in his face, then I started battering him… “How could you do that to me,
you son of a b****!!! How could you!!!! I trusted you!! Justin TELL me!!!â€￾ I still continued to hit him over
and over.

“WHAT the f*** are you talkin about!! NIKKI STOP!!!!!!â€￾ he tried to grab for my wrists he only got one.

“No, don’t do that you know what am talking about you BASTARD! I cant believe you’d do that!!! I mean
why…why!!!!!!â€￾

“DO WHAT!!!!!! His eyes held nothing but confusion and fear. “You slept with Kate didn’t you…did you do it
here…in…â€￾ my eyes let go of the tears they were holding.

“Nikki No…I never slept with her, I swear to you now that I never…I wouldn’t…â€￾

“Oh no you’re just the face of virtue aren’t you…Jesus you know I cant believe I trusted you enough too…â€￾
I stomped around my living room “I want you to get out, Justin…we’re doneâ€￾

“No, listen to me, she's lying to you okay she's doing it to break us up or something…I don’t know! She
came her, she made me drink…I hadn’t drunk in a long time so it hit me weird, and I got….she came on to
me, and I swear to you…I swear I never touched her like that!!!â€￾

“Why would she do that, why would she lie, she's MY friend…â€￾

“She’s crazy!!!â€￾ he animated his hands for effect “look I love you, I do…this isn’t…I never slept with her, I
realised what she was doing, my mom called – sh** ask her!! She called, I sobered up when she yelled at
me and I threw her out! That's it, that it I swear to you!â€￾



I sat down. I didn’t know were else to go, I just slumped against the wall and popped my ass on the cold
floor.

“Nikki…â€￾

“Don’t…just don’t…â€￾ I didn’t want him near me; my stomach was still in knots.


“Don’t you trust me, if you trusted me…?â€￾
“Ive turned into one of those clichés haven’t I…? One of those women that just…â€￾ I let out a sob id tried to
keep in, I realised id cried an awful lot in the last few days.

“Baby please….â€￾ No I wasn’t going to listen, I wasn’t. I stood up, straightened myself out and walked over
to him.

“I. Want. You. To. Leave. I want you to walk out my door and take your lying ass with you do you
understand…â€￾

“Nikki I need you to listen to your self okay, you know me, I wouldn’t lie to you like this, what reason
would I have…she's the one with the reasons…she's the one that's pissed about that night I brushed her
off…â€￾

“I don’t believe you.â€￾ His face dropped.

“So that's it, that's IT? Because one crazy whore tells lies on us you just flip and jump ship? When did it
happen Nikki?â€￾

“When did what happen?â€￾ I asked crossing my arms

“When did you lose faith…in everything? In everything in your life, I thought id be the one thing that you’d…
believe in, after everything…im still not enough.â€￾

He looked as deflated as I felt as he walked out my door, closed it….and that's it…I some how knew I
wouldn’t be seeing him again.







I was so angry with her; I just really didn’t understand her reasoning. I mean here I was, the one innocent for a change, and I get the sh** heaped on me! After she kicked me out I tried calling, I tried showing up.
But after she almost called the cops on my ass I decided to just leave it. Clearly she wasn’t having any of
it…

As the fact hit me, we’d broken up…this was it – after all the ups and downs of the past months, things
we’d done…things we’d had done to us…I always figured we’d get through it you know? I guess I was
wrong. This felt somewhat final in my book.

If she didn’t trust me enough to believe me over that whore of a “friendâ€￾ them maybe she was right from
the start. This just wasn’t gonna work.

I went back to LA and of course I had to listen to Trace tell me what an idiot id been, that I shouldn’t have
given up, that I should have stayed and forced Kate to tell her the truth…but the fact was, I was tired. I
was tired of second guessing myself when it came to her and ever move I made, I was just tired. So I left
it, knowing that if she didn’t call, that was it…

And that was it; she didn’t like I knew she wouldn’t. She was like me in that sense; she was way too
proud and way, WAY too stubborn.

Now I could sit here and tell you that I moved on fairly quickly, but if I did that – we both know it would be

a big fat lie Right….?

I moped in my own special way, I sat around feeling sorry for myself and I just didn’t want to do anything
any more, that included little things like oh I don’t know…bathing, shaving…eating properly…watching
decent telly and or leaving the house.

“Justin man come on! It’s been two months, this isn’t right you know…â€￾

“Leave me alone, we’ve been over this…Im busy.â€￾ Yeah I really was….American Idol was about to come on,
and I know ive been vocal about not liking that sort of things but don’t knock it until you’ve tried it, is all I
can say…

“Sitting here looking that the abominable snowman eating cheetos, and watching Idol…aint busy man.â€￾

“Yes it is, im voting this week ive picked my favourite…she's hot!â€￾

He just shook his tiny little head and flipped his cell open, “hey Jessica, yeah I guess its just US again, and
certain people don’t want to have a life…or as it seems ever see sunlight again.â€￾ He laughed to his NEW
girlfriend, the newly divorced Ms Simpson.

When he hung up he asked again “what you wanna do, are you sure….â€￾

“Well I want another beer, then id like to slap Simon cowell…HA!â€￾

“You’re drinking again????â€￾

“It’s JUST a beer dude, chill!â€￾ I rolled my eyes and almost dismissed him.

“Well take it easy or whatever okay?â€￾

“Yeah, have fun…â€￾

I know pathetic right? My little leprechaun of a friend had a better sex life than I did for god sakes…how
was that right?

I know id become somewhat of a recluse, and I knew this was driving the pap’s crazy, well screw em’ my
pad was big enough and filled with enough crap to last me a life time…I didn’t NEED to leave, I had nothing
to leave for…no work since I backed out of the album, thank god really…the idea of putting on my “publicâ€￾
face was more than sickening the mood I was constantly in at this point….i just wanted people to leave me
alone so that I could just…be.

Is that so much to ask????



***********************</span>

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whatchagot4meMRJT
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Postby whatchagot4meMRJT » Wed Mar 08, 2006 10:33 am

:blink: :blink: :blink: :blink: :blink: OH NOOOOOOOOOO! OMG. I cannot believe what just happened. I do not want them broken up. Never ever ever. They better figure this sh** out. Trace is gonna have to fix this or something. This is crazy. If I could reach through the computer and kill Kate, I would. Dumb b****. :( Ruining everything. And her mom ... God help me. I'll kill her, too. Too many mean, crazy women in this story. :lol:

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Jamie_Jo
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Postby Jamie_Jo » Tue Mar 14, 2006 2:03 am

<span style='color:dodgerblue'>Okay, let me see if I can get this all out right, 'cause it's like 1:54 in the morning for me right now. I know I said at the Justin board that I'd get to reading it right away. And I did come over here and started getting into it. But then the power went out. It's been really windy here and it messed up the electricity so our whole park was out of power for most of the day <_<
When it finally did come back on, I got back to reading the story. I just got to the part where they're in Miami and Justin told her he thought it would be too much pressure to add their relationship to everything else they both have going on. And he wouldn't leave her hotel room so she left.
That's right. I'm not even finished with the chapter. But I can't keep my eyes open any more. But trust me it's not the story. The story is soooooooooo awesome! :clap: And there's a bunch of lines from it that I copied and pasted so I wouldn't forget them 'cause they made me laugh so much. I'll tell you what they are later. But right now... Jamie... sleep :sleepy: :blowkiss: </span>

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laura
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Postby laura » Tue Mar 14, 2006 8:45 am

<span style='font-family:Times'>awww hunnie, thanks so much for going through ALL a that!! *for lil old me* but seriously...NO PRESSURE!!! Im glad your lovin' it!!?!?!?! but yes, get some sleep!!! :D </span>

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laura
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Postby laura » Wed Mar 22, 2006 9:44 am

<span style='font-family:Times'>HI! Listen i know said i finished this AGES ago, which i did in truth, but ehhhh so...Ill post this one first and the next (LAST) chapter v.soon, like tomorow soon...
So, for the second last time everyone, enjoy and pllllease let me know what you think!</span>



<span style='color:dodgerblue'><span style='font-family:Times'>
***********************
“Nikki, come on we’re late!!!â€￾


“Just a sec….â€￾ I grabbed my papers and made my way to the consultation room. “Jesus Kate one day that
your ready before ME and its like im making you wait…chill!â€￾

“I know, im sorry it’s just UGH am so nervous about thisâ€￾

“Why, its just Diddy…he may be big but he's a sweetie really ive dealt with him a few times…it’s gonna be
fine.â€￾


“I know it will, im so glad you asked me to go in on this with you…thank you.â€￾

“Its aight…â€￾


“No, really I mean I know this last few weeks have been seriously f***ed up…thanks to me…â€￾
“Naw, look I know…it’s been difficult but it’s not your fault okay? I know him and I know how easy it is to
be charmed by him…he's always had it that way…its like when your near him you cant think straight, like
your whole world just spins….then he takes advantage of that….seriously…don’t sweat it.â€￾

“So, you’re over him then?â€￾ she raised her eyebrow.


I paused, I shouldn’t have paused because in my mind I was totally over him….my heart though…well that was a different story.


“I am…not let’s do this shall we.â€￾ I put my game face on to go in and pitch my Halloween party ideas to Mr
Diddy…wish me luck….





“You see here, this is where the special white bar would be set up for everyone on your list…â€￾

“Whats so special about it?â€￾ he asked leaning into me.

“well its draped like the rest of the club in white silk just as you wanted, then the trick this white bar only
serves white drinks, which isn’t as tricky as it sounds….anything can be made white with a little food
colouring…no taste difference…â€￾ he sat back obviously impressed.

“Wow, girl I am so glad I asked for you, you never let me down…always with these cute little quirky ideas
that just BAM hit it! This and all the other new changes…well I can tell you…we’re in business again Ms

Nikkiâ€￾ he was always so sweet to me.

“Well thank you…â€￾ was it wrong I was pleased he hated all Kate’s ideas? No…oh okay then…

“I wait for you to get in touch with the last details of the guest list before I get into actionâ€￾

“It’ll be as soon as…thanks again….â€￾

I took a deep breath as he exited the office, entourage of seven in tow.

“Well that went over well…don’t you think?â€￾

“Yeah, he loves your ideas…â€￾ she seemed down.

“Well not all of yours bombed….hes agreed to go for the “Masked ballâ€￾ idea…he liked that one.â€￾

“Yeah but he wants it all…different…â€￾

“Well he is Diddy. What are wearing anyway?â€￾

“Not sure yet…you?â€￾

“Its ladies in black, for a change and men in white as usual…im looking forward to this.â€￾

I took off my black rimmed Gucci reading glasses and went for lunch – alone for the third time that week.


It wasn’t that I didn’t like Kate as company it’s just sometimes looking at her….i just wanted to shoot her.

Id sort of kind of forgiven her for everything…I mean it wasn’t her fault right?? But then there were some
other times, when she knew I was listening- comments she make about Justin…it would tear me up. Don’t
get me wrong I hadn’t forgiven him – not in the slightest but I did love the son of a b****, id opened my
heart to him…and I guess I was just have a hard time finding the lock for it again.

My cell rang snapping me out of my daze.

“Nikki Johnsonâ€￾

“Nikki…â€￾

“Oh hi daddy…â€￾

“Hi, im not interrupting you am I?â€￾

“No, no not at all…whats up.â€￾ He was silent for a little while. “Dad?â€￾

“When are you coming to visit again?â€￾

“Ummm. Well im pretty packed until after Halloween, and then ive a few days off…why is something
wrong?â€￾

“No, no nothing like that…its just well honey, ive met someone…â€￾

“Someone who?â€￾ he sounded SO nervous I can’t even tell you.

“She’s a very nice woman, my age…she's been divorced too…um we’ve been spending some time
together…â€￾

“Daddy….do you have a girlfriend….â€￾

“Lord, NO…she's a friend that's all…â€￾

“Dad, its okay you know…it’s…nice.â€￾

“it is?????â€￾
“Well yeah, you’ve been alone long enough…I think it’s about time someone found out how amazing you
are….who is she?â€￾

“oh…well she's Anna English, she's from Texas…she's new in town and she started at the bank a few months ago…I got to showing her around and well…she asked me out.â€￾

“My kind of woman, whats she like?â€￾

“Oh she's lovely…she's very kind and nice you’d like her…id like you to meet her, that's why am callin.â€￾

Again I was so busy I could hardly breathe.

“well you know, id love to me meet her too but I cant leave right now…dad Im so busy its not even funny
at this point I have like zero time off until thanks giving….â€￾

“Oh well what if you came then? Does that sound good? For a few days…she's a great cook.â€￾ He sounded
happy – for the first time in a long time he sounded like he was smiling.

“Id loved too…â€￾

“Great, look ill call you later I have clients…so…â€￾

“Yeah, no problem daddy…Love you.â€￾ It was the first for that too. I hadn’t said that to him since I was 16.

“I love you too sweetie.â€￾

With the click of the phone, I was smiling again. Finally some area of my life was picking up. Maybe this
was an sign….maybe things could finally start falling into place instead of falling apart.

Maybe….







“You have to do this, do you know how much free publicity you’d get for this Justin, its just….insane.â€￾

“Noâ€￾

“Please….â€￾

“Noooo…Look I don’t know how many times I have to say it but im not going. Look you convinced me to do
this, I didn’t want to, I came….I partied…I want to go homeâ€￾

“Ok first of all, you didn’t party you nursed one soda the whole night you wouldn’t even drink…you barely
talked to anyone, that does not qualify as partying.â€￾ My tiny friend looked around the room, the messy
once clean hotel room.

“SO, you’re just gonna sit here all night by your self….dude it’s a Diddy party…you know they’ll be so off
the chain, you have to go….â€￾

“Off the chain, yeah 1998 called it wants it slang back….â€￾

“Project ALL you want Justin but the fact of the matter is, you haven’t shaved, and its seems bathed
since….â€￾

“Since what?â€￾

“Nikki and y’all…it’s been two months man, you haven’t done sh**, and it’s starting to show.â€￾ Okay now he
was back to making fun of the fact that id “grownâ€￾ an ass and a belly, it wasn’t attractive.

“It’s not that bad….â€￾

“Nope, not now…give it a few weeks, and your entering beer gut territory….hard to shift – trust meâ€￾ he
patted his new svelte self.

“No, still not going, look is it so hard to believe that I just want so time…to just be alone, reflex…â€￾

“Watch American idol…No, it’s not but its worrying that's all, I need a partner in crime again man and im
sorry but your cousin the clown just isn’t the vibe am gonna go for….â€￾

“Memphis shorty big heard right? That was one weird conversation I have to admit.â€￾

â€￾So will you come with me or what?â€￾ he asked again this time I knew I was pushing his limited patience.

“I might drop by later, MIGHT.â€￾
“After idol?â€￾ he asked heading out the door, god…was this what my life had become – Trace, yes TRACE

y’all had a better social life than I did…something definitely had to change….

So after I cursed diddy and all his party antics, I went and tried to get ready. It was difficult getting rid of
the beard, I didn’t like doing that – then again I didn’t want to scare people so I shaved it. Smartened
myself up and made my way to the hotel lobby where I was told my car would “pickâ€￾ be up. It was late and

I was getting more nervous by the second.



There were people, lots and lots of people. I hadn’t been to a public event of this size in a long time. I
almost forgot how to be at one of these things…I forgot there were press there, asking questions, I just
forgot….and realised I missed the results show of Idol…damn it.

“A Budweiser….bottle’s fine.â€￾ I asked the tender, who obliged.

I looked around the huge space, which was decorated in a theme of blues. Like it was deep in one section
one minute, and then lighter the next. The lights moved in a way that it looked like lapping waves, only
they were the walls, the wall were moving….it was a neat trick and fairly impressive – im guessing god love
the drunk folks….they wont know which way is up…

As I met the main man himself. I got into mingle mode, it wasn’t hard with him at your side, he seemed to
just attract all these people…women especially.

One of which I knew, it was that Kate whore. Never had I ever wanted to hit a woman before but this time
I had to fight myself not to strangle her.

Then something caught my eye, she wasn’t dancing alone, she was swinging her EVIL hips with….Nikki.

What the f*** was THAT about….i mean she ruined us and she totally broke my heart (yeah violins…I
know…) but she did and now Nik was just…. I was really confused.

I didn’t approach her, I didn’t want to seem like I was stalking her. And I certainly didn’t want to do it while
the she devil was in her presence.

As I ordered another drink about fifteen minutes later, as I leaned in at the bar, she saw me, I saw her
see me. She was on the other side of the two sided bar.

Her eyes almost popped out of her head. It was funny.

She looked different; her hair was a little longer, and in soft curls. She looked a little pallid though….

I tried my very best to assume that she didn’t see me see her see me….so I turned away, wondering if
she’d come over or not….

She did. With a smile.

“Having a nice time?â€￾

“Having a BALL….you.â€￾

“This isn’t about me MR Timberlake, im merely one of the hosts, it’s my JOB to ensure our guests have a
good time.â€￾ I noticed she had her “companyâ€￾ voice on.

“Well you can tell whoever that this guest – is loving it.â€￾ Oh that sounded like a BAAAAAD pun.

She smiled again and the older blonde woman that was standing to my left, nodded at her, smiled and
walked away – as she did Nikki’s smiled faded too.

“Great…â€￾ came the pissed off tone “Now id appreciate it if you left, your lowering the tone of the party.â€￾

She went to walk away too but I just couldn’t let her so I followed her, as it happens she was headed to
the bathroom.

“If you don’t stop following me ill call security and have your ass tossed like the salad okay…Jesus…â€￾ she
continued to walk as did I. until she swiftly turned around and stopped – causing me to walk in to her.

“WHAT do you want?â€￾

“How are you…?â€￾ I ignored the tone.

“Fine, leave…â€￾

“Nikki….how are you…because I know your not fine, you look fine…but your eyes have tiny bags under
them – you covered the up well but they’re there….they’re puffy too which means you’ve been crying….so
again HOW are you.â€￾

She closed her eyes, and then opened them slowly.

“Justin please just leave, I have a job to do…and you being here just wont make that easy okay…â€￾

“Are we really just never gonna speak again?â€￾

“Why does it matter if we do or not, we’re done…what more is there to say…?â€￾

“How about the truth.â€￾

She rolled her pretty eyes at me, “if your gonna start sprouting all that sh** on you and Kate again please save your breath, I don’t have time for it…â€￾

“So you want me to lie to you, like Kates been doin all this time – fine then I will lie. I slept with her, is that

what you need to hear???? But you know its not trueâ€￾

“Justin don’t start…â€￾ I knew her tired tone

“No I won’t but just think about this okay? That time she hit on me, I turned her down flat I wasn’t
interested then and I certainly still wasn’t that time she's claiming things happened….Nikki my feelings for
you supersede anything she could have offered me that night – just know that.

If you didn’t trust me then, I get it. We were new….everything was so uncertain…â€￾ she leaned against the
wall at the bathroom door listening to me finally.

“Look if we’re done we’re done, but I wont leave this…you with you thinking I cheated or that I didn’t love
you….ive had a lot of time to think – believe me…and I know now that I just cant change things already
done if there not meant to be changed…but I cant try and change the future….â€￾

“What do you mean?â€￾

“I mean, try and catch her on her lies…and if it doesn’t work, then you can believe whatever you want too…
but at least try….you owe us – what may have been, that much baby.â€￾

I did something I never did before with her, I left first. I just upped and walked away.

She was the one that called after me this time “J….â€￾

“Yeah?â€￾

“What is it with us and bathrooms????â€￾ she smiled, I laughed. She nodded to me, as if to let me know
she’d try at least…and hey that's all I can ask for right?? That's right…that's all….

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

When I saw him in the club I almost fainted. He was the last person I expected to see, and what with my
boss watching my every move since id gotten back from Arizona, I couldn’t very well blow it and be rude to

him – she loves him, she’d have fired me.

When he approached me in the lane of bathrooms, the shocks of panic that I felt scared me. I wasn’t
ready for that confrontation, let alone in alone.

But he always had this way of disarming me, making me feel….safe.

Even when I wanted to hate him I couldn’t, hell I even missed the son of a b****.

Listening to him then it made me think – I did owe us at least this one thing, and lets face it he was
convincing.

On that Monday I entered my office only to be met by Kate sitting at MY desk.

“Up b****…â€￾


“Sorry, your office is just so much nicer than mine….i hate you’re MY boss now…Im older!â€￾ she smiled
weakly.

“Yeah well that's what you get; I did my job you did – your clients….â€￾

She almost seemed to take offence, then she smiled “yeah you’re right…hey what are you doin for lunch?
Im thinking drinks in the bar…â€￾

“No thanks, recovering addict remember?â€￾ I sat at my desk and switched on my computer.

“God, your such a drag these days…you know that don’t you – you never want to have ANY fun.â€￾

“I have fun, im just not into your kinda fun any more…besides it not healthy for me to be doin that any
more, you know that.â€￾

“Yeah….â€￾

As she sat across from me filing her nails, I decided to test the waters, or mores the point – her.

“So…um I know we never really talked about this, and I know you wanted too…the whole Justin thing….â€￾

Her eyes widened, “what about it….â€￾

“He was at the club last night, did you see him?â€￾

“No, no I didn’t…did you guys talk…â€￾

I glanced at my computer. “NO are you kidding me, after what he did…im not going down that road again, I mean I see now you were right – he just wasn’t good enough for me.â€￾


She nodded quickly “yeah I know its like I said all along, you can do better….â€￾

“I know this is gonna seem weird for me to ask….but when you and he….well when you were together, did
you notice anything weird about him…â€￾

“Weird like how? Other than the fact he was willing to cheat on you.â€￾

Yeah b**** rub it in.

“Um no….â€￾ I didn’t know where I was going with this “his scar….â€￾ There was no scar, but I made one up.

“It’s the cutest thing, totally noticeable…did you see it.â€￾

Her eyes widened again, “um…yeah which one are you talking about again….the one?â€￾

“On his hip….â€￾ I offered, “Shaped like a little heart, you can’t have missed it.â€￾

She licked her lips, “oooh yeah that one, I did see it….i mean things happened kind of…fast, I didn’t really
look to be honest.â€￾ She went back to filing her nails.

“Where did you too have sex Kate?â€￾

“What? Nikki no offence but this is a weird conversation – we’ve gotten over it, can’t we move on….â€￾

“No, I want to know….i mean you said he was drunk, what were y’all drinking.â€￾

“Um, I had vodka…he had…I don’t know….â€￾

“But you said you weren’t drinking, that he was drunk when you got there.â€￾

“I did?â€￾

“Yeah you did….so which was it? Was he drunk or where you?â€￾

I saw the panic in her eyes, “he was….I told you that…he was the one drunk, not…I had one drink.â€￾

“So you talked, he didn’t just jump you?â€￾

“NO, I mean yeah….look what is thisâ€￾ she stood up. As did I. I wasn’t letting her leave.

“Nothing just a small conversation that's all….that’s all Kate why are you freaking out.â€￾

“Im not…â€￾

“Yeah you are, look at you you’re shaking…â€￾

She rolled her eyes at me as I almost cornered her, “what is that you want to say here Nikki….â€￾

“Nothing but the truth, that's all I want is that truth.â€￾

She crossed her bony arms at me, “ive told you the truth….â€￾

“Funny, I don’t believe you, see Justin doesn’t drink vodka, it makes him sick….â€￾

“Well maybe he had something else then I told you I wasn’t sure….â€￾

“And he doesn’t have any scars, not any where….so you just lied, what am I supposed to believe?â€￾

Her mouth fell open; “you tricked me…â€￾ she was sweating.

“You lied to me didn’t you, you made it up…he never touched you.â€￾

“You believed me didn’t you? I mean I knew from the get go you wouldn’t last…I know guys like him Nikki I
was just trying to keep you from getting hurt.â€￾

“AND WHAT? YOU THINK TELLING ME YOU BANGED MY BOYFRIEND WOULDN’T HURT??? THAT'S….â€￾ I tried to
calm down. “That’s really f***ed up….why? Why did you do that…?â€￾


“Like I said I was…â€￾

“BULLsh** Kate NOW TELL ME THE f***ING TRUTH!!!!!!!â€￾

I saw tears in her eyes, my yelling always did that to her, “I was jealous is that what you wanna hear!â€￾

“If it’s the truthâ€￾

“Then yeah, I was….i hated him because he took you away from me and our friendship….he made you
different…â€￾

“Different how???â€￾

“Happy….and I wasn’t, I was alone and im sorry…â€￾

“You little b****, you made me think he’d….when he swore blind to me that he didn’t, that he loved me, and
he was telling me the truth. But because I trusted you to have my back….â€￾ I walked around the room.

“Nik, I am so….â€￾

“If you apologise to me ill break your neck….â€￾ I was so angry at the whore. “Get the f*** out of my
office….I can’t even look at you right now…â€￾

“But…â€￾ she wept “what are you gonna do, I mean…â€￾

“GET THE f*** OUT!â€￾ When she walked out the door I slammed it behind her, running my hands through

my hair I just couldn’t believe it. I mean id known her for six, almost seven years…since college.

She’d f***ed up the best thing to ever happen to me!

I did something I wasn’t proud of, I rang my superior and reported Kate’s actions on her clients, several of
them, how she’d banged while on the job, it wasn’t company policy and she knew that. I looked the other
way when we were friends, but after what she did we most definitely weren’t.

Weather or not she’d be fired, that was anyone’s guess. But it made me feel mildly better.

Then I asked for something for myself….a new start.</span></span>


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